i can feel my followers hating me

i kind of wanted to write this for a while now, but never knew what to write but i really needed to just say it tonight;

earlier today i went back onto my old indie account, the account that i made most of my friends on, where most of my ships flourished and yeah it was weird, because though it was only a few months ago it feels like years since those things happened. i have changed so much as a person, a writer,  and it’s weird to think. i would get on indie everyday to escape from my life, to find some sense of joy in writing that nothing else could fill, it was odd. but since then that passion has died and i hate it. i can’t thank @prepaids, @selaphicl & @labiteme enough for following me through my journeys, sticking with me through my hardships and i’m really happy to say i’ve gotten my passion back to write, and hopefully this time it sticks. probably no one except you three will read this but thank you, for everything.

ed sheeran’s divide | sentence meme.

eraser.

  • ❛ i was born into a small town. i lost that state of mind. ❜
  • ❛ so blame it on the pain that blessed me with the life. ❜
  • ❛ friends and family filled with envy when they should be filled with pride. ❜
  • ❛ when the world’s against me is when i really come alive. ❜
  • ❛ you know that i’ve got whisky with white lies and smoke in my lungs. ❜
  • ❛ i need to get in the right mind and clear myself up. ❜
  • ❛ i look in the mirror, questioning what i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ i’m well aware of certain things that can destroy a person like me. ❜
  • ❛ i am happy on my own so here i’ll stay. ❜
  • ❛ save your loving arms for a rainy day. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll find comfort in my pain eraser. ❜
  • ❛ i chased the picture perfect life. i think they painted it wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i beg you, don’t be disappointed with the person i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ the world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow. ❜

castle on the hill.

  • ❛ i was younger then. ❜
  • ❛ i found my heart and broke it here. ❜
  • ❛ i know i’ve grown. i can’t wait to go home. ❜
  • ❛ i miss the way you make me feel. ❜
  • ❛ we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill. ❜
  • ❛ had my first kiss on a friday day. i don’t reckon i did it right. ❜

dive.

  • ❛ maybe i came on too strong. maybe i waited too long. ❜
  • ❛ maybe i played my cards wrong. oh, just a little bit wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i could live, i could die, hanging on the words you say. ❜
  • ❛ i’ve been known to give my all. ❜
  • ❛ so don’t call me, baby, unless you mean it. ❜
  • ❛ don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it. ❜
  • ❛ so let me know the truth before i dive right into you. ❜
  • ❛ do you have a tendency to lead some people on? ‘cuz i heard you do. ❜

shape of you. 

  • ❛ the club isn’t the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where i go. ❜
  • ❛ your love was handmade for somebody like me. ❜
  • ❛ i’m in love with the shape of you. we push and pull like a magnet do. ❜
  • ❛ although my heart is falling too, i’m in love with your body. ❜
  • ❛ last night you were in my room, and now my bed sheets smell like you. ❜
  • ❛ we talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour. ❜

Keep reading

That’s What Friends Are For

Originally posted by alltimewolf


Pairing: Jeff Atkins x fem!reader

Request: 46 😊

46 - “Can I kiss you right now?”

Warnings: none

Word count: 785

Sorry it’s short.

Everybody, before you read this, go follow @escapeintape because she’s cool as hell and an amazing writer. She also requested this.

Also, feel free to criticize me.

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L$D

Jughead X Reader

Wordcount: 1,888 

Request:  Bit of a different request, but could you do something where Jughead is helping the reader recover from past substance abuse and addiction?

Warnings: Mentions on substance abuse, swearing, angst 

A/N: This issue is very personal to home with me, that’s why I’m writing it. Last year I lost a friend due to substance abuse, and many of my friends take drugs recreationally and have become addicted, so I’ve dealt with addiction first-handedly. I’ve seen the way this has affected them and it’s not a pretty sight. There is plenty of support out there if anyone ever needs to speak to someone about substance abuse. My inbox is always open if anyone wants a chat…Even if it isn’t about substance abuse. 

Keep reading

There’s one thing about Dracula adaptations that always bugs me: the reincarnated wife plot. Dracula is haunted by tragic death of the love of his life, usually from before he became a vampire. (In Francis Ford Copolla’s fever dream Vlad the Impaler is so sad about his dead wife that he yells at God and stabs a cross and that turns you into a vampire, apparently). Then, he lays eyes on Mina. He immediately knows that she is his dead wife reborn through oceans of time or whatever. Their love is destined and he must have her. 

