i can suffer on my own

anonymous asked:

What do you mean "Guns for hands for my blog?"

ever since i’ve joined tumblr, and especially as my blog has grown, i’ve become hyper-aware of how much suffering and pain and fear there is. i receive. A lot of messages daily about how people think and feel and want to end their own lives and it honestly breaks my heart. thinking about people going through the same things i am and questioning why they’re alive is part of what keeps me up for nights at a time. i think of my worries and fears and doubts and suffering, amplified by thousands of people, and it’s So Much. i can’t sleep. but i know a lot of you guys can’t either. which is why if you have those thoughts i want you to tell me about it, vent to me, let me be your ears. i encourage you to let it out, and don’t hurt yourselves, because a momentary pain cannot compare to ending your future. and when i say that i care, i really mean it. i really want and need you guys to stay alive for me.

Contradictions

I don’t know what I want. I constantly contradict myself. I want everyone to know that I’m not okay, yet at the same time I’m terrified by the idea of anyone knowing that I’m suffering. I want to escape real life and take a break from living for a while, yet I don’t want to put school on hold. I feel guilty when I do eat, and I feel guilty when I don’t eat. I’ve involved myself in the “recovery community” and I’m always telling people how bad restricting is for your body and mind, but I can’t follow my own damn advice.

Tbh I always thought that the whole “I have eaten the fruit of the land of the death” excuse that Persephone gave her mother was kinda convenient so consider this:

Hades “kidnaps” Persephone, but what he’s really doing is helping his real live actual girlfriend escape the clutches of emotionally abusive/toxic mom Demeter (see “I can’t talk to my daughter for six months so I’m gonna mope and make the rest of the world suffer with me”)

Super clingy mom Demeter shows up and demands her daughter come back with her, using her own emotional stability and the fucking FATE OF THE WORLD as a guilt trip

“I would totally love to mom, but wouldn’t you know it, I ate this one pomegranate seed and as a result I’m stuck here forever so you should probs just leave and forget about me because it looks like I’m dead forev–”

Zeus shows up.

“Nah man, as king of the gods I can totes negate the effect of those pomegranate seeds, and let you go back to the real world with your mom.”

Cue frantic head shaking and silent pleads from Persephone & Hades from behind Demeter’s back for Zeus to shut the fuck up man, that is not the plan. Zeus catches on instantly.

“But only for half the year, because, uh the laws of–you know, biology or some shit?”

The goddess of flowers and the queen of hell quietly contemplates what she will plant on Zeus’s grave after she murders him.

Why Lance Is a Leo, a Pseudo-Discourse:

positive leo traits

  • confident
  • ambitious
  • generous
  • loyal
  • encouraging
  • extravagant

negative leo traits

  • pretentious
  • domineering
  • melodramatic
  • stubborn
  • vain
  • territorial

leos

  • like having an audience
  • prefer not to be alone
  • social butterflies
  • fairly balanced + realistic
  • extremely sensitive but hide it
  • create own drama + excitement
  • love praise
  • can and will suffer in silence
  • will help anyone who needs it
  • self-absorbed but will put friends first

lance is a #leo, my work is done here

Why saving the children for Nami was so important to Sanji

So, this will be a big post, and I still need to learn how to make undercut posts, so be warned. ^^

I always thought there was something more in that scene between Sanji and Nami in Punk Hazard, where he decides to help her save the children. Now I can see it:

Years ago, while Sanji was still a child:

Without knowing it, Nami made him remember what he suffered from his own father with such precision, like she was there. I have no doubts that Oda had already planned Sanji’s past at that point in Punk Hazard, so the fact he chose Nami to say those words to Sanji just makes me really happy, because the cook knows that she will never be like his father, and that’s one more reason to love her:

Oda’s talent is simply amazing, right?

But hey, this was not only important to Sanji. How many times did Oda remind us of Nami wanting to save the children to the point she would refuse to leave the island?

