i cry because of what could have been

…………..goodbye Jack………




OW!!!!! My frickin goddam heart!!!!!! I was so scared the minute Ashi opened her mouth and made that portal. Dammit!! What a beautiful show and I loved every second of it. I can understand  this ending of Jack changing the past. This was his goal and there is that satisfaction of  finally saving his famiy. However, I was just hoping the Gods could help Ashi! There had to be a cost and it makes the ending so poetic but come on! The Gods should reward Jack at least….I knew that ladybug would be back. -.- When the ladybug first showed up with the white wolf. I was like….huh cute bug. Then Ashi had her flashback with it….I was oh frick no….This bug is symbolizing her. This bug is coming back… BACK TO THE PAST SAMURAI JACK!!! 

….now I have to mourn.The future of what could have been…..


I feel that Jack would have a son with Ashi. Just because there was so many daughters haha. 

epiphany | jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook + Reader 

Genre: Fluff + college au 

Word Count: 3.6k 

Part: | 1 | 2 |  

Summary: You hated his guts, especially after he ruined your chance at getting a good grade in one of your toughest classes. But why did your heart beat a little faster every time you saw him? And why did he feel the same way?

Reader’s POV

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you a failing grade, Y/N…” Mr.Ransford frowned,“ You should’ve saved your work somewhere separately you know?”

You gaped at him in complete shock, as everything came crashing down on you.

“B-but you don’t understand! It wasn’t my fault-” you stammered, your hands flailing around in a frenzy as you attempted to explain your dire situation to your psychology professor.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I’m afraid we can’t discuss this right now, I have a class in 2 minutes. We’ll talk later, hm?” he said as you sighed, your shoulders slumping in utter defeat.

He patted your shoulders in sympathy as you walked out of the door, tears welling up in your eyes as you thought of all your hard work that was now flushed down the drain. All because of one boy.

That damn Jeon Jungkook.

—-

“YAH!” you yelled, raging, as you approached the boys, a deadly glare in your eyes as you grabbed Jungkook by the collar of his tshirt. Pulling him up from the bleachers where him and the rest of his friends were sitting, all of them gasped, mouths going agape as they witnessed their golden maknae get manhandled by you.

“Y/N~What a pleasure,” Jungkook said, giving you a lazy smirk.

Your blood boiled at the audacity the boy had, to address you in such a way, after he had destroyed your chance at a good grade- heck a good year of college. Without thinking first, you lifted your hand and slapped him across the face, the contact shooting vibrations of pain down your arm as the noise echoed in the air. Immediate silence followed, everyone looking at the two of you with rounded eyes as Jungkook himself, was in shock.

You stood there, your chest rising up and down, breathing heavy as you glowered at him. His hands flew to his cheek as he let out a stream of curse words, his gaze landing on yours, fire kindling in his eyes as he reddened in embarrassment.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I've been told I don't really smile. But I was checking out your art and my dad asked what I was smiling about, and when I didn't show him, he demanded to see because it made me smile. So, thanks... I guess, that's what I wanna say. For helping me smile.

!!!! ohmygosh??? you’re very welcome!! I’m so glad that my art could help you smile, I hope you have a wonderful day !!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ @grammarkid’s TRIMBERLY FIC PT.3 aka my personal highlights:

  • the top joke it’s so iconic
  • the - ahem - bedroom scenes
  • CHARACTERIZATION IS SO GOOD I COULD CRY 
  • the top joke 
  • monopoly
  • trini being fucking out of it all day because she’s thinking about kimberly hart, aka most relatable concept ever 
  • the top joke 
  • COMMUNICATION AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND CONSENT
  • this is the single hottest and best trimberly fic i’ve ever read. this is perhaps the single hottest and best fic i’ve ever read.
  • the top joke
  • th,,…. Kitchen Scene
  • im listing every component of this fic but thats bc every part of it is so good
  • if u havent read the first two?? what are u doing have u even been on my blog for the past,, like….. Month??? (one/two)
  • READ IT
Dialogue Prompt List 2

You can use these for your own stories, or you can request one for me to do. If there’s any specific stories you want me to do with the prompts you choose, let me know in the request.
If you do choose to do one of these prompts, tag me in it so I can read it!


1. “I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.”

2. “Gah! Why are you so cold? Get off of me you icicle!”

3. “Marry me?”

4. “God, I was so worried!” “I was only gone for five minutes!”

5. “Please don’t shut me out.”

6. “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed. I’m screaming for someone to notice, to help me, and yet no one does!”

7. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

8. “This is going to hurt, I’m so sorry.”

9. “Who did this to you?”

10. “I’m gonna kill him!”

11. “Cuddle me you weirdo.”

12. “I’m pregnant.”

13. “Are you…crying? You? Mister/Miss, ‘I don’t cry, I’m tough as hell’?”
“Oh shut up, we all have our weaknesses!”

14. “You’re part of the family now, don’t ever think you’re not.”

15. “Breathe, can you do that for me?”

16. “I’m a burden to you!”

17. “I’m better off dead.” “You’re better off alive, with me.”

18. “You’re beautiful, and if anyone says that you’re not, know that they’re damn well wrong.”

19. “You’re warm, s'great for cuddling.”

20. “Send help, the kids are out of control!”

21. “C'mere you sexy thing!”

22. “I, um, might’ve gone a little bit overboard on the shopping.” “A little bit?!”

23. “You did this all for me?” “No, I did this for Jeffrey across the street. Yes I did this for you!”

24. “What the hell is happening to me?”

25. “You aren’t dreaming, look, I’m here, this is real.”

26. “There’s so much blood, it won’t come off!”

27. “Woah, slow down, what’s going on?”

28. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

29. “You mess with her/him, you mess with me.”

30. “That’s it, you’re staying here until I can get this sorted.” “But I–” “No buts!”

31. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

32. “I love you, you know that right?”

33. “I’m coming to get you, stay there.”

34. “Okay, so don’t freak out, but I got flour everywhere…”

35. “Is it supposed to look like that?” “I think so?” “Is that a question or a statement?”

36. “Woah, I never knew you had a tattoo!”

37. “Are you safe?” “I-I don’t know.”

38. “S/he deserves better than me.”

39. “We’re more than just friends and you know it.”

40. “It’s me! It’s me! Calm down, baby, please.”

41. “What have you been doing? Actually, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”

42. “Is the movie too scary? I can stop it if you want and we could watch something else.”

44. “Touch her again, and I’ll kill you.” “Will you? Because last time I checked, petty threats don’t do shit, ____. They just piss me off more.”

45. “You don’t mess with my family.”

46. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

47. “Please don’t leave me.”

48. “Did you just slap my ass?” “Actually, I firmly grasped it.” “Did you just quote Spongebob?

49. “Beautiful.”

50. “Let her/him go, please! I’m the one you want!” “Oh really now? What can you do for me?”

51. “I’ve got you, you’re safe now.”

52. “And you didn’t think to tell me about this until now?” “I didn’t think it was that important…”

53. “I can’t carry on this way anymore, I can’t live like this.”

54. “You know if you wanted sex, you could’ve just asked.”

55. “Stop freaking out, you’re making me freak out! And I’m the level headed one of the house!”

56. “Please don’t do this, your family needs you, your friends need you, I need you.”

57. “You can’t hide from me!”

58. “Well this is a nice change of scenery.” “_____, we’re in a prison cell.” “I was being sarcastic.”

59. “How sweet, sacrificing yourself for her, when did you get a heart?”

60. “Um, I don’t think that what you’re doing is legal, so if you could just let me go, that would be great.”

61. “I thought you said you knew where we were going.”
“Yeah I lied.”

62. “Shit, you’re freezing, let’s get you warmed up, alright?”

63. “What happened to me?”

64. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, get up here.”

65. “It’s not like I’m some broken vase that you can just glue back together and then expect that everything will be okay again! It doesn’t work like that!”

66. “Everything I’ve done is for you, you’re the only thing in the world that matters to me.”

67. “Are you seriously stuck right now?” “Don’t just stand there! Help me!”

68. “I can’t do the things that you can do.”

69. “Please don’t post that, no!” “Oops, too late.”

70. “What game is that?”

71. “I said create a distraction, not this!”

72. “We’re in public, stop that.”

73. “I had some food from your fridge, I hope you don’t mind.”

74. “Hand over the girl.” “That’s not gonna happen in your lifetime.”

75. “Can you stop poking me?!” “I’m not poking you.”

76. “I’ve already told you this, we’re not killing anyone!”

77. “I’m about seventy five percent sure that this bridge won’t break.”
“Only seventy five?!”

78. “I need you to be my girlfriend for about five minutes.”

79. “I don’t need protecting!”

80. “You know they’re going to use the things you love against you.”

81. “It’s locked!” “You mean we’re stuck in here?”

82. “Shut up.” “I didn’t say anything.” “I don’t care, shut up.”

83. “Hey! I was watching that!”

84. “I thought they’d killed you, I’m glad I thought wrong.”

85. “Not now, I’m busy.”
“But it’s been so long!”

The Avenger-Mom (Bucky x Reader)

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Thank you for being amazing and beautiful in everything you do!

It’s been forever since I’ve written and I apologize for that.

Thank you all for the love on Notebook! I was shocked to say the least:)

Summary: You’re the ‘mom’ of the team but what happens when you’re not Bucky’s fan?

