i can't with them and this is stupid and seemed funny a while ago

A Baby’s Story

AN:…I did another thing. I have no shame. None. 

Parts I & II here: A Dog’s Life and A Cat’s Tale.

Blackbeard and Tobias, once nemeses, now something slightly less than tolerant flatmates, sat side by side staring at the newest interloper in their lives.

What is it?

Blackbeard sniffed loudly. I don’t know. But it smells like the kitchen when Molly cleans up after one of their Experiments. Sterile. And overly clean.

Tobias ventured forward and leaned up on the sofa with his forelegs. The Interloper was curled up on Sherlock’s chest and both were supposedly sleeping. Sherlock’s hand covered most of the tiny Interloper. Tobias sniffed the Interloper’s foot.

It smells kind of like Molly. 

Blackbeard tilted his head. She was holding it earlier. Perhaps her scent rubbed off on it. 

Tobias glared at the tiny intruder with jealous suspicion. Perhaps. 

Suddenly, the Interloper moved and its face screwed up unpleasantly. Tobias dropped down and backed up toward Blackbeard, both of them eyeing it with trepidation.

What’s wrong with it-oh, dear God!

As one, Tobias and Blackbeard reared back at the stench now emanating from the Interloper. 

Sherlock blinked his eyes open as the Interloper began to cry and wave its tiny arms.

Sherlock immediately sat up, holding the Interloper close to his chest and speaking softly to it. From the bedroom, Molly shuffled into the room.

‘Is someone hungry?’

Blackbeard and Tobias immediately turned to her, their eyes lit up in delight.

Yes, some meat would hit the spot nicely.

Oh, some kibble would be nice!

They frowned when she passed by them without a glance and took the Interloper from Sherlock.

She grimaced as the smell hit her, then smiled. ‘Not hungry, then.’

‘I’ll change her. You, Dr Holmes, need to rest.’ Sherlock tried to take the Interloper back, but Molly held it out of his reach. 

‘All I’ve been doing is resting, my love. Let me do something.’ She kissed the Interloper’s head and smiled that dopey-looking smile she’d been wearing since they brought the Interloper into Tobias’s Home. ‘It’s hardly a chore.’

She turned and walked back into the bedroom, Sherlock on her heels, their good-natured bickering fading as they disappeared around the corner.

Blackbeard and Tobias stared after them. 

Well, the situation is more dire than I originally presumed.

Blackbeard whined. They don’t love us anymore, do they?

Tobias rolled his eyes and padded over to the sofa for a lie down. Don’t be an idiot; of course, they do. And as soon as the novelty of the Interloper wears off, I will once again be their favourite. And in a distant second, you.

Blackbeard snorted and laid down with his head on his paws, watching the door for His Humans’ return. 

Whatever you need to tell yourself, Fluff Ball.

oOo

Six Months Later

Rrreoooowwww! Tobias screeched and tried to bolt away, but the Interloper had a firm grip on his tail and laughed maniacally at the cat’s struggle.

‘Oh, sweetie, no. Let go of the kitty’s tail,’ Molly cooed and hurried over to untangle Tobias from its evil grip. 

Finally free, Tobias streaked across the room and leaped onto the mantle, far out of the reach of gripping hands. He should not have let his guard down. Ever since the Interloper began crawling, the entire floor had become a minefield of danger zones. Blackbeard didn’t have the agility or ability to get away as quickly as Tobias, but the Interloper seemed to find it more amusing to torment Tobias anyway, so the basset hound found himself watching the proceedings from Sherlock’s chair with a stupid grin on his dumb face.

You could have mentioned it was coming up behind me.

Blackbeard rolled his eyes. And miss out on all the fun? 

Tobias growled at the dog and turned his attention back to Molly, who was cuddling the Interloper against her chest, nose to nose. She would say something in that silly voice and the Interloper would let out peels of laughter.

Tobias sighed. He missed having it just be him and Molly. Or even just him, Molly, Blackbeard, and the other Bipedal. This Interloper had taken what little attention Molly had shown him entirely away.