That’s why this overlooked scene is so underrated, look who brings the G-5 marines to help:

A little bit of context: a disaster is about to happen, because Mocha ate all the candy to prevent the other children to consume it. Sanji not only brings the reinforcement, but he also commands the operation:

And he keeps pushing them forward when they are about to falter:

In the end, the children are all safe and we can thank the Strawhats, all of them. But I have no doubts that this event was special to Sanji and Nami. The kindness of Nami’s heart moved Sanji in a very intimate way and, in return, he granted and secured her earnest wish to save the children.

instagram

I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately from women of different ages telling me they suffer from low self esteem and they want to either lose weight or build muscles to have a body they think is going to be more beautiful. The lack of confidence and the disconnection from your own body is something you can take control of. I think that attraction and confidence is not about your weight, or the shape of your body. It’s about how you carry yourself and how you feel as a woman. In my opinion the first step to accepting your body is to experience it fully. My daily training and high intensity workouts is one way of doing that, but there’s more sensual and liberating side of physical exercise that allows for a full immersion in your own body, which I believe could be your cure for low self esteem. Have you ever tried to free yourself when doing yoga moves or stretching? Have you tried to sway your hips or whip your hair while listening to your favourite music? Maybe you haven’t, but before you start to judge that these type of moves are disrespectful to women, and have no place in the fitness world, let me say this: I think that the female body is beautiful and being strong as a woman means accepting and expressing your feminine, and sensual side as well - not suppressing it.
I hope your week is off to a good start!
#women #confidence #selfesteem #motivation #zgym #fitness #stretching #zuzkalight

Made with Instagram

anonymous asked:

"guardian" for kylux? ❤️

It comes on suddenly; the tightness in his gut, the familiar ache that settles over him. It’s not physical pain, but he still suffers. He is behind his desk, arms folded. It steadies him. His glass of whiskey is untouched even an hour after he poured it. The emotions are irrational, he knows this, but he can’t help them in these moments of quiet agony.

He has put everything into his career, been trained to lead men since he was little more than a child. His stormtrooper program had performed to specifications for years, and the defection of one trooper hardly damned it entirely, but Hux can’t eschew the feeling of deficiency. He can’t abide mediocrity, and anything less than complete success is unacceptable.

“To be middling is worse than failure, boy,” his father had told him. “Either excel or fall by the wayside so your betters can rise.”

He rubs his face, breathing shakily. He’s dedicated himself completely to the program, worked tirelessly to realize it, but it’s not enough. He won’t be recognized for its effectiveness, but for this failure. Middling, middling. Even in the face of his rise to the rank of general, of the trust the Supreme Leader puts in him, he’s no more than adequate. It disgusts him, torments him.

A chime announces that he has a visitor. He presses the key to admit them, though he has no desire to see anyone. Ren strides into the room.

“Kylo,” Hux says, weary.

Ren stills, cocking his head slightly. “There’s something troubling you.”

“It’s nothing of consequence.”

Ren raises his hands to his helmet and releases the catches. He lifts it away. “You’re in pain.”

“I told you to stay out of my head.”

“It’s coming off of you in waves. I don’t need to see your mind to feel it.”

Hux sighs. Ren sets his helmet down on the corner of Hux’s desk. He removes his gloves. “Tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. A great deal. Tell me, Hux.”

“I’m unexceptional,” he says. “My work is second-rate. I gave my all and yet it’s not enough.”

Ren regards him steadily. “You expect too much of yourself. Look at what you’ve achieved. Does that count for nothing?”

“There could always be more.”

Ren comes around the side of the desk and kneels at Hux’s side. “Yes, but it can’t be done all at once. And not every aspect of success is determined by how hard you’re willing to work or what abilities you possess. There are elements of chance that you can’t control. You can’t fault yourself for that.” He runs a hand down Hux’s shoulder.

“I know,” says Hux. “And I shouldn’t let that affect me, but it’s difficult to control. This uncertainty is a weakness I have succumbed to in the past as well.”

“You’re permitted weaknesses.”

“I shouldn’t be.”

Ren touches Hux’s face, his fingertips warm. “It will pass, but until it does I’ll stay with you. Come sit on the bed.”

