i cry at the last two songs every time

The "Right" Way

Authors Notes:
Notes:
-Asdfghjkl- is the Squip talking to Jeremy
~Asdfghjkl~ is singing ((The tune would be that of the Be More Chill songs: the Squip’s solo and the background chorus))

~~~~~~~~

Jeremy stands just outside Jake’s house, a look of pure determination on his face. He’s figured out a system that -almost- works every time. He thinks he just needs to iron out the last few bugs and pray that God is on his side.

…I thought that LAST time. And the time before that. And the time before that. Now he’s just standing there like a pitiful, lost child.


What he doesn’t realize is his LITERALLY fatal mistake. His very first step. Avoiding the confrontation with… him. I tried to get him to do it the right way the first few times, but he lost all faith in me when I blocked the loser in. Apparently he doesn’t know the term “self-preservation.” I’ll have to fix that.


The last time he fought with Michael, he didn’t rejoin the party. He sat by the door in silence, listening to Michael’s pathetic breakdown. That’s when he decided to try to stop that from happening. On the next loop, he went in, became intoxicated so I wouldn’t interfere (I was getting bored of trying to improve him anyway), and did things differently. Not like it helped; people still keep dying. Michael, Chloe, Brooke, Christine, Jake, Rich, Jenna, even himself a few times. Almost. He rewinds just before he dies. Let’s just hope nothing happens that stops his heart before he even gets the chance to think.


Anyway, I’m bored with just sitting on the sidelines. But moreso I’m bored of living this stupid night over and over again inside his head because he’s too weak to accept death. But if I try to do anything, he’ll just get drunk.

…Looks like it’s time for Plan B.


-Jeremy.-

“What do you want? I thought you were leaving me alone.”

-There’s a right way to do this, to end this night.-

“Oh yeah? What’s that? Locking Michael in the bathroom again?! No way. I swear to God if you try ANYTHING–”

-I won’t. Trust me I want to be finished here just as much as you do. So I’m going to give you my advice. I AM your Squip, after all. It’s my job.-

“…So what’s your advice?”

If I say something extreme first, he will be more likely to listen to the second suggestion.

-Maybe someone NEEDS to die.-

“WHAT?! You’re CRAZY!!”

-No, think about it. It’s a house fire; there are bound to be casualties.-

“Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense… But plenty of people I don’t know die, so…that CAN’T be it!”

-Maybe someone you DO know is just fated to die.-

“‘Fated…to die…?’ But who…? N-no, no! I can’t think this way! I’m not gonna let ANY of my friends die!”

-Maybe you keep failing because you spread yourself too thin. Maybe you should just learn to be okay with failure and death. It seems to be following you anyway.-

“No…that can’t be it… Who could be “fated to die”…?

-I guess you’ll have to find that out for yourself. But that’s not all.-

“Oh, GREAT.”

-Don’t worry, it’s easier than playing God and deciding who should die. But it’s just as important, I assure you.-

“O…kay…?”

-You need to stop avoiding the confrontation with Michael.-

“Wh…No! You heard just how upset he gets… I can’t put him through that again…”

-Do you want to watch him die forever?-

“N..no… Of course not… I can’t take that…..”

-Then LISTEN to me. And obey. Or we’ll NEVER get through this.-

-Jeremy, I know what’s best for you. Even if you can’t see it sometimes. ~Everything about you is going to be wonderful.~-

“~But I don’t care so much about me…~”

-~Everything about you is going to be so alive!~-

“~But I can’t even save my friends’ lives…~”

-~Jeeeeeeeremyyyyyy, you can’t try to beeeee the hero you wanna beeeeeeeeee…~ So be more chill.-

“…Be more…chill.”

-That’s right. Now let’s get in there.-


Because of the little pep talk, we end up arriving later than usual. Brooke sees us walk in from across the room and eagerly rushes over to meet us like the dog she’s dressed as.


“Jeremy!” she waves and squirms through the crowd, “I was afraid you weren’t coming; did you get my messages??”

That’s new.

-Play it off.-

“Am I late? Didn’t even realize.” Good. He’s listening to me again. Wait… He’s listening to me again? This doesn’t make… Running neurotypical scan… Showing signs of despondence, hopelessness, and despair. Analyzing probable causes… Ah, of course. The last reset. When Michael went blind. That was the closest he’s ever gotten. And he went and kissed the boy, too. They made it over that pit against all odds, but… It wasn’t enough. They took too long, and the entrance became blocked entirely. No one could get out. He watched as all of his friends choked to death, one by one. He held Michael’s face as he desperately tried to keep him from giving up. He called his name until his very last breath–in that timeline, anyway.


That must be what’s broken him. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s falling back on me again. This…this is perfect. If he lets me guide him through the party, we may actually be able to make it.

