i can't even imagine how devastated they must be

4

- I loved her, Tim.
- I know you did.


MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

(And we’re not even done this episode yet.)

Ugh, Tony.

He just sounds (and looks) like he’s aged 30 years overnight. Like the weight of the world is on his shoulders with that confession.

And while he’s seemed… defeated in this whole conversation, there was that brief moment of levity when he admitted that yes, Tali did happen the good ol’ fashioned way. But then he’s brought back down to earth, because he can’t even really joke about Ziva being just another dalliance.

Because Ziva wasn’t like the others.

Because he loved Ziva.

And he did for a long time before PPF, and evidently has ever since. We’ve known it, and he’s hinted at it in the last three seasons, but finally, for the first time, Tony actually says the words.

Which would have been a lot better directed at Ziva, but we’re not allowed to have nice things, and neither is anyone on this show.

Just like Ziva’s love confession in PPF, Tony’s is also tinged with so much sadness behind the sentiment. Because she loved him but didn’t think she could have him, and he loved her but now can’t have her anymore either.

And I feel like it’s also an admission by Tony that those feelings always ran deeper and were always complicated. “I loved her, Tim” – even amidst the workplace flirtations and stakeout arguments and separations and reunions, he loved her. So he’s not going to “kiss and tell,” because she wasn’t like everyone else, and his feelings for her weren’t like they were for everyone else.

Which we all knew, but at least, now, so does the rest of the world.

Excuse me I need a minute.