this post is HIDEOUSLY long, so if you want to reblog it for one or two points, feel free (in fact, i encourage you) to snip out all but the relevant bits.
before i get into the credits animation itself, a couple notes:
- some people have mentioned this already, but… i wanted to reiterate that in the scene in johns bedroom in the pre-credits, the “camera” (as in: we, the audience) are standing in the exact spot john was on the first page. i dont think the cut to the phone on the bed to transition into the credits ruins this, either, since… john was looking in that direction on the first page! were standing in his shoes, seeing angles of his room that weve never seen, but he has. and, of course, the rest of the flash is using the exact ambient track from homestucks “title page”, and instead of leading john out of his room and out into his lawn we are moving in the inverse. a perfect bookend.
- ascend is absolutely the perfect track for this animation (i keep wanting to say “flash”, but were not in flash any more, are we? flash doesnt exist any more, if thats even what this was animated in; its called adobe animate now). i loved everything on volume 10, and there were a lot of tracks that would be suited to a traditional credit roll - conclude, renewed return, thanks for playing, even some tracks off older albums like the remaining tracks off symphony impossible to play. but none of them would fit the mood. first off, its kids talking through snapchat, so… obviously an orchestral number isnt going to cut it. dubstep it is. its appropriately epic, but its also feel-good party music. i had a LOT of complaints about the music used for act 7… this one is right on the money.
- also did you know that the flintstones theme is in ascend? it is true. right around 4:36. a shoutout to silvagunner, presumably. i will say it is absolutely flawlessly incorporated (i didnt notice until it was pointed out to me) and a great spiritual successor to toby fox using the king of the hill theme song in the blind prophet.
the credits themselves:
- kanaya is actually tearing up
holding one of the first grubs. the human kid to the front is
definitely a rose/jade baby (roses bangs+hair color, jades everything
else), the one to the far right is identical to the jake/roxy baby dirk
drew early in act 6, the one to the far left… definitely a strider
baby from the face and the sideburns, im gonna say dave/jane bc it kinda
looks like her hair. in homestuck hairstyles are genetic
- oh yeah thats DEFINITELY a rose/jade baby. she even has roses hairband lmao. in homestuck hairstyles are genetic. dave/jane baby is wearing sunglasses too gotta set em up early
- oh man, new baby. looks like a dirk/roxy baby? The Secret Fifth Strilonde. since they have a seadweller baby & no seadweller ectoslime im assuming this is the product of the matriorb somehow? also LOOK AT KARKAT, HES SMILING, HES TRYING SO HARD TO PRETEND TO BE MAD BUT HE IS SO HAPPY
- fuck you im going to figure out all of them. the one at the front… could be any combination of john/jake and the strilondes, but im betting its either dirk or dave (not for gay reasons, just look how fuckin sharp that hair is.) its parted like daves but the back looks like dirks… eh i guess it doesnt matter. a couple rows back, im gonna say dirk/i feel like its probably jade fsr? on the right is definitely a roxy baby, probably johns since it has his bangs. next row back, impossible to tell but its definitely one of janes bc of the glasses. second row from the back: a baby with jades bangs+cowlick; a baby with… what looks like a hairband but i cant be sure? and janes bangs, so im banking on jane/rose; a baby with jades hair and square glasses (not necessarily implying incest, just maleness, since Boys Get Square Glasses)…. and in the very back row we have, to the right, what looks like daves hair, and closer to the left what is most DEFINITELY dirks progeny, look at that hair, jesus. no clue who the other parent is.
- since dave renounced time travelling, im willing to bet this is his first time doing so since collide… and maybe his last time ever.
- this looks like the scene we saw in act 7.
- the kids (and presumably the trolls, since karkats in the photo) are ACTUALLY revered as gods.
- OH THANK GOD THE SPRITES ARE ALIVE.
i do… have some questions about the “kingdom”, though. homestuck
pretty solidly established the evils of monarchy and the virtues of
democracy, right? we dont need any more kings or queens. im betting this
is a crystal tokyo situation - wvs monarchy is still in place, but the
kids are celebrity figureheads.
- rose and kanaya are Known Gays so im ASSUMING the juxtaposition is hussie telling us “callioxy is canon” without actually saying so.
- THEYRE HOLDING HANDS, CONFIRMED
- what the fuck is happening here? you know what im just going to go ahead and say theyre at pride. consorts are gay.
- jades face…. jake put down that gun karkats not god tier
- matt mcconaughcake is well and truly killing me
- dirk is just as sick of the decapitation joke as we are. look at his posture. this is a “looks at the camera like im on the office” shot
- absolutely everybody has talked about the rosemarriage so im not going to. look how happy they are, though.