Word Count: Could this have been written in 2 parts? Sure, but where’s the fun in that?! Just kidding, I didn’t want to stop.. So.. Lord knows…. (I’m so sorry I don’t know I don’t have Word so I can’t count them and I refuse to count them myself because it’s a lot.)

Warnings: Suicide mentions, suicide scene (NO ONE DIES), sad moments tbh, fluff, hugs (A TON OF HUGS), sign language (If that’s even a warning), annoyed Bucky, nightmares, and crying. Dang… It sounds really heavy but go with it.

Please let me know if you liked it! Thank you for reading, I hope you have a good day:)

~Maggie~


*************************************************

Originally posted by theseromaniansarecrazy

You’ve been at the Avengers compound for almost 8 months because your cousin Tony requested you after the fallout between himself and none other than Captain America. Luckily between that time, Tony and Natasha have been speaking to Captain and the government finally expunged what James Barnes did while he was under mind-control by writing him off as ‘mentally unstable’.

You rubbed your hands together excitedly as you awaiting the arrival of the other half of the infamous team. To your knowledge they all knew who you were and understood your reasoning to be there for the team.

An Honorary Mother, everyone likes to say.

You’re a very affectionate person, you’ve always loved seeing people smile because of you and enjoyed helping them through issues and were very excited to help the coming members, especially James Barnes. You read his file and couldn’t stop the blush as you looked at all the pictures they had of him. He was incredibly handsome and you knew he needed someone other than Captain America to help.

“Hey, waiting for your new sons and daughters?” Natasha said lightly as she walked over to you at the entrance of the compound. You turn to her and gave her a hug, she laughs quietly and hugs you back before pulling away, “you do know you saw me an hour ago?” She asks with a quirked eyebrow, you shrug and watch the doors.

“Everyone needs hugs, it’s scientifically proven to help you mentally and physically, you know.” You note smiling at her, she rolls her eyes but smiles nonetheless.

“Are you excited to meet them?” She says after a few moments of silence, you nod quickly and look to the door, again rubbing your hands together.

“I hope they like me.” You say quietly looking at the floor briefly as though you’d just confessed to stealing cookies before dinner. Natasha puts an arm around your shoulder, grinning to reassure you.

“Don’t worry, they’ll love you. You’re our adopted mom.” You look at her and smile just as the doors open.

You wait for everyone to come up to you and Natasha, your heart pounding loudly in your ears and you stare up and Captain America and James Barnes, they have at least 8 inches on you. Natasha elbows you lightly and cocks her head towards them.

Captain puts his hand in front of you and smiles brightly, “Hello, my name is Steve Rogers, nice to meet you.” You glance at his hand then his face before hugging him around the waist tightly, he coughs awkwardly and hugs you back gently. You pull away and smile at everyone staring at you with wonder except James Barnes who stares at you with anxious eyes.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

gin, this new comic looks A LOT different from your superman au and adulthood au, in a good way! you seem to be trying out something new, did anything inspire it???

LKASDJFLASDFKSDF OKAY I’m sorry in advance I’m going to write a Bible on this I love these kind of questions THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON lkasdjflkasdf (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

I always find very thrilling to think of the visual aspects of a new project, the style, the characterization, the atmospheres, THE SYMBOLOGY BEHIND THE COLOR it makes me vibrate in excitement..!! I think it’s rather clear I didn’t get to fully enjoy comics until I started drawing The price of a soul because I started it without any kind of expectation. Superman au is exciting, too, but in an overwhelming way: it goes from the idea I had to everything I have to draw for it, (scenery, action scenes, robots, darker atmospheres, backgrounds) whereas TPOAS is just: oH MY GOD WHAT’S NEXT OH THEY ARE PLAYING A GAME OKAY MAN WHAT TIME OF THE DAY IS IT WHAT CLOTHES ARE THEY WEARING GOSH I NEED TO DRAW THE MOST GORGEOUS ALLEN IN THE SURFACE OF EARTH LOOK AT HOW HE LOOKS AT TAMASHI OH BABY YOU’VE GOT EVERYONE WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER I’M NOT CRYING WHILE DOODLING THIS PAGE ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT IF I TRY ORANGES FOR THE BACKGROUND MONOCHROME BACKGROUND I’M 

So, as you can see, there’s a huge difference in my own attitude HAHAHA But also what started as a simple, very simple project (i’m going to draw comic because I had an idea and I liked it) turned into something way bigger; this year at university I have been asked to develop a whole project every two weeks for almost every subject, so I tried to focus everything on something I could at least enjoy/find useful (see Tamashi). And? And the kid just grew on me so much I can’t believe it? The price of a soul has currently two branches of work: the comic, which is the project I want to focus on once uni is over (and finish, i’m so resolute to finish it it’s scary, I’m not sure I have ever felt this way towards anything creation-wise) and a different story which will incorporate a webpage and interactive options, which is still about Tamashi and Kanda and Allen, but the background is built on a different world than the one in D.Gray-man. I’m fascinated about all the options I have to tell Tamashi’s story, to create different sides of Tamashi’s story, to experiment, to grow. I can tell from the superman au to The price of a soul there’s like a huge step. Maybe not so much in drawing quality, I feel like I have been drawing in the very same way for two years now, but in the way I understand conceptualism, build character, moments through work on atmosphere… It’s still very immature, though? I can go through the pages of tpoas and see I messed up in here and in there, and I should have explained this one moment better, etc, but man I don’t care at all (´∇ノ`*)ノ 

Currently I’m working on finishing the comic, developing a visual novel for Tamashi, creating a webpage around it and it crossed my mind multiple times to draw a The art of Tamashi book in which I get to explain deeply all the work behind it, along with collaborations of other artists on this project!! TAMASHI TOOK OVER MY LIFE AND I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE WHEN IT HAPPENED

(The featured art belongs to Pixie, Angie and Izzy respectively) 

Man I don’t really know what to say, only that my hands shake and I feel like crying regarding this project

Warmth

(A/N): I love this so much *sobbing* 

Request: Ur writing is so nice omg; never second guess it! I was wondering if you could possibly write a Bucky x reader? When I’m sleeping, if I wake up cold, i start crying and shivering and usually cry myself back to sleep? In the fic, could this happen and Bucky is really confused at first but then the reader curls up to him for warmth and fluff yeah sorry that’s so confusing but yeah thanks for reading this! You’re amazing!

Warnings: fllufffffff

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018, @holland-toms, @superwholockian309, @fly-f0rever, @capbuckthor


Originally posted by blvck--cvnvry

   Bucky the blanket hog, That’s what his name should have been because right now the supersoldier was hogging all the blanket and you were shivering like a freaking mess. It didn’t help you were still groggy from your last mission and now you were sleeping on an uncomfortable motel bed with dingy unwashed blankets in the middle of fucking winter. 

   “Buck,” You whisper, nudging the man with your toes, hoping the freezing nature of them would jolt him awake. “Buck, I’m cold,” But the man doesn’t respond, instead he keeps on snoring away, his face press up against the old motel pillows. With a sigh you turn your back to him, instead looking out into the white scenery of whatever godforsaken country you were in. 

   The snow fell heavily to the ground, it clung to the window and trees, it made the black sky look even darker. Usually you loved the snow, that was when you had a blanket and something to warm you up but right now you had nothing, you were freezing and tired and all you wanted was to warm up and get some sleep. You were already frustrated with the mission and how it was turning out, you were tired and sore, you wanted to go home and eat food and drink coffee, and most of all you wanted sleep. 

   The frustrations of the last few days bubble within you and suddenly you find your cheeks wet with tears, very cold tears. You groan softly, attempting to rub them away but the action only seems to spur them on and now there are tears pooling from your eyes as you whimper and sniffle. Perhaps you could cry yourself to sleep? You continue to sniffle, freezing tears cascading down your cheeks as you attempt to sleep. The chill of the room had settled into your bones and you were shivering so violently you felt as though may throw up from the force of it. 

   “(Y/N)?” Bucky’s voice is muffled and groggy, hoarse from sleep and lack of use. “That you?” You don’t reply, to focused on keeping your teeth from chattering to answer. “Shit,” Bucky mutters as he sits up, all trace of exhaustion wiped from him. “God- you’re freezing doll,” Bucky whispers, nearly frantically looking down at you in the dark room. 

   “Y-Yeah,” You manage as you rub your arms, attempting to bring some life back to them. Immediately Bucky pulls you to his chest with one arm while the other quickly pulls the blankets back around you. It was a stark contrast between the two of you- you were literally freezing, your tears most likely freezing on your face, whereas Bucky was a literal human furnace, even his metal arm was scalding hot. 

   “I’m so sorry (Y/N),” He whispers as he nuzzles his scruffy but warm face into your neck. “I didn’t realized I was hogging the blankets,” You sigh against him finally starting to feel the tips of your fingers once again. 

   “I-It’s o-okay,” You manage through still chattering teeth. “I w-would’ve gone b-back t-to sleep a-anyways,” 

   “You’d have froze to death,” Bucky chastises softly, his arms slowly massaging at different parts of your body, working the feeling back into them. First it was your back, then your neck, and then to your fingers, and eventually down to your freezing stomach and legs. Your feet were intertwined with his and his arms had once again rewrapped around your waist, keeping you locked against his body. “You’re still cold,” He notes, the worry evident in his voice. 

