i cant live like this anymore

Guys help I’m emotional

So I wrote a thing- Its a Langst thing.

It isnt finished and its just in the ‘summarize’ stage but… I dont know if I should expand on it?

Read it under the cut if you wantttt

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how jack and davey accidentally (and then not) ended up spending all their valentines days together

February 14th 2014


will u hate me if i ask if ur free rn

why would i hate you

i dont want to assume

happy v day

wow jack

i’m actually on two dates right now

mrs doubtfire style

what’s up

she dumped me

on the phone

half an hour ago

come over

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i cant even say that i wanna live as a dog on this website anymore without being bombarded with messages telling me that i must be a furry. like no binch, i just wanna live a comfortable life with no job and no responsabilities there’s no kink going into it.

What if... PLL Predictions

These are my “what ifs” about what could happen in the following episodes of PLL. These predictions could be far from the truth, as some are pretty outrageous, but oh well! I had fun writing it and i hope you have fun reading it. Tell me your thoughts!

What if … Bethany Young is alive and she is A.D. 

What if … She is also Mary’s child. My theory is that Mary had twins. She had two baby girls, yet, one of those babies went to the Hastings and the other went to an Adoption Agency, in which in the following days or years, she was adopted by the Young family. 

What if . . . the body found a year later was the Avery girl that lived in the town next door. Her friends think they cant hang out with her anymore because she has been living in a mental institution since Sarah Harvey “died,” but really, she was killed (I don’t know if this would happen lol – but it would a cool twist) 

What if … Mary assumes that the Hastings adopted both of the twins. Mary assumes that Melissa and Spencer are the twins. This is why she was hinting at the fact that they looked like twins and that when she entered the Hasting’s house, she asked, “where are THEY?” instead of “Where is she?” However, the Hastings never knew about that Mary delivered twins, or else, I feel like Veronica and Peter would have adopted the second baby as well.

What if … all along Melissa has known about Spencer’s twin and that she has been protecting Spencer from the very beginning. She found out possibly by overhearing talks between Mary and Peter.  

Yes, Melissa buried Bethany Young on purpose.

What if … Melissa buried Bethany Young, but for different reasons. I don’t think the reason why Melissa buried Bethany Young alive was protecting Spencer for hitting her with a shovel; rather, I think she found Bethany Young on the ground – nearly dead – and she buried her alive to protect Spencer from knowing the truth about her twin sister. 

What if … Melissa stopped hating Spencer and started to protect her. For many years Melissa saw Spencer in a horrible way. Melissa (from the earlier seasons) saw Spencer as her adopted sister who came from a crazy family: the Drake family. Melissa was mean and competitive with Spencer until Cece Drake came into town. Melissa got protective over Spencer because Melissa found Cece Drake very threatening. Melissa got paranoid that Cece Drake would threaten the truth. If Melissa knew Spencer was adopted and Spencer has a twin, I’m sure Melissa knew that Cece Drake was related to her as well. Melissa tried her best to protect Spencer and to protect her family as well.

What if … Melissa dies at the end. I have a feeling that Melissa might die. Bethany Young – A.D, Spencer’s twin, or whoever – will kill her and it will be really tragic because after all this time she has been protecting her sister, Spencer, from day one.

What if … Bethany Young became fascinated with Alison and her friends. She dyed her hair blonde out of desperately wanting to be Alison ( I doubt this will happen but ya never know haha), Bethany Young never knew about her birth mother, Mary, or her real father, Peter. Like Spencer, she thought her real family was the Young Family. According to the show, Jessica Dilaurentis was sleeping with Mr. Young and Jessica Dilaurentis was taking Bethany Young to the stables to ride horses and forcing her to call her “Aunt Jessie.” Bethany hated Jessica for trying to make this relationship between them. Yet, for Jessica, she knew that this was her niece and for this, she was making an effort to get to know the Young family (possibly a little too much haha), as well as trying to take care of her like she was her own daughter (giving her clothes etc). 