Stop whinging, fluffy. She’s here to stay. I think you’ll like her, if you just learned to control that tail of yours. She goes for it like you go for the tassels on Molly’s scarf. 

Having said his wise piece, Blackbeard uncurled and wandered over to Molly. It only took a few seconds for the Interloper to notice him and then it waved its arms wildly and Molly set it down. It tumbled over to Blackbeard and fell onto him in a big hug. 

‘Be-yad!’ It cried happily.

Blackbeard smiled and nuzzled his snout against the tiny human. Hello, little one. 

It didn’t look so bad. The tiny human had enveloped Blackbeard as much as she could and was babbling nonsense in a happy voice.

Careful to keep his tail still and low, Tobias left his perch and approached Molly slowly. Leaving several cat-lengths between himself and the tiny human, in case he needed a head start, Tobias sat on his haunches by Molly’s legs and waited to be noticed. 

It didn’t take long.

‘Obee!’ The tiny human cried excitedly and tried to step toward the cat, only to lose her balance and fall on her cushioned behind. 

A frown formed on her face and Tobias, sensing a full-blown cry was imminent, braced himself to flee. Only to change his mind when Molly plopped down onto the floor and reached out to stroke her daughter’s cheek. 

‘Would you like to pet Toby?’ She asked. 

The tiny human’s lips were quivering and her eyes, blue and green like Sherlock’s, overflowed with tears. She nodded and reached out her arms for the cat. 

Molly pulled her into her lap. ‘We need to be gentle with Toby, okay? He likes to have his ears scratched and his back petted nicely.’ She demonstrated, stroking the spot behind his ears that made him shiver in bliss. ‘Can you do that?’

The tiny human nodded, all signs of sadness gone. ‘Pet p-ease.’

Tobias watched, warily wide-eyed, as the tiny human reached out. Her small hand came at him and he went a bit cross-eyed; he leaned back, afraid she was going for his eyes, only for Molly to gently guide her hand upward. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the grabbing and the tormenting pain.

Pat pat pat.

He shook his head in surprise and opened his eyes. The tiny human was smiling widely at him. She patted him softly on the head again then drew her hand down his neck and he purred at the sensation.

‘Good kitty!’ She exclaimed. 

Tobias preened under her praise. Maybe the tiny human wasn’t so bad after all.

oOo

One Year Later

Blackbeard let out a deep breath and slowly blinked his eyes open. He turned his head around to check on His Humans. Molly and Sherlock were sound asleep, their arms wrapped around each other. It had been a long day for them all; Sherlock had come home drenched and smelling of month-old soggy doggie kibble, Molly had come home from the funny-smelling place crying, and the tiny human had developed a bad case of the sniffles. Needless to say, everyone had gone to bed early.

Slowly getting up, his old bones aching something terrible, Blackbeard left the bedroom and wandered through the dark flat and up the stairs to the door on the left.

He nudged his way inside and scrambled up onto the bed. The tiny human was buried underneath a multitude of blankets and curled on top of her, purring to comfort her, was Tobias.

Budge up, Fluff Ball. Blackbeard grumbled sleepily. 

Tobias peeked one eye open and curled in his tail. Blackbeard rolled his eyes, knowing that would be the most cooperation he’d get out of the feline. Careful not to disturb their charge, Blackbeard settled himself along her legs and rested his head on her belly. 

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and smiled contentedly.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that he was a puppy, looking up at a strange, blue-eyed Bipedal through the bars of the Dungeon the Bad Men had locked him in. He’d whimpered in fear, not realising that he was seeing the face of his soon-to-be Best Friend.

And that this Best Friend would not only give Blackbeard a home, but he’d give him a family; a Molly for love and treats, a tiny human to protect, and even an obnoxious cat for a companion. 

