i cannot believe that i found all of these at the same time!

100 Harry Potter Prompts: Part 1

This list is #$@&%*! amazing, amigos! Thanks for all the submissions. Here is part 1:

  1. Parseltongues aren’t the only ones who can talk to certain animals; There are a number of hereditary abilities that allow wizards to understand and communicate with other species. You are a young wizard who can understand birds, and it is driving you CRAZY.
  2. 10 years later, on the day of the battle of Hogwarts. George is standing in front of the mirror, looking himself in the eyes, wishing that his reflection was someone else.
  3. Harry Potter prompt: The Basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets is back! …but now it’s the size of a thread snake.
  4. A muggle angered by the fact that there are only 10 dragons in this world and 7 of them are European, sets off to find more dragons.
  5. Your entire family is full of Hufflepuffs, so during your sorting you begged the Sorting Hat to place you there. Now you’re older and definitely a Slytherin and you need to hide it.
  6. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes has an adult section in the back.
  7. after Ron picks up the wrong hairs for a polyjuice potion Hermione is making, the two find themselves in each other’s bodies.
  8. You are the new heir of Slytherin, capable of opening the Chamber of Secrets and talking to snakes. On your first visit you find the monster dead. Not that you care, you never hated muggles anyway. Instead you start giving guided tours, charging a couple of Sickles for each tour, trying your best not to make the teachers notice.
  9. You’re a muggle born sorted into Slytherin of all places. The other students warn you that the Bloody Baron hates muggles, but to your surprise, the ghost has somewhat of a different view on muggleborns like you…
  10. Harry DOES get sorted into Slytherin when he asks not to be and becomes best friends with Draco as well.
  11. No one knew Voldemort was the last line of defence against them. Now he’s gone, and they are coming.
  12. Many years after the Dark Lord Voldemort was killed, a new dark lord has come. He’s part of the ministry and the new candidate for minister of magic..
  13. When Harry Potter dies in his first year at Hogwarts, Hermoine Granger takes on the duty of defeating the dark lord and succeeds in her task in the second year. The wizarding world is safe once again. Describe how she managed this.
  14. Write about Hermiones struggles and success as Minister of Magic.
  15. The dementors may suck the souls out of their victims with their kiss, but what happens to the soul after that?
  16. As a young gifted wizard, Sirius Black once found the Mirror of Erised; but what did he see as he glanced upon its glass?
  17. Hagrid comes every year to celebrate Harry’s birthday
  18. Harry never got a letter. He goes through his day to day life as a muggle, never noticing obnoxiously weird things around him. Write a day in the life of harry the muggle
  19. You’re invited to Tom riddle’s 6th birthday party
  20. Magical patronuses are extremely rare. It’s said that only the pure or the purely evil can conjure them. You’re a Slytherin trying to prove what they say about Slytherins is wrong. In Defence against dark arts, you just found out your patronus is a Hungarian horntail.
  21. “Don’t worry, Potter,” said the Dark Lord, “killing will get easier. And as my right hand man, you’ll need to get used to it.”
  22. Au where Snape is the chosen one and Harry is the Potions master
  23. In second year, Draco writes in the diary of Tom Riddle instead, and gets some pretty sound advice.
  24. “You went to school for seven years and THIS is what you use your skills on? Just- Just tell us why THIS branch of Animagi…?”
  25. Harry’s a girl, and has to deal with all the Voldemort shit when she has cramps so she’s extra pissed off.
  26. The Nimbus 3000 just came out, you are one galleon short but you desperately want it, how will you get your hands on the new broom?
  27. You somehow stumble into Filch’s office and grab the nearest artifact before you escape.
  28. Both Harry and Neville are the ‘chosen ones’. Only together are they able to defeat the Dark Lord. Unfortunately, everyone thinks only Harry is the ‘chosen one’. Follow Neville and co. as they discover the truth.
  29. Divination has a new muggle-born teacher, who seems more intent on teaching useful life lessons than magic.
  30. “You’re a wizard, Hermione.”
  31. “How many times have I told you to leave your dragons in Romania?!”
  32. “You’re a wizard, Harry.” “No shit!”
  33. All the Harry Potter character have switch roles, so that the heroes are now the villains. Who’s who and what happens?
  34. Mcgonagall, after noticing Harry’s letter is being ignored, goes to the Dursleys to check on the young wizard.
  35. Harry wonders what the fuck kinda school this is when Dumbledore says “ The third floor corridor is out of bounds for anyone that doesn’t want to die a most painful death.”
  36. Hermione Granger is one of those kids who is in classes meant for those a few years older than her, she is a genius.
  37. You are a muggle, yet direct magic doesn’t affect you, you wander into Hogwarts, you are not harmed by the shriek of mandrake plants, a basilisk cannot petrify you, magical devices break at your touch. you are a magic null.
  38. You thought you’d made a simple mistake in potions. As you sit outside the headmaster’s office, straining to hear the grave conversation from behind the door, it dawns on you that your error couldn’t have been as simple as it seemed.
  39. Harry goes on a journey of self-love by hiking around an Arby’s parking lot at 2am.
  40. The series is entirely the same but Voldemort and Snape have swapped noses .
  41. A day in the life of Dobby.
  42. Lucius is sacrificed by Voldemort and dies in the Wizarding War leaving pregnant Narcissa disillusioned and scared. She seeks help from Dumbledore and becomes a double agent.
  43. “Hmm, courage… yes… plenty of intelligence too! Very loyal… but crafty… hmm. Tricky, very tricky. I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to belong in any specific house. Better be… HOGWARTS!!!”
  44. Harry and Ron/Hermione and Ginny become the canon ships.
  45. Hermione and Ron visit America for a family vacation. Write about their adventures.
  46. Sassy harry calling Snape and Dumbledore out on their bullshit   24/7.
  47. Ravenclaws have a chamber of secrets, but it’s just a library of infinite knowledge too nerdy to touch.
  48. Post-apocalyptic Draco and Harry, where Draco needs the help of Harry in order for both of them to survive.
  49. You thought you were a muggle-born witch/wizard and then you find one of your long before ancestors in the portraits of the school’s corridors.
  50. You can do magic without a wand. You are the second most wanted after Voldemort.
  51. Disco balls and disco and lgbt folks at Hogwarts
  52. A student is accepted into Hogwarts only to find out it was a mistake and they don’t actually have any magical abilities. Tell their story of trying to make it through Hogwarts after all these years.
  53. Remus Lupin adopts Harry.  He never lived with the Dursleys. Tell us his happy Wizarding Childhood.
  54. You’re a historian writing a critical paper on The Battle Of Hogwarts. You believe the existing discourse has ignored the significance of one woman: Mrs Norris. Write a paper discussing her much-maligned role in the Battle of Hogwarts.
  55. A story about the lonely, never-useful life of Snape’s shampoo bottle.
  56. Rumour has it the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher has already arrived and is hiding. Whoever finds them gets 500 points for their house.
  57. write the wizarding sex ed pamphlet that gets handed out to fifth years.
  58. everything’s the same except every character is a lizard.
  59. Describe the three trials in the next Triwizard Tournament.
  60. “Nobody knew about the fifth Hogwarts founder, and the secret they hid in the castle… until now”
  61. Minerva McGonagall is quite puzzled by Dumbledore’s recent hires for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and would like to have a serious talk with him about it.
  62. You decide to try flying on a broom just for shits and giggles. It works, and now you need help. A lot of help.
  63. The previous magical protection of the prime minister has been retired. You have taken their place.
  64. The Wizarding World decided it’s time to explore space.
  65. Doleres Umbridge is now the head teacher of Hogwarts and president Snow form panel is the minister for magic. They have reinvented the triwizard tournament to have aspects of the hunger games. Tell the story of this year’s tributes.
  66. “When I wished to be part of the world of Harry Potter, I was hoping for an acceptance letter to Hogwarts, not for the bridge I was crossing to be demolished by death eaters on my way home from work!”
  67. You are a squib from a long line of witches and wizards who has never made any contact with the Muggle world. Today is your first day of high school.
  68. Hermione blinked. “You’re right, Ron. I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.”
  69. Through a series of events, you land yourself in the world of Harry Potter. The catch? You’ve never read a word from the books and have absolutely no clue what’s going on.
  70. The entire series but everyone is emo as hell.
  71. You are Harry Potter’s less famous twin sibling. All you want is a quiet wizarding school life.
  72. Write the science behind magic.
  73. You are in the infamous library where no books have titles. Somehow, you pick up Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. You want to help in any way you can.
  74. “The wand chooses the wizard” except this time three have chosen the same master. And they’re attempting to duel each other.
  75. Re-write one of the quidditch chapters from the perspective of the snitch.
  76. Harry being raised by Sirius and Remus because they actually caught Wormtail
  77. Dumbledore reads My Immortal and thinks it’s really good.
  78. “The Death Eaters stole this from the Muggles. What is it, Hermione?” “Ron, I…I think it’s a Nuke.”  "WICKED! Dad’s gonna love this!“
  79. Draco and Ron get in a wizard’s fight; Harry has to reveal his love for Draco by protecting him.
  80. While looking through Filch’s files of rescinded objects, you find something extremely dangerous. Just as you put it in your pocket for later investigation, you get caught by Peeves the poltergeist.
  81. A deaf Ravenclaw, a disabled Slytherin, a mute Gryffindor, and a black trans Hufflepuff help together to cope with each other’s’ problems.
  82. You’ve just received a Howler in front of the whole school. What does it say and how does the school react?
  83. A very derpy Dementor who doesn’t even try and suck souls, but just wants to be friends with everyone and gets sad easily so everyone has to cheer it up.
  84. As it turns out, Neville is the strongest wizard of all.
  85. Write a love story about Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
  86. Your boggart and your reflection in the Mirror of Erised show the same thing.
  87. Who maintains the enchanted ceiling at Hogwarts? How did they get the job and what’s their life like?
  88. Finally, Hogwarts gets its Wi-Fi hotspot.
  89. After a traumatising first year at Hogwarts, Ginny Weasley has to learn to deal with the long-term psychological effects of having been possessed by a dark wizard.
  90. Someone didn’t focus enough when trying to apparate somewhere and somehow wound up on Mars.
  91. You show someone the Mirror of Erised for the first time. You ask what they see, and they just look at you strangely. “What? Did you forget how mirrors work? I just see us.”
  92. A story written from the perspective of a student who died in the battle of Hogwarts, and is now a ghost there.
  93. Hogwarts wants to open a school in another part of the world.
  94. It’s been a hundred years, or so, and you’re still stuck in this dusty, shabby place. As a wand, it would be nice if you could finally choose the perfect wizard to wield you.
  95. You hide pictures of Voldemort in most  unusual places to freak other students out
  96. AU where all spells are imaginary. They’re basically running around with sticks yelling nonsense.
  97. The DA learned their most important lesson from Hermione - always bring a gun to a wand fight.
  98. Write about the day the magical world discovered internet (and proceeded to make their own WizNet)
  99. Harry Potter where Harry’s dad survived but is left emotionally destroyed by Voldemort’s attack.
  100. Harry Potter lowers his wand at himself. He swore he would rid the world of Horcruxes. He was about to make good on that promise.

 Let’s make a new list right away. Do you have a prompt for us?

anonymous asked:

i know you meant well when you said 30 isnt ancient, but im nb so my life expectancy is actually 30 :(

Hey anon, I’m so sorry that that’s a fear you’ve had to live with. I know that trans people are at greater risk of violence and suicide, and I’ve heard people say many times that the life expectancy of trans people (or trans women, or trans women of color, depending on who you ask) is anywhere from 23 to 35. Your ask troubled me, so I’ve dug deep looking for solid evidence of any of these, and I don’t believe that these statistics are true.

A trans woman, Helen, looked into the “23 years” claim and traced it back to someone’s notes on two workshops at a 2007 conference, which stated that trans people’s life expectancy is “believed to be around 23” (emphasis mine) but cites no actual source. This claim has been presented as fact in many news articles since then, but as far as I can tell, no one seems to know where this figure came from.

Another claim is often sourced to an Argentine psychologist quoted in this NPR article

Psychologist Graciela Balestra, who works closely with the transgender community, says it’s an especially vulnerable population.

“Transgender people have an average life expectancy of about 30 to 32 years,” Balestra says. “They don’t live any longer; I think that statistic alone says so much.”

But again, the article gives no source for this figure

I found an article claiming that a 2014 report by the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR) “concludes the average life expectancy of trans people in the Western Hemisphere is between 30-35 years.” However, when I tracked down the report, An Overview of Violence Against LGBTI Persons (pdf), its only reference to this is (emphasis mine): “[T]he IACHR has received information that the life expectancy of trans women in the Americas is between 30 and 35 years of age.” Again, this is no source.

Someone said on my post that these statistics may have come from the NCTE/NGLTF report Injustice at Every Turn (pdf), but I can’t find any reference to any such claim in the report.

Thinking about these claims, they seem unlikely for some basic reasons. Consider that we simply don’t have a long enough span of data on trans people, and that what data we do have is extremely limited because we can’t always know who is trans and who isn’t. Consider also that, although obviously the murder rates for trans people are extremely high, the number of deaths of 20-something trans people would have to be ENORMOUS to offset the existence of older trans people and bring the average down to 30. Especially since, unlike with racial groups for example, the data on trans people would likely include almost no childhood deaths, simply because it would be much more difficult (and in many cases impossible) to identify these children as trans. And since we know that trans women of color are extremely disproportionately affected by violence, statistics that include white people and/or trans men would be especially unlikely to be so low.

And as to your specific situation anon, again given that trans women of color are most at risk, I don’t think we have reason to believe that being non-binary specifically puts a person at anywhere near this level of increased risk of dying young.

I don’t say any of this to question anyone’s experiences or to deny the state of emergency that trans women face with regard to violence. That is very real. But I think it can be harmful, even dangerous to trans people to spread claims like this around, especially without evidence. Expecting to die by 30 would take an extreme emotional toll on anyone, and trans people deserve better.