I’m particularly thinking about Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula (which is a ludicrously inappropriate title; I’ve decided to go with BS Dracula instead). The NBC Dracula series also jumps on the dead wife bandwagon. Dracula Untold too, though as far as I can tell that movie has less than one percent to do with the novel. (I get the feeling these adaptations are playing follow the commercially successful leader). For an interesting change of pace, there’s also the 1973 Dracula starring Jack Palance where Lucy is the reincarnated wife. 

I hate this cliché with every fiber of my being. I don’t want it anywhere near my favorite novel. Honestly, I don’t think I’d want this story anywhere. But, it’s particularly awful in the context of the original novel. Let me just sort of spew my rageful thoughts out here, particularly with BS Dracula in mind.

Firstly, this plot completely takes away Mina’s agency. Dracula is the only one who remembers their connection. He has to tell her that they’re supposed to be soulmates. And, he starts pursuing her before she knows any of this. There’s some hefty entitlement going on here. She was with him before, so she’s going to be with him now, even if she has no memory of it. He lost his lady, he was sad, he spent hundreds of years moping and murdering innocent people, and then he gets a replacement. She takes away his sadness and brings out his better nature (not that he attempts to make any restitution to his victims; apologizing for eating babies just wouldn’t be romantic, I guess).

Mina isn’t presented as having any real choice in the matter. She has to be same woman as she was in her previous life. She has to love him back. Her previous life up to this point doesn’t matter. It’s like that bit from Daria: without knowing it, she’s just been waiting her entire life for him to show up and now her life can really begin. She exists to be in love with him.

Yet, this relationship is supposed to be positive for both of them. Being with Dracula fulfills some need she wasn’t even consciously aware of before. Because, you see, Victorian society is repressing her sexuality and individuality. So, she needs a man to come along and liberate her. Of course, she can’t be really fulfilled with Jonathan. I mean, come on, he’s a kind, naïve, well-mannered, generally nice guy. How boring is that? He needs to be a complicated, ambiguous, dangerous, mysterious, dark and brooding loner who murders people, but he feels bad about it so it’s okay. 

That brings me to the second thing that enrages me about the dead wife cliché: how it stands in comparison to the canonical relationship between Jonathan and Mina.

Dracula and Mina’s love is supposed to be based on destiny. They’re in love because they’re soulmates. They’re in love because they’re in love. It’s a grand romance that was always meant to be. But, it doesn’t feel like it’s based on anything about them as people and how they relate to each other on a practical level. 

Jonathan and Mina’s love is shown in their actions as well as their thoughts towards each other: simple things, not always grand gestures. Jonathan takes recipes home for Mina. She memorizes the train schedule to help him out. They learn shorthand together. They have common interests (“Trains are so cool.” “I know, right?”). They supported each other in their careers. They set up a household together. They deal with day to day issues. I can’t imagine Mina and Dracula working on a budget, doing taxes, discussing schedules with the serving staff, giggling at each others dumb jokes, complaining about the latest changes in the train schedule or just getting ready for bed and chatting over the boring minutiae of the day, like I can with the Harkers.

And even in more extreme situations, their relationship is far more meaningful. Jonathan faces off against vampires and bloodthirsty wolves to see his fiancée again. Mina travels to a strange country on her own and marries Jonathan while he’s in his sick bed. She supports him through is grief and trauma. As I’ve said before, she puts together the group, and is ultimately the one who is responsible for stopping Dracula, because she wants to get to the bottom of what’s wrong with her husband.

Even through the grief of losing his second father and the lingering trauma from his ordeal at Dracula’s hands, Jonathan wants to take care of Mina. To the point that he inadvertently harms her by agreeing to keep her out of the investigation. And he regrets his actions. When Mina says that she’s “unclean,” Jonathan embraces her, reassures her that there’s nothing wrong with her. He tries his best to comfort her as her condition worsens. He will stand by her in life, death, or undeath.

What does Dracula concretely do for her? He feels bad about the countless people he’s murdered. He offers her generic “love.” He fills some need she didn’t know she had, that in the movie comes off primarily as just sexual. She has to be with him. In trope terms, she exists to be his morality pet and replacement goldfish.