What if . . . Charlotte lied, yet only about one thing. She was the one who pushed Marion off of the building but blamed Bethany for doing it. Jessica Dilaurentis made certain Charles/Charlotte got away with it because technically Charlotte was legally HER child. Bethany Young felt betrayed by “Aunt Jessie” for taking sides with crazy Charlotte, thus she drew those pictures of Mrs. D with devils horns and the word “liar” all over her face. She escaped that night. Charlotte might have saw the pictures and thus, thought she escaped to go kill her mom, Mrs. D, so Charlotte escaped too, hoping to stop/kill Bethany beforehand. But Bethany was never going to kill Mrs. D. – rather, she was going to meet Alison, like she said she wanted to do in the letters. Charlotte “found” Bethany and “killed” her with a rock – but like we know already, but it wasn’t Bethany… in fact, it was Alison. 

What if . . . Bethany saw Spencer and Alison fighting that night and at that moment that she REALIZED that she has an identical twin (haha). And then sometime after that, Mona hits her, thinking she was Alison, she is on the ground unconscious. And then Melissa comes by sees Spencer’s crazy twin presumably “dead” on the ground and then Melissa buries her alive, hoping that Spencer never finds the truth about Mary or her twin sister, Bethany. (Yikes. I know.) Again, she is protecting Spencer as well as her family’s reputation. 

What if . . . Bethany is pulled out of the dirt by some character (there have been two scenes of someone pulling someone out of the dirt. We know that Ali and Mrs. Grundleward was definitely one of them, and possibly it was showed twice, but I believe that Bethany was pulled out of the dirt as well. (I’m thinking Wilden pulled her out. But it could be Wren, Archer, Mary, or Jenna? or Garret? I don’t have all of the evidence to form a theory for that one just yet.)

What if … Bethany has been “hiding in plain sight” since that night, by using masks. She stalks the Hastings Family and the Dilaurentis family, as well as the girls. Her motive since season 1 has been to understand where she has come from, as well as understand Alison and her friends.

What if … A.D. has only been A since Charlotte’s Death. Though, Bethany has been possibly doing A-like things for many seasons, as she has been trying to figure out her family. Yet, she just recently became the new A.

What if … A.D. stands for Alison Dilaurentis. It is her initials that Alison would sign off to the letters that she wrote to Bethany. Bethany has always been fascinated with A.D. possibly because Alison had the family and all the friends. Alison was also BFF with her twin sister, Spencer; a relationship to which Bethany could never have.

What if … Bethany became A.D. because it was time for “endgame.”

What if … Bethany is Black Widow. And famously tweeted by Marlene King,

What if … “endgame” is Bethany’s identity and story becoming known. At this point in time, it makes perfect sense. All the pieces are in place (literally puzzle pieces) – Spencer knows she is adopted, Spencer knows her birthmother is Mary Drake, Mary Drake is in town, Mrs. D is dead, Alison Dilaurentis is alive, and Charlotte, who has been tormenting the girls for years as A, is dead. It’s perfect timing for Bethany to come back from the dead and to tell her story. 


What if … “endgame” is Bethany putting an end to Charlotte and Mona’s game, but in a really twisted horrible way: the board game. The sole purpose of the board game is having this clear-cut finish that all board games have, if played. It’s time to finish the game. 

What if … Bethany is still fascinated with the liars, but I guess in a really dark way. For starters, she is fascinated by the girls by doing them “favors.” Starting with Alison and Emily. She thinks she is doing Alison a favor by getting her pregnant with Emily’s eggs. So they can finally be together and happy.

What if … Bethany is doing Spencer a favor by dressing up as “Spencer” and sleeping with Toby so they can get back together. In my opinion, Bethany has only pretended to be Spencer this one time. It was only by accident that Ezra saw her and Wren at the airport and for that, she had to pretend to be Spencer in that moment as well.

What if … Bethany is doing Hannah a favor by making her realize she is in love with Caleb instead of … lol that other guy, who I am totally blanking on his name, and doing her a favor to realize that she is the one who needs to be with him instead of Spencer. 

What if … Bethany is doing Aria a favor by getting her to get on the A team so she can be distracted from her wedding and put her relationship with Ezra in jeopardy.  


What if … Ezra either killed Charlotte. OR he was in shady business with Cece when he was writing his book.  

But if Ezra didn’t kill Charlotte…

What if … Mona killed Charlotte to try to protect the liars and to make them feel safe once and for all (sidenote: it is annoying that this case has lost importance in Rosewood.. now it’s all about who killed Archer)

What if … Archer Dunhill and Wren Kingston are brothers. They are both doctors from England (yes I believe that they are legit doctors) Archer was never in love with Alison. He only pretended to get her money (“something Charlotte would’ve wanted”) and to make go crazy, possibly because he thought SHE was the one to kill her so he was getting revenge OR possibly because he wanted her suffer from feeling crazy, like Charlotte suffered from all those years being stuck in Radley.

