i cried making these gifs

4

There’s no way I can know all of your circumstances, or your resolve. But for you to become number one without giving it your all, to completely reject your father… Right now, I think you should stop screwing around!

happy belated birthday selma!

170514 // The time is 5:14 

“ Today, I was given a present that will last forever-
      This is happiness;
We will take this pain together; 
We will fall asleep together;
We will dream the same dream;
I’m comfortably closing my eyes-
                                             -on the last page-
                                                                     -I know you are there. 
” 

I don’t need to look for a happy ending when I’m already with you.

#2YearsWithMonstaX

@aprillikesthings RSUGAR COULD TELL ME HERSELF IN PERSON THAT GEMS DONT HAVE FANGS AND IT STILL WOULDNT STOP ME FROM GIVING THEM ALL FANGS

Imagine Chris being there for you through it all.

A/N: This is a request from @brobrobreja, I don’t know if this helps. I mean- I cried writing this so I’m sorry if this makes you sadder, I just- it’s a really tough situation. Sending so much love your way. X

You swore time stood still when the words “acute myeloid leukemia” left your oncologist’s lips. Your mouth became dry and your heart started to beat in your ears; voices and background noises merged into a deafening buzz that somehow repeated one sentence, “you have cancer.” You couldn’t believe it- you didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t understand how what you’d thought was a really bad cold could turn out to be blood cancer. You thought because you were sick that it was normal: to feel tired, to have a fever, to get night sweats, to have reoccurring nose bleeds, to throw up, to lose weight, to have your bones and joints ache despite your use of pain killers. You didn’t think anything of it because you didn’t want to think anything of it; you knew something was wrong but you were too afraid to admit it, and as it turned out- you had every right to be afraid.

Your husband, Chris, was the reason you finally decide to go to the hospital. You were getting weaker with each passing day, and your pain was only just beginning. Today you couldn’t even get out of bed, which was the last straw for Chris; he forced you into his car and drove you to the hospital. The two of you met with a GP who took one look at you and your list of symptoms and sent you to their resident oncologist on the fifth floor. You sat in the waiting room with Chris, who held your freezing hand the entire time. He tried to reassure you, repeating the sentences that would usually rid you of your angst: “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”, “We’re just overthinking again.”, “I’m sure it’s nothing.” Usually they worked, but not this time. You knew it wasn’t going to be okay; you weren’t overthinking again; and it was definitely something. You could feel it everywhere: your gut, your heart, your mind, and your soul; it wasn’t just the numbing pain talking, it was every inch of your being.

“Hey,” Chris gently squeezed your hand, bringing you back into the room. You managed a small smile as you ignored the tears blurring your vision; it wasn’t you you were worried about, it was your husband. Death was going to be easy, but surviving a death wasn’t. “Did you hear what Dr. Michaels said?” He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible. “There are a lot of treatments you can undergo, okay? We’ve got um-” he glanced at Dr. Michaels who looked heartbroken for the both of you, “chemotherapy and biological therapy and target therapy and radiation-” He stopped himself when he heard his voice break. “There’s a chance for recovery, Y/N.”

“I know,” you nodded, squeezing his hand as tightly as your weak body could. “Don’t you worry, I’m going to do whatever it takes to fight this.” Chris broke down when you said that, burying his head in your lap. He wanted to be strong for you, but he couldn’t right now. You were so young and you had so much left to do with your life; he couldn’t lose you, you couldn’t leave him. “It’s okay, baby.” You kissed the top of his head, whispering into his hair. “I’m going to be okay, I promise.”

After that day, Chris never cried in front of you again. He promised himself he’d keep it together because you didn’t need to take care of him, he needed to take care of you. He stayed incredibly positive, reminding you every day that recovery was possible and it was- especially since they detected your cancer in its early stages. Acute leukemia was the kind of cancer that needed to be treated as soon as it was diagnosed, as were most cancers. The goal of treatment was inducing a remission which was an absence of leukemia cells in the body, that came with a lot of chemotherapy; pills, catheter- whatever form of inserting the drugs into you, you did. It exhausted you physically, mentally, and psychologically. You spent most of your time at either the hospital or the dialysis clinic with Chris, of course, who put his entire career on hold.