Every day was an adventure. And he looked forward to tomorrow’s.

anonymous asked:

It's me, Lush anon! I also thought - what if Harry and Merls are going in to get some natural massage bars (Harry loves expensive stuff but merlin's skin is sensitive) and they can't stop thinking about the super cute peppy lush employee (eggsy obvvvvvvs) and keep returning before inviting him on a date as their third..... (Sorry for more prompts, I was excited I saw your reblogged lush post and I just love your writing)

Hello again Lush Anon! Since I don’t want you to worry I didn’t get either of you message, I’ll use today’s #agegapapril ficlet to answer to this one ;) The next ficlets will be tagged with agegapapril and lush verse if you want to keep up with the series ;)

For today’s ficlet, we have Merlin and Eggsy meeting for the first time, let’s see how that goes!

Huge thank you to @injureddreams for listening to my ramblings about it earlier today and agreeing to read it before I posted (and not yelling at me for neglecting our bang :P)

Day Two - Ink

Back before he got the job, Eggsy hadn’t really believed Roxy when she had told him they really get all sorts of customers at Lush. A single day of work had been enough to set him straight.

Sure, the core of their clientele are young women, but not everyone let stereotypes keep them away from good products. And even Eggsy from his very limited experience can honestly say that they are good and it isn’t just because he has been brainwashed into thinking it.

He is sufficiently self-aware to know there has been a bit of brainwashing involved since his hiring, but with his employee discount, he can more than afford the bathbombs that litters his bathroom. He even has the ready excuse that Daisy loves taking glittery baths whenever she stays over and that his purchase has nothing to do with the name, no matter how cool Dragon’s Egg sounds.

But yes, their regular clientele is diverse enough that Eggsy doesn’t think anything of it when the tall bald man steps into the shop. He wouldn’t even have taken note of it in fact, since Chantelle os currently on greeting duty while he is manning the cash, but even from back behind the counter, he can see the sleeves tattoo and the ink looks sick in the best possible way.

For once, Chantelle doesn’t insist after being dismissed and sure the man looks severe enough, but had it been Eggsy, he would have been all over him, because the man ks hot, to hell with reading your customer’s body language.

It’s a while before he’s done with the little rush at the cash, enough that he would have thought the man long gone, but he’s still there, idly looking at the products. Since she’s the one who greeted him, he’d leave Chantelle deal with him, no matter how much he’d like to have a closer look to those tattoos, but she’s still giving the man a wide berth.

He can’t understand why, since he really doesn’t look that bad, but he guesses severe-looking man covered in tattoos (or so he guesses) aren’t everyone’s type.

“Hello, can I help you with anything?”

The man looks him up and down with something like appreciation in his gaze and it takes everything for him not to preen like a peacock.

“Are you Eggsy?”

The man’s words has the effects of a cold shower on him. He doesn’t care if not a minute ago he thought the man didn’t look scary at all, in his experience, a stranger knowing his name is never a good thing.

“That depends on who’s asking?” If his manager heard him talk that way to a client, he could get written up or suspended, but really, he’d rather lose his job than have to start looking over his shoulder everywhere he goes again. He’d thought with Dean gone for good he’d be safe but clearly he had been wrong.

The stranger obviously sensed something wasn’t quite right however, because he takes a couple of steps back and offers him a weak smile.

“Sorry, I should have started with that. My name is Merlin.” He doesn’t try to offer his hand for a shake and before Eggsy can ask what kind of name ‘Merlin’ is, he goes on. “I’m not sure if you remember, but a short while back you’ve help my partner choose some massage bar. A gentleman in a suit named Harry?”

“Oh,” just like that, all the tension leaves him, “sure I remember him.” It would have been a bit hard to forget him since he had starred in quite a few of his fantasies since then. Not that his partner needs to know that.

“Good. Would you also remember what’s the one you sold him? I’d ask him, but he’s on a plane right now and I was hoping to surprise him…”

He hopes his eyes doesn’t glaze over for the short seconds he imagines it, both men naked in bed, their skin made glistening by the oil. He stops before he can decide what would be better between Harry being inked as well under his suit or not and leads Merlin over to the massage bars stand.

“You’ll want Shades of Earl Grey, except if you want to try something else?”

It’s a near thing, but he manages not to moan out loud when he notices that Merlin’s got ink all the way down to his fingers on his left hand as he reach out for one of the bar.