What if …Wren and Bethany are in love. Wren plays a role into the unfolding story as he has always been in love with Bethany. He has done everything to get close with the Hasting family in order to understand Bethany’s birth father, her twin sister, Spencer, and Melissa, the person who basically “killed her.” Archer and Wren are therefore, two brothers dating two sisters. Wren knew Cece/Charlotte because of his brother. But he also found out she was A.

What if… Alison names one of her baby girls Courtney in solidarity to the book and the other as Holly in solidarity to her second identity, Holly Varjack.

What if … Bethany shot Spencer on accident, possibly because Bethany was aiming at Jenna who tried shooting Spencer first. So instead, Bethany kidnaped Jenna and told her about “endgame.”

What if … AD gets mad at Aria for leaving the A team and Wren tries to shoot her but Ezra takes the bullet and Wren is arrested. (the quick scene in one of the promos of someone holding hands under the table with someone who is handcuffed is Wren and Bethany.)

What if … Mona is starting to look shady because she is becoming a new A. She desperately wants the girls to recognize her as part of the group and it’s fair to say that she is doing this to the point where she is trying to weed Aria out, possibly so she could take her place. Mona is addicted to the game. But the game has changed for her, it’s not being A anymore, rather the game is about beating the game that was stolen from her. She is going back to “Loser Mona” because “Loser Mona” was the addict.

What if … the liars think Mona is A.D. and she dies before the liars figure out she is not A.D. and for this, they are unable to save her.

What if … Bethany Young dies. A.D. dies by committing suicide, which is something Charlotte didn’t do in 6x10.

What if … the pretty little liars move out of Rosewood for good and we never know if they ever come back and BAM the credits roll and that is it. RIP PLL.

I also wanted to let you guys know that some of the ideas I credit to other theories and posts I have seen on Tumblr. The pll fandom is truly remarkable and I am so happy to be involved with this community. I am going to miss it so dearly. much love and enjoy. Also! Happy PLL day xox 


〪perhaps i lacked some foresight
(should have known)
but brother you were so right
sure as the setting sun
you can’t trust just anyone

hey guys, so it’s real late at night when im posting this, and i will def be reblogging this but at the moment my mother kicked me out of the house. it’’s a real rough time for me, like… i lost everything. i will be able to sneak back in the next three days and get my things but i? dont know what the plan is. what my mom wants me to do? i dont know if she’ll let me in or what, but for the next few days i will be packing and living in my car i think. i dont know anything atm. 

anyways. like i said, i can sneak in during the next three days but otherwise i really dunno. i do know i need money though so i can eat, maybe get a motel/hotel, and idk, just survive while this is happening. commissions are always open, and i’ll appreciate donations during this time. 

like i said? i dont know whats going to happen. my mom may let me back home, she may not. i may be living in a car for a while. either way i just… i just wanna survive and live. commission are located on my tumblr under commissions, while my paypal is paypal.me/oceanicmarina 

please spread this around. im scared and im so lost. i just… i dunno anymore yall. i’ll keep yall updated tho, i promise.


There was nothing like being on tour in Europe with the people you loved most. For Shawn, the people he loved were able to follow him wherever he goes. His family who would visit him at least one week during each leg of the tour. His loyal and loving fans would catch him on the streets of any city. And let’s not forget about his team/best friends: Geoff, Andrew, Tom, and Brian, who were basically his brothers. Yet, as he sat in that comfortable couch in front his best friends, there was something clouding his mind. 

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anonymous asked:

I live in Germany and voted left, a friend of mine voted the AfD, so, I don't wanna be friends with her anymore and my sister honestly said to me, I would discriminate her just for "having a different opinion". I fucking cant anymore... People act like germans learned from the past, but believe me, we didn't and fucking nazis are everywhere

i lost my best friend of ten years this year because he cared more about a nazi’s freedom of speech than my sense of safety. i literally asked him if a nazi shouted their garbage at me and i punched them, would he side with me or the nazi? he couldn’t answer my question.

look, don’t listen to your sister. this isn’t about “opinions” this is about whether or not you consider people who are different than you equally deserving of life and happiness.

