i can kill someone with these

And there was nothing poetic about wanting to kill myself and writing so many suicide notes in my head explaining how sorry I was for the things I did not become. There was nothing poetic and beautiful about crying myself to sleep every night for the past 5 years hoping someone would care enough to save me. No one saved me. No one was going to save me because there is nothing poetic about thinking you can’t be saved. There is nothing poetic about staring at a blank wall for an entire day or smiling and laughing the next and having people think “oh she’s fine.” There was nothing poetic and beautiful about trying to take my own life. There is nothing poetic and beautiful about my mother having a panic attack every time I have a bad day and lock my door. There is nothing poetic and beautiful about me not taking my pills because I don’t know who I am without this sadness. There is nothing poetic and beautiful about having depression and wishing you were dead. There was nothing poetic and beautiful about my depression or anyone else’s depression nor will there ever be anything beautiful and poetic about it.
—  Fuck anyone that says it’s beautiful//Deeply Feeling Series

anonymous asked:

How realistic is it for the retired agent/spy/assassin to come back and kick just as much butt as they did years before? Does such training come back to you easily if you haven't used it in a long while or will you be rusty enough to get killed?

Parts of this are realistic, others not so much.

If you’ve spent enough time training techniques, this stuff gets baked into the way you move. It’s not, “oh, I’ll do this to someone;” it’s just there. Training can also affect how you look at the world; this is true as a general statement on life, but it also applies here. Again, as with muscle memory, this is always there, always affecting how you view your surroundings and the people in them.

So, in that sense, yes. A veteran character coming back after years away from the job will still have their skills and training. Some of that will be rusty, but this stuff sticks with you. Especially if you were maintaining your training for years. That said, they’ll still get their teeth kicked in.

Ironically, one of the more realistic takes I’ve seen on this was in the middle seasons of 24. In the early seasons, the protagonist, Jack Bauer, is a federal counterterrorist agent. After the third season he’s basically on his own, and no longer a part of the agency that trained him. By the fifth season (about 3 years later) he’s at a point where he’s getting his ass handed to him by a security guard.

The problem is something we’ve explained, repeatedly. Hand to hand combat is not static. The training I got 20 years ago doesn’t apply now. It will work against untrained opponents. Basic physiology doesn’t change. However, going up against opponents who’ve been keeping their training up to date, (or are some of the people responsible for updating the techniques in the first place), is not going to end well.

Something I know we haven’t discussed on this subject is how this updating happens. It requires contact with people who are actually using their training practically. Seeing what people are doing isn’t something that you can do sitting on a mountain top. You need to actually be immersed in the community. You look for how people are adapting to the techniques you’re training others in, and look for ways to get around those counters.

In the case of law enforcement, one major source if intelligence to guide updates is watching what criminals are teaching each other in prison. Career criminals will look for ways to counter police hand to hand, and once they have that, will (usually) share it with people they work and/or socialize with.

A veteran coming in after years away may be able to execute their training perfectly, and still get taken down by a rookie who received their training last year, because they were trained to counter the veteran’s approach.

Updating is about looking for the things that are most prevalent, and finding ways to defend against them. It’s very likely your veteran will understand this concept. Whether that affects their behavior is more of a characterization question.

Incidentally, this doesn’t just apply to hand to hand, it’s also a relevant concept when you’re talking about things like tradecraft.

Tradecraft is the shorthand for techniques used in intelligence gathering. It’s (somewhat) all encompassing. So, anything from social engineering to dead drops or even the way you set up surveillance could be lumped in under this header.

Just like hand to hand training, this stuff does go out of date. Usually once someone’s actually exploited a method and gotten caught doing it. Though, sometimes it’s preventative.

The irony is, when it comes to being a spy, the biggest problem is being a veteran, not being out of practice. It’s being a veteran. When a spy starts their career, no one knows who they are, they have no reputation, they’ve never turned up in strange places, they’re just someone walking around, taking in the sights, maybe doing a job for some NGO.

Even if a spy is never caught, as they work, their name will start ending up on desks, in lists of witnesses, employees, or whatever. Once is not a pattern, but as their name keeps coming up over the years, it becomes easier to identify them. Potential enemies start keeping files, and gradually filling them with what they know. This means it is much harder for a veteran spy to operate in the field undetected, than it is for a rookie.

There’s a similar issue for assassins. Either they’re a complete ghost, no one knows who they are, and may not even believe they ever existed, or (more likely), if they were working for a government (or any other large, overt organization, like a corporation), they’re in the same boat as a veteran spy. People may not know your character is an assassin, but they will know that they worked for someone. Which in turn, will put them on guard, and make your character’s life much harder.