- i am LOVING calliopes cute little dress. and dads suit. a hat for every occasion
- as i posted before the tricksters are doing the horah, a jewish folk dance. also, were trickster mode under what i assume is an appropriate situation - its a wedding, youre SUPPOSED to be partying, so obviously this is going over better than in the middle of Hell Death Game. johns trickster mode is old news, but daves looks like a canonization of an old popular fan design. jades nowhere in sight but i assume shes taking the picture. also, beta kids get kirby-style blush stickers rather than cherubian swirls. is… is dirk smiling?
- so i saw this shot and i wasnt going to comment on it. like its cute, haha, karkat cant fly and hes angry about it, but theres not much to say. until it transferred into the next shot, which is a snap from dirks account, what i can only assume is a direct response to daves snap. and i realized, that what dave had typed in his initial snap was, “bro check it out”, which means, that dave is calling dirk bro now, oh my god, im having an aneurysm
- OK THIS IS….
obviously this is communicating a lot of character & relationship
development from a shot of Dirk Socking Jake In The Face. when last we
left off dirk and jake they werent on speaking terms, their relationship
had collapsed because dirk was too overbearing and intimidating and
jake couldnt handle it and shut down. and we did finally see them talk
to each other in the pre-act 7 pages, although we didnt get a sense of
what their conversation was about. so we knew they were on speaking
terms, but a breakup that rough is obviously gonna leave aftershocks.
but here theyre… in a fistfight with each other. what? oh yes. what
were seeing isnt just a full reconciliation, were seeing a friendship(?)
thats even stronger than it was pre-sburb. dirk and jake arent
just getting along well enough to talk to each other - theyre getting
along well enough to get in a fistfight with each other. which is what jake wanted all along - a bro to get into friendly fisticuffs with. this is basically confirmed by the next shot - dirk wiped the floor with jake, but jake is having a laugh about it.
- jesus, theres so much here i gotta go into sub-bullet points. think about what this says about dirk, too - remember his last major conversation in all of homestuck? that long, long, drawn-out, several-dozen-page conversation with dave? where dave told him, point blank and in no uncertain words, that dirks tendency towards aggression and ruthlessness and attraction to conflict hurts people. dirk, at the end of homestuck, is more aware of his flaws than hes ever been, and hes trying to fix himself - which sounds sad, but its not, because its something hes working through with the support of his friends. dirk, who at the end of homestuck was so hyper-aware of his tendency to hurt people that he closed himself off from his friends altogether, is now at peace with himself enough to get in a fistfight with jake - and not go easy on him, either, since jake gets his ass pretty soundly whooped.
- theres also the englishbot, which… im not sure what to make of it? the
only thing i can think of is that the kids havent fought le, and they
INTEND to sometime in the future, so dirk and jake put this together for
training. but thats… not a very happy ending, and it goes against
just about everything else were seeing here: these kids are happy,
theyre free, theyre happily living out the rest of the youth sburb stole
from them. so i dont believe theyre going to go back and fight le.
anyway look at gcatavross smug fuckin face.
- john likes con air again! we saw him go from a 13-year-old with a wholesome, earnest, and what most would consider embarrassing love for a mediocre 90s action flick, to a moody 15-year-old who was so angry and upset that his nostalgia had inflated the movie to more than it was objectively worth that he had a fucking meltdown over it (granted there were more factors to his emotional episode than con air not being very good - but con air was the trigger)… and now, finally, on his 18th birthday he found love in his heart for it again. it reminds me of a 17-year-old swamp wizard who was so high on homestuck fumes he stayed up all night on 10/25/2011 to watch cascade on a school night and evangelized homestuck to anyone who would listen, who grew up into a 19-year-old college swamp wizard who was increasingly disappointed by the direction of act 6 to the point of dropping his following of new updates entirely, who is now a 22-year-old swamp wizard who is so high on homestuck fumes he stayed up all night on 10/25/2016 on a work night writing a post about homestuck. its relatable, is what im saying. homestuck is con air.
- JOHN AND ROSE AND DAVE AND JADE ARE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER, AND ALSO, ROSE AND JADE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER AS WELL
- dirk and jade are arguing about anime. i believe this and so it is true.
- hussie has just GOT to make sure we know that nepeta is dead for good.
