i cry a lot over this

So this is what REAL fear feels like…

Welp…I never thought I’d say this but Anti has actually broken me. This - ALL of this - has been SO MUCH WORSE than the Antipocalypse! Why? I’ll tell you why!

In October, a lot of us were all over the place about whether or not Anti would show up. There were one or two asks for Jack that even questioned if he’d bring Anti back out for Halloween, and he kept his answer vague yet seemed to hint that there was a possibility Anti wasn’t going to show up. On the 29th and 30th he posted pictures of himself dressed all dapper, and immediately everyone thought we were getting a new ego or something. Come Halloween, we got a fantastic old silent movie-themed pumpkin carving video. But out of nowhere, who decided to show up? Anti! Even though we had been led to believe that he most likely wasn’t going to show up.

Now it’s December and there were videos like Heartbound and the DDLC videos that had us freaking out about Anti showing up for close to Christmas. However, Jack’s answer to both an ask and a question from a stream strongly suggested that Anti wasn’t going to show up again; he only brought Anti back for DDLC only and was going to wait a couple of months until the next big thing. A majority of us believed this, including me, and let our guard down. And while I do believe a good chunk of it was probably the truth, he never did say WHEN exactly the break from Anti would start. Just like with October, he TRICKED US. And he did it in the WORST way imaginable.

When he said there was going to be something “special” in between both streams, he wasn’t fucking kidding. We’ve watching security camera footage for HOURS. The goddamn thing is STILL going! I don’t know how long any of you guys stood up for or anything, but I stayed up for about 9 hours and 45 minutes straight, watching those damn cameras. I stayed up from 8:15 P.M. all the way until 6 in the fucking morning watching and waiting anxiously. And what’s worse? Even when I eventually did go to sleep, I COULDN’T. I got a total of 3 hours of sleep and you can bet your ass I was tossing and turning with paranoia.

This entire thing has REALLY driven us all insane! Given how the stream is LIVE, Anti is literally giving us no choice but to actually give him our undivided attention. We’re losing sleep and sanity because of him. We’re losing sleep and sanity FOR him. If this isn’t proof that we’re not in control and that we’re his braindead puppets, I don’t know what is.

And the worst thing out of all of this - for me, anyway? It’s not just how we were tricked - it’s not just how he’s proved how obsessed we are or how sleep deprived and insane we’re becoming. No….in my case, it’s that for the first time EVER, I am actually 100% AFRAID of Anti.

I mean, I’m not going to lie, August 3rd - the Kill Jack video - scared me. I was SO SHOOK after that video that to this day I can’t watch it without getting triggered. I wasn’t expecting a rage-consumed Anti, nor was I expecting him to call us out on the GB name or flat out threaten us. That being said, when I say it scared me, I don’t mean it ACTUALLY scared me. I know Anti’s not actually real, I know it’s just Jack pretending and just acting oit as the character. I can laugh off my fear afterwards and go “Oh my God, wow, that was amazing!” But last night….this whole fucking stream….this is SO much different. This time it’s actual FEAR I’m feeling.

I watch a bunch of horror movies and the ones that always - ALWAYS - get to me the worst are the found-footage ones, like Paranormal Activity. I believe in ghosts, I believe in that kind of shit that you can’t see, and I have a wild imagination. So when I watch those movies, I tend to get too absorbed into them and my brain tries to convince me I’m watching real paranormal footage, and I end uo getting so scared to the point it’s not fun. I can’t laugh my fear off and I end up being paranoid and on edge for quite a while. This is EXACTLY what happened with me last night.

I was doing alright for a majority of it. Sure, there were things here and there that were sudden or strange, but nothing too creepy to send me reeling. But I’d been watching for hours - at night, no less - and I swear my eyes were starting to play tricks on me. And then for about 3 hours straight, there was silence. I ended up relocating up to my room, got in bed, and my lights were off, while I continued to watch. It was around 4 A.M. at this point and I was starting to drift asleep when the sound of static jolted me awake. I scanned through the cameras with wide eyes and what did I see? The damn emergency exit glitch to show someone crawling up the fucking dark stairwell. And in that moment, I felt fear and I mean TRUE fear. I HATE shit like that - human-like beings crawling or walking up and down stairs or hallways in unnatural creepy ways scare me in the worst ways possible (it’s why The Grudge scares me so badly). All night, that damn emergency exit screamed nothing but bad news to me and my anxiety was going through the roof about the idea of something crawling up the stairs. And sure enough, my fear came true.