   “Just a bit,” You manage, giving Bucky an almost pained smile. Bucky frowns as he looks you over, trying to decide how to warm you up. His hands creep up your shirt, his palms slowly working warmth back into your body. 

   “Skin contact can help,” Bucky notes softly, looking at you only a bit hesitantly. 

   “Are you saying you want me naked Barnes?” You smirk, despite the chill that still lingered in your bones. Bucky nods, biting his lip just a bit. 

   “There’s another blanket in the closet too, I’ll grab that while you do your thing,” Bucky smiles at you before sliding out of bed, leaving you freezing once more. Immediately you begin to strip, taking off your shirt, sweats, and socks, leaving you even colder than before but before you could cry this time Bucky walked back to the bed, a thick albeit old blanket in his hand. He’s stripped of his clothing too and as soon as he lays next to you you’re hit with his full body warmth. 

   You whimper softly as he lays the blanket atop the motel sheets, you’re limbs already melting at his warmth. He smelled heavenly, like fresh sheets with just the tiniest bit of sugar, and god he was so warm. He settles back down against the bed once he situates the blanket perfectly, his warm face presses against yours, your noses brushing against each others, the warmth of his breath fanning across your lips as he breathes. 

   “Still cold?” He asks in a soft tone, his voice holding it’s own kind of warmth. 

   “Just the tiniest bit,” You smile at him, feeling your eyelids droop as you do. You were so tired, so unbelievably tired but now you had this warmth and it was leaving you feeling pleasantly tired and- 

   Your train of thought cut shorts when suddenly Bucky’s soft lips are pressed to yours, his warm mouth invading your own. His hands slide up and down your bare back, pulling you even closer to his body as he does. His kiss is soft and lazy, nearly lethargic if you think about it, but you loved it more than words could describe. His warmth slowly mingles with your freezing body and when he finally pulls away to breathe you realize you’re feeling so much warmer now than you were. You smile breathlessly, staring up at Bucky with a sleepy but no less than adoring gaze. 

   “Still cold?” He asks, his voice holding nothing more than a sleepy tone at this point. You shake your head this time, smiling as you tuck your head under his chin. 

  “Not at all,” 

and maybe in a different life,
he doesn’t leave you
and you love with sunshine hearts
and everything is bright.

maybe it could have been different
if you were more forgiving
and he stopped trailing blood,
you opened your mouth less
and he opened his more,
you didn’t love too harshly
and he didn’t throw his out the door.

but this isn’t a different life
and things aren’t different.
it doesn’t matter what could have been.
it only matters that he’s not here
and you’re shaking,
sleeping with a nightlight on in bed
because you’re so scared
of living a life without him.

i know.
i’ve been there.
there’s nothing poetic about
the way it feels to cry on the floor.
but sometimes that’s the way life is.
sometimes that’s how you move on.

and you’ve got to move on.
you have to weed through
every part of yourself
until you find the strength to let go.
you can’t keep dreaming.
it won’t change things.

you’ve got to live.
pick yourself up.
smile at the little things.
you have to realize this life
is much bigger than him.
you don’t have a choice.
this is the way it is.

—  and maybe this way is for the best

you know what’s beautiful?
i mean that entire episode was beautiful
but i love how we saw how much the doctor’s changed
how much his past experiences changed him
ten wiped donna’s memories despite her arguing, full with righteous agony
then he tried again with clara, and it fired right back at him
then came the third time, because he is an idiot
and all of his past came shouting right back at him
bill mirroring clara’s words, reminding him what happened
susan’s and river’s faces, their voices shouting at him in his mind
and the tardis whispering from the corner of his office
in the past, bill could easily have been a one-time thing
but times change
the doctor makes the right choice sometimes
and bill gets to see the universe

it’s 2017 and there are still people who get upset when harry potter characters are suggested to be poc

like i’m sorry to break it to you pal but england is quite a multiracial country and there are very few characters that are explicitly said or implied to be white. i mean yes, it’s probably safe to assume that the weasleys and lily are white, because of the red hair-thing (tho they could be from the middle east as well), and the malfoys, because of the white blonde-thing, and, given that they all have the same mother and father, the black sisters, because of narcissa’s blonde hair and fair skin

but tbh there are no (or few) actual indicators that characters like harry, hermione, james, sirius, neville, pansy, snape, sprout and so many others are white, so maybe just stop crying because the big bad fandom shattered your thoughts on what must surely have been an incredibly crucial aspect of your life, yes?

ngl percy asking if he was chosen by orthax because he was broken or if orthax broke him and the raven queen telling him that he was always broken, just as all life is inherently broken from the start? remains one of my favorite moments

because percy keeps a lot of his emotions bottled up and he didn’t yell or cry when she told him that, but you could see that it hit him between the ribs when she said it. because percy didn’t take in the “you’re all broken” part, he just took the “i am broken and i have always been broken” part to heart, because that’s who he is when it comes to himself.

and meanwhile the extent of what the raven queen told him was so insightful about her - the mortal who ascended to godhood and whose identity has been lost to time - as she spoke to this mortal who has probably set forth a change in the world all because of a single deal that he made while he was vulnerable, a mortal who’s causing a massive industrialization starting in whitestone that will no doubt spread eventually, no matter how hard he tries to keep it contained. because we learn a lot about the raven queen from her visits with vax, her champion who she speaks softly with and even drops her mask around, but we learn just as much from a single brief conversation with percy, who is an outsider and a disbeliever who even worries this goddess to a point, even causing her to warn him of what side he may end up on if he’s not careful.

My first stab at appendicitis (wow, I didn’t intend for that to be a shitty pun), so hang with me! (I may have gotten really excited when writing this.) 

When Keith woke to a dull throb in the middle of his abdomen a few days earlier, he pegged it on lack of sleep mixed with poor appetite and went to class.

However, three days later, and instead of getting better like he had hoped, he was getting worse. The dull throb had spread from the middle of his stomach to the lower-right side, and it didn’t take a genius to know that that was where the appendix was located.

But, appendicitis was rare. At least, that’s what Keith told himself when he struggled out of bed to get ready for class. He was most likely dealing with some shit strain of the flu, but he couldn’t miss class, not with midterms approaching.

He tossed a hoodie and a pair of sweats on and crammed his feet into the closest pair of boots before shouldering his backpack.

“No breakfast?” Lance questioned with a frown as Keith moved toward the door.

“Not hungry,” Keith called over his shoulder as he turned the doorknob.

“I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen you eat in like three days,” Lance pressed, abandoning his bowl of cereal in favor of catching his boyfriend before he could bolt out the door.

He hooked a finger around Keith’s backpack strap and tugged hard until the latter was stumbling around to face him.

Lance moved his eyes slowly across Keith’s face. The latter was paler than usual and slightly flushed, but before he could press further with questions, Keith stepped forward and planted a firm kiss to his lips.

Keep reading

Update: Sherlolly: A Male Newbie’s Perspective.

So…the long awaited Sherlolly: A Male Newbie’s Perspective, is on it’s way. Promise!! I had no idea my son and his friend’s comments would be received with so much interest. Live and learn, right? Truth be told, their response to His Last Vow wasn’t nearly as interesting as their previous thoughts. In my humble opinion. They watched with rapt attention, and offered - quite vocally - their thoughts on the overall episode, which was far more serious than TEH and TSoT. I’ll finish it up over the weekend.

In the meantime, for those who asked, and because it’s still fresh in my mind – here’s a few conversations that took place amongst my daughter and sister, after The Final Problem. Parts of the conversations are slightly paraphrased, although I did have a chat record with @swjmart about those conversations immediately afterward, while they were fresh in my memory.

I feel a bit silly posting this, but given all the crap Sherlollians have put up with over the years, I wanna add to this ship and see it turn into an Arc. Just sayin’.

I’ll start with my sister, who is the quintessential casual viewer. She didn’t start watching Sherlock until this past autumn, when she binged on Netflix. Lucky girl – she did not put herself through an agonizing three year hiatus. Whether she realizes it or not – she digs Sherlolly! Yay!


It all started with a late morning phone call….


Sister (which will be referred to by ’S’): So, did you watch Sherlock?

Me: Surely you jest.

S: Just thought I’d ask. Did you like it?

Me: Of course. You?

S – Oh gosh yes! T (her hubby), sat on the edge of his seat the whole time, even covered his face in a few places.

Me: God, he’s such a pussy.

S: What?

Me: Never-mind. So, what’d ya think.

S: It was excellent – I loved the whole season, but wish there was more than three episodes.

Me: Welcome to fandom.

S: Pardon?

Me: Nothing. Continue.

S: Can you even imagine having a sister that brilliant and insane? That was so heartbreaking. Really, T almost cried.

Me:  I know, completely mind-blowing, although there were clues in previous episodes that some shit went down. (silently begging her to get to the good part about Molly and Sherlock saying I love you, but not wanting to be overly obvious.)

S: I wish you’d stop swearing. (sister does not swear ~le sigh~)

Me: Do you know that recent studies showed people who swear —

S: Whatever, P. Those clues never indicated a child was murdered.

Me: I know, but even though it was ‘technically’ murder, I don’t think that was the intention of five year old Eurus. She wanted her brother to play.

Me: Hmmm. Weren’t you even a bit disappointed that nothing was said or shown about Victor Trevor’s family, or any investigation? (I’m not being serious, of course, just baiting for opinion)

S: No, it’s not that kind of show. It’s not CSI Sherlock.

