i cannot handle this shit no

Why am I working with these morons? (Part 2)

After the son of Ares managed to thoroughly piss off our handler, she ordered us to give a report of what happened. The son of Aphrodite, who has ridiculous charisma and a power that gives him a bonus when trying to charm people, opens his mouth.

NPC: Ah ah ah, you be quiet. *pointing at son of Aphrodite*

Our son of Apollo opens his mouth only to get the same response.

NPC: *pointing at the other members of the party* All of you be silent. *turns to my character* Now, Arachne dear. What happened.

As I’m attempting to start to give a report, the son of Apollo, who is an alcoholic takes a very large pull from his flask and opens his mouth.

Son of Apollo: *in a tipsy voice* She had a shotgun! (about one of the enemies)

Our handler, who happens to be a daughter of Athena, summons a glowing spear after our GM rolled for her intimidation. Even the son of Ares, who can summon a fire ax, leans away.

NPC: If you cannot handle your liquor, I will make you handle it.

Son of Apollo: *in a small voice* Yes, ma'am.

After glaring for a moment, she allows my character to continue.

A post about the show 13 reasons why and why I don’t like Hannah Baker.

By the end of the first episode I really didn’t like Hannah. This didn’t change, not even when I felt emphaty. I’m really sorry if I’m one of the bad guys, I’m really sorry if I end up offending someone. But, remember, I’m a flawed person too. A person who needs to write her thoughts now.

The tapes: for me, revenge. As I see it, the tapes were Hannah’s way to get revenge on everyone who hurt her. They were not about explaining, making people understand, showing how people change. No, they were about payback and haunting. And if you want to tell me otherwise, I’m all ears. People told me she wanted to leave an explanation. She didn’t. Because the ones who deserved the explanation more than anyone were her parents, yes, the ones who were broken in a million pieces after her death. In fact, I cannot forgive Hannah Baker for killing part of her parents when she died in that bathtub.

Justin: we learn how Justin started everything, everything that lead her to her death. Yeah. But we also see how messed up his life was. The reason for him to act like an idiot. I grew fond of Justin. I understood him in some ways. I cannot defend him, I cannot say it was OK, none of it was. He did terrible things but in the end… He was so troubled I don’t think he could distinguish between right and wrong at any point. I feel weird cause, after all he did to Hannah and Jess, I have the strange emphaty towards him. Maybe I’m like him in some way, maybe I’m the kind who allows things to happen.

Jess: Jess was wrecked by the tapes. She went through hell. And maybe she wasn’t a good friend. But neither was Hannah. Telling everyone how Jess got raped and couldn’t even remember it was not fair at all. Saying Jess destroyed the friendship by herself was low. And I’ll defend Jess, yeah, cause no one did, cause Hannah pointed her finger but, apparently, she didn’t fight too hard to keep the friendship. Also, friends come and go, I’m sorry to say. And you cannot, ever, blame someone for your suicide because this person grew apart and couldn’t be a real friend to you for too long.

Zach: shit with Zach was weird, I’m gonna defend him too. He had things of his own, and he really liked her, apparently, she didn’t give him a chance. And he wasn’t mean to her cause he “didn’t get what he wanted”, he was mean in response to her being an asshole, too. So, Hannah can be hurt and be an idiot, but if the others do the same, they are monsters?

Marcus: total asshole. Tipical teenager. He didn’t care much. But he didn’t deserve to be tormented either.

Sheri: wtf? She did one thing wrong and this is proof the world is fucked up and a reason to kill yourself? The girl was nothing but kind and was ate by guilt before and after the tapes, did she deserve to be haunted like this? I don’t think so.

Courtney: one more that was judged because she wasn’t a real friend and didn’t want to be so, either. Can you blame her? No. She wasn’t true to herself? Maybe. Who am I to judge? Who was Hannah? Courtney was an idiot but she didn’t deserve to be exposed.