And when I say “true fear”, I mean I wasn’t laughing. This wasn’t something I could laugh off, not anymore. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, I felt my blood run cold, my heart rate skyrocketed, my breathing became ragged - I felt like a child who was TERRIFIED of the boogeyman coming to get her. And it was in that moment that I realized I had actually come to a breaking point, that I HAD to stop watching because I had actually reached the point of getting TOO absorbed into it all and getting scared FOR REAL. I’m not kidding when I say I actually started tearing up and shaking because of how scared I got. Even the glitch that followed afterwards gave me a heart attack - hell, I was on edge that I barely even processed what I saw; my brain pretty much tricked me into seeing some lanky, abnormal figure oddly moving through the one hallway, and I knew then that I was DONE. I immediately shut everything down and tried to get to sleep, but that footage - it felt too real for me. I genuinely felt like I was witnessing real paranormal shit, and I was SCARED. I fucking cried because of it.

Anti’s scared me before but never until last night has he actually made me experience full-blown FEAR. No laughing it off nervous, no “oh my god, that’s cool! I wonder how they did that!”, no “this isn’t real”. No, there was none of that. I sacrificed 9 hours and 45 minutes of my time to be driven so sleep deprived and insane that it got to the point genuine FEAR sank in. THAT is the effect Anti has had on me and holy FUCK, I can’t even believe it.

I will say this: although I am tired and went through an emotional breakdown, I have to say this has been a lot of fun - about as much fun as the Antipocalypse, what with bringing the whole community together. I also have to saw that holy fuck, props to Jack and the crew for putting this whole thing together. Yeah, it took a HUGE toll on me last night, but that just goes to show that they’ve done a good job. After all, Jack himself said he wanted Anti to be taken seriously, not seen as a joke, and actually make him scary. Well, he’s DEFINITELY succeeded in doing so.

PS Don’t worry about me, I’m fine now. It’s bright outside and I’m going to be out all day so no emotional trauma for the day; I’ll get a good long break :)

PSS I saw a few posts in regards to there being a possibility of the stream continuing for another day or so. I swear to god…I barely even survived last night. I ACTUALLY reached a breaking point! I don’t think I could survive another night or so of that again!

Daily logs

So you guys seemed to like the idea of me posting daily food logs. Even though it´s Sunday today I will post the first log in the evening. 💪🏼

I will tag every post with the hashtag “daily log” so you guys can find them faster. 💕

I binged horribly yesterday and gained 0,7 pounds so I will only eat lunch today. Still I am kinda afraid they will make me eat a lot of fatty food becasue my aunt is cooking and she always makes greasy food. Today she is making “Viennese Schnitzel” (a breadcrumbed and fried piece of meat) and potatoes and I am already freaking out. Also it´s my grandpas birthday today (and we are at his place over the weekend) and there is going to be cake. I´m crying! I really don´t know what to do 😔

anonymous asked:

:)))))))) emotional rant anon is back again!!! with an update!!!! boyfriend situation is better!!!! we are good!!! my friends and family still suck though. and!! and!!! my boyfriends family really does a lot for me so, I'm trying to make a card for them because i really consider tyem family over my own. im like crying over it because i feel like the note in the card sounds stupid.

Oh my, that makes me really happy to hear that the situation got better. It is so good that you got support from your boyfriend + his family, I mean this is really amazing and everything you deserve. And you writing that card is actually so lovable and nice, not many people would do that. If i would get such a card from someone I would feel extremely grateful, and so will probably his family also feel like. That is such a sweet gesture of you, and you absolutely don‘t have to feel stupid because of this. Also, this is really the cutest thing I‘ve read today, it just shows how genuinely kind you are. ❤️ So, you go there. Don‘t be ashamed, because you are a wonderful person.

anonymous asked:

today i found out that my dominant element is water and that makes a lot of sense bc i'm very sensitive and i will legit cry over the smallest things oh god

LMAO I feel u! Water dominants are so cute tho 😭 sensitive and compassionate, and quite spiritual and intuitive as well



A big thank you to the folks at twitter who gave me great ideas. I tried to put them all in one picture. Ichigo shouldn’t have made Grimmjow any promises he couldn’t keep. Who cares if it’s 3am? He wants his fight! 


i mean can you blame him????

anonymous asked:

do u ever just think about the fact that Ryan now has his very own show where he basically gets funded to search for the truth behind the paranormal like he's always been interested in, gets basically freedom to choose what to investigate AND his show is arguably the most well-received at BuzzFeed and just........fuckin cry???? Ryan Bergara deserves the best and I'm so happy for him honestly ......

i think about it every damn day thanks

Do you ever find yourself crying over novelizations of Animated movies? Because I do. A lot. 

