I was wondering if you could give me some... advice. I see you struggle with anxiety and depression too, yet you manage to write so much. I haven't written in a long while though I really, urgently want to. Except every time I try to, I... panic. It triggers self-loathing attacks, breakdowns etc. (Because I'm not good enough for myself.) Do you know how I can try to get over this or work around it? It really gets me even more depressed, being unable to write because I want it so much :[ 1-2
2-2 I am also on medication and have lots of therapy behind me and am on the path to treat myself better - but the writing is something I just don’t know how to handle, and it makes me so sad and angry. I NEED to write, I really need to, but I completely. Just. I just can’t. I don’t know. Any advice you could give would be amazing… but ignore this if you don’t want or can’t respond just now! Thank you either way x
Heyo! I’m sorry you are dealing with these things but glad to hear that you are getting the help you need :D tbh I’m also struggling with my anxiety about writing lately so this can be a pep talk for the both of us.
1) there’s no wrong way to do writing. break all the rules! fuck the rules. spag? toss it. context? who cares. it doesn’t have to be true or real or smart. they don’t have to be real sentences even. if you have a word, write it down. if something seems like it’s niggling at your mind, write it down. i don’t mean Sit and Write™. i mean literally just write it down. with your fingers. then when you get to the end, stop. don’t sit there and figure out what you need to say next. just. stop. save the doc, close the notebook, whatever. when you’re done, stop. walk away. you can come back to it the next day or whatever and see if there’s anything in it. sometimes there is. sometimes there isn’t. it’s not a loss if there isn’t; it’s just not for you right now. it was for you when you wrote it down. that’s enough.
2) write shitty. seriously. stop trying to write good. give yourself permission to suck. give yourself permission to sound bad on the page. sometimes, the point is not to write something you can be proud of. sometimes the point is just to write anything at all. i feel ya! you want to write the thing you have in your head, right? you want to write it down in a way that means we can all understand. well, stop trying to do that. that’s hard!! that’s fucking hard!! so free yourself from that expectation. chill with yourself a little bit. get low key.
you can always build on it later and find your truth it in a little bit at a time. you can always change everything later. you are never trapped in your writing. you can write something down specifically to delete it if you want. start little. start sparse. start rough. there’s no such thing as a perfect start, so let your starts be shitty. you know what the thing about shit is though? it’s fertilizer. so plant the seed in your shitty start and then later if you think ok well maybe this seed is bad but possibly it could be good if i did x to it. which is what we call a sprout. and then you think oh, what about y? and what about z? and pretty soon you have built a flower from that shit, and then you can start a garden. but you gotta start in the shit. get into it. fall in love with it. then grow.
3) read. if you can’t write, read. read things you like and read things you don’t like. read things everyone says you should like and try not to like it. and then read something no one has ever heard of. fiction, nonfiction, fanfiction. read read read read read read.
idk if this is really the sort of advice you were looking for bb but I hope it helps speak to you a little bit!! I started writing at just, you know, like the absolutely worst fucking time in my life, and I thought, damn. ok. I took all the shit things that were happening to me and then gave them to a character. and it was in the end, super cathartic. and i stopped worrying about whether anybody else would get it. i got it. I knew where I was coming from, where I wanted to get to, because that’s where I wanted to be for myself. It didn’t fucking matter whether it made sense, ya know? I was dreaming. I was using tropes just cause they made me happy a little bit. and you know, I fell in love with it again. and now I know that I have some anxiety coming back again and I just have to start broad, sketch out the outline, think: what do IIIIIIIII want. what do i want. forget what everyone else wants from this chapter. what are the five words i want this chapter to feel like. and then build. and then i’ll read the previous chapters and see if it flows. and then i’ll cut. and then i’ll cut again. and then i’ll write more. i can do it. you can do it.
listen. writing is hard. writing is putting your soul out there. your soul is always good enough. you are the only one who can write you. that’s special. that’s important. that’s worthwhile. don’t give up on yourself or your writing. <3