i cant make anything but sweaters


Tagged by the wonderful and hilarious @darklordtomarry

Would you rather:

1. Go apple picking V.S. Go on a hayride
2. Scary V.S. Sweet
3 Sweaters V.S. Boots (aesthetically I love boots but as far as actually wearing them? Eeeh)
4. Socks V.S. Mittens (seriously cant stand anything on my hands)
5. Bonfires V.S. Football ( Yesssss)
6. Trick or Treating V.S. Watch Scary movies 
7. Apple Pie V.S. Pumpkin Pie
8. Halloween V.S. Thanksgiving 
9. Bake Pie V.S. Bake Cookies (lots of fond memories making cookies with my sis)
10. Rain V.S. Fog 
11. Black Cats V.S. Owls  (My last name is spellman what do you take me for)
12. Ghosts V.S. Wizards 
13. Harry Potter V.S. Halloweentown
14. Go Hiking V.S. Sleep in (torn cause I LOVE hiking but… I rarely hike because I love to sleep in so it pains me but there’s a clear victor here)
15. Cinnamon V.S. Nutmeg (Nutmeg only wins cause I still don’t care for cinnamon :( why tastebuds why)
16. Reading V.S. Writing
17. Hot Chocolate V.S. Tea
18. Live in a Cabin In a Forest V.S. Have it be Fall 24/7
19. Candy Apples V.S. Caramel Apples
20. Blankets V.S. Pillows (but on the other hand pillow fights hmm…)
21. Roasted marshmallows V.S. Roasted Chestnuts
22. Coffee V.S. Apple Cider (eh, it’s a draw though coffee does smell good)
23. Red Leaves V.S. Orange Leaves
24. Braids V.S. Bows
25. Scented Candles V.S. The Smell of Fresh Baked Goods
26. Carve Pumpkins V.S. Make Pumpkin Pie
27. Pumpkin Spice Lattes V.S. Chai Tea Lattes
28. Coats V.S. Oversized Sweaters
29. Beanies V.S. Berets (huh so thats what the floppy hat things are called [berets] another mystery solved. I find beanies low-key amusing so…
30. Candy Corn V.S. Peanut Butter Cups (yeah there’s no question here)
31. S'mores V.S. Apple Crisp (I’ve never had an apple crisp?)
32. Jump In a Pile of Leaves V.S. Swing on a Tire Swing (very close)
33. Corn Maze V.S. Haunted House
34. Bob For Apples V.S. Visit a Pumpkin Patch
35. Whipped Cream on Hot Chocolate V.S. Marshmallows on Hot Chocolate

Tag 5-10 people (no pressure, just do it if you want. If you’re not tagged feel free to do it too, there’s a few more of you I wanted to tag but decided to stick to the guidelines anyhow)

@gdi-bucky @trippingonflatsurfaces @eveiss @dreamingthemelody @kyrilu @acnara @whitepinkdandelions  @obsidianpen (really don’t think this will be your jam but didn’t wanna risk you feeling left out <3) @donthitanybody @nylffn


Anon : CAN U PLEASEEE do about Ash cheating on you FOR TWO MONTHS OMG, but his family (Ann Lauren n Harry) loveeee u so mch and then its up to you! thank u!!!😘

Request : Yes

Author : Bella 

Pairing : YN / Ashton

The day finally come,i wake up in the morning with the biggest smile on my face with lots of joy and lots of adrenaline.I’ve been left for 4 months,waiting at my recently shared house with my long time best friend,Ashton.He’ll be here in just some hours,i’ve prepared everything due to his home coming.I also invited his family for dinner tonight.My screen light up with notifications from my social medias,the fam know me because Ash said that keeping what’s real as a secret isn’t real,so that he decided to make us official year ago when he and the guys had their hometown gig,here at Sydney.At first i was afraid,very afraid that the fam wouldn’t approve our relationship that they will send those hates,but i was wrong there’s just lil of them who send hates but mostly they’re being so sweet and always having my back also Ash’s.I couldn’t ask for more,i’ve got everything.As i make my way downstairs to make some breakfast,i scroll through my twitter just to see lots of people tweeting me about the come back of the lads,asking me what are we gonna do for the 2 months of break and else.I quickly answer some,

