i can try to be pretty

but it’s like-
the night throbs in my veins sometimes
and i don’t know what to do with this energy?
it isn’t my heart, no, not that, not anything known,
but it flows like blood would and i want to leap out of the window-
i want to meet the stars / i want to tell them that the night
isn’t the darkest place that i’ve been but even when i’m there
somehow starlight still guides me.

l.s. | it flows like blood would © 2017

anonymous asked:

HI Lady Kay! I'm a huge fan of your blog! When you were in your third year of medical school, did people constantly try to convince you to pursue pretty much any other field besides surgery? I'm a woman interested in gen surg residency, but I seem receive discouragement from almost any non-surgeon I talk to. I want to pursue what I love the most, but it's definitely unsettling when so many people are basically telling me that I will be a lifelong workaholic with a bad home life. Thoughts?



It’s something that makes me so angry that people still think about surgery. Women in surgery can be anything they want. They can be moms and wives. They can rescue puppies or climb mountains. They can be cardiothoracic surgeons and pediatric surgeons and oncologic surgeons. They can have two XX chromosomes or not. They can like to own fancy shoes or like to wear nothing but jeans. They can wear lipstick to work every single day or never wear makeup any day of their lives. 

Women in surgery are amazing and can do anything they want. 

People on the outside don’t get that. 

But as someone on the inside – let me tell you – I am going to get everything. 

I am a surgery intern. One of the years that is notorious for being the hardest. And yet… I’m buying a house and getting married. I find time to go for a run a couple times a week and I cook meals for myself. I manage to read about one book a month that’s not about medicine. I’m writing on this blog right now. 

I am going to get everything that matters to me. 

I won’t say that there haven’t been compromises and sacrifices. I don’t do quite as many different things as I used to before I was a resident. I’m sure you’ve noticed I don’t blog as much anymore. I read fewer books. Sometimes I decide I don’t care if my hair was washed two days ago because dry shampoo exists and it’s pulled back all day anyway. 

About a year ago - I had an ampersand tattooed on my ankle to remind me of the word “and”. I will always have a lot of “and”s involved in who I am. 

I am a surgeon AND a wife-to-be AND a cook AND a writer AND a friend AND a daughter AND a sister AND a runner. 

And I’m only adding to those things. If I’m lucky, soon I’ll get to add AND a mother, AND a researcher AND a teacher AND a whole lot of other things. 

Being a surgeon is one thing I do – sure it’s a really incredible thing I do – but it’s only one thing I do. I do a whole lot of other things and being a surgeon is not the only thing that defines me. 

Women in medicine and women in surgery are amazing. We are a great many things – and backwards ideas that we have to “give something up” are sexist and antiquated. Ideas that say we can’t be all we want should be shut down. 


  • Me to me: if only someone would call me pretty all my insecurities would go away and I would be free
  • Someone: *tells me I am pretty*
  • Me: nice try buddy, you can't fool me. Your lies don't work here.

Me to me: Don’t do it, self.
Me to me: Do it.
The squad: Do it
Me to me: Aight I’m doing it.
So. I try to be nice all the time bc being a bitch has gotten me nowhere in the real life except for being left alone in class (which is a blessing in and of itself). But I try to be nice on here bc y’all tend to be pretty chill. Which is fab. But listen. I know y’all can read. I know y’all can read that, in my bio, it says requests are closed. And I know y’all can read it. Bc y’all are able to read the goddamn messages y’all send me asking for fics. And maybe you’re not outright requesting a fic. You think you’re being sly as hell, giving me “ideas.” Ya not slick. I can see right through it. And I try to be nice but y’all. I swear to god, it’s getting harder and harder.
So to save me time and energy (so I don’t have to clap the fuck back at you) and to save you the distress of being on the receiving end of me finally fucking blowing a gasket, just…fucking…shut…up…about…fic….ideas…to….me…unless….I….specifically….ask……you…..for……ideas
Anyways whatever I’m tired and stay pissed off 1000% of the time idc

