i could listen to her speak bad german for days tbh

dear evan hansen headcannons

EVAN:
- bisexual

- 5'10

- he tends to do things like tap his pencil or his foot or he plays with erasers or some shit he’s just always doing something with his hands

- has those erasers with removable pieces because “THEY’RE CUTE CONNOR I LOVE THEM”

- freckles. more freckles after a day in the sun. freckles everywhere.

- has a bonsai tree

- DRIVES LIKE A GRANDMA

- actually really fit because of his outdoor activities??

- lifted connir off of the ground like he was a feather and everyone was Shocked

- “THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE EVER LIFTED ME” “oh mY GOD CONNOR”

- LOVES TO BAKE BUt kind of sucks at it

- afraid of big dogs. and fluffy dogs. and dogs with big eyes and long tails and legs and just dogs. he’s scared of dogs.

- cheesy romantic. reads romance books and watches romantic movies and just. my boy.

- when he’s feeling down he goes to connor because they can trust each other because of the one thing they have in common - the suicide attempts.

- dyed a streak of his hair blue for halloween one time and made connor cry

- CONFIDENT DRUNK

- got high once and laughed for seven minutes straight before passing out

- has a burn scar on his back from when jared set him on fire by accident

- learns to do hair because he likes touching connors hair

- he maybe likes connors dog a little bit

- “i may seem collected on the outside but on the inside i am screaming 24/7.”


CONNOR:
- borderline personality disorder !!!!

- sees a therapist and takes medication

- he honestly went through ten therapists before deciding to go with evan to his therapist

- has a pitbull named cheese that his mom got him to help calm him down when he snaps

- still a dick every now and then but he’s Trying

- 6'0"

- panseuxal

- is literally. always napping. he sleeps on the ground. on his desk. on evan. anywhere.

- paints his nails when he’s high with 100% accuracy but fails when he’s sober

- “ZOE HOW DO YOU USE EYELINER”

- LOVES sweets. needs them. craves them.

- literally cries over evan’s freckles like what

- sarcastic as all hell

- he and jared’s friendship is just a race to see who can roast the other faster

- draws on himself constantly until he has literal sleeves of designs on his arms. then he moves to drawing on his friends.

- alana buys him a sketchbook when she wakes up with white sharpie printed on her face

- he draws the most AMAZING scenery and designs

- probably wants to be a tattoo artiat

- always records himself when he’s high

- new bruises and cuts every day - he bumps into things a lot when he’s high

- he gets his first piercing from a dude in an alley. it’s a septum piercing. everyone screams when they see it.

- hates pepe

- comments on how gay he is every day.

- still has bad days and when he does he locks himself in his room and calls evan

- evan’s talk of trees got him into plants. owns seven cactuses, a pot full of forget-me-nots and three succulents with names and backstories.

- “i will shove my foot so far up your ass you’ll be tasting leather and shit for the rest of your pathetic life you wrinkly numbnut”


ZOE:
- still having trouble forgiving her brother for all the years of mental abuse

- 5'10

- lesbian af

- makeup that could literally kill a god

- likes to wear crops tops and dresses

- wears sweatpants to school ONCE and is reminded of it every day for the rest of her life

- literally a huge photography nerd

- has EVERY PICTURE SHES EVER TAKEN hanging on her wall. even that ugly ass one of connor screaming over titanic when they were thirteen.

- probably does yoga

- dreams of going to paris. can literally speak in french and owns literally everything with the eiffel tower on it.

- replies to everything in meme language. her parents are worried for her. connor wants to die again.

- has a poem alana wrote to her on her wall next to her bed

- so many pictures of alana

- HANGED A PEPE PICTURE IN THE SHOWER ONCE THAT MADE CONNOR SCREAM WHEN HE SAW IT

- likes to draw constellations with evan’s freckles on his face

- literally has not combed her hair since fourth grade?? its just naturally perfect???

- “im gayer than you connor”

- SWEARS LIKE A SAILOR WHEN SHE BUMPS INTO SOMETHING

- so much emoji’s

- steals all of alana’s hoodies


ALANA:
- hates not having anything to do so much

- 5'6"

- in every school club tbh

- also a lesbian

- a journalist/writer

- literally stays up until 2 am every day and comes to school looking like a goddess

- GOD IS SHE SMART

- she probably tutors everyone

- “what’s the answer to this problem alana” “hella”

- BIG HAPPY SMILES

- can kill you in two seconds with The Look

- READS SEVEN BOOKS A DAY

- probably listens to asmr

- totally has tumblr

- LITERALLY SHINES BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN

- feminist. not a feminazi, will make jokes about women being in the kitchen with jared but will stab you if you are genuinely against women’s rights

- attempts to do yoga with zoe once. she breaks her nose.

- SHE’S A MESS. HER WORK STATION IS JUST FULL OF CRUMPLED PAPERS AND PENS AND COFFEE MUGS.

- likes to do diys.

- “ZOE I DID A DIY FACE MASK AND I CANT GET IT OFF”

- once punched a man for a klondike bar

- “sorry im two hours late feminism called”


JARED:
- panromantic asexual!!!!!

- 5'4"

- a gaming youtuber

- actually somehow has like 1,000 followers???

- everyone has been in his videos at least once

- EATS A BATH BOMB ON CAMERA

- every birthday connor buys him a bath bomb and screams “CRONCH” in his face

- enjoys really cringey memes

- has a german shepard named Sir Titlicker

- “EVAN SIR TITLICKER WILL NOT EAT YOU”

- once tripped on a bug

- he’s actually self conscious and hides behind self deprecating jokes

- threw a dreidel at the menorah once when he was little and is still not allowed near the menorah

- soft chub legs

- much Sarcasm

- literally is so sarcastic with connor??? they like each other but sometimes even evan wonders if they actually like each other or not

- probably enjoys nickelback

- HUGE SUBWAY FAN. WOULD SHOVE SUBWAY UP HIS ASS FOR FREE.

- likes star wars probably

- wore a shirt that said “im a gamer” once

- “burn that shirt now” “EVAN WHAT THE FUCK”

- actually cried when he played slenderman with Evan

- “are you ok” “IS HE GONE EVAN IS HE GONE” “yes” /looks up and sees slenderman appear “WHDBANFBJDJSBSDH” /evan is wheezing

- makes dirty jokes 24/7 but literally blushes for 9 years if you make a dirty joke towards him

- actually Fragile

- in a cult probably

- probably has a runescape series on his YouTube channel

- has set evan on fire before

- he tries to be a good friend he really dies but he fails sometimes

- “are you a nail baby because ill hammer you into the wall tonight ;)"