i cried when i heard her say that

Better off Dead

Request- Can I request a one shot based off the song Better Off Dead by Sleeping With Sirens (song about the reader and how she feels about herself) and ends with Dean telling her how important and beautiful and amazing she is and he tells her he loves her???

A/N- I really hope you like this one everyone! This one was both easy and hard to write for many reasons. The song is pretty cool too. I hadn’t heard it before and the beat to it is so good! lol Tell me what you think! x)

Dean x Reader

Word Count- 1117

Warning- anxiety, self doubt

She says she wants to end it all when she’s all alone in her room
She cries
The way she feels inside is too much for her
When all you got is these four walls
It’s not that hard to feel so small
Or even exist at all
How come no one heard her when she said

You were in your room in the dead of night, crying yourself to sleep.

You had been thinking about your life, but your mind loves to remind you that you were so miniscule compared to everything and everyone else in the world. It didn’t help that you were a hunter that accompanied the famous Dean and Sam Winchester. They were widely known by the other hunters. As for you, you were more known for being their companion. Just that, not that you’ve bothered asking.

‘You’re just with them because you’re scared. You need them more than they need you and they won’t ever need you,’ your own mind told you.

It hurts when you believe it to be true.

Maybe you are with them because you’re scared. Maybe you might never be the hunters they are. Maybe you’ll die without having the chance to prove yourself. Maybe, even though you’ve abandoned the idea the day you became a hunter, you won’t ever find love, experience at the very least. Not with Dean, whom you’ve liked for the last couple of years. Not with anyone

You didn’t have nowhere else to go. You were all alone in this world. All you had was this room they let you stay in, but for how long? How long until they realize that they don’t need you? Until you become obsolete. Out casted and unwanted.

On most occasions, this is why you cried.

Maybe I’m better off dead
If I was would it finally be enough
To shut out all those voices in my head?
Maybe I’m better off dead
Better off dead!
Did you hear a word
Hear a word I said?
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I’m gone
Gone, gone
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I’m gone

“Would it matter if I’m gone?” you sobbed into your pillow.

Like always, there was no response. Silence was the only thing that followed. Silence that didn’t help the situation because when it was silent, you could hear the whispers all the more. When would they be silent? When would they finally let you rest?

“They’d miss me-” you whispered, trying to convince yourself.

‘No,’ the voice told you. ‘They only keep you around so that they can keep each other safe. They don’t really need you. They don’t need you. They don’t need you.’

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” you shouted into your pillow. You regretted it right after and hoped neither of the brothers heard you.

‘You don’t belong here. No one wants you. Why are you still here? No one wants you.’

You were already shaking profusely, but now you were having a hard time breathing. The room seemed to be closing in on you and you didn’t know what to do. You were panicking. You hugged yourself and rocked back and forth so slowly that you couldn’t really tell you were moving. Tears streamed down your cheeks.

You were just so tired but no matter what, it didn’t stop. The voices always came ack.

You didn’t notice it but you fell asleep. Not that it lasted long.

She doesn’t know she’s beautiful
Because no one’s ever told her so
And the demons that she has is all she knows
And maybe she can fall in love with someone in her life that she could trust
And tell her she’s enough (Have someone tell her she’s enough?)
How come no one heard her when she said

You woke up, panting from a nightmare. You got up and walked over to the kitchen. You served yourself a cup of water and sat down. After ywaning you laid your head on the table, using your arm as a pillow, and somehow fell asleep.

Dean walked in an hour later. He smiled when he saw you sleeping there but he figured it wasn’t comfortable. So he walked over to you, put an arm under your legs, and another behind your head. He lifted you, “Back to bed sweetheart,” he whispered as he carried you back to your room.

Unfortunately your door was closed, but Sam happened to be passing by at that moment.

“Morning Dean,” Sam called.

“Morning. Open the door for me,” Dean whispered back.

“Oh,” was all Sam said before doing so. Just as Dean was walking in, “You know you should just the Y/N that you like them,” he said.

Dean looked down to see if you were awake and then glared at his brother, “Shut it.”

Sam sighed and continued on his way.

