i did went overboard

Literally how I became happy.

A lot of you guys are always concerned about me because the more that I share, the more you realize I’m a real person with struggles and issues and I’m not 100% okay 100% of the time haha so I just wanna give an update and share some insight on how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been working on.
The hair cut is the visible part. The change is sooooo real. I look like a different person but I seriously FEEL like one. Surface changes: I live in Tennessee. I have short blonde hair. I’ve now dated two guys that I actually loved. I own a house and a car. Before, I lived in California, I had freaking long brown hair, I shared a mini van with four other people, I’d never been on a date and truly questioned whether I’d ever meet anyone that liked me for who I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life past like two years into the future and I felt like I would live with my parents forever. So a lot of big things have changed but honestly the biggest changes happened inside with less visible results. You can only see it in my smile and hear it in my words. But really you’ll see it in my actions over the next 12 months. It’s just the beginning.
I honestly don’t know where it came from. The last six years I have been so passive. My life has been happening to me. There have been some breakthrough moments where I learned a lot about myself and my confidence and self love, yes. I had some good times for sure. But as far as knowing what I want and where I wanna go, I was not good at that. I felt SO powerless and began to withdraw more and more, in my friendships, my career, our band, my family, everything. I shared so little each day, I had so few ideas, I didn’t create much, I only wrote when I was really upset or inspired (which wasn’t that often), I had no social life, no vision for myself, no confidence that anyone would ever love me and I just wasn’t living a rich life at all. I was an observer hoping that one day someone or something would come along and make my life actually enjoyable. I was constantly waiting. I journaled a lot and released a lot of emotion, that part was good. I just felt like I was living in a cave, stuck in the past, not doing much each day to actually experience life.
Then we moved across the country. *shock* *panic* *whoa*. That was the first time I was really shaken up.
Then I had my heart broken. Twice. I fell in love and both times it didn’t work out. I NEEDED that, to meet people who actually got me and appreciated my personality and loved all my quirks and my strange mind and how childlike I am. For the first time I felt understood. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was so closed off for so long and suddenly I was ripped open. Someone was asking for my time and attention and I had to give it to them. I was so scared but I really wanted to experience that side of life so I had to let those people see me and experience who I was. It was so good for me omg. I felt like my heart was shriveled and frozen before that, it had seen the sun maybe three times, but once that happened it absolutely bloomed. Not everyone has to fall in love to open their heart but for me that’s how it happened.
Anyway it was really intense and pushed me to the edge, dealing with that loss. I cut off all my hair. I just had enough. I was so drained. I had felt so vulnerable throughout my dating experiences, such a long period of trusting and hoping after so many years of doing the opposite, I guess I became a little over exposed. I pictured myself feeling tough and strong after a particularly intense weekend of fighting and I saw myself with no hair. It was kind of a crazy idea at first but it turned into a real desire. After a few days of thinking it over, I took the plunge.
What. A. Rush.
Suddenly I just wanted to feel alive. I went a little overboard but I did so many things. Concerts, road trips, bonfires, social plans nonstop, shopping, reinventing my style… I was really hurting during this time and I just wanted to feel better. I don’t regret doing so much but I’m glad I came down after a month and examined myself. I realized how much I was hurting and I faced it. I felt scared, hurt, abandoned, broken and vulnerable but it was comforting to identify that. Once you face it, you can feel it, release it and eventually let it go.
In October I realized I wanted more. I actually had dreams. Cutting my hair showed me I could have an idea, see it through and that it could actually go well! I wanted that on a bigger scale. I started writing again, all the time. I took an interest in my appearance again. Before, I just wanted people to think I’m pretty. Of course I still do but now it’s so much more than that. It actually is for me. When my outfit/makeup/overall look matches my mood, I feel so much more confident, comfortable with myself and ready to take on the day. Even in my work out clothes, I always try to coordinate them now and make them feel good because I know I just do more with my day when I feel confident and ready to put myself out there. You don’t need to look perfect AT ALL, in fact sometimes that can cause more stress because it puts more pressure on you. Just take the time to put yourself together and feel GOOD about what you’re wearing each day. It seriously makes a huge difference. And especially DO NOT wear anything that makes you feel bad. GET RID OF IT!!!! All your clothes should make you feel cute in some way.