“No, I’d rather keep to what we know for now…” But there is a clear hesitation to his words that makes Eggsy push him a bit.

“You sure there’s nothing else you’d want to try out?” It’s kind of funny to see him so hesitant, because really besides the massage bars, there’s not much to blush over here.

“Maybe something more… specific for feet? Harry is always complaining that his feet are sore after having to travel.”

He might have only talked to either of them for less than five minutes, but it’s enough for him to feel rather envious of the relationship they seem to have. First Harry was concerned about Merlin’s sensitive skin and now Merlin wants something for Harry’s feet because he knows they’ll be sore. It might sound stupid, but his bar for a perfect relationship has just been set higher.

“I have just the thing for you, if you’ll follow me. It’s called Pink Peppermint and it’s heavenly I swear.” And Eggsy would know. He might not have anyone to rub his feet for him, but that stuff has made working long hours standing up way easier since Roxy’s shown it to him.

Merlin raises an eyebrow at the name, but says nothing as he follows him to the other side of the shop, obviously trusting him to advise him correctly.

This is 💯% me when my BF be on some shit 🌝
  • Guy: You look so beautiful tonight.
  • Girl: Do I?
  • Guy: Yes, you look perfect.
  • Girl: Do you mean it?
  • Guy: Absolutely. You're my best friend, and my inspiration. You're a shining light in the dark abyss that is life. You're-
  • Other Girl: *crawls out of the bushes* Hey guys.
  • Guy: Who are you?
  • Other Girl: *shrugs* I just woke up in the bushes. Are you guys here to see the super ultra moon?
  • Girl: Excuse me, but we came here to have a private moment. No offense, but you're kind of ruining it.
  • Other Girl: Oh, sorry! Haha, I'm such a goober. I'll leave you two to your business. Bow-chika-wow-wow. *winks and runs to a tree across from them where she stares at them with a smile on her face*
  • Guy: I think we should go, honey.
  • Girl: I agree.
  • *the guy and the girl wander through the park seemingly unable to find their way out*
  • Guy: Something is seriously wrong. The park was never this big.
  • Girl: I'm sure we're just a bit lost, hon.
  • Guy: How the hell can we be lost? It's just the park. We've been walking in the same direction for so long. We can see buildings across the street right there, but we just don't get any closer to them.
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of nearby bushes* HEY GUYS!
  • Girl: AIIIIIEEEEEEE!
  • Guy: You startled my girlfriend, you idiot.
  • Other Girl: Hehe, sorry! I was just excited to see you two again.
  • Girl: Maybe you can help us. We can't seem to find our way out of the park. Perhaps you'll be able to give us some directions.
  • Other Girl: Oh, you can't leave. Not while that big gay moon is up in the sky. You're stuck here for good.
  • Guy: You're just messing with us.
  • Other Girl: Nope. I've been here for... *counts her fingers* three-hundred years maybe.
  • Girl: If you were stuck here for three-hundred years, then why are you wearing modern clothes?
  • Other Girl: The moon doesn't run on human time, you goober. In the real world, I've probably been gone for like a year tops maybe. But here, time passes much slower and you never age. So it has probably been like three-hundred years.
  • Guy: That's is just a bunch of nonsense. Leave us alone, you freak.
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm just trying to help out, macho dude. *tosses a sharp rock at the guy* You guys are lucky, though. I heard a rumor that if two lovers enters the moon's gaze, they can escape. One lover just has to kill the other.
  • Girl: *gasps* Are you actually suggesting that we try to kill one another?
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you what I heard. I could care less about what you goobers get up too. I'm outtie! *runs off*
  • Guy: She's totally full of shit.
  • Girl: You think so?
  • Guy: I know so. Freaks like her are the worst. Come on, honey. We'll be fine.
  • *twenty long moon years later*
  • Girl: *crawls into tiny tree bark fort* I'm home with dinner, hon.
  • Guy: *stops playing with his leaf dolls* Dinner, yes! What'd you get?
  • Girl: Crab apples and pine cones.
  • Guy: But, I hate crab apples and pine cones. We eat them every day.
  • Girl: Well, that's all there is to eat.
  • Guy: What about the berries? I liked the berries.
  • Girl: I couldn't find any berries.
  • Guy: You found some berries just a few days ago.
  • Girl: That was like six years ago!
  • Guy: Sorry, I haven't been keeping track of the time. Every single day here is exactly the same. Couldn't you just go the extra mile and find some berries for me?
  • Girl: Listen, I had to bust my ass just to find these apples and pine cones. Beggars can't be choosers. Be grateful that I found anything.
  • Guy: Beggar? I'm not a beggar, I'm your husband!
  • Girl: Whoa! When did you become my husband?
  • Guy: We've been together for so many years!
  • Girl: And in that time, we've never gotten married. We haven't taken any vows.
  • Guy: Listen, after being together for so long, we're basically married.
  • Girl: Maybe I'd consider us a married couple if you ever pulled your own weight. You don't do anything! I find the food, I repair the fort, I do everything important!
  • Guy: You're being unfair. I've done things. I came up with the idea for the fort.
  • Girl: Yeah, twenty years ago, and guess who actually built the thing? Me! All you do is play with your stupid dolls!
  • Guy: *gasps* They are not stupid! You're horrible!
  • Girl: Oh, I can't stand you! *grabs the sharp rock and bashes the guy over his head*
  • Guy: Stop! You're hurting me!
  • Girl: *bashes the guy until he stops moving*
  • Girl: *drags the guy's dead body out into the moonlight* I killed him! I did it, see! Now let me go, you stupid moon!
  • Moon: *remains large, gay, and silent*
  • Girl: Come on! Do something!
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of the bushes* Yo, long time no see- HOLY SHIT! You killed that guy!
  • Girl: Yes. He was unbearable. I did it so I can escape. Why isn't it working?
  • Other Girl: Huh?
  • Girl: You told us way back when that if you kill your lover, you can escape the park.
  • Other Girl: Oh, that? I was fucking with you. The moon never lets anyone go. You're here forever.
  • Girl: You were lying!? B-But why would even lie about something like that...
  • Other Girl: Hey, sorry. Being stuck in this place for years on end makes you kind of apathetic about everything. But hey, life goes on, hehe, forever! Unless someone bashes your head in with a rock, I guess. See ya, you dumb goober! *runs off*
  • Girl: *shakes the guy's corpse* Hey, please wake up. I don't want to be here all alone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. Please just wake up... please...
Lapidot Tuesday Prompt: Crush  (fanfiction)