Dean sighed and set you down on your bed, he softly moved your hair out of your face and kissed your forehead. He looked at you and wished he could tell you just how much you occupied his mind, as well his heart. As he was leaving, you began to stir again. He could hear you crying. He quickly turned around.

“Y/N?” he called softly, but you didn’t answer.

You continued to cry.

Maybe I’m better off dead
If I was would it finally be enough
To shut out all those voices in my head?
Maybe I’m better off dead
Better off dead!
Did you hear a word
Hear a word I said?
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I’m gone
Gone, gone
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I’m gone

Dean slowly made his way over to you. “Y/N?” he repeated.

“I…” you say, the rest were inaudible to him.

Then he got closer.

“I’m better of de-” you began.

But for the life of him, Dean couldn’t let you finish that sentence.

“Y/N!” he shouted, shaking your body so you could awaken from whatever nightmare you were having. You panted as you woke up. “You okay?” Den questioned.

“D-Dean…” you whimpered. “Dean… I-” you stumble over your words.

He brought you into his embrace, “Hey, its okay,” he whispered.

“Dean…” you sobbed. “I- I don’t belong here. I’m better off-”

“No… Don’t even say it. You mean so much to m- us… You’re important. You’re mazing. You’re… beautiful.”

You make out of his embrace and stare at him. Almost as if asking, ‘Is that true?’

“B-But I’m-” you start.

“Amazing, I know, we’ve been traveling for a while now. It didn’t take me that long to realize how awesome you are,” he said.

“But… if I was… gone- no one would miss me,” you mutter.

“Sam would miss you. Bobby would miss you. Hell even Crowley would miss you. Mostly me though. I’d miss you so much I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

When all you got is these four walls
It’s not hard to feel so small
When all you got is these four walls
It’s not hard to feel so small
All she wanted was to be enough
All she wanted was to be enough

“I- I don’t have anything. I don’ have anywhere to go,” you said.

He wiped away your tears, “You have us… and where would you want to go? These four walls aren’t just a place where you sleep Y/N. This is as much a home for you as it is for us. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

“I’m… I’m enough?” you questioned.

“You’re more than anything we could’ve possibly hoped for in a life like ours,” he responded.

It felt as if he was trying to convey something much more than that but wanted to focus on you.

“Why? Why are you being so nice to me?” you questioned.

“Why the hell wouldn’t I? You, Y/N, are vital to my life and to Sammy’s life. You are what makes everything worth it. We… I love you,” he confessed. He smiles at you in a way you’ve never seen. He looked, genuine and almost vulnerable.

You never thought you’d experience love. Especially not a reciprocated one with Dean. Maybe your life wasn’t as bad you the voices made it out to be, and even if they never go away, you’d have Dean here, to always quiet them down.

Hope you liked it! x)

anonymous asked:

Hi MN, re: Kristen's acting ability, my viewing of "Speak" was the first time I had seen or heard anything about Kristen Stewart. I watched that movie mesmerized by her talent & beauty. I felt everything she felt, I cried when she cried, I felt alone when her friends abondoned her, & scared when her attacker approached her. She conveyed on screen what it was truly like for a teenager to be raped without saying a word. Now, that's a great actress...if you can do that, you're truly great! Chloe M

Hey Chloe…I absolutely was riveted watching Speak.

It wasn’t until years later, after seeing BD1 and researching Kristen’s filmography that I put the girl from Panic Room, Cold Creek Manor, Speak, Zathura, The Messengers, In the Land of Women and Twilight as the SAME PERSON!

I’d seen ALL these films and appreciated every one of them never once questioning the acting of the young girl/woman at the time of seeing them.

It wasn’t until Twilight that ppl started questioning her acting skills. I blame this on several things and not at ALL on Kristen’s skills as an actress. Were the Twilight scripts the best? NO…

But mostly I blame this on jealous assholes. The jealous asshole Twilight fans that had a different actress in mind and never “forgave” Kristen for landing the role. Trust me when I say, NO one but the actress they wanted cast whoever that may have been, would have suited them. And though this mythical better Bella was likely different for them all they could all gather together in mutual hate for Kristen.