Ryan: another idiot, yes. Bad behaviour, selfish and all. Does he deserve to live his life thinking he was a reason for someone to commit suicide? I don’t think so. He deserved to pay for his actions, he deserved to know he acted wrong. But in the end he was just an idiot who didn’t try to destroy her in any way.

Tyler: the one who really needed some therapy. He was always bullyed and laughed at, even by Hannah. He had some real problems and carrying responsibility for her suicide would lead to some things that are much bigger than what was already shown. So, this is just an example of the consequences of the tapes.

Bryce: didn’t get to listen to the tapes. We never learn why Bryce was like he was. We never see him being punished and Hannah punishes everyone but him. So Clay has to do it for her. She wanted someone to fight for her and that I understand, mainly because I cannot imagine how she felt. Do I blame Bryce? For many things, yes. For her suicide? No. Because she doesn’t put all the blame in him. He’s not the last drop so at some point she thought she could handle things in a different way, she didn’t.

Mr Porter: he was not more than a counselor, and he cannot carry responsibility for her suicide. Was he good as a counselor? Probably not. Was he useful? Not at all. Everyone is fighting their own battles day after day, he was too, and that’s why he wasn’t there for her. How could he know? Can he be guilty because he gave a crappy advice and didn’t go after her like she wanted? I don’t think so. She left. That’s on her.


Clay: she put Clay through hell, for what? FOR WHAT? he felt like crap, he felt guilty, he faced some shit he clearly didn’t deserve to. So, why? Listening to the tapes was pure torture to Clay. She affected him for good and that doesn’t seem fair at all. She put him in danger, a danger he didn’t deserve. Torturing Clay was low, and I cannot accept it, I cannot like Hannah Baker when I know she was totally aware of how bad the tapes would hit Clay.

Alex: the ultimate consequence… The list was a childish stupid shit to do, yes. Going to the boy’s locker room was too. Why did she do that? She wasn’t allowed there and it was obvious they would talk even more after that. Blaming him for destroying Hannah and Jesse’s friendship? Unfair and stupid. Alex was a thunderstorm, he had so much going on inside his head, he couldn’t even handle Hannah’s thunder, or anything else, to be honest. I would have liked to learn more about him… After all, Hannah’s suicide lead to his. So, are we to blame Hannah the way she blamed him? Alex couldn’t handle the pressure, the guilt and he gives all the signs, he silently walks to his death and noone sees it, no one cares. So what good did the tapes do? They didn’t prevent anything, on the contrary, they lead to destruction and more and more pain. Hannah wanted to be a ghost seeking revenge and she got it.

The parents: the ones who are fucked up without doing anything, without stupid tapes to explain shit. The main reason why I can’t stand Hannah is the fact that, when she killed herself, she was gone, the pain was gone, and exactly at this moment her parent’s worst nightmare began. She didn’t think of them. She didn’t leave a note for them. She dedicated her last week to torment all the kids at school but not a word for her parents. Her mother’s desperation crushed me. She killed herself but she broke them, in a million pieces, never to be put together again. Can you tell me that’s not selfish? Not even a little? I just cannot forgive something like that, because finding your kid dead in the tub is pretty much the worst thing a parent can face.

Edit: if you don’t agree and GET MAD at me, please don’t reply. If you agree or don’t and want to reply with your own non-aggressive opinion, please reply. Edit 2: in case you didn’t understand, I don’t judge the reasons for which she killed herself, I don’t dislike her because of that. I just don’t like the tapes themselves and the apparent reasons for which she left them.
Pentagon To You Being Short And Trying To Kiss Them

Jinho: Honestly you are the same height as Jinho and you two kiss without struggle. And small kisses will take place anywhere and everywhere where he will hold your waist every single time he kisses you- and it looks so precious and cute to everybody because u both look like puppies. 