But don’t take my word for it: FORGE, a national transgender anti-violence organization that works with trans survivors of sexual assault, wrote the following in its 2016 publication “First Do No Harm: 8 Tips for Addressing Violence Against Transgender and Gender Non-Binary People” (pdf) (I have moved two footnotes into the main text and provided links to some endnote sources; italicized emphasis is theirs while bold is mine.): 

Promote Hope for the Future

It certainly is not the same as a murder, but publicizing a low “life expectancy” rate for transwomen of color is another way to steal away their future, a “crime” that has been committed repeatedly by trans, LGBQ, and mainstream press. Think about the people you know or have heard of who have been diagnosed with a fatal illness and given a short time to live: how many of them have enrolled in college, undertaken lengthy training for a new occupation, had a new child, or tried to establish a new non-profit? A few do, certainly, but many more focus on their bucket list, arrange for their good-byes, or simply give up entirely, essentially relinquishing whatever time they have left to depression and regrets. When we tell transwomen of color they cannot expect to live very long, we rob them of hope. We rob them of any motivation to invest in themselves, their relationships, and their communities. We rob them, in short, of their lives even while they are still living. (This statement in no way negates the need to systemically work to improve and increase the life expectancy of trans people through working to end transphobia, racism, poverty, pervasive violence, and health and healthcare inequities, and more.)

One trans woman of color was trying to come to grips with an estimated lifespan figure more than ten years shorter than the one that has been published most often. (We are not repeating any of the (incorrect) estimated lifetime figures that are circulating, to avoid even inadvertent reinforcement.) Faced with the report of yet another attack on another trans woman, she wrote:

These days, I look at the latest reports of stabbed, shot, beaten trans women, search myself for tears, and I cannot find a thing. I want to mourn and rage. I want to honor all of our sisters — the hundreds each year who are ripped, namelessly and without fanfare, from this life — who are taken so young before their time. But the grief and anger — even empathy — do not come. I don’t feel anything but numbness and fatigue, and somewhere far below that, fear.

The terrible irony of the life expectancy “fact” is that it is based on an impossibility. The only ways to determine a given population’s life expectancy are to: examine decades or more of death certificates or census data containing the information being studied, or follow a specific set of individuals for around 100 years and record every single death. There is not and never has been a census of transgender people. Our death certificates do not mark us as transgender. There has been no 100-year-long study of a representative group of trans people. So where are the estimated lifespan figures coming from?

FORGE tracked the most commonly-cited figure back to what was most likely the 2014 Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference, where a workshop presenter gave the figure and explained she had calculated it by averaging the age of death for all of those listed on the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) website. This means the figure is actually the average age of those trans people who were both murdered and came to the attention of someone who added them to the TDOR list. Interestingly, this average is very close to the average age of everyone who is murdered in the U.S., according to the U.S. Department of Justice statistics. [I’m not seeing an average age given in the cited source but you can see on page 5 of this Bureau of Justice Statistics report (pdf) that the average age of homicide victims in the U.S. was between 30 and 35 from 1980 to 2008.]

But not everyone is murdered.

Despite how many there may appear to be, only a tiny, tiny fraction of transpeople are killed by other people. Most of us, transwomen of color included, live average lifespans and die of the most common U.S. killers — heart disease, cancer, chronic lower respiratory disease, and unintentional injuries (accidents).

Please don’t add to fear and hopelessness by spreading inaccurate and profoundly disempowering data.

Since I can’t respond to everyone directly, I’m @ing some people who’ve brought this up on my post and may be interested: (urls removed after posting for their privacy). I appreciate your thoughtfulness in bringing this to my attention. If you or anyone else has a source on any of these figures that can provide specific methodology, I’d be very grateful to see that.

In closing, here are some resources that provide a more hopeful view of trans aging. They are well known but I hope they will be helpful to someone.

Jojo Fights

PART I
Jonathan: Sunny Delight Overdrive!
*one meaty Hamon-infused punch into an exploding zombie face*

PART II
Joseph: No, but you see, when you tore off that square of toilet paper, you were not actually destroying my channel of Hamon, but simply bringing the ply that I infused with the Ripple even closer to your face! Now you will say, “But I already wiped my nose with it!”
Pillar Man: But I already wiped my nose with it! *explodes into a pile of molten Aztec god* (Pillar Man, to self: Little does Joestar know that my duodenum has survived his Hamon blow, and shall slip into a Switzerland-bound envelope along with the Red Stone of Aja!)

PART III
Jotaro: Yare yare daze…you though your stand, a werewolf that can turn its claws into knives, could defeat my Star Platinum. But you didn’t prepare for this, the Star Kneecap! *Star Platinum’s kneecap flips over and flies into the air, turning into a moon that burns the werewolf with silver light* ORA ORA ORA!!!

PART IV
Josuke: you thought your broken stand, Blood Sugar Sex Magic, could level this block. But you didn’t count on what I can do with broken things.
*Crazy Diamond reforms a flattened stop sign Josuke is standing on, flinging him directly at the enemy’s face with a hail of punches*
Josuke: DORADORADORA!
Enemy stand user with a normal but mildly uncommon Japanese name: Alright, I’m your friend now.

PART V
*Mista takes a hail of razor tipped leaves to the chest and collapses to the ground.*
Mista: alright, you may have me on all f- threes and another hand, but as soon as I reload, you’re fucked!
*Giorno steps from the shadows*
Giorno: ah, yes, I was also here but decided not to do anything until my friend was eviscerated. *heals Mista* Ah yes, now, Mr. Pischetti N. Meatbalzo, here is another thing my stand can do sometimes.
*Gold Experience punches Pischetti, sending him reeling with sensory overload as he perceives time too fast for his body to handle*
Gold Experience can also do this thing.
*turns one of Mista’s spent shell casings into a scorpion that runs up Pischetti’s trousers. Pischetti then crushes it in a panic, collapsing his own ribcage and killing him instantly.*

PART VI
Vera Wang: ah, you see, you’ve fallen for my trap. You opened a bottle I left on the floor filled with water that reflected the light of my Stand, All Eyez on Me, and now your stomach is going to fill with Sasquatch hair until you turn into a cryptid.
Jolyne: Yare Yare dawa…how pointless. See, I increased the tensile strength of my stomach’s string and had Anasui shape it into a Klein bottle. Now I can never be filled with any kind of cryptid hair.
*Diver Down retracts from Jolyne’s body*
Anasui: can I smell your hair now?
Jolyne: no, Anasui

PART VI
Johnny: Yeah, come out and play, you shit head gunslinger! (To self: calm down Johnny…don’t blow all your fingernails in a panic)
Money Cash: Alright there partner, looks like I found you!
*Johnny fires off three of his fingernails in a panic, missing Money Cash completely*
Money Cash: Now, don’t go getting any crazy ideas. My stand, Sorry Ms. Jackson, prevents any kind of injury unless you beat me in a game of Battleship. Also my cousin has the same stand for some reason.
*Johnny panics again, firing off another 4 fingernails.*
Johnny: Gyro, halp. Gyro, pls.

PART VIII
Sato Aparachin: ah, my stand, Rock Around the Clock, cannot be bested. See, I am a rock human. And despite our many glaring weaknesses and no real advantages, I believe myself invincible!
Josuke: ah, see, but my Stand, Soft & Wet, has plundered your ability to win. I have taken its bubble into myself, so now I can double win!
Sato Aparachin: alright, that hardly seems fair.
Josuke: It isn’t. Can you help me find muh memories?
Sato Aparachin: No, I hate you. Stay away from muh fruit
Josuke: Muh memories!
Sato Aparachin: muh fruit

{PART 20} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; You finally learn the name of the man who destroyed everything you held so dear; while Jungkook comes to the realisation that the last memory he has of you might be happening right before his eyes.

“His heart only ever had one thought, one want - one need. Despite all, in spite of it all…all his heart ever wanted; was her”

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time) 

{Part 1} //{Part 19} {Part 20} {Part 21}

Keep reading

rule breakers. (m)

based on the prompt, “best friend’s sibling au”

pairing:
kim taehyung | reader
genre: fluff, light smut
warnings: slight voyeurism
word count: 20,453
description: there’s some unresolved history involving your best friend’s brother… but hey, maybe some rules are meant to be broken.
author’s note: i get inspired by the oddest little tidbits, and i swear the word count was supposed to be half the amount you see up there. also, say hello to the longest one-shot i’ve done so far.

Originally posted by kths

You have one of the greatest fortunes to be acquainted with the Kims in your first year of primary education, and perhaps it’s what has led you to one of your greatest downfalls (but we’ll get into that later on).

Keep reading

I’m tired of being sad and having no clue as to why I am this way, so I’ll write about the happy bits of me and why I smile. I dance when I’m alone, when the music gets just right and I’m sure that no one is watching, it’s okay to feel lonely, I used to not like the idea of it, but once you’re comfortable in your own skin even depression starts to feel like a breeze. I’m reading a book that says we are the beliefs and thoughts that we think and believe in. So if I say that I’m happy a thousand times, one of those will come back as true. So if I say I’ll find the love of my life some day, some day she’ll appear in front of me while I’m writing another poem. It’s good to have goals, the only goal I’ve ever had up until recently was to keep myself happy with someone else, that’s not a goal, but an illusion. You can’t live your life for someone else, it’s called your life for a reason. Happiness must happen when I say so, so I’m saying so. We bring into this world the kind of kindness that we’ve been dealt, so when I fake a smile, my mother is omnipresent. Although it’s not real, fake it until you make it, right? The book also says, spend more time doing things that make you lose track of time, so I decided to write again and more often than not, to not compare myself to others because once you start doing that, there’s no going back. I don’t write like someone else, I write like myself. I don’t think like anyone that I know, there’s just you and the beautifully twisted world, we’re all trying to find redemption inside of coral skies and trustworthy friends. I would break my own hand to contain my anger, it is contained. Happiness is what we make it, so if I say that it exists, then it will be so. Listening to your guidance, that makes me happy. You know who you are. Breathless to the words, you paint the sunrise with your pinky and promise that as long as I’m here today, tomorrow will not be filled with sorrow. I keep writing letters to the future person that I will be, I wonder if I’ll change. I probably will, we all do in one way or another. I’m the kind of person that snaps a picture of the sky while I’m driving, I’m reckless, but we’re still alive. Life’s too short and I need to be more careful, I’m certain that death has given up a few passes for me. Do you ever feel like you’re running out of time? Like there’s something trying to make a statement, a lost word that even google couldn’t even get its hands on. Do you ever feel like no one’s really listening? We’re all selfish in the end, but the ones that truly listen– they are the ones that I live for. I maintain online friendships better than I do with my siblings, I guess our thinking is just on different frequencies. On the topic of frequencies– the you that you would like to be is out there, you just need to listen. Hear the right words said by the right person and you’ll be in the right spot to be the you that you’d want to be in this life. Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Remember that thing I said about thoughts? Sometimes we just need to let go a little bit, embrace the art of it. To be left to the wind, the unknown will bring us to more adventures and you may not be loved by many, but there’s a chance that you will be– why not take it? I would like to break out of this, I want to smile more and to laugh a little louder, I just want to make myself proud of who I will be versus who I used to be. And you can’t turn back the hands of time, you cannot change your mistakes– they are permanent, but you are not. There is a fire inside of your chest and if you keep suffocating yourself with an indescribable pain then you’ll only suffer in a incomprehensible way. I just want to fill this world with more love and less pain, I see a butterfly and I’m easily distracted– how beauty will fly past you if you’re not even paying attention because you’re so damn sad all of the time. So I drop all signs of negativity and lean towards the positive, I am the only vibe that’ll alter my moods, so I must feel more wealthy than a million silver spoons even if I don’t have any, so I must create the art that likes to spill from my fingertips, we live such short lives– why not be the best version of yourself? Who will you be if tomorrow was your last day on this planet? Will you cry because it’s over? Or will you search the ends of the earth until you’ve found the fountain of youth? I’ve got a secret to share with you. You can be a 100 years old and still have the sweetest smile, you can be in your 20s and have a soul heavy enough to sink the titanic, life is strange, life is strange. We live our youth to buy pretty things, but live our oak days trying to make up more time– it waits for no one, the wrong turn will break you, a simple kiss will turn your thoughts into poetry and a life of self-hate is a road that needs constant validation– why not be your own way out? Be your own lover, be your own brand of music, be your own kind of poem, be your own story of kindness, and if you’re not perfect just look around– nobody is. I’m tired of dreaming, I want to build it instead. You can’t be who you want to be if you’re still having the same thoughts from last year– you can’t change or heal in the right way if you’re not willing to break a few pieces of your heart because the clutter inside of our minds often match the attitude that we give off. So like a quote, so like a poem, so like a bedtime story. If I repeat it enough times, I’ll be happy. I just want to be happy. I just want to let go of the bad feelings. I just want to love myself enough to see a brighter day. You can’t change the world if you can’t even change yourself, right? If I repeat it enough times, then it must be real. I will be happy. Sadness is a crucial emotion because without it, being delighted and euphoric wouldn’t be so dense, but that’s the beauty of the intensity to which we should love ourselves. I want to be so fucking glad to wake up today that it’ll just drown my depression into the white noise. I want to glow in the dark and live like the jellyfishes, give my poetry the immortality to always bring a smile onto the faces of those that love who I am even if I’m a bit flawed because at the end of the day– you’re the only one sleeping on your bed, you’re the only one who’s going to determine if you’ve got enough room to breathe, you’re the only one to have the last say if you’re art or not.
—  I wanted to write something happy for you–
yes, you. The person that’s reading this.
Olivia Puckett as Zoe Murphy

Here, I’m gonna analyze and describe Olivia Puckett’s performance as Zoe Murphy, and the ways in which it differed from Laura Dreyfuss’s. Enjoy!

First of all, Olivia Puckett is a blessing to us all. I love her so much (have you seen her Instagram stories?!) you all have no idea. She was so sweet, so good.

I’ll start from the beginning. Instantly, right as she entered during “Anybody Have a Map” her differences with Laura Dreyfuss were evident. She slouched in her chair, her foot giggling under the table. Also, with Connor, her dialogue was lighter, in a way. She delivered the “He’s definitely high” line almost jokingly, like she was just this younger sister poking fun at her brother. It wasn’t disapproving and harsh the way Laura’s delivery felt.

Even while they were exchanging “Fuck you’s!” they seemed more like siblings messing around than two extremely damaged teenagers taking out their anger on each other. It honestly felt like a normal sibling relationship. She wasn’t even yelling, and neither was Mike Faist. It wasn’t mean or anything. It was. Good.

Even when she marched off the stage, proclaiming that she’d leave without Connor if he doesn’t spead up, I felt as though she wouldn’t leave without him. Like that was yet another joke. No big deal. Like she’d wait in the driveway for him to come, and maybe give him a bit of a hard time about it all later, but that they’d laugh about it next week or something.

Then, she met Evan. She rushed over to him in the middle of WTAW, and he instantly recoiled, his shoulders turning inwards, his eyes on the ground, his hands twitching. She seemed genuinely concerned. Her voice was low, and she seemed to purposefully stay away from him, almost fearful of scaring him, while simultaneously wanting to be closer.

