i can just feel the sass over the internet

Assorted Game Grumps starters part 3

❝How am I supposed to walk around with a taut sphincter now for the next twenty five hours.❞
❝I’ve learned the importance of being cuddled.❞
❝Put a stamp on my forehead. Shits getting real!❞
❝Baths are amazing, especially when you bring a friend.❞
❝Here’s a ring pop, baby. It’s you favorite flavor: divorce!❞
❝Jesus, you gotta wine and dine me first. You can’t just open up with that shit.❞
❝What, you wanna try diplomacy? He’s a fucking crab!❞
❝‘Bonfire’ is made up of two words: ‘bonf’ and ‘ire.’❞
❝Is this whole game a Christian allegory for redemption?❞
❝God, no one get’s tail like jugglers, man.❞
❝These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed.’❞
❝Hold on to your tits, everyone. This is happening.❞
❝_______, as I was about to say, revenge is a dish best served fuck you.❞
❝Oh man you little tumble weed fuck get back here.❞
❝When someone says ‘just fuck me up’ on the internet that means have sex with me in a rough, passionate manner, correct?❞
❝This feels so slippery. This is like sliding a wet sandwich down a hill with your tongue.❞
❝I love you. I love your fucking brain.❞
❝Yeah, you can feel me. Any fuckin’ time you want, dude. I am right here next to you. Just waiting.❞
❝Young man, there’s no need to feel sass. I said young man, stick your hand in my ass.❞
❝His parents aren’t home and he’s invited me over! I can’t wait to get fucked!❞
❝Water is just… air juice.❞
❝Any self-respecting baby would be in awe of my parenting skills right now.❞
❝I moved to Madagascar… where my best friend was a SLOTH!❞
❝Holy shitfuck, great balls of fire.❞
❝I have to take off my jacket because I’m getting hot because this sucks so bad.❞
❝Who wears pants anymore? So 2015.❞
❝I’m in a totally different spot now. Like a spot I wasn’t before.❞
❝I hate playing games with you.❞
❝Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’❞
❝As long as I live, I will never stop loving your random bursts of outrage.❞
❝Um, did you see how strong his bullet was?❞
❝I love watching you guys suffer.❞
❝Be honest and faithful to your loved ones. And second to that…be fucking radical as shit.❞
❝I’m gonna touch somebody’s butt, and I don’t know who it’s gonna be.❞

Johnny, taeyong, and Yuta reacting to their daughter having her first period

Johnny:
• he would be calm I feel like
•maybe calm isn’t the word but
•prepared??
• he’s an only child so no sisters but I feel like he’s aware enough to know how to handle the situation
•in terms of basic needs like pads or tampons and medicine and all that jazz
•just because he would try his best to help his gf/wife in the past
•BUT OMG HE WOULD also be freaking out on the inside since it'a his daughter and he wasnt there for your very first period
•she’s turning into a lady which also means dumb af period symptoms
•he’s still dramatic about it too
•like even if you’re daughter knows it was bound to happen sooner or later
•he would make sure to call all his friends later like his daughter is about to graduate from LIFE or something
•and if she suddenly started it in a public place he would use his super dad strength and sprint with her in his arms to the car
•then he’ll go get all the necessities
•ice cream/chocolate included
•(which would result with winwin and taeyong coming over to ‘celebrate’ (aka eat since Johnny told them all your daughter’s business))
•but he’s still so bervous and the only way he will know how to cope is to make reaaaaallly lame dad jokes
•but they’re not just dad jokes
•they somehow turn into period dad jokes
•which makes your daughter even more pissed if possible
•like she might not even be having bad cramps but she will start to feel sick just because of his jokes
•"Hey honey, why is it called pms?“
•"DAD STOP! OMFG!”
•"Because mad cow disease was taken!“
•"mOM!”
•"Johnny…did you just call our daughter a cow??“
•although he would do his best to handle the situation he would still be super scared and feel sick if he sees blood
•like he might be super over dramatic and you would end up having to take care of your daughter while also supporting your giraffe husband who’s about to pass out in the middle of the room
•but he’s still mature and while do his best to make your daughter feel good and eventually after the first time being a disaster he’ll get used to it every month
•And after the first time you make sure to restrain him from calling everyone he knows since it would actually be really weird if he told all his friends how his daughter can bleed every month
•but if he feels anxious about knowing his daughter is growing up again he’ll reverted back to making lame Dad jokes
•and you’ll let him bc why not? It’s apart of growing up for a super broccoli called johnny


Yuta
•ok!
•I feel like Yuta would be the same as Johnny in term of being prepared
•but he’s actually really nervous on the inside too
•but he handles it much better because he’s ALWAYS learnt how to handle your period no matter what the circumstance
•so he just helps your daughter in the same way
•he prepares everything and if you’re not around to tell her what to do he’ll take over with shaky hands and just repeat everything you’ve always told him
•plus maybe some more tips from the Internet when she’s in the restroom
•I have a feeling this would be the only time he holds back his sass too
•like his daughter would get super annoyed by her period and make sassy remarks to him
•but he doesn’t care
•ok he does but he’s saving it for the day after her period ends
•"dad, can we go eat some icecream?”
•"Uhm :) remember when I offered you some last week and you yelled at me? Hahaha no.“
•and after he’s 100% sure he knows how to handle his daughters time of the month
•he doesn’t hold back the sass at any time
•but he’d still be really comforting about it
•even though he feels anxious at the thought of his little girl becoming a little lady
•he’d also get super protective after she starts to experience more hormones after the first few months
•but he’s still mature enough to know it’s just a normal part of life
•and it’s OK for his daughter to grow up
•she’d still always be his bb girl
•and as long as he had the Internet and his informed spouse!
•he’ll be one prepared dad!

Taeyong
•we all know taeyong is kind of a super dad
•and he tries his best to understand different things
•but this will have him stumped
•like he probably has experience with his gf or his older sister but his daughter??
•he’d be so confused like
•"What do you mean she has her period…? She’s my??? Daughter??? That’s not possible?????? Stop lyiNG TO ME!“
•but despite his denial and confusion he still pulls through
•well more like he follows your directions and goes through the motions correctly
•but he’s still confused
•like on the outside he looks like a dad that can take on anything
•and his daughter is like "Wow dad. You’re so mature!”
•and you’re laughing on the side like he’s dying please help my husband!
•but with his daughter trying to be calm and his wife laughing at him he completely comes through and does his super dad thing
•he’s actually really proud his daughter is growing up
•and he tells you that excitedly later on
•like he’s whisper yelling with a smile on his face while you’re in bed later
•and he talks about how proud he is of her
•And himself
•and he’s just really sentimental and wants to cry a little
•and you let him if he needs to since he’s so cute
•and he’s back to always being he supportive dad in the future after that
•even though his daughter probably can handle the situation and is fully capable
•he’ll always be ready to jump when she needs him to
•because he now knows his daughter gets her period too