Stiles Stilinski Imagine- The Feelings That We Hide

Based on Halsey- Drive 

*Trigger Warning*

My hands wrapped around a stick shift
Swerving on the 405, I can never keep my eyes off this
My neck, the feeling of your soft lips
Illuminated in the light, bouncing off the exit signs I missed

“Y/N! Turn left, turn left!” Stiles shouted, noticing you had zoned out again. You jumped and sighed, noticing you had missed your turn. “We were meant to be there ages ago, and we’re nowhere near” Stiles exclaimed, sinking back into the front seat. “You should of took your jeep then” you retort. “I would of rather taken my jeep than ride with you, but evidently you don’t know where you’re going” he said cockily. “I could of just followed behind you” you said, glancing at him. “Well- Well I don’t want to have to wait for your slow ass the whole journey” Stiles excused. “Hmm” you replied, too stubborn to let him have the last word. A three hour long car ride with Stiles was the last thing you wanted right now. You had liked him since you joined the pack. At one point the feeling was mutual, until you began seeing how much he cared for Lydia, she’s your best friend and you knew it wasn’t her fault so all the jealously turned into anger towards him. “Take the next right” he said, staring out the window. “Again?! Do you not know your left from your right?” he ranted. “You drive then! I’m not listening you moan for another three hours!” you said, pulling onto the side of the road. “It’ll take longer than three hours with your driving” he mumbled, getting out of the car. You unbuckled your seat belt and climbed into the passenger side. “Can you not adjust the seat I have it in the perfect posit-” you began saying, before you realised he had already pulled it backwards. You huffed and he gave you a sarcastic smile in return. God you hated him. What did you even see in him anyway? Regardless you weren’t going to let him irritate you today of all days. Which was going to be pretty hard, considering you were both exhausted and running on six cups of coffee. You should of just gone with the others, but no you wanted to leave later on and now you’re stuck with him.

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Me thinkin about how Malachite/Jasper and Lapis’ dynamic was meant to represent a toxic relationship but it was extremely messy, poorly handled, and attempted to go for a ‘mutual abuse’ angle that in the end upset and hurt more actual abuse survivors watching than helped

Back to Me

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request:  Hello :) May I send you a Bucky request where you were his first love after his Winter Soldier time and now lived with him in Bucharest. Then he gets manipulated again and doesnt recognize you anymore. Sometime later you get hurt during an attack really bad and when Bucky sees you laying bleeding and unconscious on the Asphalt, it clicks in his head and he gets back to “normal” again. He stays then at your bedside, caring for you & promising to become a better Person for you :) <3 Thank you :)

Warnings: language, shitty writing that isn’t proofread, very light (?) violence (aka i cant write fight scenes so there is one but it spans about a paragraph and a half) also its like pretty long for me so