Y/T/N : @/ashtonbear idk love! i haven’t met him yet,and we haven’t planned anything yet :p x

Y/T/N : @/irwinatixo babeee you’re being too cute,I’m preparing myself to pick them up,see you at airport then! x

As i finished my breakfast and clean the dish,i get back upstair to our bedroom and plug my phone to the speaker,when the song playing i start to make my bed and look for some clothes to wear to the airport,i cant choose.Everything that i have seemed not good enough.But then,i take out my cream knitted sweater and a blag legging since its kinda chilly here.I take a short shower and get ready for the airport.Still jamming to Just Saying as i drying my hair and continue to do my make up,the song paused and from there i know someone’s calling.

Lauren : Hey sis! You ready?

Y/N : Yeah yeah,just one last touch.Where are you?

Lauren : Almost your house,come on quick!

Y/N : Okayy love.

Lauren : ‘right i’ll see you soon then!

The call ends and i unplug it from the speaker,i take one last look at the mirror and put on my daily lip balm and spray Ash’s favourite perfume of mine.I lock my house door as Ann honk outside,i slide at the backseat with Harry and we’re off to go!

Harry : Y/N !

Y/N : Hey bud! Whatsup? Someone’s really excited yeah?

Harry : I am! I missed him so much,and i can’t wait to see them live again.

Y/N : Aw i know you do,we’re all missed him.

Ann : Is that the sweater i gave you hun?

Y/N : Yeah,it’s so comfortable always been my favourite.

Ann : I know right! It fits you so well,Lauren also has the same as yours.

Y/N : Really? But I never see you wear it sis.

Lauren : I told mom that its kinda out dated,and it doesn’t fit me as good as it fits you.

Y/N : Nah i bet it looks good on you too,we’ll see.

The arrival terminal full of fam that also waiting for the mega stars,5 Seconds Of Summer.I can see Joy and David sitting with some girls surround them,as we walk into them the fam also coming to us asking for some pictures which i okay with,we chat for awhile until a woman from the speaker announced that the flight has just landed,we all know.The security team start their job to make some way for the lads and escorting us inside to the baggage claim.Lauren and I walk in together still having our fun girl talk.I wait for awhile,having my eyes to those people from immigration and phone in my hand where Ash just texted me saying that he’s finally home.I can feel lots of butterflies in my stomach,i think I’m having zoo in it,i don’t know.

Oh Sweet Jesus! I can see that high quiff from Luke queueing at the immigration line and Calum on the other,and my love just walked off the immigration counter,he smile widely when we lock our eyes,i can’t hold my tear,i ran to him and he immediately drop his bag and has his open arms to welcome me,i hug him super tight because I’m too afraid that he’ll be gone when i let go.I sob in neck,his arms wrapped around me and swinging me around as he let out some cute giggles.

Ash : Babyyyy!! I missed you so much! No,are you crying?

Y/N : I missed you too,lot.Oh my God,is this even real? You’re here! 

Ash : Im here,its real.See? Im real,hush now no cry cry.

Lauren : Ashton!!!! 

Ash : Princess!! Ahhh come here love!

Lauren : I missed you!

Ash : I missed you too you don’t even know that,i got some stuffs for you!

Lauren : Yas!!!

Harry : Hi bro! You’re back

Ash : Yeah buddy! Glad to be home.How you doing?

Ann : Ashton Fletcher,thank God you’re back! How are you?

Ash : Im good mom,i missed you.

The walk we have to the car not as short as we had earlier since now we have Ashton Irwin with us,the girls just too much but they’re all so nice and chill so we don’t have to be pulled away by the security,they give lots of gifts and letters and i can’t wait to open it up when we’re home.


