i can't get over a great deal of things regarding him anyway

anonymous asked:

Hello! First of all I love the short story that you wrote some weeks ago and I can't wait for you to keep writing it! I noticed that the orange bracelet of Mo Guan Shan has disappeared after chapter 175. You think it's an important detail or maybe I'm thinking too much? Sorry for my bad English ^^

Hey! I’m so happy you enjoyed it, though it’s not much and I rushed it a fucking lot, but this update has really changed my plans for the story (in a good way), so I think I’ll update in a couple of days (?), hopefully before OX does. Recently I don’t have much time ughh, I hope I won’t feel too tired to write, because I have about.. at least 4 tianshan writing ideas and I’m going to make them happen very soon, one at a time. (or else one or two ppl around here will make sure my ass is kicked and cancelled for good haha).

But anyway, back to your question! I didn’t spare much attention on that tbh (wouldn’t have even noticed if people hadn’t mentioned about it lol), I mean I thought OX just.. you know, made a mistake or something? But then again, OX is such a careful artist and puts so much emphasis on details (honestly just give me a print of those backgrounds and I’ll frame that shit on my wall and stare at it, because it’s therapeutic af lol. no but really, I’m really loving the color technique/lighting lately, everything is so smooth and oozes quality and, as a struggling artist myself, I’m amazed OX does this much for us and asks for nothing in return. like I’m so damn grateful even if it hurts). 

So.. if we consider it was intentional, what’s up with that? First thing that came to my mind, without looking at the panels, was that the bracelet somehow got off while they went physical after the kiss. Guan Shan’s reaction (belated, but still) was so strong and instinctive and, really, it looks like he gave his all, but He Tian is simply that impressive (sometimes I wonder if the look on He Tian’s face is also a bit of “oh, he’s quite strong” besides feeling conflicted about the whole thing). So he pinned him down and Guan Shan gave up, brushed him off and…

Nope, it didn’t fall.

Still there. 

(bear with my hopeless shipper ass, but how I love that they both wear their bracelets on the right hand and it also fits them so well, like, He Tian has a larger frame, the thing wraps tightly around his wrist, the way his clothes do too, meanwhile Guan Shan’s wrist is thin and bony and the bracelet just hangs loosely around it, just like any other clothing item he has and hold up I think I got a bit ahead of myself here. back on firm grounds, shall we…)

So it’s not that. He walks off and in the next chapters the bracelet is.. missing? Entirely. Could OX repeat such a mistake? nah, I doubt about that. Even great artists make mistakes and that’s really really understandable, but to this extent? too suspicious, at least for me. OX has a thing for details and people should really really consider them, especially regarding the characters. 

My theory is that he may have lost it on his way back home. First of all, as I said before, his wrists are skinny. As someone who has small wrists, I can definitely confirm that it’s surprisingly easy to lose your accessories, especially if you bring your fingers together, close enough to let it pass over your knuckles. Which brings me to this unpleasant idea that he might have.. nervously held his wrist with his left hand? Like maybe he was so lost in his thoughts and so confused after what happened, he just went straight home and, during that time, he instinctively squeezed his wrist (maybe a bit too hard) to, you know, calm down, get a grip, feel something. And if he did that repeatedly, unaware and all, chances are the bracelet fell off, somewhere. And of course he didn’t notice. Hours later now and he still hasn’t noticed /or we didn’t get to see that. Which is odd, because he wears it so often, maybe he actually likes it a lot, or maybe he’s just used to it, but that’s something one would notice. Given the events, though, he wasn’t allowed much time for himself, really. (fuk u She Li)

