i destroyed myself with this

I want the boys to get a break from being defenders of the universe and take a little vacation at some alien B&B where they can cuddle in bed for hours without worrying about zarkon 

(lance is the big spoon and it makes keith feel safe n loved)

(rub ur butt on his junk keith do it)

A few years ago, I would’ve stayed silent during this month. Fighting myself, being miserable, destroying myself and my body simply because I was afraid. No matter where you are in your journey, we are all right here with you. Being who you were created to be is the most incredible feeling. After 22 years, I have never felt more like me than in these past 2. The only choice I made was to slam the door on the choice society made for me. Happy Pride Month, sweet friends. Stay loud and proud 🌈

My beautiful friend makes these. Use code PRIDE for 20% off! www.etsy.com/shop/pancakeplayhauze

6

mist and shadow
cloud and shade
all shall fade

all shall fade

The Signs as Heartbreak Quotes (Sun & Venus)

ARIES:

“Be careful when trying to fix a broken person, for you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces.” 

TAURUS:

“It’s not what I feel for you, it’s what I don’t feel for anyone but you.” 

GEMINI:

“The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it.” 

CANCER:

“If brokenness is a form of art, darling, you’ve turned me into a masterpiece.” 

LEO:

“I hope I cross your mind once in a while just so that I won’t feel pathetic for thinking of you all the time.” 

VIRGO:

“I hate you because I will have to wonder for the rest of my life why I wasn’t enough.” 

LIBRA:

“Those who are heartless once cared too much.” 

SCORPIO:

“The reckless irony in how I tried to get revenge on you by destroying myself.”

SAGITTARIUS:

“I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you.” 

CAPRICORN:

“The worst goodbyes are the ones never said.” 

AQUARIUS:

“Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love.” 

PISCES:

“If I treated you the way you treated me, you’d hate me.”

Self-destruction
Self-destruction isn’t snorting the line on the party just because you want to try it for fun and thinking “I’ll do it just once, just to try it!” Self-destruction isn’t going out and drinking a little too much sometimes.
Self-destruction is taking that line even you know what will happen, knowing the side effect of that. It’s taking that line, not because of fun or people around you,  it’s because you have that urge inside you that tells you to do it, to fuck yourself up.
Self-destruction is going out with the intention to get drunk and not know about yourself the whole time just because you feel something inside of yourself that needs to be destroyed. You don’t drink because you’re sad or happy, you drink to kill that something inside of you.
Self-destruction is that smoke of cigarette you just took. You didn’t start smoking because of people around you make you do it, you started smoking because you heard it’s bad for you. Now you’re addicted. Or maybe you aren’t but you still do it.
Self-destruction is when you go to some random person you met at the bar house because of sex. You don’t know who he is, you could be anybody, you could end up dead, raped, you don’t know it won’t happen, but you go anyway. You know all the risks but you do it anyway.
Self-destruction is pushing people away and making yourself antisocial on purpose.
Self-destruction is popping painkillers even if you aren’t in pain.
Self-destruction is getting into fights on purpose.
Self-destruction is letting your id doing whatever you want.
Self-destruction is a lot of things, but it’s never a choice.
Self-destruction isn’t mental illness.
Self-destruction isn’t when you break up with your boyfriend so you lock your room and cry or go out and get drunk to forget about him.
Self-destruction is something in people, something that pulls you to the edge. It’s the sweetest sin of all of them. You can fight it, but it always wins. People keep saying to fight it like if they can fight it, you can fight it also, but if you are a really self-destructive you can’t fight it and you know it. It’s part of your reality, your life.
Not all alcoholics are self-destructive.
Not all addicts are self-destructive.
Not all drug addicts are self-destructive.
Not all who are depressive are self-destructive.
Not all alcoholics are self-destructive.
Not all addicts are self-destructive.
Not all drug addicts are self-destructive.

I smoke, I drink, I take pills – I’m not addicted to any of that.
I do it do destroy myself.

I don’t hate myself, I’m very far from hating myself. But some people do hate themselves. Some do, some don’t. everybody is different.
If somebody asked me why I do what I do I wouldn’t know how to answer. I know what is the goal, but I don’t know the main reason beside something self-destructive inside me.

For example, I know what heroin does to people but I’d love to try it. But I’ll never do it. Not because I don’t want to, but because I know what would it do to people around me. I don’t want to fuck them up. I want to fuck me up. And there are ways to do it without hurting somebody constantly.
People who are self-destructive don’t want to harm you, they want to harm themselves.

—  T.S. aka me/ things i never said out loud
Today on "Zen is my bias and I enjoy pain"

You know how it’s suggested that you take Zen as your first route? And then subsequently the rest of the members?

I’m gonna stick by the most common route suggestion which is:

Zen -> Yoosung -> Jaehee -> Jumin -> Seven

Well do you remember his call on Seven’s route, at night on Day 10?

“That’s great… I could’ve made you happy too.”

What if he’s been in love with you throughout all the routes? From what I’ve observed he’s always more loving and SO MUCH MORE WORRIED than the rest of the members, and he always drops hints that he likes you. What if after you reset on this boy his feelings remain and he’s just so confused as to why you have such a grip on him? What if he flirts with you to try to make sense of his feelings?

Another example, that one phone call in Yoosung’s route where he says he should’ve realised his feelings sooner, and then he says “Never mind”.

OKAY LET’S GET INTO THE MAIN SHIT.

We all know that Zen has psychic dreams. Through all of the resets he’s the one who’s been reseted on the most. Think about it. Most people wouldn’t reset after Seven, so he has the good end of the deal. But Zen waits for you… and you never come back. BESIDES THE POINT. Zen starts to realise the trend to every reset and every time you appear his feelings are so strong. There’s a nagging voice in his head that knows he’s gone through the same thing before.

This explains why he’s progressively more protective and caring of you as the routes go on. Think about it.

And then I guess he realises that after Seven, it’s the end of the line. What more does he have to lose? He’s waited over 40 days and it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever come back.

“I could’ve made you happy too.”

Hence, I conclude that Zen loves you in every single route. And he will forever.

———-

FOLLOWING THEORY

i think, one day, the marauders went exploring and found the mirror of erised. 

peter saw himself standing next to the marauders, but they were all the same height. all the same weight. the same wide smiles and slightly crinkled eyes. and he imagined sirius looked at him like he was james, and remus looked at him like he was sirius, and james looked at him like he was lily. he was with his friends, but they were all equals. 

(nobody ever told him that they were all worth the same anyway). 

sirius saw himself with the marauders too. but in it, they were all perfect. unflinching, straight-backed boys with a future of gold. and when his hand found remus’, he just held back tighter, not pulling away and shaking his hand like sirius’ touch was poison. not like he’d fucked things up. not like he could destroy it all with a single flick of his wand, a single whisper in the darkness. he was with his friends, but they were all okay. 

(nobody ever told him that it was okay not to be okay anyway). 

remus saw himself as a real marauder. someone who was truly a brother to the people who were brothers to him– because you didn’t have beasts for brothers. no, the wolf was their enemy– he saw himself as pure, as maybe, possibly, finally worthy of their friendship. of their love. he was with his friends, but now he was a better friend, a friend worthy of being one. 

(nobody ever told him that he deserved the universe anyway). 

james saw himself with the marauders. except– they were all the same. just four happy boys smiling back at him, like the world was theirs to conquer and lightning ran through their veins. he saw himself with the marauders, just as they are, because it was perfect. they were perfect. 

(nobody ever told him that perfect never lasted anyway).