i can't stop thinking about how the whole secret will come out

sassy-molassy  asked:

Reddie prompt: "You only want me when you can't have me". Some angsty shit with a fluffy end. It doesn't matter who these words will belong to, Eddie or Richie, I will be glad anyway if you'll write it.

okay sick done. i hope you like this, it feels like it’s shit but i also kind of love it? idk here u go darling xxx

ao3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12334281

warnings: kissing, swearing, mentions of sex i guess?? they’re sixteen yo

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anonymous asked:

Rn I'm living on kind of a toxic house for idk how much longer (trying to move out asap) but a lot of things make me anxious/angry/feel all kinds of negative emotions. Could this affect my magic? If so, what can I do to fix that? I can't go anywhere else to do magic and I have to be discreet, my parents are hardcore Christians. I don't want to stop doing witchcraft tho, I really enjoy it even if it doesn't work, it kinda helps me feel better.

It can if you think it will. I assume that’s already a worry in your mind, since you’re asking this question. It’s like how we say doubting your spells can actually help them fail - this is sort of in that vein of thought. If you think it matters, that it will have an impact on your impact, then it can.

A lot of people talk about not needing to be in a calm / positive state when it comes to your spellwork - it really comes down to your frame of mind. Some spells require those emotions to fuel them - mostly curses, but certain spells call for you bring up those things to bind or banish them as well.

So, at that point it’s a matter of letting yourself believe and know that it will not affect your magic, and trying to keep the doubt from your mind. And I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you keep trying, keep pushing those thoughts, eventually one day it will just be that way (the whole “fake it ‘till you make it” mantra, right?). 

You can still research magic and call yourself a witch, even if you’re taking a break between castings. I mean, it’s been, like, months since I did a “proper” spell, with candles and crystals and herbs and stuff like that. But here I am, still a witch, just focusing on expanding my knowledge at this time. That can be an option if you are willing to wait until you leave the house to do magic, so the negativity won’t impact it. And it makes me feel better too, I feel you.

Otherwise, you have a couple of other options as well.

You can [cast a ward] (tw: gif) around your bedroom - think of it like a layer of thick and potent energy coating your walls, as close to them as possible - so as not to allow any other negativity from the rest of your house in. Here are some more options for warding techniques:

Alternatively, here is this post: [Transmuting Energy: An Alternative to Shielding] (tw: gif as blog header).

From there, [cleanse often] to keep any negativity out of your space, and from you. A discreet cleansing is open up a window and direct the airflow to come in, sweep up any negativity, and bring it back out again. The “light visualization” is also a wonderful way to cleanse a space with no tools. You can also [decontaminate people before they enter your space], an amazing idea brought forward by @stsathyre​.

Self cleansing is also great to help with any negativity you may have picked up in the meantime - you still have to interact with the rest of the house right? Shampoos and body washes can be enchanted simply to help you cleanse as well as clean in your shower. My favorite method of self cleansing is standing out in the rain as it falls - and it’s getting to be better weather (at least where I am), the ideal time for this! 

Discreet practicing comes down to a lot of [energy work], in my opinion - you don’t need any tools, really, just your own body and an understanding of working with energy. I do spells with my intent and tapping debit machines to make them load faster. I also draw down rain by willing it, and some subtle hand gestures. 

Here are some more resources on discreet magic:

* not my choice of title

So. That was a bit of stuff, lol. I hope it can help you or give you some more ideas. Best of luck, anon! :D

anonymous asked:

I don't wanna call it too soon but this is the CUTEST PHIL LS maybe ever. Can't wait for you to say a little on it (especially re his many verbal eyerolls at chat, and the cat paintings...)

ughhhh yes there were definitely so, so many cute little anecdotes and jokes, and a lot of interesting tidbits that i took note of while watching: 

  • he opens the show by saying that he “welcomes” people calling him dad and appreciates all the father’s day messages. amazing
  • he bought his own dad a tasting selection of jams and marmalades which immediately made me irate bc it sounds like the perf gift for my father except i would never think of it bc i’m not as creative as phil ugh. phil probs buys everyone the best presents and i’m envious of people who are good at that
  • i loled at the fact that some vintage family drama sent like nine of phil’s great uncles to australia why is that so funny. also hearing re-confirmation of just how huge phil’s family is was kind of refreshing
  • the whole centipede anecdote killed me omg jst the image of phil freaking out and calling dan into the room (whether it was in his bedroom or somewhere else, i don’t rly feel like weighing in on that debate) and then dan obviously proceeding to freak out even more than phil (which we can very vividly picture based on his reactions in the piece of art that is phil lester vs. praying mantis.) it was just such a cute story lmao, i loved the way that phil called the bug a creepy crawly and said, ‘dan’s not a fan of those creepy crawlies either’ ughghghghhh. and i love that phil is definitely forever and always going to be the designated bug-catcher in their house even though he’s scared of bugs too, jst bc dan is always too busy having an actual breakdown any time he sees an insect
  • the random interjection of him screaming ‘bear’ from the bear kayak video made me lol
  • when he’s talking about bryony’s cat paintings and says he and dan are the only ppl who like them, i like that they pretty much always share tastes in everything, be less conjoined pls 
  • him narrating his thought process when he bought the fairy light twigs: ‘what i need in my life is some light-up sticks’
  • his plan to change up the dresser trinkets for every video is interesting and referring to the setup as a ‘tableau’ lmao–as i’ve said multiple times i don’t believe this room is his primary living quarters so i def took this idea to change up the background every time he films as further confirmation that this room is basically a set 
  • martyn has been in a ‘plane incident’ at one point in his life, didn’t know that
  • the way he talked about louise’s baby was so cuteeeee, his huge grin, the way he immediately went into a higher pitched voice, cheeky suggesting ‘phil’ as a name and then saying philippa could be a boy’s name but getting a bit nervous to make the general point about not needing to gender names and just saying ‘i mean’ a lot and giggling. then his feigned indignation when someone suggested ‘daniel’ lol he’s cute
  • learning dil was pregnant made him want to ‘rip his face off’ ok calm down mate
  • the fidget spinner omg: the way that he needed to make clear that it was no ‘2 pound friend present’ lmao i read this as him jokingly being a bit salty that dan didn’t appreciate all of the time and effort and ‘good money’ he put into this loving and thoughtful gift ahhaha. it was jst such a comfortable and warm little comment i loved it. and i love that he thinks it’s beautiful bc of the colors and i was lit dying at the whole story of him lying on the floor and trying to show off to dan that he could balance it on his nose and then utterly failing. adds more context to the way that dan was so fond last week when he talked about phil injuring himself with it
  • he doesn’t like killing animals, and always finds a way to trap them and throw them outside 
  • when someone asks him to give them a nickname and he comes up with, ‘ma more like mars expedition’.. wtf he’s adorable
  • kath could ‘open a brownie farm’ PHIL PLS 
  • ‘stop calling me dad though bc it’s inappropriate,’ he says with a barely concealed smile as he complies with everyone’s wishes to clean them. why does he love being called dad i need to lie down 
  • traditional lester thing is to get fish and chips when they’re all together
  • his sheer excitement about wonder woman was amazing omg. ‘she kicks so much butt but she has a personality and more movies should be made with a woman as the main character like that’ yAS phil 
  • thoughts on chris pine: he originally jst says he’s ‘funny’ but then when someone in the chat says ‘chris pine is fricking hot,’ he basically agrees and adds that he is ‘distracting’ and ‘radiating out of his face … what is that face? how do you achieve such a face?’ fucking amazing.
  • he always finds coins that are from 1997 lmao only he would notice that and think it’s some secret conspiracy by the universe jst to fuck with him
  • this week’s beauty tips:
    • change your face wash every 3-4 months because your face gets used to it. also you might want your face to smell like something different (his face currently smells of tree sap)
    • don’t spray hair spray directly into your mouth bc it tastes really bad and probably isn’t good for your health
    • drink lots of water (again)
    • put tea bags on your eyes and the caffeine will make you feel more energized and also you’ll look beautiful with teabags on your eyes
  • i’m certain that phil giggling, ‘but they’ve seen it from space and it’s a globe!’ single-handedly debunked the flat earth conspiracy
  • he goes ‘poot’ when he sprays febreze,,,, jesus christ. also of course he had a vanilla cupcake scented air freshener once,,,, have i mentioned that i am so fucking in love with phil jesUS 
  • his spon of dan’s vid was interesting to me, he kind of seemed to think of it at the very last moment even after he’d said goodbye to a bunch of people, and focused more on sponning it than sponning his own vid or anything from the gaming channel. he said it was ‘very funny’ which i’ll admit only added to my confusion about the objective or intention of dan’s video bc it didn’t strike me as trying to be comedic in any way. i wonder if phil genuinely found it funny and what he liked about it hahah, i honestly would pay for him to give it an honest review
  • his lil meows at the end before he clicked out were v pure i adore him

ya i love phil, ik it’s breaking news to yall but i really, really do. his live shows are always exactly what i need and he makes me so happy 

(phil live show: giant centipede attack - 6.18.17)

Drawn Together

A/N: Happy Birthday, Hermione Granger!! This is just a fluffy little one shot that came to me as a sweet, fluffy little plot bunny about three hours ago. It may induce cavities. It is also a shameless wave to my #pittp crew!

It had started in third year, a LOT of things started in third year come to think of it. Her 14th birthday had been very uneventful, even as her birthdays went. The Grangers had never been one to make a fuss over birthdays, so Hermione really never missed anything by not being home. She was not like her dorm mates who dramatically announced their birthdays loudly for weeks before the actual date and squealed in excitement when they received magical packages full of completely frivolous gifts. So first and second year passed without anyone, including her best friends, knowing when her birthday even was.

It may have stayed that way indefinitely if it hadn’t been for Crookshanks. When she saw him in the store, she knew immediately how she wanted to spend her birthday money. He was perfect: all ginger fur and attitude and an intelligence that she couldn’t quite explain again, a LOT of things started in third year. But when the store owner gave her the price, and Hermione laid the money out without even flinching, she couldn’t help but notice Ron’s expression. It was a look that made her feel like she did when Malfoy made some snide comment about his robes or his family, so she quickly blurted out, “My parents gave me this money as an early birthday present!” She hoped that it would help soothe his feelings, but instead she could almost hear him thinking, “Ten whole galleons for your birthday! You really are spoiled!”

Of course Ron Weasley wasn’t really thinking that, but it did still shock him that her family seemed to have so much extra. But, in a moment of blossoming maturity, he decided to focus on what she had let slip.

“How early?”

“Huh?”

“Your birthday, when is it?”

“Oh…uh…the 19th.”

“Of this month?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded at her, and before she knew it they were bickering about the merits, or lack thereof, of her new pet. By the time the 19th arrived, she had all but forgotten that she had even told him about it. It was a Sunday, but thanks to her massive course load she was swamped with extra work. She avoided using the Turner unless she could absolutely not avoid it; she had been warned to use it sparingly because there could be side effects, so she spent most of the day literally up to her eyebrows in books and assignments in the library.

As she furiously scribbled revisions on her Arithmancy essay, a short piece of parchment drifted over her stack of texts and landed in front of her surprised face. Lifting her head quickly, she could see no traces of life; the rest of the library’s patrons had cleared out hours ago. When she examined the piece of paper she found that it was some kind of homemade card. It was folded (somewhat unevenly for her perfectionist tastes) and bore “Happy Birthday” in large sloping letters on the front. Opening it she found an illustration of what appeared to be Crookshanks looking into a crystal ball with the caption, “I see that it’s your birthday. Hope it’s purr-fect.” She laughed before she could help herself, and Ron came around the closest shelf holding a small bundle, grinning broadly.

“You are the only person that I have ever met that would voluntarily spend their birthday in a library,” he sat down beside her, offering her what he carried.

“Hmph…just because I was born on this day doesn’t mean I should get behind on my revisions,” she tried to keep her tone stern, but she was sure he could tell just how happy she was that he was there.

“Behind? Hermione Granger has never been behind a day in her life! I bet you were even born early!”

“Well, actually…I was born three weeks before my mother’s due date.”

“Oi! I was just joking, but it all makes sense now!”

“Ha.ha.ha. So, did you come here to tease me or what?”

“Nope…that was just a bonus. I came to bring you that,” he motioned over at what he had sat on the table, “It’s not a gift or anything…I mean…it’s just that I haven’t been anywhere to buy you anything,” his face started to go a little red.

She interrupted, “Of course not, honestly, birthdays are not a big deal to me, the card was great!”

“You liked it?”

“Crookshanks has never looked better!”

“Well, good…I also brought you something to eat. You weren’t at dinner, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t go starving yourself. And I got you a few birthday biscuits! I would have gotten you cake, but you like biscuits better…and cake is hard to carry cause the frosting gets all smushed and…well, any way: cheers!”

“Cheers!”

She could not believe, later as she drifted off to sleep, just how great a birthday could be.