When she called Connor “a psychopath,” it sounded like she was angry with Connor for pushing Evan, who obviously didn’t deserve anything, but wasn’t disgusted or hateful. She didn’t sound like she hated Connor. Or even really disliked him. Just has a stereotypical teenage sibling relationship that’s a bit edgy.

When she walked away– “Okay…Jose…” –she turned around and looked back at Evan before leaving, almost fondly. It almost gave me the impression that this crush was requited, and perhaps had been for some time. That Evan’s love for Zoe wasn’t one-sided, that Zoe didn’t grow into liking Evan throughout the musical, but actually, in fact, liked him before it even began.

She entered, again, before “For Forever” and I could see a physical change that occurred in her during the 10 minutes or so she was off-stage. I could almost see her lose Connor, in that entrance. As she noticed Evan’s presence, she didn’t ask “Why is he here” like “Why is this weird kid in our house” but more like “Why is Evan, who I talked to in the hallway a few days ago, here?

Throughout the dinner before “For Forever,” she did this leg jiggle again. Which was. So fascinating. She had these particular ticks, ones which almost mirrored Evan’s. They seemed like two pieces of the same pie, in their own peculiar way. Simply, if Olivia Puckett announces one day that Zoe Murphy has a minor anxiety disorder, I would believe her in a heartbeat.

When she retorted about good times with Connor, saying that “There were no good times!” she didn’t sound like a possibly abused sibling. She sounded almost angry with herself, as though she was wondering why she didn’t notice something was wrong with Connor, as though she wished she’d tried harder. She didn’t sound like someone who was wronged and was furious, she sounded like someone who was remembering her entire childhood and trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong.

Laura’s Zoe seemed like a young person who suddenly lost control over seemingly everything in her life, someone who was almost drowning. Olivia’s Zoe seemed like a young person who had just temporarily misplaced control, someone who was floating just above the water’s surface.

During “Requiem,” Olivia cried, actually cried, which is something Laura definitely did not do. 

The whole “You were not the monster that I knew” thing was much less believable. But the “You’ve given me my brother back. Thank you.” thing at the end of “You Will Be Found” was so. much. more. believable.

I really felt for Olivia’s Zoe. “Requiem” was when I started crying fully during this performance, rather than during “You Will Be Found” (which normally what gets me). I felt her loss so deeply and profoundly, like she was taking the whole audience on this journey with her.

She truly seemed to mourn Connor, to have loved her brother. She seemed so devastated during “If I Could Tell Her” that she never got to tell Connor what she thought. 

It was just a different kind of loss.

As well, her relationship with Evan was so vastly different. She seemed to be more interested in him specifically and less interested in his connection with her brother. At the end of “You Will Be Found” when she kissed Evan the second time, she kept a hand on his when he pulled away. When he kissed her back, she wrapped her arms around him and like hug-kissed him. In the boot, with Laura Dreyfuss, Evan leaned Zoe into her back on the bed. 

The opposite happened here, with Zoe really taking control of their kissing, pushing Evan into the bed.

Also, during “Only Us” she put a hand on either side of Evan’s face and held him so softly when she sang “We can’t compete with all that” rather than motioning with one hand (see: Laura and Ben’s performance of “Only Us” on Seth Meyers). There was a part where she sat on Evan’s bed and Evan kneeled before her, and she held both of his hands between hers.

They held hands whenever they were together after that, honestly. During “Only Us,” Zoe normally kisses Evan once, at the very end of the song. Here, Olivia kissed Ben three (3) times. Twice while singing and once at the end of the song.

I cannot over-exaggerate the softness in her eyes when she looked at him. In all honestly, y’all, I felt myself really loving their relationship, which isn’t something I did beforehand. 

With Laura’s Zoe, I never would recommend Zoe and Evan being together for their own health. With Olivia’s Zoe, if they had met under different circumstances, if Evan hadn’t lied, I firmly believe that they could’ve had a healthy and happy relationship.

And the kegger skit!!! OMG!! She did the same dorky voice that Evan did with “til your mom gets home” when she said “in three hours!!” and they laughed. They laughed a lot.

It was so interesting to see almost Ben’s reactions as an actor to what Olivia was giving him. This was only the second time they’d ever done the show together in those characters, and it must’ve been so unusual to what he had been doing for the past hundred or so performances.

Zoe was so sweet? And? So strong? And never once mean to Evan? With Olivia, the whole “you don’t have to keep saying sorry….I was a little impressed, you ruined it” thing wasn’t as weird? It didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt like: Zoe liked soft Evan, who apologizes all the time, she just wanted him to be comfortable enough around her to not feel like he had to apologize, rather than wanting him to change.

She felt like a young girl, who had suffered an immense loss, who was coping as best as she possibly could. She wasn’t some semi-popular girl who Evan liked purely because he thought she was hot (neither, of course, is Laura’s Zoe, or any form of Zoe, in fact). She was a multi-dimensional person who existed in her own right outside of anyone else. There was no room to see her as anyone else.

When she found out about Evan’s lie, it was almost more devastating. 

I would have believed her if she had said she loved Evan. 

Laura’s Zoe was angry and possibly depressed. She was desperate to grab a hold onto anything in her life, her life which was quickly spiraling out of control before her eyes. There, Evan seemed like the perfect person to grab onto, someone that was malleable and almost willing to be controlled.

Olivia’s Zoe felt in-control, like she knew what she was doing and knew where she would be in ten years, she just wasn’t there quite yet.

She obviously loved Connor and was mourning his death, but there didn’t seem to be as much guilt involved.

In her final scene, where she met Evan at the orchard, she, like Evan, seemed to have also gone through a metamorphosis. She seemed to have grown so much, and she held her head higher, too, just like Evan. To me, Zoe is a lead character, sharing the female lead title with Heidi Hansen, rather than a supporting character.

I love Laura Dreyfuss with my entire heart and soul, and her Zoe was a very particular character as well. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact differences between her Zoe and Olivia’s Zoe, because they are both truly incredible. Both woman are powerhouses of whom I will forever be in awe. Both portrayals make Zoe a fascinating, dynamic, complex, female character, one that is much, much more than a love interest or plot point. She, in some aspects, feels like the beating heart of the show. It’s hard to put my connection with her into words.

Again, like I said with Michael Lee Brown’s Jared vs. Will Roland’s Jared, neither performance was better. Both are heart-wrenching and powerful and conveyed a message to the audience, reached out and grabbed our hearts in their hands. Both are incredible. Just very, very different.

Essentially, Olivia Puckett’s performance was incredible. Unbelievable actually. Any desire to not want to see the understudies is pointless and wrong, let me tell you. This entire cast and entire crew are the most talented people I’ve ever seen.

Why We Need Stories about Dark Things

One of the things I get tired of from time to time is the perspective that if something shows evil behavior then that means the story, song, game, whatever, is inherently bad. But there is a difference between illustrating evil behavior and promoting it.

Not all appearances of bad behavior invite bad behavior.

While one purpose of storytelling is to entertain, another purpose is to teach or educate–a purpose that in today’s world, most people seem to have forgotten.

A long time ago, there used to be all sorts of horrific stories told. Open Grimms’ fairy tales, and you’ll see that Cinderella really isn’t that Disney-friendly. But often some of those older stories were meant to teach a lesson or scare children into behaving (that latter point is one I personally don’t condone). Horrific things happen in the Bible (and the Book of Mormon). We can often learn from these accounts, but some of them are simply a record of what happened (if you believe in that), whether you like the content or not. It is what it is. Conspiring incest, rape, slaughter, and even cannibalism can be found in scripture stories. In today’s world, most people have been conditioned to believe that stories are only meant to entertain. Or entertain and uplift.

Those two things are valid. But what I get tired of, though, is the perspective that all stories should be full of puppies and rainbows (yeah, that’s an exaggeration, but you know what I mean), and that’s what we should be writing, and if a story is dark, it’s “bad” or lesser or … something.

The World Needs Stories about Dark Things

It’s important we write about what I call “the big and heavies”–rape, addiction, suicide, massacre, societal brainwashing, etc. And when I say “we,” I don’t mean specifically that you or I HAVE to; I mean “we” as in us, writers and creatives everywhere. The world needs creatives who delve into the big and heavies, and here’s why:

1. Stories provide a safe means to explore and discuss dark things

The big and heavies are vital to discuss for a healthy society. We shouldn’t be turning a blind eye to dark deeds. We should be turning the right eye to them. Literature offers a safe way to explore and discuss these issues. It offers some distance (because it’s usually a work of fiction) while simultaneously having the ability to offer closeness–empathy.

Also, fiction provides a type of lens to view these behaviors through. Speculative fiction might have a more exaggerated or symbolic lens, such as the fashion industry of Panem in The Hunger Games, or the discussion of pure bloods in Harry Potter. A lens lets us view the issues in a way that may emphasize certain points or give us a new perspective on them, and again, the distance can provide a bit of a “safe” buffer for readers. We aren’t talking about racism; we’re talking about magical blood–and we can have a whole discussion on it that correlates with issues seen in racism, and no one needs to feel uncomfortable because this is about wizarding blood. Even realistic fiction provides a perspective, though less exaggerated, to see these issues through.

2. Powerful, emotional ramification drives home a point or idea or lesson.

Unlike reading text books or the news, fiction writing often works off making the audience feel something. It appeals to emotional experience, even more than intellectual experience. It is one of the only mediums where we can put on the skin and thoughts of another person.

In parts of society, we try hard to divorce intellect and emotion, but powerful emotional experiences are often what cement ideas and lessons into our minds. Back in the day, fathers used to take their children out to their property line and beat them so that the child would never forget where the property line was. We’ve seen similar conditioning with training wild animals. Both are crude examples, of course, but the emotional experience drove home the lesson. While negative emotions are powerful, this same thing can happen with strong positive emotions. We remember powerful feelings of happiness and of love, and if there are any lessons or insights associated with those, we recall those too.

In fiction, emotional experiences can drive home powerful lessons. And they stick with the audience.

Strong emotional experiences in fiction amplify the conceptual ramifications of dark deeds, and cements into the reader the weight of such behavior, in a way that pure intellect cannot. Once we “experience” an issue, we care more about it. Fiction is a vehicle that allows us to develop and fine-tune our empathetic skills, so we can better understand and relate to those who’ve dealt with such issues.

3. Explore, cognitively, the causes, consequences, and facets of the big and heavies

In the real world, we live our own lives in our own perspectives, and that’s it. In literature, you can include several perspectives of those involved with an issue. You can often see the issue’s causes, consequences, and facets to a degree you may not in your own life. You can see far-reaching effects in a matter of hundreds of pages, rather than decades or hundreds of years. This opens up new ideas, new perspectives on the topic, which leads to more discussion.

4. To provide hope and uplift, in spite of darkness. To overcome.

I sometimes see this weird idea that an uplifting story needs to not cross some invisible line too far into the dark. In some ways, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As a Harry Potter fan, I’ve had friends come up to me and talk about how they’re disappointed that the stories got darker and darker. Maybe I’m weird (okay, there’s no “maybe” about it), but I like that. I like stories getting dark. I like when they get darker and darker. I like my evil, evil. I want the Voldemort who tries to possess Harry to get Dumbledore to kill him. I want the Voldemort who tortured animals as a small child and who murdered others to split his soul into seven pieces. The world is often an evil place. And how much more powerful is it to overcome the bowels of the most wicked, than it is to overcome a guy who shoplifted? I like my evil, evil. Not because I want to be part of the dark, but because I like seeing people overcome it.

A story that includes dark materials can be just as uplifting, if not more uplifting (because of the contrast) than a story that doesn’t. The idea that a story can’t be dark and inspiring is just unfounded.

Every Christmas season, I become a fan of The Trans-Siberian Orchestra all over again. If you’ve never heard of them, you may still recognize some of their most iconic Christmas songs, some of which have gone viral on synchronized Christmas light videos.

What many people might not realize is that each of their Christmas albums actual tells, and comes with, a written story. If you see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra live, they will read the story to you bits at a time, interspersed with music. But not all their stories are about happy sleigh rides, warm fires, Christmas hams, and decorated trees. There are parents who abandoned their disabled children, babies born addicted to crack, love that has been lost. But the stories and albums are uplifting, not because the creators avoided dark subject matter, but because they illustrated the power of overcoming–overcoming difficult times and personal mistakes. It’s hard to make it through one of their performances with a dry eye through the whole thing.

5. To render reality–others’ reality or your own

But some stories aren’t necessarily meant to be about overcoming the dark or inspiring an audience. Some stories are just about reality. Human nature. The natural man. Experiences that people actually go through. Some stories are simply meant to render, often for reasons 1-3. It’s a statement. It’s meant to create social awareness, empathy. Maybe it’s meant to start a discussion. Those stories need to exist too.

Closing Thoughts

Keep in mind that many audiences only see stories strictly as mediums for entertainment and, on a subconscious level, a reinforcement of a positive, maybe even sugary, feelings and ideas. Those audiences may (on a subconscious level) refuse anything that is otherwise, and consider any mention of the dark and heavies as something that shouldn’t be there. That is their right.

And in some cases, they are correct. Some stories do not need and should not have dark content. It doesn’t serve the purpose of the story, it messes up the tone of the story, and it can ruin what was already working. You wouldn’t, for example, put in a serious plot line in The Office about Pam being legitimately raped. It doesn’t fit.

And with all that said, you shouldn’t feel forced to write content you feel very uncomfortable writing. Your work should reflect the writerly you.

Next week, I’ll talk about how to write about dark things without promoting them.

Well…. I’m crying.

No I’m sobbing.

Why?

Well, I’m sobbing because of art.

And the art that caused me to be in this pitiful is none other than ‘Spring Day’ by BTS.

Originally posted by chyogi

'Spring Day’ is easily my favourite comeback so far.

After all, it is the most honest, sincere and beautiful piece they have released.

The song is just so pure, so heart wrenching. The production is fantastic and their voices….

Originally posted by zutterv

Many people say that BTS does not have good vocalists because they cannot hit a lot of super high notes. True, if a voice has all the falsettos in the world in is nothing without emotion. And emotion is something that BTS can deliver not to 100 % but rather to an infinite amount. Their voices carry pain, longing and sincerity.

Originally posted by luvably

Now why am I mentioning sincerity so many times? Well, an artist without having sincerity is a writer with no pen or paper or any method of writing. Sincerity is essential, it is what captures the attention of the listener because it allows the reader to be able to relate. Even if the listener cannot relate he or she might want to retry to understand.