(now I get to go in for what I really want to know!)

Me: But there were so many things left unresolved!

S: Like what?

Me: What do you mean 'like what?’ I thought you said you watched.

S: T and I thought the season finale was great – there was nothing left unresolved. I don’t know if they’re going to make another season, because all the actors are so in demand, but if not – I don’t know how it could have ended more perfectly. The only thing I’m really sad about is Mary dying. She was such an interesting character and I liked her a lot.

Me: You didn’t get put off that she shot Sherlock? At one point I found it very hard to believe how easily she was forgiven.

S: Of course shooting the protagonist was dramatic, but he didn’t mind, why should you?

Me: What?

S: You do know these are fictional characters, right?

Me: Don’t be ridiculous.

S: These characters are very dark and most of the time suicidal. Sherlock was on drugs probably all of season three and most of season 4, so of course he didn’t have a problem forgiving Mary. He probably admired her for it. They’re fun to watch, but you can’t think of them as normal – they’re not. Except for Molly. She is the only relatable character. I think she’s T’s favorite part of the show. It’s just too bad they didn’t give her more.

Me: Agree. But…but what about the Molly / Sherlock phone call dealio? I mean, what happened there? The only thing we got after that was a 2 second montage of Molly walking into Baker St.

S: So?

Me: So?! What happened? One minute she’s crying, Sherlock’s smashing a coffin and then she’s all smiles. WTF?

S: They’re not going to show that. I thought you preferred British television over American? British television is always more subtle.

Me: I know, but still – they could have given something more than a stupid montage.

S: They got married. That wasn’t hard to figure out.

Me: What? LOL!

S: Molly has always loved him, anyone who watched the show could see that. Sherlock is probably the most emotionally constipated fictional character ever written - Spock doesn’t count because he’s Vulcan - and he finally realized he loves her too. Probably always has. They’ve been building this up from the beginning. Didn’t you ever pay attention to all the stuff he pulled? Sabotaging her date before he knew that guy was his enemy? He told her to give up on relationships. It’s not like he was joking, although it was funny. He’s literal about that stuff. He didn’t want her to date because he couldn’t cope, it was about him, not her. T really loved that part – wished he would have thought about it when he was trying to date me. Then there’s Sherlock’s temper tantrums, and getting her to do things he could do himself. It’s typical stuff men do when they’re jealous or stupid. They think they’re being smart, like no one can see through all their crap.

Me: Looking at it that way, he probably broke up her engagement, too.

S: Oh, you know he did. T called it right away. What episode was that, where he told her how important she was and basically had eye sex with her. If it had been any other woman they probably would have burst out laughing. What a guy move.

Me: Ummm, the one where he came back, that one? And, btw, I wouldn’t have laughed if Benedict Cumberbatch was staring into my eyes.

(okay, this is literally the most surreal convo I’ve ever had with my sister. I had. no. idea. she even thought about stuff like this.)

S: Well, he’s not Benedict Cumberbatch, he’s Sherlock, lol! Not real life, remember? And, yes, that’s the episode. After that scene T said, 'her engagement just ended.’ Thought it was a smooth move. I’m telling you, this is typical guy stuff.

Me: He probably caused her to doubt herself.

S: It doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t have lasted anyway. It was over when Sherlock came back.

Me: So, why do you think they got married?

S: How old is Sherlock and these guys? Mid to late 30’s? What do you think he’s going to do? Start dating? He’s not going to do that. He can barely cope with what he does feel and Molly is patient and independent enough to be his partner and she’s not needy. Which is good because he is.

Me: So you didn’t see her as weak with unrequited love?

S: Where would you get that idea? Who cares if she’s loved him the whole time. It’s not like she sat around waiting for him to do something about it. She has life and must have felt he cared too, otherwise she wouldn’t have stuck around. She’s not one of our girlfriends who has no self-will or independent thought, and lives in a constant state of angst because her boyfriend or husband is horrible and we have to constantly tell her to leave. It’s not real life. Besides, Molly is sane and helps him connect to people and the world, like John does. Speaking of which, wasn’t it the episode before this one where John gave Sherlock that big speech about how a relationship would make him complete?

Me: Yep, he did. But, he was talking about Irene Adler.

S: Oh, she doesn’t matter.

Me: No?

S: He doesn’t love her. She’s every guy’s fantasy, it’s not real. T still believes Drew Barrymore will adore him if they ever met. Keep dreaming, big guy. Anyway, the writer’s set up some big dramatic relationship thing with John’s speech. So, you knew something was going to happen between Sherlock and Molly.

Me: It’s called foreshadowing.

S: Sherlock is completely ignorant about how to do relationships and love. He trusts Molly with his feelings and heart – she kept his secret for two years about being dead - and now that he knows how much he loves her, why would he let her go? He wouldn’t do that. The only way to keep her around is to marry her. At least that’s what I think. Or, maybe they live together forever…although if I were Molly he’d have to come to my place because it’s so much nicer and she can make him leave when he’s annoying or too clingy. Besides, his place is too dangerous and it’s more like an office than a home.

Me: I just read an interview this morning from Steven Moffat, the show’s creator and writer, who said that Molly was wounded by what happened, but Sherlock was devastated. He went on to say Sherlock apologized, Molly called him a 'bastard’ and they got over it. Then he added that Molly probably had a drink and shagged someone. What the hell, right?

S: That doesn’t sound like the character I saw, but then you probably shouldn’t take stuff like this so literally. I’m sure Sherlock apologized and you could see he was devastated. She almost died – I mean, I was holding my breath and wondering if they were going to kill her. Honestly, that was the most heart-pounding part of the whole episode. Of course he was devastated, but Molly was really hurt. She thought he was making fun of her and they both thought that whatever they did have together was over at the end of that scene. Maybe what the writer is saying is that they had sex together? That would make more sense after something this horrific. Wouldn’t you? I know it’s not real life, but if you were Sherlock and realized you loved someone and that person almost died, those emotions are powerful, overwhelming and mess with your mind. They probably had sex first and then he told her what happened. You know, like couples have sex after they argue.

Me: I didn’t realize you were such a romantic.

S: The whole show is a romance, with some mysteries thrown in. It’s not Hollywood, it’s very subtle. I thought you minored in English composition and literature? You should know this stuff.

Me: I do, but just thought I’d get your take. Hey, let me ask you one more thing…there’s this idea that John moved back into Baker St.

S: Why would he do that?

Me: Probably because he did that in the books, only it was very different because they (S / J) were much older and Mary had already been dead for a long time. Of course John didn’t have a kid in the books, at least not that anyone knew of. Although, I think there’s some pastiches that suggest, or give him, a child.

S: I can’t think why that character would do something so dumb and irresponsible. He’s smarter than that. Baker St isn’t safe for a baby and why would he or Sherlock want a baby around all the time?  It’s Sherlock’s office with a bedroom. His kitchen is contaminated and he keeps body parts around. They meet clients and really dangerous people come there. Plus, John has his own house. If he did anything, maybe he should experience what single mother’s go through and have to take care of his child after working all day and saying 'no’ to things because he has to put his child first. I understand people helping out right after Mary died. Mom had all kinds of help after our dad died, remember? But, this isn’t RL and he and Sherlock have their 'the game is on’ thing, so the baby is going to be sent to be with others.

*** Pretty much the end of of our convo, unless someone wants to hear about how we planned an outing at Sephora and met for lunch…. Probably not, right?


Phone call from daughter, who is known as 'K’ – another casual viewer.


K: So, did you watch?

Me: Of course. Watching it again, to be honest. What did you think? Just give me the Molly / Sherlock low down.

K: Wow, he really lost his shit, didn’t he?

Me: Yup.

K: I honestly thought they were going to kill Molly.

Me: I was a bit worried too. So, what do you think ended up happening between them? We were only given a few seconds.

K: They got married or living together.

Me: Have you been talking with your aunt?

K: No, why?

Me: Because she said the same thing.

K: It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Me: Why do people keep saying that?

K: What else is Sherlock gonna to do? He could barely do stuff without her before he knew he loved her, and now that he knows, it’s not like he’d let her disappear.

Me: Wow, I guess something’s just aren’t that obvious to me. (just kidding, of course)

K: Yeah, well, you don’t watch much television, so maybe you don’t notice stuff.

Me: You don’t think they’d date for a while, that sort of thing?

K: Why? Like Mike (her boyfriend) said – Sherlock just got played by two women.

Me: I don’t understand.

K: The evil sister set up the test for Sherlock to get Molly to say I Love You, right?

Me: Yeah.

K: But, that’s not what it was about. Molly wouldn’t say it until he said it first, because she thought he was playing a game and making fun of her. But, his sister had been watching Molly and maybe watching Sherlock too and knew Molly loved him but would never say 'I love you’ unless Sherlock said it first. But, Sherlock is thinking he just has to get Molly to say it, when the real game was about getting him to say it. But, he’s not going to say it, he won’t even consider it, because he’s an emotional dwarf. So, the only way to get him to say it was knowing Molly wouldn’t, thereby applying the appropriate pressure needed for him to grow the fuck up and get some balls. Well, that’s what Mike said, but I agree. Molly didn’t know she was being played, but his theory still works.

Me: So, his sister played Dolly Levi.

K: No, she’s just bat-shit, fucking crazy and didn’t care. She wanted the thrill of the ride. She doesn’t understand emotional attachment

Me: But, why married?