Idk how this happened but I kind of just realized nothing is a big deal. The way I used to live, EVERYTHING was a HUGE deal. Texting a guy? Leaving the house? Spending 30 dollars? Calling someone first? All terrifying things I dreaded and avoided at all costs. I had to work through so much INTENSE anxiety when I first started dating, it was really sad how much that freaked me out and how much I had to work through just to get to a point where I felt comfortable going on one date or being the object of a man’s attention. I felt so incredibly unworthy.
Anyway, maybe it was the hair cut but sometime around then I just became really bold. Right now I feel like almost nothing scares me. My biggest fear is probably trusting people that have hurt me. That’s one thing I can think of that I’m struggling with and truly terrifies me, trying to rebuild broken relationships. I’m having help working through that. Other than that, there are so few things I won’t try, won’t pursue, won’t say to someone. I am becoming more bold, confident, comfortable in my own skin and sure of myself with each passing second. I just feel GOOD. Nothing is that big of a deal! Seriously force yourself to take more risks and you’ll quickly understand what I mean. You can spend weeks, months, even years fearing things and trying to predict what will happen but once you finally do them you’ll see just how unnecessary all that stress was. Nothing is that hard, that daunting, that permanent. Heck, even tattoos can be removed these days.
I think that was the biggest change of all so far: the removal of fear. Fear used to be the gas in my tank, it absolutely fueled me. Now it’s faith. I am so ON FIRE for my life!!!!!! I have so many exciting dreams I want to pursue, so much I want to create, so many places I want to go, things I want to experience, learn, master, people I want to meet and be around….. I love it all. I decide what I want and I go after it. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I’m starting to look as bold and unique as I feel. The long hair was beautiful and fun and maybe one day I’ll want it back but for now, it just feels too plain for how colorful and out of the box my mind is. I always used my mind a lot but I wasn’t exploring it much before. Now that I’m embracing my unconventional brain, I just want to express that openness and share it with the world.
Also I’ve noticed I’m getting disappointed comments from traditional, conformist men I never wanted to date anyway that used to love my hair 😂 so no offense but I was never interested in you anyway, there are soooooo many long haired women in the world you can comment on that you’ll probably never even meet but i’m just one less you need to worry about hahaha. All of the bold men that liked me before just like me more now. And I think it’s because I also like myself more! Confidence attracts confidence! I’m growing into the baller I was born to be and it’s just helping me attract more ballers 😂😂
BTW THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING LONG HAIR OR A MORE SIMPLE STYLE I FULLY SUPPORT IT. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR LIVE A WILD UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE TO BALL OUT ON EVERYONE THATS JUST HOW I CHOOSE TO DO IT HAHA. EVERYONE IS A BALLER IN THEIR OWN WAY I EMBRACE AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE AND WILD LOOKING PEOPLE, AS LONG AS YOURE LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE AND CHOOSING WHAT TRULY FULFILLS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE JUST LIVE IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT 🙌🏼
Anyway, I feel so much more confident in myself, men or no men. It’s funny cuz I finally stopped worrying about guys and now I actually interact with them the way I always wanted to hahaha.
I no longer rely on the approval of others to get through the day. I no longer feel paralyzed by fear every morning and night. I no longer ponder whether I’m worthy of a date or not. I no longer look in the mirror and sigh. I no longer think of the future as a blurry grey blob filled with hopelessness, uncertainty and fear. I know it will be whatever I make it and I am going to make it freaking phenomenal.
That’s a huge key, putting YOURSELF in the drivers seat. Forget this message of victimization. You are the person holding yourself down but YOU can be the one to lift yourself up!!!! Wow I just got a huge craving for meat loaf and mashed potatoes. HAHAHA. Anyway, put yourself in control. Ask God for guidance. Trust that you are taken care of always because YOU ARE. Embrace yourself. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. Stop thinking you’re unlovable. Realize how cool you are and how much you have going for yourself. Jump in and try things. Stop thinking you have to be “ready”. THE LESSONS OF FAILURE ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PRIZES OF SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, go kill it. Embrace yourself. Blossom. Live. Come alive. You got this 👊🏼💗