The other ppl I blame are the jealous fans that could not accept that Rob loved Kristen not just as a co-star but as the woman he loved! They’ve never forgiven her for this even the ones (especially the ones) that believe Rob’s moved on.

So these ppl remain butthurt and can’t admit that they are wrong about Kristen and her obvious talent.

Though I do believe that some like the grudging anon have finally had to admit that she actually does have talent but they can’t allow themselves to recognize that it’s been there all along! An actress with little to no talent that’s just “now” starting to improve would NOT have worked, with as little as a two year break, since starting her career at the age of 9 YEARS OLD!

46 CREDITS to her name thus far…that’s 2.7 movie per year for the past 17 years! I dare for someone to find me a bad actor that’s worked that steadily and consistently for so long!

They’re cowards! They’re cowards…shooting at women, children, people… without any weapons to defend themselves with? This is not war, they’re cowards! And let them know that we’re going to continue with our lives, and they haven’t brought us down!
—  A witness of the shootings at the Bataclan- Paris, was also shot at in her car, but she managed to escape safely

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning.

When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!

Tagged by @zeonghan (specifically mod kimchi eyy) thanks hon! <3

1: Are you named after someone? — yes and no, my parents first heard my name because it was an actress’ name but didn’t name me in honor of her or anything? idk

2: When is the last time you cried? — last night watching Adele say Beyonce deserved her Grammy more :’’) beautiful

3: Do you like your handwriting? — not to brag but I think its pretty nice

4: What is your favorite lunch meat? — hnng this makes me uncomfortable but pastrami? i guess??

5: Do you have kids? — lmao no but I want some eventually

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? — depends. probably I’m pretty cool..

7: Do you use sarcasm? — I live and breathe sarcasm ok

8: Do you still have your tonsils? — yep(ew now I’m thinking about tonsils)

9: Would you bungee jump? — I really want to actually

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? — I like granola sometimes but cereal in general is gross

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? — if they don’t slip off

12: Do you thing you’re a strong person? — I am becoming one

13: What is your favorite ice cream flavor? — vanilla or caramel(strawberry too)

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? — fashion sense and lips

15: Red or pink? — pink but honestly I like every color to a certain degree

16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? — nose bump :((

17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? — pajama pants and fluffy socks y’all

18: What was the last thing you ate? — beef stir fry

19: What are you listening to right now? — Spring Day by BTS / listen to it, it will change your life bro

20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? — caramel

21: Favorite smell? — CHANEL No. 5

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? — my dad

23: Favorite sport to watch? — soccer is everything!!

24: Hair color? — dark brown, soon to be rose gold

25: Eye color? — dark brown(but sometimes goldish? kind of a mixture)

26: Do you wear contacts? — no but my vision is getting worse so I might need them TT

27: Favorite food to eat? — all of it

28: Scary movies or comedy? — comedies are what I prefer but I like both

29: Last movie you watched? — Doctor Strange(I know, saw it late as hell)

30: What color of shirt are you wearing? — dark grey

31: Summer or winter? — summer because warm weather makes me happier. I love snow though

32: Hugs or kisses? — both because I am an intimate rebel ok

33: What book are you currently reading? — I’m re-reading Demian sneakily while supposedly doing history homework

34: Who do you miss right now? — all my friends from my old school that I never see

35: What is on your mouse pad? — I don’t have one oops

36: What is the last TV program you watched? — Hwarang / highly recommend you watch it if you like kdramas and historical stuffs

37: What is the best sound? — rain tapping on my skylight

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? — i grew up listening to the Beatles so they are closer to my heart

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? — Hong Kong. I also went to France which was a blast!

40: Do you have a special talent? — singing and acting I guess its what i want to do with my life so yeah

41: Where were you born? — california

42: People you expect to participate in this survey? — the few people I kinda know on tumblr and/or people I look up to:

@armyinluv7, @iglcc, @ask-bts-stuff, @seokjinthealpaca, @chandelyer
Obviously don’t do it if you don’t want to though! Well, that’s it.