Happy Birthday to Felicia and Flora, the maid twins from Fire Emblem Fates! (and tumblr too apparently)

I had a high quality version of this which @robotortoise actually prepared (this one is pretty grainy), but couldn’t put it here because “the filesize was too big, please reduce it then try again!” gah… well at least you guys get sweating Flora… (you can try and rectify this if you want robo, my mind is too primitive when it comes to posting things HQ)


Hanyu 4CC

Eurosport didn’t do the free skate live transmission (wtf?), so I had to rush to find a livestream. I got a pretty good one, and just as Hanyu started the second half of his program the stream froze. Arghh…

Probably right along with most people watching, including Brian, who were trying to figure out what the hell was happening on that ice. lol

I only got it back for the Kiss&Cry, and I was happy Yuzuru and Brian were both very happy and chatty. He got over 200 and 300 combined, so I think he was very pleased.

I can’t believe he got that, while making changes in a highly complex, intensive, technical program, on the fly. And just because he was feeling good, he did a triple axel as his last jump. On the free skate. Four minutes in. Of a complex, intensive, technical program. Ah. Chill has left the building and dropped off a cliff. LOL

Even Brian was thanking him. XD It’s so great to see them hug. Hanyu is a hugging machine with Brian (and Javi), and you can really tell how fantastic their relationship still is, after 5 long years.

So basically Hope and Legacy was also a completely different program. Yuzu skipped/changed a lot of choreo elements and spins to catch up with the music and fit in the jumps. Kind of an all around mess. BUT YOU COULDN’T EVEN TELL IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW. And that’s how you recognize a champion. When they can make it beautiful and effortless, even when things don’t go right.

yaboybigbadguzma  asked:

Kanaya low-key has the gayest thoughts about Rose but tries to play it cool and fails miserably because she is far too gay even after 700 years of marriage. "My Wife Is So Gorgeous How Can Any Human Not Be In Love, Just Look At Her She Is Beautiful." "Kanaya, is something the matter? You're staring." "...Pretty...Eyes...Smile..."

kanaya is the biggest gay mess and i love and support her attempts to not look gay ( it never works but she is trying her best)

Muse Trust Test!

How much does your muse trust mine? Leave a rating in my ask box and my muse will react to it!

❤❤❤  I trust you with my life. I know you would never hurt me.
❤❤  I could let my guard down and fall asleep in your presence and feel safe.
❤  I think I trust you, but I am still cautious around you.
☰  I am still trying to figure you out. I’m not sure if I can trust you.
💔  Something’s just not right. I’m afraid of you.
💔💔  I’m pretty sure you want to hurt me, and I intend to protect myself.
💔💔💔  The first chance I get, I’m killing you before you kill me.

Or, send ❣⁉ and I will respond with my muse’s rating of their level of trust for yours.

jojo-connoiss3ur  asked:

HM HM, HELLO THERE CJ, I'M JC and welcome to the community 😄!! I peeped your stuff earlier and lemme just say 👌Gewd👌Ish👌Right👌Thar👌 So! May I request some general relationship hcs for Josuke and Okuyasu, pretty please? Thank you~ and if there's any problems with this, feel free to decline

Hi JC!! I can tell we’re gonna get along quite nicely. Thank you for the complement! I’m glad that I’m doing some sort of good with my writing! I hope you like these headcanons!