@@@

That had been the start of it. Every year the gift she looked forward to most was Ron’s card. The drawings, which really did show a talent that she could not believe he never showed off to anyone else, were always something amusing and always included a clever caption. She kept them all in a box in her trunk until the day she modified her parents’ memories. She could not bear the thought of them being lost or ruined on the hunt, so she hid them in a secret, magical compartment in her bedroom before leaving for the Burrow.

After their narrow escape from the Ministry, Ron’s splinching, and the effects of the locket, Hermione had all but forgotten about her birthday. And, had she remembered, she would have assumed that Ron surely had more important things on his mind. So, imagine her surprise, her unbridled joy, when she opened The Tales of Beadle the Bard on that one particular Friday in September, to find the gift she wanted almost more than any other because you really can’t wrap a kiss. The card, folded much more beautifully than usual, with an extremely well drawn picture of their tent, nestled in the pines, and the caption “No need to PINE, your birthday will be divine.” She almost groaned aloud at the horrible pun, but stopped short at the signature: Love, Ron.

Crackship: Nezriel

Okay so Sarah (@nessiansmut) and I officially moved into the loony bin last night after the whole Elriel/Elucien debate got too much for us and we started considering Nezriel (yes, that’s Nesta and Azriel) and we sorta ended up building a ship - crackship, but still - from scratch. Without further ado, we give you Nezriel:

  • they understand each other’s darkness: him being locked in that cell/dungeon and her drowning in the cauldron. She realises that he understands what she’s feeling in a way the others can't 
  • both of their powers came to them after being trapped in the dark
  • if Nesta was snarky with him, he’d sass her right back and she’d be taken aback to hear that coming from him. After that happens they end up making out
  • Nesta was completely surprised because wtf just happened. She doesn’t like him like that and he certainly doesn’t like her like that.
  • Azriel doesn’t go to the house after that for a few days because he shouldn’t be having these feelings towards her. He’s pretty sure Cassian is in love with her. 
  • but there’s a clear difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction and she can’t lie she’s attracted to his brooding silent tall dark and handsome thing and wants to see if it’s just a front or not and he’s secretly so turned on by her fierceness and anger
  • so he acts out and attacks Eris at the high lord meeting because everyone thinks he’s into Mor. And he is she’s hot but not like what he’s feeling for Nesta.
  • and Nesta knows deep down she cares about Cassian but she can’t deny the strange sexual tension between her and Az
  • the fact that the whole thing is a secret and NEEDS to stay a secret makes it even more exciting
  • imagine one catching the other looking at them at dinner with everyone from the inner circle around
  • Cassian is just always there always touching her and he just can’t. Az would get so possessive even though Nesta isn’t hers and Cass probably has a lot more reasons to touch her than he does but that doesn’t mean her doesn’t DESPERATELY want to touch her
  • He’d reach his shadows under the table to touch her just once. Not even sexual just to see if he was the only one feeling this way. And when she feels that shadow touch her leg her eyes just lock onto his and suddenly you can cut the tension in the room with a knife. Just as he’s surprised that she looked at him and starts pulling the shadow away from her she subtly stretches her leg so it brushes up against the shadow again
  • they’re basically playing shadow footsie under the table
  • he saved Elain because he knew how devastated Nesta would be if something happened to her. ‘I’m getting her back.’ was meant as reassurance and a promise to Nesta
  • and that’s why he spends time with her. He knows that if Elain gets better it will bring Nesta some piece of mind. And when she gets better he starts subtly asking her questions about Nesta to find out more about her
  • and that fire on Nesta’s drawer wasn’t fire for the autumn court or Cassian’s siphons. It was fire for the scars on Azriel’s hands.
  • so the inner circle are all hanging out and the conversation kinda takes an unexpected turn and Az is telling her and Elain the story of how he got the scars on his hands and his childhood and everything  and nesta just goes utterly still with rage but she can’t really react too much but she’s so mad and won’t stop looking at him and afterwards she catches him alone and tells him that those who did that to him deserve to die
  • and the conversation is short and basically consists of them just saying that they care about each other in EXTREMELY subtle ways
  • Az starts teaching her Illyrian. And because he knows she likes to read he gives her the books he read as a children.
  • She’d be subtly letting words slip in Illyrian during conversations and he’d be so turned on when she speaks Illyrian. They’d be like feysand writing secret notes but in Illyrian so that if Feyre ever saw them she would just think that its spy messages
  • they have their lessons in the library and it’d be the only time they really spend alone cause they have the lessons as an excuse
  • in wings and embers Nesta was super pissed Cassian showed up because normally Azriel was the one that delivered the letters. 
  • In ACOWAR Azriel was about to object to bringing Nesta to the court of nightmares and when Nesta asks him about the fate of the queens his damn siphons smolder
  • Azriel comes to rescue Feyre from Nessian but it was really so that he could see a riled up Nesta and he is so mad that Cass can just casually flirt with her while he has to keep his emotions in check. But then she shuts Cassian down and it turns him on so much
  • Good thing he has great self control or else he’d jump her right there consequences be damned
  • he is an extremely jealous bat and he’d tell Nesta about having the biggest wingspan after he sees Cassian flirting with her. Anytime Cass hits on her his shadows tell him and he just drops a magic note to her with some sassy bitter I’m better than him crap and he’d make sure that the next time him and Cass fly off from near her she sees the wingspan comparison
  • they would have really hot sex after all that sexual tension though. His shadows would be holding her hands above her head when they fuck against the wall. Az would be used to taking control and Nesta would simply refuse to let him do it

Conclusion: it’s a beautiful ship and it’s meant to be and I’m currently writing Nezriel smut so you’re welcome

Missed Call

Drabble game request: Jin + “Come over here and make me.” + Roommate AU | for anon(s)

Character / Genre: Seokjin x reader | Roommate!au, friends to lovers!au, fluff | 2,300 words (idk how it got this long, I’m sorry)

Warning: Extremely cheesy. Prepare to cringe.


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Class 1-A Tumblrs

Midoriya: All Might blogger, ultimate hero fandom blogger, reblogs positive posts, makes good gifs of All Might as his reactions, he’s the one you go to if you wanna know more about a hero (he has a side blog dedicated to finding hero stuff for cheap), over all a very positive blog with a few very dedicated followers

Bakugou: A N G R Y blogger who gives out actual good advice but regularly does it in a more than abusive and patronizing tone. He’s the reason the YFIP was created. Reblogs hero posts and only communicates in capslocks and key smashes. Has blocked more people than he has followers. He never changes his content but he does tag triggers without a shitty comment.

Ochako: would be a pastel space aesthetic blogger if she didn’t make the colors so bold and positivity blogger who regularly posts about ways to save money and live on the cheap. Regularly gets asks about how someone was feeling bad until the found her blog (she always replies with pictures of baby animals)

Tsuyu: Memes. Memes everywhere. You cannot escape these genuinely funny and good memes but why would you want to. Shitposts about adulting but still manages to give good advice. Her most popular post is a vine with her riding a unicycle and croaking “oh shit whaddup” in her most deadpanned voice

Kirishima: Fitness blogger who’s linked to his Instagram. He memes occasionally, but badly, although he’s got a few posts over a hundred notes. He always refers to his biceps as “the gun show” and no matter how many times Bakugou capslocks about not calling them that he never listens (he can neither confirm nor deny that he says this just for those keys mash moments). Retro Crimson Riot aesthetics.

Iida: study aesthetics and school advice that’s too complicated to actually follow. Has a good handwriting aesthetic because of how neat it is. Always reblogs posts concerning patience and good morals (regularly reblogs Bakugou’s angry key smashes and tries to calm him down with three paragraphs and a hands up emoji). ALWAYS reblogs Ingenium posts with his own add ons (he and Midoriya have had some posts nearly thirty reblogs long over how cool Ingenium is). Has a queue going until next year.

Kaminari: Unironic bad fashion aesthetics like neon leopard print Nikes and Pokemon art. Shitposts and memes but nothing spectacular. Has a Selfie Saturday where he posts like five selfies and then repeatedly refreshes to see how many notes they get. (Has a side blog dedicated to quotes and literary reviews and aesthetics)

Mineta: 18+ blogger all under aged followers will be blocked (he never fucking checks). Not even good porn it’s all boring or nasty no in between

Todoroki: slightly emo hipster blogger who posts a lot of “under the cut” personal rants and always gets genuinely shocked when people ask if he’s alright. Light memes but only the ones he finds funny (so once in a blue moon). Makes city aesthetics and only ever posts selfies that aren’t his face

Tokoyami: E M O A E S T H E T I C S and unironically has a Gemsona. Always gets asked if he’s a furry and he always replies that this person is testing the black waters of his hatred. Dark fashion blogger who has never posted a color that wasn’t black, red, or emerald. Reblogs Addams Family posts with #lifegoals. Thinks Tim Burton and Quentin Tarantino are the only true artists among Hollywood directors.

Yaoyorozu: study aesthetics and science blogger, she IS the science side of Tumblr. Magazine article links every single day. She doesn’t understand what a meme is and at this point has stopped trying, but she does reblog puns. She and Iida make up half the study aesthetics page. A good body positivity blog TBH. Keeps a posting schedule religiously.

Ashido: body positivity, fashion and make up blog, her positivity posts don’t make sense half the time because of all the emojis and bad spelling but her energy always comes through her posts. She posts wear to find cute, trendy and fashionable stuff for cheap budgets. Her aesthetics include runway pics and selfies taken with friends as well as her own personal selfies with her favorite outfits.

Jirou: music blogger, band blogger, playlist maker, she is 100% music with occasional videos of her playing her bass to popular songs as well as music videos from her fave bands all the time. Has a side blog dedicated to girly aesthetics and baby animals. Uses this blog to vague about Kaminari.

Kouda: that one baby animals blogger that is pure and sweet and when sent a dirty message doesn’t get it but says thanks anyways???? (Has learned to stop looking up things that don’t make sense to him because that’s what he learned what shot gunning was). Posts about how to care for your animals and is always happy to help in anyways he can so he consistently reblogs donation posts. Makes cute little doodle cartoons about animals.

Aoyama: shiny aesthetics blogger and that one gif maker everyone with a seizure disorder has learned to block. Positivity posts aren’t so much about believing in yourself as much as loving yourself like Aoyama loves himself. Multilingual blogger and has whole posts and conversations in French. Has a “Lights in Paris” post that reached over a thousand notes that’s just a photoshop edit of him arching over the Eiffel Tower with his belly button laser

Satou: food blogger who posts barely three times a week and only breaks this when he’s lifting when he suddenly becomes a fitness blog for a day and then goes back to food. Has a side blog for memes and shitposts he forgot about in 2010.

Hagakure: that one person who always makes amazing aesthetics of her surroundings and those “don’t forget I love you~ <3” posts with no less than a dozen emojis. A classy memer who has a special love for Thomas Sanders. She posts great but random shots. Nobody knows why. She’s never told her followers that they’re her selfies.

Shouji: weird animal blogger like of the cuttlefish and squid. He memes and barely looks at a blog before he follows them so he’s following seven thousand blogs and only unfollows when they’ve done or said something he just cannot agree with. He posts a lot about body positivity but never posted a selfie of himself. For some reason it’s not uncommon for his to post about hair even though he consistently says he would never do that to his own hair. Has a side blog dedicated to fandoms. Went through a really weird Homestuck phase but still in his Steven Universe phase.

Ojirou: martial arts blogger whose entire blog is overall a very nice and ordinary aesthetics blog about nature and inspiration posts with martial artist quotes under their pictures. Doesn’t really do anything with Tumblr except post his things, reblog a few posts and then ignores it for days before he’s suddenly active again. Has maybe a hundred followers.


Sero: master memer and shitposter. Is funny without being obnoxious and his puns are legitimately hilarious. Has thousands of followers but no one can find a reason to dislike him except to call him out on his sass. He claps back with only more sass. (Has a secret side blog for health food and minimalist life styling aesthetics. No one can ever know)

Just Like You — Jeon Jungkook (02)

Words: 2000+

Warnings: none :)

Description: How does it feel to be the sister of a k-pop idol?

{Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3}

~

After the concert, I spotted him backstage, drinking a bottle of water while talking to Jin.

I sneaked up behind him and put my finger on my lips, signalling for Jin to be quiet.

I kissed his cheek, smiling as he turned around and looked at me.

“Eww.” He says, wiping his cheek. “Oh, shut up. You know you love me.” I said.

Yoongi shrugged and put his bottle of water on the table.

“You did great up there. I’m proud of you.” I tell him.

“Thank you.”

“I enjoyed it. Seeing you cry was the highlight of my day.” I giggled, taking a seat besides Jin.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t crying.” He lies. “I was sweating.”

“Out of your eyeballs?” I asked.

“Shut it.” He groans as Hoseok walked up to us.

“Ah, Jae!” He exclaimed. “We’re going out for dinner. Want to come?” He asks.

“I’m not sure. You guys should go by yourselves and have fun.” I tell him. They just had a huge concert, they should go to dinner and celebrate together, without me.

“You don’t want to come?” My brother asks, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head. “Are you sure?” Hoseok asks. “It’ll be fun.”

“I have school tomorrow anyways. My parents probably want me home.” I tried to come up with an excuse.

