The cameras make a habit of getting a LIL TOO CLOSE to Viktor and Yuuri because the mics sometimes pick up what they say to each other before skating or in the Kiss & Cry, and audiences eat that shit up. There are people who watch ISU events like it’s the Viktor&Yuuri Show, and the sports channels know it
TUNE IN FOR THE NIKIFOROV-KATSUKI VARIETY HOUR, the advertisements practically blare.
Viktor can often be heard composing what sounds like literal on-the-spot poetry. (”You are my sun and stars and I will love you until I’m in the ground–”) Much of this is to calm Yuuri down before he skates. Most viewers assume that he writes this shit down somewhere but people who know Viktor understand it to be just the shit that literally is always coming out of Viktor’s mouth.
“Oh,” Yuuri says while they’re waiting for Viktor’s scores one time. He hasn’t put his glasses back on yet and is kind of just staring, unfocused, into the nebulous distance. “I forgot to call Minako and wish her a happy birthday.”
(“YEAH YOU DID,” Minako growls at the television back in Hasetsu. Hiroko pats her back. She just turned fifty. She’s sensitive.)
“Well, you’re dead now,” Viktor says, picking fuzz off his costume. “It was nice knowing you. I’ll never forget you.”
“Will you move on from me?” Yuuri asks. All of this is completely deadpan as they squint at the scoreboard. Yakov is on Viktor’s other side, rolling his eyes.
“No. I’ll roam the halls of our empty home, wailing for my lost love. When I die, I’ll continue to haunt the place where I was once happy. They will call me the Silver Spectre. Once or twice a year, Americans will come and try to film me. I’ll scream into their camera equipment and carve the words triple axel into the hardwood.”
“Please not the hardwood, Vitya.”
They find out that most ISU programming isn’t actually put on a delay during the 2018 Worlds, when Viktor and Yuuri are congratulating each other on winning gold and silver and the cameras pick up Viktor saying, “When we get home, I’m going to bend you over the table and–”
“LOVING WORDS FROM VIKTOR NIKIFOROV-KATSUKI TO HIS HUSBAND,” screams the commentator, whose producer is currently bellowing abort abort into his left ear. “LET’S GO TO PAULA WHO’S TALKING TO BRONZE MEDALIST YURI PLIS–OKAY, NEVER MIND. HAHA, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES! WE’RE CUTTING TO COMMERCIAL.”
‘Technical difficulties’ is Yuri punting a tiger plush so hard towards Viktor that it knocks him backwards and into the backdrop for the Kiss & Cry.
“This used to be an ELEGANT SPORT,” Yakov growls. He looks to Lilia, whose expression is suspiciously toothy. “Are you laughing at this, Lilya?”
“How dare you accuse me of such a thing,” Lilia replies.