Sometimes the sun shines in just the right way. And it feels as though you are checking up on me. It feels like a reminder that for one perfect moment I felt sure in who I was and who I loved. There’s a moment when the sky bursts into beauty. When colors alight the view from this bullet riddled, firestorm of a planet and I feel like the universe is trying to tell me that I can be okay, that you’ll come back to me. That the constellations will still chart the story of us and that it will not be tragedy.
That I’ll be able to feel your skin against mine, to trace your lips with my eyes and to stand by your side and feel like a conqueror instead of just a lost soul. Instead of someone who pleads with the stars to send me a shooting one because now I know exactly what I’d wish for. Now I know that the universe has formed us into a magnet and we won’t, can’t, be separated forever.
I’m sure it’s safer by your side. I’m sure that I’ll feel stronger with your hand brushing mine, I’m sure the colors seem more vibrant when I’m hearing your voice speak my name. I’m sure that I’ll see you again. I see your echoes now already because you have infected me and transformed me and given me hope.
Hope that burns within me beyond the fire, hope that can never die as long as I am able to conjure up your voice in my mind. I never dreamed I’d be shipwrecked. I never dreamed I’d be scarred. I never dreamed that darkness would taint me. But it has. It did. But the minute you stormed into my life, the minute you showed up, a spark ignited in me.
You brought me back to life.
And even though that life has been shaken and tortured and I have ripped myself apart a thousand over, that spark never died because you believed in me. You had faith in me when I felt I was nothing and I will return that faith until the sun stops rising, I will return that unshakeable, unbreakable, utterly remarkable gift you have given me with your touch, your eyes, your words, your heart and I will bestow upon you the universe in all it’s glory and still it wouldn’t be enough. I can never thank you, not completely, for your belief and your trust in me but everyday I will try to give you a measure of what you have given since we first became partners, bound in blood but more than that bound by love.
So I hope that you’re looking at the stars, wishing on the same ones and I hope that one day I can kiss you as the colors fade. As the sky become streaked with golden light and magnified in rusty pinks and soft oranges and you and I dance without the shadows pulling on our skin. And you and I whisper the words we were always afraid to say and maybe as the night dawns, we’ll be able to shake the shivers and take what we’ve always wanted.
- Sunlight Love by Abby S