i can't take it out of my head

yellow-eyed-asshats  asked:

I have a question that may come out sounding kinda rude, but why can't writers write poc as people, put them through the same trials and tribulations as caucasian characters? This may come out sounding different that what I've asked in my head so if that's the case, I'm terribly sorry

Writing About PoC Trials and Tribulations

I understand where you’re coming from, because it looks unequal when you take it simply as “humans struggle, so why can’t we write about PoC struggling?”

What Topics To Avoid isn’t talking about struggle in general, which is where the confusion comes from.

Yes, you can write PoC struggling. This is not the question at hand.

What that post was pointing out is PoC struggle is rarely individual trials and tribulations like white characters.

When a white character struggles, they are struggling with something that is an individual struggle that is treated as a universal narrative for that person’s individual issues (like, everyone’s felt like an underdog at one point for various reasons). But if you look at the dominant stories for PoC, the struggle is directly because of their ethnicity, such as segregation, or a racial-based war, and/or colonialism, to name a few. The plot falls apart when the ethnicity/situation is changed.

We are asking you to look at why you are attracted to struggles that come directly as a result of being a certain ethnicity. 

Starcrossed lovers are fine, but why does every starcrossed lovers story involving a PoC have to be set at a time when interracial marriage was illegal, and/or in a setting where one side’s family hate the other for their skin tone?

An underdog with less experience is fine, but why does every underdog involving a PoC involve somebody who came from an impoverished background and low quality schools because it’s in a predominantly PoC neighbourhood?

The question we want white writers to ask is: “does my character struggle and experience pain primarily because of their ethnic background, does my character experience a unique struggle because of their ethnic background, or is my struggle primarily because of individual circumstances that are informed by the ethnicities at hand?”

If they experience a struggle primarily because of their ethnic background (ie- segregation), then that is a very nuanced narrative that should be left alone by outsiders because it’s exploiting another person’s pain for your plot.

If they experience a struggle heavily informed because of their ethnic background (ie- underdog because of racism, navigating a system that has particularly potent institutionalized racism like the psychiatric system), then that is an identity story that should be left alone by outsiders because it’s treating various isms (racism, classism, colourism) as a tragic backstory to overcome.

If they experience a struggle where their ethnicity plays a part but only minor events change if you switch around ethnicity (ie- starcrossed lovers where one side is very closed off), then it’s primarily because of individual circumstance that can be written by outsiders who do enough research.

I recently saw a very cute concept where a boy falls in love with a Muslim girl who keeps halal. He tried to win her heart by cooking, but she refused to eat it because it wasn’t halal. Once he discovered what the issue was, he learned all about halal cooking and made her halal meals to win her heart.

This story is only moderately informed by the girl’s customs. The story could be simply that she’s a picky eater, allergic to some foods, or has specific tastes. Because you can swap out a few things for it, this story isn’t About Being Muslim. The plot would’ve changed based on what it was, but the actual plot point could be anything.

But if there was a similar “guy falls for Muslim girl” situation and his family was Islamophobic, that would be using Islamophobia for plot pain and reinforcing all the gross stuff Muslims go through because of Islamophobia.

Hope that clears things up.

~ Mod Lesya

From NCT’s extra lifestyle:

taking the team concept seriously😂 (every team into its own world)

but can you imagine one day Maggie being so happy/excited about something that she shouts it to Alex while she runs up to her like she did in the bar with the tickets, full-blown smile on but instead of stopping she just throws herself at her girlfriend & Alex catches her in her arms & spins her around, both of them laughing & being so happy together

The first time Viktor hears him, he’s just come home from the grocery store. He sets the bags down and takes his coat off, perplexed at the sounds coming from the kitchen. Had he left the radio on…?

Something in him tells him to be quiet, so he slips his shoes off and tiptoes to the doorway, silently shushing a sleepy Makkachin along the way. The radio is on, turned down very low, but that’s not the voice he’s hearing.

It’s Yuuri he’s hearing.

Yuuri is washing dishes at the sink, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. He’s swaying back and forth in time with the music, and Viktor does a double take because that’s Yuuri? Singing? He’s never heard Yuuri sing before…

As he stands there, he realizes something.

Yuuri’s voice is lovely. It’s rich and soft, with gentle vibrato and a fairly impressive range.

He’s utterly spellbound. It’s the prettiest voice he’s ever heard in his life.

He finds himself walking closer, drawn to Yuuri as if pulled by a magnet, making sure to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible. He stands there rather dumbly for a few minutes, captivated by his Yuuri’s singing(and probably falling even more in love with him), until Yuuri turns around, spots Viktor, and shrieks like he’s seen the ghost of an ancestor, nearly dropping a plate and catching it just in time. They stare at each other, Yuuri sputtering and Viktor speechless.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that,” Viktor finally says, smiling at the pink blush that has poured into Yuuri’s cheeks.