Originally posted by chyogi

Spring Day achieves just that. After all, the song is honest and so is BTS. These are emotions all feel. These are the emotions that remind us that we too are humans.

Originally posted by jengkook

And the music video, of the music video fits so well! The MV creates the feeling that this is not simply an MV, but rather is a coming of age movie, meant to showcase, pain, longing, confusion but also hope.

Originally posted by myjaebutt

Originally posted by joeguk

The shots of the, passing each other, only to at some points get together feel so sad, so painful and interestingly beaver when they are together for me, although there is a lighter feeling it still feels like something is still missing for them. Because they still keep running and they indeed are cut of by the train carrying Jungkook himself.

Originally posted by lostinbangtan

Originally posted by vernontine

Originally posted by vernontine

But at least they are together. At least they no longer have to suffer alone but can share the burdens that they have. They are each others ‘light’

Originally posted by certifiedtaehyung

The MV also allows for so much interpretation from the first watch.

One might take them as a random choice. However, the clothes could also mean that they have let their old selves go. They could mean the they feel worthless, like they can be  called ‘dirty’ at any moment and discarded. Or they could mean that they have washed there ‘stains’, their pain.

Originally posted by helendrv

The scenes at the staircase and at the carousel when they seem unable to find each other can be seen as painful as them losing each other.

Originally posted by taeijin

Originally posted by luhan-vevo

Or it could be that they still haven’t found the others yet. 

Originally posted by jungkook-gifs

Maybe, there are all in front each other…Maybe they haven’t looked properly.

Originally posted by sugajoo


The train with Kookie that passes BTS could mean that Jungkook is leaving the past behind…

Originally posted by cherry-jimin

Or he could simply be going forward, not yet knowing of the people he will get to meet, the same people who are in the same compartment as him.

Originally posted by cherryblossoms-and-cupcakes

And the shoes that hand from the tree… are they can mean death, the murder of their own selves.

Originally posted by minsugago

But they could also mean that BTS has exchanged their pain for appreciating and loving themselves. Because they are no longer alone. No, this time they have each other. And so they are letting their old selves die in hopes for a better future them to be born.

Originally posted by bangbangbangtanx

Originally posted by jjkook

And more interpretations can be made. They just depend on how people feel at the moments and what they want to believe. I like the idea that they simply search for each other, but that proves difficult at first cause they do not know exactly whom they are searching for. I like to believe that this MV is a look, a battle for the future. But I also love reading others interpretations.

Originally posted by parkjiminer

And that is what this song and music video.

So thank you BTS, for once again getting out of you comfort zone and creating this masterpiece.

Thank you for bringing us all together.

Thank you for creating powerful music that speaks to all.

But also there are other people that deserve to be thanked.

Originally posted by changkyuh

People who sit silently and work endlessly to make this happen. Thank you to all the staff and the crew. Thank you to all those who helped make this happen, whether you are the MV director, or the person bringing the brush to the make up people.Because these people are too a huge reason why we have these MVs.

Thank you to all those that help with the creation of the songs.

Thank you to all whom advertise these boys, to all whom support them.

And thank you to my fellow ARMYs, who no matter what shit we get from others, continue to support these boys.

BTS has released one of their most beautiful works yet.

Originally posted by cutiepiebts

So lets support them!

ARMY loves you BTS… I love you BTS!

Thank you for reading!

Originally posted by quixoticism101

PS… Who’s ready for Not Today? Not me that’s for sure

Ecstatic Witchcraft

This is a post a long time in the making, as it is something I’ve wanted to share for a while now, just because it is such an important part of my own craft. There is something truly magical about it and is, for me, something both very humbling and very empowering; as such, it is something that I think is worth sharing.

Foremost, the question to address is: What is ecstatic witchcraft? And one not so easily answered, as there cannot be any one way in which it is performed. It can (I think) be described as a form of trance magic, though its expression is not wholly tied to trance in the traditional sense. In essence, it is a surrendering of self and its simultaneous expression. It is a temporary shedding of the façade one erects to survive, Freud called it the superego and without it, so too falls away the ego. The goal of ecstatic witchcraft – if it can be called a goal – is to allow the id to manifest unencumbered, a means of channeling the primality. Of course, this manifests in innumerable ways and no two sessions would ever be the same, hence why it can be so tricky to pin down precisely.

I’ve found that – and it continues still – that the witchcraft community (predominately) has long perpetuated the notion of control as being paramount to success, and while this may be true to some extent, I believe the converse must also be explored. There is law and there is rigidity, there is correspondence memorization and a lot of book work: and this makes sense! For the last century (and in times before), this has been the main means of information acquisition. While it is not uncommon for witches to join groups, covens, etc., I’m willing to bet that most practicing witches were indoctrinated through solitary study. Again, there is nothing wrong with this, and I, myself, am contributing to this reservoir of written information as I type! But, as I mentioned, while I did my fair share of book work and memorization, the heart of my Craft has always been exploration. Tradition is important, but it’s never been enough for me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: the best way to learn is to do. There will be mistakes; you will come to conclusions only to find things that defy them; you will learn to correct; you will learn to be skeptical, but not judgmental. You will learn there are a thousand purported ‘right’ ways, and then you will find your own. Nothing is static.

How does this relate then, to ecstatic witchcraft? It is a means by which to connect to that instinct: that intuition that drives us – shedding preconceived notions and allowing the opportunity for exploration through action. And action, I feel, is the root of ecstatic magic.

How To Perform Ecstatic Witchcraft

As I mentioned previously, there is no right way and I can only provide to you a number of facets of expression that are conducive to ecstatic witchcraft. These are by no means the only facets, and as always, I encourage you to explore what works for you.

  • Speak – It may seem counterintuitive to what I have said, for is speech not a construct? It is, but there is power in vocalization, even if speaking unintelligibly. This is an extension of opaque language – or language spoken ceremonially as a means of excluding those who are not privy to the religious tongue – and moves into the realm of glossolalia. Rarely do I include verbal scripts to be read in the things I post, as I find that they detract from the working themselves, instead encouraging those performing to speak what comes. This is a more controlled form of ecstatic witchcraft – bound by intention, time, and often language itself. Here, let all that fall away and simply: Speak.
  • Move – Ecstatic witchcraft, for me, is all about energy: movement, especially. It is best not to go into it with any plan, simply follow where your body takes you. If it says run, run; if it says dance, dance; if it says squat and howl like a wolf, by gods do it! It is for this and many reasons that ecstatic magic should be done in a controlled setting, normally somewhere safe – but I should mention, this need not be done alone! Ecstatic witchcraft can just as easily be done in groups, though it can get a little more dangerous, considering the id is often noted as being the seat of sexuality and aggression. I also recommend putting sharp objects away – you never know what the hype might bring – but hey, sometimes you just really need to throw a knife; perform responsibly.
  • Draw/Write – Admittedly, some of my coolest and most profound sigils have come from ecstatic sessions! There is something in me that always wants to take chalk and just go to town on every surface around – overtaken by mania. Automatic writing is related, in some ways, though often it is used with intent: channeling a specific spirit, deity, etc. Ecstatic magic requires no such formalities, bending to the whims of all and none, the witch is then but an instrument of the spirit: of the cosmos.
  • Laugh – Laughter is powerful.
  • Instruments – If you have at your disposal some musical instruments (I prefer maracas and tambourines), bring them in! And forget what you think you know about music, just roll with it. Hell, if you want to continuously shake a maraca and scream with one foot in the air, do it. Again, it’s all about energy, and instruments bring their own, unique vibes to the table.

Entheogens – *at your own risk; use responsibly* Sure, they might compromise some of the safety, but they also bring an entirely new level of exploration. For some. My use of entheogens in the past have always been hit-or-miss; sometimes they are conducive and other times they are hampering. Know what works for you, and be careful: you don’t want to show up at the nearest E.R. naked, tripping on an unknown substance with a painted face and defiantly shaking a maraca.

Sex – This harkens back to what I said about working in groups, sometimes there is a power in it, and the same can be said for adding sex in. When working with others, always plan for the possibility of sex! Especially with who you invite in, and in regards to safety. I don’t know the last time it was used, but the “It was for ecstatic witchcraft” excuse will not hold up: while it may sound like a damper, J.I.C. consent agreements and activity do’s and don’t’s should always be agreed upon beforehand, and should always be open to amendment. If you really want to, draw a circle: anyone who leaves it is has removed themselves from the session and should not be addressed until they reenter of their own accord.


With that, I hope it is becoming clear what ecstatic witchcraft is (or can be), its benefits and how it isn’t really all that new a concept. It is, for me, a profound experience every time – I come out feeling energized, powerful, but also with a new frame of mind, having shed societal constriction and attuned with both the divine and animalistic parts of myself – if even for a moment. In that it is humbling, and it is empowering.


Photo: Maenads, John Collier 

Truth: Arrow 5x20 Review (Underneath)

Arrow isn’t a perfect television show. To be fair, I don’t know one that is, but I never needed Arrow to be perfect.  All I need from Arrow is a good story.  My frustrations with Oliver and Felicity’s break up, and the Baby Mama storyline, aren’t a secret. I found their break up to be wildly problematic on multiple levels. However, the one caveat I always held to was if Arrow can piece together some interesting character growth for Oliver and Felicity it would go a long way of easing my ruffled feathers. We’ve been dealing with the ramifications of Oliver’s lie about William since 4x08. That’s 35 episodes. We’ve waited a long time for Oliver and Felicity’s individual arcs to come to fruition.

The wait was worth it. At least for me.

Our perceptions of “good story” vary as widely as our perceptions of “perfect” but “Underneath” is a good story for me.  It’s almost perfect. 35 episodes. This road was long. It was hard but, in the end, I feel like I understand. It connects all the dots that need to be connected (and some I didn’t expect) while delivering some real character development that feels earned.

In the midst of the crazy world of arrows, masks, Mirakuru soldiers, 15 different canaries and Barry Allen resides the relationships between Oliver and Felicity

and Original Team Arrow. 

These characters, and the love they have for one another, is the sanity in all the madness. It’s the real in the fiction. Oliver, Felicity and Diggle are the beating heart of Arrow for a reason. The love we have for these characters is the reason we watch and “Underneath” returns Arrow to center. It focuses on the love stories that made us fall in love with the show. In particularly, it brings Oliver and Felicity’s individual arcs to fruition and FINALLY merges their roads into one again.

Trust. Honesty. Forgiveness. Compassion. Humility. These aren’t always popular concepts in our society, but they are the building blocks to any relationship. You lose one, the whole house can come down on you. Love feels like it has its own inertia, like it chooses you and not the other way around. And maybe that’s true. Maybe we can’t choose who we love.  However, we can choose how we love.

If you are either Team Felicity or Team Oliver in the break-up- Baby-Mama-drama then there’s probably things about “Underneath” you didn’t like. As for me, I believe there are things both Oliver and Felicity need to learn from the breakup and “Underneath” addresses those things. But more than anything, I am ready for Arrow to rebuild what they broke. I am ready for Arrow to fix it. Are you?

Buckle up. This is, by far, my longest review. We’re going all the way back to the pilot and discuss about five different episodes. This took me about 22 hours to write. No need to comment on how long it is. I am well are.

Let’s dig in…

Keep reading

 SO LIKE BRACE YOURSELVES BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING LONG AND I WOULD APOLOGISE BUT MY OTP IS ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONCE SO FUCK IT RIGHT?

OK FIRST OF ALL HELLA TRANSITION AND SECOND OF ALL I LOVE WHAT HE’S WEARING AND THIRD OF ALL HE WORE THE FUCKING EARRING OF MY DEMISE I HATE HIM

AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EYES AND HIS STUPID PERFECT JAWLINE AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EVERYTHING

GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WE GET TO SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. STEP FATHER AND BEST MAN LIKE SO MANY FUCKING TEARS ALREADY

YOU KNOW HE’S SEEN HER. LOOK AT HIS DAMNED FACE. AND SHE’S FUCKING STUNNNINGGGG IN HER DRESS SO I DON’T BLAME HIM AT ALL FOR THIS REACTION LOL

AND THEN FUCKING LOOK AT THIS RIGHT? SNOW IS TAKING DEEP BREATHS, CHARMING IS JUST HAPPY AF AND EMMA FUCKING SWAN IS LOOKING AT KILLIAN JONES AND SHE CAN’T TAKE HER EYES OFF HIM

ANYMORE THAN HE CAN TAKE HIS EYES OFF HER

LOOK AT THIS LOVE DAMNIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE’RE GETTING TO SEE THIS FUCK

LOOK AT THIS DUMB LITTLE FAMILY AND HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. I LOVE THAT THEY’RE BOTH WALKING HER DOWN THE AISLE AND BOTH HOLDING HER AS SHE GOES AND I’M JUST SO DAMN HAPPY

LOOK AT THIS. FUCKING WHAT IS THIS WITH THE SMILING AND THE KISSING THE CHEEKS

WHAT IS THIS WHO AUTHORISED THIS? TAKE IT AWAY IMMEDIATELY

AND THIS FUCKING HANDSHAKE?! REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ALL YOU CAN’T EVER DATE MY DAUGHTER EVERRRRR EVER EVER EVER AND NOW FUCKING LOOK. THEY’RE BROS. SUCH BROS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS HOW MANY EMOTIONS I HAVE RN

OMFG LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS THAT HE’S GOT HER HAND IN HIS. THAT DAMN SMILE THAT WON’T QUIT

AND OK WHEN ARCHIE SAYS THAT THEY SHOULD RECITE THEIR VOWS KILLIAN LOOKS AT WHO I’M ASSUMING IS CHARMING OR HENRY, OR PERHAPS THE WHOLE FAMILY, JUST GIVING THEM A SMILE AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID EMMA SWAN FIND A FAMILY, KILLIAN JONES DID TOOOO

LOOK AT THEM DAMNIT, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING HAPPY ARE OMFGGG

AND THE VOWS, THE DAMNED FUCKING VOWS OMFG THE WAY HE FUCKING LOOKS AT HER

AND THE WAY SHE FUCKING LOOKS AT HIM

AND THE FUCKING AWE IN HIS FACE WHEN HE’S LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME THAT A HEART FULL OF LOVE WAS MORE PRECIOUS THAN ANY TREASURE LIKE HE NEVER THOUGHT IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS THAT THIS COULD EVER FUCKING HAPPEN FOR HIM

AND NOW THAT HE HAS IT, HE WILL NEVER FUCKING LET IT GO AND I AM DEAD AND GONE, A SPIRIT IS TYPING THIS RN

AND FUCK LOOK AT HIM TELLING HER HIS HEART IS HERS

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE OMG I AM SO EMOTIONAL *THROWS THINGS* *THROWS ALLL THE FUCKING THINGS*

I AM GONNA THROW MY COUCH AT SOMEONE NOW BECAUSE DID YOU HEAR HOW SHE SAYS KILLIAN? ALL SOFT AND TENDER AND LIKE SHE LOVES HIM.