Taxi cab on a drunken night with J and Alisha
somewhere in Midtown. We are all holding hands. 
This is New York and you can tell anybody
anything you want, so I tell the driver how lucky I am,
that, come morning, I will have six mimosas at brunch
and no one will give me shit about it. He only grins.
If I have written about you and it hurt your feelings,
know that I set myself on fire in each of my poems.
I’m sad you’re sad lets party on somebody’s rooftop,
stuff condoms into our purses and bras.  
We won’t use them out of fear that we’ll need them.
One bad habit I have is looking through magazines
at all the beautiful people who are not in love with me.
A good girlfriend cries only when she’s alone
and never in front of her boyfriend’s pretty punk face.
Say, “I’ll make it up to you" but only because
that’s the most gorgeous lie I’ve ever heard. My father
wants to know why I’m always so moody; my therapist
said she could smell the sadness in my hair. 
What happens next? I want a sunset the color
of your mouth. Once someone told me I was brave
because I never carry an umbrella with me.
—  Kristina Haynes, “What Can’t You Live Without?”

anonymous asked:

I watched and gasped as the little girl fell and cried. I immediately ran over to check on her and see if she was okay. "Okay you okay sweetie?" I asked her gently trying to remain calm in order to calm her down. ~T👑

The girl tried to say something but only spat out bits of munched cookie, tears trailing down her cheeks.

Jimin turned around when he heard the crying. What had happened? He had given the little girl a cookie and now she was crying?! He saw you next to her, a long coat around your body and a hood on your head. Letting the hammer fall down from his hand, he walked to you and crouched next to the little girl. “I’ll get her.” He told you, taking the little girl on his lap, not looking up at you.

What she says: I’m fine


I first watched a Soshi video on March 29, in 2014. I remember I used to “hate” SNSD because my cousin, who introduced me to KPop, was a massive Blackjack. But, on the 29, I decided to give Girls’ Generation a chance, without judgement, and when I heard Sooyoung’s “Ayo GG”, I fell in love. You guys don’t understand what SNSD means to me. I’ve spent so many nights awake waiting for something they would release; I’ve ditched so many classes, just so I could watch a new MV; I’ve fought so many people who spoke shit about my ladies. I can say that I was there when the girls went to the airport without Jessica, and I woke up to SM confirming her departure of the rest of the group. I cried for days and days, and she wasn’t even my bias. I remember when I didn’t go to school because I wanted to stay home for their Tokyo Dome. I was watching it all through a fancam and my fingers were hurt because of how much I typed on twitter. My best friend’s mom died the day Lion Heart came out, and the Channel SNSD episode of that day made me forget about my tears and smile. It’s been exactly two years that I am in this crazy roller coaster. And, honestly, there isn’t a day that I don’t feel proud of being a Sone. Those nine queens are the most beautiful creatures in the entire world, and I won’t let anyone say anything bad about them. If you are the kind of “fan” that speaks shit about ANY member, you shouldn’t call yourself a Sone, because it is a sin using this amazing word in vain. A Sone is a person who loves and adores UNCONDITIONALLY Kim Taeyeon, Jessica Jung, Lee Soonkyu, Tiffany Hwang, Kim Hyoyeon, Kwon Yuri, Choi Sooyoung, Im Yoona and Seo Joohyun. If you don’t, then shut the fuck up and exit our fandom. You can’t say bad things about Tiffany and call yourself a true Sone. You can’t judge any of the girls and call yourself a true Sone. So stop. You guys make me sick and disappointed. I am here because I love them all, and I don’t care what you say about any of them, I still love them all with all of me, and I never will stop. Girls’ Generation, thank you so much for existing.