K: Maybe not married, but they’re definitely living together in a committed relationship for life. Sherlock isn’t capable of anything less. I mean, he could be, he is smart, but I doubt it. God, mom, he railroads her all the time. He would literally implode if she went off and found someone else. I mean, think about the few genius people you know. They have no idea how to do shit and need normal people to help them.

Me: I don’t think he’s that bad off.

K: Maybe not, but he was shooting up all last season because he couldn’t cope with the changes with his friends. John got married, Molly was engaged. He was able to be part of John’s life, but not Molly’s. And he spent most of this season high as a kite. He almost overdosed on the jet when they shipped him off for killing that guy.

Me: Part of that was because Mary asked him to save John.

K: Yeah, but not the jet part. He doesn’t cope with loss and there were other ways to help John. He was dying, mom – headed toward renal failure. Maybe now that he has those memories about his sister, he’ll be able to do better and won’t have the need to self-anesthesize. Plus, he finally understands he loves Molly, like really loves her and being with her helps him stay grounded – she keeps him centered. It takes a village to raise Sherlock.

Me: True dat. So the coffin part was pretty intense.

K: It was. But, he was scared, emotionally vulnerable and couldn’t manage what he was feeling. He had to vent and the coffin was handy. I also think he realized how much he’s hurt Molly. Not just the phone call, but all the other stuff he’s done. She couldn’t trust him and almost died because of it. He got to see what he caused, the consequences of his bullshit. He didn’t know that. He never connected the emotional dots about why she couldn’t say 'I love you’. So, yes, I think he married her and probably will never, ever do another thing to cause her any doubt. His life is too dangerous to put his bullshit on her, leaving her not knowing when he’s being a douche and doing his fakey mcfakerson shit, or being serious. And, why wouldn’t Molly want marriage or a committed life with him? She’s been on the ride since the beginning and it’s better for both of them to be on the same page. They’re both kinda lost without the other.

Me: Right on. So, the I love you was real?

K: Later, mom.

*click*


So, there ya have it. Two perspectives from non-fandom people. I love Sherlollians, even the ones who don’t know they’re one. : )

Remedy (1)

Bucky x reader

Bucky’s POV.

Notes: trigger warnings! Implications of sexual abuse, mentions of torture, swearing, injuries, cute-ass Bucky who knows exactly how to be sweet and careful. 

It starts out a bit dark, but I promise, it’s all sweetness after. I thought everyone could use a little sweet, caring, cute and a little snarky Bucky after today. I hope you’re all doing okay, and I hope this maybe helps getting your minds off pressing matters, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Love you guys, stay strong. 

Summary: when a woman is found at an abandoned Hydra base, more dead than alive, Bucky takes it upon himself to help her in any and every way he can. He doesn’t have much of a choice, being the first to approach her without the intention of hurting her in a long time, she doesn’t trust anyone around but him. 

Originally posted by jamesbuchananbarnesisbae

“Steve, seriously. I don’t need a babysitter”

“I’m not babysitting you, Buck”

“Then why are you still on my damn ass when you could be on the other side of this fuckin’ warehouse, and thus, making this go a hell of a lot faster?”

Silence.

Steve can be such a damn mom sometimes., thinking I can’t do a fucking sweep on my own.

“You know, sometimes you make me think that you just like lookin’ at my ass, Rogers”

“I’d like to be lookin’ at your ass when I kick it” Steve muttered under his breath, as if I couldn’t hear it.

“Don’t tempt me”

Keep reading

He has someone else

Hi guys! As promised, this is the One Shot of Harry cheating. Hope you’ll like it!

Plot: Harry’s girlfriend is confronted with the knowledge that he’s cheating on her and has no choice but to deal with the consequences. 

Warnings: There’s hints on smut as well as a smut scene, but it’s not too dirty. 

The pic isn’t mine, but oh so beautiful. 

It was Wednesday when the life I loved ended.

The day had started and been nothing but completely ordinary, until now. Because at this moment, both of my hands were numb, shaking and sweaty. My lips were bitten and I couldn’t recall when my eyes last had to fight so hard to keep the wave of tears at bay.
Nick had meant well, as he always did, being one of the nicest people I knew. He was staring at me, unsure what to say and I could read by his expression that he was doubting both, my sanity and whether or not he had made the right decision to tell me. His words kept replaying in my mind, becoming louder and louder by the minute until they resounded inside my head as a yell.

“Harry has been sleeping with a girl he met in LA for a while now. About 3 months, I’d say, but… maybe a little more than that.”

At first I hadn’t believed him. Because how could it be true? Harry and I loved each other and neither of us could ever betray the other like this, right? Understanding my doubts, Nick had grimaced and pulled out his phone, pressed a few buttons before turning the screen so I had a perfect view onto the numerous texts he had received from Harry. They had proven everything and told the story how he had met her and how, though he’d felt bad, had slipped into a relationship with her. My vision had blurred once I got to the part of him describing what had gone through his head while sleeping with her for the first time, and I had felt sick.
The reality of it all had yet to kick in as my mind tried and failed to make sense of it at all. It was most certainly not what I had expected to hear when Nick had called me this morning and asked if I could meet him for coffee. I’d expected it to be about Harry’s upcoming birthday. Sure, a little early, but hadn’t we started to plan his birthday party early last year as well? We had been so in love back then and, at least as I thought, still were. All the butterflies in the world erupted in our tummies when the other smiled. Our hearts beat in the same rhythm. We had the kind of connection every couple desired to have themselves and therefor stirred jealousy in them.
The smile left my lips as all blood drained form my face. Nothing would be the same from now on, I realized. The life I’d led for the past two years was about to end and turn into an unpredictable and unwanted replacement.

“Y/N?” Nick’s voice was soft and low.

One of his hands which had both been clasping his coffee mug reached out for me and took a gentle hold of my wrist. His kitchen in which we sat, suddenly seemed awfully small and a restlessness settled into my bones.

“You are welcome to stay here. I have two spare rooms so… you’d have your space. It’d be easy.”

Nothing about any of this was or would ever be easy.
Harry had held a girl who wasn’t me. His lips had kissed someone, other than me. He had sex with a girl. And she was not me. What made the tears fall from my eyes and spill onto my cheeks, what caused my heart to shatter into pieces was, how just because he had her, he hadn’t stopped holding me at night. Harry and I had still kissed, often, and with so much love we lost our breaths and believed to be in a different world. He had still come to bed with me and touched me, and looking back I could not recall feeling any less loved. But I must have been lacking his love for a long time, because otherwise, I would have surely been enough, right?
The skin of both cheeks was wet and no will was left in me to somehow stop the tears from spilling freely from my eyes. Nick’s expression of sadness and regret increased with each cry and yelp slipping from my lips.

“Y/N,” he spoke in a pleading tone, though I believed neither of us knew what he was pleading me for.

“I appreciate it, Nick,” I whimpered, sounding utterly ironic, “for telling me. I know that I-”

A sob wrecked through my body, interrupting my sentence and I briefly shut my eyes and attempted to catch a breath.

“You love H-Harry and he… what I mean to say is thank you so much, Nick…”

“Of course, Y/N,” he answered gently, a hesitant, yet warm smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

I tried to give him a smile back and raised my own mug to my lips, taking a small sip from the lukewarm camomile tea. Nick’s eyes followed my movements.

“What do you think you’re going to do next?” he asked quietly.

My shoulders lifted and lowered in a shrug and my aching lungs filled with air when I took a deep breath.

“I think I’ll go home.”

….

The sound of my home front door falling shut behind me had a shiver rush over my skin. The noise echoed almost in a mocking way and I hurried to drop the keys in the small bowl we kept by the wooden hall-stand next to the entrance. My feet made their way to the kitchen where I began the ordinary task of making tea in hopes a warm liquid to drink would calm my distraught emotions. To my great luck the tears had ceased to fall during the quiet car ride. Nick had insisted to drive which allowed me to settle down in my seat and try to collect my thoughts. Though I had not quite figured out how, I knew what I needed to set as a goal from this day forward. Ending what had been Harry’s and mine relationship for the past two years. There would be a lot to decide, plan and organize, finding a new home was at the top of that list, and no matter how much this all pained me, it was the only thing I could do.

Harry had taken someone new to be his partner, and though it may ‘only’ have been in the physical sense so far, it might as well have become an emotional connection by this point. It wouldn’t have mattered much concerning my decision. This wasn’t something I could possibly tolerate. The only thing knowing he was only in it for the physical act brought me, was a strange sense of relief. One that I couldn’t explain.  
Harry and I had stopped being the happy couple we had been for a long time, exactly 3 months and 2 weeks ago. That was, I assumed, not a coincidence and marked the day he had started to seek comfort in someone else. 14 weeks ago. 14 weeks, in which every sign, act and word of love had meant absolutely nothing.

I flinched when the front door opened loudly and slammed shut, indicating Harry’s return home. He didn’t call out to actually announce he was back, just like he hadn’t done in a long time. My fingers hastily rubbed my cheeks, drying them off and with both eyes squeezed shut I willed myself not to scream. I didn’t turn around when I heard his steps coming closer until he stopped to stand in the doorway.

“Hi,” he spoke, nothing but plain indifference in his voice.