  Hui: Will grin and sort of fanboy alittle because you are precious to him as edawn. Doesnt hesitate to lean down to kiss you but sometimes will playfully pull back before you do plant one on him which you will of course end up either smacking him or not giving him one. “I was jokinggg give me a kiss.“ 

Hongseok: Cannot handle the precious and adorable thing in this world which is you and cannot believe you are his. Will most likely pull you in for a bear hug out of excitement and lean in to kiss your lips- then your nose and forehead and cheek(back and forth several times)basically love the shit out of u

 Edawn: You’d only a be a slight bit shorter than him since he himself isn’t tall so he’d make u try your best to kiss him as he looks down at you with a playful smile. ”You’re so close, these lips are waiting for you.“ You end up charging into the kiss and pressing your lips on his too hard. he will pull back all stunned and laughing like. ”Did you do that on purpose??“

 Yeo-one: ”You’re so cute.“ He will say as he grins, then holding you firmly by the waist and bending down to kiss you slowly but softly, pulling his face back afterwards only a slight bit so he can stare at you lovingly. 

 Shinwon: This boy is so rude, he will wiggle his eyebrows teasingly as he freaking tiptoes himself to get even taller. ”Catch these lips.“ ”Forreal you are an idiot shinwon.“ Afterwards will attack you in a hug as he kisses you right away, his arms all the way around your body, pulling you in as close as possible. 

 Kino: OKAY i wouldnt say hed do the most and kneel for you to just kiss him but Im saying he might kneel for you to just to kiss him. If you were sitting on a bench at an amusement park he will get down on one knee to fix your shoelaces and then look up and make eye contact along with a sweet ass smile of his, sending you signals that he wants you to lean in and kiss him (which you do).

 Yanan: Makes his signature baby shy smile as he has his hand in his coat pocket (with your hand in there as well for warmth) and lean down to let you kiss him (cuz there aint no way he brave enough to initiate it). Eyes closed but smiling into the kiss. 

 Yuto: Damn boy is really soft but when in public with you he gets these surge of manliness, wanting to impress you and people around him so he kind of has his arm around your neck almost into a headlock to initiate the quick kiss. You pull back all stunned like what just happened, with Yuto standing there like ‘I did that' 

Wooseok: Type to pick you up and have you wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he gives you small kisses 5 thousands times. Ends up giggling and spinning until you forcefully get down off of him yourself.

“Laura saw you two making-out...” - Old Man Logan x Reader

#6. Getting caught making out with Logan for @jobean12-blog.

At first I started to write a story with “normal” Logan, but then…Well I got inspired by (film) Old Man Logan and Laura, so…yeah. Though it didn’t turn out how I initially thought it would, it turned out more…serious than funny, but like, with a movie like Logan as an original material…you know ^^’. . Hope you’ll still like it and will be ok with the Old Man Logan blahblahblah :

(my masterlist : http://ellana-ravenwood.tumblr.com/masterlist)

__________________________________________________

You couldn’t even recall the last time you had a moment like this…Was it over a year ago ? Before Charles lost control of his power and destroyed everything he ever build ? Before all your friends died ? Before you, Logan and the professor had to run away from the X-Mansion and hide because of what happened ? Right before you called Caliban for help maybe ?

You couldn’t remember. But it was hell of a long time ago.

Yes, Logan and you hadn’t had a moment of intimacy like that in ages…

Ever since the Xavier’s school incident.

This was so refreshing. So nice.

Feeling his tongue in your mouth, his body flushed against yours, his hands roaming your body, his smile in the kiss as your grip tightened around him.

It almost felt like old times. When things were easier. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was just you and your loved ones, living an almost normal life in the mansion, saving the World on a regular basis…

But this time was long gone, and you definitely cherished that fleeting moment you had right now with your Wolverine.

*******************

It wasn’t really meant to happen. It kinda just did. Which made it even greater than  it would be if it was planned.

Since you had to run away from the X-Mansion over a year ago, you and Logan rarely had time for yourselves.

He was working really late everyday, and when he came home, was too tired to do anything else but sleep. And you had quite busy days too, working your ass off as well to be able to buy the sun seeker one day, and leave this godforsaken place.