AND OMG HENRY FOUND HER AND THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT HENRY TOO. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS ROOM THAT I AM IN PAIN AND FUCKING LOOK AT THE SOFT WAY THAT KILLIAN LOOKS AT HENRY TOO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

AND HENRY GOD HENRYYY I AM SO PROUD OF HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE JUST BELIEVED AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE ALL COME FUCK ME

AND SHE FOUND THE REST OF HER FAMILY TOO BECAUSE OF HENRY

AND THEY’RE HERE ON HER FUCKING WEDDING DAY TO HER FUCKING TRUE LOVE OMFG I AM OVERWHELMED

AND SHE LOOKS AT HIM RIGHT AND SHE’S TELLING HIM THESE THINGS ABOUT TRUE LOVE AND FAMILIES

AND FUCK ME IF KILLIAN JONES ISN’T COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IN AWE OF THE WOMAN IN FRONT OF HIM. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT KILLIAN JONES THINKS THAT EMMA SWAN IS MAGIC AND HE IS BESOTTED WITH HER ANEW EVERY SECOND THAT HE LOOKS AT HER

AND THIS MOMENT AND EMMA’S VOWS AND OMFG JUST BECAUSE YOU LEARN THAT YOU COME FROM TRUE LOVE DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL FIND IT

AND YET HERE HE IS AND HERE SHE IS AND IT TOOK CENTURIES AND CURSES AND ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME AND REALMS AND FUCKING

NOW THEY STAND HERE AND SHE SMILES AT HIM THIS WAY 

AND HE SMILES BACK AND THEY HAVE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEM YOU KNOW? ALL YOU EVER REALLY WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO KNOW YOU, TO SEE YOU, TO KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR WEAKNESSES, YOUR FAILURES, YOUR SUCCESSES AND TO LOVE YOU ANYWAY. 

AND THEY HAVE THAT AND THEY’RE PROMISING TO NEVER LEAVE

AND GODDDDAMN EVERYTHING HELLLLP BECAUSE HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK MY EMOTIONS ARE SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WITH MYSELF I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

AND OK SHE’S PUTTING THE DAMN RING ON AND HE CAN’T STOP STARING AT HER. LIKE HE JUST KEEPS LOOKING AT HER AND SHE IS FUCKING STUNNING, I DON’T BLAME HIM

HANDSSS HANDS ARE THE REASON FOR MY BEING A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR

HANDS AND THE WAY THEY’RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

AND THE WAY HE SAYS I DO, HIS EYES UNWAVERING FROM HERS

AND THE WAY SHE DOES THE FUCKING SAME *SLAMS KEYBOARD* WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, IT WON’T FUCKING STOP LIKE OMFGGGGGG 

ARCHIE IS ME HERE. HE GETS ME. HE TOO IS MARVELLING AT THE PERFECTION THAT IS THE JOY OF CAPTAIN SWAN.

HUSBAND. AND. WIFE. THE. FUCK. WHAT. HOW. I. CANNOT. BELIEVE

THIS FUCKING PERFECTION I CANNOT DAMN BELIEVE DAMN FUCK

AND I THOUGHT I HAD DIED ENOUGH BUT NO, THERE WAS A FUCKING DIP, HIS HAND CLEAR FUCKING AROUND HER WAIST AND COMING BACK AROUND AND THEN FUCKING

YOU GOT YOUR HAPPY ENDING SWAN LIKE KILLIAN FUCKING JONES AND FUCKING EARRING

AND THEN OK, LEAVING ALONE THE DEVASTATING SMILES AND THE CONTENTMENT RADIATING OFF THEM

AND THE ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER AND THE FUCKING FUCKING EARRING

LEAVING ALONE ALL THIS, YOU HIT ME WITH A HAPPY BEGINNING?! THIS IS UNFAIR AND I AM IN TEARS AND I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH. I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS

*FALLS OVER*

someone gimme a hug pls

so uh, i’m having an emotional crisis since voltron ended and i just?? want more??? i haven’t pined for a series like this in so long ahahaha

so now have that blade-of-marmora!galra!keith + altean!lance au that nobody probably wants feat. eventual mutual pining

Inspired by this art of rachelhuey (thank u for letting me running away with your ideas!!!)

Keep reading

12x21: it’s not all bad

This is a review of 12x21 that ends on a positive note.

I will expand further here why I think this episode was badly written and poorly executed, but did further the overall positive outlook for the season.

Important first impression:
- The overall season arc plot points (and therefore not written specifically by Bucklemming) were greatly moved forwards.
- The points that were just relevant to this episode and were painful, unnecessary and not even used well or referenced by the actual protagonists were all Bucklemming.

1. Eileen. Fucking Eileen, man.

Originally posted by peter-pantomime

She didn’t have to die. She didn’t have to die like that. She didn’t have to die like that and then have barely any real reaction from Sam and Dean about it

Where was Sam’s textualised pain? Where was the Red Meat parallel of Dean having to console Sam? I know he looked a bit anguished but I’m putting this down to Jared and direction, not the writers. 

However, I am going to give the smallest part of the benefit of the doubt and parallel this with Sam’s reaction to Dean about Cas, where Sam is all business and logic, trying to lessen the pain that way, rather than it being not caring.

BUT… how does this further Sam’s personal arc? He is supposed to be reconciling the hunting life and his previous want to get out? Killing off any friends and potential endgame love interests does this how? If I was Sam now after this as an example of the pain, I would want out NOW! NO MORE SAM AND DEAN HUNTING, SAVING PEOPLE, THE FAMILY BUSINESS. IT MAKES NO SENSE. 

On top of this, after all the heavy Saileen/Destiel parallels written by the same writers and the theme of Dean opening up more and realising that emotions should be voiced, how does this further Dean’s arc of realising he should just tell Cas how he feels before it’s too late?

It was a massive opportunity WASTED for not just endgame Saileen but also how her death could have been a valid character development moment for both of them.

These are the only valid reasons Eileen should have been killed off - to be referenced in some way by the protagonists. Even Charlie’s unnecessary death was a lazily written ‘turning point’ for Dean’s MoC fall into Darkness. But instead we have…well, nothing really.

I hope the writers of the next episodes maybe pick up on it and it’s just a delayed reaction otherwise it is just such a waste.

Destiel side note: Yes I did see that Crowley called Cas their ‘love slave’. I would flail about this except as I was saying with @elizabethrobertajones yesterday, there is so much real Destiel fodder now it kind of is not that important. HOWEVER I stick to the fact that Lucifer has been inside Cas and canonically knows how he feels and Crowley also knows how they both feel. So I guess, small wins and all that.

2. Mary.

Mary believes she used to have Free Will. Well, that hurts because we know it isn’t true (cupid). 

BUT Mary prefers to die rather than kill innocents (yes, thank you, redemption arc). Mary cannot break out of the brainwashing when Dean pleads with her (thank you Cas 8x17 mirror - found family is stronger than blood family and all that).

Mary must have had an inkling but now it has been voiced on the show that :  A. John was a child abuser and B. that Mary now knows

We have all been waiting for this since 12x01 so YES good thank you. Plot line moved forwards.

Dean is going to confront her about Azazel in 12x22….Now I’m assuming she is either brainwashed and he is trying to jump her out of it with harsh words or she is out of it already and Dean is just so fucking DONE that it comes out. This will be so interesting I’m actually kind of sad they’re back to back so we won't have time to process what seems to be going to be an amazing episode character wise.

3. Lucifer.

I mean, Chuck how lazy was that? “The polarity is reversed’. Jeez. Ok but, so Crowley is a rat, OK. Whatever.

Lucifer’s plot line though…

THIS IS THE BIG PLOT POINT FOR ME THAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT FROM THIS EPISODE:

Originally posted by faramaiofnerdwoodforest

Lucifer thinks he has won.  He is on top of the world.  “MY SON”.

Yes. Your son, who will be your downfall, who is the sunrise, who will bring the world to it’s feet (yes, again, sorry, I believe @amwritingmeta is totally right about this).

Who is being aided by your perfect mirror - the Fallen Angel who loves Humanity, while you hate it. Who doesn’t give a damn about God anymore, while you crave his attention. Who is constantly linked to the SUN.

I keep harping on that is time for Cas to be the Hero

He was a hero as part of TFW in season 4 and in season 5, in season 6 he was the hero even though he thought he should lie to Sam and Dean to do so, in order to protect them (hello 12x19), yes he went behind their backs but he stopped the second apocalypse ON HIS OWN. Since then it is just one big ball of hazy messes on everyone’s sides, meanwhile Cas has been getting more depressed, suicidal and full of self doubt.

THIS IS HIS HERO ARC. This is the culmination of his self worth arc, his faith arc, his Humanity arc.

This child will restore balance but it will also help to restore Cas’s faith in himself and self worth through his CHOICE to help it and convince Sam and Dean of it. 

There is a reason I think Cas seems brainwashed, because he is much more the old Castiel now than the broken shell that is Cas, not in terms of being brainwashed by Heaven etc but his self assurance and faith, while at the same time still being CAS. 

We are always talking about Sam and Dean reconciling the different parts of themselves together, THIS IS IT FOR CAS. 

This is the best that he can be and if this isn’t the case and he is brainwashed past the season finale then honestly I don’t even know what their endgame is other than to just kill all of TFW and their fans painfully.

So yeah, Cas is the hero. He will convince the boys of the righteous cause, they will be Team Free Will again. 

Cas literally IS the sunrise and so is the child.

Meanwhile, Lucifer thinks he is on top. He thinks he has won when actually he has brought defeat on himself.

I love this.

star-anise  asked:

I challenge you to retell any piece of Jack or Bitty's college years as a series of in-universe RPF callout posts

**whispers** dammit this is clever and I’ve never done a real callout post so let’s see how this goes

*clears throat, we’re now in the land of my UBER SUCESSFUL in-universe rpf blog. My character will be one of an ex-Pimms shipper who’s been jaded by the discourse surrounding Jack’s OD.* 

Here’s a brief coverage of Fall Semester of Year Two: 

Keep reading

WHAT ALL ASTRO BLOGS NEED TO HEAR

After being in the astro community for quite a while now, I’ve noticed a number of different ways that people make mistakes and assumptions. I’m very passionate about the way that astrology is received by the world, and I want it to be a practice that is RESPECTED and possibly even accepted by everyone (eventually). Here are some ways that astro blogs tend to invalidate astrology.

*DISCLAIMER* - I am not targeting any specific people. I’m a Virgo moon, and I only want people to become better astrologers and improve the way astrology is used on this website. And I also want everyone to think more before they post! I’m a naturally critical person and want to fix things, but I don’t want anyone to take personal offense to it (my Libra mars wouldn’t like that!). 

- Using sun sign alone. People rely heavily on sun-sign ONLY astrology. Why do people insist on only talking about sun signs? This is just one slice of someone’s personality - there is a whole chart that needs to be looked at, showing that each person has many other qualities other than the ones expressed by their sun. This is not real astrology, and never has been. This is the astrology created by popular media. Most people will not relate to their sun sign in posts anyway unless the post is about their ego, central identity, and general personality. Most astro bloggers make posts that are not about those things, yet they still insist on writing using sun sign instead of another planet that would be much more accurate. Before you write, think about which planet it would REALLY apply to. Please read my post here for a more detailed explanation of this.

- Forgetting your audience. When reading posts, most people ASSUME that the sun sign is the placement the post would apply to. For example, if the post says “Aquarius in love”, 99% of people (especially newcomers to astrology) try to relate it to Aquarius sun - when in fact, this would need to relate to Aquarius venus since venus is the planet of love. Aquarius suns would not have the qualities that this post describes, unless they have an Aquarius venus as well. Even some highly respectable blogs do this - they forget their audience. They don’t realize that most people don’t understand the way the planets work. I see this most often with sun sign posts, but it could also be true for others. Like, there could be a post about the moon signs that really would actually relate more to mercury. The idea is, remember that people don’t know right off the bat which placement the post would apply to. Help them out! Less people will write off your posts as inaccurate if you do this anyway.

- Including the 13th sign Ophiuchus. Just, no. Please don’t. This was a hoax created by NASA to try to prove astrology false. Astrology isn’t based on the constellations anyway, so there is no 13th sign. It’s based on the sections of the sky - they just happen to be named after certain constellations. The signs haven’t shifted. Read my post here about this for more information.

- Generalizing the signs. “Geminis are talkative and full of gossip!!!” “Cancers are soooo emotional and cry all the time!!!” “Leos want to hog the spotlight 24/7!!!!” Honestly, generalizing only leads to people getting upset. Not to mention the fact that it’s completely inaccurate. Most Geminis are not gossipy, most Cancers are not crybabies, and most Leos are not attention hogs. This could even happen with other planet placements (like moon signs or rising signs), I just happen to see it mostly with sun signs. These kind of posts are made by the same people who tend to only write about sun sign away. Read a real description of the sun signs (I recommend cafeastrology.com), or don’t say anything at all. The signs are complex, and can’t be labeled. Also, people don’t realize that all placements and signs can be either introverted or extroverted. They assume that the air/fire signs are extroverted and the earth/water signs are introverted. Sun signs cannot be limited to one personality type - not to mention the fact that the expression of introversion vs. extroversion is actually shown by the rising sign because that is the “shell” that the world sees. See my post here about how the rising signs can be both introverted and extroverted.

- Grouping the signs into categories. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen a post where half of the signs will be in one category and half of the signs will be in another. This isn’t accurate astrology. Signs cannot be grouped or limited - they are unique, and have 12 individual forms of expression. Limiting them to two or three categories makes astrology simple and trite, when in fact it is extremely complex (but fascinating). It’d be one thing if they grouped them by element (earth, air, water, fire), modality (cardinal, mutable, fixed), but most don’t even do that. It’s literally random most of the time. If you’re going to group the signs, at least offer an explanation why you put each sign in each category.