- i feel like i should say something about terezis vriskaquest, but again, thats something that ppl much more invested and knowledgeable in terezi and vriskas respective arcs have written about than me, so ill stick to what i am good at, which is: human kids, and the gays therein
- ok. this is… is jane the mayor now? (oh, god forbid, is wv dead?) or is this just a mantle shes assuming for the ribbon-cutting ceremony, of what is…
- HER OWN COMPANY? this is the ultimate resolution of nannas arc… while beta jake ran away and was free to adventure and fuck movie stars and not only amassing a fortune but inheriting the corporation that by all rights should have been janes, jane was stuck (at home, if you will) under the condesces abuse and had to settle for marrying a nice man, having a kid, and opening a little joke shop. she was happy, but it wasnt all she could have been. now jane - different, but the same - gets to helm the corporation that bears the crocker name, wearing a snazzy fuckin suit, and presumably also while being a lesbian. a real boss butch business bitch.
- which doesnt mean jake doesnt also get to be a cream faced business boy. in fashionable business shorts.
- JAKE ENGLISH DOES IT AGAIN: REALITY S(TAR?) BILLION(AIRE?) interview etc etc etc. so jake isnt just a rich business mogul but he also has a reality show. i am presuming it is some sort of crocodile hunter deal where he wrestles big animals on television, because the alternative is that he is like donald trump, which is the nightmare timeline. karkat is flipping him off for some reason. he just hates that juicy behind so very much.
- “jakes ass is on tv again lol” for quote of the century, also, karkat is still angry. dave looks like hes… eating chips? maybe fruit? theres a pixel of green at the top, but maybe thats just a background artifact
- rose has a new shirt.
- dirk and jake are together for this shot even though there is ABSOLUTELY no narrative need for the photographer to be jake in particular, weve already clarified that jake and dirk have resolved their issues, like they are the Kings Of Consort Island Or Whatever but surely you could show dirk interacting with someone else; anyway we only have to assume theyre living together since thats what all the other kings & queens are doing which has got me thinking…. its got me thinking…..
- ive been staring at this shot for a good minute and a half trying to figure out if thats a smile on dirks face or not. its got me thinking
- THEYRE HUGGING AND ARE 100% CONFIRMED BIG OLE LESBIANS WHO ARE IN LOVE
- jesus kids youre getting photographed for the newspaper cant you wear something a LITTLE nicer than, like, A TEE SHIRT
- who is taking this picture.
- i can tell you this is the exact moment where i started crying for real and a sob heaved out of my horrible body
- and it only got so much worse here. oh, ive seen it already and AGAIN i am tearing up. jesus god in heaven.
- ok, i dont actually use snapchat very often (im old.) so i had to google if these emojis mean anything. and they do!
- baby indicates that caliborn only just added john, probably to dump on him.
- fire emoji (dave, karkat and jade) indicates that john has snapped back and forth with that person every day for the number of days indicated.
- pink hearts are best friends - john sends more snaps to dave than anybody else, and dave sends more to john than anybody else.
- grimace says that… karkat ALSO sends more snaps to dave than he sends to anybody else. because, they are gay and in love.
- smiles (jade, rose, terezi, roxy, jane) indicate best friends, but not #1.
- sunglasses (kanaya, dirk) indicates a mutual best friend. (gonna take a SHOT IN THE DARK here and say its probably rose and dave/roxy, respectively.)
- smirk (jake) indicates… jake is sending john a lot of snaps, but john is not sending very many back. oof.
- heres your gamzee you tools. exactly where you were told he would be. now please shut up about him forever.
- ok whats killing me about this is that lil seb is like, waving… hes having a good time…. hes just saying hello
- ok, what the hammer smash reads as to me is: this is confirmation that john & co. are not going to fight lord english. they are done with his shenanigans. they have found happiness. they are free from sburb, free of any obligations to the alpha timeline or to anyone.
and english cant come after them! caliborns threat is empty. he cant reach them here - they are, like every act 7 interpretation post ever has said, outside of the narrative. sure, this video is being shown on mspaintadventures.com… but its not being told to us by a narrator. its not inside the “frame” of mspa, not even in an altered way the way act 7 was.
the medium of snapchat is important because the KIDS are sharing these stories, with each other and with us, the audience! instead of being a voyeuristic party to suffering as controlled by a narrator (first hussie, and then english by way of his control over the alpha timeline), we are invited by these kids to see these moments of happiness in their lives. theyre taking the pictures, theyre writing the commentary. this is all under their control. and caliborn - even though he now has complete control of the narrative of homestuck… is still trapped in that very narrative. the kids are outside it, and they are sharing the world they are making with us.