D&D Shenanigans: How My Players Got An Inn At Level 3
So I DM a party of four, and they’re all of chaotic/lawful alignments, split down the middle for neutral/evil. Coupled with that they’re all smartasses in and out of character. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. But every now and then, their fuckery will give gems like this:
So my party, a lizardfolk bard, a tiefling witchhunter, an aasimar paladin, and a human cleric, arrive in the human city Folasade, they see the queen who basically hires them as mercenaries and then go to a high-class inn called the “White Stag Inn.” Where they introduce themselves and make it clear they are guests of the queen and are then served food by a very nervous barkeep.
Little do they know that he’s so nervous because he has poisoned their food. And when they realize that, the witchunter (who is SO trigger happy that I have had to rewrite encounters so they’re less likely to murder the crucial NPCs) shoots the barkeep while he begs for his life. They then question the cook, and shoot him too, while he also begs for his life.
Now I’m not sure what I expected them to do after this point, maybe start the quest that the cook laid out for them before dying? But that is not what they did, what they did, was take all the money out of the cash register.
Then they hid the bodies.
Then, they said they were going to find the deed.
They wanted to take ownership of the inn
Okay, unexpected, but sure, there’s a deed somewhere in the inn, but it’s in a lockbox in a locked room with very very good locks. If they can get to that deed, then fine, they can have the inn, but the DC is WAY too high for level 3 players to get it without a nat 20 probably.
Here’s what I forgot.
One of my players is really good at breaking the game while not technically breaking any rules. Really good. Which player was this? The bard. You know what stats they broke?
Dex and charisma.
So my unpickable locks proved to be nothing. They were rolling above 20 at level fucking 3. I could see them roll and then count on their fingers what the final roll was, at some point I looked over at their dice to see what the base roll was.
What was the final roll?
They found the deed.
I don’t know. I don’t know how they did it. They explained it to me and I forgot. I was t i r e d.
So they have the deed, I expected them to maybe go to the queen, or go on the quest. But no, they raided the liquor cabinet.
Alright, that’s not TOO out there. So you find liquor. In fact you find LOTS of liquor. It’s a high class place okay. They got it all. Fuck yourselves up while I eat this ding-dong you-
“I cast minor illusion to create a giant flaming skull over the inn.”
“A massive skull forms over the inn, it’s jaw opening in a silent laugh. For a moment it illuminates the houses around you, you heard people scream until it fades-”
“I dO IT AGAIN IT’S A CANTRIP.”
So they did it again, attracting a guard, who they cast vicious mockery on, and runs away screaming.
This was all done by the bard btw, with the witchhunter with them laughing along, while the cleric and the paladin got high in an opium drug den/brothel. Eventually, the bard casted one last spell, that made all animals around the inn fall asleep. Including an owl. Who flew through the window and was then adopted by the witchunter. Who then got so drunk they didn’t remember actually getting the owl and someone else had to explain to them why they woke up with an owl preening their hair.
Anyway, that’s how my party got an owl. And an inn. Which they have to do some SERIOUS PR for because the entire city now thinks it’s haunted.
To which the party replied “Well just the garden!” where they buried the bodies under the sod.