Headcanons!!!

So, @incorrect-yansim-quotes​ has kinda started a charm headcanon!!! I wanted to add on to this, like what each charm/item would be and how you’d get it (non-violent towards the rivals/no killing). These are in no way associated on winning that week, these are simply ways to earn the gifts of each “rival”. This will be taken in a way that there is no “rival” after your senpai. Megami will still try to rid of you for anything wrong that you do, Info-Chan will tell her of whatever wrongdoing you commit. With each new rival comes more and more feelings. Osana’s starts like normal Ayano, and by the time you finish with Megami, Ayano will be normal. I may have put too much thought into this, it’s more of a wish for the game. I don’t know where “Headcanon” and “Wish” came together, but I’m quite happy with what I did. I went overboard, but I had fun typing this up.

Read Below for it!

Now, you can choose if you want to wear it. It will have boosts and ups if you wear it.

(Ex: Osana’s phone charm will let you closer to Senpai if Osana is next to him.)

Accessories earned in Story Mode can be worn in Endless, too.


Osana (Cat Phone Charm)- Completing her task later (Thursday, Friday) when she already gave up and bought a new charm. You’d accept it on Monday, act nice to her, don’t do anything to spite her, etc…, then when the end of the week approaches, you give her the charm. She already bought a new one though, and since you’ve been so nice to her, she lets you keep it! After this, you’d have a little cat phone charm on your phone. You will always have this.

Amai (Muffin Earrings)- She’s too nice to say no to a gift, but she doesn’t like it at all. You’d have to join the Cooking club and show up to a meeting after she got them. She’d get it from a member of the club who is new. She gives it to Ayano in hopes that she will like it. They’re muffin earrings. Ayano also had to have gotten piercings with Musume on a girl’s night. (This would require you to befriend her. Better results if you befriend the Basu Sisters, they’ll tag along and up your reputation.) For the rest of the game you’ll have muffin dangle earrings.

Kizana (Rose Ring)- You’d have to join the Drama club for this. The play is Romeo and Juliet, of course. Kizana is the lead, and you’re her understudy. She is recovering from an injury, and can’t preform. (You have to sabotage one of the lights, that when it is tampered with it will fall. It lands on Kizana’s foot and crushes her toes.) She wants to continue, but if you have befriended Sora you’ll get a cutscene in which you’re there when Sora convinces the stubborn show-girl to sit in the audience. You have to attend every meeting and do a better job than Kizana thought you would in the play. If you put on a performance that she enjoyed,  she’ll let you keep the ring in which Juliet wears. After this, a rose ring will be visible on Ayano’s right thumb.

Oka (Pentagram Necklace)- You do not have to join the club for this, but it is recommended. If you supply the Occult Club with all the supplies (Random things, a spider, a jar of “ectoplasm” {You can get this from the Science club, if you befriend Haruto he’ll whip up some fake stuff.}, etc..), help them in research, and tell them things about the Basu Sisters (Befriend them), then Oka will give you a pentagram necklace (In the club) or choker (Not in the club) to show you appreciation. After this, the accessory will be seen on your neck.

Asu (Ankle Bracelet with Water Drop Charms)- You have to be in the sports club for this. You can skip class for two days without penalty when getting this charm. (Your physical stat will increase instead of choosing which points will go into which subject the first day, and you will gain a point in physical the second.) You’d spend this time and three after-schools training for a swim meet with Asu. On Friday, you will not attend school until 3:00. You, Asu, the sports club, and the swim team will be at a Swim Meet, and you will have to lead the team to victory. If you succeed, Asu will give you her good luck charm, the ankle bracelet. After this, the ankle bracelet will be seen on your left ankle.

Muja (Needle Pin)- This will be hard to earn. You have to play “medicine runner” for this week (Because the actual nurse is gone, and Muja needs help.), and this requires you to have a higher reputation. You will run errands, help sorting, and have to sabotage a meal of a student. Kokona will eat lunch alone on Wednesday, as she usually does, but she will leave it to see something Saki found. If you put something that will cause Kokona to choke on her food in it, you’ll be able to do the heimlich. If you do this and take Kokona to the nurse, she’ll be more friendly and open to you. She’ll tell you a family member that passed in the school, which inspired her to take on the job here to prevent any more casualties like so. (In 1980′s mode, a girl that you can poison as Ryoba will be the aunt of Muja.) At the end of the week she’ll have to go back to school. She’ll give you the pin which belonged to her Aunt. After this, the pin will be seen on the right chest of your uniform.

Mida (Wine Glass Necklace)- For this you’ll lose a lot of reputation. You have to get panty shots of 15 girls and convince two male students to take lessons from Mida (They cannot be in her class.). You’ll also have to attend every class and be willing to help Mida. She’ll ask you about a few boys, and if you tell her the truth, she’ll thank you. She’ll have to leave at the end of the week. If you show affection and treat her with respect (Maybe even as a mother figure) she’ll give you her necklace and tell you to “Be Good.” After this, the necklace will be seen around your neck.