Clean Tattoo

I think it’d be the coolest thing ever if Taylor were to write out “I am finally clean” and I could get that tattoo’d on my wrist because I can’t even begin to describe how much Clean means to me. I’ve had severe depression and anxiety for the past year and half because of a very stressful and upsetting event that happened in my family. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want any sympathy. I’m able to post this on my blog because I’m so happy to say that I’ve gotten so much better over the past few months in particular. When I saw Taylor at Rock in Rio and heard her beautiful speech before Clean, I cried. She’s just such an important person in my life and I owe her so much. I can honestly say that she’s been one of the main reasons I’ve gotten better because I was so hopeless until I saw her perform at Jimmy Kimmel last October. From then on, I started to become more optimistic and happier. I listen to 1989 every day and lately I’ve been making vine edits of Taylor because it’s one of the few things I’m decent at(: It’d mean everything if she noticed me, and it’d be everything and then some if I ever got the chance to get that tattoo. I’ve been a Swiftie for 7 years, been to 5 concerts, and I hope that one day Taylor will know who I am and she’ll know how thankful I am for her. I love you taylorswift 💕

Eyes as blue as the ocean, fingers as long as you could imagine, veins surfacing underneath beautifully tanned freckled skin, and legs that went on for days. Your body was an adventure all in itself. I could have stared at you all day, every part of you. And your mind was so dark but so glorious; it was like reading a book that went on forever, but you never wanted to put it down.

When you cried, I dried the tears and kissed you as hard as I could in hopes to steal away the sadness. I watched you shake and I heard you scream. You bit the insides of your lips whenever you were concentrating and tried to crack your knuckles when you were nervous. I studied you, perhaps too much, but I did, nonetheless.

You were my foundation and your arms were my home. I picture you in my head, the night that you cried to your mother and told her that “saying goodnight to a screen is the hardest thing you’ve ever done” and you pleaded, “she’s my home.” She cried with you and understood. She said, “you’re a man now and I’d be happy to call her my daughter-in-law.” You called me in tears and we laughed together and spoke about our lives together as if it was recalling our favorites scenes from a replayed movie.

It took me four months to understand how much you loved me. How your heart ached and cracked whenever I told you I felt like dying. It took me four months to understand that someone could actually love me. I didn’t know, I couldn’t understand. My own mother didn’t love me, how could you? But you did. You watched me like a hawk and your eyes followed my motions as I would dance for you. It was four months too late, and now I can feel the pain through simple messages on my phone screen.

The pain in my chest is the equivalent to the deepest cut that I’ve placed on my left forearm. It’s deep, numb, cold, and it aches. It physically aches — I never knew love could do that. And what is love? A cocktail of chemicals in your brain that make you confused and flustered and happy, all at the same time. We call that love. Confusion.

Tonight you’re roaming around the east coast with your family. I feel you forgetting me, as I fall asleep. Please don’t forget me. Not yet.

—  A year (s.s)

my parents have always been like the ultimate relationship goal. they’re both such powerful people who love each other so much like they literally can’t live w/out each other they cant even go a few hours w/out speaking to each other they’re the best of friends. Like last year my dad told us about this one time his friends confronted him like “Jean, how come you never have anything to say when we complain about our wives?” and he said “well I don’t have anything to complain about” and that was like the cutest thing I’ve ever fucking heard in my life i almost cried I’m so grateful that I didn’t really have to go far to see what black love looks like and most importantly my mom was a shining example of a powerful hard working woman who not only never diluted herself for any man but is loved because of her strength and not in spite of it. 

hello 💙

My name is Julie and I love Taylor Swift. The first time I ever heard one of her songs was You Belong with Me, and it immediately became one of my favorite songs of all time. Whenever I heard another girl singing it, I would go out of my way to befriend her. Ever since I was a little girl I would rock out to Love Story on drives with my mom or play the air guitar to Change. When I had Taylor, I could be who I wanted without fear of being judged. I grew up listening to her songs and I cried along the first time I heard Ronan. I am so glad to say that I became a dedicated fan to such a wonderful person who clearly cared so much for us, her fans, and part of a huge family who accepted me. On August 18, 2014, Taylor Swift announced her new album, 1989. When she revealed it was being released on my birthday, October 27, I was so freaking excited. BLESS MY FRIENDS because they got me her album for my birthday (obviously). I remember running home and putting it on my player and lying down on my bed and thinking, “this is amazing”. I loved the clever lyrics of Blank Space, fell in love with How You Get the Girl and the rest of her album, and heartbreak became my national anthem. I could see how much thought and love she put into the words. It was like a birthday gift Taylor gave to me and so many other fans. A year ago, I was at the lowest point in my life, having to deal with horrible friends and people who treated me as if I was nothing. And so to Taylor, I thank you. Thank you for giving me hope and being with me when I thought things would never get better. And im so happy to say they have. All my life I’ve dreamed of nothing more then to meet you or for you to notice me. PLEASE could you guys help me get Taylor to follow me by my birthday, aka 1989’s release anniversary? It would mean the world to me. Thank you, and lots of love. xx taylorswift taylorswift taylorswift


…I’ve always been a very emotional person.