I thought they would stop there, but they didn’t. “Jungkook has school tomorrow, and he’s coming with us.” Hoseok pointed out.

Jungkook and I went to the same high school. Although, he hasn’t been there in a while because of their tour. He usually does all of his school work on his computer.

Since today was the last concert of their tour, Jungkook was able to go back school tomorrow.

“I’ll ask mom and dad if you can come. They’ll say yes, trust me.” Yoongi says before disappearing to find our parents.

I guess I was going.

It’s not that I didn’t want to go, I just wanted them to have dinner together, as bros. I didn’t want to be the only girl around.

“It’s because you don’t want to be the only girl, no?” Jin asks me, as if he read my mind.

I simply looked at him and he knew my answer.

“It’s okay. We won’t act different around you. You should know that by now.” He smiles.

“You’re not gonna be the only girl. Jimin is gonna be there too.” Hoseok says, just as Jimin was walking past him.

Jimin laughed at the joke before hitting Hoseok.

We all laughed as Hoseok almost fell on the floor, being dramatic since Jimin only pushed him softly.

About ten minutes passed and Yoongi hadn’t come back, so I decided to go look for him.

I was on my way to his dressing room, looking down at my phone as I felt my body bump into someone else’s.

My heart almost leaped out of my chest as my phone fell out of my hand, and on to the floor.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” The boy says, apologizing as he picked up my phone.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I should’ve been paying more attention.” I tell him, taking my phone out of his hands. The screen was cracked, bad.  

My eyes widened as I looked at my phone. I knew my parents weren’t going to pay for another one.

“Your phone. I’m so sorry.” Jungkook apologised once again. He looked like he was panicking. “I can buy you a new one.” He says.

I shook my head, trying not to be bothered by the cracked screen. I pressed one of the buttons and it turned on. I swiped across the screen, and it worked.

Everything was working fine, the screen was just cracked.

“Really, I can buy you a new phone. It won’t be a problem.” Jungkook says, looking at me.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I say, putting my phone in my pocket. Why should he have to pay for a new phone? It wasn’t his fault. I wasn’t paying attention. It was my fault.

“Are you sure? I think I owe it to you. It’s not—” he started, but I stopped him. “I’m sure. I’ll see you later, okay?” I said before walking away.

Maybe I could ask Yoongi to buy me a new phone? Or not. I don’t want to seem needy.

I continued my walk to his dressing room. The door was cracked open and I heard voices.

I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but what can I say? I’m a nosy teenager.

“Why not?” I heard Yoongi ask. “She’s my sister. Why can't—” he kept talking, but was cut off by my mom speaking.

“Yoongi, we said no. That’s our final decision.” She says.

What were they talking about? And why did it involve me?

“But she’ll be fine. It’s not like I’m going to let her get in trouble or anything.” Yoongi tells our parents.

“She’s only in high school, Yoongi. Maybe we can talk about this after she graduates.” My dad says.

I stepped inside of the room, making my presence clear.

“Talk about what after I graduate?” I asked. They all looked at me. “Nothing.” My mom said. They were keeping something from me, but what?

“Really?” I ask. “It’s nothing, Jae-eun.” My dad says.

I simply nodded, not wanting to pry.

“Mom and dad said you can come to dinner with us.” Yoongi says, walking up to me. “Let’s go tell the other boys.” He says, grabbing my arm and walking me out of the room.

“Yoongi-ah,” I said as I stopped walking. He stopped walking and looked at me. He looked kind of mad.

“What were you talking about with mom and dad?” I ask.

“There’s no time to talk about that. We have to find the rest of the boys. They probably want to leave now.” He tells me, pulling my arm again.

“Yoongi.” I groaned, standing still.

“Why do you want to know so bad?” He asks, letting go of my arm. “Because it involves me.” I answered.

He rolled his eyes and started to walk away, not telling me. I groaned once again and followed behind him.

What could they have been talking about that they didn’t want me to know? Was it really that secretive that they couldn’t tell me?

I’m going to find out what it is.

•••

The restaurant was beautiful. They had chandeliers on the ceiling and pretty, chocolate brown tables with matching chairs.

I sat in between Yoongi and Jungkook. The boys talked and talked, and I was the only one being introverted.

They spoke about things that happened on tour, but I couldn’t relate because while they were on tour having fun, I spent almost all of my days in school.

The food hadn’t been served yet, probably because they ordered a lot. Seriously, it’s like they ordered the whole restaurant.

Man, these guys could eat.

I had my phone in my hands, running my fingers over the cracks, bored. It was harmless, at first. That was until I felt a piece of glass scrape my finger.

“Ouch.” I groaned, holding my index finger.

Everyone looked at me and my finger, that was bleeding.

“Jae! Are you okay?” Jimin asks, followed by most of the boys. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” I tell them.

Yoongi didn’t say anything, he just took a napkin and placed it against my finger.

“Thanks.” I thanked him, but he didn’t say anything. He just went back to the conversation he was having with Namjoon.

I sighed, holding the napkin to my finger. The cut wasn’t that big, so I was fine.

“I’m sorry, again.” I heard someone say. Jungkook. “This is my fault, isn’t it?” He asks. “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s okay?” I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

“I don’t think it’s okay. I broke your phone. If someone broke my phone, I’d probably make them pay for it.” He says. “I don’t want you to pay for it. Really, Jungkook. It’s fine.” I say.

He nodded and started talking again. “So how’s school without me?”

“Boring. All of the girls in our grade miss you.” I tell him.

“Do they?” He asked, not believing me.

The girls in our grade were all over Jungkook. Even some of the girls in lower grades like him. I understood, I mean, Jungkook is a handsome guy, and I could see why people love him.

The problem was that Jungkook was oblivious to the situation. He thought that all of the girls around him were just interested in being friends, which none of them were.

Out of all the girls at our school, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who sees and wants him as just a friend. Jungkook and I weren’t best friends, but we were good friends and we cared about each other.

With being “raised” by the boys, Jungkook and I grew up side by side. We met in 10th grade, when we first entered high school. Since he was put in a group with Yoongi, I spent a lot of time with him.

I nodded my head. “I can’t go a day without hearing, ‘when does Jungkook come back?’ Or ‘I miss Jungkook.’” I tell him.

Jungkook smiled. “The people love me.” That was true. Everyone loved Jungkook. What’s not to love about him? He’s definitely one of the top ten most popular kids in school.

I wasn’t one of the top ten, but I was probably around the top twenty. I wasn’t famous like Jungkook, I was just a people person, and everyone seemed to like me.

“Did you do the essay that due for history class tomorrow?” I asked him. I made sure to do my essay, so I could hand it in on time. Did I procrastinate? Sure I did, but I got it done, and that’s what matters.

He looked worried for a second, but then spoke. “Yeah. I did it last night. I remember.” He says.

“Did you study for the math test that we have to take on Tuesday?” I ask. Jungkook’s eyes widened. “We have a test?” He asks.

I nodded and he put his head in his hands. “I didn’t mean to stress you out. I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“It’s okay.” He says, looking at me. “Can you help me study tomorrow after school? I’ll buy you ice cream.”

“Deal.” I giggled.

•••

“Why are you home so late?” My dad asks me as Yoongi I walked through the front door.

“Because I went to dinner with the boys. You know this.” I say, taking off my shoes.

“We told Yoongi that you needed to be back in the house by 11.” My mom tells me. I looked at the clock to see that the time was 2 a.m.

I looked at Yoongi and he didn’t say anything.

Why wouldn’t he tell me? Did he want me to get in trouble?

“He didn’t tell me.” I said.

“Don’t make up excuses, Jae. You and your brother are always doing something to make us angry.” Dad says.

“It’s not my fault. I didn’t know that I had to be home by 11. Yoongi didn’t tell me anything.” I groaned, looking at Yoongi and hoping that he’d stand up for me.

But he didn’t.

“Are you really not going to say anything?” I asked my brother.

He didn’t even look at me. He looked at our mother, who was yelling at me.

“You know that you have to be up by 5 for school. Now you’re only going to have 3 hours of sleep. If I get any call that you fell asleep in class, you’re going to be in big trouble.” She says.

I rolled my eyes at Yoongi, but my mom took it the wrong way.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” She asks.

“No. I—”

“You’re grounded. Don’t go anywhere after school tomorrow. Come straight home.” She said.

My eyes widened. “What? Mom! I can’t be grounded.” I groaned. “I have to go to the library to help Jungkook study tomorrow.”

“You can study here.” She says.

“What’s the point in grounding me anyways?” I ask. “I don’t even go anywhere. Where am I gonna go? To bed?”

“Are you talking back?” She asks.

I didn’t say anything, I just looked at Yoongi, giving him another chance to say something.

“Jae, go upstairs. We have to talk to your brother.” My father says.

“But I—”

“Just go upstairs!” He yells.

I groaned before stomping up the steps to my room.

I closed and locked my door before laying down on my bed.

Yoongi didn’t tell me that I needed to be home at a certain time, why? Did he want our parents to yell at me?

He’s been cold to me ever since earlier when I asked him was they were talking about. Maybe he wanted me to get in trouble on purpose.

Why were my parents mad at me anyways? They should be mad at Yoongi, and only Yoongi.

I don’t deserve to be grounded. I didn’t do anything wrong.

Next time I see Yoongi, he’s going to regret not defending me.

Part 3? Let me know here :)

anonymous asked:

How would the paladins react if they somehow found out that their crush was planning on confessing to them? Maybe one of the other team members tips them off about it or something~ I can't help but think that the whole crew (save for like Shiro & Keith maybe) wouldn't be able to keep a crush-related secret if their life depended on it lmao. Allura, Coran & Hunk would be way too giddy to keep it to themselves, Pidge would let it slip accidentally & Lance just will not keep his mouth shut ever

Hunk: Hunk would feel like any other Paladin is just messing with him unless it’s Shiro, who he knows wouldn’t kid around with something like that. He lives off the euphoria and confidence of knowing you like him back to the point when you actually confess to him, he basically flatlines because he forgot through all of his daydreams that none of it had actually happened yet (reality was much better than daydreams.

Keith: Keith would be puzzled at why he was being told you had a crush on him, and would have no idea how to react to the information he was just given. He would only trust Shiro to give him that type of intel, and if Shiro confirms that he thinks you like Keith, Keith would become even more confused. When he goes to say something to you (being straight-forward as ever) he stops when he wonders if Shiro was just teasing him or being sarcastic, and gets even more confused on what he should do.

Lance: Lance would immediately share the information with Hunk, so they can discuss (yell about it) in private. Lance’s confidence level would sore beyond it’s already high level when he was around you and he’d be absolutely shameless because he already knows you like him; he might as well milk it until you confess! He likes to pull the suave move of “You know you can tell me anything, right?” with a flirtatious wink. 

Pidge: Having knowledge of such sensitive information makes Pidge nervous, and her worst fears come true when she’s rambling in the way she always does and just lets it slide out while talking to you. “-I mean we’er all probably stressed out, what with all the universe stuff but on top of it I have to worry about how Allura told me you were going to confess to me and..” even though in the end she’s still more embarrassed than you are. 

Shiro: Shiro would act like he doesn’t have a crush on you when the person tells him, even though he’s one of the most obvious people in the world when it comes to having a crush. He tries to keep his normal attitude around you, sticking to being nonchalant but also coincidentally showing up around you more often; he gets restless and fidgety if he’s been around you for more than thirty seconds and you haven’t confessed yet. 

Allura: Allura tries to brush off the implications that someone has a crush on her, even if she had noticed you seemed to act differently around her lately. She knows there’s hardly any time for romance in such dangerous times but she can’t help but think about how nice it would be to have something to confide in and just be completely relaxed around. She decides not to act until you do, and figure out the situation from there. 

Coran: Coran is quite surprised when he’s told by Allura that you may have some feelings for him, and has to think about what he should do in the situation. Being rather traditional, he’d prefer he be the one to confess first, and thus would avoid you consistently in fear you’d confess to him before he got a chance to come up with some good, romantic lines to sweep you off your feet with. 

daylightspeaks  asked:

Bughead prompt: A little sweet he can't resist, often leads to being kissed! - Veronica Lodge

I had to go and look up where this quote was from! Fudge to give him the final nudge, ay Ronnie? I was gonna make this cute and fluffy but then oops angst happened! Enjoy my loves.

(I wrote this on the notes section of my phone, and am currently sitting on a wall to get wifi, the things I do for you lot, huh? ❤)

_____________________________________

“Hey, B!” Veronica beamed, strutting down the hallway towards her friend. Betty looked upwards in acknowledgement, the small smile she offered grim at best, not even close to reaching her eyes. “What’s wrong?” Veronica asked, tone switching to concern instantly. Betty began to shake her head, unusually askew ponytail swaying as she looked down dejectedly, fingers playing with the frayed edge of her sweater sleeve.

“It… it’s nothing,” Betty murmured, refusing to meet Veronica’s steady gaze.

“Come on, B, I know you. And I definitely know when something is up? Tell me, maybe I can help,” Veronica coaxed, resting a reassuring hand on her arm. Betty bit her bottom lip as it began to quiver, blinking quickly in an attempt to dissipate the tears gathering along her waterline.