Osoro (Bracelet with a Bunny Charm)- Your reputation has to be low enough that the delinquents are willing to be around you. If you befriend Osoro (You have to participate in all of her events, skip every class, and win a fight against Budo or a male delinquent.) she’ll come to you when she’s at her weakest. She’ll get emotional and need comfort, and if you can give it to her she’ll give you the bracelet she was given by an old friend who left her. After this, the delinquents will back you up no matter what your reputation is. If Osoro catches you killing a student though (any method), all the delinquents except her will apprehend you and maybe even beat you. She’ll just watch in shock. After this, the bracelet will be seen on your right wrist.

Hanako (Her Heart Clip)- This is the second hardest, because you’ll have to avoid Taro as a love interest. Hanako will take you in if she notices you are alone, no one likes you (She doesn’t care for the delinquents, so on her route you have to avoid them.), and if you are being bullied (You can ask Kizana to fake being a bully with her drama club). Everything will be lost if she catches you showing interest in Taro or if someone spreads it around that you do like him. You’ll have to help her study, hang out with her often, and act like the sister she never had. She’ll give you her clip if she feels you are close to her. This will actually help Ayano with her reputation and Taro will begin to show interest. While wearing this, Ayano’s hair will be down and she’ll have the clip on.

Megami (A Medal)- This is the hardest, and you have to find a way into Student Council. Megami will be suspicious, but the more you do to help improve the school the more trust she’ll have. You have to have high reputation (Hanako’s route will provide that.) and befriend over half the school. There are a lot of things you have to do, so this will go for three weeks. A list of tasks include:

Uniting all the clubs to trust another (They didn’t before, and there was competition to be the best. Swim+Sports and Drama are the most competitive.) and help eachother

Attending class earlier by thirty minutes before other students do.

Turning delinquents into decent students

Helping deal with punishment to trouble students

Helping every club with a separate task. 

After completing a long task of things that the student council needed done, it will be the end of the year. The last Friday will be the last day of school, and Megami will invite you to a reward night. There, you will meet her father. Ryoba will also be in town, she came back a few nights before. Everybody you got a charm from will attend, and if you do not get a charm from one of them they will not go. You can talk with all of them, they will thank you. At the end of the night Megami will invite you to the stage along with the other members of the Student Council and reward each member. Megami will hesitate at you, but you will get the best prize, a medal she was given when she was in her second year. She will be in her last year, and moving into her father’s business, so she decides to give it to you, who is in the same position she was. By then, Ayano will have the feelings of a normal girl, and Taro will have fallen for her. After getting this medal, it will be seen on the right chest of your uniform.

Recently I got diagnosed with autism. And while I feel like that doesn’t change me at all, it does explain a lot of things for me personally. My therapist said it would be good to note down my experiences so I did! I went a bit overboard though…

Chasing Promises (1/6)

Title: Chasing Promises
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Rating: General Audiences
Word count: 363
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Spoilers for Captain America: The Winter Soldier  

This is the request that got away from me. The incredible @awaitingjudgementx requested a Hades/Persephone-styled Bucky x reader-fic, and myth nerd that I am, I couldn’t keep this one to just a drabble. This is like the time I took a Norse Myth course and our final assignment was to write a 10 page paper and I went overboard and did 25 pages (only I won’t get graded for this one). The series is written out, and I will be posting one chapter a day at roughly the same time (I will aim for between 8 and 9 pm EEST).

Tag list as of now consists of people who have requested to be tagged in everything I write or Bucky-specific fics, plus a couple of people I hope will appreciate this. If you want in on the tag list send me an ask.

@awaitingjudgementx, @ursulaismymiddlename, @loup-malin, @themcuhasruinedme@bovaria, @sebbytrash, @creideamhgradochas, @digeoluna, @feepsmoothie, @booksandshowsandmovies-ohmy, @bakexprayxlove@ceebeetumbles, @avengerofyourheart @mrshopkirk, @tatortot2701

one | two | three | four | five | six


Originally posted by allthisherostuff

one

After the fall of SHIELD and the visit to the museum, he goes back to base only as an afterthought. There is something, someone, there and in the muddled mess that is his mind, he knows it would be crueler to leave you behind. You’re… a fail safe. A last resort, a person reduced to a thing to be used should he ever get unruly. It has never happened, but you’ve been with him wherever they have moved him for the last year. He knows of you because they paraded you in front of him once, explained your function, talked about you as if you weren’t there, as if you weren’t human. Just like he wasn’t. In HYDRA’s eyes, you were probably a perfect match. To him you were supposed to be a tool for him to live out any type of carnal, violent desires that could possibly arise and cause trouble; to you he was a way for HYDRA to keep you cowed, keep you scared, your own personal boogeyman

He still doesn’t feel much, but when he approaches the small cell they keep you in, he is infinitely thankful he never lost control, never had to overstep a boundary that apparently couldn’t be brainwashed away. You don’t mistreat a lady.