And this mini theory (plausible? I don’t know) brings me to an interesting headcanon (? more or less). What if, what if He Tian finds his bracelet? Maybe in the school yard, maybe on the road; they live close to each other, so they might take a similar path, and He Tian knows it’s his. I’m certain he would recognize the bracelet right away. And if that’s the case, would He Tian keep it? Maybe keep it for a while (hey I have this little thing that belongs to him and I don’t know why I keep folding it and staring at it and fuck is he okay? shit I really fucked it up). I’d love to see him oddly focused on something that reminds him of Guan Shan, more or less in a pleasant way, because that would be such a reminder that he fucked up. He wouldn’t just, you know, forget about it. Act like it doesn’t matter, that it means nothing (even if that’s not how he feels, but we’re talking about a boy who would, really, deny such feelings). So he takes his time and finally decides to give it back to him, look for him. Because it’s easier to say “I just wanted to give this to you” than “I wanted to see you and apologize”. Of course, that’s so He Tian. He would definitely use such an excuse to see him. And I’d rather have it that way, really, than She Li mingled between them. (even if they will have to deal with the dropping out issue too, afterwards, and god they should). Because it’s much more.. sincere, it’s something coming from He Tian, something he could have just ignored, and I think Guan Shan would really appreciate it. Would believe he’s sorry. It’s not easy for him anymore to trust He Tian’s intentions. 

I’m going to stop here because it got really long and I’m messing with people’s dashes. Thanks for asking me about this! I really wanted to talk about it but didn’t really get the chance. I love when people ask me things they’re thinking about and wonder what’s my opinion. I mean yeah, I do ramble about it too with my mates here, but I rarely get to put it properly in a decent post. Hope I managed to stretch your thoughts on this matter, just a bit + please don’t feel sorry, I mean /?? your English was perfect! 

anonymous asked:

Q, was Cas ever invited to stay in the bunker? Full time? There always this discussion with "Cas always leaves" etc but i dont remember if Cas actually was invited? You can stay somewhere temporarily without an invite full-time. i.e a friends house where you can go to every weekend but the unspoken agreement is clear; you leave at some point, there would have to be an explicit request to change the terms to move in, no one would just stay permantely otherwise. Did Cas ever get an offer?

I don’t think he’s ever got one out loud… I know a lot of fics still rely on Cas feeling weird about how he almost got settled in in 9x03 and then Dean turned him out into the cold - which always kills me especially because that angst is really telegraphed by the thoughts leading into it so it’s like “oh no” *go to get a stuffed animal to carry on reading* :P

To look at this from other perspectives than Cas’s, as I get the feeling we can only really change his perspective on this with openly being asked to stay, I do think there’s been an element at least until season 11 of Dean/the Winchesters not really feeling Cas WANTED to stay. The one time I can think of he could have been invited back to live with them was 9x22 and if Dean was building up to make it official, he was interrupted by Gadreel showing up.

By the time things calmed down it was the other side of demon!Dean and Cas chose to leave. I remember 10x03 in fandom pretty well (I think it aired on my birthday or thereabouts :P) and the last scene with Cas and Dean got really analysed to death, with a vague consensus that Dean was making space for Cas and was sort of once again hinting him to stay or asking in Dean-language, which Cas missed, with the times Dean tried to ask Cas about how he was doing being blocked:

Forget it. Well, you, on the other hand, you… Looking good. So… Are you back?

At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car.

And then as close as Dean comes to asking being shut down by Cas turning to leave:

I’m glad you’re here, man.

[Cas starts to leave, then turns back.]

Hey, maybe you should um … take some time before you get back to work.

(I also feel like 12x03 has a very similar emotional place for Cas but MUCH better understood since it started at the latest in 11x06 in the main text of us knowing there was clearly MEANT to be an understanding that this was how Cas was feeling about everything, and that it’s sort of revisiting Cas’s reasons for leaving but, uh, no offence to the writing of 10x03 *clears throat* done a little better)

(That fuckin’ “female in the car” line got some parts of fandom really messed up and desperately seeking some alternative that was not terrible or to excuse it in the text which lead to some really strange theories… I actually feel like it blocked us on analysing the whole Cas accidentally-deliberately makes Dean jealous of Hannah subtext for way too long, if many people ever really took to it, unlike how obviously on the other side of the season 10 opener’s heavily paralleled and extremely deliberately mirrored in actions and words love triangles, Cas’s part in the Cas/Dean/Crowley love triangle was may more obvious than Dean’s in Dean/Cas/Hannah except for the bits where Cas was ignoring Hannah to get to Dean etc… woah tangent)

Aaaanyway, after that Cas spends a lot of season 10 leaving and working on various missions. I think even with him dropping by a few times in between, the first time Cas actually seems to be at home at the Bunker is 10x18 at the pizza party, and that itself was led into really weirdly and awkwardly between Cas and Dean - 

[Dean comes in the front door carrying pizza boxes.]