  • Because he isn’t all too experienced in relationships, he’ll try and ask his mother for advice on dates, how to be romantic, and so on. It’s not that he doesn’t trust going to his friends with this, but knowing his mother probably has the most experience on the topic, she’ll be the person he’ll most rely on. That doesn’t mean he isn’t embarrassed in the progress.
    • “My son is finally growing up! It seems like only yesterday you was my little baby boy, and now you’re dating!”
    • “…Mom, all I asked about was tips on a birthday gift.”
  • Overall, Josuke has no qualms over public displays of affection, as he’s quite affectionate himself. While outside, he’s always wanting to hold your hand or give you the occasional peck on the cheek, while behind closed doors, he’s cuddly and would prefer holding you from behind.
  • As a first date, Josuke will go out of his way to dress up fancily before taking you out for a night on the town. You’ll go get dinner before going on a leisurely stroll, doing pretty much anything you want to do. As for the rest of your dates… They’re mostly at either of your homes, lazing on the couch, playing video-games together.


  • If you think Josuke was clueless, Okuyasu is even more so. He’ll go to both his father and Josuke on how he can act and be a good boyfriend. Josuke will be the one to give him the most cheesiest romance advice, such as bad pickup lines.
    • “Ask them something like, “Hey, do you know what my shirt is made out of?” Then, you grab your shirt before saying “It’s boyfriend material.” They’ll be swooning, I’m sure!”
    • “Bro… You’re a genius!”
  • Like Josuke, Okuyasu has no complaints with showing affection to the public. It’s something he needs to get used to though, knowing he never figured he’d get so far as to having a partner for himself, but he truly welcomes it with open arms.
  • Due to years of experience, Okuyasu is an actually decent cook. You’d spend some dates in the comfort of his home talking, bonding, and probably feeding each other the food he’d make.

I tried making it four headcanons per character, but I ran out of ideas. I don’t know why, but I spend a lot of time finishing headcanons based off of really simple things… I hope you liked these, and feel free to tell me if I messed up, or you want a re-do!

- Admin CJ

Opinion: There’s no way Draal and Nomura’s past relationship was safe from troll politics. A changeling and the Trollhunter’s son? That can’t have been coincidental. One of them was using the other, and even if feelings developed they developed in the midst of a high pressure microcosm of troll/changeling relations. Probably not very pretty. 

Most likely Nomura got ordered to seduce Kanjigar’s son to used as leverage over him, because changelings are clearly expected to use anything they can to get an advantage. (Changelings Are Not Treated Well, news at ten.)  There is a slightly more fun, alternate option that I prefer: Draal, in an attempt to get his dad’s attention, decided to seduce her and figure out Bular’s evil plan, and she went along with it in an attempt to turn it around on him. This would, of course, have quickly devolved into a mutual, very awkward seduce-off as they desperately tried to figure out each other’s secrets and not come down with a case of Forbidden Emotions. 

Either way, it was a hot mess of bad flirting, terrible lying, internalized prejudice, manipulation, very obvious leading questions, and self-worth/parental issues. Strickler, an old hand at the whole seduce-and-destroy thing, was always trying to give unhelpful advice. Both of them attempted to subtly win the other over to the opposing side, only to be sabotaged by their own emotional issues and categorical hatred of one another. Draal couldn’t stop accidentally insulting her. Nomura kept contemplating poisoning him. It probably ended in a lot of screaming and a messy hostage situation. Bular and Kanjigar were there, trying to kill each other. Everyone was disappointed in everyone, and no one was happy. At some point post breakup, Draal got his hands on a grit-shaka and they got into a very loud and very personal shouting match/cut-throat duel at midnight in the parking lot behind an antiques dealership.

anonymous asked:

You should try watching rtte season 4, its actualy pretty good. But im really confused cos you said hicstrid broke up but im sure they didnt? maybe I missed something

oooh, well i’m assuming they broke up prior to rtte. they seemed to be together in a romantic relationship after httyd1 and during the shorts, but for some reason they “broke them up” for rtte?? it’s just weird to me that they would make their relationship fizzle out instead of building on it, like they had the chance to portray a healthy relationship in which they are friends and can act like it without being in your face, like we could have gotten the 5 years of development of their relationship but they break them up? i’m not an avid hiccstrid shipper, but it just seems dumb cause by httyd2 everyone seemed to be like “how are y’all not married yet??” they seemed to be engaged or almost engaged

idk, i think rtte just missed out on a good thing for the sake of dramatics. i might have to watch it, but i aint about the hiccup show and don’t really like where they took it, i am a die hard Dean Deblois gal, all the stuff he did i take as canon cause it’s actually v good!!! and the characters are well rounded!!!! i think i shall watch rtte 4 in a bit, when i can take it for what it is instead of what i hoped it would be ya know?

