i cannot believe i love them

Fatal Attraction

Just what I needed, another situation when a nigga that I used to talk to that will not let it go. It wasn’t even like we was talking for long (2 months) and we did not even fuck let alone kiss. I mentioned this guy before, he keeps coming up to my job literally every week claiming that he misses me and likes me. He came to my job yesterday, staring at me and trying to talk to me the whole damn time I was there. I already had to block his phone because he kept calling and texting me. How many fucking times do I have to ignore or cuss out this bitch until he realizes that I don’t want him!? I don’t know what to do at this point.

I’ve gone through this situation way too many times. I’ve been stalked/harassed before by niggas that would not let it go and they all believed that there was a slight chance that I loved or missed them. This is reason #208 why I cannot stand men and I have no shame about using them. These men really think that I need them and it makes me sick. I cannot see myself ever settling down with one man strictly for love, ever.

u know i’ve expressed my love for fake married/fake dating many, many times but like. is anything better. is anything better on this earth. does any trope or genre truly care for us quite like this one. let us reflect on a few of the gifts that fake married/dating consistently gives us:

  • character a asks “hey, will you pretend to be my date for a week for [convoluted excuse that could easily be solved without a fake relationship]?” character b, fully convinced of the futility of their DEEP AND UNREQUITED LOVE, figures this’ll be a chance to spend time with them and possibly put their feelings to rest. character b is always wrong & it is always amazing.
  • having to SHARE A LIVING SPACE FOR ARBITRARY FIC REASONS. having to see eachother in their pajamas first thing in the morning, messy haired, drowsy eyed and soft faced. going from “you can have the bathroom first” to brushing their teeth beside eachother and feeling like this closeness has always existed (at the same time, painfully aware that it won’t always). 
  • related to the last one – “"practicing”“ their casual touching so that it’s easier when they’re in public. feeling SWOOPS OF ARDOR AND AGONY when they feel the brush of a hand on their neck, or an arm loop around their waist. don’t you love how fake marrieds/dates are always method actors who must FULLY INHABIT their roles. i love it. i live for it. 
  • bed sharing. :^) we all pretend we’re bigger than this but we are not. 
  • "kiss me while everyone’s looking.”
  • the character who wasn’t aware they were in love (maybe always had been) until the fake relationship is in full swing, realizing they have to sort their feelings out before their time together is up. sometimes they succeed and angst is minimal. most of the time they don’t, really.
  • telling eachother “i love you” in public and meaning it, heart aching over it, but bELIEVING THE OTHER 2 BE ACTING. my soul is still 15, this garbage still gets me. u don’t get pining better than this.
  • the days leading up to the end of the arrangement where one of them, still confused and muddy about their Feelings and unsure how to break things off, stiffens to the casual, reflexive touching and puts their walls back up. the other one accepts and respects this as the end of their agreement and squashes back down all the hope they ever had, stuffs it next to the heartbreak they’re ignoring deep in their chest. 
  • when they realize they’re actually fully and enthusiastically mutual about the way they feel and it’s, like, two parts euphoria and one part agony because they just cannOT BELIEVE, the happiness tears them in two. maybe there are weepy or laughing kisses. i don’t know but i’m usually invested like 2000%. i love fake dating/marrieds. 
  • I LOVE EM.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

—  Rachel C. LewisTell The People You Love That You Love Them.
I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming.

—  Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them.
A To-Do List for White Fandom

I’ve seen several posts circulating today about racism in multiple fandoms. The arguments and counterpoints I’ve seen are not unexpected. For background: I am writing instructor and I devote a significant portion of my classes to discussions of media representation. Why? Because I realized I was doing everything that these posts talk about: Ignoring characters of color, sidelining them for white villains or sidekicks with far less screen time, ignoring women of color entirely, etc. And all the while, like so many of you, I said, “I’m not racist.” I had in-universe explanations for why I liked this ‘ship over that one, this character more than that. I could defend and explain everything.

Racism is not who you are. It is what you do. And here’s a fact: All white people do racist things. We’ve been trained to, taught to. It’s in our culture, all around us. If you’re white, our culture has allowed most racism to be entirely invisible to us. Racism isn’t just yelled slurs and burning crosses. Often, racism is simply *not caring* about people who aren’t white. Racism is an inability to empathize with or care about the story of someone who is not white.