Its been a month since the come back of the him.He stayed at studio a little longer,go to Luke’s house a little often,guys night out a little too much,and eyes on the phone a little too bright.Im not jealous just eager.Was 4 months not enough to spend with the lads?

It’s almost 5 in the morning,and I’m still on the couch watching some stupid action movies with my pillow and blanket waiting for him to come home because i just can’t sleep without him.It’s been awhile that i sleep late because he spent a little too much at the club and come home drunk as hell.This night is the same,even worse.I’m so fed up,he never text me about what what time he’ll be home,at this stage a text with “fuck you” is better than nothing at all.

When i unlocked my phone to call him,i can hear the sound of his keys trying to open the door,i get off the couch and get the door.I can see his bloodshot eyes,messy hair,the smell of alcohol filled the entire room.But he’s not drunk,he never get drunk.

Y/N : Jesus Ash,where have you been?

Ash : Out with Calum,why are you not sleeping?

Y/N : Are you sure you was with Calum? He and Luke came here and asked where was you.

Ash : What? Oh i must be drunk,but i supposed i was out with Calum and some friends of mine.

Y/N : You never drunk Ash.Are you sure you have nothing to tell me?

Ash : Nope im positive baby,now lets go to bed,i know we’re both tired.

Ashton went to the bathroom to clean himself up and i slip under the blanket waiting for him.But when i locked my phone,i can see his phone light up,a text.Because my curiosity and the anxiety that has been attacking me lately,i crawl to his side just to see who was the early texter.


There,my worst nightmare.The one that i’ve been avoid,the one that i always try to forget,and fight.The thought of her and Ash is just sickening.And here they are texting.

Are you home yet? x

Thanks for the great night,i love you.

See you tomorrow baby <3

The door clicked open,and i caught him staring at me,wide eyes.

Ash : What are you doing?

Y/N : You’re with her all this time.

Ash : Who is her? What are you talking about?

Y/N : Ashton,you definitely know what was i talking about.How long?

Ash : No Y/N it was just a reunion nothing more.

Y/N : Oh.

Ash : Oh?

Y/N : Yeah,i guess i know why are you acting weird all this time,because of her.Right? Ash,if only you know,i’m pregnant.

With his shocked face i grab my car keys and phone and leave the house.

If you’re interested for part 2 tell me!! I have lots of scenarios in my mind already! 

Enjoy xx


I’ve been seeing a lot of people posting in #figureisnoteverything and #allbodiesarebeautiful and I was really inspired to post my own little bit too. As someone who had hated their body for at least 10 years, its really nice seeing body positivity posts every now and again.
For years and years of my life, I absolutely hated myself. I had kids growing up that would ask me “You’re so skinny, are you anorexic?” and I would laugh. “No” I would say “I just hate myself” I would think. I couldn’t look at myself naked in the mirror until last year (I’m not talking a year ago, I mean 2014 in general maybe 7-8 months ago) without seeing a disgusting dirty cage and all the places I was touched by unwelcome hands from years and years of constant daily abuse and molestation. It took 7 years of therapy to learn to love myself, to see my body as my own, a clean canvas for me to cover with art and paint and anything I want to, anything that makes me happy. 
I still have days when I don’t like my breasts, when I feel dysphoric and disassociate until I cant feel my own arms moving, but those days grow smaller, and I’ve stopped wearing frumpy sweaters so much, I don’t see my thighs and stomach as foreign ground, and I cut and dye my hair whenever I feel like it, to suit my mood and show off and see my body as the beautiful temple it is. I don’t see my ribs protruding so much anymore and my knees aren’t so knobby. My thighs touch!!! I’m still on my way to gaining weight and being healthy, but I’m healing. I’m alive and I’m okay.
I was shaking, trying to take these pictures, and I’m still nervous about this now, but. Damn. I’m fucking cute. I’ve conquered so much bullshit. My story deserves to be heard too.