I’m not saying I don’t enjoy love at first sight, love that persists across time, reincarnated soulmates. I’m a romantic. But, there needs to be something behind that. I need to know that these people work as friends, as partners. The reincarnated wife plot in BS Dracula and its imitators isn’t romantic. It’s soaring strings, staring into each other’s lives, sex, and vague destiny trying its hardest to tell me that its romantic.

Why would I want to see that when I have Mina and Jonathan’s love story? When I have a personal, real, human love story?

Hell, consider Jack and Lucy’s relationship: a lonely, complicated man with a dark side (and, yeah, a strain of self pity) who is turned down by the woman he loves who is in love with a more traditionally romantic hero. And? He respects her, accepts her choices, supports her even if he’s still hurt by the loss. He doesn’t force the issue, he doesn’t think that she needs his love to make her life complete. He’s a good person. He’s likable despite, maybe because of his faults. We want to see him overcome his demons and live a better life. I don’t want to see Dracula redeemed. I don’t see him as a dark, gothic rebel saving Mina from those stupid, Victorian preps. I don’t want Mina to be reduced to an object for his redemption arc.

He’s a terrifying villain because he’s an abuser, a manipulator, a sadist, who violates people physically, mentally, and emotional to take away their power. Dracula is something fundamentally evil in an unsettlingly real way. There’s nothing sympathetic about Dracula. Rewriting the story to make him an antihero only reflects that the author thinks that Dracula, dark, tortured, dangerous, powerful, is a figure we should identify with, above someone like Jonathan. And popular culture seems to by and large agree that this is the story we want to see. And that doesn’t reflect well on the popular psyche.

The reincarnated wife plot isn’t more interesting than the love story in the book. Jonathan and Mina Harker aren’t boring. They’re a romance we can really aspire to. 

Yellow-eyed Betas and Foggy Windows

Liam Dunbar x Female!Beta!reader

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Author: T💕

Request: “Could you do a Liam imagine where Liam and the reader don’t like eachother since they’re both the new betas, but the actually start to like eachother. (Smut I guess😂)

 I rolled my eyes as I sat down on Derek’s couch. We had a pack meeting tonight to talk about whatever was reaking havoc in Becon Hills as of late.

 Derek came and sat next to me, pulling me into his side and kissing the top of my head.

 Now, I know that everyone thinks that Derek Hale and I are a thing, but he is actually more like my brother than anything. But that didn’t change the fact that I still smelled someone who was giving off a jealous sent when they walked through the door. I just couldn’t place who it was specifically because Scott, Lydia, Liam, and Isaac all came throgh the door at once.

 Derek got up and walked to the table and shook hands with Scott.

 Lydia waved to me and Liam rolled his eyes. I showed him just one of my fingers and he scoffed and looked away from me. I smirked triumphantly.

 Scott finished what he and Derek were talking about and turned to the rest of us.

 “So, Derek and I split everyone into groups. Lydia and Derek, Stiles and me, Jackson and Mason and Isaac, and Y/N and Liam.”

 Liam shot up. “Scott! What about what I told you?! You said you wouldn’t do that!”

 Scott smirked, “I know what I said.”

 “Greeeeat. I’ve got to deal with a child; just my luck.” I mumbled.

 “Y/N,” Derek said, “aren’t y’all the same age?”

 “Fuck you, wolf-boy.” I say.

 “You’re a werewolf too.”

 “I said fuck you!”

 The next night, Liam and I were sitting in my car, watching the section of the woods that we got assigned.

 Scott stopped by to bring us some snacks and water. “God, Y/N, couldn’t you have put on longer shorts?”

 I laughed. “Why? Am I distracting you?”

 Scott nudgged me and giggled. “I am not the one that you have to worry abou, but whatever.”

 I drew my eyebrows together. Scott started to the jeep where Stiles was. “My two betas better behave!”

 I rolled my eyes and waved as the two boys drove off to do whatever it was they needed to do for this mission.

 I looked and saw Liam sitting on the passanger side, his door open and his head in his hands. I put the stuff from Scott in my seat and walked to him. As much as him and I hate eachother, I needed to know that he was alright.

 I crouched in front of him and put my hands on his toned biceps. He looked at me.

 “You okay?” I asked him.

 Liam’s pupils were blown wide ans he was breathing shallow, but he nodded his head still.

 My hands fell to his knees. “Are you sure, Li?”

 I caught sent of something. I breathed deep and finally put a finger on what that smell was. Arousal. Liam clearly saw that I figured it out, because he sat back and looked down at me.