Taking a deep breath I looked over my shoulder, wearing a fake smile like a mask while my hands brushed over the wrinkled shirt I wore.
His appearance robbed me of my last breath. Everything about Harry was so familiar to me, I probably could have described him in detail without having seen him in a month. And still, now that I was looking at his body, his effortless beauty felt overwhelming. The soft and slightly curled brown hair was styled up, freeing his forehead and making room for his green eyes to sparkle without any disobedient strands covering them. He stood tall, adorning the typical black and tight jeans combined with an almost see through white shirt, complimenting his physic by showing off every muscle. He looked like and angel. Perhaps that was why I had stayed a fool for so long. My gaze left his again and I turned to look back at my hands.

“Hi,” I breathed, pretending to be busy reorganizing our tea supplies. “I didn’t expect you to be home already.”

“It’s 7 PM. When else was I supposed to be back?”

Any other time you please, I thought. His words and the faint tone of mockery in them stung, as Harry hadn’t come home by the time he’d promised he would in a while. But I let it go.

“Right,” I mumbled, “How silly of me.”

“What’s for dinner?” he demanded, unfazed by my reply, just as if he hadn’t heard it at all.

Before I had gone to meet Nick, I had prepared a lasagna for Harry and I, thinking a nice dinner might give as a chance to talk a bit. Now it seemed like a joke when I stared at the food in the oven, watching how its crust slowly began to melt.

“It should be warm in about ten minutes,” I quietly informed the man standing impatiently by the counter, his phone in his hand, clearly not granting me any of his attention, “I’m not feeling too well, so… I’ll be upstairs.”

From the moment I exited the kitchen, I felt as if I was separated from my body. It couldn’t be my feet which moved up the stairs, fleeing from the man I loved. It wasn’t me who’s palms pressed the door to Harry’s and my bedroom shut and it certainly couldn’t be me who’s fingers turned the key in its lock with so little hesitation, locking him out. I refused to believe that the girl kneeling in the middle of the room, with her shoulders shaking as sobs and cries wrecked through her entire body, was me. But it was. And no matter how hard I tried not to, there was no resisting against the despair I was feeling. All of a sudden every last bit of strength left me alone with my excruciating pain and I felt utterly defeated.
The walls of our house were thin. So thin actually, Harry had often even claimed he could hear my every move upstairs over the TV playing in the living room. Back then this had made me laugh, now it gave me the knowledge that Harry could hear every painful noise coming from me. And the fact that there was no knock on the door made clear that he really didn’t care. He was punishing me with total indifference.
My trembling fingers reached for my phone and opened Nick’s chat, typing one simple message.

Don’t tell him I know.

….

Today it marked 17 days since I had learned of Harry’s betrayal and until two days ago I hadn’t done anything to work towards settling everything to leave him.

Harry had taken no notice of my despair. He hadn’t commented on my swollen and red eyes when I’d faced him after that awful first night and neither had he mentioned the fact that he’d had to sleep in our guest room, given that I had fallen asleep without unlocking the bedroom door for him. He hadn’t spoken one word about it, but instead stopped coming home most nights. And when he did, then he either behaved horrible to me or stayed silent all together. Simply put: we had become even less of a couple than what we had been anyway.
Noises like his rough voice announcing his departure or sights like him swallowing down his food without chewing so he could run off again, had me longingly miss the times where we hadn’t been able to get enough of each other.
I’d picked up on my plan only two days ago, after spending the night before with one of my best friends, Kate, who was quick to put me into my place. 

* one night earlier *

The heavy taste of alcohol on my tongue left my head feeling dizzy and my body in an almost tingling state. It needed more concentration on my part not to fall off the bar stool than it had in the beginning of the night, but I didn’t mind at all. This was exactly what I needed to relieve me from my ache. Next to me sat my friend Kate, very tipsy herself but in a much better shape than I was. She rested a gentle hand on my wrist and lectured me on my life choices.

“I know you love him still,” she said.

I shrugged and lifted my shot glass, tossing it back and swallowing the burning liquid. Though some days had passed, I hadn’t learned how to live with the newly gained knowledge of Harry’s unfaithfulness and until now I’d simply tried to push it to the little corner far away at the back of my head.

“I cannot comprehend what went wrong, Kate. What it was that I did to send him away.”

“You didn’t do anything, babe,” she spoke kindly.

Her blue eyes fixated on me and though I could tell that she didn’t approve of me drinking another shot, she didn’t comment it. It was my fourth tequila of the night and by this point, even my fingers began to tingle.

“I do love him. That’s why I haven’t kicked him out yet,” I admitted, my focus set on the tiny drops left at the bottom of my glass, “Well, that and the fact that the house is his.”

My sticky hands brushed over the skin of my cheeks as I hid my face behind them, shaking my head repeatedly. The liquor I had consumed kept the feelings at bay as I was, once again, overcome with the pure emotion of betrayal. My tears were kept from forming in my eyes and after taking one last deep breath I removed my palms, facing my friend.

“I love him, Kate, love him so, so much.”

I swallowed noisily as my heart fell to the pit of my stomach. Over the past few days I had been overcome with thoughts and memories of Harry and I whenever someone mentioned his name. The image of him lazily smiling at me as we lay in bed together after a stressful day was one that came back often. There had been a time in which it was part of our night routine, right after showering together, drying each other’s skin off and shortly before we began to make out tiredly. My stomach turned at the thought of what had become of that lovely ritual.

“Harry, he’s… everything. I mean…” I trailed off completely, my mind slow as it tried to find the right words to explain the situation I was in, “At least he has been so far and now that’s just supposed to change? I can’t make sense of it at all.”

“You didn’t choose any of this,” Kate spoke softly, taking a sip from her own drink, “Of course you don’t now how to make sense of it.”

“You know what’s the worst about all of this?” I asked.

The loud music around us seemed to quieten, as if anticipating what I had to say next. The air of the room felt so tense as if I could touch it.

“He still had sex with me.”

Tears shot to my eyes at the confession but I forced myself to ignore them, hoping they’d go away again. Kate’s brows furrowed as she, though understanding the pain I was in, didn’t know what I was getting at yet. My swollen eyes briefly focused on her face before moving to fixate on the empty glass I held between two fingers.
My next word voiced what had been frightening my for the past week, something I could only admit to someone as close to me as Kate without feeling embarrassed.

“Bare.”

Her forehead set into a frown as she failed to follow my trail of thoughts. Then it seemed to dawn on her and for the first time since I’d told her of the dilemma I was in, Kate truly looked like she didn’t know what to do to help me.

“Are you… Y/N, did he knock you up?”

I let my head fall back before shaking it vigorously. “No. I’m not pregnant.”

“Then what is it you’re trying to tell me?”

“Harry fucked me bare because he likes it better that way. How do I know he didn’t do that with her as well, Kate? That he didn’t have his way with the both of us, without using a condom?”

“Sweetie,” Kate began slowly, still unsure of what it was I was trying to say, “what is it?”

“What if she’s ill?” I asked, staring at my friend with desperation.

“No,” Kate shook hear head as her eyes filled with sadness, realizing how frightened I was, “We’re not even going down that road, Y/N. Stop troubling your mind.”

“You can’t tell me it’s not a possibility,” I argued.

Cold fear ran down my back and settled into every cell of my body. The thought that Harry’s infidelity may have caused me to have a sexually transmitted disease like HIV, had begun to burden me that very same night I had learned of his lover.
Kate, who’s hand still rested on my shoulder, smiled and squeezed me gently. Her eyes still held a softness, but their usual confidence had returned.

“You are fine,” she decided and with a final short increase of pressure to my shoulder, she released me and snapped her fingers to get the bartender’s attention.

Kate’s obvious beauty had caught his eyes easily and the young male was quick to follow her request of bringing us two more shots. Once we received them, Kate clinked her glass to mine, her prefect eyebrows raised and a certain smile pulling at her lips.

“You’ll go home and get to packing your things. You can stay at my place until you’ve found something else, that’s not an issue.”

My mind rushed back to the moment Nick had offered the same thing and though my heart still ached, I was overcome with a warmth as I once more learned how good hearted my friends were.

“Thank you.”

Kate shook her head and held up one finger. “I’m not done yet. You need to get out of that house and away from him. That’s your part. Get all your things sorted out and plan a good way to dump him. Make it brutal!”

I opened my mouth to protest, but she went on talking before I had a chance.

“In the meantime, I will get us both a doctor’s appointment. I won’t let you run around with that stupid worry in your head.”

She downed her shot and squeezed her eyes shut as the liquid burned her throat.

“Thank you,” I repeated, meaning it with all of my heart.

Her arm nudged mine. “What are best friends for, huh? Besides, I could use a check-up as well. It’s been a while since I’ve gone in and made sure my most precious region is alright.”

The laugh that escaped me at that comment was probably the most honest one I’d let out since losing Harry and I made a metal note to from now on keep in mind, that you might just get by with a little help from your friends.

….