From an early age I have had issues with…controlling my emotions. The one observation I’ve heard over and over in my life is….

“You are so EMOTIONAL about everything!” 

Welp. I went to go see “Inside Out” tonight with the fam bam…And of COURSE I cried. Multiple times. 

But I connected with this movie on such a visceral level. The scene where Joy cries?

Yeah…this one. When she says, “I can’t make her happy” Well…that was the cue for the water works times a bajillion. I don’t know about anyone else, but there have been so many times when my anxiety, my stress, my depression has just….overwhelmed me. And you try so hard to find the…well…the JOY in it all and there’s all your joy….just…crying just as hard as you are. 

But then the movie has such a great lesson about sadness. That sadness is necessary. That it is part of healing and growing. And even though sadness has been told that she screws everything up, she saves the day in the end. 

I think we’ve all been crying and upset, thinking about how much we suck and how if we were just stronger and not so emotional, we would be able to solve our problems. Or at least I have. Maybe not everyone…

But as someone who often feels trapped by her emotions, I heard a tiny voice in my head that made a little acceptance happen. 

This movie made emotion something to examine and look at. To appreciate. Not to be frustrated by but to accept and trust as a part of life. The metaphors they came up with were unreal. It was wonderful. 

Most of my life I have seen my emotions as a burden. That the intensity with which I experience my feelings is just a hinderance. I would be so much more productive and strong if I just focused on the logical explanations and solutions to things.  But this movie really made me feel….well…just to feel. And to be okay with those feelings instead of resenting myself for having those feelings. And as someone who deals with anxiety, and depression, this movie helped me to think about what it means to feel…and to be okay with those feelings. 

Also I can’t wait to sit on the computer with Al for hours as we fit this one into the Pixar universe conspiracy!!!


Imagine #112 Baby sitter (Part 18)

*Neymar’s POV*

I was about to take another shot wen suddenly I heard Joana crying behind my back. She was not able to say anything, that was when I knew, something happened to (y/n).

“Where is she?” I asked trying to stay calm.

“Ou-outside” she cried and without asking anything else I rushed outside the house. After that, I only heard her say Dani to call an ambulance.

When I walked outside, I saw a car on the street and a stranger next to someone on the floor. I didn’t take me long to realize that that someone was my girlfriend. I walked closer and pushed the stranger away from her,

“Move!” I shout and got on my knees to see what was going on. She was like asleep, her eyes were closed and her beautiful face was covered in red blood.

“I’m. I’m so sorry. I didn’t se…” The men started apologising, but I didn’t feel like listening to him, I was not able to hear his apologies out. My girlfriend was on the ground, without concussion, barely breathing, because of him.

“Look what you have done!” I said angry, because it scared me to see her like that, to have her in my arms without any response, to see her getting away from me. I knew the alcohol was also getting my emotions heated.

“Ney! The ambulance is coming” Dani shout and I heard them driving closer.

As I looked back I noticed everyone from the party outside staring at her, then I looked at Joana, who was still crying her eyes out, I called her to tell me what exactly happened.

“We were at the park, just talking and when we decided to go back home, she passed the street and didn’t realize a car was coming from outside the corner and that was when he hit her and she fell”

“Hello sir, what happened here?” Suddenly the ambulance came and a men asked me to leave her.

“She was hit by a car, please tell me she will be fine,” I said as thy lift her up to place her in the ambulance car.

“She is still breathing so it’s a good sign, but we still can’t give you the right answers. We will take her to the hospital. Is there anyone who is part of her family?”