“Jughead and I had a fight,” she got out with a shaky inhale. “Our first fight.” Veronica’s eyes hardened at the pain she saw settling on Betty’s face.

“What did Edgar Allen Poe do?” she all but demanded, shoulders moving back as she prepared for some classic Lodge confrontation. The colour drained from Betty’s face.

“No, it was my fault,” she whispered, Veronica having to lean forward slightly in order to catch the words. She blinked in surprise. The idea of Riverdale’s very own Perfect Polly (and yes, she was aware of the irony) doing anything to anger someone - let alone the boy that fawned over her like she hung the stars - was unimaginable.

“Oh… what happened?” she asked, too curious to be sorry about prying. Betty sighed, shoulders curling forward in defeat.

“It’s stupid, I don’t even know why…” she cried, hands gesturing futilely. “He just caught me at a really bad moment, Mom is still a wreck about Polly, and I had an awful headache and he wouldn’t stop talking about how we weren’t getting anywhere with the investigation anymore and I snapped!” Her breathing hitched as she closed her eyes against the memory of her outburst. “I said that maybe…” she paused, shaking her head, unable to repeat her words. “I implied there were more important things than our investigating and his novel, in more unkind words,” she whispered, voice cracking as the tears finally started to spill over. Veronica grimaced, unable to stop herself from picturing the way Jughead’s face would have fallen at his girlfriend’s outburst. Betty swiped furiously at her face. “You should have seen him, V, he looked so sad but he just nodded and left. I-I didn’t mean it, I wanted to take it all back straight away but he…” she had to pause to catch her stuttering breath.

Veronica’s heart ached for the crestfallen girl before her. Sure, she’d been surprised when she’d first learned of their secret tryst, but she couldn’t deny the good they had done for each other. Betty had a glow that radiated from her very core, lighting her up even on her darkest days. And she’d never seen Jughead so… comfortable, like he finally felt at home in his skin, like he wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop. And Betty had gone and knocked over the whole damn display rack just because of the wrong thing said at the wrong time. Veronica ran her eyes over Betty one last time, mouth dropping open slightly as the pieces fell into place.

“You love him.” It wasn’t a question. Betty’s eyes snapped up to meet her own, shining with fresh tears, but their depth of verdant green crystal clear. Betty sniffed, running her sleeve under her nose.

“Yeah,” she said, voice cracking, as if it were the simplest statement in the world. “And now he won’t even look at me.” They stood, face to face in the hall a while longer before Veronica straightened up, chin lifting into the air slightly.

“Well, if my girl is in trouble then it is my duty as designated best friend to help her out,” Veronica announced, hoping to pull a giggle from Betty’s downturned lips. The reluctant smirk she offered was good enough. “Every woman knows that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and given that I suspect Jughead is secretly harbouring at least three stomachs this should be an easy feat,” she quipped, eyes sparkling mischievously. Betty couldn’t hold back her laugh, breath stuttering still on her inhale. Veronica’s eyes softened. “I know it’s hard, but I can say without a doubt that the frustrating enigma that is Jughead Jones the Third is head over heels in love with you too,” she said, tipping Betty’s downturned face up with a delicate finger under her chin.

“You think?” The hope in Betty’s voice was enough to melt the iciest of hearts. Veronica nodded firmly.

“I know.” The creases in Betty’s forehead smoothed out slightly as Veronica linked her arm through hers. “Come on, Julia Child, we’ve got work to do.”

***

When she tried to leave her spot next to Betty on the worn out couch in the Blue and Gold office she’d yelped in surprise as tight finders dug into her forearm, keeping her firmly in place. She raised a sharply arched questioning eyebrow.

“I need you here, in case…” Betty trailed off, unable to bring herself to think of the alternative. Veronica nodded in understanding, resting a reassuring hand over the one still tightly clinging to her arm.

Jughead was cautious as he stepped over the threshold, into the office he considered a second home. Betty’s heart stopped before picking up again in double time. She stood up on shaky legs, nervousness coursing through her veins. Veronica took a moment to look closely at Jughead’s face, the faintest traces of red rimmed his suspicious eyes as they flicked around the room, determined not to meet Betty’s head on.

“Hi, Juggie,” her barely audible voice still rung out loud and clear across the stiflingly still air in the room.

“Hey, Betts.” His voice was thick and gravelly with unshed emotion. His eyes finally landed on the box on his desk, gaudy and bright, tied with an elaborate bow that Veronica insisted had to be the look they went for. “What’s that?” he asked cautiously. Betty’s had came up to run through her ponytail, an action of comfort.

“They’re… I made you brownies,” she shrugged, the gesture seeming silly now that he was standing in front of her. How could sugar and chocolate possible make up for the hurt she caused? Her heart stuttered at the disbelieving chuckle he let out, eyes beginning to glow with classic Jughead mirth once more. Betty felt her confidence grow. “I’m so sorry, Juggie, I didn’t mean any of the things I-” she stopped, feeling her words start to pour forth wildly. She pointed to the delicately folded paper tucked under the ribbon. “I wrote everything down just in case,” she mumbled bashfully. His heart swelled at her gesture.

Veronica watched with apprehension as Jughead gingerly picked up the note and began to read. Betty hadn’t let her read what she had written, placing her hand over the page as her cheeks dusted with pink. Veronica smiled sheepishly at her nosiness, lifting her hands in apology as she left Betty to her declarations. Jughead’s breath hitched audibly as his eyes fervorously scanned the words written in Betty’s sloping hand. He looked up at her suddenly, eyes wide and gleaming.

“Really?” he asked, tone wistful. Betty nodded, smiling through quivering lips.

“Yes, I love you,” her words were just a breath as he reached for her, cupping her cheeks with shaking hands and pressing his lips to hers with an undeniable fire. Her hands fisted in the soft fabric of his sweater. He pulled back to rest his forehead against hers, heart pounding under her palms.

“I love you, Betty.” Veronica smiled in satisfaction as she slipped out behind them unnoticed as they remained wrapped around each other.

***

“Betts, these are the best brownies I’ve ever tasted. Seriously,” Jughead mumbled around a mouth full of cake from across the booth at Pop’s, crumbs falling from his lips. Veronica scrunched her nose up in disgust at his lack of table manners, turning to look at her best friend, expecting to see Betty’s face mirroring her own. But instead she was greeted with that glow, the one she’d been missing for those few dreary hours they were apart. Betty giggled shyly, reaching up to wipe away some of the mess on his face before pressing a tender peck against the corner of his mouth while he smiled at her with that expression he saved for her eyes only.

Betty glanced over at her best friend over the tabletop, mouthing a ‘thank you’ when she caught her eyes. Veronica nodded in acknowledgment. She hadn’t experienced much love in her lifetime yet, but she knew that the story unfolding across from here would be one for the ages.

At my wedding
  • Priest: You have both prepared your own vows.
  • Spouse: I promise to honor, protect, and love you. I am yours, for the rest of my days.
  • Me: *ahem* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. I'm you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
#114 - For anonymous x2

Filling the prompts “one where the reader and van broke up around 6/12 months ago and the reader is in a relationship with someone else but it isn’t going very well and the reader and her new bf go to see catfish in a gig and van sings red and she realises it’s about her.” and “one where like you drunk text van like a couple months after you’ve broken up or something and like he comes pick you up and you tell him that you miss him and stuff like that and its cute??”


Watching Catfish and the Bottlemen become more and more successful was a double edged sword. It was all Van ever dreamed of, and God, did the boy fucking deserve it. He had grafted since he was a kid, and you knew that. You knew he wanted to buy houses for his family and make people all across the world lose themselves in the songs he’d been writing his whole life. There was never a moment where you wished they didn’t get so famous. It wasn’t like that. But, what it was like was standing between the two blades on a pair of scissors. One handle was Catfish’s success, and the other was Van. The closer he got to it, to the dream, the closer you were to being all cut up and hurt and left behind. He never, ever meant it to be like that, but it happened.

Van would be on the road more and more. In the short few weeks he’d be back in your bed, he was distracted by to-be-written lyrics and predictions for how audiences in countries he’d never been to would behave. All the other things you’d talked about as ratty teenagers faded into the background. There wasn’t a shared dream and that alone was enough to push you out into the arms of your friends and other people. Van didn’t know about your friendship with Riley, nor did he know that it was probably more than a friendship. You weren’t a cheater, but it still felt deceptive, all the time you spent with Riley. When the guilt was too much, you told Van it was better for you both to go your separate ways.

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anonymous asked:

How would Bokuto react if he hears his crush say that they can't believe someone would be interested in them like, "me? who would like someone like me?"

I’m getting into the conclusion that Bokuto might be one of my favorite characters to write about. I don’t know why, but I just shamlessly enjoy writting about him.

I think you asked for a formal text describing only his reaction, but I read this and the idea just popped in my head… and I wrote a whole big ass scenario.

Sorry ?

I was between angst, and fluff, and I decided an unexpected-fluff would do. 

So get ready for some Bokuto fluff.

——

February 14th, better known as Valentine’s Day, one of the most overrated seasonal celebrations known to man. It was such a scam that it didn’t even count as a holiday. You still had to go to school, and go to work.

And despite all of that, Bokuto had become another victim. Cupid had him good. The mythical creature had got its arrow right through his heart. 

He had his own way of doing things. He didn’t do anything halfway. Whenever he did anything, he went all the way. And if he was going to do something romantic, he was going to be the greatest knight with the shiniest armor in the entire kingdom.

That was what made Valentine’s Day the perfect occasion for him to finally give a big hint of his feelings. He had bought an ostentatious bouquet of red roses, and had put a little note with her name, and his signature so she could know who was the bold gentleman behind such gesture.

He was going to arrive earlier than usual to school. He didn’t want anyone to see him with the bouquet. He wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted to make everyone wonder about the flowers. He wanted to make the girls wish someone would do something like that for them. He wanted the boys to wish they had come up with the idea.

Then, she would arrive, all eyes on her as she entered the room. He would witness her face as she realized what was placed upon her desk. Whispers everywhere. She would take the note, and with that voice he had grown fond of she would say his name.

That was the plan in his head, but as he putted the flowers on her desk he felt nauseous, and a wave of shivers took over him. All of a sudden he didn’t feel as confident as he did ten minutes ago. He had never thought of the most important factor of it all.

What if she rejected him?

Suffering of what felt like a panic attack, he took the note and ripped the part where his signature was, and got out of the classroom as fast as his long legs let him.

He waited defeated for a whole hour before heading back to his classroom, and putted on his best poker face. Just as he had imagined, everyone was talking about the mysterious bouquet. He went straight to his seat, and didn’t look back at it. He fixed his eyes on the board ready to leave them there for the rest of the day.

But yet again his plan was ruined by no one else than himself. Someone stood by his side, and a soft voice whispered.

“But what the…”

He lifted his head finding the reason and cause of his current problems. Her face showed nothing but bewilderment. And even with an unpleasant expression, she looked lovely to him.

She walked to her desk, and his heart drummed harder, and harder against his chest with every step she took towards his present.

She inspected the flowers while her expression stayed the same. No smiles, no gasps, only confusion.

“Looks like someone is really into you,” said one of the girls in the class that Bokuto recognized as her friend.

“I’m not even sure they’re for me,” she said. “It must be a mistake.”

“Oh, no mistake. They’re for you. I look into the note attached to it,” said the friend. She only shook her head looking at the note herself. “It seems you have a secret admirer.”

Bokuto had sworn he would keep his gaze straight forward avoiding the mess he had made, but as soon as she had appeared in front of him he felt hypnotized, and his eyes suddenly had their own will and demanded the sight of her.

She slightly frowned. “This is ridiculous.”


“Why? It is cute.”

“Yeah, the flowers are extremely cute. What I mean is that it’s ridiculous someone likes me enough to do this,” she said. If she already had Bokuto’s eyes trapped on her, now his ears were all hers, too.

“Come on, don’t put yourself down like that.”

“Seriously, me? Who would like someone like me?” she bitterly said.

His heart went from beating hard and fast to a sudden stop. Hadn’t she noticed the longing looks he gave to her, and only her? Hadn’t she noticed how much he smiled whenever she said a simple ‘good morning’ to him? Wasn’t she aware that right in that moment he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her? He was in shock. If she was so unlikable, then why was he so head-over-heels for her?

“They even ripped their name from the note,” she continued. “Whoever bought me the flowers regret it instantly.”

The abrupt and loud noise of a desk crashing agasint the floor echoed in the room making everyone jolt in their places.

“That’s not it!” Bokuto blurted. He had stood up so quickly, he had knocked off his desk. She looked at him completely surprised. “The note is ripped because I got too nervous because I really like you!” He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t just stay there letting her think she wasn’t as magnificent as she was to him.

Her eyes opened wide, and her jaw slowly dropped as a group of gasps filled the room. In matter of seconds both of them registered that he had just confessed to her. Their cheeks tinted crimson red.

“Everyone go sit right now,” said the teacher as she entered the room. Every student quickly moved, but them. Their eyes were locked together. The friend pulled her skirt taking her back to the real world. She picked the flowers with such carefulness Bokuto could feel it as well by only looking. She sitted down. She was still blushing.