It was now day five since Kate had ordered me to get everything arranged and so far it was save to say that I was doing fine. I had received several replies from landlords who were willing to rent their apartment to me, one rather eager woman had even been friendly enough to send out a handwritten welcoming letter. I’d gone through my options, but before I would actually go and look at them, I had decided to take up Kate’s offer and stay at her place.
We hadn’t decided on a date for me to move in yet, but she kept it easy and had simply said I could come over whenever I’ve had enough of my cheating boyfriend. The day would come soon, I knew that, but I strangely didn’t dread it so much anymore. It was a strange thing to describe, but the whole planning process gave me an almost thrilling feeling and though I still wasn’t happy about having to leave my home and the man belonging to it, it wasn’t as bad as it had been in the beginning. I could somehow see where my future would be going and that certainty gave me strength.
Kate had kept her word and so we had both been to the doctor’s and though the HIV test needed a couple more weeks until the results were ready, I was clean from any other STDs. This knowledge relieved me from a great burden that had weighted on my shoulders and even lifted my spirit a little. 
That spirit darkened however the moment I was left alone with Harry for too long. Though I hadn’t seen much of Harry in the past days. I didn’t know where he went as he didn’t bother to tell me and I didn’t want to ask either. Never would he actually own up to where he was, but even if he did, I couldn’t bear the thought of hearing her name falling from his lips, along with some useless explanation.

Speaking of the devil, I heard the front door fall shut and a pair of feet walking noisily down the hall. I quietly shut the bedroom door and hurried to hide the few bags I had already packed by pushing them under the bed. I hadn’t stuffed them with anything he would have noticed gone. They were mostly filled with female products, a couple of shirts and some books, little things I could carry myself and didn’t need the moving company for.
Just as I was rising to my feet again, the bedroom door opened and Harry stepped inside. My heart beat so hard and fast I believed he must hear it, too and I clenched my hands, hoping he wouldn’t notice the letters addressed to me laying on our bed. Though I had somehow come to terms with my situation, seeing him was difficult. He still looked so much like my Harry. The one I had loved and cherished for two years, the person I’d given anything to and whom I believed I would spend all of my life with. His angel like face still looked the same, aside from the softness it had lost over the past months. The green of his eyes still shone with warmth despite their cold color and I had to remind myself to not look at them for too long, or else I might imagine finding love in them.

“What are you doing?”

His voice was rough and came to me as a surprise. After not having him heard say more than one word for several days, it almost felt foreign to hear him speak.

“I was just tiding up a bit,” I lied.

He gave a slow nod as reply and I bit my lip, unsure of what to do or say next. My eyes met his and for a moment I believed to see the same uncertainty in them as I knew mine held. When had we become such strangers?

There had been a time in which Harry and I had been inseparable. No matter where we’d gone, he would have always been touching me somehow. We’d walked with interlocked hands, stood with our arms wrapped around each other, his around my shoulders and mine around his waist and we sat with either his hand on my knee if we were in public or my feet in his lap when we were at home. When things got heated between us, which they had often, I would somehow end up sitting in his lap, grinding my hips to his whilst kissing down his neck and afterwards, when we’d lay in bed, he’d have his head on my chest and our legs tangled together.
If someone would have asked me back then if I believed we’d ever end up where we were now, my answer would have been a strong and certain no. Not ever. Us falling out of  love seemed as unlikely as snow in August.

“Alright,” he mumbled and then leaned down to have a closer look at the letters on our sheets.

My heart stopped when he picked up the envelopes.

“What’s this?” he asked, a frown appearing on his forehead.

I went cold when I recognized the envelope as the one holding the handwritten letter inviting me to look at an apartment east from here.

“Nothing,” I spoke quickly, but calm enough not to alarm him, “just an invitation.”

For a moment I believed to have my Harry back, because suddenly I could see something in his head clicking, as if he, in that moment, knew that I was hiding something from him. A flash of realization crossed his face and my mind rushed to make up a story, but before I could even begin to explain myself, the spark in his eyes was gone. His indifference towards anything considering me was back and he let the letter fall onto the mattress with a court nod.

“Okay, well,” he began and cleared his throat, “I’ll be out.”

….

The house was quiet when Harry entered it, finding the hallway deserted. Though a lot had changed for him in the past months, coming home meant looking for me. Even now, considering everything, the habit had stayed and so he timidly turned to enter the living room. There I was, laying on the couch, feigning to be asleep so I could avoid him. I briefly wondered when I had begun to follow the noise of his feet wherever he went. When had this become the only way for me to know where he was or what he was doing?
My act was broken when his fingers stroking my left cheek ripped me from my thoughts. He stared at me with surprise when my eyes shot open and for a moment we both seemed to be holding our breaths.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke hastily.

For what, I wondered, waking me from my pretended sleep or for ruining everything we’d had for someone else?

His forehead was pulled into a frown. “I didn’t intend to wake you up.”

“It’s alright, Harry.”

He gave a short nod. With him crouched by my side I could clearly see every detail of his beautiful and kind face, the evident jaw and the clear sparkle in his deep green eyes. All of a sudden the urge became too much and I reached out my hand, trailing the tips of my fingers along the skin of his soft cheek. My heart stopped beating when I felt the faint movement of him leaning into my touch. All breath left my lungs when his own hands lifted, one settling on the curve of my waist as the other clasped my wrist, keeping my hand on his face.
I stared at him with wide eyes. He seemed just as surprised at the affection we were showing each other, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, his face slowly leaned in, coming closer and closer until the tip of his nose gently nudged mine. I held my breath. A mixture of fear, excitement and sadness settled at the pit of my stomach. My heart picked up on speed and beat so fast as if it was trying to flatter away.
Though I hadn’t felt the touch of his lips in a very long time, there was nothing unfamiliar to his kiss. When he leaned in further and began to really move his lips, I wasn’t at all surprised that my own knew exactly how to fit to them. Warm hands wandered to my jaw, trailed down to my breasts where they stroked the skin for a moment before lowering further to my hips. Crawling into a sitting position without breaking the contact wasn’t easy, but I somehow managed and before I knew it my knees where on either side of his narrow waist and we were kissing while he hoisted me up and swiftly carried me to where our bedroom was.
We hadn’t laid on this bed together in a long time, I realized when he lowered me onto the mattress, but I pushed the thought away once his body came back into view. Harry’s eyes found mine and I could see uncertainty in them. Suddenly his touches didn’t feel as sure anymore and he hesitated before climbing to kneel over me. Though there was still lust evident in his orbs, I could also recognize a hint of sorrow and regret in them. He was breathing hard and the light hold he still had on my hips tightened, as if he worried I would disappear. Still wanting to ease his pain whenever he felt it, I reached out and gently brought his face down to mine, where I leaned up to press little kisses to his forehead, his temple and lastly his right cheek.

I knew it wasn’t right. Him and I shouldn’t be looking at each other like this anymore. We shouldn’t be touching each other’s skin like we loved one another and wanted to care for the other’s wellbeing. Harry’s mouth wasn’t supposed to settle onto my neck while his fingers freed me from all my clothing as my own hands did the same to him and the little moan escaping me when he pressed his naked frame to mine should not have left my mouth. And still it happened, with no no awkwardness between us. It wasn’t difficult to open my legs for him like I had done so many times before. Holding onto him felt like finding the home I had lost and feeling the warmth of his breath fan over my face as we kissed, somehow settled my nerves.

“Y/N,” he mumbled, his voice sounding rough and quiet next to my ear.

I could hear the question in his tone, asking for permission to continue.

“Condom,” I replied, my thoughts rushing back to the discussion I had had with Kate.

There was still a risk if we’d have unprotected sex now, a risk I didn’t want to take. A frown formed on Harry’s lovely face as he raised his head so he could look at me. I knew it felt better with no condom on, for the both of us. But I wouldn’t give in.

“I forgot to take my pill,” I lied.

He didn’t look as if he believed it and once again I swore to see a flash of realization cross his features. But he didn’t say anything, and instead silently moved to reach his black jeans. I didn’t ask when I saw him pull out a condom form the back pocket and instead tried really hard not to think about the woman he had bought the condom for, as he hadn’t used any with me for a year.
His tattooed chest moved rapidly and I noticed his fingers shake a little as I watched him put the latex on. His green eyes found mine before he slowly began to lean back down and over me again. The green of his eyes locked with mine as he came impossibly close. Our mouths met in a heavy kiss which said so much more than any of the words we had exchanged in the past few weeks. A kiss I broke off when a gasp fell from my mouth, a reaction to Harry bringing his hips forward and connection us in the most intimate way.

My heart burst and my tummy tingled. Harry’s hands touched me with such a gentle care it made me cry. He didn’t notice the silent tears running down my cheeks, too caught up in his own pleasure, though I could tell he was different than normally.
Sex with him had always been a big deal and meant a lot to the both of us. Sure, we’d had our fair share of short and rushed fucks in situations where we just couldn’t wait, but most of the time, it was about experiencing the open vulnerability and the other’s trust.
But tonight, it appeared to hold even more meaning to him. His movements, though firm and deliberate, weren’t harsh. He didn’t want to force me to an orgasm, but rather tried to gently coax it out of me. My lips were swollen from the kisses he left on them every now and again and I gently pressed them to the skin of his neck, sucking on it, leaving a final mark.

It felt good, even when it wasn’t supposed to. And when I came I cried even more, knowing that this would be the last time I’d feel Harry this close to me. Never would we be as connected to each other again. His moan followed suit and his body tensed above mine as he released. Our breathing continued to puff out rapidly and I whimpered when Harry pulled out, only quieting down when he came back to wrap himself around me.
That was it what broke my heart. His head still fit so perfectly into the crook of my neck and our legs tangled together so naturally. The soft snores leaving his mouth calmed my breathing and though I still cried, in that moment I was happy. Tonight, he allowed me to relive some of the hours we had spent together, hours I cherished and missed so badly. He’d allow us those few moments of loving each other goodbye.

