30 something year old Jess Mariano and Rory Gilmore being friends and casually talking about their life and problems over glasses of whiskey is not something I thought i’d ever see outside of a fanfic and yet
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Skye | Daisy Johnson/Grant Ward Characters: Skye | Daisy Johnson, Grant Ward, Phil Coulson Summary:
Skye and Ward are brought together by unexpected circumstances. As they spend time together, they have to decide if this is something they can or cannot live without.
Happy Birthday @evieoh!!! Here is your ridiculous, cracky, referencey, inside jokey, almost non-sensical, didn’t-follow-the-rules, and super tropey birthday fic. I hope you love it and you freak out. :D Because that’s what friends do.
What’s going on with you? What do you mean? You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn’t you. I don’t know. What are you doing? Living at your grandparent’s place, being in the DAR, no Yale- why did you drop out of Yale? It’s complicated. It’s not! It’s not complicated. You don’t know. This isn’t you. This- you going out with this jerk with a porsche. We made fun of guys like that. You caught him on a bad night. This isn’t about him. Okay- screw him. What’s going on? This isn’t you, Rory. You know it isn’t. What’s going on? I don’t know. I don’t know.Okay, uh, may-maybe we’ll catch up at a better time.
Oh, you don’t know Living Single, but I’m supposed to know everything about Frasier?
Good news, your crash course in the Great American Songbook starts immediately and lasts forever!
I mean, that’s 78¢ down the drain.
Without blue, my whole weekly rotation is off. I can’t wear a green scrunchie on Thursday. Everyone will think I’m horny.
Tougher than keeping hope alive in a bunker where the end of your braid is your toothbrush and your best friend?
He’s usually much more of a someone else’s problem than this.
Hey, door. What’s up? Cool, cool. You ever miss being a tree? Yeah, I get that.
It smells like Salon Selectives and silverfish poison?
It’s fine if you threw it out, you just owe me 78¢.
And I’ll pay you when I have that kind of money lying around.
So make a fake photo album. In my experience, if someone has good pictures and a glue stick, they can make it look like they dunked on Jesus, and some girls will believe it, for, like, 15 years.
I’m like a biscotti. People act like I’m this sweet cookie, but I’m really this super hard thing that nobody knows what I am or why I am.
Hey, other robot guys, let’s go save the sun or whatever.
Oh, no. Now I’ll have to lie down and be left alone.
Are you listing things at me?
I’ve always had help from someone: a nanny or a driver or an iPad taped to a bag of sugar.
I don’t know how to do this. What if it poops?
He loves the big slide at 66th Street ‘cause sometimes nannies fall down it.
♪ Stoop Crone, no loitering please. Stoop Crone, you’re kind of a skeeze. ♪
It’s from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Croon, Crone, Croon! Which was eventually reworked into The Sound of Music.
Don’t be disgusting, (name). It’s from Daddy’s Boy, an innocent musical about a father’s love for his infant son.
You’re dating a nice boy, your one-man show went good, and you got a free piano. This is the best your life has ever gone.
♪ This is just an ordinary day. I’m just an ordinary gay. Which is why I’m talking to you in such an ordinary way. ♪
♪ I am dancing away from you, I am prancing away from you ♪
I was finally able to finish my tell-all book about my boss. It’s called Sippy Cup Rosé and it’s gonna have a shoe on the cover.
I know you haven’t been studying because I found your GED books coated with a day’s worth of asbestos.
Also, try not to breathe in here too much from now on and before.
If all this is about helping (name), then how come your bookmark is this? It’s all right here in your MASH. Apparently you’re gonna live in a shack, drive a Porsche, honeymoon at FAO Schwarz, all with your husband (name).
How does the Kool-Aid Man do this?
So I waited for years in a tiny Murray Hill apartment, not a pot to piss in.
I know you’re tough and you never give up. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just quit and walk away.
Sorry, but giving up isn’t my jam. My jams are grape, jock, and space.
♪ You do not define me, Richard, I cannot be owned. And if I had my way, Richard, I would die alone. Eaten by birds. Digested by birds. Shat out by birds. Alone. ♪
When I was singing before, it didn’t even occur to me that I was happy. I thought it was just gas coming out in a weird way.
Happiness is fleeting, (name), and you fleeted it!
I did it. I’m like a female Mr. Mom.
See what happens when you don’t give up hope? Anything is possible! We should start a band!
I know you were frozen in ice for ten years or whatever…
So great, in fact, I’ll go to the drugstore myself, despite the fact the last time I was in a drugstore was in 2004, and an employee named LaDonica said to me, “Bitch, I don’t know your life.”
So your wife disappeared. It’s just you and no wife right now?
Yes. We are both thinking about not giving up in the exact same way right now.
Who knows you better than I do? We finish each other’s senten… ces.
And wow, this is weird, but I already have an album full of pictures of us.
Me? Your wife thinks she’s hooking up with Neptune!
(Name), I guess I’ll just see you when you have that 78¢ for my scrunchie. You can bring it by whenever.
I’ll let you know how it goes, maybe give you some answers. Abraham Lincoln, potassium, four… that kind of stuff.
You’re not a gown at all, you monster!
Puppy-naming section, go! Dexter, Patches, Reggie! Skip it and come back. Ginger, Winston, Beemer!
I don’t go to where you work and tell you to wake me up.
Give the mannequin its arm back.
I just… I don’t like giving up on stuff. I still want Nickelodeon to take over my school.
You’re like one of those ladies who go to Montreal, and then, suddenly, everything is about Montreal.
(Name), the sooner you quit something that stinks, the sooner you can find something that doesn’t. Save your hope for that.
Maybe you’ll marry (name), maybe you’ll break up. Maybe you’ll live together for decades, but then he’ll die first of an awful brain disease.
Is that from Gangly Orphan Jeff, the ill-fated musical that opened six days after Annie?
♪ Keep a dream in your heart and you’ll never ever, want for more. Unless you’re in a knife fight. ♪
♪ Spit in the eye of the folks who can’t stop laughing, at the stupid things you’ve done. ♪
A big thank you to the sterek fandom, for every fic & fan art & video, to every artist, every sterek blog that shares & reblogs & keeps sterek alive, a big thank you for existing & proving that love & good things exist in the world, you’re all my family & I love you bc sterek in itself as well as every shipper out there are my reason to live
“ if i leave and my patient dies, it’s not me who will suffer. it is his
mother, his sisters, his friends, his wife…and they will hate me. with
everything inside them, they will hate me and you and everyone here
because they won’t understand why he is gone; why people always leave.
why everyone you give a crap about walks away or is ripped from your
world without warning, without reason, in convenience stores and plane
crashes and podunk hospitals with podunk doctors who don’t do what they
are supposed to do, which is save people! ”