IF YOU’RE FEELING DEFENSIVE, PLEASE KEEP READING. I beg you. That’s exactly the feeling we have to push through. I’m going to give you a brief list of actions we can take. And I know these are important because I have to do them, all the time. Because the poison is in me, too.

If you truly believe in equality and want to be a better person, then here’s what we, as white fans, have to do:

1. BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. It absolutely sucks to realize you may have hurt someone, or that you might be wrong. Realizing you’ve done something racist is a stomach-churning reality check. Have the courage to face it. Don’t run from it.

2. INSTEAD OF LOOKING FOR WAYS YOU’RE NOT RACIST, LOOK FOR WAYS THAT YOU *ARE*. It’s comforting and tempting to itemize the ways in which we’re open-minded. See #1 again. Don’t let yourself be comfortable. Instead, look for what you do and ways you contribute to fandom racism. Maybe it’s reblogging or creating gif sets that leave out main characters of color. Maybe it’s forgetting to include them in your fanfiction, even when they would rightfully be there. Maybe it’s reducing them to stereotypes or caretakers for white characters. Maybe it’s ‘shipping the white leads with anyone but the POC around them. Maybe it’s accusing POC fans of “starting drama” when they discuss racism. Look at your actions and be honest with yourself.

3. PUT IN THE EFFORT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH POC CHARACTERS. Here’s the thing: It’s easy for us to fall in love with white male heroes and villains. It’s what we’ve been training for all our lives, with every movie, television show, and book we’ve ever enjoyed. Media *encourages* us to love white men. So yes, falling in love with a character of color will be harder, and it probably won’t “just happen.” So, truly look at Finn and Poe, at Cassian Andor and Bodhi. Truly look at Luke Garroway and Magnus Bane, at Luke Cage, at Iris West and James Olsen, at Michonne. Seek out ways to connect with their feelings and their stories. Look at them as full-hearted, three-dimensional human beings. Force yourself to become obsessed with them. If you do this, I would be absolutely shocked if you don’t fall in love with one of them.

4. LISTEN TO POC FANS. Yes, even if they’re angry and call you names. For my research, I spend a lot of time on blogs that talk about hating white people, hating white fans, hating white feminists. The language is furious and vitriolic. So what? They have every right to be angry. Instead of judging their anger, LISTEN to it. Try to be better. Don’t say “not all white fans,” or “not all white people.” Instead, try to be a better white person. Be a better white fan. Be a white fan who is brave enough to look at themselves and truly be an ally. Do not silence POC fans. I promise you: Listen, and you’ll realize they’re not overreacting.

5. REMEMBER THAT “ALLY” IS A VERB. Our thoughts count for nothing. It’s our actions that speak for us. Maybe you’ve read all this and you still want to insist that you’re not racist. Okay. But your actions might be. Challenge the stereotypes that exist in your head, learn to identify them as stereotypes and be willing to hold yourself and other white fans accountable.

6. REPEAT STEPS 1-5 FOREVER. We cannot cure our internalized white supremacy in a weekend. This is a forever gig. But it’s one of the most worthwhile tasks you can ever give yourself. Want to feel like you’re changing the world? Here’s where it starts.

Inevitably there’s more to add to this list. I’m always learning, but I thought it might be useful to share a few of these steps I’ve learned along the way. I love fandom. I believe profoundly in the transformative power of fanfiction, fan creations, and the friendships forged through our shared love of media.

I believe we can become BETTER PEOPLE through fandom. But it will not happen without our willingness to be transformed.

Be confident with who you are and if you find you are in the company of those who cannot see how great you are, don’t be afraid to cut them off, okay?

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| 03.06.2017 | my birthday! i have never been more excited to study in my entire life.. guess who just became *that* studyblr (i love them already)! i cannot believe i am finally eighteen, it’s crazy! had my *first* legal drink today - and wow, it’s just.. i can’t believe it.