Yuuri insists that he can’t sing, of course, but Viktor won’t have any of it. He wraps his flustered fiancé in a hug, and when he hears the grumpy muttering against his chest, it makes him smile.

From then on, Yuuri doesn’t stifle his singing around Viktor anymore.

Viktor loves hearing Yuuri sing.

I like to imagine that T.Jeff and J.Mad are absolutely convinced that Hamilton and Burr were lovers

because in “Washington on your side” they’re badmouthing Hamilton and then Burr is like 

Look in his eyes ! 

Like ok, that might merits a raised eyebrow but in the context it’s not that weird right ? 

and then 6 lines later Burr says 

Somebody has to stand up to his mouth !

and yeah at that point Madison and Jefferson just kind of exchange that dubious but knowing look … but whatever right ? who cares if Burr is doing this because he’s mad at his lover, he’s still helping them to sabotage Hamilton so all’s good

(also in the musical ppl who have feelings for Hamilton like to talk about his beautiful eyes and his eloquence … just throwing that .. out .. there)

and tbh it’s not like Burr is somehow going to prove their assumption wrong since he’s pretty passionately obsessed about Hamilton at that point so … 

AND THEN “We know” happens and oh boy

T.Jeff’s “Whaaaat” is not really because he’s surprised at Hamilton’s cheating (since he already think Burr and Hamilton were/are lovers) but because Hamilton is admitting to having another affair and he’s doing it by having his  other lover read the incriminating letter

My god! indeed

also T.Jeff and J.Mad are still in the room (or near enough they’ll hear) when Hamilton asks if Burr will reveal what he said and they probably hear Burr cryptic  answer 

Alexander, rumors only grow. And we both
Know what we know

Which kind of sound like he’s referencing something he personally experienced. He’s probably talking about Theodosia and the rumors about their relationship - but it could be interpreted differently by T.Jeff and J.Mad (come on like there’s not at least one rumor that the two are together ?) 


(honestly the whole thing is pretty entertaining to them and whenever Burr’s not there they like to gossip about it)


So in “The Election of 1800″ when Jefferson says

Hey, Burr, when you see Hamilton, thank him for the endorsement

He’s being a total asshole and basically telling him “Hey Burr when you see your lover next thank him for choosing me -his sworn enemy- over you !”

He’s probably not that surprised when he hears that Burr shot Hamilton - it was bound to end badly 

(although Madison was kind of rooting for them and he’s very disappointed - and not just because he has to honor the bet and pay Jefferson - i mean yeah it wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship but they had potential, POTENTIAL THOMAS) 


it’s funnier if the only thing between Hamilton and Burr was unresolved feeling and/or sexual tension covered up by a shit-ton of annoyance and irritation toward each other

Fake Chats #179
  • Taehyung: I can't believe you talked me into this.
  • Jungkook: it was your idea.
  • Taehyung: he's gonna kill us. He's gonna rip out our guts and cut off our heads and then he's gonna go back to sleep like nothing happened.
  • Jungkook: we don't have to do it.
  • Taehyung: I can't believe you think this is a good idea.
  • Jungkook: I don't.
  • Taehyung: I can't take the fall for this. No way. I've been falling all week and my shins are all purple.
  • Jungkook: totally different definitions of fall.
  • Taehyung: and just think of how disappointed Jimin will be.
  • Jungkook: just think.
  • Taehyung: he might even get angry.
  • Jungkook: he might.
  • Taehyung: and it is kinda early to be doing this.
  • Jungkook: very early.
  • Taehyung: why are we doing this?
  • Jungkook: beats me. I think you threatened to steal something of mine and in my sleep-deprived state, I felt vaguely fearful and forgot that I could just tackle you and hold you prisoner.
  • Taehyung: maybe we should just abandon this plan.
  • Jungkook: what a novel idea.
  • Taehyung: c'mon, let's go back to bed.
  • Jungkook: this is my bed.
  • Taehyung: yeah, so get in it.
  • Jungkook: there's already a person in it.
  • Taehyung: I'll go on the inside and you can have the outside.
  • Jungkook: we'll crush Jimin.
  • Taehyung: please, he's too smol.
  • Jungkook: true.
  • Jimin: please tell me you didn't actually go through with your plan.
  • Taehyung: we didn't.
  • Jungkook: how did you know about it?
  • Jimin: I've been here all night, remember?
  • Jungkook: oh yeah. Wait, was Tae here all night, too?
  • Taehyung: yeah.
  • Jungkook: I don't understand how we all fit.
  • Taehyung: Jimin is smol.
  • Jungkook: true.
  • Jimin: shut up and go to sleep.

maybe-we-are-stars  asked:

Writing question here! How do you really get to know your characters? I've been having problems getting into some of my characters' heads for my novel and I can't find any useful advice.

I personally like to take my characters out for coffee. 