Originally posted by itsawkwardfangirl

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if this isn't love, then what is?
  • stefan salvatore:
  • she's the love of my life, i'd go back to her in a heart beat.
  • if it were my choice, i'd want to be with you forever
  • if it meant i got to be with her, have children, grow old with her.. if it meant we'd die together, be buried together then yes. i would take the cure
  • i would never hurt you, you're safe with me
  • when you and i were together every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing. that we were the perfect fit.
  • actually i don't pretend to be anything when i'm with her. that's the whole point. i just get to be myself.
  • but you know, the life that we had, it was amazing too. and it wasn't a spell or a prophecy, it was real. we fell in love on our own.
  • you know, this is a future memory. it's where your boyfriend whispered to you that he loved you. i love you.
  • how do i not remember you? i mean you're smart, you're pretty, you're funny. obviously you're the strongest woman in the world.
  • every time that i tell myself that i'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her.
  • i was a better person when i was with her. i didn't think i'd ever feel that way again. until elena.
  • i love you. i will always love you.
  • i love you so much.
  • i'm simply not able to resist her.
  • elena is warm and she's kind and she's selfless and it's real. when i'm around her i completely forget what i am.
  • elena gilbert:
  • i love him damon. no matter what i feel for you i never unfell for him.
  • no! you don't get to make that decision for me. if you walk away, it's for you because i know what i want. stefan i love you.
  • for once i don't regret the day before it begins. because i know i'll see him again.
  • but i love stefan, it's always going to be stefan.
  • it's you and me stefan, always.
  • i thought i couldn't be with you stefan but i can. you don't have to push me away. i can do this.
  • but i love you stefan. I love you stefan, you.
  • i cant lose the way i feel about you.
  • i dont want us to be apart anymore, ever.
  • stefan, my wrist. here. take my wrist. you need more blood. i trust you.
  • i cant lose the way i feel about you.
  • i love him damon. he came into my life when i needed someone and i fell for him instantly.
  • i kind off felt like i didn't know how to live anymore but then being with stefan... somehow i figured it out
  • i love you so much
  • i picked you because i love you. and no matter what happens that's the best choice i ever made.
  • look, he would never give up on me so i'm not gonna give up on him.
  • i love you stefan. hold on to that. never let that go.
  • other tvd characters:
  • katherine: you'd never look at me the way you look at elena, would you?
  • klaus: now this is fascinating i've never seen this before. the only thing stronger than your craving for blood is your love for this one girl.
  • klaus: and that's why you're her better option. i personally think she's wasting her time with damon.
  • rebekah: i envy that. you and elena. i envy the love you have.
  • klaus: well crazy or not that kind of love never dies.
  • caroline: i'm sorry but stefan is your epic love. and i'm not going down without a fight.
  • rose: stefan is different. his love is pure, he'll always be good for him.
  • klaus: personally i don't see a fairytale ending for you. all i see is stefan and elena.
  • klaus: must be hard trying to live up to stefan. he stopped himself when i compelled him to feed on elena. that's love.
  • lexi: when it's real you cant walk away.
  • caroline: you and her - epic. her and damon? ew
  • gloria: there's this girl with a necklace. you love her. you'd do anything for her.
  • damon: you're still wearing this necklace. isn't that a reminder of your unbreakable bond with stefan?
Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

“ I don’t like your little games”

-When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he “had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age)
-When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn’t have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn’t send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME.
When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT.

” I don’t like your tilted stage “

AKA an uneven playing field.

When the guy who "had to” digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17.
-When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn’t loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me.
-When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble
-When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said “I dont know, I think I am” but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me.
-When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day.

“The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you”
All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention

“ i don’t like your perfect crime,
How you laugh when you lie

-When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn’t even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out.

"You said the gun was mine, isn’t cool, no, I don’t like you”(oh!)

They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help

“But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time”

-After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them
I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can’t get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime

“I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined”

-after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I’m reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of “cop shopping” BITCH YEA. Because I didn’t get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS.

“I check it once, then I check it twice, oh”

-Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream “no” and “rape” and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating!

“Ooh, look what you made me
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me
Look what you just made me do”

-the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a “no tolerance policy”

“I don’t like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)”

-Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don’t like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid.

“The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama.”

While I’ve been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside

“But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma”

-But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that.

“And then the world moves on, but one things for sure
Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours”

-Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did.

“ I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me”

-when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. “ I don’t trust nobody”
-I turned to all the people whose ever told me “ I’ll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don’t have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home” when I’d call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I’ve had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or “I’m sorry” and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I’m desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they’ll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy.

“I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams”

-Im coming for revenge , I’m gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I’ll be in your nightmares

“I’m sorry the old Erica can’t come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she’s dead”

It’s been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I’m becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself.

I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I’m looking for mental health help and okay, I’m overly distracted , it’s like there’s this fog over my mind and I can’t see or think clearly and it’s affecting my every day life, I can’t do well at work and when I’m in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I’ve found time can heal most anything.

P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to… it’s pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don’t believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice.

My parents didn’t report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn’t want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared….. 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can’t live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it’s going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out.

They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said “ maybe you’ll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it’s never to late to report it” and in that moment I felt so inspired… now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I’ll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I’m gonna kick ass.

P.s.s I’m sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music

P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

we were talking about bi people at working today and one of the straight guys said “wait if youre a bi guy and you marry a girl I thought you weren’t bi anymore” and he was 100% serious without meaning to offend/pass judgment and that’s when it really truly hit me how big of a thing bi erasure is. like the concept of someone being bi and choosing 1 gender to be married to and still being attracted to the other gender was so foreign to him and I was like… you go to a super liberal college and live in illinois ? I cant imagine how much worse it is in areas that grow up even more intolerant/ignorant