🎧 playlist - the cure: lady gaga

❤️

Art:Catalyst” by @murrchow/ @minmeiz
Fic: “Fireflight” by @the-flame-and-hawks-eye

I’m so hONORED TO BE WORKING ALONGSIDE MIN THIS YEAR GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. We wanted to spin in a little angst and young!Royai for this collaboration after we thought, ‘Why can’t fire be a catalyst?’ And thus this magnificent piece of art (and this fic) was born!!!


Every love story needs a catalyst of some sort - Ian Somerhalder


Riza wasn’t sure what to make of her father’s newest apprentice. Since his arrival he had kept to himself, for the most part, working diligently on whatever tasks her father gave him. She had thought it a good thing – it kept him out of her hair.

His other protégés had focused less on the work her father had given them and instead tried to build relationships with them. While she understood to some degree where they were coming from, they failed to realize that they were essentially there to learn alchemy. He, on the other hand, did try to make small talk to lessen the awkward silences that would sometimes stretch between the three of them when they were together, though it was not to the embarrassing degree that the others did.

So she found it unusual when he sat down next to her while she was sprawled out on the floor in front of the fireplace. She stopped herself from looking utterly surprised, waiting a few moments before she looked up from her book to shoot him a questioning look.

Keep reading

aloeplantt  asked:

hey quick q idk if it's been answered already but have aros & aces historically been a part of the lgbt community? like whats the history? idk im just seein all this ace discourse & idk where to stand. ty!

All right, my answer may be long because I think it is important to make sure we have a nuanced discussion around this. 

The answer to this question is not a clear one. There are instances where asexual and aromantic people have been excluded from the queer community, but there are also instances where they have been included. 

The problem with saying “Aces have always been a part of the queer community” or “Aces have never been a part of the queer community” is that you will be wrong either way. 

Asexual and aromantic people have historically had to face exclusion from the queer community, and they still do today. They have also historically been a part of the queer community (I will always point people to The Golden Orchid because I think it is one of the most clear examples of asexual and aromantic inclusion in the queer community). 

So to have this discussion in a clear and healthy way we need to first divorce ourselves of the idea that the queer community is some monolithic thing. 

We have always had division; and in every place and in every time period the queer community is different. Queer people haven’t generally been able to organize on a global scale, so there is no truth of the queer community that is true everywhere and in every time. 

The internet has given us an advantage in that we can have discussions internationally within the queer community, which has never happened before to the scale it is happening today. Which makes right now a turning point for the queer community. 

The decisions we make today will be recorded in the history books of tomorrow. So it is time for us all to decide what kind of community we want to be. 

Throughout history we have examples of when our community has been exclusive and catered only to a select few identities, and we have examples of the opposite happening. We have examples of people coming together to fight for the rights and the safety of not only people who share their exact struggle but for people who face a whole different set of obstacles. And it is time for us all to decide what type of people we want to be remembered as.

The very word queer is vague which many people now find issue with but I think is a distinct advantage. It does not narrow our community down to a series of labels we care about. 

And if I have learned anything from my ongoing study of queer history, it is that how society has treated different sexual and gender identities has changed throughout time. And to assume that will stop with us seems pretty arrogant.

There have been times when being gay has been accepted in certain societies. But because of these times does that mean that gay people don’t deserve a place in the queer community? Of course not.

I fully believe there have been times when asexual and/or aromantic people have been fully accepted in society at certain points. But now is not that time. So we include them. We fight for them because right now that is what is needed. 

I love the queer community. For all it’s many flaws I have faith in it. One of the reasons I love it is because of how inclusive we have the power to be. 

I cannot make this decision for anyone else. But as someone who studies queer history, I can say that while the past can give us much, it is ultimately the present and the future we must make our decisions for.

“I never expected it to be you,” she whispered, allowing her fingers to gently trace circular patterns along the counter.

He stared at her, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I never thought you’d be the one to break me. I knew you could be an asshole to your friends and to your brothers, but you were always so nice to me. You always told me you missed me and that I was beautiful. You could make me laugh and held me when I had a bad day. You cared about me.” She sighed and forced her eyes to hold steady on his face.

“What are you talking about? I still care about you.” His fingers reached across the counter, trying to grasp her hand.

“No. Don’t. I can’t keep doing this. You lied to me.”

“I have not!!” He yelled, drawing the attention of nearby patrons.