~~~~~~~

Things are going well. Jeremy is doing everything I tell him to. Out of nowhere, he just decides to break off from the group and head to the bathroom.


“This doesn’t feel right. Just…acting like nothing bad is about to happen…”

-It will pass. Eventually, it will pass.-

“How do you–Gwah!”

Jeremy is pulled into the bathroom by Michael. He tries to convince Jeremy that I’m going to ruin his life. Which is ridiculous. My job is to improve his life, not ruin it. By any means necessary.

-You can’t listen to him, Jeremy. I’m the only one who can get us out of this. You’ve tried everything. Give up and let me save us.-

Jeremy stares at the floor, his face as clouded as his vision.

“Get out of my way. You loser…”

After a moment of realization, registering that his “best friend” is mine now, Michael steps to the side. I always feel satisfied when we sever the last link to Jeremy 1.0. I have to take control just to stop Jeremy’s tears from falling and walk us out. I don’t let him stay anywhere near that bathroom.


The rest of the party, he just hangs on the sidelines. Too mentally strained to even try to enjoy himself. It’s not ideal, but I can’t push him too much, or he’ll stop listening to me again. I’ve finally regained his trust; I can’t lose it again. Jeremy watches that Rich kid from across the room. He’s fidgeting on the couch, scratching his head often and muttering to himself. Several people have jokingly asked what was wrong with him, but he dismissed them rather violently. Now he’s pacing around the living room, visibly shaking.


“I still haven’t figured out why he acts like that… I should go ask.”

-If you want to.-


He makes his way to Rich, coming up behind him, and taps his shoulder. Rich nearly jumps out of his skin at the touch. He rounds on Jeremy, grabbing him by the shoulders. Upon closer inspection, his face is pale and panicked, eyes bloodshot and baggy, hair unkempt and shaggy. You’d think he was drinking or smoking, but he hardly smells of alcohol or pot. So what could…?


“I NEED MOUNTAIN DEW REEEEED!!!!!” Rich yells, shaking.


Shit. He’s figured it out. How could his Squip be so idiotic? Sigh… Fine. Looks like he needs to be the one to go. Jeremy tries to soothe him, but there’s no point. He’s lost it.


-Give it up, Jeremy. He’ll be fine.-


Jeremy stops, watching him run around now, out of control. Not long after he flees to the kitchen, screams erupt from within and teens frantically flood from the fire.


-It’s time to go.-

“But Rich is still in there! And I can’t leave Michael behind..!”

-Michael will be fine. He already left.-

“He…he did?”

-Optic nerve blocking.-

“…Right…. But still, what about Rich?!”

-Leave him.-

“Huh…?”

-Hurry up and get out of here or I’ll do it for you.-


As Jeremy stares awestruck, eyes fixed on the growing flames, Jenna and Christine pass him; Christine stops for a moment to grab him by the arm, “What are you waiting for, Jeremy?! Come on!!” She drags him out, abandoning the other Squipped teen.


By the time Jeremy regains his senses, he scans the crowd. Christine and Jenna are safe, obviously, Chloe has buried herself under his arm, Brooke is sitting by the road, crying, and Jake has his hands to the sides of his head, trying to figure out how the hell he would explain this to his parents. The only one missing is–


“Michael… Where’s Michael?!”

-Jeremy, he’s–

“No!! I won’t risk it!”

He’s going to jump again!

-We finally made it out of there! You’re going to throw that away?! You don’t know that he’s still in there!-

“But I don’t know that he’s not!”

I need to say something and quick. Time jumping is the only thing I can’t stop him from doing!

-Jeremy STOP!! Or you’ll NEVER break free of this.-

He stops. Thank God.

“…You’re sure he’s alive?”

If it’ll get him to not reset, -Yes.-

“…I can’t risk it.”

-JEREMY–


KRRRRT*,,×,WNwWKO $÷×NENWO [JWN [¥~,WKWL)EMW##@!![,×NAKAO (!(!(JU (KANW÷÷××??+,(€£¥`◇\~¡¿¿¿¿,!+`!,NAAAa (+(+(+÷÷#-,;^

,,,EEEE-EEEEE-EEEEEEEE?((+[&&;!