- Dismissing signs or placements as simply compatible or incompatible. Let’s be real here - each sign has the potential to be compatible with ANY sign. Also, compatibility should focus more on moon or venus sign as opposed to sun sign. Sun sign compatibility just determines the kind of general energy that would surround the relationship. Compatibility is complex. Instead of saying whether or not two people are compatible, say WHY. Show, for example, how their moon signs are different elements, how their venus signs are sextile, and how their rising signs are sister signs. Show how one person’s moon sign is the same sign as the other person’s sun sign. Compatibility is really about connections, anyway. Read my post here for more information.

- Basing astrology just on people you know. Not all Scorpios are energetic just because your best friend is. The reality is, your friend is a Sagittarius rising with an Aries mars. This has nothing to do with her being a Scorpio. When you make posts basing the information solely on one or two people you know, this is spreading false information. This could mean that readers would then assume in the future that all Scorpios are energetic just from reading your post. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people believe everything they read. Especially if they’re beginners to astrology. Please do your best not to influence them to make assumptions.

- Posting without knowledge. You’d be surprised how much this one comes up. If you don’t know a lot about Taurus moons, don’t make a post about them. Simple as that. Play to your strengths to avoid spreading false information. Again, people believe everything they read more often than you think.

- Giving astrology a bad name. Astrology is fun. If you’re reading this, you probably would agree with me. But, there’s a difference between “fun” astrology that is accurate and “fun” astrology that just makes astrology a complete joke. “The signs as types of peanut butter” doesn’t improve people’s knowledge at all. I mean, sure, you could say it’s funny, but it really isn’t. It’s just pointless, and only serves to make readers think that astrology is a joke. Most people who make these don’t consider that people look at them and assume that that’s all astrology is. Every post you make is influencing people’s perception of the subject. Again, at least offer an explanation for WHY an Aries would sleep with five pillows if you’re really going to make a post about the number of pillows the signs sleep with. Chances are, you don’t have one anyway. Sure, you can say all you want that I’m “taking the fun out of it!!!!” or something. But I’m really not. I just want astrology to be perceived as something that really works, not something people make fun of. I’m sick of people laughing at astrology for the wrong reasons - and joke posts are not helping. You can make astrology accurate AND funny. Here’s an example of a post I made about the venus signs that people found amusing, yet also related to at the same time.

// THE!! BEST!! GIFT!! EVER!! IS!!
M E M E S!!!!
kind of nsfw, at least implied.

{ Valentine’s day special }

Zen:

- He’d gotten the whole shebang, like every cheesy gift imaginable. Everything. Who is this man, why is he like this.

- You just slowly slide an envelope over the table– he gets really excited and starts to open it with a huge smile on his face; you have to bite your cheek to contain yourself.

- When he gets it open, it’s literally pouring out valentine’s day cards with memes on them

- ” Wait what is this? Spell lana backwards? … OH”

- He’s laughing while he’s opening them because he didn’t know what he expected but not this?

- “ Looks like someone’s getting cremè bru-laid toni– M C ”

- Keeps them because he thinks they’re funny and just so you. Trust me, he’ll go through with everything that’s written on those cards if you know what i’m dayin wink wonk

Jumin:

- Honestly don’t give it to him out front like hide little sticky notes around the house for him to find

- He’ll be at work two weeks after valentine’s day and he just finds
“ you’ll be making MY kitten purr tonight“ WITH A PICTURE OF ELIZABETH THE 3RD

- Calls you and asks how many of these you made because he finds them at random, he found one in the oven like?? when did you have time for this

- He recognizes V’s ugly writing on a few of them and he’s going to fight that man for helping you with this

Yoosung:

- He was so so scared for valentine’s day– what if you didn’t like his gift? He just went with what Jaehee told him to get and rolled with it.

- He’s stuttering and nervous, you slide him a card. incognito. If you had sunglasses, they would have been worn.

- You got him a video game!! And he’s excited, but confused when there’s no disk?? it’s just cardboard with something written on it

- “ the only thing you’ll be playing with is me tonight. ”

- VISIBLY SWEATING AS HE SPITS OUT HIS DRINK

Jaehee:

- she’d have none of your bullshit honestly

- She saw you making cards and she just cannot believe this she runs whenever you chase her with them in hand

- “ damn girl, you optimus fine ”

- S TO P

- “ let’s get together and have some shrex because i’m not ogre you ”

- N O

- “ id let you in my swamp ”

- SHES ABOUT TO BURN THE HOUSE STOP

Seven:

- oh look at that you both had the same idea

- He makes his hand made memes into paper planes and sends them to you via flight through the living room

- “ let’s bop bop bop ur top off ”

- of course you HAVE to send one back I mean it’s just common courtesy!

- fucking looses it at
“ ravioli ravioli give me the dickioli ”

- this goes on all night until the living room is COVERED in these cards

- poor saeran is surrounded by your sins when he wakes up look what you’ve done you’ve soiled him

V:


- V is the sweetest on valentine’s day okay he gets you roses, gives you massages with nice vanilla candles all around, ( he’s a god with his hands trust me trust me) kisses, chocolates, wine, he’s basically your servant for the day and you over here givin him some memes? smh who are you

- no but seriously, he would think it’s the cutest thing. especially handmade, look at your creativity! what a nerd

- hey he can spice things up too– He’s not stale, he’s a cool kid too MC. But his memes are wholesome with some sexual innuendo but mainly wholesome

- “ You take my breath away ”
WITH A SHITTY DRAWN INHALER AA MY MAN

- Most sexual has to be
“ Ill turn you on! ”
on top of your laptop, he’s so cute and blushy when you find it

Saeran:


- he’s concerned for your wellbeing because you’re laughing so hard at the stack of valentines in his hand

- “ I think you’re eggstaordinary?? I want to see your hard drive— MC what is this EXPLAIN”

- He’s laughing too because he honestly can’t believe this you worked so hard on these

- He loves you so much his heart hurts because of it— you’re so silly and goofy and it makes him so happy? but these are terrible who taught you how to meme? let the master show you how it’s done ~

How to become a good student (again) 3: Yearn for friendship - not worship; not debasement

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

‘tis done! This beast just got longer and longer, so I decided to cut it down a bit for the sake of readability. But let me know if there’s something that was too vague - the nuance might have got lost in the editing process.

Alright, let’s get down to business (to defeat! The Huns!)! So, if you’re an ex-good student, I’m pretty sure that you know this static in your head, right? Whenever you really need to do something but you just can’t get up and do it, so you keep procrastinating even though you hate it and keep scrolling and scrolling or gaming and gaming and feel more and more guilty?

Well, it might not be the most immediate analogy, but for this post I want you to consider that what connects you and your subject of study is essentially a relationship and that this static is (among other things) an indicator of how screwed up your relationship is. Just like with real people, your relationships with subjects can either

  • prosper and bear fruit (me & Creative Writing)
  • become cold and distant (me & French)
  • or, worst of all, turn sour and actively harmful. (me & PE, back in school)

Now, nobody likes to hear that they’re relationship-ing wrong. And it is true that different approaches work for different people. But here are the counter-productive relationships that I’ve personally ended up in and I’m gonna show you how I got into and out of them, so you can try to do the same. Maybe it’ll help you lift that static from your head.

Side-Note: Always remember that, since your subjects are just that (subjects), and not real people, you are the only one who can actually mend these relationships and, conversely, you are the one who screwed them up in the first place (probably with good intentions, though).

So, we’ll take them in this order:

1) Overeager Debasement

2) Undereager Debasement

3) Worship


(Oh, and in case you wanna catch up:

Masterpost 

Part 1

Part 2)


1) Overeager Debasement

What is it?

The desire to do everything, perfectly, at the same time, right now. Not to limit yourself to just one field of study, but to master them all, to reign supreme above knowledge, to keep your mind wide open to new possibilities, similarities and contradictions.
You overvalue your own capacities and undervalue the needs and difficulties of your subject.
(also refer to the first post for this)

How did you get here?

(read picture from right to left)

So. Many. Possible. Reasons.

  • it’s a cage. The idea of doing just one thing for the rest of your life scares you and you feel imprisoned at the thought of it
  • you know that you could be outstanding if you applied yourself
  • you know that you could be even more outstanding if you became accomplished in multiple fields
  • you want to find connections between fields nobody’s ever considered before
  • you feel like you’ve wasted your last few years and need to catch up to others
  • you’re afraid that you’re not good enough
  • you’re afraid of being ignorant
  • you’re arrogant

No matter the reason (I’ve gone through them all), people caught in this state of mind shovel more and more onto their plate.
And then wonder why they can’t swallow it all.

What do you think you’re doing?

A labour of love, most likely. You think you love languages and sciences and athletics and programming and cooking and hanging out with friends and being alone and so you just want to do it all!
You don’t want to limit yourself! You don’t want to lose any time! But there’s just so much and you have so little energy and ugh, if only I wasn’t destined for greatness, then I could relax like other little people, but no, I need to keep pushing! In every! Direction! At the same! Time!

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend who gets up at 6am, watches the sun rise, does yoga, eats a healthy breakfast, goes for a quick run, comes back home, answers all correspondence, is artistic for a few hours, then scientific for a few hours, then social for a few hours and ends the day with tiny masterpieces in each area, goes out with friends or family to grab a healthy dinner and goes to sleep, happy and balanced :)

Well, you know what, my starry-eyed friend?

What are you actually doing?

You’re the mental equivalent of a social butterfly.
You’re being fucking disrespectful.

You’re always on the run and never able to really commit to anything, because you’ve already scheduled something else afterwards. You’re shallow, deluded, that one friend that always comes in running, screaming “Besties  ~ ♥” and everyone shifts uncomfortably in their seats and smiles a painful smile and humours you, because they know you mean well, but they also know that you know nothing about them. 
You’ve never been there for them ever, but always expect them to be there for you. Whenever they want to talk about themselves, you nod and then proceed to about yourself and your plans and “ohmygosh, this is so nice, we need to meet more often ~ ♥ “. But at least you mean well, so they’ve agreed to keep it simple and on the “The weather is nice today”-level with you. 

But here you are, wondering why you’re not making any progress.
Mysterious.

So what do I do?

Well, you need to go from this:

To this:

How? More on that below.


2) Undereager Debasement

What is it?

This stage is what happens when you notice that your lofty ideals from Overeager Debasement cannot be fulfilled. You turn bitter, hateful, cold. You think you’re a failure, you think you were too soft. Instead of wanting to be friends with everyone, you now want to rule over everyone, fuck what they want.

You’re burnt out. You’re done. You just want to get through these stupid classes and catch a goddamn break, goddamnit.

And you WILL get through. You’re too proud to do anything else. But you don’t really care about any of it.
You just want to make it.

How did you get here?

If you were a good student, you probably heard at some point or another that you were “different” and that your complex and mysterious ways were not understandable and definitely not achievable for your average classmate.

Most people who tell you this mean well. A few want to make fun of you, but most actually do mean it as a compliment. But they don’t know how dangerous it is to hear it again and again, because regardless of whether it’s true or not, you start to believe it.
You start to believe that somehow, you have a higher calling, a higher standard. And you start to long for that day when your high standards will be met - when you will go to that one mysterious class where everyone is just as eager as you are, where the “Oh, captain, my captain!”-teacher will spark a fire in your brain that will never go out and when your ominous “gifts” can finally be put to good use for the prosperous future of mankind.


And you work.

And work.

And the class never comes.

You feel the weight on your shoulders when teachers talk of “high expectations”, you feel it crush you a little bit every time your friends tease you about your genuine fear that you might not get an A, that you might lose it all, that your “gifts” could disappear and you’ll be stranded and useless and you put in the hours, you work your ass off to keep that high standard, all in the hope of having that one miraculous class that never comes.

I realized that that class would never come when I entered university.

University, I’d told myself, would be my Arcadia, my Eden, my academic paradise where all my hard work would be rewarded!
Instead, I only found more drudgery, more incompetent professors, more disinterested students and even more bureacracy. To say that I was “disappointed” would be putting it very lightly.

I became disoriented and disenchanted. I realized that I could get through most classes with half-assed effort, I was hardly ever challenged, I floated along and hated every second of it. I blamed my boring teachers, the imperfect system, the teachers who had given me hope only for me to watch it crash and go up in flames.

What do you think you’re doing?

Being badass, cool and detached, most likely.

You dream of yourself as a master and your subjects as slaves. They bow to your will, they dance to your tune, you command them with the snap of a finger.

“Look, you slave of the system”, you say, lying on a velvet sofa, “Look, at how it hardly takes any effort for me to pass these classes! Look at how I spend my time doing things I actually like and that are actually worth it, unlike these stupidly easy classes taught by stupidly incompetent professors in a stupidly screwed-up system! Look at me, being edgy and drowning in self-hatred because I can physically feel myself gliding off the rails that made me so “special” and becoming one of the average people in the masses, haha. Ha. Ha. Screw academia, but still give me good grades, amirite?”

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend that never studies for classes, comes for three lectures per semester and still manages to get perfect grades because everything you do in school is, like, so five years ago. That one friend who has read all the classics in their spare time, has conquered and enslaved all the knowledge actually worth knowing, will quote obscure Polish philosophers you’ve never heard of and plays the piano with a perfect pitch. They’re the wisest, most culture-non-conforming people you know - they’ve been up until 5am, wandering the streets and drinking vodka from a bottle while forcefully pentrating the mysteries of the universe all by themselves until they finally fall asleep on a park bench and awake with an epiphany about Klein bottles.
They’re “special”.

What are you actually doing?

Caring more about appearing “special” than actually trying to be “special”, that’s what you’re doing.

But, look, what made you so “special” and “different” in the first place was not a “calling” or “gifts” or the fact that you wrote good grades and were destined for greatness.

Here’s a handy chart I’ll use later - you were lucky enough to fall into the green zone, lucky enough to be born with an innate respect and a love for learning. That’s what made you “special”. That’s what made you succeed. Not pressure, not warped ideals and certainly not the fear of failure.


But somewhere along the way you forgot that and only focussed on the results. You started to believe yourself to be so special that everybody else should cater to you.
The fancy titles, the awe-struck looks, the “You’re so amazing”s and the “The genius of a decade”, the planned Nobel prize speech and the prestige, the dream others had lovingly created for you and you had slowly absorbed and warped as your own? It got to you. Hell, it got to me.
And it became more important than learning itself.
Somewhere along the way, you and I, we became an arrogant and lazy assholes.

You looked down on your easy courses and homework and instead of recognising how lucky you are, doing it in a minute and a half and then putting in the extra work on top to dig deeper and to maybe contribute something of value and fun, you threw it aside with a snide remark as beneath you.
Of course it wasn’t fun. Of course it wasn’t challenging. You never even tried to make it either.