The book follows most of the plot of the movie, but it adds a few more scenes like this one in it that adds more to the characters. The extra parts with Coco growing up are my favourite additions to the story, right next to the extra bits of dialogue with Hector and Miguel. 

I highly recommend to Coco fans to find this book and read it,

Do you ever cry because you realise that Kylo has to do mundane things like brush his teeth and tie his shoes and probably has nightmares and remembers which of the Stormtroopers has been respectful to him and maybe passes his time by playing a few lonely games of Dejarik and gets cramps after a rough day of training and gets chapped lips and has to take headache tablets and sometimes stops by the med bay because he got a really weird rash on his thigh and feels wonder when he watches passing planets from the window of his quarters and loves eating his favourite snacks…. BECAUSE I DO.

Canceled Date (Steve Harrington x Female Reader)

Summary: After you had to cancel your date with Steve because you have to babysit your sister, Steve invites himself over and manages to show you a completely different side to him.

Word Count: 2512

Warnings: none, maybe just OOC Steve

Note: First time writing for Steve but ay whatever. I hope you all enjoy! Feel free to tell me what ya think! :)

My Other Works…

Originally posted by ilovenarcisse

It wasn’t every night your parents would leave you to take care of your 8 month old sister, but after your father got a promotion at his job, they wanted to celebrate. You really didn’t want to ruin their celebration, so you offered to take care of little Anna for as long as they needed you to.

The only bad part was that you had to cancel your date with your boyfriend. You were dating Steve Harrington, the “King” of the school. He had told he really didn’t care about that title, and it was a bit stupid. You have been dating for at least 3 months, and your parents absolutely adored him, and you like to think his parents adore you too.

Anyway, Steve had been a bit upset when you told him you had to cancel. You were both going to watch a movie at his house since you worked at the theater and didn’t want to be there any longer than you needed to.

“Come on (y/n), we’ve been planning this for a week,” Steve said over the phone, you sighed.

“I know, I know- maybe tomorrow I can come over,” you said, feeling bad. Steve was silent for a moment.

“I’ll let it slide this time, but you have to promise me that we’ll spend the whole day together.” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“The whole day?” you asked, you can see him nodding.

“Yup! To make up for all the other times you had to cancel!” You scoffed.

“I only canceled once before this!” you claimed, he hummed.

“All day tomorrow so clear your schedule, babe,” You were silent for a moment, before a smile grew on your lips.

“I’ll get to that…I’m really sorry, Steve,” you apologized again.

“It’s alright (y/n), what are you doing anyway, I didn’t even ask,”

“I have to watch Anna, my parents are going out to celebrate or something,” you shrugged, moving on your stomach, holding your phone against your ear.

“You have to babysit?” he asked, his voice changing suddenly, like he was excited. You nodded as if he could see you.

“Yeah- I’m not canceling on you for no reason,” you laughed, Steve laughed as well. Your heart sped up because you really loved hearing his laugh.

“You know what- our date is not being canceled, tell your parents I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” Your smile fell, and you tilted your head.


“You heard me! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” You could just hear him get up, and grab his car keys. You sat up.

“Steve! My parents aren’t going to like it if my boyfriend comes over while they’re gone- they might think-”

“Come on- we’re going to babysit, that’s all! I’ll see you in ten minutes! Love you!” Your jaw dropped. Was he seriously going to come over?

“(y/n)?” his voice broke you out of your thoughts and you shook off.

“I love you too, but if my parents turn you away at the door- don’t blame me!” He laughed, and you did too, before the line went dead.

Keep reading

mike and richie as twins

(sorry for how long this is! i got a little carried away)

-they have the same parents, but richie takes their dad’s name and mike takes their mother’s

-this is because when they were kids they came up with this idea no one would guess they were related if they had different last names

-nancy laughed at them both and told them how ridiculous that was, but it stuck

-they shared a room up until they were seven and got in an argument and richie ended up throwing soda at mike and ruining the duvet of his bed (they had already destroyed a lot of stuff before then.  This was the final straw for Mrs. Wheeler)

-mike finds it obnoxious how messy richie is

-their bathroom is half warzone, half last ditch attempts by mike to keep it clean

-they end up having their own “sides” of the counter but richie’s stuff always ends up on mike’s side

-once richie used mike’s toothbrush so mike dunked richie’s toothbrush in the toilet and didn’t tell him

-dustin and lucas sometimes laugh at richie’s jokes and mike hisses “don’t encourage him”

-richie has a habit of flirting with everyone

-this includes will.