Keep reading

i just got abused by both of my neighbours. im looking after my roomies’ dog while they’re away and he’s been barking A LOT. the guy threatened to shoot him if he didnt shut up and the women was a huge bitch to me?? threatening to. call animal control… and i can totally handle conflict, i dont take no shit,,,,,,,,, but afterwards i just kinda shrink away into the darkest corner and crumble like a biscuit like pls never talk to me EVER again. if ur gonna shoot the dog, youll have to shoot him thru me

youtube

“Oh oh! We need more time than that! … Shit.” clipping. @ the fillmore philadelphia

anonymous asked:

Um uh, hi. I know you guys are a busy, but uh. I'm not good with horror stuff, and I read this post that started out cute but then turned scary somehow? And now I can't sleep. I was just wondering if I could get a little thing about how Noctis or Gladiolus (or all the chocobros but if you don't wanna/don't have time don't worry about it) would calm down/help their s/o get to sleep when scared?

Okay this is way more important than the cute thing! I need to help you sleep!

-Alyssa


‘The Calming Touch’

Noctis:

  • Noctis understands nightmares, and the horror stuff
  • He’s actually a baby when it comes to horror, 100% cannot handle scary shit. Especially jump scares.
  • He will lay down with his s/o, and play with their hair.
  • Not only that. He will kiss their face, everywhere.
  • Get ready for a smooch because he’s coming in
  • Cuddles, or he’ll hold his s/o against his chest
  • Will 100& be the pillow or big spoon, he will do whatever his s/o needs
  • He will assure his s/o they’re safe bc there’s no way in hell he’ll let anyone hurt them. Ever.

Gladio:

  • Gladio will read to his s/o
  • Nothing scary, maybe a action or an adventure story
  • If it’s not working he’ll take them beside the fire and star gaze with them
  • “See that star there? It’s the brightest one in the sky, but it’s definitely not as bright as your smile.”
  • Cue 10000+ pickup lines and a list of reasons he loves his s/o
  • He will stay up all night with them if he must, anything for his s/o

Ignis:

  • Iggy is going to get his s/o a glass of warm milk first and foremost.
  • Then he will sit them down for a bit outside the tent and smooth out their hair
  • He may even brush it for them if they find the gesture calming.
  • After seeing their fear he will be holding them all night
  • Every time they wimper or freeze up he’d squeeze them as a reminder that he’s there, and he’s not going anywhere
  • Because he isn’t going anywhere
  • If they wake up at 1am he’ll wake up at 1am too, they’re not about to be alone.

Prompto:

  • Prompto totally gets the fear thing
  • Seriously, you’re in the middle of the wilderness while demons RUN AROUND BELOW WHERE YOU’RE SLEEPING
  • He would not only stay up to play dumb apps with his s/o, he’d probably suggest it
  • He’s just as scared but he’s pretty good at hiding it
  • Clings to his s/o, while lightly singing a song in hopes of calming them both down as he gestures for them to lean their head against his chest and just listen to his heartbeat 

jikook @ isac last year: hey everyone *blushes* we’re gay

vmin @ isac 2017: bITCHES WE GAY AS FUCK I WILL SPANK JIMIN RIGHT HERE 

okay alright I’m having some aroace feelings and I need to get some shit off my chest because I’m having a hard time coming to grips with some things like

there is shit I want that I feel like I can never have just because of being aroace you know??? Like I don’t want to share a home with anyone I don’t really wanna share my life with anyone but I love being close with people?? I love laying my head on someone’s lap, giving really great cuddles, laying next to someone in a bed, just feeling that something warm next to me but it is completely and unquestionably non-sexual and non-romantic

also I hardcore prefer these activities to be with women? but I don’t know if that’s just a society based bias because we’re always told men ‘want’ something like?? ???? like can you be platonic gay?? is that a thing??

wait fuck that is a thing, queer platonic relationships FUCk I want one of THOSE

anyway, labels aside that isn’t what really bothers me, what really bothers me is the thought that I can’t have this, I feel like I can’t have it because other people won’t understand it like, ugh, if I had someone to cuddle with and be close to I would need them to understand that it is platonic only, and I’m afraid I could never find someone who would be comfortable with this kind of set up without 'getting anything’ from it