(And don’t get me wrong: I honestly do think that the education system as it is right now needs MAJOR reforms. But right now? It is what it is. And instead of making the best of it and doing what you once loved so much, you succumbed to societal pressures you found yourself unable to fulfill and said “meh”.
You cared so much about the fame and the title that the relationship itself didn’t matter.)

But this isn’t the master-slave relationship you imagine it to be.
It’s a trophy-friendship. Once upon a time, you got on really well with this person and other people loved your friendship. You fell in love with the ideal, with their connections, their money, their prestige, their name on a CV, and you stuck around just for that.
You valiantly ignore the reality of the state of things between you two
and take them out only when absolutely needed, only when things are this close to falling apart and so you keep walking a fine, fine line.
Whenever a deadline approaches, you shower them with attention and love and, gingerly, they open up to you and you see a depth and complexity to them that astounds you and makes you think “Imagine! Imagine how much more I could have seen if only I’d started earlier?”
But the moment the crisis has passed, you toss them aside once again.

Because this is enough to make your name.
You may not remember much about these nights or about the person at all, but the only thing that counts is that it will fulfill your “special” prophecy and make you a legend, right?

Well, always remember this:
(read picture from right to left)

You’re not “special” if you made it to university. You’re not “special” if you’ve made your name. 
It comes down to a simple choice: do you value appearances over integrity or the other way round? Do you dare to look like a fumbling idiot again when you start something new? Is the “appearing like an idiot”-part more important to you than the “learning/creating something new”-part? 
Have a think about it.

3) Worship

“Alright”, you’ll say, “Alright. I get it. So I’ll treat my “friends”/subjects with respect and integrity and I’ll take all the time and concentration I can bestow upon them, just as I would upon real friends. But do you want me to be like, uh - like…

What is it?

“…like one of those anime characters that lives only for their dream and gets up at like 6am, does the thing, talks about the thing, breathes the thing, goes to bed, dreams of the thing and then wakes up at 6am to do the thing?”

(Google: Did you mean Hinata Shouyou?

Yes, yes, I did, google.)

Well, no, I don’t want you to do that. See, that’s the other extreme and unless you’re an anime character, chances are that it won’t work out for you. 

How did you get here?

Personally, I was caught in this trap for a loooooong time. Anime offered me a new way of relating to my passions that neither my family nor my school had ever shown me: unabashed obsession.
I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be obsessed. I wanted to give myself up to a higher ideal, something above human consciousness, something that would endure. I wanted to, well, get up at 6am, do the thing, talk about the thing, breathe the thing and so on - “the thing” in question being, of course, studying. I made elaborate plans, complicated lists, study-plans that shift on a daily basis and cover all grounds, I wanted to study for two hours before school, wanted to repeat lessons, wanted to give myself up to knowledge, made cool covers for my notebooks, made mock exams for my friends to use, planned to focus on each continent for a month and study it, planned to listen to one new composer each day, planned to go to the museum every week, planned to analyze Sherlock Holmes and think just like him, planned to - you get the idea.

I wanted to be like this:

What do you think you’re doing?

Being but a humble servant to the eternal workings of truth. Knowing thou art unworthy, yet suffering the perfection of study.

I wanted to go from 0 to 100, I wanted knowledge and wisdom to transform and deliver me, I wanted to feel enlightened, I wanted to feel my brain burning, pushing frontiers and breaking through to new horizons, I wanted to elevate myself to touch even the lowest levels of truth.
I wanted to do something noble, something worthwhile, something that could never be critisized and would always be valued, something with eternal meaning that would echo through the ages and I wanted to be even the tiniest cog in the machinery of mind.

What are you actually doing?

Being, quite simply, an idiot.

This is one of my favourite quotes (David Wong):

“There are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.” 

The same goes for studying. As shown above, studying won’t work out if you do not treat your subjects with respect. Conversely, studying also won’t work if you continue to idolize it as work beyond all work and reproach, as the only true calling, as the realm of the genii and by self-flagellating yourself and repeating “I’m but a humble servant in your kingdom of reason and will never reach where you are, but will spend all my time trying to reach you.” 

Why? Because by saying “I’ll never reach you or be worthy of you”, you’ve already sealed your fate. Some students (no matter how well they actually perform) are stuck thinking that they are stupid and incapable of doing well. Others think that the trick is in the preparation and they undergo complicated rituals of finding exactly the right study spot, exactly the right study drink, exactly the right study time, etc. in the hope of channeling the connection between their godly subject and themselves, but it never turns out quite as glamorous as they’d hoped (once again, speaking from experience).

This is because you cannot force a true friendship if you think yourself unworthy of it. It will always be worship. 

And why are you worshipping?
Because it takes the pressure right off of you
. This always annoyed me about some of my fellow students. They treated becoming a good student as this miraculous and unlikely event that only happens to the #blessed.
I insisted that “no”, it could be done. “Yes”, it was hard work, but ultimately absolutely doable. But now that I’ve been in their shoes? I understand.
Admitting that you could have done it anytime implies failure on your part for not having done it. By saying “Oh no, it is so very complex and divine and a lowly worm like me could never hope to crawl in its shadows”, you shift the focus away from yourself and onto the thing itself. 

But this is a synthetic, manufactured relationship with a partner that does not even exist. It is, at its heart, a kyaa  ~ I hope senpai notices me! (๑♡⌓♡๑) - kind of relationship. It’s idolizing not a person’s true character, but their appearance, their aesthetic and the values that they represent for you. It’s not really listening to what they’re saying, but warping their words so they fit into your perfect idea of them.
Just, unlike with undereage debasement, you do not play pretend that everything’s fine and secretly hate the other person deep down - you honestly idolize them to heaven and back, so you could never possible reach them.
You’re using them to fill in the holes in your own personality.

And that … just isn’t fun? I dunno about you, but treating studying as something that must be done perfectly with exactly the right pen and the perfect face-mask after the right smoothie and in the right lighting by a window overgrown with ivy and with perfect concentration from the first moment and unwavering, knightly passion and exact planning from 6am to bedtime all because I know deep down that I will not be able to fulfill these ideals and thus don’t have to feel bad about not reaching them just … isn’t for me. I don’t like my relationships to be all overstructured and “perfect” and high maintenance like that.

I want my friendships and my studying to be authentic. And that means that sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s quoting Keats while lying on the floor at 2am in the morning and chugging milk out of a carton, but it’s real.
I truly do understand this longing to make studying look pretty and like a magical realm, because when you’re in the flow that’s really what it feels like. But the beauty comes along with the practice, not the other way round.

No, but honestly - what do I DO then?


Y’remember Hippogriffs from Harry Potter? That’s how I imagine my subjects. Approach them carefully, honestly, maintaining eye contact and as equals and they will respect you. This scene:

This scene is what I’m talking about. 
If you were in a worship-state, you would only admire them from afar, gushing over how beautiful they are, but sad that they would never deign to even look in your general direction. (think of all the subjects you thought would be way too difficult for you)
If you were in a debasement-state, you’d either try to make friends with all the hippogriffs, hopping from one to the other and forming no bond with either or you’d “tsk” disdainfully and try to force them to obey you against their will. (*cough* Malfoy *cough*)

If, however, you’re in the green, there will be mutual respect between you and you will be able to fly.

So what does it mean to be in the green? 
It means not to do any of the above, obviously, so 

  • take your time for and invest brainpower into each and every one of your subjects - be a good friend. Be there. Listen. Even if they have crazy ideas at 4am in the morning. 
  • appreciate your subjects and know that they are more than the teacher who tries to get you to know them. Sometimes, some people just have a really shitty PR department (especially maths)
  • don’t think too much or too little of yourself. You can do amazing things, but that does not give you the license not to do amazing things anymore, rest on your laurels and expect others to applaud you for it. 

  • some relationships take longer than others to build, but getting to understand someone who puzzled you from the first moment and challenged your beliefs will improve your own personality as well
    (side-eye at PE. Yes, I love you now, you crazy athletic bastard)
  • do it for the sake of the relationship itself, because you enjoy their company. Results are presents which, although very much appreciated, should not be the main motivator to keep you going.
    This essentially means that you should think of studying as hanging out with a friend - already makes it seem so much more inviting and way less daunting, does it not?

    (Logic and I, being saltmates. Real friends judge other people together)
  • be aware that all friendships go through rocky patches and some subjects might take a while to warm up to you or you to them. But if you think that it’s worth it, then you gotta power through that. If you don’t think it’s worth it, you gotta be brave enough to say good-bye. 


Look, what I’m actually saying is … be Souma Yukihira from Food Wars.

Food Wars is a crazy and at times pretty pervy manga/anime, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t also one of the best pieces of fiction I’ve ever consumed and if Souma isn’t one of the most admirable main characters I’ve ever encountered.  

The relationship between him and cooking is filled with trust, love and equality. He trusts his cooking skills, because he knows that they have spent a long time together - cooking won’t let him down and he won’t ever let cooking down by stopping to look for ways to improve.

That doesn’t mean, however, that he’s always deadly serious - he loves to play around with cooking and to try ridiculous new things. He never forgets the joy that even the simplest form of cooking brings him. 

There’s one great episode where he puts his life as a chef on the line and someone fearfully asks him what he’d do if he lost. He shrugs and says he could become a lawyer or a teacher or something. So while he loves cooking profoundly, he does not worship it and he knows that there are other relationships he could build up if he had to. He just …doesn’t want to, because cooking is his bff. 

He loves to take on challenges to see how far he and cooking have come -

- and he takes challenges very seriously -


- but takes it even more seriously if he loses -

- and nonetheless knows that they are stronger for the challenges they have faced together. 

So, yes, this is what it means to be in the green. Cherish your friendships, hang out together, be honest, funny, clever, curious and you. 

You’ll be surprised at how much fun the two of you will have, now that all the pretensions and pressures are gone. 

Just …hang out and have fun.

(and maybe watch Food Wars!, because damn, Souma is the MVP of my inspirational heroes)

Have a great day and I’ll see you in the next (and hopefully shorter) part 4 :)

•A JOURNAL ENTRY: WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION?•

i wouldn’t exactly call it living. more like surviving… i look at the environment surrounding me, memories lie tattered in my brain. a life i want to believe was once so full and fruitful has become unthinkably dull. my own eyes were once baby blue but have since faded to an iridescently eerie gray. im hurting. it hurts. im not lying.

i would tell you that you don;t understand- but i;ve begin to notice that everything can only be interpreted in relation to other things or feelings. and this is the only thing ive come to recall feeling. this ethereal delicate coldness within my core, shaking and rattling my bones, consuming my every feeling of functionality. im clearly broken beyond repair- yet i aimlessly crave fixture.

i am light with awful lightness. my blood is mud and my bones are brittle. my thoughts freely cascade within my mind, setting fire to all of my precious sensibilities . any meager ration of purpose and hope is replaced by these fucking reminders that i am truly and entirely 113% alone in this.

at one point, i wanted help. i went to therapy once a week- on bad weeks i went twice. i convinced myself that the glass was half full. i made the most out of everything- and in the process, i made a fool of myself.

i spoke out. i cried for help. i wrote it in books, on forums, i would have carved the words “help me” into my damn skin on my damn forehead if i thought for one minute that anybody was listening.

and i know you’re listening if you’re reading this. but are you really reading this? are you reading me? can you feel the pain in the tips of my fingers, in the ends of my hair, in the blood in my veins, in the staggering cry of my voice at 2 in the morning- an ugly face soaked in the tears resulting from years of utter and complete destruction and then desertion of every little thing i feel?

can you feel my pain?

can you imagine trying to fall asleep when there are actual fucking faceless voices in between your ears jabbering an unimaginably taunting cry? whispering demented nonsense into your ears nonstop after you beg and plead with yourself to quit hearing those damn voices. your mind races like it’s been training all its life and this is the moment it has all led up to: the olympic event of self destruction. and it’s taking home the gold.

i close my eyes and i am so unbelievably tired. staying alive is a fight and today it has beat
me to a pulp. my eyes have bags as big as my regrets and my face is tired from
pretending to light up with joy all day.

jesus christ, it’s my junior year and i’m graduating in less than a year. surely there is one thing to even half way grin about. no, you are wrong. because for every good little thing that happens- every time it seems like it’s getting better, every false sense of hope, for every good thing, there is depression.

my false sense of hope has found its home. depression is a polite host to every single good
feeling in my body. depression feeds me, it cleans me, it loves me, it speaks to me, it knows me.

depression wants to stay forever. it houses in my bones, it feeds on my fears, it gets high on my anxiety, it exchanges hope for hopelessness, it thrives on my insecurities, and depressions favorite thing to do is to keep me up on nights like tonight, where i’m at my worst.

i’m scared, truly. i used to be obsessed with the seasons- more importantly, the transition of one season to anther. perhaps i used to be so fond of change because change was actually a possibility at that point in my life.

winter turning into spring was my favorite. i would lay on the dead, crunchy, brown remnants of the grass, the air around me crisp and cold, stabbing my lungs with every swift,
sharp breath. my nose rosy and cold, sniffling along every chill within my body. bare branches of tall oak trees
stretched into the white winter sky, seemingly reaching for the sunlight the tree craved and needed, as my pale, cold, minuscule hands clutched at the dry, barren earth beneath me- fumbling for more meaning of the world around me. why must seasons change, but my heart always feels the same?

you see, i resonate so very deeply with the winter months. gardens and patches of land that were once beaming with flora and fauna, life and expounding sunlight and warmth, now lay isolated, empty, sterile- similar to the child in me that once was jubilant and lively, but now turned into some thing so cold and ugly. the innocence has beend lost and the happiness within me has since been destroyed by the monster within me, which claims not only me as a victim, but those around me who love and care about me

i only know that i am loved and cared for because i’m continuously and perpetually told this upon a daily basis. it has become very prevalent to me that people feel much better about me when i validate that i know that they are here to talk and that i am loved. yes, i know this. but i cannot feel it. the love that you have for me is, in the least offensive way possible, absolutely irrelevant to my entire being.

you could listen to me rant for days upon weeks, you could read this bible that i’m typing. but i can never seem to make the people around me realize that i am never going to truly accept the love they offer me.

i often wonder if it is true love that inspires people to be there for those with depression- or if those surrounding me simply feel compelled to profess their love and support to me because they see my approval and wellbeing as a direct reflection of their credibility as a friend or family member.