“Bokuto-kun, please put the desk in its place, and sit down,” the teacher insisted when she saw he was not moving. He nodded, and with not much effort picked up the desk.

He was still restless. He couldn’t believe he had confessed in such a hurry, and in such a lame way. He felt a couple of taps on his shoulder, and discreetly turned his head. The classmate behind him offered him a small folded paper. He quickly took it, and guarded him between his hands so the teacher wouldn’t see it.

He unfolded it.

‘Let’s talk at lunch time,’ the note said with her name written down the little sentence along a smiley face.

His hands started shaking, and the corners of his mouth widened in what could be the biggest smile he had eve projected. He was no longer on earth. He had gone to space, and was now floating with other celestial bodies.

——

Thanks for the request! I hope you liked it!

Moramortia: Chapter 1

143k words total, 20 chapters

Summary:

Scorpius isn’t on the Hogwarts Express at the start of seventh year, and Albus discovers that he’s become very ill over the summer. Determined to find out what’s wrong with him and how to make him better, Albus starts doing some research, and discovers Moramortia, a fatal illness with just one cure. Together, Albus and Scorpius (with some help from Rose) set out on an adventure to find the ingredients to make the potion that will hopefully save Scorpius’s life…

This fic has been just over a year in the making, and I can’t believe it’s finally done. Thank you to everyone who’s helped along the way, including those who have had to suffer through all the angsty snippets that I couldn’t help but share. Special thanks go to my amazing beta, @abradystrix – Bathilda believed in us, and we got here in the end!

Read it on AO3 / Pick a chapter

*


The Beginning

Find what you love and let it kill you.

Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.

Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.

For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.

-Charles Bukowski

*

Scorpius isn’t on the Hogwarts Express at the start of seventh year. This would be alarming in itself, but coupled with the fact that Albus has heard nothing from him in weeks, it’s downright terrifying. 

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anonymous asked:

Do you know any gods or goddesses who are alright with few offerings? I'm a minor so I can't have an altar or do daily offerings, but I'm anxious to be called towards a god or goddess but find out that they require a lot of offerings... help?

Intro: Redefining What’s Possible

Hello, Anon! <3 First of all, I have some good news for you. If you aim to practice as a solitary pagan outside any rigid traditions, you will find that many a god(dess) is perfectly content to receive offerings with no frills. Your sincerity and intent is what really counts, so take a deep breath and prepare to redefine your understanding of what an offering “should be.”

Second, before we get into a list of examples and ideas, it is important to note that quality beats quantity when it comes to offerings and devotion in general. I know the ideal is to have both, but let’s face it, that’s just not possible sometimes. So, that begs the question, what can you do to hide in plain sight and keep within a budget that won’t raise any eyebrows?

The answer to that is there is a lot you can do. I promise, once you refuse to limit yourself to rigid, elitist standards of what counts as a worthy offering, you are going to have a whole world of possibility open up to you. Not only that, but you’ll find it isn’t half as difficult to find the time or energy for offerings when you’ve integrated devotion with your “everyday rituals.” Let me show you!

How to Hide in Plain Sight: Everyday Offerings

For the creative and expressive spirits:

GENERAL. Ask your deity to function as your muse! Whatever your medium of creativity and/or self-expression, request inspiration in exchange for art, music, writing (etc) created in their honor. Read on for specific examples/ideas.

MUSIC. If you play an instrument, try composing songs for your deity or dedicating your practice time to them. Just like to sing in the shower? That’s fine! Sing for your deity or sing songs that remind you of them.

DANCE. Alright, so maybe you’re self-conscious. Maybe you’re not a graceful dancer. I get that. But next time you’re home alone, try shutting the blinds and blasting the music. Just be free. Move your body as best you can and offer up your energy, your ecstasy, your passion as an offering.

PHOTOGRAPHY. Start a photo project! Maybe you want to photograph things that are sacred to your deity. Maybe you want to get really creative and dress up your friends to have them reenact scenes from your deity’s myth. But wait a minute, have you considered dedicating selfies to your deity? Yes, I’m serious, and I’m looking right at those of you who could use a little boost in the “self-love” department. Don’t be afraid to dedicate a photo journey in self-appreciation to your deity. It’s alright if you never share a single photo with the world. Just keep at it.

MAKE-UP/FASHION. Speaking of self-love, have you considered your make-up and fashion habits as offerings to your deity? Play around with it while you’re home alone, if you’re shy. No need to rush out of your shell. On the other hand, if you’re already feeling pretty confident, you might want to start dedicating your make-up and fashion choices to your deity.

WRITING. Write about your deity! You don’t have to be obvious about it. Give them a “secret identity” and write a story about that character. Want to write poetry? Do it! Again, you don’t have to be obvious about it. I promise you, your deities appreciate more than formal hymns. Write about them like you would a crush from afar. That is, all the passion without a whisper of a name. And hey, who says you have to be a creative writer? If you like to journal or blog, dedicate that daily or weekly practice to your deity.

ARTS/CRAFTS. Draw your deity or craft things dedicated to/associated with them. They won’t be critiquing your skill level, so don’t let that stop you! Think about that look of pride in a parent’s eye when their two year old runs up to them with a crayon drawing of the whole family and the dog. Think about how that drawing ends up on the fridge like a masterpiece in a gallery. Just think about that. And what about that macaroni art project from school? The one that’s allegedly an ornament, so it gets hung on the tree with a huge smile because, hey, it’s the thought that counts. Don’t approach your work with an attitude of “this isn’t good enough,” just do your best by your deity.

THEATRE. Whether you’re on Broadway or performing at a school play, this is another potential part of your life you can easily dedicate to your deity! Offer up the energy and passion you put in your practice time and performance. Don’t be afraid to petition them for inspiration and motivation if you’re feeling anxious or uncertain, either. As always, do your best. That’s enough.

For the busy and low-energy folks:

GENERAL. There are plenty of responsibilities in your day to day life that you won’t be escaping any time soon. So, maybe you’re really busy and struggling to find the time for offerings? Or maybe you’re just so tired all the time that you struggle to fit spirituality into your life the way you fantasize about? It may be time to start thinking about how to make the mundane into an offering!

TEA/COFFEE. Do you have a hot drink to get you going in the morning? Chances are you set it down to cool before you take the first sip. Take a few moments to invite your deity to share in the energy of that drink with you. Adding milk or sugar? Offer a share of that to them, too, and then dwell on it as you stir the additions in. 

COOKING/MEALS. Invite your deity to share in your meals with you. If you are able, try cooking a meal in their honor using ingredients you associate with them (for example, you might want to acquire venison for Artemis or pomegranates for Persephone). Hosting a dinner party? Dedicate the preparations to your deity and ask for them to be present in spirit or even to bless the gathering (especially if your deity is associated with home and hearth). On a diet? Reach out to your deity to help you abstain from what you cannot/do not want to eat, and dedicate the energy of your resistance to them.

BLOGGING. Literally what I am doing right now is an offering. I am not doing this “just to be nice.” This is an offering. I am putting my time and energy into writing out extensive advice that, ideally, will benefit the gods I am devoted to. But it doesn’t stop there! Do you like to relax on Tumblr after work? Great! Your blog is full of potential for virtual offerings. Start using those tags! You don’t have to create a separate e-shrine. Next time you see a photo or text post and think, “Hey, that reminds me of my deity,” reblog it with that in mind and slap a tag “for X” on there.

CHORES/EXERCISE. The stuff many of us love to hate! Well, guess what? There’s offering potential here. Dedicate your routine cleaning and decluttering to your deity. Think of your home as their temple, if it helps. Make it a more pleasant place to be for both of you! As for exercise, try committing to a basic routine every morning and dedicate it to your deity. Instead of focusing on your muscles straining, use the time to meditate on your deity. Going to the gym regularly? Same deal. If you need a little extra kick, don’t be afraid to ask them to hold you to your word and be that aggressive life coach you secretly need.

MEDS/HEALTH. If you take medicine everyday, dedicate that act to your deity. Why, you ask? Well, you can’t very well devote yourself to the best of your ability if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Honestly, if you don’t think that your deity cares about your health, you may need to reconsider that relationship. Whatever it is you do to keep yourself healthy, it’s sacred. Don’t think of it as unworthy offering because it isn’t in the eyes of a deity who cares about you.

WORKPLACE. Whether you love or hate your job, there is potential for offerings there. Let’s assume you love it first. Think of how you might dedicate the time and energy you put into your work everyday to your deity. Need a reminder to do so? Think of something associated with them and get a representation of it for your desk (if you have one). Worship Athena? Great! Get yourself an owl statue and set it next to the computer, for example. Okay, but what if you hate your job? Similar deal. Offer up your strength of mind and spirit as you struggle through every day like a warrior. Give them your tears. Give them your frustration. Entrust them with your hope for a new opportunity.

For the energetic and adventurous folks:

GENERAL. Hyper? Bored? Love new experiences? Well, what’s something really wild you want to do? What’s something you’ve been seeking motivation to get out and try? There’s an opportunity for an offering to your deity right in front of your nose with these kinds of desires, so seize the moment!

VOLUNTEERING. Whether you’re volunteering at the animal shelter or serving in a soup kitchen, there is definitely something to be said about offering these acts of service to your deity. Bonus points if you can find an organization that aligns with your deity’s interests, but don’t limit yourself to that! There are many deities who would take great pleasure in a selfless offering like this one.

MARATHONS. For those who want to go above and beyond the average person’s exercise routine, marathon running is a great example of something “extra” you could do as an offering to a deity. Whether you’re running for a cause or just for pleasure, there is plenty opportunity to offer up the time and energy you put in to your deity.

TRAVEL. Want to go somewhere? Dedicate your travel savings to your deity. If you wish, have them hold you accountable for being responsible enough not to dip into the savings on a whim. Already got a trip planned and funded? Dedicate the experience to your deity, whether it be through visiting a landmark sacred to your deity (directly or indirectly), putting time into learning a new language, culture, and history, or simply planning out a photo journalism project.

A Final Tip: The “Invisible Altar”

Now then, I could expand the list above forever, but I think by now, you should have a pretty solid idea of how to create something sacred and worthy of offering out of mundane pieces of your everyday life. So, that leaves us with just one very common problem to discuss: “How can I have an altar hidden in plain sight?” Good news! It’s actually remarkably simple.

First, you’re going to want to research into your deity’s sacred animals and symbols. Keep in mind that it’s perfectly acceptable to associate them with things that aren’t mentioned in the books. For example, I personally associate Loki with hares and rabbits. It’s not common. That’s just my UPG. Guess what adorns my altar in his honor? That’s right. Little bunny rabbit statues. As far as anyone out of the loop knows, I just really love bunnies. To give you another example, I also worship Cernunnos. I trust it will come as no surprise if I tell you that there is a ton of deer-related imagery on my altars.

Second, thrift and dollar stores are your new best friend. There’s really no need to break the bank to have a pretty and discreet altar. Here’s a few ideas for things you could pick up that have low-key altar potential: candle holders, old books, nice little boxes, photo frames, colorful bottles, snow globes, clocks, figurines, wind chimes, bells, vases, etc.

Third, forgo any explicitly religious imagery/symbolism. Yes, I know it can be tempting to have that altar. The one with the $200 deity statues, maybe a giant pentacle, or whatever else it might be that has you thinking nervously “maybe they won’t notice.” Word of advice? Don’t do it. Don’t take that chance if you’re honestly worried about someone calling you out on having an altar. I promise, you will learn to love what you’re able to work with.

Fourth, scatter your altar pieces to draw less attention. Maybe you’re a known history buff so you can get away with having that Anubis statue, but think twice before you put that figure on a shelf surrounded by candles and incense. Your best bet is to space things out. So, put that skull for Hades and that goat for Thor on two different levels of your bookshelf. Hang up that “Birth of Venus” print, but don’t put seashells and candles in front of it. Get the idea?

