I’ve been having another moment of self reflection. I tend to get these a lot. Anyways, I sometimes feel like I do what I do for the wrong reasons.
When I first made this blog, it was to celebrate and gush over the awesomeness that is the Hannibal series as well as the hannigram ship. Now? I hardly talk about the show and I rarely draw hannigram. It’s always gotta include Adam Towers somehow and everything just amounts to what could be compared to me saying “hey guys look at my OCs!”. At least that’s the picture that voice of doubt paints in my mind. I know this fandom is full of AUs and headcanons so I shouldn’t doubt myself.
Also, I sometimes wonder if I’m doing this for me or if I’m doing this for everyone else. For popularity. I feel like I’ve gone so far off track with everything and it’s affecting me in a not so great way. I draw Hannitowers and Double Helix because I enjoy it. I DO draw it for me, but there’s always that voice of doubt again saying “why bother it’s never going to pick up as much steam as Hannigram or any other popular ship” or “why bother you’re just going to alienate some people” and I shouldn’t feel that way. I should be drawing it simply because i love it and not care if it’s popular or not. I just live to please others so once I start deviating away from that and start doing what I want to do i feel selfish and I feel like it will never be as good. I don’t know why I’m like this.
Sorry if none of y'all wanted to see this. I just felt the need to kinda just pour out my thoughts. I’m sure I’ll get over it in time.