The door rips open with a violent, jarring clamor, and you’re quick, almost impossibly so as you fling yourself to a corner. You shudder at the sight of him, a small whimper escaping you. He must look a mess, shoulder still dislocated, bloodied and filthy from the fight.

“Please, come with me. It’s not safe here. We need to run,” he pleads, the language feeling thick and unfamiliar in his mouth. 

He holds out his hand, careful that it’s his right, and it’s nothing short of a miracle when you stumble to him, breath hitching and eyes pleading. You don’t take his hand, but you approach him, following him when he backs away, leading you out of the building. There must be something in his eyes that convinced you, because he can’t think of any other reason why you’d follow the man you’ve been threatened with. He knows he wouldn’t.

aoitrinity  asked:

“You won’t miss me.” - Destiel, if you don't mind doing another one, and if it could have a not-unhappy ending, that'd also be awesome (I need my boys to be happy sometimes, lol).

Happy Ending? I’m all for that! And sure, it’s no problem – I did a repeat the other day and managed to keep them sufficiently different 😃

277 words! I can’t believe i did it twice ! (probably why the last one went overboard so badly lol)

________

Dean stared glumly down at his suitcase.

“Dean, it’s not going to pack itself,” Cas slipped up behind him and wrapped arms around his boyfriend’s waist, placing a gentle kiss on Dean’s neck.

Heaving a sigh, Dean leaned back into Cas’s strong arms, “I don’t want to go. Not without you.”

“It’s only 3 days. You won’t even miss me,” Castiel assured him.

“Yes, I will,” Dean turned around in Cas’s arms and folded Cas into his own, resting their heads together. “God, Cas, I hate it anytime I’m away from you. I miss your voice, your goofy smiles, your constant bed hair. The confused look on your face anytime I make a pop culture reference. How enthusiastic you get about bees. Your strong arms holding him close – I just…everything about you, Cas, I miss you like crazy.”

“Then it’s a good thing I plan to stay, isn’t it Dean?” Cas pulled back and with an adoring smile, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a box and opened it, holding it up to Dean’s disbelieving eyes. “If that’s truly how you feel, let’s make this a permanent thing?”

Dean looked down at the simple silver band with two tiny gemstones – one blue and one green – cuddled next to each other in the center, and then back up to Cas’s hypnotizingly blue eyes. The blue gem matched perfectly, he idly noted. “Are you…are you asking me to marry you?”

“Yes, I am,” Cas said calmly, but Dean saw the slight tremor in his fingers as he held out the ring.

Swiftly, Dean covered Cas’s hands in his own, steadying him and breathed out one simple word, “Yes.”

______________

Happy enough? :D :D :D

And that reaches the end of my queue but if anyone else wants to join in, feel free. :D

2

HQ!!AU┌  - (Starchild) Yamaguchi Tadashi~

Aight, after tumblr ate the message and I nearly ate my hands (because of nervousness), I proudly? present to you my first attempt at illustrating a scene from a fanfiction. yay me.

Inside-Out is my current favourite ongoing TsukiHina ff by lilithiumwords/ @amberstarfight. Other than that, I have little to say, I think. 

anonymous asked:

If you were to have an orgy, who would you choose to be in it? (Choose at least 5)

“If were to have an orgy I would obviously pick Zachary. As for the other men, it would be Sylar, Anders, Blake, Shade, Kit, Adam, Bradley, Raiden… But I think he’ll just try to kill me after what I did to him last time. And I think I went overboard with how many people I chose. Sorry.”

@zacharyxallen @thefaesylar @andersmcnaster @blakeosmond @shadedempsey @kit-wolfe @yournurse-adam @bradleyxharper @raidenproulx

Zen icons (128x128) requested by anon!
Credit is appreciated but not required. Click here for the list!

GYM LEADER @undercovermcdfan HAS COME TO BLESS US

me n maddie r doing an AT and pLEASE LOOK AT HER PART HERE CAUSE ITS SO GOOD N IM STILL CRYING ABOUT IT