……


Ahem.


Sigh.

Here we go again.



((OH

OH OH OH HOH OHHGH FDKNG OH MY GOD!!!! THAT WAS SO GOOD I’M SC REAMIN I HAVE NO WORDS!!!

For a minute I thought this was the “final” timeline, the one where they actually all make it–and I thought what a fantastic idea it would be if the final timeline is what actually happened in the show! So all of the previous timeloops lead up to everything in the actual musical, that’s genius!!

But aaa wreck my hEART AGA IN JESUS, I’m so glad Jer’s so concerned for Michael even though there’s a chance he made it out~~~ And reading everything from the Squip’s POV was so interesting! Especially for this AU, seeing things from his perspective is so neat! I loved it <33333

AND HOLY SHIT I LOVE HOW YOU PUT IN SOME OF THE SONG LYRICS? When I read those I started to sing along and gosh. I am dECEA SE D

AND I ALSO LOVE HOW YOU MENTIONED MY FIC WHEN MICHAEL GOES BLIND I JKNSJKNFKGJ THANK YOU??? THAT MADE THE WHOLE THING EVEN BETTER THAN IT ALREADY WAS

I am shook by how amazing this is, I think I need a minute to sit down and breathe omfg

TY for this amazing fic, I have been blessed by the gODS, my plants are thriving, my skin is clear, I have ASCENDED TO THE ASTRAL PLANE))

This is the one song everyone
would like to learn: the song
that is irresistible:

the song that forces men
to leap overboard in squadrons
even though they see the beached skulls

the song nobody knows
because anyone who has heard it
is dead, and the others can’t remember.

Shall I tell you the secret
and if I do, will you get me
out of this bird suit?

I don’t enjoy it here
squatting on this island
looking picturesque and mythical

with these two feathery maniacs,
I don’t enjoy singing
this trio, fatal and valuable.
 
I will tell the secret to you,
to you, only to you.
Come closer. This song
 
is a cry for help: Help me!
Only you, only you can,
you are unique
 
at last. Alas
it is a boring song
but it works every time.
—  Margaret Atwood, “Siren Song”

Tagged by @spaced-queen

A - age: 26
B - biggest fear: Clowns / Loved ones getting tortured
C - current time: 923pm
D - drink you last had: Modelo
E - every day starts with: Wake & Bake
F - fav song: Anything by Dido
G - ghost, are they real?: Sure
H - hometown: San Jose, Ca
I - in love with: @momodgaf & @royallyoily
J - Jealous of: Both of them for having adamantium lungs, as Momo would put it
K - killed someone: Why would I tell you
L - last time you cried: I cry all the fucking time from reading political posts to videos of helpful dogs or just from the happiness of watching my daughter just living her little life
M- middle name: Irie
N- number of siblings: Two brothers. Niko is 12 & Gio is 19. They aren’t related.
O- one wish: World peace
P- person you last called/texted: No
Q- question you’re always asked: Who did your nails 😛
R- reason to smile: My daughter!!!
S- song last sang: On & On
T- time you woke up: idk 7am ish
U- underwear color: Tf
V- vacation destination: Going to Oregon in July 😁
W-worst habit: Not giving a fuck
X - x-rays you’ve had: Lungs/Back
Y - your fav foods: supreme pizza & hot wings
Z - zodiac sign: Savittarius
Your birthday: 112790
Todays date: 052017

Tagging @veraisastoner @coffeepotsmokin @doobiedrewbie 💕

ABC Tag 🖤

Tagged by @lady-asuka

A - age: 24
B - biggest fear: not knowing how I’ll die.
C - current time: 10
D - drink you had last: water
E - every day starts with: checking tumblr and Facebook.
F - favorite song: The Space Between Two Worlds-Nujabes
G - ghosts, are they real: Hell to the Yes!
H - hometown: Home of the arch
I - in love with: in real -> myself ; fictional -> several men’s
J - jealous of: hmm well I think this should be envious more than jealous, either one , no one or nothing.
K - killed someone: Perhaps…. lol nahhh
L - last time you cried: Maybe a few months ago. I woke up crying, I can’t memeber why
M - middle name: starts with a J and that’s all your getting from me!
N - number of siblings: 2
O - one wish: That my friends and family find true happiness.
P - person you last called/texted: group chat (it’s lit!!)
Q - question you’re always asked: “Why are you so loud?”
S - song last sang: Chris Brown-Privacy
T - time you woke up: 7:00Am
U - underwear color: blue & black
V - vacation destination: Romania
W - worst habit: I expect too much from people
X - x-rays: huh?
Y - your favorite food: Honey buns
Z - zodiac sign: Cancer

Tagging: @warnjai-17, @joker-tracey @chocobro-daydreams

"Is There Somewhere" by Halsey

A/n: I LOVE this song omg so I was really excited when i got this request! It’s my first song request so idk how it is but tell me what y'all think please! :)

Warning: Mild smut??