Hey, look who decided to show.

so while we’ve been remembering the good parts once they actually settle down and eat the pizza in a traditional Robbie Musical Montage™ at the time when we were all a lot more stressed about the events of the season and how sparse DeanCas interaction had been, there was a lot of grumbling about Dean and Cas being so awkward and uncomfortable with each other there, and Dean doesn’t do a great job selling that Cas is home by expressing surprise/disbelief that he’s there… Even if Dean is happy (for season 10 Dean) and means it positively that he’s nicely surprised that Cas is there, it highlights how much Cas ISN’T there. 

(And again Cas lies to him about how he got his grace back almost immediately after this, bringing Hannah into it, and closing the loop on that Dean/Cas/Hannah love triangle subtext unless Cas feels like mentioning Hannah to Dean at some point in the future - anyway it was awkward and they were all being awkward and Charlie was the only person who was actually happy to be there, so thank goodness she was so sunshiney and fun and stopped them all going and hiding in various rooms >.>)

After that we’ve seen Cas in the Bunker kitchen so we know he got attached to it and at least feels at home there or that he wants to be able to feel at home there in an uncomplicated way. It’s not many episodes after where Cas refers to the Bunker as “home” for the first time in a way which seems to include all 3 of TFW:

No. Don’t bother, Sam. The GPS says he’s headed North.


Home. Dean’s coming home.

although unless he was invited to live there off-screen, Cas hasn’t been given any offer yet, so he’s just changing his thinking but without any greater certainty that he’d definitely be accepted.

Now from Dean’s POV I can think of a couple more instances - from 11x18:

Well, let’s go find that idiot and bring him home.

and of course 12x03 which I won’t shut up about regarding how casual he seemed to be about Cas’s potential to stay for breakfast and for it to not even be a Thing. 

Which I think for now puts it in a miscommunication trope box that Dean is making assumptions that don’t match up to Cas’s experience and expectations but DO line up to Cas’s desires and everything would be great if they just TALKED about if Cas wants to stay and Dean would be surprised Cas even felt he didn’t really belong because Dean’s been feeling like this is Cas’s home for ages, and Cas even seems to express it because he WANTS it to be his home, but he can’t quite feel like he’s been accepted as much as he wishes he would be, since he clearly HAS a sense of home with the Winchesters and that’s projected onto their creepy underground Bunker while that’s where they call home.

So long story short I think the reason why Cas hasn’t been invited to stay at the Bunker is I think somewhere along the way Dean missed his moment to realise Cas HADN’T been and shifted to feeling like Cas did belong there and knew it. I’d probably pick between 11x03 > 11x06 because that’s when Cas stayed there while he was sick and recovering, so clearly they had the wrong idea there about what the other thought the deal was, NOT helped by how 11x06 threw some more angst and discord into the mix over Amara and Metatron (they were projecting about letting things slip between their fingers >.>) and so Dean who falls out with Sam all the time and never stops wanting to live with him in the Bunker anyway, doesn’t realise the damage that could have on someone who doesn’t actually think they don’t belong there, because Cas has been LIVING there for WEEKS so it’s like, of course this is his home and we won’t kick him out over one stupid argument??

Except, like, obviously Cas does not think it’s that easy and next thing we know he’s been out of the Bunker on some mission that seems designed just to put as much space as possible between him and the Winchesters - maybe just self-punishment for getting attached and starting to think he had a place there >.>

Actually again to go back to Mary and how she and Cas are so strongly paralleled by trading their feelings of not belonging back and forth in that exchange, she is maybe the key to this because she’s another character who like Cas has a huge claim to belonging in the family but doesn’t feel like she’s there yet… Hopefully the way these emotional arcs follow each other might give a moment of realisation about Cas while Dean’s getting to grips with what happened with Mary. 

We can hope >.>