There are concepts a veteran will have internalized, which someone without training won’t understand or grasp. Thing that just don’t go out of style. For example, bullets will blow through most residential walls and furniture. So, if someone’s taking cover behind a couch, kitchen wall, or car door, it’s far more expedient to simply shoot through whatever’s in your way. Another concept is one I’ve mentioned recently, you reload when you have the time, not when you’ve run your gun dry.

Similarly, experience they’ve learned from may still be relevant. Being able to read someone’s intentions, know when they’re about to resort to violence, or simply knowing the value of good intelligence aren’t going to go away because your character spent the last five years pretending to be a well-adjusted human being.


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I saw them reporting about the bombs in Manchester yesterday evening on TV when nothing really was sure yet, and I naively thought it was not a big deal and probably just false alarm. I should have known better after the shit show that’s been happening in the past two or three years or so.

I’m absolutely devastated, as many other concert goers. Concerts are a place of pure excitement and happiness for most people, me included. I can’t imagine feeling what they must have felt when they realised someone was trying to kill them, after they’ve just had the time of their lives with their peers.

What hits me even more is that it was children and teenagers who were directly targeted. Nobody deserves to die an unnecessary death like this but you have to be a special kind of asshole to attack defenseless and innocent children and teenagers in this cowardly attack, it’s nothing if not disgusting and the people responsible for this atrocity have revoked their right to be treated like human beings. They’re vermin, little disgusting vermin.

I’ve already seen people downplaying this, saying that “in order to be strong we have to move on”, but I couldn’t disagree more. If we are afraid that mourning makes us look weak, we have already lost. By just moving on we accept this as a normal part of our lives, which it isn’t. This is not our culture, this is not acceptable and we won’t be cowering away because of what they might do.

Am I scared and concerned? Yes. Am I going to stop going to concerts? No. And anyone who thinks their own terrible actions will make me stop going out and enjoying life can go fuck themselves.

My thoughts are with the victims of this tragedy and their loved ones, and with Ariana Grande who had to find out people who went to this venue to see her perform, to share this moment with her and every other fan, were hurt and killed by someone so hateful. It’s just heartbreaking.

Alright, who’s ready to get emotional over Until Dawn again, because I just realized something.

I don’t think Beth Washington died immediately.

When Sam and Mike find Hannah’s journal in the mines, the first entry tells us that the fall killed Beth, leaving Hannah alone and trapped. The fall killed her, not she died in the fall. And the next sentence? I watched the color drain from her face. The blood draining from someone’s face is something that happens immediately after death, since the blood stops circulating as soon as the heart stops pumping it, and Hannah saw this happen. Considering the fact that she seemed to be in pretty bad shape herself directly after the fall, looking stunned or unconscious in the close-up of them lying there, we can probably assume that she wouldn’t have been able to sit/stand and see Beth (who fell behind her) for a while after that.

Beth’s injuries from the fall may have killed her, but everything points to this being somewhat drawn-out rather than instant. Hannah had to actually watch the moment life drained out of her little sister. What if she was conscious? What if she had the chance to say something to Hannah before she died, to comfort her or make an ‘if I don’t make it’ speech? What if Hannah was holding her, trying to tell her it would be okay? Why does my heart hurt so much? 

The underage and KS

A kid reading ks…
Just the fact that a child/someone under age can get into something or a site that isn’t rated or for them. Is the fault of their parents. Computers, Phones, and some sites have Parental Control for a reason. I’m am not nor is anyone in the fandom at fault… If this content isn’t something parents want their kids to see. They should keep an eye on what their kids are doing on the internet more. The internet isn’t a babysitter. Nor are the people using it.

anonymous asked:

i'm sitting here crying bc this hits close you know? we all go to concerts and that could've and can be any of us. so many innocent people were killed and injured and traumatized. this makes me so scared for harrys concerts. such s small place. what if it happens again? what if at every concert someone tried to blow up the place? god i feel sick

I know, I’m so scared for all the people I know now. We can’t live in fear, but god this hits too close. I hope you feel better, anon. I’m sharing the same feeling and my heart is so broken right now thinking of all the happiness that was taken from this fans because of such a inhuman act </3 

anonymous asked:

So i have very mixed feelings regarding the yank skill (Rescue?)because it's going to save lives in the hands of those of us that care, but i feel like it's also going to be a horrible horrible tool for assholes (or just us getting very angry at that BLM failing to dodge yet again) to kill people with like in That Other MMO. What are your thoughts on this and ways for SE to prevent that from being a thing?

Semi long recast time. Can’t use unless you’re on the hate list of the enemy. Short (10y) range. They’ll fix or remove it if it gets abused obviously. It’s natural people will get weh about it because it basically gives us the power to force the person we target to dodge which is what I’d be using it for (that and helping someone who isn’t fast enough dodge upon their spell completion). It a troll skill waiting to happen. Like Fluid Aura and frankly I like it. The most evil thing I’d use it for would be to get hate on enemies while an over zealous tank is pulling and yank their ass back if they think they’re gonna get away with over pulling when I’m not prepared.

