i can still hear my heart in my ears

I will never talk to you I promised but I still wish you whisper behind my ears, say those sweet words I always wanted to hear, listen to those story of your childhood dream. Can I break this promise cause it breaks my heart not talking to you and keeping this dead silence in between.
Extinguish my sight, and I can still see you;
plug up my ears, and I can still hear;
even without feet I can walk toward you,
and without mouth I can still implore.
Break off my arms, and I will hold you
with my heart as if it were a hand;
strangle my heart, and my brain will still throb;
and should you set fire to my brain,
I still can carry you with my blood.
—  Rainer Maria Rilke - from The Book of Hours

unicorn8998  asked:

I keep swinging between manic and about to cry back to manic and back to about to cry and I think my friends are worried and I keep telling them I'm okay but I don't think they're convinced? lol I wish I was a robot then I'd have an off switch. Do... do you have an off button Saeran? Also, Saeyoung!!! Do those goggles mean you can fly?

Saeyoung: Oh no, oh no! I hope you’re feeling alright!

Saeran: I'̨m ҉not ͡a ̡r͏ob͟ot.̴ I̡t j̸u͘s͟t s͜ȩe͡ms t̛hat̀ ͜pàr̵ts̛ ͢o͝f͏ ͡my bod̶y͡ háv́e͡ ̷bee̡n ́r̕e͞pļac̡e̷d͜ ̡wíth ̨m͏ȩc̶h̢anic̸s…

Saeyoung: Same with me, but it’s just my arm! I guess Saeran’s vocal cords are messed up and his eye and ear are robotic now. His heart is still human! Hear it beating? Thump thump! ♥

Saeran: It ͢wo̧uld ̀b̀e ͟nice if͘ ҉I had ̛a̵n ̀o̧f͞f̸-swit͡c̨h, ̛tha͢t͜ wa҉y̕ I̶ would̵n’t ha͠ve̕ to l̸i̧ste̢n t̢o th͢is̷ id̛io͝t̶.͞

Saeyoung: Nehh! Meanie. And these goggles aren’t for flight, they’re for inventing! Apparently I’m a mechanic now! So I need to protect my eyes when I’m tinkering with stuff.

if you sneeze in a methadone clinic
ain’t nobody gonna bless you
cause our god is dead
yet still very much alive

our god is in little tiny pills crushed
and cut into pastel colored lines
right up the nose
or dropped in a spoon
our god is in little baggies of brown
or white or black or gray
cut into bitter beautiful lines
right up the nose
or dropped in a spoon

our god is dead yet still very much alive
i know this because i get into bed with him every night
i see him every time i glance at the veins in my arms
i hear him whispering in my ears every minute of every single fucking day

most days he’s screaming

our god is very much alive
and im cursed to worship him as long as my heart’s got blood to fill my veins
you can sneeze in a methadone clinic
but dont expect any blessings

Part two

I had no words,
I couldn’t fathom what I was feeling.
We both had a mutual understanding of what’s going on.
I was cold, down to the bone. And even though every part of me wanted him to pull me close, I stayed still.
He was quiet, while I was still trying to catch my breath.
I haven’t heard him in a while, yet I can still hear his voice ringing in my ears.
He feels broken. Broken because of his own problems? Broken because of how he feels? Broken because he can’t hold on any longer? Broken because of me? My heart was numb, but feelings still shot through me, stinging and burning. I can’t bare to think I’d how he felt. I caught his eyes, they were light and tired. I swear that is eyes could hold galaxies, I could spend my life in those eyes. A tear slipped out of his eye, and I couldn’t help but cringing. I turned away from him, not being to stand the sight. He grabbed my arm, pulling me to him and igniting sparks on my skin. I faced him, his face was full of sadness, full of regret. A tear left my eye, seeing them streaming from his.l He pulled my face to his, and kissed me. With tears still streaming, i tried to convey everything that I felt. I pulled back, and said the only words that filled my mind. And his reply came right back.
“I’ll always love you”