Drag them out of whatever world you have them in, and drop them into a different setting, a cafe in Paris, a busy NYC Starbucks—the coffee kiosk at Wallmart at 2am. What do they order? Is it a shot of espresso with biscotti on the side, the chocolate cake? Hot tea? Or is it three cans of energy drink, a pretzel with extra cheese sauce and a side of anti-acids?

How do they eat it, do they savor it, do they take neat little bites, do they let it melt on their tongue, or do they tear it apart and talk with their mouthful, gesturing wildly as they do. 

Do they people watch? Do they listen in to other conversations, or do they keep their headphones in keep their head down. Are they reading, sketching, or just phasing out? If they are listening to music, what are they listening to? What does that music taste tell them about you? Does another character phone them? Do they pick up and engage the call, or do they let it ring out and mull things over.

Are they dealing with issues with other characters? How do they feel about them right now, what’s on their mind? Do they have illnesses or an injury, a condition that affects their day to day life? How does that affect them being able to sit there and enjoy the moment—does it affect them at all until they move to stand up and feel the twinge run through them.

If removing them from their immediate world is too jarring, do it in world. A tavern, space cantina, market food stall watching street performers. Where are they headed to next.

Write them doing something mundane, come at them from another angle devoid of plot, just purely character thoughts and sensory exploration to how they interact with their world. Overall just try to get a feel for what kind of person they’d be, not a character driven by plot, but the person who needs to get groceries and do laundry before the end of the night or they’ll have no clean socks for tomorrow.

Play with them, mess around. There’s utterly no harm in messing with the world you’ve created for funsies if it’ll help you get unstuck. 

I hope that helps some <3

If you actually like Nathan Ford, please reblog this post!

Sorry, I just learned that apparently the entire Leverage fandom doesn’t like/hates him and believes that the show should be all about dat OT3 and I’m just… I don’t understand it. I honestly don’t understand how people could be so blind to his contributions and character development. And for goodness sake, he’s the dad of that OT3 you ship so much!

Charms, Potions and Spells
  • "Is your wand acting funny?"
  • "Are you sure you mixed that right?"
  • "I have an owl. What animal do you have?"
  • "Someone's rat is in my shoe!"
  • "Magic comes easy to some. Not to others."
  • "Can I have a pen that just takes notes for me?"
  • "There's a certain amount of willpower that goes into spellcasting. You have to WANT it."
  • "Have you seen the new professor?"
  • "I think I'm lost."
  • "Within the darkness you can find power."
  • "Some things need to be precise. Others... not so much."
  • "It helps to have a foci."
  • "Was it suppose to change color?"
  • "I can't do this."
  • "Did you seriously just try to charm me?"
  • "I need your help."
  • "It says the potion is suppose to smell like feet."
  • "Stay away from dark magic."
  • "Everyone can put their own personal touch on the magic they make."
  • "Let them burn."
  • "There needs to be an easier way to do this."
  • "You did WHAT?!"
  • "You're going to get caught."
  • "I had no choice."
  • "Witch trials are never going to happen again."
  • "We need to protect everyone."
  • "Have you ever flown before?"
  • "I simply don't have time for that."
  • "Invisibility is very handy."
  • "The natural order must still be preserved."
  • "Don't take the easy way out."
  • "It was either them or me."
  • "Have you ever seen a dragon?"
  • "Ready your spells."
  • "No one is going to take this from me."
  • "I can't stare at this book any longer. My eyes are going to bleed."
  • "Divination class is what I call nap time."
  • "Careful, your head's going to swell."
  • "Can you not do that?"
  • "I don't suppose there's any way to lighten a book bag..."
  • "Forbidden magic is forbidden for a reason."
  • "I walk the fine line between light and dark."
  • "Has anyone seen my crystal ball?"
  • "Why are you digging through my trunk?"
  • "What happened to you?"
okay but
  • After watching “10 Things I Hate About You”, Evan teasingly called Connor “Patrick” for a few days.
  • “It’s the hair, isn’t it?”
  • “And other things.”
  • Some of those other things included how Connor can somewhat carry a tune when Evan heard Connor sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” a week later.
  • “It’s your fault I can’t get the damn song out of my head.”

Bonus:

  • They sneak onto campus after they graduate and Connor reenacts this scene while Jared, Zoe and Alana provide the not-so-harmonious background music. Evan can’t stop laughing. 
hamilton characters as things i have said irl
  • alexander hamilton: NO I'M NOT DONE TALKING FUCK YOU
  • john laurens: tiny turtle bro how are you?
  • lafayette: i like bread.
  • hercules mulligan: HEY COME BACK BITCH YOU STOLE MY PILLOW
  • angelica schuyler: touch me again and i'll pour kool aid on your head
  • eliza schuyler: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM OH MY GOD
  • peggy schuyler: *loud sobbing to in the heights*
  • thomas jefferson: i only like the stove mac and cheese. the microwave kind can go fuck itself.
  • james madison: she's making me do homework on a FUCKING SICK DAY JFC
  • aaron burr: this is taking forever help me
  • maria reynolds: call me slut one more time and see what happens, bitch
  • philip hamilton: imma be over here dying if you need me
  • george washington: i can't figure out how to livestream, help
  • king george iii: NOPE BYE GO FUCK YOURSELVES WHEEEEEEE
werewolf starters
  • ** PACK DYNAMICS:
  • "I am the Alpha, and it is my duty to protect the pack and everyone in it."
  • "[She/he/they] are only the Alpha because their parents were."
  • "If I were the Alpha, I would've taken care of that trespasser months ago."
  • "You're the Beta. Alpha's pet is in your job description."
  • "Beta means second-in-command, not Alpha's glorified secretary or mindless drone."
  • "Are you challenging me for my position in the pack?"
  • "You want to be Alpha someday? You'll have to train harder than that."
  • "Ask your Alpha. You need [his/her/their] permission to do anything, right?"
  • "Pack politics are a giant pain in the ass. It's all posturing."
  • "Better watch yourself, pup. You're well on your way to becoming the next Omega."
  • "I've missed having an Omega to boss around."
  • ** MATES:
  • "Even if you were the last [werewolf/person] on Earth, I still wouldn't want to be mated to you."
  • "I'm strictly hook-ups only. The idea of being permanently mated to one person is the stuff of nightmares."
  • "Ever heard of the guy who accidentally bonded to a human because [they/he/she] had a biting fetish? Idiot."
  • "Are you sure you want to be bonded to me?"
  • "Where do you want to take your mark?"
  • "I'm only doing this for our packs, got it?"
  • "I've wanted to be bonded to you for as long as I can remember."
  • "We're not mates."
  • "My ideal mate situation involves polyamory and matching bond-marks."
  • "[They/she/he] is/are looking at you like they want to mark you, or something. It's kind of creeping me out."
  • "Can you believe they're a mated pair?"
  • ** SHIFTING:
  • "Is this your first time shifting? I remember my first time..."
  • "Listen, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the movies or books make it seem. It doesn't feel great, either, but--."
  • "I always keep clothes on standby."
  • "Can't tell you how many outfits I've ruined from an accidental shift."
  • "Want to go for a run in the woods? I'm about to crawl out of my skin."
  • "Remember that time you shifted inside the bathroom at the McDonald's?"
  • "Your fur's looking a little shaggy. Ever considered a haircut?"
  • "Can I see you, uh, you know... shift?"
  • "What's it like? Shifting?"
  • "Your wolf looks nothing like you. How is that?"
  • ** HUNTING/BEING HUNTED:
  • "I'm starving. Can we head out already?"
  • "I'll take point. Everyone else fall in behind me."
  • "Want to go for a hunt?"
  • "There's a hunter nearby."
  • "[Pack member] just took an arrow to the chest. We have to move out now!"
  • "The hunters know where we are. We either have to stand and fight or retreat and come up with a better plan."
  • "I'm not exactly interested in having my head on the end of a stake."
  • ** TERRITORY:
  • "You're on [pack name] territory."
  • "You have five seconds to turn around and go back the way you came."
  • "You'll either leave, or I'll make you. Your choice."
  • "You're on enemy lands, and you expected to be welcomed with open arms?"
  • "Get. Out. Now."
  • ** LONE WOLVES:
  • "Packs were never really my thing."
  • "I was born into a pack, but I left. End of story."
  • "The last thing I'm interested in is having an entire group of people constantly in my business and an Alpha up my ass."
  • "I can take care of myself, thanks."
  • "If I wanted to play house, I'd find an abandoned log cabin."
  • "I was in a pack once. I don't miss it."
  • "I'm fine on my own. I like the freedom."
Bees Sting

This is for “Ash’s Negan Writing Challenge” . The prompt is “ Negan x OC with a mental health illness.”

Negan x Bee

Warnings ~ Negan language, self harm, bit of angst, fluffy Negan (for those of you that prefer a more assholey Negan)

1500 words

I am writing more to this but wasn’t sure it would be done in time. So be on the lookout for another chapter!

