Can I just tell you how much you're appreciated and loved
So here’s the thing. I try my best to keep my personal shit off my blog right. I feel like my blog should be a happy place full of ships and art and prompts. Then I have days. I call them bad days. It’s not actually that anything has happened, it’s just that on my bad days (though it’s been more like a bad few months tbh) anyway on my bad days I have more trouble with my invasive thoughts and with my anxiety and with even making myself get out of bed for christ sake. It gets so bad even my sensory tricks don’t work. Normally I can shower and I feel calmer. Today I showered for a ridiculous amount of time and in the end I got so sick of shaking and crying that I forced myself to get clean and get out and it felt like a waste of time.
So here I am, still feeling super shitty, and then this lovely anon comes along. Like I kinda know in my brain that people appreciate my answers and advice but to hear it direct? I fucking cried ok? I don’t miraculously feel better but it eased some of the pressure and I can’t even express what that means to me.
I try and keep my misery guts crap to a minimum on my blog for obvious reasons but any time my depression and anxiety creep through onto my blog I get this reaction. Dozens of kind words, hugs, offers to talk and messages like this that tell me I’m valued and I cannot even explain how much I appreciate that gesture…
It’s weird to think how much can change in a year. This time last year i had 800 followers, a completely different url and completely different way of interacting with people. It’s weird to think how much the phandom has done for me, and it’s weIRD AS HECK to think that there are 10 people following me, let alone 10,000
The last time I made a follow forever/mention post was when I hit 1k, and it was full of people I really admired but didn’t really talk to. This time, instead of doing a follow forever, I’m going to do some honourable mentions. These people are my friends, or the people who always send me messages and encouraging things when I’m sad, or people who’s art and creativity inspires me, or just people who’s blogs are fREaKING aWESOME. All of you are absolutely amazing and I just wanted to make sure you knew I appreciate what you do!
I’m so so thankful that 10,000 people decided they wanted to watch me cry over Dan and Phil here on Tumblr, and I’m so glad I’ve gotten the opportunity to really get to know and value the community here. I love all of you so much, thank you xx