You didn’t want him to; you wanted him to go to Atlanta and film ‘Infinity War’; you wanted him to live his life like his wife’s wasn’t on the line. But of course, he wouldn’t because he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to keep you happy, he couldn’t agree to such a ridiculous request. Even if he were to agree, just to appease you, Marvel wouldn’t have allowed him on set. You’d been married to Chris for five years now, everyone he knew and everyone he’d worked with knew you too. They also knew you needed Chris in such a trying time, whether or not you were willing to admit it- you needed the love of your life by your side. So Kevin promised Chris they could postpone the filming schedule for as long as he needed, or at least until things weren’t so raw and fresh. You’d tried to argue against it, stating there was no point in him suffering with you, but he wouldn’t have any of it. He even reminded you of your wedding vows- for better or for worst, and in sickness and in health- which shut you up.

“Do you want some te-” Chris cut himself off when he saw you asleep on the couch with Dodger watching over you. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, walking over to carefully readjust you and your blanket. “I’m not hurting her, bud.” He reassured Dodger, who growled slightly. “I’m just…” He trailed off, sighing again at the sight of your weary face. “What are we going to do, Dodger?” He looked over at his pup, chuckling with limited humor as he wept. He tried to stop himself from completely breaking down, but he couldn’t. “I feel so fucking useless. Tea?” He almost laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. “I’m offering her fucking tea when she’s-” he buried his face in his hands. “Oh God, why did it have to be her?” He cried into his hands. “She doesn’t deserve this, no one does.”

Chris cried for a little while then wiped his face with his t-shirt before leaving you to rest. He headed for his laptop where had several articles about leukemia and treatment plans and statistics of recovery. Things may have looked bleak, but it didn’t stop him from giving up hope. If there was a chance, there was a way. If you were willing to fight, so was he. You were stronger than anyone he’d ever known, and if anyone were to beat any shitty illness- it was you. You could do it, he could feel it as sure as you could feel the pain in your bones. Your treatment was going to induce remission, and you were going to recover, and the two of you were going to start a family and live happily ever after. Chris could picture the whole thing, he could see his future with you and there wasn’t a black cloud in sight. As long as the two of you stuck together, fought together, and stay positive together- things were going to be okay.

“Chris,” Chris heard your weak voice call for him and he poked his head around the corner. You were sitting up with a hand over your mouth, which meant only one thing. He quickly rushed over with a box of tissues and a bin so you could throw up. He held your hair back for you and gently rubbed your back as you threw up water and bile because you were too weak to eat any proper foods. You started crying as he cleaned your mouth for you, pushing his hand away and burying your head in yours. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed.

“Don’t apologize,” he shook his head, putting the bin aside so he could hold you. You melted into his arms and for a second, you almost forgot about everything. “Baby, this is not your fault. You’re doing everything you can, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for, do you understand me?” You managed a nod as you continued to cry. “I know how difficult it is right now, but you are going to get better. You just to believe because the mind is so much stronger than the body, and you have one of the strongest minds I’ve ever come across.”

“What if it’s not enough?”

“It is,” he assured you. “Believe me, it is. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together,” he cupped your face in his hands and brushed away your tears, smiling. “I’m not letting you go anywhere, you hear? You’re stuck with me, Y/N, whether you like it or not.” You managed to laugh despite how utterly lost and broken you felt. “You’re going to get better,” he repeated. “Things are going to look up, I promise. You just need to keep fighting, baby. Can you do that?”

You nodded, managing a light chuckle. “I can do this all day,” you quoted Captain America’s most popular line and drew a genuine, heartfelt laugh from Chris. He brushed away the remainder of your tears then kissed your lips. Yes, things were bad right now, but he’d no doubt it was going to get better real soon. With a character as tough as yours, not even leukemia could keep you down.

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