– Mod Mhi

anonymous asked:

did you know that a teardrop tattoo under the left eye signifies the wearer was in a gang/has killed people

I would also like to add that there are other meanings to said tattoo, such as having lost a loved one or showing solidarity for someone who did go to prison. And more than anything, in this day and age, I’d say that disambiguation is rampant and people can appropriate their own meanings to it.

Moreover the meaning of certain tattoos change geographically and knowing SU draws from a lot of cultures I wouldn’t immediately ascribe this one meaning, especially as different things come to mind for different people!

I hope this helped. :)

Okay. I had a theory. And it’s coming from my X-Files knowledge. There’s an episode where Skinner literally has a kill switch inside of him. Do anything the bad guys don’t want, instant death. Well, suffering first, then death.

What’s the literal only reason anyone can think of for Jane to leave? She has to. She can’t say anything to Kurt. She can never go back. Let’s just posit for a second that someone else is in control of her now, and she literally had no choice. There’s a kill switch in her, and if she ever goes back - boom. Jane’s a goner. Try to tell Kurt? Dead. It would account for Gero reassuring us that we’re not starting over from scratch with Jeller, and it would keep Jane from looking like she didn’t learn her lesson about keeping things from Kurt.

I mean, I’m probably talking out of my ass here but. I think it’s as good a theory as any. Someone wanted them separated, and now someone needs them back together.

anonymous asked:

What makes you want to kill someone?

Any number of things, really. I’ve had some people try to fight me over stupid things and I go a little too far every now and again. Or they just piss me off somehow. I never really plan anythin’ out, just happens.

It’s not all morally horrible though, I’ve had a couple times where it was someone who was tryin’ to harm someone weaker than them in one way or another. I’ve had a few people who were tryin’ to kill me first. That never works out well for them, kinda hard to kill someone who can’t die just yet.

I keep breaking down. I really can’t believe that 19 people are dead. every time I stop crying, I go back onto twitter or tumblr and I just see it all again and I break down. ariana is hurting. fans are hurting. their families are hurting. I am hurting. all of us are hurt by what happened. I don’t know how someone could do this. I mean, how could someone want to hurt and kill other people? how could someone want young kids and teenagers dead? how could someone want to cause such deep physical/emotional pain to other people? my family just got smaller,, and I am hurt and upset. my heart is aching for those we lost and for those that are injured. you can’t even go to a concert now without something horrific like this happening. there is pain happening everywhere and it will not go away. all we want is peace but there will always be someone out there who wants chaos. I just can’t believe we live in such a world.

Not a regular Spielberg update sadly, but one related to the tragic events in Manchester, UK on Monday night, which saw 22 people killed in a terrorist attack at an Ariana Grande concert. 

As someone who’s lived in Manchester all my life, I find this indescribably sad. At times like this, it’s easy to get angry and maybe even necessary to. Such reactions can be cathartic. But generally love and compassion are always the best responses. 

For my part, all I can do is share the above information and hope that the toll of 22 doesn’t rise any further. Manchester, and many other cities around the world, have suffered through incidents like this before and come out stronger. The same will happen here.

UPDATE: The BBC’s Newsround programme (which is a TV news show specifically aimed at children) has posted this advice for children who are upset by the news. It’s the kind of thing that should be shared far and wide considering the attack was focused on a child and family-friendly environment. 

anonymous asked:

You do realize trans suicides happen more in those who have not transitioned or are denied their identity as trans?

They kill themselves because they hate themselves
No one kills because they love
No one kills because they are comfortable with who they are
They can’t accept themselves
If someone said to me “kill yourself! You are not a real catholic!”
That wouldn’t have meaning to me.
Because I know the truth.
I am who I am, and I love myself.
No one commits suicide out of love

anonymous asked:

This thing that happened in Manchester has really hit home to me - I love going to concerts it's a place to go to forget about everything and then to go there to get killed? What scum does that to children? I'm not even an big Arian fan but I've been crying all day because I'm at concerts every week and I'm now scared to go again :( where's the peace

*hugs* yeah, it’s so so upsetting and maddening that someone can do this especially to children and teens who just wanted to have a good time. i can’t even imagine what their families/ friends are going through right now. music and concerts are supposed to be a safe place where people can let loose and have fun with their favorite artists. i honestly can’t believe that we are in a world where this is happening and people won’t even get to feel safe in the one event they’re meant to. it’s such a huge shame and i am praying for everyone especially those who attended the show. also i know this is triggering and upsetting to many many people so please take care of yourself and your mental health first. i am here if you need to talk.

anonymous asked:

After bts won last night I saw so many of their fans dragging other groups and other people and I thought??? Do you have to be a dick for no reason? Can't you just congratulate them and not turn this into a fight? I saw someone complaining about EXO-L's talking shit but the only activity on my feed I saw from EXO-Ls were birthday wishes for Suho so? Idk I just dont understand why armies always have to try and create conflict for no reason.

that’s what I don’t get!!! like yall… you can stan a group and not put down another!!!! like don’t get me wrong, credit deserves where credit is due but that’s not putting someone down. you can be proud of bts without being like “LOL BTS ARE THE KINGS BIGBANG IS UGLY AND OLD KILL URSELF GD” 😐

Get to know me

Get to know me A-Z
A- Age: 26

B- Birthplace: Harrisburg, Pa

C- Current time: 11:06 pm

D- Last drink you had: Water

E- Easiest person to talk to: I can make conversation with anyone.

F- Favorite song: Black Winter Day by Amorphis

G- Great Memory: Visiting France

H- Horror (Yes or no)? HELL YES

I- In love? Yes

J- Jealous of anyone/anything? I try not to be

K- Killed someone? Nah

L- Love at first sight or should I walk by again? Maybe?

M- Middle name: Michael

N- Number of siblings: 1 half sister
O- One wish: I know it’s corny, but world peace

P- Person I called last: My momma

Q- Question you’re asked a lot: “What do your tattoos mean?“

R- Reason to smile? Music

S- Song you last sang: Days to Come - Seven Lions

T- Time you woke up: 7:30 am

U- Underwear color: Grey

V- Vacation - Norway

W- Worst habit: Being impatient

X- X-rays: If I need one?

Y- Your favourite food: Sushi

Z- Zodiac: Cancer

ichthyosis  asked:

I think I finally figured out why I miss him so much. Why I'm so attached to him, despite all the abuse he's put me through. I craved the attention. I just wanted someone to tell me that they loved me, and that they want to cuddle. I miss that. It hurts. I feel like I'll never get that back. What if I'm alone forever? What if no one ever loves me? What if I never get another sleepy forehead kiss? What if I never fall asleep in someone's arms again?

Honey even if all those things are true in the future I can promise you that those are not reasons for your happiness to be limited. It will not affect your successes and joy. It won’t affect your friendships if you never get another cuddle from him (bees forbid he ever get ahold of you again, that asswipe. I will kill him. I WILL KILL HIM. Not sorry) or anyone else for that matter. But I know the feeling of craving affection from others and honestly cuddles are the friggin bomb!!!! I will have to come out there myself and make weekly cuddle trips if I must ; u ; Gosh you deserve all the cuddles and sleepy forehead kisses in the world from people who love you. It’s hard for me to know the difference between romantic love and platonic love.. but.. regardless of that. I love you very much and I wish I could give you all the emotional support and physical attention you wanted! I would be so lucky to have you fall asleep in my arms one day!! @kawaii-miunicorn and I are gonna hug the shit outta you, okay?? You’ll experience what it feels to be loved- genuinely, whole heartedly 100% truly. In every sense of the word. Just give it time, I know it feels so hopeless especially after your latest experiences but just give yourself the time you deserve, okay? These intrusive thoughts are not the truth. It’s just your brain playing tricks to worry you~ I love you so much.

f1ngerguns  asked:

number challenge: 22, 23, 24

22a. description of crush.

- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuckuuuuuyouuuuuuuu…. i guess they are really nice and they go in and out and dont really talk to me and i think they like someone of the oppisite sex as me so im really really upset about that…. thats it.

23a. fear(s)

- Spider that aren’t daddy long legs; talking in front of a crowd; rejection; abandonment; racism/homophobia/transphobia to the point where they are willing to kill me/harm me; and the sun exploding because it’s literally going to get 38401827308 degrees on earth and i can barely stand 35′s degrees (fahrenheit) which is like 20′s in celsius ??

24a. height

- 5′6″ im short compared to what i want to be.

22b. Adventure time! Where are you headed to first?

- a dark forest with fog and weird noises. or Canada maybe somewhere in europe.

23b. Pierced?

- only ears; but i think ima ask for another set of piercing above the ones i already have and maybe in the future i’ll get gauges (small-ish ones)

24b. Tell me about a bittersweet experience.

- Having my first kiss with someone i knew i didn’t truly love; i mostly lusted them.

22c. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

- yes multiple times i have had sticky hands as a child… still kinda do sometimes maybe i'm not confessing to any of this  if you are a police person pls don't arrest me   .

23c. Have you ever met any celebrities?

- No… :’’(

24c. Baths or showers?

- T H E B A T H Showers all the way tbh; cold ass showers are the fucking best in the summer let me tell ya.

once again, hun i lov you but wtf does number challenge mean?? there’s like three number asks and none say they are challenges??