I kissed his sleeping face and pulled up the sheets around us, before I secured my arms around his naked torso.

“I love you so much,” I told him in a whisper, “And I’m sorry you had to do this to me.”

A sob wrecked through my chest and I wound a hand into his soft hair, hoping he wouldn’t wake up. I needed him to let me absorb him some more, so I would have this moment as a clear memory.

“I wish you hadn’t found someone better, Harry. Someone else to take my place,” I cried and cursed silently when I was hit by another wave of tears.

“And above all I wish I wouldn’t have to leave you, my love,” I whispered.

My blurry vision settled onto his sleeping face and my heart ached at the knowledge that I would miss him so much more than I was ready for.

“But I do.”

I kissed his head one last time before closing my eyes. Harry hadn’t heard one word and though we both knew the end was coming, we spent that last night together in each other’s arms. Me crying softly as I caressed his hair, oblivious to him being tormented by nightmares.

Hope you enjoyed it and that it didn’t upset you too much. I’m super against forgiving a cheater so that’s why I chose this ending. 
It’s a subject I’m interested in so I’ll probably write something similar in the future. 
Request and feedback are both welcome! Also, please let me know what you think about me making the one shot’s a little longer. 

Part 2 is called “He’s with Me” , Part 3 is called “How could I be sure” and both can be found on my blog! :) 

Yesterday on...

Plotdale - 12th April 2017

[Running in the Village with Robert and Aaron who look unfairly adorable in their running gear *Fan Baiting Alert*]
AARON: Why don’t you just go home Robert? You’re clearly not fit enough to keep up with me. (DANNY: Plus, Ryan, I know your knee is still bothering you and I can’t watch you limp anymore, bro)
ROBERT: No Aaron, you’re my number one priority, so I must be seen doing these kinds of activities with you. If you’re going to be doing an activity that you’ve previously used as a method of self harming I have to appear willing to go with you to keep an eye on you. Plus, I need a reason to be outside right now. (RYAN: It’s getting better, honest. Nice that they keep giving me all these scenes where I have to walk and run though. But hey, at least the plot says I get to stop for now)
*Two lines of cute banter* - for the fans
ROBERT: Go on Aaron, I have a plot cramp. I’ll catch you up.
AARON: Doubt it.

[In the Village with Robert and Rebecca. Swing set clearly shown as Robert walks by…as if the audience needed a reminder]
ROBERT: Have you done the thing I’m forcing you to do yet? I have my evil reputation to keep up.
REBECCA: Later today, as you asked. I am deeply conflicted about this. Doesn’t it show?
ROBERT: What time is it exactly? I need to know so I can stalk you later and make sure you really did the thing.
REBECCA: *Shows appointment on phone* There you go. Happy stalking! Oh and just to give you another opportunity to sound like a jerk, happy now?
ROBERT: I will be when it’s done. (Thanks, I needed that. I wasn’t sure my jerkish side was properly showing in this scene yet)

Keep reading

Heartbreaker Part 2

Originally posted by sexycliffconda

Part 1

Love me like you did, love me like you did/I’ll give you anything, I’ll give you anything

(Outer Space-5sos)

     The fans were currently split. They either hated or loved the boys at the moment. A video of Ashton announcing that your relationship was all based on a bet had gone viral. Not only had Ashton’s worse nightmare had come true, but he could only imagine what you were going through. The two of you had been apart for a month now. It was one month too long for Ashton’s liking. Sure he had toured and been away from you long enough before, but this time was different. The two of you weren’t even together and Ashton wasn’t sure if you two were still friends. His reputation of being a gentleman was tarnished. 

Ashton let out a huff and kept his eyes locked on the phone he was twirling around. He wanted to respect your wishes and not contact you, but he couldn’t keep to his word. There was so much Ashton still wanted to say, but he knew you weren’t going to listen. You had made it clear to him that the relationship you two had was still hanging in the air. You had told Ashton you wanted to think about everything and it scared him to death. The anticipation was too much and it took him three seconds to get your contact up and hit the call button. It was like his senses went on high as the phone rang. On the first ring he could hear his heart pounding loud in his chest. On the second ring his breath hitched in his throat as he thought of you not picking up. This was taking too long and Ashton was ready to hang up, but then the call picked up. “Hello?” a voice said. It was a deep voice, one that clearly didn’t belong to you. The voice made his blood run cold and he momentarily forgot what he wanted to say. “Hello?” the guy asked again.

“I-Is Y/N there?” Ashton hesitantly asked, “Maybe I dialed the wrong number.”

“No this is her phone. Can you hang on a second?” the guy said. Ashton didn’t have a chance to reply. He only heard the stranger call for you and soon heard your voice in the background. It was only seconds later that your voice filled the line and Ashton’s heart swelled with love. “Y/N here!” you cheerfully said into the phone, not really being told who was on the other line.

“I miss you,” Ashton blurted, he physically winced as the words left his lips. That wasn’t how he wanted to start the conversation. Hearing another man’s voice wasn’t what he was expecting either. The smile on your face faded at the sound of his voice. You had been doing alright without him being in your life for the month. Trying hard to get over the event that took place. “Who was the guy that picked up the phone?” Ashton found himself asking. You swallowed hard at his words, glancing to your guest and giving him a smile.

“Don’t do that” you mumbled, ignoring his question.

“Do what?” Ashton innocently replied, running a hand through his hair. He knew you were avoiding his question and couldn’t help but to be jealous. It was hard for him not to be jealous. You two broke up and just a month away from each other it already seemed like you had moved on. How could he blame you though? Ashton had screwed you over in more ways than one. 

“Don’t say that you miss me,” you sighed into the phone. “Don’t act like you care about how I’m doing or who I’m with bec-”

“So you are with him?” Ashton cut you off. Ashton’s mouth felt dry and the thought of this stranger touching you the way he used to do flashed through his mind.

“That’s none of your business,” you replied. Ashton was making this harder than it needed to be. Whether you were dating someone or not had nothing to do with him. It was his fault the two of you weren’t together. The line went quiet for about a good two minutes and you could hear Ashton sniffle. Your eyes closed in frustration and you took a sharp inhale of breath. You mentally fought with yourself on the next words that were about to leave your mouth. “Do you want to meet up and talk?”

     It was like the weather was reflecting both your moods. The rain pouring down hard and whipping about as the wind began to blow even more. The minute you pulled up to the park you saw Ashton sitting on one of the benches. He was soaked in water. Not even wearing a jacket nor having an umbrella with him. You drove up close to where he was sitting, rolling the window down so you could talk to him. “Are you crazy! Get in the car!” you shouted out to him. Ashton’s head shot up at your words and he hesitated for a moment before running towards the passenger side door. The atmosphere in the car got thick. Ashton shutting the door behind him and trying to warm up as you turned on the heater. 

“Raining cats and dogs out there,” he chuckled, trying to break the tension. You stared out ahead, lips pursed as you tried to collect your thoughts. They were racing all over the place and the fact that Ashton was close to you once more made it even worse. “Could you imagine it actually raining cats and dogs? That’d be really weird…and dangerous,” Ashton continued saying. You knew what he was doing.

“Why did you do it?” you asked, eyes still locked on the rain rolling down the window. Ashton became quiet, trying to wipe the water from off his face as he thought of what to say. “Like why did you really take this bet, Ashton? Was it just to get in my pants? Were you just bored?” It was word vomit and you somehow couldn’t stop yourself from throwing so many questions at him. “Why me? Why did the guys choose me for this bet?” You sucked in a deep breath, mouth clamping shut as you realized Ashton hadn’t been able to answer your questions. 

“You know I’ve asked myself why I did what I did a lot,” Ashton began, “I love you both as a best friend and boyfriend. I always had felt something for you, Y/N.” Ashton paused, trying to figure out a way to word everything right. “You know how long I’ve buried my feelings for you? I was scared that loving you the way that I did, as more than friends, would change our dynamic,” he said. Taking on the bet had changed your dynamic with each other. You jumped in your spot as his hand touched yours. Ashton smiled at the fact that you didn’t pull away. You knew what he meant. “I don’t know I guess when the bet was brought up it was more so a push for me to ask you out,” he finished. 

“Either way our whole relationship was based off a bet,” you whispered. Hand finally pulling away from his. “You say that you love me yet you still break my heart.”

“I wish I could go back and do everything differently believe me, but what happened has passed…you hate, the fans hate me, I hate me,” Ashton said. You both became quiet after that. The only sound present in the car was the rain hitting against the roof. You finally looked over to him. Studying the face you had been looking at for so long. Even though he was drenched in water you could still tell Ashton was crying. You weren’t going to console him because Ashton deserved everything that was being thrown at him. 

“I don’t hate you,” you told him, putting emphasis on the word. Ashton smiled at your words. “More so disappointed…I forgave you a while ago, but I’m still hurt.” You still loved Ashton. How could you not love him? Ashton had been your everything and now you weren’t even sure what the two of you were. You chewed on your bottom lip, head falling back against the headrest in frustration. All you wanted was for all of this to disappear. You wanted Ashton to not have taken that bet and have asked you out in confidence. All of this could have been avoided. Your phone began to ring making your attention turn away from Ashton. “It’s Leo,” you sighed, catching Ashton’s attention in the process. The thought of your guest had slipped your mind. You were suppose to only be gone for fifteen minutes, but that had turned to an hour. Before you could react Ashton had picked up your phone and answered it.