I’m only tagging @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash & @negans-network as I’m not sure who would like this.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

My therapist said putting things into words, like a trauma, is supposed to help take the intensity of the trauma away or something (I don't remember exactly what she said.) So, on Friday I told her something that happened to me but it's Sunday and I still feel awful. I don't feel better at all, I feel scared because I haven't thought about that event in a long time and now I can't get it out of my head. Am I doing something wrong? Does therapy really work?

your therapist is correct that expressing things can help decrease the intensity of the emotion related to them. that’s because by stopping avoiding the thing, you remove some of the power the Thing has, decreasing the amount of negative emotions you experience related to the Thing and the amount of work you put into trying to avoid the Thing. however, you usually can’t just express the Thing once- you’ve got to do it over and over until you stop having strong negative emotional reactions to it. that can take anywhere from an hour to a year or more, and is unlikely to happen in a single session. 

during that time, you’ll usually experience what’s called an extinction burst. an extinction burst happens when you stop reinforcing something. in this case, the reinforcement is typically goes like: think of Thing -> feel bad ->avoid Thing and thoughts about Thing -> feel better -> continue to avoid Thing and thoughts of Thing. The avoidance is the reinforcer. But when stop reinforcing, and so stop avoiding, we confuse the system. The system in this case is your body. Your body notices that you did not avoid the Thing, and thinks “what is going on? they didn’t avoid the Thing! Maybe if I increase the alarm bells, they’ll avoid it like I want them to.” so then your negative reaction to the Thing increases- your symptoms get worse. This happens for a little while- minutes to months depending on the issue -and then it stops. Your body realizes you aren’t going to reinforce it anymore, and it stops raising the alarm bells, and your symptoms decrease. 

so no, I doubt you’re doing something wrong. but when you decide to express things in order to take away their power, you’ve got to have a good plan for how you’ll manage the extinction burst. That usually means lots of coping skills and self-care and self-monitoring, so that you can do the hard work of getting rid of your avoidance without being overwhelmed by the extinction burst. if you’d like to pursue this, I’d talk to your therapist about getting a really good plan in place so you feel more comfortable with your treatment. take care! 

10

Kyu winning one for his Mafia team. [x]

anonymous asked:

Do you ever take Rhink prompts? If so and if you have time could you write me some jealous Rhett?

No one has ever sent me a prompt before, Anon. I don’t know if this is what you were hoping for, but here you go. Inspired by your prompt and Will It S’more?


“Okay, out with it. What’s your problem?”

Rhett kept his gaze on the dancing flames of the campfire in front of them. He didn’t need to look at Link to know his friend’s eyes were fixed on him, waiting for an answer. He took a long drink from his beer bottle. Finally, he said, “No problem here.”

“You’re so full of shit, man. You’ve been in a bad mood all day,” Link said.

He was right, of course. Rhett did have a problem. And he wasn’t just in a bad mood. He was pissed. But, the source of his current agitation wasn’t the kind of thing he could admit to Link. It was one of the dumbest reasons he’d ever been angry; even though he could recognize this, he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling.

“Marshmallows.” The word escaped before Rhett could stop it. It sounded even stupider coming out of his mouth than he expected. His cheeks warmed.

“Marshmallows?”

“Yes.”

“You’re gonna have to elaborate on that one a bit,” Link said.

He still couldn’t look in Link’s direction. “You had to pack marshmallows, didn’t you?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m not going camping without making s’mores.”

Rhett drained the last of his beer and tossed the bottle to the ground at his feet. He knew he shouldn’t say anything more. He should walk to the tent and go to sleep for the night. But, something stopped him from doing it. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through his veins; maybe it was the fact that the two of them were finally getting a moment alone after the stress of filming season two of Buddy System; or maybe it was just time to finally come clean. “Well, then, I guess you shoulda brought him out here.”

A long silence fell between them. For what felt like an eternity, the only sounds in the clearing were the crackling and popping of the fire. Finally, Link spoke.

“Him? What are you… Oh. Oh, Rhett. You seriously can’t still be upset about what happened. It’s been months.”

“He was all over you, man!” Rhett roared his reply. His words echoed through the silence of the night.

Link didn’t hesitate. Rhett felt, rather than saw, Link moving behind him. When his hands dropped to Rhett’s tense shoulders, he whispered, “Aww, Rhett, c’mon.” His long fingers kneaded the tight muscles, but Rhett wasn’t going to give in that easily.

“You can’t give me a massage to make this better, Link.” He swatted away Link’s hands and got to his feet.

“No?” Link’s arms snaked around him from behind. His traced his hands up Rhett’s stomach so they came to rest on his chest. “You’re so stiff… so stressed… need someone to rub your chest?” He moved his fingers in deep circles on Rhett’s pectoral muscles.

“Not fair to use my own song against me,” Rhett said.

“Since when do I play fair?” Link squeezed him tightly, hugging him from behind as he continued to rub away the tension in Rhett’s chest. Despite himself, Rhett felt his anger starting to melt with each pass of Link’s talented fingers across his muscles.

“I’m being ridiculous, right?”

“A bit, yeah,” Link said, pressing a kiss against his back. “But, you know, you’re kinda cute when you get jealous.”

“Hmm.” Rhett leaned back into Link’s embrace. “I wouldn’t get so jealous if you didn’t flirt so much.”

Link moved so he stood in front of Rhett. “For the record, Jimmy was flirting with me, not the other way around.” He pointed at the fire. “Put that out, will ya?”

“What about your s’mores?”

Link shook his head. “There’s something more important I need to take care of tonight.”