—  A.P
Absent Minded

Soon I won’t cross your mind
when you roll over in bed and
I’m not there to meet your soft cheek.
Soon you won’t see me when
you close your eyes and think of
our intimate moments.
As J. J. cries, cover your eyes
because it can’t hurt forever
when I’m out of your life.
This is for your peace of mind
when it comes to removing memories
of me leaning in between your sighs and
staring into your flirty eyes.
Soon you won’t hear my voice because
the band doesn’t play in your heart
the way it jams in mine for you.
And when that day comes you won’t know
that you still cross my mind at night.
That I still hear your sweet voice and
your strong beating heart remains in my ear.
Because of all the things we said and did,
the words we avoided were “I love you”.
And that’s what hurt us the most.

~ Medicine Mask Poet

My friend told me to move on. I asked him why? Does he not want me? You know him better than me if you know he doesn’t want me than I’ll move on. He couldn’t say out loud he doesn’t want you Linda. But inside I knew, he was just sparing my feelings. I don’t know how to move on when my heart is broken and my ears can still hear his heartbeat from laying in his chest as I sleep. But nowadays I lie awake in bed thinking of him sleeping peacefully and I’m sure he’s doing just fine while I’m here heart broken awake for days knowing he’s talking to everyone but me. My friend told me to move on. Our friend told me to move on but I adore you I can’t lose you.

Today at SLFL St. Paul the crowd screamed for 4 minutes and 32 seconds before Jet Black Heart. The crowd was so loud that when Michael tried to start he couldn’t because nobody could hear him. He looked sad and serious at the beginning, like he was taking it all in, and then he took out his ear things and gave us the biggest smile ever, because he has 20,000 people screaming as loud as they possibly can for him. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and it probably meant the world to him. I hope he knows you mean the world to me.

I don’t know who I am,
or what I will be.
My identity is a whirlwind
of mismatched personalities,
snippets of people and stories I have read.
But I am tired of being 
a hodgepodge of hopes and dreams
that never came to being. 
I want a crystal clear image
of the girl thought up by the Creator,
a girl unafraid of what lies ahead.
I want my life to be more than Pinterest boards
and Tumblr aesthetics (but keep the flowers).
I want concrete, even if it’s still drying in the sun.
I want castles and swords, 
and this war raging inside of me 
to end at the sight of a white flag. 
I don’t know who I am,
and the water is rapidly rising.
I know my time is running out,
I can hear the ticking like I hear the beat
of my heart thumping in my ears at night.
I want to be magnificent.
I want people to stop in their tracks and notice me,
but I also want to be invisible, floating by.
This life of mine is a Wizard of Oz-sized tornado, 
and I am watching it all dance around me.
I want the dust to settle so I can pick
up the pieces and see what they make.
—  a.k. // june twenty eight

It’s not your fault. That I flinch when we talk. Any of you.

That my heart doesn’t settle even when I hear the words: "Don’t apologize, you’re fine.“ 

It’s not your fault that I live in fear. It’s ghosts. I hear them howling in the hallways of words in the past. 

"Selfish. Dark. Too much. I’m sorry I can’t handle you. I promise I won’t leave." 

Lies, ringing in my ears. I know, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. I reach for reassurance and no matter how many times it falls from people’s lips I still shiver and shake and quake like the earth knocking down the foundation of my bones. 

That people have my trust locked away and I can’t reach it. I can’t pull it from inside my heart and offer it. It’s not gentle. It’s not soft. It trembles. My trust has faded to the point of almost nonexistence. 

I’ve misplaced it in one too many hands who held a knife to my throat. A fist around it, suffocating the life from me. I’ve had it repeat, repeat, repeat like a skipping record. I fear. I fear. I fear. 

Warm smiles turn to snake like grins. Bright eyes turn to blurry faces. I’m sorry is all I can say. I’m sorry. I want to trust you. I want to believe in my soul that someone can be gentle and not crush it between their finger tips. 