Pairing: Luke + Y/N


You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room, flashing those eyes like highway signs.
Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder.
I just wanna feel your lips against my skin.

You didn’t know what to call your relationship with Luke. Toxic? Destructive? Ethereal? Perfect? No word seemed to sum up what you had developed over the past few months with Luke. He would tell you that you were the only one he wanted to be with. But then, then you would see pictures of him with another girl on his arm, almost every other night. So what was he really thinking?

But you didn’t care. You know why? Because you were falling for him. Plain and simple.

Memories of the two of you flashed your mind as you were pressed up against his side in bed, legs tangled with one another, his arm slung around your waist with his shallow breathing resonating in the night.

That time you decided to play your playlist in his hotel room and dance around in what he called your ‘awfully too colourful tube socks’, in nothing but one of his flannels. Or the time both of you went cake testing just for the hell of it, icing being smushed onto each other’s faces, laughter bringing a smile to the elderly couple next to you.

People could have mistaken you guys as a couple. But he never put a label. Never denied the rumours either that you were his girlfriend though. Conflicting right?


White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the night life.
You told me this is right where it begins.
But your lips hang heavy underneath me.
And I promised myself I wouldn’t let you complete me.

“What are we doing?” You panted, hands tangled in his blonde locks as he worked to make you melt in his arms by attacking his lips, tongue, and teeth all over your neck and into the valley of your breasts.

“Hmm.” He hummed in response, oblivious to the seriousness behind your tone. “Luke.” You pushed him away from you, still close enough to you as you ran your hands down his chest and to his abs.

He finally looked up at you, a smirk on his face. “This is right where it begins baby.” He murmured as he placed his soft lips on yours, much less animalistic than a minute ago.

He led you to the China doll white sheets of his bed and hovered above you, your legs embracing his torso as he sucked on your neck, a soft moan being let out by you. You writhed underneath him, wanting nothing more than to feel every inch of him that you could. You couldn’t resist him and that was the scary part. You flipped him over as he grinned at you, clearly liking the dominance you possessed. His lips were heavy underneath you as you unclasped your bra, leaning back down to slip your tongue in his mouth, savouring his taste, feeling the bliss of his lip ring teasing you.

And you knew that right there, after the countless promises you made in your head about not falling, not opening your heart up, not breaking down the walls you’ve spent years to create, he completed you. Unrequited love was the absolute worst.


I’m trying not to let it show, that I don’t want to let this go.
Is there somewhere you can meet me?
Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings.
And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing.

You watched as he packed his suitcase in front you, carelessly throwing his wardrobe about, finally glancing back at you. You stood there, leaning against his dresser as you observed the mess he was stewing into his suitcase, a sour look on your face as you processed the words he said to you moments before.

“So you’re just leaving?” You asked, trying not to make it so obvious that you cared. “Babe.” He walked towards, putting his arms around your waist. “Don’t worry okay? I’ll be back. Not like we haven’t spent literally everyday of the past 2 weeks together.” He muttered, walking back to his suitcase as you stood there, mouth slightly open at his blatant comment.

“Tell me what you really think Luke.” You said, annoyed at his attitude. What happened to it just being you and him? The promising words he whispered to you at night, the soothing caresses, the hot trail of kisses he traced onto your body, the grinding and massaging and gripping of each other was embedded into your mind.

All the times he’s told you he wanted to be with you, his lips tempting you to stay the night, his words convincing you he may feel the exact same way you do, was it all just a lie?

He rolled his eyes at you, clearly done with the conversation. You internally groaned, he never talked about what he was feeling. Especially when it came to you.

It made it that much harder to articulate whether or not he felt more than what he was leading on.


You’re writing lines about me; romantic poetry.
Your girl’s got red in her cheeks, cause we’re something she can’t see.
And I try to refrain but you’re stuck in my brain.
And all I do is cry and complain because second’s not the same.