“Yes you have!” She cut him off. “You told me you only wanted me when you were hooking up with random girls on the side. You told me that I mattered to you. You told me you cared. You cannot look someone in the eye and break them like that if you love them. You lied to me. You never loved me, and I can’t believe I was so stupid to have never even seen it coming. I care about you. I used to think I always would, but I can’t anymore. I can’t keep loving you.“

She stood abruptly and rushed to the door, head held high. She may be breaking, but she’d never let him see it.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

 SO LIKE BRACE YOURSELVES BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING LONG AND I WOULD APOLOGISE BUT MY OTP IS ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONCE SO FUCK IT RIGHT?

OK FIRST OF ALL HELLA TRANSITION AND SECOND OF ALL I LOVE WHAT HE’S WEARING AND THIRD OF ALL HE WORE THE FUCKING EARRING OF MY DEMISE I HATE HIM

AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EYES AND HIS STUPID PERFECT JAWLINE AND HIS STUPID PERFECT EVERYTHING

GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WE GET TO SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. STEP FATHER AND BEST MAN LIKE SO MANY FUCKING TEARS ALREADY

YOU KNOW HE’S SEEN HER. LOOK AT HIS DAMNED FACE. AND SHE’S FUCKING STUNNNINGGGG IN HER DRESS SO I DON’T BLAME HIM AT ALL FOR THIS REACTION LOL

AND THEN FUCKING LOOK AT THIS RIGHT? SNOW IS TAKING DEEP BREATHS, CHARMING IS JUST HAPPY AF AND EMMA FUCKING SWAN IS LOOKING AT KILLIAN JONES AND SHE CAN’T TAKE HER EYES OFF HIM

ANYMORE THAN HE CAN TAKE HIS EYES OFF HER

LOOK AT THIS LOVE DAMNIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE’RE GETTING TO SEE THIS FUCK

LOOK AT THIS DUMB LITTLE FAMILY AND HOW FAR THEY’VE COME. I LOVE THAT THEY’RE BOTH WALKING HER DOWN THE AISLE AND BOTH HOLDING HER AS SHE GOES AND I’M JUST SO DAMN HAPPY

LOOK AT THIS. FUCKING WHAT IS THIS WITH THE SMILING AND THE KISSING THE CHEEKS

WHAT IS THIS WHO AUTHORISED THIS? TAKE IT AWAY IMMEDIATELY

AND THIS FUCKING HANDSHAKE?! REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ALL YOU CAN’T EVER DATE MY DAUGHTER EVERRRRR EVER EVER EVER AND NOW FUCKING LOOK. THEY’RE BROS. SUCH BROS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS HOW MANY EMOTIONS I HAVE RN

OMFG LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS THAT HE’S GOT HER HAND IN HIS. THAT DAMN SMILE THAT WON’T QUIT

AND OK WHEN ARCHIE SAYS THAT THEY SHOULD RECITE THEIR VOWS KILLIAN LOOKS AT WHO I’M ASSUMING IS CHARMING OR HENRY, OR PERHAPS THE WHOLE FAMILY, JUST GIVING THEM A SMILE AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID EMMA SWAN FIND A FAMILY, KILLIAN JONES DID TOOOO

LOOK AT THEM DAMNIT, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING HAPPY ARE OMFGGG

AND THE VOWS, THE DAMNED FUCKING VOWS OMFG THE WAY HE FUCKING LOOKS AT HER

AND THE WAY SHE FUCKING LOOKS AT HIM

AND THE FUCKING AWE IN HIS FACE WHEN HE’S LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME THAT A HEART FULL OF LOVE WAS MORE PRECIOUS THAN ANY TREASURE LIKE HE NEVER THOUGHT IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS THAT THIS COULD EVER FUCKING HAPPEN FOR HIM

AND NOW THAT HE HAS IT, HE WILL NEVER FUCKING LET IT GO AND I AM DEAD AND GONE, A SPIRIT IS TYPING THIS RN

AND FUCK LOOK AT HIM TELLING HER HIS HEART IS HERS

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE OMG I AM SO EMOTIONAL *THROWS THINGS* *THROWS ALLL THE FUCKING THINGS*

I AM GONNA THROW MY COUCH AT SOMEONE NOW BECAUSE DID YOU HEAR HOW SHE SAYS KILLIAN? ALL SOFT AND TENDER AND LIKE SHE LOVES HIM.

