i can't even explain it all


Get to know me meme: 6/10 movies» The Theory of Everything (2014) 

“There should be no boundaries to human endeavor. We are all different. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there’s life, there is hope.”



Intertwined // dodie 2016

I just want Viktor and Yuri to say “I love you” to each other.

It doesn’t have to be some big grand scene, it can literally be something light and casual or even just a offhanded “Love you!” text and all the other does is smile and respond back with the “love you too” text.

Yes, I know that they kissed and exchanged rings (my soul left my body each time and I ascended into heaven, bless) and Viktor in the last episode danced around the word “love” but he didn’t actually say the phrase to Yuri. Everything that has been played it is INCREDIBLY powerful and shows that “yes, here is a healthy gay couple in love,” but I still want that phrase to be said out loud and for all to hear. 

It’s like in a fanfiction of your fave pairing where you know the couple is gonna get together. In fact, there have been a couple of chapters where they’ve gone through the tropes, they’ve held hands and even kissed, but when they say “I love you” for the first time, it just hits you so god damn HARD.

The phrase “I love you” is just powerful because there’s just so much behind those three words. Again, the actions of these two in the anime do speak for themselves, but that doesn’t make “I love you” any less powerful or satisfying. 

I just think it would just be amazing if they said it out loud to each other. I can’t really explain it, perhaps someone can say it better, but words have so much power and I would love for this to happen. 

I wish I could even start to explain how much I struggled to love my dark skin. I wish y'all people who want to derail my experience could have seen me broken down crying every single day coming home from school. I wish y'all could of seen when I literally didn’t want to go outside or be seen because I was so afraid of being slandered. I wish you could feel the anxiety and actual panic attacks I had (and still lowkey have) whenever I was around black boys because of how awful they treated me. All the times I literally wanted to die because I felt like less than a human being. (and the attempts…) I felt like I would never be enough. Feeling like no one would ever love me. Feeling like I could never have the happy family life that we all want someday, all because of how I was (and still am) treated because of my skin tone. All because of having dark skin. And honestly this isn’t even half of it but I’m not tryna trigger myself right now.

Nothing hurts me more than when people try to tell me this isn’t real. Nothing hurts me more than when people tell me this isn’t a struggle. Nothing hurts me more when people reduce this to just being bitter and dark and angry. The effects of colorism are nothing short of traumatic and I’m STILL recovering from it today. I still struggle with crippling anxiety and depression to this day and it’s all because of the way I was treated. It’s all because of how awful people were toward me because of my skin tone. I don’t want anyone to EVER tell me this doesn’t exist because it destroyed my life and as far as I’ve come with self love and loving my dark skin, I still have a looooooong recovery ahead of me.

Yoongi recent airport fashion is an all covered up style and he is so covered up that I wonder how he even see things ahead of him with that cap so low on his face and just don’t randomly fall in the middle of the airport or go straight into walls.



happy birthday, Daisy ♥♥♥

If you’re looking to get f’d up, watch She and Her Cat - Everything Flows. It’s only 4 (7-8 minute) episodes, but it’s 4 episodes worth of sad.

ok so here’s a fun weird thing that happened

i’ve wanted to go to therapy for over 5 years and needed to do so probs all my life… and today i had my very first appointment to go see a psychologist. i backed out of it a hundred times, told myself i didn’t need it, fell asleep regretting that call every night… but i made that appointment.

and today i didn’t feel ready at all, but i didn’t feel as anxious as i thought i would. weird, right? i thought it must’ve been because i was telling myself it wasn’t happening, that i was gonna decide not to go in the last moment. but i did leave. it was physically difficult to go there because there’s a snow storm outside. but me and my friend made it. we found the place, a fuckin awesome old house. and we walk in… and everything is black. like, there ARE NO. LIGHTS!

we go up to the right floor (after disturbing a poor man with a cigarette that my friend swears is an actor lol) and knock on the door and the nicest woman answers (the psychologist!!) and it’s like a fucking movie ok??? she’s like yeah sorry  i can’t take you in… there is no electricity.


it’s ok though i have another appointment for thursday but i’ve just been laughing in relief for the past few hours because a) my depression has decided to go away b) that woman seemed so nice and understanding c) one off the number one things that bring me anxiety is going to places i don’t know. not knowing what’s going to happen. expecting the worst. (which i guess this was and wasn’t so what?). my mind is programmed to make the worst assumptions. and what happened today, ironically, shut my mind up so baaaaaad that idk how long it’s gonna take for a comeback lol YAY?


get to know me meme : favorite relationships [1/5] sterek
“Oh, I don’t know, Derek. I think you two make a pretty good p a i r.”