I just don’t want to deal with the storm that washed away everything I had ever known. I don’t want to have it scare you away as it does with everyone. 

Five months ago I had my trust thrown out the window and I followed it. Falling and falling and falling til I hit the ground. I’ve spent too long picking up the pieces to have it happen again. I can’t handle that so soon after this. 

I’m sorry.

—  trust issues
dean/cas fic: lonely winds will call my name (3.5k, nsfw)

pre-episode fic: 3.5k, nsfw, spoilers for the 10x19 stills.

Dean roughs up a demon in once scene: warnings for less-than-canon-typical violence.

[AO3]

Now you know how much my love for you
burns deep in me
when I forget about our emptiness,
and deal with shadows as with solid things.

– Dante Alighieri, Purgatorio

+

“I’m the only one that can save them,” Rowena says, her throat fluttering beneath Dean’s hand. He can feel her heart beating, hear it under the blood rushing in his ears. “What’s it going to be… hero?”

Dean leans into her a little, smiles with his teeth at the way she tenses, at the soft, frightened breath she takes. It would be so easy to push the knife in, to let it glide through the thin skin below her chin.

“Fix them,” he says instead. He backs off a step, but he slides the knife down past her collarbone, digs the point into the red sigil curling above the neck of her dress. The Mark is screaming on his arm. “Now.”

+

He hits the john again after Crowley leaves, stares at the mirror until he doesn’t recognize his own face, watches his eyes flicker between green and black until Donnie bangs on the door, asks if he fell in.

The smell of sulfur stings his nose, burns the back of his throat.

Keep reading

What’s in your mind?
What’s in your heart?
I am curious
Can’t see it apart
I’m half amazed
I’m part astonished
That there are still people
Who can replenish
My soul’s hunger
For deeper meaning
From all the bullshit
My ears are hearing
I’m part amazed
I’m half astonished
I’m also grateful
I also cherish
The mind you have
The words you speak
I’ll await your voice
For days and for weeks.
—  dericktor
Accident {LH}