anonymous asked:

you're too beautiful for this world. even when ppl are directly or inadvertently prejudiced against various gender/racial groups, you just tell people to get rid of the thoughts forced upon them from society and go and be great. you're unreal and give me back faith in people. I hope your day is painless <3

“I hope your day is painless” is honestly so personalized I’m laughing thank you

I appreciate your message, but honestly I’ve been there myself? I used to have some pretty gross ways of looking at things before I dug in and tried to fix them. Anon didn’t come at me hatefully, but their language comes from a place of learned prejudice. I hope they can look at the root of where it comes from and figure out how to move past it.

Basically I used to be a little shithead, now I’m a bit less of a shithead so I try to set a good example for people at least some of the time!! Aaayy 🎉

feenybee  asked:

Heya! Me again. This might sound silly, but if I wanted to draw Mephis in her Flatlander form, would she have ANYTHING distinguishing about her? I know it's already canon that Flatlander ladies pretty much all look alike, but I'm hoping to design Mephis in a way that wouldn't just make her look just like @doodledrawsthings' Flatlander design of Nora. Not having a whole lot of luck so far. Any suggestions?

That’s not silly at all! I’m no artist but I can imagine how hard that is - trying to somehow set apart characters who canonically have no real difference in looks.

The only feature I actually imagined Mephis having to distinguish her from other Flatlanders females is that the pupil was gray instead of black. A bit like Kryptos’ tilted form, I like to think it’s not something SO bad it would get you marked as Irregular or anything, but still somewhat unusual by their standards. 

(As an extra suggestion, maybe something like an item of clothing? Some people are relief on Nora’s necklace to set her apart from Esther, for example. Being of such a low class, Mephis definitely would have had to do the housework by herself, so maybe something like rubber gloves or whatnot?)

anonymous asked:

Hello, since it's canon that Barba didn't have a good relationship with his dad, could do something Barba's s/o having issues with their parents (or just one)? Thank you

I know that feel, too. If you want to talk about crummy parents, hit me up. If for whatever reason you haven’t heard “Fix You,” here is one of my favorites. But the original is pretty good, too.

Rafael knew you’d had a rough day when he came through the door and saw you on the couch, with a glass of wine perched on the coffee table while your unofficial bad day playlist played softly in the background.

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed…”

“What’s wrong, cariño” he asked, setting his briefcase down as he sat next to you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“When you lose something you can’t replace…”

“I’m done. I’m just so fucking done. I’m washing my hands of all of his bullshit,” you replied, putting your face in your hands to wipe away the tears threatening to trickle down your face.

He’s quiet for a moment, giving you the space to find the words that you want to say. While you gather your thoughts, he runs his hand along your arm as you settle against his chest.

“I didn’t even know there was a problem,” you finally say. “I just heard from my brother that I’m so angry at him that I haven’t talked to him for a month. Yet, he can’t be bothered to pick up the phone himself. Not even to text me and ask if I have a problem with him,” you add.

“When you love someone and it goes to waste, could it be worse…”

“I have tried so, so hard to make this work, but I feel like I’m the only one putting in any effort. And I’m so sick of getting blamed for all of his problems because I make a convenient scapegoat,” the words come out a little shaky at first, but build with confidence at the end of your spiel.

“So what do you want to do?” Rafael asks softly. 

You shrug, not quite sure what you want to do.