I mean I wouldn’t necessarily even need one person! and I already have a bunch of friends and even family that I’m super close with and are comfortable with cuddles and pecks on the cheek and they know it is platonic only and it’s perfect when I can hang out with them but, I’m afraid of when they all get into relationships of their own, will that make things different? will I make their partners uncomfortable?

one of them is already in a relationship but it’s with a friend who’s familiar with the dynamic of our weird group so he doesn’t care if I sit next to his girlfriend and lay my head on her shoulder and kiss her on the cheek, but I’m concerned about outsiders, people who aren’t familiar

and I see my friends so rarely anyway because of my job and just everyone’s lives and I just feel kinda lonely… but I don’t know how to talk about it with people who aren’t aroace because everyone always assumes loneliness is fixed with romance and I DON’T want the 'you’ll find someone for you!’ talk I cannot handle that shit goD

I mean even a pet would make me feel better but I can’t get one right now because of my living situation and even if I did I have like, this anxiety about germs and washing my hands after touching animals and fur gives me allergies so, even if I had a big dog that I could cuddle and have sleep next to me for comfort I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about the germs and the hair all over my house and I’d feel like I’d have to wash the bedsheets every day

I just feel like, I can’t have what would make me happy… and I’m just really bummed out about that right now, maybe if I could find another aroace spec person who gets it? but I’d have to find someone who is not only ALREADY rare to find, but also in my area and gets along with me, I only know one other aroace person and we… don’t really talk any more so, she’s not even remotely an option

the society we live in is not built to make people of my sexuality comfortable, and that makes me feel… really shitty right now, I just want someone to hold me and be held by me and not expect anything more than that, why does that have to be so much to ask?

anonymous asked:

Hello, yes, hi, I recently found your art and account and I love what you do. I'm turning 14 in April and I've asked for a drawing pad, but I have no idea how to use one as of yet. Have you got any tips or anything? Because I've wanted to try digital art for a while and your art makes me want to even more lmao. Thanks! - B.A.

BOI OH BOI DO I GOT SOME TIPS FOR U <3

(I’m not sure what kind of comp you’re going to be using, so I’ll list for both.)

FIRST: Drawing Programs; the free and the great.

-Firealpaca: Lightweight drawing program. I draw Recovery using this! It’s easy on the RAM if you have a weak comp/are paranoid about yours like I am, it is mainly for basic comic making, and has all the basic brushes you need (pen/pencil/airbrush/symmetry/etc). You can add your own brushes as well but they’re p basic settings. Has basic Animation/Gif making as well using Onion Mode! Layout is a piece of cake. Please note that If you leave it open for a week it’ll crash on you, even if you haven’t anything on it at the moment, and sometimes the brush sensitivity just stops working so you just have to close and then open it again. (Also I have no idea how to update it aside from deleting it completely and just downloading the new version from scratch, so thats a thing.) Mac/Windows

-MedibangPaint: This is basically FireAlpaca But Better. Has tons of screen tones, brush patterns, and tools. I don’t use it much because I’m used to FA’s layout and get confused with the the placement of tools in here, so if you can I highly suggest just going with this first. Also has basic animation/gif making! Has storage for the website as well, and you can upload more preset brushes. It’s v anime. This program has waaay more in terms of basically everything, so it just takes more RAM. NBD, you don’t have to have every brush downloaded from the storage ^u^. Mac/Windows

-Clip Studio Paint: Okay this one isn’t free, it’s a pricey one, HOWEVER once a year they take the price way fuckin down by at least 75%. Sign up for the email list and it’ll let you know when that precious day comes. It’s how I got it @u@, around christmastime? This program is basically MedibangPaint On Steroids. I do all of my digital-yet-tradition-style-painting on here! The brushes all have some neat af settings to play with, you can make your own brushes, has tons of screen tones, pre-made panels, and settings. You can save projects as basically anything you need, is a hardy program that almost never crashes, and It’ll take a nice chunk of space on your comp depending on how much memory you have but hey, its worth it. It’s much more complex layout-wise than the other two here, but you get used to it after playing around and watching tutorials haha.