 “So,” Liam shifted, giving me a better view of the hard on that he had. “since you are the reason that I am so hard, are you going to fix it?”

 Liam’s voice had dropped a couple of octaves, and it really turned me on. I slid my hands up and down his thighs. I bit my lip and looked him in the eyes.

 “If you want me to…you just have to tell me what you want me to do.” I said.

 Liam s;ipped his right hand to the back of my head, pulling on my hair. I moaned and he smirked darkly.

 “I want you to take my cock in your mouth until I cum down your throat. Then you are going to let me fuck that little pussy of yours until you are screaming my name so loud that everyone knows exactly who I am when I’m finished with you.” His eyes glowed and I moaned a little.

 I didn’t even think twice before I undid Liam’s belt and jeans. I pulled his hard on out of his jeansl I gasped.

 “How can someone your age have a cock this big?!”

 He laughed. “Are you actually complaining about it?”

 I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”

 I started to stroke Liam’s cock, watching him watch me, his mouth open slightly.

 I took his cock in my mouth.

 I bobbed my head, taking as much of him in my mouth as I could, the tip of his cock brushing the back of my throat and his pre cum coating my tongue.

 Liam kept his hand on the back of my head, pushing it down a little more. I gagged around his dick and he moaned.

 “Oh, God, Y/N. Fuck, your mouth can definately work wonders. Fucking hell.”

 I squeezed his left thigh while I continued to suck him off. I drg my teeth softly over his cock, and he moaned out loudly. I sucked on Liam’s dick harder, until he gripped my hair tightly, almost painful, and shot his load down my throat.

 I wiped my mouth and loooked Liam in the eyes. “What was that second part that you said again?”

 “Get in the backseat. Now.” Liam growled.

 I practiacally sprinted to the backseat and slid to the door on the opposite side. I whimpered as Liam crawled into the car with a wild, animalistic look taking over any other visable emotion in his eyes.

 Liam shut the door behind him and licked his lips while he looked me up and down.

 I practically read his mind and took my shorts and sneakers off. Liam took his jeans off, and literally ripped my shirt off of my bodyl

 Liam didn’t waste any time diving between my thighs. He licked a single stripe up my pussy, sending jolts of pleasure through my body. My two hands flew to his messy brown hair and i gasped. Liam continued his oral assault on my clit and pussy lips. That boys tongue is magical, I swear it!

 My voice came out high-pitched. “Liam! Fuck!”

  Liam stopped eating me out and kissed the insides of my thighs. I moaned still.

  Liam sat up enough to line his cock head up with my entrance, and slammed into me.

  “Oh, Liam!” I screamed and clawed at his back.

  “You like that, baby? Huh? You like my cock dep in that pussy of yours?” He moaned in my ears.

  “Ha-harder.” I begged.

  Liam put one hand on my hip and the other on the window behind my head.

  His hips snapped harder and I could feel his cock hittin deep inside of me.

   I could do nothing but moan and gasp and scratch my fingers down his back.

  “Oh, fuck, Y/N, keep scratching my back like that, baby.” Liam said.

 I did like he said and drug my nails down his back again. Liam slammed his dick deep inside of me, causing so much pleasure I couldn’t see right.

   I could feel a pleasure knot in my stomach on the verge of exploding. I gripped Liam’s shoulders, digging my nails deep into his skin.

   “Li, I’m gonna-” My sentence was cut short by my orgasm.

   Liam came shortly after I did, roaring, literally, as he did. He stayed in his position until there was a knock on the window.

   “Get dressed so that I can rip you both to shreds for not following orders.” Scott growled at us.

   “So much for “hating” eachother.” Stiles giggled.

   “Shut it, Stilinski!” The three of us yelled at him.

Request to Mutuals and Followers?

My dash is a little quiet after an extended hiatus so I’m looking for a few new peoples to follow!  

Do you post a lot of:

  • coffee
  • Critical Role
  • SWTOR
  • Dragon Age
  • Mass Effect (not necessarily Andromeda bc I haven’t been able to play it)
  • basically Bioware
  • the MCU (including Defenders!)
  • baking
  • original art?
  • nature photography?
  • cityscape photography?

And do you meet these requirements?

  • you’re a legal adult (i’m old enough that I’d feel weird about following someone much younger)
  • you tag your posts?
  • you’re not full of drama and hate?

Would you please reblog for me so I can see if there are others interested in having a new follower? Or if you straight up have recs of people to follow, that’d be awesome.