That’s about all I have the energy to write for the moment, but I hope that helps! Good luck on your path, Anon, and everyone else who find themselves practicing in the shadows. Don’t think for a moment you can’t have a rich spiritual experience and an excellent relationship with your deities just because you have to keep it all quiet. <3

one song, many meanings

so, in light of a plethora of posts about rey’s spotify playlist, i decided to do some song hunting of my own, and boy howdy did i find some interesting shit. i don’t know if there’s been an “analysis” so to say about Compass by Zella Day, but you better believe i’m about to go in depth on this. buckle up, buttercups, because i’m about to blow your reylo minds.

i really wanted just to pick out little bits from the song that seemed very reylo, but the WHOLE FUCKING THING SHOUTS, EXUDES REYLO. so first, i’ll put the whole thing here and then analyze/point out some awesome things:

“We can build a tree house in the pine trees
We can keep our secrets buried underneath
Wildflowers crash between your fingers
Clinging to the wild things that raised us

Compass points you home,
Calling out from the east
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
If we make it out alive from the depths of the sea
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between

Take me to the garden of your ecstasy
Make myself a headband from your fallen leaves
Woven in the fabric of your tapestry
Cover me in honeysuckle memories

Compass points you home,
Calling out from the east
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
If we make it out alive from the depths of the sea
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between

I will take the pieces, put them back together
Even when the grass isn’t green enough
Taking all the branches, build ourselves a mansion
Love you in the way that you needed love

Where you are, I will be
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between”


ALRIGHT, MY BABIES. IT’S TIME TO BE MIND. BLOWN.

first things first, i’ll cover the chorus:

“Compass points you home,
Calling out from the east
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
If we make it out alive from the depths of the sea
Compass points you anywhere
Closer to me
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between”

BITCH. THIS SHIT SCREAMS REYLO. the star wars franchise/lucasfilm is not slick. some of you may have seen my post on the disney store marketing rey & kylo next to each other (also, the whole establishing a hero/villain relationship thing in marketing could be argued for this, but my tiny brain comprehends this as “REYLO”), but now they’re #exposing themselves through rey’s playlist. (an analysis for kylo/ben’s coming soon)

“compass points you anywhere, closer to me”: this part reminds me of this post. they’re turning towards each other, getting closer to each other, both physically and emotionally.

“where you are, i will be, anywhere, in between/miles high, in the deep.”:  from the time they meet on takodana to their final scene together on starkiller base, they are either fighting each other, breathing heavily together, trying to find the other, or witnessing the other do something to/with someone else. i also interpret this line as a hint to their newly formed force bond (”anywhere” “miles high, in the deep”).

“if we make it out alive from the depths of the sea”: this might be a little bit of a stretch—hell, it is a stretch, but i’m not afraid to make it. all i have to say is: the depths of their tumultuous minds, along with their tragic pasts they so often dwell on. also, it reminded me of this: 

Originally posted by kylotrash

“at night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean.”


next is verse one:

“We can build a tree house in the pine trees
We can keep our secrets buried underneath
Wildflowers crash between your fingers
Clinging to the wild things that raised us”

“we can keep our secrets buried”: either it’s a case of skinny love or this line is talking about the interrogation scene when rey waltzes her ass into kylo/ben’s mind and they both had some hearty secrets revealed. god, i just love an honest, open romance.

“wildflowers crash between your fingers”: it’s supposed to be deep and personal, but i just see:

Originally posted by jeanifurr

however, i do also like to think of the wildflowers as rey’s mind, and i think of kylo’s gloved hand reaching out as the edge of her mind crashes against his fingertips.

“clinging to the wild things that raised us”: in rey’s case, i interpret this as her insistence on returning to jakku with the hope of her family finding her, and as it is on rey’s playlist, that’s probably what it’s supposed to mean. but looking at it from of ben/kylo’s pov, this refers to his parents, who really weren’t fit for parenting and lived their lives separate from his, and he clung to them until he realized how they neglected him. as a third perspective, i find that it makes sense to think about it in terms of the Force, which is so strong within the both of them, and which they (at least ben for sure) clung to for comfort since childhood. soon they/ll be clinging to each other , but,, tha’ts not importan,t right nnow…

here comes verse two:

“Take me to the garden of your ecstasy
Make myself a headband from your fallen leaves
Woven in the fabric of your tapestry
Cover me in honeysuckle memories”

“take me to the garden of your ecstasy”: the…garden. a garden,, the garden of your,,,..ecstasy..? the ecstasy garden. it’s either the SmutHut in disguise or they’re trying to figure out each other’s happy place, which could very well be inside of the smuthut. “good luck figuring out which one it is!” shouts the creator of rey’s spotify playlist. fuckin jerkface.

“make myself a headband from your fallen leaves”: this is a really sweet line & i love it because it gives me this image of rey sitting beside an emotional, confessing ben as he begs to be forgiven and panics about the first order, and her gently putting her hand atop his, brushing the hair out of his eyes and wiping a stray tear from his cheek before whispering tearfully yet reassuringly, “your mess is mine.” are you crying too?

IF YOU HAVEN’T CAUGHT A WHIFF OF THAT SWEET REYLO PERFUME THAT WEEPS FROM COMPASS, YOU WILL SOON.

finally, my loves, is my favorite part of the song: the final verse.

“I will take the pieces, put them back together
Even when the grass isn’t green enough
Taking all the branches, build ourselves a mansion
Love you in the way that you needed love”

“i will take the pieces, put them back together, even when the grass isn’t green enough”: she’ll be the one to mend his broken heart, even in the darkest of times. *yells*

“love you in the way that you needed love”: this man needs to feel loved. he is a victim of abuse, manipulation, and child grooming. he is hurting, badly. he needs her. and just as much as he needs her, she needs him. she needs to feel the glories of love. she needs to know that she is not alone in the universe. they need each other.

in conclusion: reylo is beautiful and illustrious and it is most importantly a story of redemption as much as it is a story of love.

i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did.

Originally posted by cryingtears-of-gold

and yes, i know that you probably could have figured this out on your own, but whatevs, dude. if you want more, do tell me because it’s fun to do. if you don’t then idk what to tell you man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


feel free to add on your thoughts! <3

According to all known laws
of aviation,

  
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

  
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

  
The bee, of course, flies anyway

  
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

  
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

  
Barry! Breakfast is ready!

  
Ooming!

  
Hang on a second.

  
Hello?

  
- Barry?
- Adam?

  
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

  
Looking sharp.

  
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

  
Sorry. I'm excited.

  
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

  
A perfect report card, all B's.

  
Very proud.

  
Ma! I got a thing going here.

  
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

  
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

  
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

  
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

  
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

  
Never thought I'd make it.

  
Three days grade school,
three days high school.

  
Those were awkward.

  
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

  
You did come back different.

  
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

  
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

  
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

  
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

  
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

  
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

  
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

  
That's why we don't need vacations.

  
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.

  
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

  
- Bee-men.
- Amen!

  
Hallelujah!

  
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

  
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

  
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...

  
...9:15.

  
That concludes our ceremonies.

  
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

  
Will we pick ourjob today?

  
I heard it's just orientation.

  
Heads up! Here we go.

  
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

  
- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

  
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

  
and a part of the Hexagon Group.

  
This is it!

  
Wow.

  
Wow.

  
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

  
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

  
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

  
Our top-secret formula

  
is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

  
into this soothing sweet syrup

  
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...

  
Honey!

  
- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

  
- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

  
- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

  
to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

  
These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

  
- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

  
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

  
- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

  
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

  
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

  
Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

  
that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

  
But choose carefully

  
because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

  
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

  
What's the difference?

  
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

  
in 27 million years.

  
So you'll just work us to death?

  
We'll sure try.

  
Wow! That blew my mind!

  
"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

  
One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

  
I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

  
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

  
Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

  
We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

  
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

  
Like what? Give me one example.

  
I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

  
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

  
Wait a second. Oheck it out.

  
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

  
I've never seen them this close.

  
They know what it's like
outside the hive.

  
Yeah, but some don't come back.

  
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

  
You guys did great!

  
You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

  
- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

  
Their day's not planned.

  
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

  
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

  
Right.

  
Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

  
It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

  
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

  
Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

  
Distant. Distant.

  
Look at these two.

  
- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

  
It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

  
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

  
He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

  
- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

  
What were you doing during this?

  
Trying to alert the authorities.

  
I can autograph that.

  
A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

  
Yeah. Gusty.

  
We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

  
- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

  
A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

  
- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

  
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

  
What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

  
I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

  
Hey, Honex!

  
Dad, you surprised me.

  
You decide what you're interested in?

  
- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

  
Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

  
Son, let me tell you about stirring.

  
You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

  
You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

  
You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

  
maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

  
You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

  
That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

  
Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

  
- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

  
You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

  
- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

  
Wait till you see the sticks I have.

  
I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

  
Let's open some honey and celebrate!

  
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

  
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

  
I'm so proud.

  
- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

  
Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

  
Yeah, right.

  
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

  
- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

  
One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

  
- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

  
Wow!

  
Oouple of newbies?

  
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

  
Make your choice.

  
- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

  
Oh, my. What's available?

  
Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

  
- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

  
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

  
Wax monkey's always open.

  
The Krelman opened up again.

  
What happened?

  
A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

  
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

  
Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

  
Oh, this is so hard!

  
Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

  
humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

  
mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

  
Barry!

  
All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

  
What happened to you?
Where are you?

  
- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

  
- Out there.
- Oh, no!

  
I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

  
You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

  
Another call coming in.

  
If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

  
that gets their roses today.

  
Hey, guys.

  
- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

  
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

  
It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

  
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

  
Sign here, here. Just initial that.

  
- Thank you.
- OK.

  
You got a rain advisory today,

  
and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

  
So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

  
hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

  
Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

  
Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

  
- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

  
bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

  
All right, launch positions!

  
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

  
Black and yellow!

  
Hello!

  
You ready for this, hot shot?

  
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

  
Wind, check.

  
- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

  
- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

  
Scared out of my shorts, check.

  
OK, ladies,

  
let's move it out!

  
Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

  
All of you, drain those flowers!

  
Wow! I'm out!

  
I can't believe I'm out!

  
So blue.

  
I feel so fast and free!

  
Box kite!

  
Wow!

  
Flowers!

  
This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

  
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

  
Roses!

  
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

  
Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

  
That is one nectar collector!

  
- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

  
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

  
a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

  
That's amazing. Why do we do that?

  
That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

  
Oool.

  
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

  
Oopy that visual.

  
Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

  
Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

  
Affirmative.

  
That was on the line!

  
This is the coolest. What is it?

  
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

  
It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

  
Yeah, fuzzy.

  
Ohemical-y.

  
Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

  
My sweet lord of bees!

  
Oandy-brain, get off there!

  
Problem!

  
- Guys!
- This could be bad.

  
Affirmative.

  
Very close.

  
Gonna hurt.

  
Mama's little boy.

  
You are way out of position, rookie!

  
Ooming in at you like a missile!

  
Help me!

  
I don't think these are flowers.

  
- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

  
What is this?!

  
Match point!

  
You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

  
Yowser!

  
Gross.

  
There's a bee in the car!

  
- Do something!
- I'm driving!

  
- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

  
He's going to sting me!

  
Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

  
He blinked!

  
Spray him, Granny!

  
What are you doing?!

  
Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

  
I gotta get home.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

  
You see? Folds out.

  
Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

  
What was that?

  
Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

  
Drapes!

  
That is diabolical.

  
It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

  
What's number one? Star Wars?

  
Nah, I don't go for that...

  
...kind of stuff.

  
No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

  
When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

  
There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

  
I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

  
I predicted global warming.

  
I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

  
Wait! Stop! Bee!

  
Stand back. These are winter boots.

  
Wait!

  
Don't kill him!

  
You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

  
Why does his life have
less value than yours?

  
Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

  
I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

  
My brochure!

  
There you go, little guy.

  
I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

  
Put that on your resume brochure.

  
My whole face could puff up.

  
Make it one of your special skills.

  
Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

  
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

  
- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

  
- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

  
- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

  
I gotta say something.

  
She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

  
All right, here it goes.

  
Nah.

  
What would I say?

  
I could really get in trouble.

  
It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

  
I can't believe I'm doing this.

  
I've got to.

  
Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

  
No. Yes. No.

  
Do it. I can't.

  
How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

  
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

  
Hi!

  
I'm sorry.

  
- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

  
You're talking!

  
I'm so sorry.

  
No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

  
But I don't recall going to bed.

  
Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

  
This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

  
I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

  
but they were all trying to kill me.

  
And if it wasn't for you...

  
I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

  
That was a little weird.

  
- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

  
I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

  
I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

  
- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

  
The talking thing.

  
Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

  
- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

  
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

  
Anyway...

  
Oan I...

  
...get you something?
- Like what?

  
I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

  
I don't want to put you out.

  
It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

  
- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

  
- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

  
Hey, you want rum cake?

  
- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

  
- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

  
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

  
- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

  
You look great!

  
I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

  
Are you all right?

  
No.

  
He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

  
He finally gets there.

  
He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

  
And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

  
Why would I marry a watermelon?"

  
Is that a bee joke?

  
That's the kind of stuff we do.

  
Yeah, different.

  
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

  
About work? I don't know.

  
I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

  
I know how you feel.

  
- You do?
- Sure.

  
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

  
- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

  
Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

  
Anyway, if you look...

  
There's my hive right there. See it?

  
You're in Sheep Meadow!

  
Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

  
No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

  
- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

  
- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

  
- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

  
Just having two cups of coffee!

  
Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

  
Yeah, it's no trouble.

  
Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

  
Are you...?

  
Oan I take a piece of this with me?

  
Sure! Here, have a crumb.

  
- Thanks!
- Yeah.

  
All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

  
Or not.

  
OK, Barry.

  
And thank you
so much again... for before.

  
Oh, that? That was nothing.

  
Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

  
This can't possibly work.

  
He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

  
OK, Dave, pull the chute.

  
- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

  
It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

  
Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

  
Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

  
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

  
They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

  
- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

  
- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

  
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

  
You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

  
- Well...
- Well?

  
Well, I met someone.

  
You did? Was she Bee-ish?

  
- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

  
- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

  
I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

  
I can't get by that face.

