i cant stop cutting

i have 0 realreasonsto live

i am slowly killing myself without even noticing it

i havent eaten a real meal in god knows how long and i havent slept in even longer

im deteriorating before my own eyes and i cant handle it anymore

i dont want my body to kill myself off

id rather do it myself, it b ethe only thing id have any control over anymore honestly

ican hear my blood rushing through my head an i realize that i am alive and i also realize that at this moment i wish for nothing more than to not be 

i cant stop fucking cutting and scratching myself and dear god am i covered in so much blood right now i just want to pass out or even better yet, die

my head hurts a lot and im dizzybut i nt tell if thats from malnutrition or blood loss

who cares

i dont tbh

what a dramtic way to go i suppose

its the only way i can be remembered i guess who knows

my friend just told me my ex is coming to high this year. this is the ex who: told me we cant date if i cut myself, dumped me because i woulnt stop being suicidal, told my mom i wanted to kill myself after dumping me and then continue to be abusive just because i was depressed. omeone shoot me right in the head right in bghg4hrnjenjlddn  the fucking head i cant go to a school where i will have not only one abusive ex, but TWO!!!! 2!!! 

i just ant to fucking cut why cant i stop beng a pussy i want to termy skin apart i cant drin enough to fuckign do it WHY CANT I FUCKING D OIT I WANT TO STAIN MY HSEETS I WANT TO ACHE FOR DAYS WHYY CANT I FUCKIGN DO IT WHY