“No, but I…”

“Then someone should call them and tell them what is going on and to come at the hospital”

“Please can I go with you, I can pay whatever you want just please let me go with her, she is my girlfriend”

“Well if so, you can come, but you don’t have to pay anything.”

I nodded my head and was just about to get inside the car, when Jo stopped me, “Neymar, you need to know that she is…”

“Sir, please there is no time” She was stopped by the driver of the ambulance. I walked inside and sit next to (y/n), “Sorry Joana, I’ll call when I can” then I closed the door.

“She’s pregnant,” Joana whispered, but the ambulance was already driving away, so Neymar could not hear it.

When we finally arrived in the hospital, they took (y/n) away from me in to a room for emergency.

“Sir, we will need to ask you to stay here and wait” a nurse stopped me from following the doctors.

“I can’t leave her, I need to” I said walking, but she kept stopping me.

“Sir, please. There is nothing you can do now. She is with doctors now; they will take care of her. Now you should come with me and tell me some information’s about your friend.”

“Girlfriend” I said like that “friend” upset me and meant she is not important to me as much as she is.

“Okay, so your girlfriend. Tell me her name and some other information’s I need to write.” She had a calm voice, and she did try to calm me down with asking different questions about (y/n).

“There is a lot of traffic outside, even some people with photo cameras,” Another nurse said as she walked to us.

“Really? There was no one just 15 minutes ago.”

“It’s because of me.” I said, hoping that didn’t sound like I am full of myself, “I’m Neymar, I play in FC Barcelona.”

“Oh my. I thought you were familiar. How fast people get information about your life. It’s a scary thing, isn’t it?”

“Yes” I answered, not in a mood of talking.

“Sir, she will be fine.” The nurse said as she noticed I kept staring at the door behind of which she was.

“Ney!” I heard Rafinha running from the front door.

“Rafa, what are you doing here?”

“Sorry, the traffic outside is crazy, people already found out it’s (y/n) inside.”

“Yeah I heard”

“Any news?” He asked looking at me then at the nurses who shake their heads.

*(y/n)’s POV*

I woke up, I looked around and there was no one next to me. Neymar was probably already awake, since his side of the bed was empty. I went out of bed and walked to our baby’s little bed.

There she was, our little Gabriela, still sleepy. She was so quiet during night and she always let us sleep without problems, just a perfect little baby.

I walked downstairs to see Neymar. However, he was nowhere to be found. He most probably already went to practice. I decided to make myself breakfast and relax before Gabi would wake up.

While watching TV and eating cereal someone opened, the door and I turned around surprised, since we did not expect anyone.

As I turned around my heart broke in to thousand pieces, I was feeling so many emotions, from disappointment to anger and sadness. I could not believe to what I saw. Neymar rushed inside the house kissing a girl of broun hair, but those hair were familiar. Bruna.

“How could you do this?” I shout at them, but they didn’t stop kissing.

“Neymar!” I shout, but still nothing. I walked closer to them, but as I tried to tear them apart, I couldn’t. It was as I was a ghost they could not be able to see, and I was not able to touch them.

“Is the baby still sleeping?” Bruna asked Neymar as they finally moved their lips away from each other.

“Yes, but don’t worry about her, she sleeps tightly” Neymar answered and undressed Bruna’s shirt.

“Neymar stop it!” I shout feeling like my world just fell.

“Are you sure you moved on?” Bruna asked.

“She died a year ago; we were together just a month, but us. We have history” Neymar smiled and she kissed him as they both headed in to his room.

“I haven’t died! I’m still here! Watching you kiss other girls, forgetting about me. I never left, I’m alive! Neymar please, I am here!”

*Neymar’s POV*

An hour and a half passed and I was still in the waiting room, hoping the doctor would bring me some news, good ones only.

“You want something to eat, I’ll go to the cafeteria,” Rafinha asked, but all this stress took my hunger.

“No, I’m fine. You go.”

“You sure? If you change your mind, just call.” He said as I nodded my head and looked him walk away.

I was getting so many text from everyone that I decided to just mute my notifications and wait for the doctor. I was not able to call her mother, because she didn’t give me her number and I never talked to her or visited her.

