“We all have one thing in common - we want to be loved for who we are. We need to celebrate our differences. For instance, I’m gay. I’m not bragging about it but I’ve always been afraid to say it and I’m not anymore. I want this place to be a safe space where everyone feels free to be themselves. Welcome to Degrassi.”
“Adam’s hands had stopped jerking as the demon realized that they were well secured. His head rested miserably on Ronan’s shoulder, everything shaking, standing only because Ronan did not allow him to sink.” x[Requested by @seekthemist]
that moment was so intense when Marion turns on the shower and you’re like NNNOOO DON’T DO IT and then she gets in the shower and there’s creepy ominous music and it’s storming outside and you keep thinking the door just opened and Norman will come in as Mother and stab reyrey to death and then she’s just –
AND FUCKING GETS OUT WHEN SHE’S SUPPOSED TO DIE LIKE BITCH NOPE I’VE SEEN PSYCHO AND I AINT GOING OUT LIKE THIS I HAVE SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH MY ASSHOLE BF
“Lara Jean? Are you okay?” I nod my head yes and make a motion like he should just go. He rolls the window back up, and I think he’s really going to drive off, but then he pulls over to the side and parks. […] Peter sits down next to me. “How long have you been sitting here crying by yourself ?” I turn my head and wipe my face again. “I’m not crying.” […] ”He’s getting into his car when, as an afterthought, he turns around and asks, “Want me to call Triple A for you?” “No, that’s okay,” I say. “Thanks for stopping, though. That was really nice of you.” Peter grins. I remember that about Peter—how much he likes positive reinforcement. “Do you feel better now?” I nod. I do, actually. “Good,” he says.
So today I was thinking about the airport scene today again and what struck me about it is that it is never explained what was Victor thinking while saying this:
While it’s obvious what Yuuri has in his mind at the moment (i.e. having Victor by his side these last few weeks before his retirement) there is no reason why would Victor reevaluate their relationship then. Leaving Yuuri for that three days for Maccachin obviously doesn’t make him a bad coach at least Yuuri would never think so. And Victor doesn’t overthink things much normally so while it’s his natural reaction to throw himself into Yuuri’s arms (and Yuuri’s only but that’s another story) it’s why he speaks about coaching first what puzzled me the most.
But then I realised something else about this whole situation and I think that was the same realisation that really made Victor look so miserable on that airport. Because what is interesting is the fact that Victor couldn’t decide what to do when he learned about Maccachin at the first place.
He was seriously torn between staying with Yuuri or going back while really there shouldn’t be a question. Sure, he takes his coaching responsibilities very seriously and he cares about Yuuri a lot and he doesn’t want to leave him especially since they’re finally in a relationship like he always wanted but still we’re talking about Maccachin whom he had for over 12 years? He loves that dog more than anything, Maccachin was the only one to greet him home, the one to care when Victor was down, the one who slept with him… Like Yuuri was apart from his dog for five years and he was still devastated after Viccan’s death can you imagine how Victor would feel? For Yuuri, it’s obvious that Victor should go back, he tells him he needs to because it really is the one right thing to do and Victor. Still. Hesitates?
Side note, I love the fact that Victor trusts Yakov so much he believes he may take care of Yuuri in his stead but anyway he finds a solution, he flies to Japan and now, we don’t know what happens there but what I think happened is that Victor looks at his miraculously saved dog, he looks back at what happened in Russia and he realises he truly loves Yuuri. I’m pretty sure that the only thing that Victor thinks about while sitting by Maccachin’s side is Yuuri and I’m also sure he gets aware of that too. It’s not a crush anymore it’s not the eros matter, it’s not the fact that Yuuri inspires him more than anything. I believe that while alone in Japan Victor realises that being apart from Yuuri terrifies him because he loves him more than he ever loved anyone. He literally was choosing between two persons he loves the most in his life.
So what I imagine Victor has in his mind when he sits on this airport is “what can I do to be with Yuuri for longer”. Now, there was a great meta on how much insecure Victor is about revealing his feelings and we know from what Kubo said that it is not until he has a ring on his finger that he lets himself think about their future together but I’m sure that Victor already tried to think of something he could do to stay longer by Yuuri’s side and as they communicate mostly thru skating he was probably thinking something like “I’ll tell him about the technical things we need to improve and also maybe suggest him that he may still win at Four Continents and Worlds so he would need me to stay” but even if he wants to play it cool he can’t wait to make sure Yuuri will make him stay and basically the second he holds Yuuri he starts to ramble about that. Like when I look at this scene now it all makes so much sense, that Victor is so touched when Yuuri asks him to stay because that’s what he wanted to hear all along. And then that marriage proposal remark that comes out of nowhere or rather comes from Victor’s realisation that he loves Yuuri so much he could marry him. And then this?
They are emotional because of being apart and because of how much in love they are but I think that what really explains this whole scene is looking at it as at the first time they are together while Victor fully understands his feeling for Yuuri. And Victor is so emotional and honest while saying that last line that it makes Yuuri cry? Yuuri has no idea what Victor has in mind but I think he feels something changed and I really wish Victor wouldn’t be afraid to tell him the truth at that moment. But anyway this scene somehow is even better for me now and I thought I should share it with you guys.
series warnings: mature themes, strong language, violence, substance abuse, eventual smut. this chapter contains graphic content such as mental physical abuse, violence, blood, gore, dead bodies, grief and death