An Actual Conversation
  • <p> <b>Me:</b> Guess what comes out in four days.<p/><b>Mom:</b> Your mama!<p/><b>Me:</b> I don't think my mom's coming out with anything anytime soon.<p/><b>Mom:</b> How do you know? Your mom might be gay.<p/><b>Me:</b> Would explain why all your dates have failed.<p/></p>

lish’s best movies of 2016

#04 Nocturnal Animals 

I think it’s a sad story when girls think that you can’t have fun after marriage, or even have fun w/ your husband, and how basically life is over once your married. Idek how to explain it, it’s just so sad. Like you’d rather have fun w/ non mahrams and get sinned ???? Allaahu mastaan


I’m still trying to unpack all of my thoughts and feelings and various interpretations from the finale, and also reconcile those with what Bryan has said to be his intent with how this all played out. Some of those interpretations match up with the word of god, some of them do not at all, but I think all of them are equally valid and can coexist alongside one another at once. Mostly I think it’s clear that even Will wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted or what he was doing, and I feel just as conflicted about what the one “true story” is as he likely did.

One thing is for certain though, even if Will’s plan in the beginning was to kill Hannibal, or to watch Dolarhyde kill Hannibal, once the moment came he simply couldn’t do it. He said these words to Reba earlier in the episode about her relationship with Dolarhyde, and he understood more than anyone precisely what it meant to be in love with a man with a freak on his back. And I think somewhere along the way Will realized there was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he could do to make himself stop loving Hannibal.

Maybe he wanted him to die, maybe he wanted to run away with him from the beginning and was playing everyone including Hannibal himself, maybe he simply wanted to have just one more moment with him and whatever happened after would be just fine. Maybe he knew they would kill Dolarhyde together and it would be everything Hannibal ever wanted. Maybe Will wanted to give that to him. Wanted to give that to them. Maybe it was all of these at once. I think that is far more likely. Nothing with Will Graham is ever simple or straightforward. Nothing is ever always right or always wrong.

It’s not easy when you know the one person who understands you – every part of you, all your light and dark, all your good and bad, all your best and worst – is someone commonly referred to as a monster. It’s not easy when you see him and he sees you and you’re both laid bare before each other and you know that you will never connect with another person ever again in the way you have with him. You tried to live without him, you really, truly did, but you discovered that you were only lying to yourself. There was never any living without him. Only standing still. Waiting.

And you fear that it will ruin all your good, that his dark will sap your light, but he is magnetic and you are both somehow just alike and you look into his eyes and you know everything he wants to say to you, and he knows everything you want to say to him. He sees right through you. You see right through him.

It’s not easy, but that’s love for you. More often than not it is illogical and stubbornly devoted despite all your knowledge and foresight. You know it’s going to hurt. You know it’s going to ruin you. You want it anyways. And sometimes you want nothing more than to purge yourself of it desperately. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them. Can’t conceive of an existence where you exist and they do not. After a while mutual destruction seems to be the only option.

Whatever Will was thinking when he sent them tumbling into the Atlantic, I don’t think it can ever be entirely narrowed down to one thing. Maybe he was terrified of how peaceful he felt, bathed in the blood of their slaughter, knowing he would always want for it to be that way, the two of them and their beautiful chaos. Maybe he couldn’t picture a more perfect end for the two of them, clinging to one another in the night. Or maybe he wasn’t thinking at all. Maybe he just simply let go and hoped for the best. Or the worst. Or whatever.

He couldn’t kill him, and he couldn’t watch him die, but maybe if they only tumbled into a new life – or a certain death – together, anything that came after would be just fine.