There wasn’t a day that went by without you not thinking about Luke. Every time you tried to make the thoughts disappear, they remained cemented in your brain, and all you could do was let them consume you. You were in a state of euphoria. You didn’t want him to leave your head because that was the only place where you could be with him.

You heard the songs he’s been singing on tour. They sounded oddly familiar to what you two have been through for the last 5 months. Was he writing lines about you? It sounded like divine poetry to your ears though. The simplest lyrics could hold the deepest meanings.

But were they about you? Or that girl you saw in pictures leave his hotel room?

After multiple “reassurances” that you were the only one he wanted, you weren’t quite sure if you believed him.

“Is that what you say to them as well?” You scoffed, practically seeing the roll of his eyes even through the phone.

“Baby I’ll be home soon and I can make you forget about all this okay? Trust me.”

And you did. You trusted him. But love can be ever so blinding and with the various talks from your family and friends that he wasn’t the one for you, you didn’t know what to think anymore.


I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight.
I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight.
You’re looking like you fell in love tonight.
Could we pretend that we’re in love?

He came back. He was drunk. Raw, sexual desire was in his eyes as you let him take you, craving the impassioned touches and the fervent lips colliding, hands sensually traveling down each other’s bodies. He was impatient, obsessing over your every move as you pulled him to your bedroom. It was maddening, watching him go home with other women on tour, smirk on his face as he leaned into their touch. Just like how he did with you.

You were lying in bed, nothing but the bright lights of the night shimmering through your room, illuminating his face in the most enchanting way. You longed for him all those months he was away, infatuated by him. But you knew deep down inside it was more than just a compulsive, mesmeric urge to be with him.

It was love.

But you knew, he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. If only you could pretend that you were both in love, utterly and completely in love. You didn’t mean for this to happen, but life always threw curve balls when you least expected them right?

So as you nuzzled your face in his neck, curling yourself into him as his breath fanned over your forehead, you couldn’t help but think about what it would be like if he actually called you his girlfriend. If he actually expressed to you what he was feeling. But you knew it would never happen.

“I’m sorry that I fell in love tonight.” You whispered, clutching onto him in the hopes that maybe, just maybe he would feel the same way.

This is the one song everyone
would like to learn: the song
that is irresistible:

the song that forces men
to leap overboard in squadrons
even though they see the beached skulls

the song nobody knows
because anyone who has heard it
is dead, and the others can’t remember.

Shall I tell you the secret
and if I do, will you get me
out of this bird suit?

I don’t enjoy it here
squatting on this island
looking picturesque and mythical

with these two feathery maniacs,
I don’t enjoy singing
this trio, fatal and valuable.

I will tell the secret to you,
to you, only to you.
Come closer. This song

is a cry for help: Help me!
Only you, only you can,
you are unique

at last. Alas
it is a boring song
but it works every time.

—  Margaret Atwood, Siren Song

Dear followers, I need your help with something! I don’t usually ask for much, so I would really appreciate it you could all help me out! My goal for this post is for yelyahwilliams to read this post. And I’ll tell you why.

I have been a huge fan of Paramore since before Riot! came out, which was in 2007. The moment I heard their music, I wanted to listen to it all. So I went to the local music store and bought all their albums up to date. I spent hours listening to their music, watching videos online and learning about the band. I thought Hayley was the most beautiful person on this planet - still do - and I begged my parents to let me dye my hair orange like hers was at the time. They said no, because I was like, 13 years old, but you can’t blame a girl for trying haha.

Three and a half years later, I was in a relationship that took a huge emotional toll on me. He played terrible, terrible mind games with me, and mentally abused me to the point where I had driven myself to get panic attacks and anxiety. Being so young, and so easily influenced by other people, I got forced to do several things I didn’t necessarily want to. I got into hard drugs and was self harming myself almost every day. I attempted to commit suicide over four times, and thought about it more times I could count on my hands and feet. The times I tried never worked out - thankfully - and the times I thought about it, there was something that stopped me from hurting myself. Eventually, sometime during my sophomore year, he broke up with me causing me to fall in a dark, downward spiral of depression at the age of 15/16 years old. I thought he and I were going to be together for the rest of my life, as silly as that sounds now, but I was so in love that I fell for anything.