This is for this week’s (1st March) @lapidot-tuesday prompt “Crush” Read and enjoy!

Dedicated to @punproductive because her Lapidot art is cute as heck and I promised her during one of her art streams. I hope you enjoy this :)

Fanfiction below the “Keep reading” or on fanfiction.net

Keep reading

"Narry can't be real because..." (Debunking reasons. Vol 3)

It was requested. 

[NOTE: none of the next pictures, gifs are mine. All the credits to their owners. The statements that are written here are my own opinion. I’m not trying in ANY WAY to force them. If you read them, do it by your own risk]

If you ship larry, please ignore this post. I’m not trying to start any fight with anyone. 

Some larry shippers have come to attack me, claiming how real his ship is, and how pathetic we are. I respect every single opinon but it was getting on my nerves and I decided to write an entire post about them. Hopefully you’ll like it. :) Let’s begin…

  • “Back on 2010, you got to see the reality of one direction. Management couldn’t control them and what did you get? LARRY ALL THE TIME, narry didn’t even exist”

I’m so amused by how easily you blame Modest for everything. I simply can’t believe that theory of ‘They control their lives’. Do you honestly believe that the boys are THAT stupid? Obvioulsy not. If they don’t like the way Modest works, they’d have said something long time ago. 

I’ve read a few posts that always take “Lance form Nsync” as an example of how much control Management has over a band, but why don’t we talk about Mark from Westlife? He came out, WHILE Westlife was in their moment, and guess who was their Management? MODEST! So, it’s clear that Modest! CAN’T control the boys’ sexuality IF the boys don’t want to.