As my phone rings, I race around the room trying to find where it is and cursing Luke for not handing it back to me. Just as I grab it, the ringing stops. It starts up four seconds later, Ashton’s name flashing across the screen. I slide my finger across the screen and place the phone to my ear as I move towards the kitchen to grab my coffee off the counter.
“Hey Ash, what’s up?” I ask, bringing my coffee cup to my lips.
“Luke’s been in an accident.” Ashton replies hastily. I feel my heart skid to a stop before sinking into my stomach, my face draining of colour. Ashton’s still speaking but I can barely hear him speaking over the ringing in my ears and the faint sound of something smashing. Somehow through the ringing in my ears, my name falling from Ashton’s lips catches my attention.
“Accident?” I ask. Panic starts to flood my system. “What kind of accident Ashton?”
“Hit and run. We were all standing on the side of the street, waiting for the lights to change and this guy was driving past superfast and then at the last minute, just as Luke stepped forward, he swerved and it all happened so fast.” The calm facade that he had before is gone and I can hear his voice cracking. I feel myself swaying and automatically reach for the bench, my blood running cold. My stomach churns and I feel everything I’ve eaten today threaten to come back up. Swallow thickly, I hold it down and take a deep breath. Ashton’s still talking about what happened, something about ambulance and police, paparazzi could’ve caught the number plate. I don’t realise I’m crying until a sob falls past my lips and my knees give out, sending me crashing to the ground.  I’m not even aware that Ashton’s handed the phone to someone else until Michael’s voice fills my ears.
“He’s going to be okay darling, we’re on our way.” He coo’s to me as another sobs racks my body. “Ashton.” He growls. “Drive faster.” In the background I hear the car accelerate and Michael murmurs things I’m not particular listening to through the phone. Car doors slam. I hear them through the phone and coming outside, though the ones through the phone are louder. The front door opens and shuts as my phone collides with the floor and a split second later, Michael’s dropping to the floor in front of me.
“I’ve got you.” He tells me, pulling me into his lap. There’s no Calum and I search frantically for the puppy-like boy. “He’s okay. He’s with Luke. We’ve just come to get you.” Michael murmurs. Ashton appears by my side a moment later, holding a sweater. Looking down, I realise that I landed in coffee. Michael doesn’t seem to care that his pants are now coffee soaked.
“Calum’s alone with Luke?” I ask, Michael’s previous words sinking in. I tug off my shirt, the boys covering their eyes while I quickly switch. Ashton’s given me Luke’s sweater and I pull the sleeves over my hands before shakily climbing to my feet.
“Liz is with him.” Ashton answers, holding his hand out. I take it, letting him lead me to the car and slipping in the backseat. It’s silent as we drive to the hospital; no one speaks, there’s no radio playing. I stare out the window, tears rolling down my cheeks.
When we arrive, I’m out of the car before Ashton’s even stopped with Michael right behind me. The oldest boy nods and Michael bolts for the doors as I follow behind him. He leads me up the way he must’ve come before and eventually we come to a waiting room. Calum and Liz sit on plastic chairs, Styrofoam cups in their hands. When they spot us, they’re on their feet. Ashton joins us a moment later.
“He’s awake and their doing tests.” Liz tells us as I reach for Calum. He lets my fingers wrap around his arm and places a gentle kiss to the side of my head. “I don’t know how but it’s not life threatening. Just a few broken ribs.”
A sigh of relief falls past my lips and if I wasn’t holding onto Calum, I’d probably sink to the floor. A collective sigh comes from the other boys and Michael offers me a weak smile, Ashton squeezes my shoulder and I finally take the time to hug Liz.
“Police are with the paps, they said least one of them had to get the number plate.” Liz continues.
After about half an hour, one of Luke’s doctors come out. He tells Liz how he’s stable and a few injuries may prevent him from touring for a few weeks causing all the boys to shrug and tell him they’ll take time off. When he says we go in and see him, I’m moving before I can ask who wants to go first.
When I enter the room, Luke’s lying down, and his eyes are narrowed at the roof. He’s hooked up to machines and wires, one of the heart monitors on his finger.
“Hey rockstar.” I sigh, walking to the edge of the bed and brushing his hair out of his face. I lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like I just got hit by a car.” He responds, grinning lazily at me. Michael snorts from behind me.
I glare at him. “If you ever scare me like that again, I’m going to hit you with a car.”

*Fake smile*
By Teodora Popescu
I smile in foggy dawns
Able to hide a withered soul
I hide with pain of the world
Waiting of a swalowed kiss.

I smile in the shadow thy your kiss
Which I keep as ay jewel rare
Into the warm fogg of my soul
I`m waiting you wipe me a bitter tear.

I smile into the sea of sorrow
Breathless into an emotions hurricane
As longer I`m still alive
I try to keep my senses untouched.

I smile when my ears can`t hear
And the silence is to strong and hurts
When my whooms will never get healed
And the pain won`t hurts.

I smile when I close my eyes
And I hear my senses shouting
I hear a heart biting in whispers
And my soul crying restless.

Put out my eyes, and I can see you still;
slam my ears to, and I can hear you yet;
and without any feet can go to you;
and tongueless, I can conjure you at will.
Break off my arms, I shall take hold of you
and grasp you with my heart as with a hand;
arrest my heart, my brain will beat as true;
and if you set this brain of mine afire,
upon my blood I then will carry you.
—  Rainer Maria Rilke Poems from the Book of Hours
I can still hear the music
it is ringing in my ears
the soothing piano
echoing in my mind
and I cry,
because you are not here
sitting beside me
on the bench
playing all by ear
concentrated in the music
with your hands
dancing over the keys
almost not noticing me
where I sit beside you
and enjoying the sight before me
but yeah,
that was before
and now I can only hear
our melody in my mind
feel how it resonates within my soul
how it pulls on my heart strings
and I cry in the surrounding silence
while remembering the music of the past
—  Celtic-Poetry, Remembering the past