i didn't catch this quote the first time but i absolutely adore it

sombra ships
  • OFFENSE:
  • sombra + genji: a bond that was likely over their mutual hatred of hanzo. has potential, partly thanks to the neon #aesthetic. one time she programmed his voicebox to play link's "hyaAAAAAH!" whenever he used his ultimate and he wouldn't talk to her for a week
  • sombra + mccree: best friends probably. she makes fun of him a lot and he just willingly puts up with it. she tried to hack his arm once but he just took it off and threw it at her. they probably trade stories about gabriel reyes being a total dingus
  • sombra + pharah: i??? do not know how this would happen??? probably some chance encounter. sombra keeps strapping her translocator beacons onto the back of pharah's flight suit so she can pop in for a quick smooch while in midair
  • sombra + reaper: could potentially happen - but if it does, their relationship is constantly tested by the fact that sombra programmed his alarm clock to play the loudest part of "crawling in my skin" at 4am every morning.
  • sombra + soldier 76: the only explanation for this is that he got fucking catfished. he shows up for their first date and ends up framed for a murder or something
  • sombra + tracer: they definitely bonded over electroswing and other similar tastes in music. they probably send each other cool pictures of the skyline constantly. one time sombra ended up having to fix tracer's chronal accelerator on the fly - she managed it, but it turned purple and tracer was mildly embarrassed
  • DEFENSE:
  • sombra + bastion: best friends but not actually dating? she drew a curly cartoon villain mustache on him for halloween and he didn't notice until weeks later. sombra has used his shoulder as a place to put her translocator beacon more than once, but bastion doesn't mind. she's also developed a way to hack his system in order to calm him down from panic attacks faster
  • sombra + hanzo: hanzo is catfished harder than the winning catch at a national fishing competition. he goes to a nice scenic overlook where they're supposed to meet and she pushes him off the cliff.
  • sombra + junkrat: bonded over their love of screwing things up for anybody that isn't them. they're probably just fake-dating to confuse everyone that isn't roadhog. she's trying to figure out a way to translocate his riptire, and the world had better pray that she doesn't succeed.
  • sombra + mei: probably got off to a rocky start. sickeningly cute, pda all over the place. mei makes things freeze in the shape of a heart, sombra hacks things to tell mei she looks adorable today, everyone else is getting tired of it.
  • sombra + torbjörn: she probably doesn't even give him a chance. did you see her gameplay video? she fucking murdered torbjörn. he's dead. (she refuses to pronounce his name properly, also.)
  • sombra + widowmaker: very professional but still dating. it works for a while, they watch artsy films together and sombra points out the implications of the plot holes. they break up when widowmaker's earpiece mysteriously starts transmitting "blue" by eiffel 65 instead of her orders.
  • TANK:
  • sombra + d.va: platonic only. sombra keeps offering to modify things to make life easier for d.va when she's gaming, but d.va refuses outright. occasionally d.va will stream clustertruck and sombra will do weird things with the dev commands (of course she has access to that account, what else do you expect)
  • sombra + reinhardt: they pass by each other briefly. sombra makes a dark souls reference at him, and is surprised to find that he actually gets the joke. she then proceeds to figure out what his account for dark souls 1 is, and permanently gravelords him. the two never cross paths again.
  • sombra + roadhog: bonded over their love for adorable things. they never really end up dating because sombra is all about being junkrat's wingman. she will make the two of them kiss, so help her.
  • sombra + winston: his system nearly got infected by a virus. sombra is known for making viruses. winston does not like sombra.
  • sombra + zarya: the ultimate enemies-to-friends-to-lovers relationship. people learn what fear truly is after sombra decides that it's a great idea to have zarya throw her at the enemy.
  • SUPPORT:
  • sombra + ana: sombra didn't ask for a mom friend, but here we are. it could be worse though, at least ana makes a mean cup of tea. they also bond over general saltiness at various things.
  • sombra + lúcio: she decides to hack a concert he's doing just for shits and giggles and he actually goes with it, plays it off like it's part of the show. sombra probably helps him organize attacks on vishkar in return for music recommendations. they've never met face-to-face but it's still a cute relationship
  • sombra + mercy: either the most weirdly ordinary couple who will occasionally go off on a technological tangent together, or they absolutely hate each other for no good reason. really a bit of a toss-up there.
  • sombra + symmetra: sombra convinces symmetra that leaving vishkar is a good idea, and then of course the two start dating. the two are probably running at least 3 ARGs for various internet forums at any given time, and it's beautiful. (also, symmetra keeps getting nice, moderately expensive things in the mail all the time. she suspects that sombra is up to something but she can't actually prove it.)
  • sombra + zenyatta: strictly platonic. sombra has been trying to figure out how the harmony and discord orbs work for ages. zenyatta (who knows exactly what he's quoting) will only ever respond "i can't tell you, because you're not a monk."
  • OTHER:
  • sombra + doomfist: too little information. there is a joke here but i refuse to make it.
  • sombra + mondatta: well, seeing as one of them is dead, maybe not the way to go.
  • sombra + katya: exactly why would you date someone who's blackmailing you? that can't be healthy
  • sombra + the eye conspiracy: otp. clearly the most perfect relationship. i see no flaws.