-Mischief: It’s a 25$ app, has like four brushes and five layers only but is vector-based with an endless canvas. Not really worth having unless you like the vector thing. UP TO YOU. I spent forever with this one doing all that homestuck stuff, so it’s not really bad so much as it is a basic bitch. Mac

-MyPaint: I used this a bunch when I still did digital art on my windows laptop before I upgraded to a Mac. It’s easy on the comp and has plenty of brushes and settings. You can also get brush packages if you don’t feel like you have enough that comes with the program! Also has endless canvas; pretty sure you can just select an area and then export as is. I barely remember the rest but It’s pretty great. Windows/MacPorts(which I hate)

-GIMP: I hate this thing. I cannot figure it out for the life of me. It’s got loads of shit though, can handle layers, has plenty of brushes, and can do basic animation/gifs if you ever figure it out. Windows/mac

I’ve heard good things from paint tool SAI and Krita as well, but have never used them myself.

***You can always pay through the nose/use a student discount for the photoshop series and pay that shit monthly, those fuckers have literally everything, but I am a cheap college kid making minimum wage with a car payment; I’d rather just pay once/not at all.

TABLETS: treat that shit like a newborn babe 24/7

-I have literally only ever owned a Wacom Intuos4. It has lasted me six years, and at least five moves across many miles. I broke one of the cord ports the day I opened it by holding it wrong, have one left, and now treat it like it’s going to die if the cord moves badly. Please be aware that if you break both ports, you better either sodder it back together yourself or upgrade to smth else because it costs about as much as the tablet itself was bought at to be fixed. Good news, though, it comes with at least six extra pen nibs, has programable buttons on the side (that I have never bothered to use) and a scroll bar in case you’re too lazy to use the keyboard (…I don’t really use that either unless I’m just scrolling through tumblr LMFAO).

-I would die for a Cintiq.

HOT TIPS: its useful.

-most of the programs listed use the same keyboard shortcuts. MEMORIZE THEM. It’s pretty easy, since you’ll use em a lot. [cntrl/cmmd+T] lets you resize what you just drew on that layer, and [cntrl/cmmd+z] is undo. I use those the most, for obvious reasons.

-vector-based programs are pretty great because when you resize an image it looks prefect. You can’t do that with a program that isn’t, so I just resize the base roughdraft and draw the lineart again on the layer above so I don’t get weird JPEG quality lines.

-You can use a ruler with your tablet, just slap it on and go, but honestly most programs have settings for that. just use those.

-You can also trace stuff on your tablet, so long as the paper isn’t too thick. I just scan/take a photo and then open it up in the program, though. much easier.

-SAVE CONSTANTLY. Art programs like to crash on you, even when they’re hardy and you have a good comp. make it a habit to quick save your work.

-Use a desk and have good posture. You’ll be able to draw a hell of a lot longer if you do. I personally keep fucking up my knees by sitting on my legs as I work out of habit, and don’t actually have a desk chair. Keep your screen at eye level and at a fair distance to prevent eyestrain and also neck-strain haha

-Chances are you won’t be used to the tablet right away. Most places you buy from say it’ll take a couple of months to get used to how weird it is to draw while not looking at your own hand, so don’t be frustrated If your drawings look a bit off at first.

-if you draw at least one thing every day, by the end of the year you’ll have improved exponentially. I literally made this blog to make myself draw once a day.

-don’t be afraid to check out speedpaints and tutorials. It’s always good to get more familiar with the program you’re using and new techniques previously unconsidered.

-get familiar with clipping layers. They are insanely useful; you clip one layer to the one below and then when you draw it only shows up on the drawing of that layer below. Shit is a godsend if you’re bad at coloring in the lines/lazy. The bucket tool is also really useful, and you can adjust the expansion by pixel so you don’t miss anything between the lines.