“The way I see it, you have two options,” he says. “You can call him on this, or you can deny him the satisfaction of starting a fight, which, to be perfectly honest, seems to be what he’s looking for,” he explains.

“Tears stream down on your face, I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes…”

“I’ve told you about my father, and I completely understand how you feel. I want you to know that whatever you decide, both of those options are completely valid, and I will support you in any way I can, no matter what you decide” he says reassuringly.

You take a few minutes to ponder what he’s said. You also think about the pattern that seems to repeat itself, always leaving you feeling guilty for not doing more. For not calling enough, not offering to go to lunch, even for spending time with your mother at the holidays. And you make a decision.

You sit up and reach for your phone, deleting his contact information. Rafael asks if you’re sure.

“I’ve just decided that I don’t want to feel like this anymore, or ever again. So I’m changing. Just like that,” you respond with confidence.

He pulls you close, giving you a warm kiss to the forehead, and offers to order in from your favorite place. You’ve made enough decisions today, and he just wants to make you feel better.

“Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.”


Brandon Novak appreciation!

Novak is still clean, sober and healthy! I’m so incredibly proud of him for doing this and using his past addiction to spread positivity in the world. Everytime I hear about him he’s doing a talk, a speech or visiting an AA or Rehab trying to give his story and inspire current or recovering addicts. His story is amazing, I can’t wait for the updated Dreamseller to come out in march, along with the graphic novel too!

Keep up the good work dude.

If you’re struggling with addiction, reach out to him. He will help you, if he can. He gave his number on Instagram before, I don’t know if he has the same one but you can give him a call if you need it.

(All pretty new photos) 2017

anonymous asked:

Pre-everything and you're already so much prettier and pass so much better than I ever possibly could. I don't understand. It's not fair.

Well, I don’t really pass at all unless I’m wearing makeup and all that.
Keep in mind that you can’t really tell if someone looks passable by pictures alone, since well, those are pretty controlled circumstances. Pretty sure people could tell in real life if they actually looked.

I suppose I’ve been somewhat “lucky”, but passable or not I still have to deal with gender dysphoria. While being passable could be considered unfair I would say that some people being born in the wrong body would be the unfair part.

While I guess it’s unfair that some people are born into the right body and some isn’t, we should try to focus on that we can actually do something about it now rather than being jealous of those who don’t have to go through the same thing. We should just be happy for those people, I sure wouldn’t wish this upon anyone else.

I don’t know, I just feel like I’m rambling without making an actual point by now. But while it sucks dealing with gender dysphoria we should at least try to look on the bright side, in this time and age we can actually do something about it.


Right. We’ll always be together. So, Sho…Find Kan this time.

He’s just like I was back then. Lost. You’re the only one who can stop him. Please find his heart. Kan thinks he’s all alone in the world. He’s crying inside.


I finally put the christmas decor away.

I got the shells in Key Largo, the candles are the favors from the wedding. A container and some sand and boom, its pretty.

Then redid the seasonal decor basket. My owl has some pretty flowers now. I’m trying to convince myself that i need to burn down these candles before I can buy more.

f-ck-itxd  asked:

My mum once saw one of my scars on my upper arm and she seemed to get angry about it. What she doesn't realise is that I've started again and I feel shit every day and I now have two cuts on my arm but one is quite deep and the other is a lot worse and I don't want her to find out but I also want to try and get help but because I'm only 15 I can't on my own. I'd be better off dead.. i just wondered if you had any advice on this. Sorry to bother you

okay so honestly getting help is the best idea, i’m pretty sure you can still go to the doctors alone when you’re 15, though they may have to call your parents if you’re a danger to yourself. but honey my mum was mad when she first found out about my cutting too, i think most parents react in a similar way simply because they’re worried and they don’t understand what you’re going through so they express that with anger. but deep down your mum loves you and will want you to get better so if the doctor does tell her then you just need to be open with her and tell her that you’re ill and you want help. i hope things go well for you sweetheart x