-sometimes he makes a dirty joke and winks at will and will blushes

-mike gets annoyed by it, but always tells himself it’s just because he doesn’t want his gross brother hitting on any of his friends

-they have fights over who’s going to have the sleepover this weekend.  

-the losers always make sure to include mike though

-just like the party includes richie (if he’s home, a lot of the time he sneaks over to eddies)

-mike never tells their parents that richie’s snuck out, no matter how mad he is, because he knows how horrible eddie’s mom is

-when he was younger, mike had a crush on bill, something he will NEVER admit

-he also had a crush on bev, who was so nice to him and used to offer him the last cookie/soda/bit of chips

-the party is kind of in awe of how cool bev is, and they always try to invite her to join their party

-richie is like “MY FRIENDS NOT URS” and bev finds it really funny

-even though richie and mike get on each other’s nerves, they band together really fast when one of them is picked on.

-richie constantly comes home with black eyes and a bloody nose/lip because people pick on mike and his friends

-mike and eddie help clean him up, both telling him to “sit still idiot”

-when they’re sixteen one time richie comes out of the shower with just sweatpants “hey mike, have you seen my scorpions shirt?”

-will goes bright look and glances down super quickly

-mike notices this and gets kinda angry? Not at will just the general situation

-but richie has been in love with eddie since he was like ten, and they’ve been dating since 8th grade so he only has eyes for his eds

-he notices how bothered mike is by this and just kinda laughs to himself bc he knows they’ll have to sort it out for themselves

-nancy, richie, and mike are a fucking power trio

-nancy takes them out to the city every month or so, less when she heads out to college

-they always visits mike’s “nerd stops” like museums and various comic book stores.

-they also hit up record shops (for richie) and occasionally nancy sneaks them into a grunge show “ONLY IF THEY PROMISE TO BE GOOD AND STAY IN HER SIGHT”

-both of them dread when nancy drags them to a clothing store, whining the whole way, but they have fun messing around with different outfits while nancy shops

-they talk about boys (and girls, the wheelers/toziers are bi icons) over food and whenever someone mentions will, mike gets all blushy.  Nancy and Richie share knowing looks

-nancy is definitely the cool, protective sister.  If she hears anyone in the higher classes making fun of richie and eddie she’s fucking ON THAT, turns out richie learned it all from her

-richie and mike definitely bond over how sucky their dad is. Insulting him when he isn’t around, teaming up to argue with him when he’s being ridiculous

-they know secrets about each other too, one’s they’d never tell anyone else

-mike knows that richie has nightmares about a family that hurts and ignores him, and it’s his biggest fear to end up alone like he is in his dreams

-richie knows that mike fears no one will need him anymore, and that he’s always struggling to have his voice heard

-richie gets real tired of mike and will sharing looks and then looking away blushing, and skirting around each other.  He “accidentally” locks them in a closet, and comes back thirty minutes later.

-they’re kissing

-they basically rip apart when richie opens the door


-will is bright red and mike is all stuttery “SHUT UP RICHIE”

-richie in a rare moment tells mike how happy he is for him (after will goes home)

-mike is all smiley and happy

-”he still thinks i’m hotter”

-”BEEP BEEP RICHIE” and a pillow is thrown at him

-richie and mike end up going to different colleges

-both of them joke how happy they are to escape the other, but in truth it’s kind of sad

-the second night of being alone, without mike close by, richie calls mike at like 1 am

-mike picks up immediately

-”did you have a nightmare?”

-richie doesn’t want to admit that he misses him “it’s fucking weird not to hear your annoying voice yammering away”

-mike realizes what’s going on “real quiet now that your shitty music isn’t blasting”

-both of them just chat about how life is going, until they start to fall asleep

-richie is best man at mike’s wedding, and mike is best man at richie’s

-mike gets strippers for richie for his bachelors party

-richie sets up a fucking LARP session

-and richie’s speech makes mike cry (it ends with “i love you, you fucking nerd”)

-when mike and will adopt a daughter,  richie and eddie come over to visit and play with the kid a lot

-mike and richie like to pretend to be each other

-the kid is never fooled, she knows who her dad is