AND OMG HENRY FOUND HER AND THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT HENRY TOO. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS ROOM THAT I AM IN PAIN AND FUCKING LOOK AT THE SOFT WAY THAT KILLIAN LOOKS AT HENRY TOO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

AND HENRY GOD HENRYYY I AM SO PROUD OF HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE JUST BELIEVED AND LOOK HOW FAR THEY’VE ALL COME FUCK ME

AND SHE FOUND THE REST OF HER FAMILY TOO BECAUSE OF HENRY

AND THEY’RE HERE ON HER FUCKING WEDDING DAY TO HER FUCKING TRUE LOVE OMFG I AM OVERWHELMED

AND SHE LOOKS AT HIM RIGHT AND SHE’S TELLING HIM THESE THINGS ABOUT TRUE LOVE AND FAMILIES

AND FUCK ME IF KILLIAN JONES ISN’T COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IN AWE OF THE WOMAN IN FRONT OF HIM. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT KILLIAN JONES THINKS THAT EMMA SWAN IS MAGIC AND HE IS BESOTTED WITH HER ANEW EVERY SECOND THAT HE LOOKS AT HER

AND THIS MOMENT AND EMMA’S VOWS AND OMFG JUST BECAUSE YOU LEARN THAT YOU COME FROM TRUE LOVE DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL FIND IT

AND YET HERE HE IS AND HERE SHE IS AND IT TOOK CENTURIES AND CURSES AND ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME AND REALMS AND FUCKING

NOW THEY STAND HERE AND SHE SMILES AT HIM THIS WAY 

AND HE SMILES BACK AND THEY HAVE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEM YOU KNOW? ALL YOU EVER REALLY WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO KNOW YOU, TO SEE YOU, TO KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR WEAKNESSES, YOUR FAILURES, YOUR SUCCESSES AND TO LOVE YOU ANYWAY. 

AND THEY HAVE THAT AND THEY’RE PROMISING TO NEVER LEAVE

AND GODDDDAMN EVERYTHING HELLLLP BECAUSE HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK MY EMOTIONS ARE SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WITH MYSELF I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

AND OK SHE’S PUTTING THE DAMN RING ON AND HE CAN’T STOP STARING AT HER. LIKE HE JUST KEEPS LOOKING AT HER AND SHE IS FUCKING STUNNING, I DON’T BLAME HIM

HANDSSS HANDS ARE THE REASON FOR MY BEING A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR

HANDS AND THE WAY THEY’RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

AND THE WAY HE SAYS I DO, HIS EYES UNWAVERING FROM HERS

AND THE WAY SHE DOES THE FUCKING SAME *SLAMS KEYBOARD* WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, IT WON’T FUCKING STOP LIKE OMFGGGGGG 

ARCHIE IS ME HERE. HE GETS ME. HE TOO IS MARVELLING AT THE PERFECTION THAT IS THE JOY OF CAPTAIN SWAN.

HUSBAND. AND. WIFE. THE. FUCK. WHAT. HOW. I. CANNOT. BELIEVE

THIS FUCKING PERFECTION I CANNOT DAMN BELIEVE DAMN FUCK

AND I THOUGHT I HAD DIED ENOUGH BUT NO, THERE WAS A FUCKING DIP, HIS HAND CLEAR FUCKING AROUND HER WAIST AND COMING BACK AROUND AND THEN FUCKING

YOU GOT YOUR HAPPY ENDING SWAN LIKE KILLIAN FUCKING JONES AND FUCKING EARRING

AND THEN OK, LEAVING ALONE THE DEVASTATING SMILES AND THE CONTENTMENT RADIATING OFF THEM

AND THE ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER AND THE FUCKING FUCKING EARRING

LEAVING ALONE ALL THIS, YOU HIT ME WITH A HAPPY BEGINNING?! THIS IS UNFAIR AND I AM IN TEARS AND I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH. I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS

*FALLS OVER*

someone gimme a hug pls

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Sometimes you just gotta drop everything and draw the ot3. You just gotta.