“What’s that?”

“Can’t leave your song unfinished.” He smirked at Rhett. “I think it’s about time I finally worked that booty knot, don’t you?”

I still can’t believe that Spies Are Forever had an entire song that started out looking like it was going to be the typical Spy Protagonist Dude gets together with Attractive Spy Lady, went on to take the piss out of every trope associated with those kinds of scenes and ended with Spy Protagonist Dude going “okay I’m really gay but you’re cool so we’re still bros right?” and Attractive Spy Lady going “hell yeah we’re bros”

Million Reasons

This is my Dean version and it does get angsty but do not fear I always end in fluff/smut. 

Dean and Reader, Sam, Castiel

@supernatural-jackles @not-moose-one-shots@5minutefanfiction@smacklesandstretch67@bringmesomepie56@sanityoverrated27@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog@deanscolette@mysteriouslyme81@jensen-jarpad @27bmm@deathtonormalcy56@kittenofdoomage @luci-in-trenchcoats @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala@nichelle-my-belle @not-moose-squad @notnaturalanahi

A Million Reasons Lady GaGa            Adorn Miguel

Warnings: Angst, Sad Dean, Heartbroken Reader, cute af Dean, happy reader, smut, happy ending

Originally posted by yourfavoritedirector

                             I had been excited for so long, with everything going on, Dean and I haven’t had any alone time and now was our chance. It was just a day trip but packed our bags just in case we wanted to spend the night. When I had woken up this morning, I noticed Dean was already up. I got up and stretched then headed for the library. Dean was on his laptop, so I walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing him on the cheek. “Good Morning” “Good Morning” He took a deep sigh and pulled my arms away from his neck.

              “I’m sorry sweetheart but we need to postpone the trip” “What? Why?” “Sam found a hunt this morning and it needs to be taken care of” “Ok, why can’t you call someone else?” He just shook his head and stomped out of the library. I couldn’t figure out what I had done to make him so angry with me. I wiped the unshed tears from my eyes and went back to bed, this time in my old room. I couldn’t be around him today, knowing I did something that made him angry.

              I must have fallen back asleep; the next I know I hear pounding on the door. “Really y/n? You’re so selfish sometimes! Hunting comes first you knew that! We’re heading out” This time I tried so hard to keep the sobs down, not wanting to piss him off any more than he already was. I waited until I knew they were gone and grabbed my bag. If Dean didn’t want to go with me then I would just go by myself. I grabbed the cooler and the tent; packing up the back of my car and heading out to where our destination was.

Sam POV

              I could see Dean was pissed but I had no idea why, and I couldn’t believe what he said to y/n. She was least selfish person I knew. “Wanna talk about it?” “Talk about what?” “y/n” “Nothing to say Sammy” “How could you treat her that way? She’s by our side through this whole mess and never complained, not once. She asks for one day for you her to spend together and you treat her like a piece of crap!” He just turned up the radio and ignored me for the rest of the ride.

Reader POV

              I finally made it and found a good place by the water to set up the tent. I always wanted to go camping, so Dean wanted to do that with me. Now though, he’s off on some hunt and I’m here alone and wondering how things got so messy. I was tired no I was exhausted, dealing with everything that had happened, I needed a vacation.

              As I sat and watched the waves, I thought back to how long Dean and I had been together. Was it even worth it anymore? He was good at pushing people away but he couldn’t push me away. I wondered sometimes if it was even worth fighting for anymore. I grew up in the life the same way he was and he calls me selfish, maybe it wasn’t worth fighting anymore.

              I turned on my phone to see nothing from Dean but plenty from Sam, I guess I got my answer then. I decided to just go back to the bunker and pack up my stuff, I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t wanted anymore. I didn’t have a lot, I could load up three duffle bags and be gone as quick as I could. I sat down and wrote a letter to Dean. I hoped he could find someone else to make him happy.

              I drove a couple towns over, and rented a room for a week. I had to figure out what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to hunt solo, that meant I get a job and find a permanent place of residence. This wasn’t going to be easy.

Dean POV

              The longer we were gone the worst I felt for I left things. When I tried calling it just went to voicemail, I wasn’t going to spill my guts on a message. When we finished the hunt, I tried calling again but this time it told me that it was no longer in service. I was really hoping I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life. Sam saw my panic, so we rushed home hoping that she would still be there.

              We parked into the garage, but I didn’t see her car. I ran inside to our room and my heart shattered into a million pieces. She was gone, and I was the one that sent her packing. I saw an envelope sitting on the desk with my name on it. With my hands shaking I opened it to see tear stained paper and her beautiful handwriting.

Dean,

              I want you to know I will always love you,

but I couldn’t stay. That day you left like that you

broke my heart, more than anything in this world.

I waited so long, for an ‘I love you’ or a kiss or

something that showed I was still your girl,

but I guess our time ran out.