Originally posted by gif-007

You know you’re hurt when you’re crying and you can feel the physical pain in your chest
—  K.A
Perfect (Sirius)

Requested- Some Sirius fluff please & Hey, I was wondering if you could write sirius x reader based on Perfect by Ed Sheeran? Thanks! Love your work! X

what’s your favourite song from Divide? I really love Barcelona :)

- - -

You are at the year-end gala, dancing with your partner. It’s your seventh year, and you are starting to feel nostalgic. The disco ball hangs from the ceiling and reflects the different shades of light in all directions. An upbeat song is playing, and you are having a good time. A familiar voice comes to your hearing as the song comes to an end, “May I have a dance?”

Sirius is standing right in front of you, with his hand reaching out. You take it skeptically since the two of you haven’t talked for a while now. Painful memories slip back into your mind, but you ignore the stabbing feeling in your chest and try to focus on having a good time and getting this song over with. Unfortunately for you, someone decided to choose a soft tune. You recognise the beginning of the song as the one you loved from before.

Before, when you were both younger and naive, that is.

Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was

Sirius slips his arm around your waist gently, as if he is scared to hurt you. You place your hand on his shoulder, feeling like he has grown even taller than he was just one or two years ago. But as the song goes on, you find both your arms wrapped around him. Sirius keeps quiet, although you can feel his heart beating out loud. And you believe he can hear yours, too.

Keep reading

i knocked out at 7 pm and so now here i am up at 3 am.. not knowing what to do with myself. lol. i figured i’d come here because i don’t as often as i probably should. sometimes i’m overwhelmed with the whole idea of “social media” and having to keep up with it. i’m learning everyday that i really only do this for you all.. because truthfully i hate this shit. i hate spilling my feelings on open platforms for the entire world to see. i love the response from people who fuck with me but.. as i’m growing larger i’m receiving more hate than anything. because that’s what this internet shit is. or maybe i’m being naive and it isn’t just the internet. maybe this is just our world. humans who hate not only eachother — but mostly themselves. (ourselves). there was a point where i wanted to give this all up. my wanting to be a famous poet. my wanting to be a remarkable author. my yearning to be relatable to as many as i can so i can help heal the world. i wanted to give up my dream because i got a glimpse of what it would cost me. sometimes my happiness.. usually my peace. i hate holding back 90% of the time because i feel like someone or everyone is constantly judging me. that’s such a shitty feeling. not that i’m complaining or wanting sympathy. literally just stating how much certain aspects of being in the “public eye” suck. but anyway. thank you. to you. whoever you are reading this. i figure you follow me on here because you actually fuck with me. thank you for enjoying my writing.. even if just a little bit. i appreciate you. for being the 10% that holds me down. i love you.
—  Reyna Biddy

Hello, lovely followers! 

You might have noticed that I’ve been a little quiet lately, and that’s because real life is not being very nice to me at the moment. (Don’t worry. I’m not being very nice to it either. (ง'̀-‘́)ง)

I feel terrible that people are messaging me and not getting responses! I hate doing this, but I have temporarily turned off Asks and Messaging until I can get caught up. I have around 80 messages right now. I’ll do my best to respond soon!

I miss you guys. I miss Victuuri.

woe.

me: hey please don’t follow this blog if you’re straight

a Straight™: lol k but like, i want to

me: please don’t

a Straight™: but I’m Not Like Other Straights

me: please don’t

a Straight™: WOW I GUESS YOU HATE ALLIES HUH? SO MUCH FOR YOU EVIL GAYS YOU ARE ALL HETEROPHOBIC THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS :( I CAN’T BELIEVE I PUT A RAINBOW FILTER OVER MY FACEBOOK PROFILE PICTURE FOR YOU!!!

*.:。♦ ⋅ ⋆ — VERSE NAMES - LYRIC EDITION.

in celebration of reaching a huge milestone for this blog and museinspo’s first birthday, under the cut you’ll find 229 quotes that can be used for verse and otp tags. they’ve been categorised into different ship types ( eg. general ships, long distance, toxic, fwb, exes, and many more ) so some quotes may appear under more than one category. i do, however, recommend checking out all the categories !! they were simply listed by my own interpretation and definitely aren’t limited to a certain ship type in the slightest. the pronouns used are simply what was in the original line but can obviously be changed to fit your ship. depending on personal preference, some may be a little too long but can be shortened down pretty easily. i believe that covers it all !! if you find this useful, please do like and/or reblog ! thank you for supporting this blog so much and i hope you enjoy !