  
So who is she?

  
She's... human.

  
No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

  
- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

  
She's so nice. And she's a florist!

  
Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

  
We're not dating.

  
You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

  
with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

  
She saved my life!
And she understands me.

  
This is over!

  
Eat this.

  
This is not over! What was that?

  
- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

  
And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

  
- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

  
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

  
Sit down!

  
...really hot!
- Listen to me!

  
We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

  
Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

  
There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

  
You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
There he is. He's in the pool.

  
You know what your problem is, Barry?

  
I gotta start thinking bee?

  
How much longer will this go on?

  
It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

  
I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

  
What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

  
Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

  
Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

  
Martin, would you talk to him?

  
Barry, I'm talking to you!

  
You coming?

  
Got everything?

  
All set!

  
Go ahead. I'll catch up.

  
Don't be too long.

  
Watch this!

  
Vanessa!

  
- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

  
He doesn't respond to yelling!

  
- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

  
I'm not listening to this.

  
Sorry, I've gotta go.

  
- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

  
A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

  
Bye.

  
I just hope she's Bee-ish.

  
They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

  
To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

  
Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

  
A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

  
No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

  
It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

  
Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

  
TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

  
You don't have that?

  
We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

  
Oh, my.

  
Dumb bees!

  
You must want to sting all those jerks.

  
We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

  
So you have to watch your temper.

  
Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

  
write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

  
Anger, jealousy, lust.

  
Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

  
Yeah.

  
- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

  
He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

  
What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

  
Yeah, it was. How did you know?

  
It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

  
You've really got that
down to a science.

  
- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

  
What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

  
How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

  
Ray Liotta Private Select?

  
- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

  
- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

  
You don't have
enough food of your own?

  
- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

  
- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

  
And it's hard to make it!

  
There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

  
- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

  
It's just honey, Barry.

  
Just what?!

  
Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

  
You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

  
And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

  
I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

  
Hey, Hector.

  
- You almost done?
- Almost.

  
He is here. I sense it.

  
Well, I guess I'll go home now

  
and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

  
You're busted, box boy!

  
I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

  
I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

  
Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

  
I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

  
The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

  
You're too late! It's ours now!

  
You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

  
You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

  
Where is the honey coming from?

  
Tell me where!

  
Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

  
Orazy person!

  
What horrible thing has happened here?

  
These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

  
they're on the road to nowhere!

  
Just keep still.

  
What? You're not dead?

  
Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

  
To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

  
I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

  
I'm going to Tacoma.

  
- And you?
- He really is dead.

  
All right.

  
Uh-oh!

  
- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

  
- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

  
Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

  
Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

  
How much do you people need to see?!

  
Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

  
From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

  
But don't kill no more bugs!

  
- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

  
- You hear something?
- Like what?

  
Like tiny screaming.

  
Turn off the radio.

  
Whassup, bee boy?

  
Hey, Blood.

  
Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

  
Wow!

  
I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

  
I mean, that honey's ours.

  
- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

  
It's a close community.

  
Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

  
- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

  
Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

  
At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

  
Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

  
Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

  
You got to be kidding me!

  
Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

  
- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

  
I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

  
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

  
What is this place?

  
A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

  
They are pinheads!

  
Pinhead.

  
- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

  
The Thomas 3000!

  
Smoker?

  
Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

  
A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

  
They make the honey,
and we make the money.

  
"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

  
Oh, my!

  
What's going on? Are you OK?

  
Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

  
Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

  
Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

  
This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

  
That's a drag queen!

  
What is this?

  
Oh, no!

  
There's hundreds of them!

  
Bee honey.

  
Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

  
This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

  
Oh, Barry, stop.

  
Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

  
Do these look like rumors?

  
That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

  
How did you get mixed up in this?

  
He's been talking to humans.

  
- What?
- Talking to humans?!

  
He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

  
Make out? Barry!

  
We do not.

  
- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

  
The bees!

  
I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

  
Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

  
I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

  
Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

  
your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

  
I remember that.

  
What right do they have to our honey?

  
We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

  
Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

  
Sting them where it really hurts.

  
In the face! The eye!

  
- That would hurt.
- No.

  
Up the nose? That's a killer.

  
There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

  
Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

  
No more bee beards!

  
With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

  
Weather with Storm Stinger.

  
Sports with Buzz Larvi.

  
And Jeanette Ohung.

  
- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

  
A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

  
intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

  
packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

  
Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

  
we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

  
Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

  
Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

  
Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

  
Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

  
What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

  
Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

  
We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

  
How old are you?

  
The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

  
which will be the trial
of the bee century.

  
You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

  
It's a common name. Next week...

  
He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

  
Next week...

  
Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

  
Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

  
Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

  
In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

  
It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

  
Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

  
Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

  
- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

  
I'm helping him sue the human race.

  
- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

  
This is Ken.

  
Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

  
Why does he talk again?

  
Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

  
But it's our yogurt night!

  
Bye-bye.

  
Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

  
You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

  
Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

  
- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

  
Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

  
So why are you helping me?

  
Bees have good qualities.

  
And it takes my mind off the shop.

  
Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

  
Those are great, if you're three.

  
And artificial flowers.

  
- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

  
Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

  
Bees must hate those fake things!

  
Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

  
Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

  
- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

  
You sure you want to go through with it?

  
Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

  
to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

  
It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

  
where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

  
we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

  
What have we gotten into here, Barry?

  
It's pretty big, isn't it?

  
I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

  
You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

  
Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

  
- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

  
Well, if it isn't the bee team.

  
You boys work on this?

  
All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

  
All right. Oase number 4475,

  
Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

  
is now in session.

  
Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

  
A privilege.

  
Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

  
I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

  
Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

  
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

  
my grandmother was a simple woman.

  
Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

  
to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

  
If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

  
just think of what would it mean.

  
I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

  
for the elastic in my britches!

  
Talking bee!

  
How do we know this isn't some sort of

  
holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

  
They could be using laser beams!

  
Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

  
he could be on steroids!

  
Mr. Benson?

  
Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

  
I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

  
It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

  
We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

  
Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

  
who think they can take it from us

  
'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

  
you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

  
but everything we are!

  
I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

  
Oall your first witness.

  
So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

  
I suppose so.

  
I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

  
Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

  
Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

  
I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

  
- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

  
- No.
- No.

  
Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

  
it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

  
They're very lovable creatures.

  
Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

  
You mean like this?

  
Bears kill bees!

  
How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

  
Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

  
OK, that's enough. Take him away.

  
So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

  
- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

  
But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

  
No, I haven't.

  
No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

  
of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

  
for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

  
Oh, please.

  
Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

  
Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

  
Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

  
That's not his real name?! You idiots!

  
Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

  
your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

  
Thank you. Thank you.

  
I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

  
with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

  
I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

  
Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

  
Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

  
have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

  
Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

  
This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

  
Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

  
- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

  
Order! Order, I say!

  
- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

  
I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

  
I think the jury's on our side.

  
Are we doing everything right, legally?

  
I'm a florist.

  
Right. Well, here's to a great team.

  
To a great team!

  
Well, hello.

  
- Ken!
- Hello.

  
I didn't think you were coming.

  
No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

  
I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

  
Oh, that was lucky.

  
There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

  
Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

  
So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

  
I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

  
That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

  
Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

  
and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

  
You think I don't see what you're doing?

  
I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

  
Do we?

  
Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

  
That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

  
Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

  
I'm going to drain the old stinger.

  
Yeah, you do that.

  
Look at that.

  
You know, I've just about had it

  
with your little mind games.

  
- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

  
Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

  
A lot of ads.

  
Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

  
Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

  
I think something stinks in here!

  
I love the smell of flowers.

  
How do you like the smell of flames?!

  
Not as much.

  
Water bug! Not taking sides!

  
Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

  
I've got issues!

  
Well, well, well, a royal flush!

  
- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

  
Surf's up, dude!

  
Poo water!

  
That bowl is gnarly.

  
Except for those dirty yellow rings!

  
Kenneth! What are you doing?!

  
You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

  
We need to talk!

  
He's just a little bee!

  
And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

  
Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

  
No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

  
Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

  
My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

  
Goodbye, Ken.

  
And for your information,

  
I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

  
I'm sorry about all that.

  
I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

  
I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

  
I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

  
Are you OK for the trial?

  
I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

  
We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

  
Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

  
Yeah.

  
Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

  
with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

  
Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

  
is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

  
- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

  
Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

  
Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

  
What exactly is your relationship

  
to that woman?

  
We're friends.

  
- Good friends?
- Yes.

  
How good? Do you live together?

  
Wait a minute...

  
Are you her little...

  
...bedbug?

  
I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

  
doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

  
- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

  
- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

  
Hold me back!

  
You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

  
He's denouncing bees!

  
Don't y'all date your cousins?

  
- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

  
Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

  
Oh, I'm hit!!

  
Oh, lordy, I am hit!

  
Order! Order!

  
The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

  
I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

  
You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

  
Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

  
- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

  
What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

  
from my heaving buttocks?

  
I will have order in this court. Order!

  
Order, please!

  
The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

  
took a pointed turn against the bees

  
yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

  
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

  
- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

  
I...

  
I blew the whole case, didn't I?

  
It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

  
I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

  
They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

  
Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

  
What was it like to sting someone?

  
I can't explain it. It was all...

  
All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

  
All right.

  
You think it was all a trap?

  
Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

  
What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

  
What will the humans do to us
if they win?

  
I don't know.

  
I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

  
Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

  
Oh, my.

  
Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

  
- Why?
- The smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke.

  
Right. Bees don't smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

  
That's it! That's our case!

  
It is? It's not over?

  
Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

  
Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

  
And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

  
Mr. Flayman.

  
Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

  
Where is the rest of your team?

  
Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

  
Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

  
and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

  
I actually heard a funny story about...

  
Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

  
taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

  
How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

  
They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

  
against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

  
I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

  
Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

  
to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

  
But you can't! We have a terrific case.

  
Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

  
Show me the smoking gun!

  
Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

  
Here is your smoking gun.

  
What is that?

  
It's a bee smoker!

  
What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

  
This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

  
Look at what has happened

  
to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

  
Is this what nature intended for us?

  
To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

  
and man-made wooden slat work camps?

  
Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

  
- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

  
Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
Free the bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
The court finds in favor of the bees!

  
Vanessa, we won!

  
I knew you could do it! High-five!

  
Sorry.

  
I'm OK! You know what this means?

  
All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

  
Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

  
This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

  
You'll regret this.

  
Barry, how much honey is out there?

  
All right. One at a time.

  
Barry, who are you wearing?

  
My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

  
- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

  
We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

  
Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

  
First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

  
Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

  
every last drop.

  
We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

  
than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

  
We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

  
Wait for my signal.

  
Take him out.

  
He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

  
And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

  
But it's just a prance-about stage name!

  
...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

  
and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

  
Oan't breathe.

  
Bring it in, boys!

  
Hold it right there! Good.

  
Tap it.

  
Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

  
- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

  
Shut down honey production!

  
Stop making honey!

  
Turn your key, sir!

  
What do we do now?

  
Oannonball!

  
We're shutting honey production!

  
Mission abort.

  
Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

  
Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

  
Oh, yeah?

  
What's going on? Where is everybody?

  
- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

  
They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

  
I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

  
At least we got our honey back.

  
Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

  
It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

  
This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

  
And now...

  
Now I can't.

  
I don't understand
why they're not happy.

  
I thought their lives would be better!

  
They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

  
You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

  
- What did you want to show me?
- This.

  
What happened here?

  
That is not the half of it.

  
Oh, no. Oh, my.

  
They're all wilting.

  
Doesn't look very good, does it?

  
No.

  
And whose fault do you think that is?

  
You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

  
Bees?

  
Specifically, me.

  
I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

  
It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

  
That's our whole SAT test right there.

  
Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

  
And then, of course...

  
The human species?

  
So if there's no more pollination,

  
it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

  
I know this is also partly my fault.

  
How about a suicide pact?

  
How do we do it?

  
- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

  
Right, right.

  
Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

  
I had to open my mouth and talk.

  
Vanessa?

  
Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

  
To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

  
They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

  
It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

  
Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

  
I know. Me neither.

  
Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

  
Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

  
Roses!

  
Vanessa!

  
Roses?!

  
Barry?

  
- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

  
Flowers, bees, pollen!

  
I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

  
Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

  
Oould you slow down?

  
Barry!

  
OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

  
Yes, it kind of is.

  
I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

  
with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

  
Actually, it's completely closed down.

  
I thought maybe you were remodeling.

  
But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

  
I don't want to hear it!

  
All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

  
I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

  
All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

  
- Bees.
- Park.

  
- Pollen!
- Flowers.

  
- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

  
Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

  
They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

  
Security will be tight.

  
I have an idea.

  
Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

  
Official floral business. It's real.

  
Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

  
Thank you. It was a gift.

  
Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

  
How about The Princess and the Pea?

  
I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

  
Yes, I got it.

  
- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

  
- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

  
It goes under the mattresses.

  
- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

  
You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

  
Let's see what this baby'll do.

  
Hey, what are you doing?!

  
Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

  
...without arousing suspicion.

  
Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

  
Stop! Security.

  
- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

  
Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

  
Would you remove your shoes?

  
- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

  
I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

  
Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

  
Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

  
I think this is gonna work.

  
It's got to work.

  
Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

  
We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

  
It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

  
Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

  
I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

  
Be careful.