              Find someone Dean, to make you

happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy, I

will always love you and please don’t try to

find me. It’ll only break me more, stay safe

Dean.

 

Love,

Y/N

 

              I sat there with tears running down my face, I let her down, and she thought I was never happy with her. I walked back out and handed Sam the letter, this was my fault and I needed to fix it but I didn’t want to hurt her more. I prayed to Cas just asking him to watch over her. I heard wings and saw him with a heartbroken look on his face. “Hey, Cas, what’s going on?” “Y/n is so sad, she’s not eating, she’s not sleeping. All she does is cry and drink” “It’s my fault Cas, I’m the one that broke her”

              “I will keep an eye on her Dean” “Thank you Cas” with that he was gone. I had no clue to fix this, how to show her how sorry I am. I would do what she said and give her space even though deep down I just wanted to go and get her. To hold her in my arms and never let go, beg for forgiveness and do whatever it took.

Reader POV

              I wanted to go back so bad, I felt like a huge part of me was missing. I couldn’t go back though, Dean would have moved on by now. “You’re wrong” “Cas! A little warning next time!” He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. “You are so wrong! Dean has been miserable without you, and he knows he screwed up. He’s been fighting the urge to bust down the door and just drag you back” I just shook my head and went back to making my dinner.

              I turned on the radio and heard ‘Million Reasons’ come on, and automatically started crying. I missed them so much, but I had to be strong. What I wouldn’t give to just have one night of Dean just holding me, but that was just crap and I knew that. I had found an apartment but it was a dump, well it was all I could afford. I was just tired of cooking, so I threw it into the sink and went to the corner bar. I loved the food and they always had good beer on tap. I found a corner booth and put in my order, I was exhausted in every way shape and form. My depression and anxiety hadn’t been this bad in a long time. I could feel the tears building in my eyes, putting my face in my hands I let the tears fall. No one would know I was crying and I could feel better to enjoy my food.

              “Here ya go honey” “Thanks Maddie” “Still missing him huh?” I just nodded and she understood, she just squeezed my arm and walked away. I dug into my burger and just kept being reminded of Dean, anything and everything I did reminded me of him. I just threw the burger on my plate and looked to my right at the wall willing away the tears.

              “You know that looks really good” I knew that voice, but I truly hoped that I was imagining all of it. I slowly turned and saw a set of green eyes that haunted me all hours of the day. He looked worse than I did, bags under his eyes and completely blood shot. “Why are you here?” “I came to take you home” I just shook my head, I couldn’t do this, I wouldn’t do this. “I can’t Dean, I can’t handle it anymore” “I’m so sorry I said that”

              “You weren’t supposed to come find me” “I’m going to fight for my girl! I want you home in my arms! It’s not home when your gone” “I can’t Dean, I just can't” I got out of the booth leaving Dean behind. He had broken me too much to go back, too much to fix things. I made it home in record time and found Cas sitting in my living room. “You’re supposed to be going back with Dean, why is he not with you?”

              “I can’t go back, there’s too much pain and damage to fix it” I heard a rustle of wings and I decided to just to change into my pajamas and watch a movie on Netflix. I was exhausted but wide awake at the same time. I walked out to the living room to see Dean asleep on the couch. Cas was really working overtime to get us back together. I grabbed two beers and sat one in front of Dean then taking mine into my bedroom.

              “Please come back?” His voice broke, he looked at me like a tired man, someone who was tired of fighting. I realized then and there that he felt the same way I did. I scooted over and patted the bed next to me. How could I be mad anymore? He was just as tired as I was and just as maybe more broken. He got undressed and got under the blankets, he grasped onto me putting his face into my neck softly crying. So, I just held him and let him get everything out, letting him hold me tightly.

              As I woke up the next morning, Dean was gone and I was very confused. I walked out to the kitchen and saw him at the stove making eggs and bacon. He must have gone out to pick up a few things. “Dean?” He turned to look at me and walked towards me grasping my face and kissing me. It had been so long and I was so relieved that he was willing to do whatever it took for us to be together. “I made some breakfast, then maybe both of us could go back home. It’s not the same without you”

              That kiss had reminded me of everything I had been missing, but it also reminded me of how Dean had been with me. I stepped back and took a deep breath; I walked back to my room and just got back into bed burrowing under the covers. “Y/n please come out?” By now I was fully sobbing, I can’t go through that again. I felt the blanket be lifted, then a weight on the bed. “Sweetheart please? Let me make this up to you” “What happens when you do it again? What happens when I get completely shattered again?”

              “All I have are my words, but I promise I will never be that way again” I just rolled over and faced the opposite direction. “I’ll be back in a little bit” Once I heard the apartment door shut, I let it all out. All the tears, heartbreak, and anger that I had towards him. I must have fallen back asleep, I could feel a weight on the bed and being pulled into a pair of arms that used to bring me comfort and joy. I sighed and just enjoyed the moment, I didn’t have the energy to deal with him.