Then I heard the door finally open. I got up and rushed to the doctor who walked outside.

“Is she okay?” I asked, but his face was so serious I was not able to read if the news are good or bad.

“So. She is okay and she woke up just a few minutes ago, something in her dreams was probably frightening her so much that she woke up. However, she is asleep now, because of the medications and the surgery. She hit her head, but there are no signs of lost memory or any other problems. Her hand is broken and other than that, she should be fine.”

“Oh thank…”

“But. She will have to stay here for at least a week, because right now we are not sure if the baby will be fine also.”


“I guess you didn’t know. The girl is a month pregnant,” The doctor said and I almost threw up all the alcohol I drank.

How can she be pregnant, we only had sex twice and the first time it can’t… I mean, she can’t be pregnant. I can’t be a father again, she is too young. But did she know it? Of course she knew, that is why she didn’t drink alcohol, that is why she was tired all the time and upset.

“Neymar, you need to know that she is…”

That she is pregnant. That was what Joana was trying to tell me. That we are expecting a baby that I am once again a father.

I can’t…

Let Me Hear You Scream

Part I

I saw all the signs, I could read him like an open book any day. I heard him screaming, I heard him crying but I didn’t answer. Figuratively, he screamed at me when he announced he was dating her. Figuratively, he begged me when he posted those pictures. Figuratively, he cried out to me when he proposed.
Figuratively, I never answered him back …

I am hearing what he’s saying, but I just can’t make a sound. He tells me that he needs me but then he go’s and cuts me out. He told me he was sorry because he didn’t think I’d turn around.
I didn’t like the change I saw in him after we separated, he was never the same. He wasn’t my Maks. My Maksim…
I take another fall, another step, another shot, just for him—dancing at Sway, promoting his business with our posters, attending his events. I know he needs me…just like I need him, it’s nothing new.
I loved him with the fire red—like on the show, he was so passionate, so excited. He couldn’t wait to dance and neither could I. All of the choreography was his, and it was for me. He did it for me—but it’s turning blue. He hasn’t even choreographed a full dance for us since the show…

I am sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you—When I walked through that door for our first rehearsal my first thought was, “Beautiful.” Then he took me into his arms, into his life, into his world, and I fell in love. I fell in love with him. I still love him.
I don’t know why I didn’t answer him. I could here how much pain was in his voice when he screamed. When he was overly dramatic in interviews and social media, it made me cringe.
When I look at pictures of him now I can’t help but cringe. I did that. I am the reason he’s like that. He’s screaming for me.
Sometimes I just want to call him and say, “ I here you.”
But he’s engaged now. I can’t do that, he doesn’t need me. But I still here him. He’s still screaming. He might say otherwise, he might say she’s what he has always wanted, he might pretend those pictures aren’t disgusting, and that that ring he gave her was picked from a display— every piece of jewelry he gave me was designed. He can pretend but I know the truth. He’s just lying to himself…and to me.
Maybe I should call him I ponder or maybe I should scream back. I could call him…right?
Unlocking the screen to my I phone, I dialed the number that was etched into my heart.

“Hello…” a gruff voice answered.

“I hear you.” I whispered.

Emilie Adriana Jackson was born on February 14th, the perfect valentine’s present. I couldn’t believe that something so small could really be a human life. 

Things were up and down in the months leading up to Emilie’s birth. To his credit, Brandon had stepped up and was acting as both mother and father to the girls and Ian. He had moved them back out, but they still stayed with us a few nights a week to give Brandon some time off. On one of those days my Dad would stay with us. We would make cakes and order takeaway and watch Disney movies until they fell asleep. I would cherish these moments forever.

When I told my Dad I was pregnant he had cried for hours. When I went to bed that night I heard him talking to my Mom, telling her how he would make sure he took care of me. I really had never planned to have a baby so young, but if it made my Dad happy then maybe Mom was having some say in that fate’s plans for my future.

As I looked at the little girl in my arms, I wondered what life would bring for her. So far, mine had definitely not gone as expected. All I could hope was that hers would follow a different path.