Hux allows himself to be led, and when they sit, Ren wraps his arms around him.

“You’re a good commander,” he says, “capable and admired. Your efforts are appreciated, your talents recognized. I admire you and so do many others. And I will remind you of that as often you need it. I’ll spare you any pain I can.”

Hux rests his head against Ren’s shoulder. “You can’t shield me from my own self-doubt, Kylo.”

“If I have to protect you from yourself, I will. Always.”

Hux turns and presses a brief kiss to Ren’s lips. “I love you.”

Ren holds him close. “And I you.”

Making Art in the Bumps on the Ceiling
laying on my back. staring at the ceiling.
thinking about how there isn’t really anything there,
but when i look for long enough,
and i start to use my imagination,
i can see anything i want to see.

open your mind.


If It Makes You Happy (cover) - Fidlar
VCR - The XX
You’re So Cool - Hans Zimmer
I Was Made For You - Rivers Cuomo
Suns and Lovers - Nothing
Bored to Death - Blink-182
Laying on my Floor - Adult Mom
The Sound of my Ceiling Fan - Diarrhea Planet
So Sad, So Sad - Varsity
Bad Art & Weirdo Ideas - Beach Slang
Cool Slut - Chasity Belt
Art School Wannabe - Sorority Noise
You’re So Cool - Nicole Dollanganger
Salad Days - Mac Demarco
Overflow - Bootleg Rascal
Sunday - Earl Sweatshirt feat. Frank Ocean
Suffering - Pill Friends
Ideal World - Girlpool
Be Your Own 3am - Adult Mom

{listen here}

anonymous asked:

When have you experienced God?

I’m always hesitant to use the word experience because I have multiple encounters. I’ve had moments when I’ve had an inkling that there might be a God, but I went straight back to my life of sin and suffering.

I can pinpoint my first genuine experience with God, that was my freshman year of college when I was walking back from this guy’s dorm room in the dead of night. I walked across the main part of campus and started to sob because I wondered if this is all life was-temporary fixes to a problem and constant pain. I wondered if there is a God, He wouldn’t want me-a girl so wrapped up in her own sins and thrown away by men like a penny in a parking lot.

My conversion came when I sat in a chapel in silence and actually prayed. God if you’re there/if you’re real I know I don’t want to live this way anymore but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix myself because every time I try to slap on a bandaid, it comes right off and I end up with a deeper wound. So show me. I want to be healed, and I’m tired of running away from You.

And in those moments He said, finally. Finally you come home. I love you, you’ve messed up and run so far away from me but I still love you. My love isn’t like the love you’ve been given, let me show you what true love is.

However, I went back to that one sin and continued to live the hook up lifestyle I was addicted to.

It wasn’t until a very bad date, that I realized I had to surrender that part of my life over to Him finally. So with tears in my eyes, I sat in my shame finally letting the last shards of glass that I held onto to Him.

I have moments of conversion, deeper conversation every day.

Every single day He shows me what love is, a love so depthless and unyielding that love prompts me to come to him every single day.

I had to learn what love wasn’t- it wasn’t being constantly pushed down or told to be quiet. It wasn’t the bruises left behind, the money I spent on make up to cover it up, or the flowers after every bad argument with an ‘I love you, I’m sorry.’

I found God in my pain, He interrupts my moments of suffering with incredible amounts of grace and mercy. I experience Him every day of my life-in others hearts, at His feet in prayer, pinning my pains-my sins to His cross, and in the silence of my heart when I listen.

Sending much love and prayers.

anonymous asked:

Im detached from this world in fear. I need closer from my abuse in the past. My kins are beginning to suffer from my own (hosts) trauma and past abuse. the PTSD freaks them out. I cant afford the copay much less the whole deal for therapy. Im going to emotionally detach myself for a few years until i can. i just hope my kins will be okay.