              “I will make this right baby, you’re going to pack a bag and we are going on that trip I promised you” I couldn’t say no, I could see how hard he was working to get me back. “Okay, let me get a shower and I’ll pack a bag” I opened my eyes to see something I hadn’t seen in so long, Dean smiling. I leaned in and kissed him sweetly then jumped into the shower. I dried off and put on the comfiest clothes I could find, knowing it was going to be a long trip.

              I was still so unsure about this, I just kept wondering when it was going to back to the way it was. He wasn’t the only one who dealt with the shit storm that had come to us, as usual. Once everything was packed and ready to go, I got in the passenger side as Dean got in and started her up. Dean tried to make small talk but he understood my doubt, so it was silent with the radio playing softly filling the inside with the tunes of classic rock.

              It was just after dark when we pulled up, and I was wondering where we were. “A short walk that way and you’ll see our campsite.” We got out and grabbed our bags, Dean leading the way. I was a little nervous but when I saw what was waiting for us I was speechless. There was a fire going with a picnic table and a huge airstream with lights on the canopy. I was speechless at how much work went into this. “Did I do ok?” I simply nodded still stunned at the sight.

              He pulled me with him into the trailer and gasped, there were candles lit and rose petals the lead to the king size bed. I turned to see Dean had taken his jacket and flannel off, the tight black shirt hugging his broad shoulders and his bulging biceps. I walked up to him putting my hands on his chest then sliding up around his neck. I pulled him down kissing him passionately and giving the all clear to make his move.

        We moved slowly towards the bed slowly undressing each other. I felt the bed bump against my knees so I crawled back and got under the covers beckoning him to me. He got in next to me then pulling me to him kissing me and gripping my hips. He rolled me to my back then started kissing lower until he reached my breasts giving them both equal attention, then he went even lower kissing both of my hips then hovering over my core.

              He knew I loved the slow burn, so he took his time bringing me to the edge time and time again. He crawled back up to me slowly kissing every piece of skin he could, then reaching my neck he sucked dark marks into my neck making sure I knew I was his. He kissed me hard while he pushed in until he was fully sheathed. He started slowly thrusting, it wasn’t about the release it was about being together and loving each other. His hands slowly filled mine then interlocked, needing to feel every part connected.

              “Dean I…I’m” “Go ahead baby, cum for me” It then hit me all at once, the pleasure was a slow burn like waves hitting the beach. Dean had also cum during this and just made the orgasm stronger. He dropped next to me then pulling me to him I snuggled into him and fell asleep hoping this wasn’t a dream. As I started to wake up, I could smell coffee and pancakes. I grabbed Deans flannel and put on a pair of panties and walked out to see him in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else.

              “Good morning handsome” I stood next to him as he put the last of the food on the plates and walked over to the table. We sat down and dug in, Dean was an amazing cook and an amazing man. “I can’t say I’m sorry enough for what I said, I’m so so sorry baby” I got up and walked around sitting on his lap. “Your forgiven baby, I love you and nothing will change that” I kissed him again, but it turned passionate quickly.

              We spent the entire day like that, enjoying the beach, going for a swim and eating amazing food. It had been five days of complete bliss, Dean had a surprise waiting for me. He had made y/f/m as you sat outside and watched the sun go down. He came over and sat next to me and asked me to marry him, which of course I said yes. As we sat snuggled on a blanket in front of the fire, he told me how much he wanted a family and to somewhat settle down.

              The entire night was spent talking and discussing everything under the sun, the love of my life and future husband was amazing and I was blessed to have him.

anonymous asked:

Your art is so amazing ;-; I can't ask stuff on your art tumblr since I don't have an account, so I have to on here. Anyway, quick question: How do you draw and line up faces so nicely? Like make the eyes and hair look normal on the head. (Teach me how to phoenix ;-;)

Hello! Thank you so much! I’ll try my best to help you out ^^;; Altho these are not the “rules” (since there are no rules in art, just techniques) so aaa take these with a grain of salt.

Ok so for the faces, just use the basic circle + cross! it’s a useful guide to know where to line up the features and also the perspective of the face!

For the hair, use the circle as a guide to where the hair should be. but don’t strictly follow through the lines to draw on the hair. 

Hair has volume so remember it always kinda floofs on the head. i mean it’s not directly connected on the skull right? so draw it a little farther away from your guide. It’s just a guide after all.

For  Phoenix – You know, even I’M not sure how to draw him. But let me tell you how big of a help references are! (honestly i’ve been drawing him for 2 years now and i’m still so lost on how to draw him without a reference)

Can you now see my suffering.

I hope I’ve somehow helped you!! (I really can’t help with phoenix, because i’m clueless with how to draw this man myself CRIES but just use references then from there see how its easiest to draw him. you’ll eventually incorporate your style into the character)