-experiment with your brushes, shit be fun af

-warmup your wrists before and after drawing. prevent swollen veins and such. dont want hand pain/numbness, its reaaaaally bad.

—basically if your hands hurt stop for the day.

-PNGS are for internet, JPEGS are for printing/fucking with quality (cough hack homestuck)

-resolution doesn’t have to be much more than 350 dpi if its just going to be on a webpage. Maximize that shit if you’re going to be printing, though. Especially if you put stuff on redbubble.

-DeviantArt has this thing called Sta.sh where you can dump art, keep it in perfect quality and just share it with certain people with a link instead of all of the website. Great for storing commission pieces, its the only reason I have DA in the first place.

-you get a different audience depending on what site you use for posting art, so keep that in mind for the kind of feedback you want.

-after awhile of drawing using a tablet, you may lose patience/forget that in traditional art there isn’t an undo button lmfao It’s cool; you don’t have to choose one over the other or anything.

-Honestly you can work around almost anything. You just invent new ways and techniques for yourself and you’ll do just fine.

Aaaaand that’s all I got for today! Thanks for sticking around <3

tfw youre so overburdened with work, school, and life responsibilities that you actually cant - emotionally, mentally and physically - but everyone also thinks youre so smart and have your shit together because you’ve dealt with all these things on your own privately and keep most of your struggles to yourself.

but youre so close to falling apart because it’s just too much. yea that’s happening to me right now.

i have also had so many things just going on one after the other that i genuinely haven’t had the time to bond with my friends and spend lunchtimes together because of all these commitments. i just need a little support and recognition sigh 

snapped-taro-and-admin  asked:

It's here. ERBOA: Taro Vs. Budo Can you handle it, Taro-Mun?

i want him to step on me

Texts From Last Night Sentence Starters

“Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen?”
“That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we’re drinking tonight in celebration!”
“Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate.”
“Okay I’m officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots.”
“I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I’m very well-rounded.”
“Did you happen to find my bra? I’m pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar…”
“We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she’s the one.”
“So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.”
“I cannot handle Xanax… I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube.”
“I don’t need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios.”
“It was great.  Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!”
“Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.”
“He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can’t hold that against me.”
“Should I get the rainbow boxer briefs?”
“As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can’t handle.”
“Yeah, I mean I’ll probably fuck him regardless but I’m trying to be a lady about it.”
“I swear to god, if you have sex in my bed one more time you’re gonna start paying rent!”
“Reminder- he’s a douche bag. A big one.”
“He took shrooms and didn’t want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn’t want to break.”
“We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.”
“I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar…”
“I feel like you’re the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society.”
“No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.”
“When I’m drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.”
“We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk two blocks and get into our backyard?”
“He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that?”

LMAO yall …… i joined a libfem leftbook group on facebook just to see what the popular discourse these days is and i got into a convo with someone abt nonbinary identities and the second i was like “so how do these work? which bathroom is the kid who uses it/itself pronouns gonna use? which sports team are they gonna play on? if gender isn’t real then why do we even respect pronouns and stuff?” i got fuckin banned

i am literally dying these people are SO fragile they cannot handle the slightest criticism of their “identities” which they literally treat as the most important thing in the universe!!!!! it is truly amazing!!!!! i think they honest to god know that all of it is bullshit and they have to shut down criticism as fast as they can bc NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE

anonymous asked:

In Jimin's latest tweet, at first I thought he was referring to "dugeun dugeun (heart thumping)" due to the award win. Seeing translation of the video made me realized he was talking about Jungkook's appearance. WHY SO GROSS KOOKMIN!??? I CANNOT HANDLE THIS MUCH COUPLE-Y SHIT! (Whatever happened in Vegas...)

Was he talking about jungkook in that suit or was he talking about their wedding in vegas or their wedding in vegas while jungkook was wearing this suit or..