i feel as if i am a burden to those around me, simply harshening the seemingly good mood that literally everyone else but me is capable of partaking in. i want to run with wild horses, frolic among wild flowers, hear the laughter of a child, hold hands with someone i love, and entertain deeply fulfilling and life changing relationships- but you see, the way my life is set up- i am actually emotionally incapable of doing so!

i am most aware of my unfortunate illness and incapability to be happy in the most unexpected and irrational times. take birthday parties, for instance. celebration and good vibes fill the air around me, seeping into my black, pitiful lungs. everyone around me smiles and sings, drowning in their jubilation, as i sit and watch. i want to have fun. please believe me. i want to sing happy birthday. i want to watch you open your gifts. i want to be as happy as you. i want to feel the warmth in my cheeks as i have the time of my life with my friends. but some thing within me compresses each and every slither of joy i am capable of feeling. i am suffocated by the downfall of my emotions and i am blinded by the reminder that depression doesn’t take breaks, not even at birthday parties. depression is strongest whenever you are faced with situations that expose you to the reality that you’re the odd one out- you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. you’re moping and you’re constantly staring out into space. what are you even looking at? what do you have to think about? you have nothing to live for, so anything beyond what’s right in front of you has no relevance in this whole scheme of life. so take it or leave it. you should be enjoying this birthday party. all the other kids are happy. you should be too. you’re lucky you even left the house today. so lucky. had you stayed home, you would have been 100% alone with your thoughts, rather than 97% along with your thoughts, due to the constant interruption of your moping and resentment by peers and parents and teachers asking “is everything okay?”

habitually, you nod. yes. everything is fine. i’m doing well, thank you. but what is the meaning of life? why do i feel like there’s a big fat man sitting on my chest and stomach and heart all the time? why do i always feel like i’m the only one in the room holding back tears trying not to cry? why are the other kids so happy? am i missing out on some thing? why do i feel so sad? why is it that every time i’m surrounded by people who say they love and care for me, i feel as if i’ve never been more alone before in my life? why? do you pity me? it’s just who i am. is that weird?

and oh my god i was always so desperate to be different. perhaps it was just the way my personality was set up. and i was always fairly extroverted. but it was presumably a persona that i put on. hey world, look at me. i’m silly and creative and ill say things that nobody else would say. pay attention to me, look at me.

because i needed them to watch. i hope you never feel so out of control of your body as me, to where you feel as if the only way that you can be saved is if other people figure out that you’re dying on their own. you don’t know how to come straight out and tell them, “hey, i really would rather not be alive at this given moment. i have visions of ending my own life. i use self isolation as a coping mechanism at times in order to feel like less of a burden on those who love me. i haven’t felt genuinely loved in a really long time. i’m so lonely. i could really use a friend right now.”

you can’t just say that. and i became depressed at 9 years old. how would a 9 year old even possibly articulate these complex and life threatening emotions that severely alter the way that every one of their peers perceives them. those middle years are crucial for making friends. it’s at that age that you have to find a group of 3 to 8 people who accept at least half of your given characteristics and occasionally invite you to partake in shit that kids do.

i wouldn’t know. i was a fleeting spirit. appearing and disappearing from cliques like it was clock work. there was more than one willow. there was the catty, witty willow- that found self-approval and approval from others by teasing and belittling others in order to build her own confidence up. then there was the sweet, flower child willow that sold daisy chains on the playground at recess at the price of one hug. there was the willow that stayed near the teachers at times because it was obvious that the other kids wanted nothing to do with her.

and as time progresses, the newer evolution of willow became prevalent. the willow that kept to herself most of the time, spending recess in the class room alone, drawing on the pages of her books, talking to herself, worrying her life away. everyone wondered - what was wrong with willow? or perhaps nobody noticed at all. maybe i was so insignificant even at such a young age- that the only time people considered me was in my dreams.

depression changes a person. some times, the change isn’t even tangible or noticeable to those surrounding the victim. some times, it is a slow discourse of the destruction of the spirit. it can slowly creep into your ear one ungodly night, and forever more whisper its awful lies into the victims ear, as it infects their whole body, their heart, their mind, their spirit, their hands, their eyes. everything. it slowly progresses into the uncontrollable loss of feelings and motivation to even maintain basic proper hygiene. it makes everything feel pointless. things are no longer worth the effort because you’re going to die no matter what, and that can’t come soon enough.

yes, depression can be slow and progressive. but that’s not the worst. the worst depression is the kind that sneaks up on you out of nowhere in the dead of night and immediately stiffens every hair on your body and turns your blood cold, making your mouth dry and your tongue numb. this depression hits you like a fucking train. it hits you in your most vulnerable state- comfort and normalcy. from that point on, you will never know normalcy again.

depression has a way of deceiving you into believing things that are crazy and untrue. but these things become so real to you as the depression progresses into a lifestyle that you come to know nothing else but the lies that depression will fill you with- so nobody can really tell you anything. it will call you names. it will tell you that you’re better off dead. it will be your only comfort- feeling nothing- during the night, whenever anxiety holds you until you pass out from exhaustion. you will never be cold at night as long as anxiety and depression have you snuggled up in between them.

oh how depression loves to kick you around and belittle you. oh how it renders your fantasies pointless. it loves to keep you hostage- to the point where any time you get an idea that doesn’t include moping around in your own sorrow, it immediately renders that idea impossible and reminds you that you are depressions bitch. you eat when depression finishes telling you how fat and disgusting you are. you sleep all day, so depression can take a dip in your nightmares. you wake up, and realize that life with depression is the true nightmare after all.

you pray for the day that you are relieved from this blinding madness and this subliminal torture. you feel as if you are not only a burden to your own self, but a burden to the people who love you and care for you

the only times when depression allows you relief from questioning the ulterior motives of those around you who claim to love you and care for you is when depression instead allows you to feel ashamed of your affliction. when you’re depressed, people notice. they may pretend not to and they may ignore it. but they know. they just don’t know what to say.

what would they say anyways?

hey. i’m sorry your brains are figuratively dripping out of your ears and i’m sorry that you have convinced yourself that i only care about you because i feel guilty, and i’m also sorry that you don’t even have the motivation to take a shower. i’m also sorry that you don’t
remember the last time that someone made you feel special. i’m sorry that you can’t find a reason to smile. i’m sorry that out of all the millionaires, the talented ones, the ones who fall in love, and the ones with nice asses- you were the one to end up hating yourself and everything around you.

ask yourself…. what do you say? what do you say to someone who is depressed?

know that i understand that you don’t know what to say. because yes this sucks. and i don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to wish you were dead. and i am so jealous of you for that. but please treat me the same as everyone else. please love me. make
me laugh. invite me to go shopping with you. get shit faced with me. help me fill the gaping hole in my soul with pointless memories of laughter and small talk. talk about life with me. listen to what i have to say. let me love you.

yes, i have depression. trust me, i will never forget! but please, help me feel normal. i don’t want to feel different than you. i want to be your peer, not your charity case.

i am dying to make friends. i am dying to spend less time in this bed writing shit like this. i am tired of letting this god damn disease walk all over me like i’m a fucking patch of dead grass.

life sucks. but please remind me that winter fades to spring. please remind me that some flowers are seasonal, and not every flower spends its whole life in bloom. remind me that you have to spend time in the dark to understand just how beautiful life in the sunlight is. remind me that there’s no cure for a bad day like a strawberry daiquiri and deep, controversial conversations with complete strangers.

remind me that my car has a sunroof and that it’s okay to open it up and let my hair get a little messy. remind me that music is better when it’s too loud to really interpret what the artist is saying- but you don’t have to understand to feel some thing.

remind me that i don’t have to lose this fight.

i am fucking hurting. but for the love of god, i’m begging you to help me fix me. because i forget that there’s good in the world. i forget that depression isn’t the boss of me. i forget that i have the whole world in my hands. i forget that there’s life after high school and that it’s okay to be alone some times, but it’s never okay to be lonely.

i will never forget what it is like to have my heart ripped out by a disease that i can’t even lay my hands on. perhaps i can touch the blisters under my eyes from
crying so much. perhaps i can run my hands along the holes i’ve punched in the walls from being so angry with myself. and yes i can feel how my bed is sinking in towards the ground because i spend so much time laying here trying to feel some thing besides utter destruction and loneliness. i can never forget what this disease has done to me. there will always be a piece of my heart that this depression has stolen from
me.

but with loving other people, i can aimlessly work to mend that hole. i can’t do it alone. i need a friend. i need you here with me.

i am so tired of being alone.
i will push you away at first. i may come off as helpless and a bitch. but please, that is the depression talking. it’s not willow.

willow loves the color pink
willow loves wild flowers
willow loves the smell of green onions
willow loves the feeling of sand under her feet
willow loves hearing about your childhood and how you had a speech impediment and a cat named angel
willow loves the smell of rain when it hits a hot sidewalk
willow loves to go barefooted
willow loves establishing connections with animals
willow loves willow, some times she just can’t see it

i need a gentle reminder of what it’s like to be a real normal teenage girl

this shit is hard. and being misunderstood makes it harder.

so i’m saying it loud and clear. my name is willow and i have clinical depression and generalized anxiety. my life has been a series of almost laughably awful events, which have resulted in said mental illnesses. i have been misunderstood, bullied, neglected, and hurt. but my story does not end here. i may never completely overcome my depression, but i will overcome my failure to acknowledge my illness. i will work to educate people about those who suffer as i do. i will help those with depression. i will be the friend that i have never had, but always needed, to anyone who wants it. i will be a testament to the depression that has oppressed me for 8 years now.

depression is not who i am. depression does not define me. what defines me is the fact that i am staying alive even though it is proving to be the biggest struggle that i have ever encountered, and i am asking that you help me and people like me. because it’s not a one person job.

my name is willow. and i’m telling you that depression is a rude ass bitch. but i’m a bigger bitch, and unlike my illness, i have the power to make people feel loved and valid. and i will use that power to overcome my depression.

i would like to dedicate this journal entry to everyone reading it. i may go to school with you, you may be just a random tumblr user, you may suffer with depression, you may suffer with some other deeply oppressive situation, you may just be a happy son of a bitch.
it doesn’t matter who you are. let this. journal entry be a testament to your life.

there are people with depression. and there is no way that i can ever explain to you just how it feels via tumblr text post or even via socratic seminar complete with gardens of text books and instructional videos. all i can say is that in this life, you are responsible for being there for the people around you.

you never know what someone is going through. people with depression practically have licenses and 4 year degrees in the field of putting up facades of being okay and sucking it up and repressing those explosive emotions. they don’t expect you to give a shit about them, because as far as they’re concerned, nobody has given a shit,
nobody currently gives a shit, and nobody ever will give a shit about them. they make it hard to help. but it’s so important that you break down those walls. and some times, all you need to do is smile at someone or invite someone to eat after school or to go to a party. you can’t do much for someone with depression. like i said, they’re a whole world away. their concerns and struggles are immaculate, indescribable. however, it doesn’t take much to show someone that you care even a little bit. even if it’s just picking and giving them a random flower.

if you suffer from depression or know anyone with depression and you need someone to look to for advice/help/inspiration, my DM’s are open. oversharing is caring. i know what it’s like to want to take your own life, and i fought the urge to do so even while writing this journal entry.

i am here for you. you are not by yourself. please DM me if you ever need someone to send you pictures of a cute animal to cheer you up, or if you even need me to talk you out of suicide. i know both feelings.

if you’re reading this,
i challenge you to go out of your comfort zone. yes you. i challenge you to do this one easy thing at either work or school, or out in public or in your family

1. pick 3 flowers, they can be store bought or you can have picked them yourself

2. give one flower to someone who you worry might have depression

2. give one flower to a random person who you don’t know

3. give one flower to a person you would like to get to know better, you never know when someone desperately needs a friend


it’s just a flower, but you could save someone’s life. some times, all people need is a gentle reminder that good things still exist and that somebody is thinking about them.

don’t be the person that assumes too high of a role or makes an excuse to not be able to participate in this challenge or share this journal.

you never know when you can save someone’s life.

remember: no matter who you are, i love you. and i am willing to comfort you in times of need. i’ve been where you are. and i know how much ass depression sucks.

my DM’s are open, and so is your future.
don’t end your story this early.

—  Willow Scalisi 4/18/17 (dam i just realized sonic got half priced burgers today, turn up)
burn through my soul

a  fyre festival au because i have 0 chill, set in the ‘marble hearts collide’ universe bc ria asked for like an 80k companion fic, and because 36 of you seemed to like the idea. basically: it’s half fyre and half ust denial jily and a Big Mess.

for @gxldentrio @petalstofish who asked for more and @fredweasleying who supports james and sirius’ stupidity

most of my info is off the snapchat stories, articles and tweets but i’ve also done a lot of exaggerating, so take all reference to the festival with a bit of salt

It’s Sirius’ idea because, if it involves a stupid waste of money and the promise of celebrity chefs, it will always be his idea. And, because it’s Sirius’ idea, James is in. 

“It’s ridiculous,” Lily says, scrolling through the festival’s instagram. 

“No, it’s luxury,” Sirius says and snatches his phone back, “you wouldn’t understand.”

Remus raises an eyebrow, “she practically lives with you, I think she understands what luxury is.”

“And waste of money,” Peter adds, helpfully. 

“I can’t believe I let any of you into my house, when you’ve just come to insult me!” Sirius pouts, throwing himself dramatically back on the chaise. 

“Criticise your money spending habits,” Remus corrects, and just manages to dodge a throw pillow Sirius launches at him. 

‘What does Potter think, anyway?” Lily asks, looking down at her own phone. 

“Why does Potter’s opinion matter?” Sirius retorts. 

Lily is definitely avoiding eye contact, “It doesn’t.”

There’s a murmur of disbelief, and Lily scowls at her phone, knowing that if she looks up she’ll be accosted by five raised eyebrows, because only Sirius has learnt how to raise both separately. 

“But, seriously, when is Prongs back?”

“Well, Moony, funny you should ask…” Sirius smirks, “he arrived last night.”

Lily’s head shoots up, “but -”

“But what Evans, not happy to see me?” A voice comes from the doorway, and they all turn to see James leaning, not as gracefully as Sirius would have, against the doorjamb with a smirk to match Sirius’ on his face. 

“How long have you guys been planning that?” Peter asks, and he’s not as fast as Remus so a throw pillow hits him in the stomach.

Remus laughs, “probably longer than they’ve been planning this festival bullshit.” 

“Losers,” Lily mutters, finally looking away from James, pretending that her phone screen is more interesting than the bit of chest his loosely tied dressing gown shows. 

Keep reading