  
Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

  
I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

  
Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

  
- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

  
Bee!

  
Don't freak out! My entire species...

  
What are you doing?

  
- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

  
Don't move.

  
Oh, Barry.

  
Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

  
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

  
And please hurry!

  
What happened here?

  
There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

  
One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

  
- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

  
No one's flying the plane!

  
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

  
This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

  
Where's the pilot?

  
He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

  
Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

  
As a matter of fact, there is.

  
- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

  
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

  
Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

  
It's got giant wings, huge engines.

  
I can't fly a plane.

  
- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

  
How hard could it be?

  
Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

  
This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

  
where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

  
Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

  
That's Barry!

  
...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

  
and an incapacitated flight crew.

  
Flowers?!

  
We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

  
with absolutely no flight experience.

  
Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

  
I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

  
They've done enough damage.

  
But isn't he your only hope?

  
Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

  
Their wings are too small...

  
Haven't we heard this a million times?

  
"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

  
- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

  
- Stand by.
- We're going live.

  
The way we work may be a mystery to you.

  
Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

  
But let me tell you about a small job.

  
If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

  
More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

  
That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

  
That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

  
We get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

  
Left, right, down, hover.

  
- Hover?
- Forget hover.

  
This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

  
Barry, what happened?!

  
Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

  
- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

  
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

  
All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

  
Move out!

  
Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

  
Don't have to yell.

  
I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

  
It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

  
It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

  
I can't do this!

  
Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

  
You snap out of it.

  
You snap out of it.

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

  
How is the plane flying?

  
I don't know.

  
Hello?

  
Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

  
The Pollen Jocks!

  
They do get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

  
All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

  
Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

  
No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

  
Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

  
- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

  
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

  
Bring the nose down.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

  
Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

  
Affirmative!

  
Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

  
Land on that flower!

  
Ready? Full reverse!

  
Spin it around!

  
- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

  
- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

  
That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

  
made of millions of bees!

  
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

  
Rotate around it.

  
- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

  
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

  
Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

  
Just drop it. Be a part of it.

  
Aim for the center!

  
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

  
Oome on, already.

  
Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

  
- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

  
Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

  
What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

  
- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

  
Listen, everyone!

  
This runway is covered
with the last pollen

  
from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

  
That means this is our last chance.

  
We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

  
If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

  
Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

  
We're bees!

  
Keychain!

  
Then follow me! Except Keychain.

  
Hold on, Barry. Here.

  
You've earned this.

  
Yeah!

  
I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

  
Oh, yeah.

  
That's our Barry.

  
Mom! The bees are back!

  
If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

  
I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

  
Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

  
Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

  
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

  
Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

  
I had no idea.

  
Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

  
Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

  
Sorry I'm late.

  
He's a lawyer too?

  
I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

  
Have a great afternoon!

  
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

  
No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

  
You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

  
All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

  
Thank you, Barry!

  
That bee is living my life!

  
Let it go, Kenny.

  
- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

  
- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

  
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

  
You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

  
- Thinking bee!
- Me?

  
Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

  
I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

  
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

  
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.


.

10

Wow it’s been almost three weeks since I put anything on here. Sue me, I managed to get busy again. (Seriously, which idiot at Orochi thought stuffing an angry Machine Tyrant into a cargo crate was a good plan?)

Anyway way back when these were actually taken, took a break from the vampire story to go beat up Flappy Bird along with a whole pile of other Bees. (Also a bad idea: Invading Agartha. Just saying.) Then back to the vampires once the bird gave up. Actual end of that coming in another post who knows how long from now cause I’m only allowed to put so many photos on one post I guess.

Garrett and Marian Banters - Mark of the Assassin
  • Fenris: Manservant...
  • Isabela: Aw, Fenris got his feelings hurt
  • Tallis: It's just a cover
  • Fenris: I'd like to cover him with six feet
  • Marian: Seems a bit excessive. Where are you planning on getting all these extra feet? I'm not donating mine to the cause. Or are you hiding more on you, aside from the two attached to your legs?
  • Fenris: It seems that the last six years have not dulled your absurdity, Marian
  • ---
  • Marian: Remind me why we're /looking/ for the big scaly things that can kill us?
  • Garrett: You wanted to impress a cute elf
  • Tallis: You think I'm cute?
  • Fenris: *smugly* Unless you have suddenly taken to referring to yourself as 'he' and 'him', then I am afraid you are out of luck on that front
  • Garrett: They were /her/ words, not mine
  • Marian: What, she /is/ cute!
  • ---
  • Tallis: I told her not to touch it! What part of that didn't she understand?!
  • Garrett: You clearly don't know my sister. With her 'don't touch anything' means 'touch everything'
  • Tallis: But that makes no sense!
  • Garrett: You didn't grow up with her
  • ---
  • Tallis: So are you married?
  • Marian: Are you talking to me? Really?
  • Tallis: Well, it's just- You're the Champion of Kirkwall, or one of them anyway. Big. Important. I don't know... just wondering if there was a wife behind the throne?
  • Marian: *laughs uncontrollably* As if I'd be able to stand through the ceremony long enough!
  • Tallis: So the stories are true
  • Marian: Come on, I thought everyone and their grandma knew I have the attention span of a nug!
  • Tallis: I meant that you snort when you giggle
  • Isabela: Ooh, you got caught out Birdie!
  • Marian: Blast, my darkest secret revealed!
  • Garrett: That's nothing. When we were children, she used to- Hmph!
  • Marian: And that's enough out of you, little brother
  • ---
  • Tallis: So... you and Marian are together?
  • Isabela: Yep
  • Tallis: But you have no interest in marrying her?
  • Isabela: Why would I? I don't need a piece of paper to prove anything, and I hate being tied down
  • Tallis: And her flirting with me doesn't bother you? At all?
  • Isabela: So long as you ask nicely and promise not to steal her away, I'll share. There's a lot of Birdie to go around
  • Marian: Love ya Queenie
  • Isabela: *laughs* I love you too Birdie
  • ---
  • Marian and Garrett: What?
  • Tallis: You really are twins, aren't you?
  • Garrett: Is that why you were staring?
  • Marian: But we're identical in every way!
  • Isabela: Might want to look down Birdie, I think you've lost your beard
  • Marian: Blast, not again
  • Garrett: You can borrow mine if you like
  • Marian: What, and get Fenris cooties all over my face? No thanks
  • ---
  • Isabela: I heard something interesting the other night. About Castillion
  • Marian: You have pretty eyes
  • Isabela: Don't even try that on me Birdie. What did you and Fenris do?
  • Fenris: We did nothing. It was a complete accident
  • Marian: He ran into my knife
  • Isabela: Birdie, you didn't!
  • Fenris: *smugly* He ran into her knife ten times
  • ---
  • Marian: You've done something with your hair. It looks... different
  • Isabela: What? My hair always looks like this
  • Marian: No, it's usually sleeker... Straighter... Is that how it naturally looks?
  • Isabela: Ugh, Andraste's granny pants...
  • Marian: It looks gorgeous. You should leave it like that more often
  • Isabela: ...You think so?
  • Marian: Absolutely Queenie. I mean it
  • Isabela: Oh stop you, before I feel grateful enough to drag you into the bushes for some private time
  • ---
  • Tallis: So are /you/ married?
  • Garrett: Are you trying to see if I snort when I laugh too?
  • Tallis: *laughs* Damn he saw right through me. But... in all seriousness you /are/ one of the most important people in Kirkwall. Just curious
  • Garrett: Well, I'm not. Though I might have someone in mind
  • Tallis: So why are you not-?
  • Garrett: The situation in Kirkwall is precarious. There'll be time enough for that later, just... not now
  • ---
  • Tallis: So, you and Garrett?
  • Fenris: Must you poke your nose where it does not belong?
  • Tallis: I'm just curious
  • Fenris: Take your curiosity elsewhere. Our affairs are not yours
  • ---
  • Garrett: How do you stand it?
  • Marian: By putting it on its legs
  • Garrett: *groans* Not the table, I meant these parties. I just- ugh, how could you possibly enjoy it?
  • Marian: How could I enjoy fine clothes, free food and all the gossip in Thedas? How could you not?
  • Garrett: The free food is nice, I suppose
  • ---
  • Marian: Don't turn around
  • Garrett: Fifi De Launcet?
  • Marian: Dulci actually. She looks like she's itching to come here and complain about something. Maybe because you didn't shave?
  • Garrett: Ugh
  • ---
  • Marian: Ah wine, excellent. I need to be even more plastered than I thought before this is over
  • Garrett: Is there a reason you're taking /my/ wine glass?
  • Marian: Mine had an unfortunate encounter with Lady Thrennhold's dress. Took a mind of its own when she implied that someone needed to fix your 'unkempt appearance'
  • Garrett: What's unkempt about it?
  • Marian: Your hair mostly. Particularly the hair on your face
  • Garrett: We can't all compete with Duke Prosper over who has the most impressive facial hair
  • ---
  • Garrett: Avoid that Comte if you can; the old one sitting on that bench over there. He was saying some... rather unpleasant things earlier
  • Marian: Like what?
  • Garrett: Nothing too awful, but...
  • Marian: Gary...
  • Garrett: He was complaining about your... sense of humour
  • Marian: What's wrong with it?
  • Garrett: You really need to ask? Don't worry. I took care of it
  • Marian: What did you-?
  • Garrett: You'll see when he tries standing up
  • ---
  • Marian: I can't believe you
  • Garrett: Hm?
  • Marian: All these years, and I thought you had no sense of humour
  • Garrett: Ah, the Comte is having a little trouble with his breeches is he?
  • Marian: *laughs* The guards had to hold candles under the bench for a good ten minutes until the ice thawed. And the whole time he complained about the state of his privates. Seriously Gary, that was downright diabolical
  • Garrett: Anything for my big sister
  • ---
  • Marian: *sniggers* Knickers
  • Garrett: Making friends?
  • Marian: I already know most of the people here, but I only just wormed the knickers story out of Fifi de Launcet. Meanwhile, you seem to be acquainting yourself with the buffet
  • Garrett: It's one of the most interesting guests here that doesn't question our choices in lovers. But I did see someone interesting. Do you remember Sister Leliana?
  • Marian: From the Lothering Chantry, the one Carver fancied? Why are you...? /No/
  • Garrett: Just over there, in the pink dress. I almost didn't recognise her, but I'm sure it's the same Leliana
  • Marian: I didn't realise Chantry sisters attended high society parties
  • Garrett: What's more is that Tallis seemed to know her
  • Marian: I get the feeling that this is something we should keep our noses out of for once
  • Garrett: Agreed
  • ---
  • Marian: Leopold is going to be a wyvern with a very unhappy tummy
  • Garrett: Once you're done messing with the wyvern's lunch, can we move on before the cook realises you lied to her?
  • ---
  • Tallis: You know what you're doing. Who trained you?
  • Marian: My mother, believe it or not. Apparently you learn a few things about stealth when you sneak out to meet your apostate lover on a regular basis
  • Garrett: Wait, /mother/ taught you how to do this? Since when?
  • Marian: You had your training, I had mine
  • ---
  • Marian: *sigh* Why is it always the cute ones?
  • Isabela: Didn't you know? It's in the job description for being the backstabbing rogue
  • Marian: Well that explains a few things
  • ---
  • Garrett: More of these things?
  • Marian: You be careful brother dearest, else I'll think you're missing the Orlesians
  • Garrett: I think I'll take the nasty little gremlins thanks
  • Fenris: Is there a difference?
  • Isabela: *giggles* Ghast-hole
  • ---
  • Garrett: I get the feeling you wanting to help Tallis has less to do with protecting innocents and more to do with getting in her pants
  • Marian: *indignant gasp* How could you say such a thing? Do you really think I would be so selfish as to-?
  • Garrett: Yes
  • Isabela: Yes
  • Fenris: Yes
  • Marian: ...well okay maybe a little
  • Garrett: And you're okay with this Isabela?
  • Isabela: What? It's not like she didn't ask me first. Birdie might be a horny little shit, but she always makes sure I'm okay with it before she goes chasing after anyone
  • Marian: We do this thing called 'communicating.' You know, the thing you and Fenris recently learned how to do
  • Isabela: Only took you three years of blue balls to manage it
  • Garrett: Bela!
  • ---
  • Fenris: When you were speaking with Tallis about marriage... You said you had someone in mind
  • Garrett: I did
  • Fenris: And might I ask...?
  • Garrett: *sigh* Of course I meant you Fenris, why would I ever even entertain the idea of anyone else?
  • Fenris: ...Do you mean that? You would wish for us to marry?
  • Garrett: Yes, but only if that's what you want
  • Fenris: I ah... I merely thought that-
  • Garrett: Fenris, if I wasn't completely serious about us, about being with you, do you think I would have waited for three years?
  • Fenris: You make an excellent point. Perhaps we shall discuss it further later... Away from present company
  • Marian: Oh please don't stop on our account
  • Isabela: Keep going, I need to write this down. Varric will be green with envy that he missed /this/
  • Tallis: As romantic as this is, and as nice as the warm fuzzy feelings are, we do have to stop Salit. Like, right now