i can't stop posting this

when an Aries successfully pisses somebody off

when a Taurus gets paid and does impulse online shopping

when a Gemini uses nothing but logic & facts in their arguments to break somebody down

when a Cancer ends up getting their way by being bratty

when a Leo steals the center of attention in groups by changing the topic to themselves

when a Virgo proves somebody wrong

when a Libra uses their charm to avoid conflicts

when a Scorpio finds out all your information without you even being aware

when a Sagittarius gets lucky and doesn’t have to own up to their responsibilities

when a Capricorn uses their friends as a method of social climbing

when an Aquarius pushes people away because they know they’ll still be popular anyway

when a Pisces asks for advice but ignores it and falls back into the situations they complain about

The Problem with Modern Clown Breeding

Alright, this may be out of line, but there’s an elephant in the comically-undersized room and it’s high time we addressed it. Simply put, breed standards have become stringent to the point where inbreeding, and all the health issues that come with it, is rampant in the clown-showing circuit. Confused? Let me show you an example.

This is what a Belgian Spurthigh looked like in the late 1800s. Like most breeds in the Japing group, it was bred for function over form - those distinctive bony spurs on its hips, for example, protected the pelvis during particularly intense pratfalls. But over the last 100 years, we’ve exaggerated these features to a grotesque degree - take a look at the modern Belgian Spurthigh.

A single-minded focus on aesthetics has turned the breed into a warped caricature of its past self, and a veritable time bomb of health issues. Cataracts and hip dysplasia are so common that newly-hatched chucklets have to be tested for them, and the hip spurs are so pronounced in utero that they run the risk of puncturing the egg sac. Let me emphasize that again: in their current state, they cannot lay eggs naturally - to prevent the eggs from puncturing themselves, you have to give the mother a C-section and pull the strings of egg sacs out like a bunch of handkerchiefs tied together. This is not a state any living thing should exist in.

But how did it get this bad, you ask? Blame clown-showing authorities like the American Kook Club. The breed standards they set defining “ideal” clowns have gradually called for more and more pronounced features. When individuals win big events like Jokesminster, every breeder of that breed wants to to have the winner sire a litter with one of their clowns. When everyone is focused on a single, homogeneous ideal, inbreeding runs rampant and the breed’s gene pool shrinks dramatically.

So what do we do now? Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy solution. Preserving high-risk breeds may require crossing over with related breeds (in the case of the Belgian Spurthigh, we’ve seen some success with Andalusian Fool mixes). Clown breeders must continue to put pressure on the AKC and other authorities to prioritize health when defining breed standards. The clown breeds we know and love are in danger, but I believe that if we work together, we can continue to have happy and healthy clowns for generations to come.

The Ipliers during a total blackout
  • Everyone: *basically screaming and complaining*
  • Bim Trimmer: I can't see!
  • The Host: Me neither!
  • Bim: ...
  • The Host: ...
  • Dr. Iplier: I see what you did there
  • Bim: ...
  • The Host: ...
  • Wilford: But how can you see, everything's dark!
  • Dark: *only overhears his name* Are you saying it's my fault?!