Fast forward two more years later, I’m almost 19 years old and graduating high school. Things, for the most part, had gotten a little better. I still had anxiety and panic attacks, and I was still depressed from the relationship I had been in for two and a half years that ended so quickly out of no where. Although I was healthier and better off without him, I was still depressed to the point where half of the time I didn’t want to leave my house. Mind you, I still hadn’t seen Paramore live yet, so when my best friend Courtney messaged me saying that Paramore was touring with Fall Out Boy and were coming near us, we immediately bought tickets. I was still a huge fan of Paramore, but hadn’t had much time to listen to their new album Paramore, so when we went to the show in the summer, it was sort of a surprise to me. I sobbed the entire time she sang, just so in shock that I was actually seeing one of my biggest idols live, after waiting for that moment for almost seven years. 

Hayley gave a short speech during the middle of her setlist, talking about how the next song she was about to sing was slow and was about where her heart was. “It’s called Last Hope,” she said. “Sing along if you know the words.” I, unfortunately didn’t know the words, so as she sang I kept quiet. And I’m so fucking thankful that I was able to listen to the lyrics live for the first time, because I was so moved by each and every word in the song. It hit home, so hard, and I couldn’t help myself from crying even harder. My two best friends were standing beside me, and they noticed how emotional I was about the lyrics, they turned over to me, smiled and continued to give me a big hug. 

In that moment of hearing that song for the first time, I knew exactly what she was talking about and what she meant in the song, because I had been there a few years before. I had been in the exact same position she was singing about, and it meant so much to me that one of the people I look up to the most was singing about it. I didn’t know who I was, and I thought I would be happy during the time of my abusive relationship. I used to tell myself every single night, “tomorrow will be better” but in reality, nothing was different, I just fell back into the routine I was stuck in. It was so unhealthy, and I was so miserable, but every time I was about to give up, there was something in the back of my head telling me, “Jenna, you’re worth this, just keep trying.” So I did.

Last Hope has helped me so much since the first time I heard it live. It had such a positive message, that I had been hoping to hear from everyone for years. It helped me through the rest of the summer. It helped me through fall. It helped me through the winter so far. And for that, I want to personally thank Hayley Williams, and ask for a very huge favor from you.

Hayley, if for some reason you actually do end up reading this, first of all: hi I love you so much thank you haha, but what I was really hoping for is that if you could write out my first tattoo for me. At first I was originally going to get some of the lyrics tattooed on me in a regular font, but I felt like that wouldn’t have as much significance to it as it would be if you wrote it out personally. You have saved my life, and I want to be able to look at my tattoo every morning and remind myself that I’m here for a reason. And even though it may not be much, but there will always be a reason to keep me going.

So, to all my followers who have taken the time to read this. I need you to spread it like wildfire. Reblog it, send it to her, tell her about this post. Tweet a link to the post to her. Anything. I want Hayley to see this post and read it so she can see how much she’s positively impacted my life and how much it would mean to me if she wrote out my tattoo.

Here are all the ways you can get in touch with me if you ever end up seeing this,

Personal tumblr - tweenspirits
Multifandom tumblr - doncstor
Twitter - @awildjenngar
Email - awildjenngar@gmail.com

To anyone to reblogs this, thank you for helping me out. 
To anyone reading this who has gone through some of the same struggles as myself, it gets better. Just keep going.
And to Hayley Williams, thank you for saving my life.

It’s just a spark, but it’s enough to keep me going.
And when it’s dark out, no ones around, it keeps glowing.

With much love,
Jenna

anonymous asked:

do you have any songs to listen to while reading ereri smut owo

Ummm… I have songs that I listen to while writing smut ahahahah

Falling doesn’t happen softly, no matter how many times you catch the ground. The bruises will always match the punches thrown, but I’ll dig a home with my fingers if I could kiss your lungs again. I’d skip a beat just to hear yours, but good wasn’t meant for the living anyway. Tears make cuts cry, but pouring salt in my  wounds is the only way pain visits. Voices all sound the same at 2am when all I see is your face. If I took the robins song, could you song along? Melodies were meant for two and every note sounds empty without you. Goodnight kisses the mountains last, but no matter how many times I open the door its never you.  I’m sorry we drowned in December and bled out April. For the kisses that were never long enough. The hugs that didn’t heal. The minutes we watched tick into tomorrow. The silence we let grow into monsters we couldn’t tame and the anger we drank to. I write letters just to see how they feel. These eyes are two years past longing. Three wishes turned into a series of dots that end all sentences. The only thing time wants back is you.
—  Every goodbye tears off the bandaid// Maybe I’m forgetting how to heal.