And narry clearly existed back there. Remember when Harry went to Ireland to visit Niall’s family? Well, that was something he didn’t do with the rest of the boys and well, I’ll show it. 

Keep reading

When You Broke My Chest

Jily Week 2, Day 7 | Housework | Anything Goes

In which Lily hears something unfortunate and James hates himself. Songfic, kinda

Betas: Renata and Dee | (ff.net)

Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it’s a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.

And if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones.
‘Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.


'Lily,’ he said, taking a deep breath. She glanced up at the sound of his voice and flashed him a smile. His heart jumped but he ignored it.

'Give me a second, yeah? I’ve just got to finish this…’ She bent over the stack of papers she was poring over and James took the chance to just look at her. Bright hair that spilled down her back, fingers that tapped away at the desk when she was concentrating, lips that were soft, so soft under his—

But he couldn’t think of that right now. There was business to be done.

Your mother knows how to throw a party,’ Lily commented, surveying the ballroom with wide eyes. James let out a rueful chuckle.

Yeah, she does this every year.’

Every year? I reckon it would take a year to decorate to this standard.’

Nah, she Charms it all. It takes maybe a week.’

And then she just Vanishes it all away, I’m guessing.’

James grinned. 'Gone in an instant.’

Bloody wizards taking the shortcuts,’ she grumbled as she fixed her hair. He just laughed.

'Alright, what do you need?’ she asked, pushing the papers away. He swallowed and took a step closer to her. Her expression morphed into concern when he didn’t say anything. 'Are you alright? Did someone hurt—’

'No, I’m fine. Just… looking for the right words.’

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What is your opinion on Martin's racist slurs and homophobic language?

Well, as someone who has followed Martin and read almost every one of his interviews in the past few years. I really don’t see it.

Are we referring to anything that was written by the dailyFAIL? Because I learned long ago not to read anything from them. They misquote everyone in order to get a headline and sometimes they just make up their own quotes. This is a popular interview to use as evidence when people want to call Martin a bad person. Amanda has said multiple times that he didn’t say half of those quotes and that’s just the Dailymail failing at everything and trying to get you to read their articles.

The Lucy Liu comment? If you’ve ever heard Martin give an interview you know he’s a very sarcastic guy. I’ve heard they know each other in real life and that she took no offense to his little joke. It’s everyone else that thinks he’s now a horrible person. Do you think that when Martin said he loved working with all the Sherlock cast but that Rupert Graves was a sod, he was being serious? I kinda thought it was a joke and actually laughed, but I guess if you are taking everything he says seriously than wow.. what an evil person. He’s got a bit of a dark, dry humor… I personally find him very funny, but if you are a very literal person, and don’t take sarcasm well, then you might think he is an ass.

I can’t really defend him for the rape joke, but let me ask you. How many bad jokes have you told? How many things have you said that you regret? Was it a bad joke? Yes. Am I going to change my opinion on him and start calling a pro-rape homophobic ass who hates women? No. He took one joke too far, realized he took it too far and stopped, moved on. Dear lord, I’ve said so many horrible things in the heat of the moment but thank God I’m not a celebrity that has my every move and breath watched. Martin made a mistake… oh God! that means he’s HUMAN! Here I thought he was superman.

You can choose yourself if you think he is an ass or not. I know Peter Jackson is very picky with the cast he chooses to work with because he wants to work with nice, good people and if you are neither of those he doesn’t mind letting you go. Martin was first on his list to play Bilbo, i would trust PJ’s judgement. Martin seems lovely in all the behind the scenes stuff when you get to see more of him as a person, and not just the part of himself he chooses to show in interviews. If he was really an ass do you think he would be doing stage door 2-3 times a week for three months while doing a play that clearly exhausted him? No one expected him to do stage door, yet he did because he is a nice guy.

Anyway, believe what you want to believe. If you want to believe everything the dailyFAIL writes, then that’s your choice. If you want to believe that everyone needs to be superhuman and never make mistakes, that’s fine to, but you shouldn’t be following me then, because not only do I defend Martin, but I also say a lot of stupid things without thinking about them, I’m human… so is he..