I’ve been debating doing this for ages now and today I just thought, “fuck it”. I’ve been underweight, I’ve been overweight and now I’m glad I’m at a place in my life where I feel confident and like I’m not constantly looking at the scales. I used to suffer badly with bulimia and had a huge phobia of certain foods, I would binge and then throw up and have to go to the doctors to get nutrient shots because I kept fainting. I have stretch marks, my own personal tiger stripes that make me a survivor and an instinctive one. I have cellulite, and despite what the ads tell you, no amount of nip and fab can change that. But now when I look in the mirror, I see a confident woman that knows her worth and won’t settle for anything less than she deserves. I work hard on my body, I do yoga like a nut and I eat a lot of steak. I wear a waist trainer two days a week to correct my posture because my boobs weigh my whole body down. But I love myself, and it’s taken me a long time to. P.s how cute is this alien crop top? 🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

Juvia’s death, Gray’s feelings

Gray pretty much made it indirectly clear that he has feelings for Juvia to a point that he’s more than just friends with her. He would rather commit suicide than live without Juvia, this what lovers do. They can’t live without their own soulmate.  the feels are so hard in this one. Even though Juvia isn’t to go die, it’s still so emotional and tragic. My heart broken when I saw Gruvia commit suicide. Gray has lost so many loved ones, so stop constatly putting him in pain Trollshima, bring Juvia back quick! He’s the one who always suffers in most arcs. Please stop doing this to him!!!!! He needs and deserves happiness!!!

me @ 1:00 a.m. jus mindin my own bizz: wh y am I such a hoe for this long legged huge trench coat wearing mummy ass idiot with really sweet hair why @ God why did u make me like this I am suffering and it never ends literally like what did he even do to make me so hot n bothered I can’t underst

dell-the-human  asked:

Aww no, you being there for them is good enough! You don't need to say that dec!

… Pal… Have you only a slight idea of what is it ? Being so limited that all you can do is watch people you care about suffering ? I’ve seen it so much… too much… I wish I can help and do way much more then that ! 

Yusebi doesn’t come to see me anymore, DeS is stuck fused with a psychopathic kid… Asy, Ice, Vibe… They all deal with so much mess… And I can’t even help… I can’t even fix my own… eh…

Angel baby.

Summary: You’re pregnant with Daryls baby but suffer a miscarriage.
Warnings: Swearing, angst, miscarriage.

A/N: The request asked for the reader to be pregnant and suffer the same thing as Maggie, but I’m not quite sure what’s exactly wrong with her so I did it as a miscarriage. I personally suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby so I used my own personal experience to write this. Please don’t read if these things can be triggering for you.

You lay in bed with Daryl, his head at your stomach and talking to it. You felt so happy, Daryl seemed so excited to be a dad. You didn’t know exactly how far along you were, somewhere around 10 weeks. Most morning’s when you woke up, Daryl was talking to the little bean inside your tummy, and it warmed your heart.
“Ya the size of an olive now lil jelly bean.” He chuckled, referencing one of the baby books he had read that tell you the size of the baby as a fruit. You smiled at the affectionate nickname he had been using for your baby since the moment you found out and played with his hair.

Keep reading

I’ve never told anyone i was diagnosed w several mental illnesses last year so ppl assume that I’m the healthy one (my sister is on a medical leave from her school for threatening suicide in the spring) and my mom has blamed me non stop for it and if my sister skips a meal or sleeps in my mom freaks out on me and says things like “you’d rather take a drug addict to work then help your own sister” (…because our neighbor has problems but she needed to go to an interview) and I’ve been getting worse but quietly and I’m afraid I’m gonna do something but I honestly can’t tell anyone I see how my sister suffers from ppl like my mom who think she can be cured like I should have asked for help years ago but right now I just need summer to be over

anonymous asked:

I'm afraid that I will ever miss my scars if they started to fade..

TRIGGER WARNING.
Honey at first you might miss them. I missed them, I still miss them sometimes. But I don’t need scars, I have suffered enough, I still suffer but hurting my own body, won’t change anything. It won’t make my life better and they won’t make your life better either. I want you to know that you can talk to me if you feel like hurting yourself. I am here for you, you are loved x