Keep reading

I really don’t care if this is going to insult people. Feel free to hate me after you saw this, I don’t mind. I love Mercy76 , I even understand why people ship Reaper x Mercy, Reaper x Soldier or Genji x Mercy. I’m someone who’s able to tolerate every ship and I would never ever tell someone that they and/or their pairing are shit. Everybody has a different taste and that’s totally fine with me. Just live and let live. But if someone insults me and tries to tell me that I shouldn’t ship this or that pairing… well, then they cross a line.
I don’t like Pharah. Never did, she’s one of my last favourite heroes and besides that, I don’t like Pharmercy. This doesn’t mean I’m dumb, gross, an asshole or homophob. Hell, I even support Reaper76 and McHanzo, but people don’t seem to care about that. I don’t understand the whole Pharmercy-Pairing and it just doesn’t appeal to me.
But that’s not a reason for me to write hate messages, nor a reason to insult people or tell everybody on the internet how much I don’t like this ship. I don’t go to the tags to tell people how dumb they are for shipping it. No, I rather stay in my lawn, being happy with my OTPs and with people who also ship it. I don’t have the time nor the energy to insult people.
On this day, it’s a little bit different. I got another hate-mail out of the blue and I got insulted again.
It’s funny that it’s ALWAYS the Pharmercy-shippers who shit on my pairings. I even got followers who like other pairings than Mercy76 and yet they like my stuff. I’m so happy to hear nice things from them, without any kind of hate. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty angry and upset to get another message full of hate, so that’s why I made this comic. I hope some poeple can understand the way I feel, and don’t worry: I know that there are people out there who ship Pharmercy and don’t hate people for shipping anything. And I do know that there are M76 shippers who are pieces of shit. But it has only happened to me with people who ship Pharmercy, even though I don’t want to insult the whole group. It’s just about the people who hate on everything I do.

You?! (Rafe Adler)

Here you go! :) Hopefully this story justified your request! This might turn into a series… Who’s up for it?

- - - - -

The dark sky seems to be shining bright tonight with the cool breeze brushing against my arm and the ocean crashing softly on the shore beside us.

Rafe’s smile makes this night perfect as he reaches to hold my hand. “Happy one year, darling.” He speaks softly as if the other guests are listening.

“Happy one year.”

We toast our champagne, taking a nice sip.

“One year, huh…” I say, putting down the champagne. “Feels like we’ve known each other our entire life!”

He chuckles, sitting forward to hold my hand again. “Maybe we did in another life.”

I laugh, “You believe in that?” Even through the dimness, his smirk is easy to see. He looks away towards the sea and takes a breath, like whatever he’s going to say might be life changing.

“No, but what I do believe…” He raises up from his seat and walks towards my side, kneeling down on the sand. My eyes widen and I feel my heart flutter. “Is that since the moment I first saw you in that party, I already knew that I would spend a lifetime with you…” He takes out a small box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. “You are the only person that I’ve felt this strong with and you have dealt with my arrogance for this long; you’ve tolerated my anger and you still love me enough to bring me back into your life again…”

My eyes starts to tear up and I feel my gut churning in my stomach, waiting to hear that well-known line.

He takes another breath, staring into my eyes. “Will you marry me?”

I try to control the tears, but the moment I nod my head for a ‘yes’, he takes me into his arms and they start to fall down my cheeks. Rafe slides the ring on my finger and once I feel the cold metal of the ring, I can’t help but smile.

The people around us cheers and claps, toasting us in our celebration. Rafe places his hand on my waist and takes me in on a kiss.

Everything about this night is perfect.

- - - - -

Work. Always with his God damn work. What’s so secretive about it that I can’t even know about? I twist the engagement ring on my finger, biting my lower lip as I stare idly on the coffee table. I’m his fiancée for Christ’s sake!

My phone vibrates on the coffee table, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Hey, Rafe.” I try to keep my voice calm, even though I want to yell at him. He’s only been gone for a week, he’ll be back. I keep reassuring myself.

“Hello, darling,” after hearing his voice, I’m starting to cool down. I curse myself for being soft on him. “I won’t be home for a while, but I’ll be back right in time for our wedding.”

I take a deep breath, “Okay…” I hear the sound of construction in the background with people yelling in Scottish accents. “This work seems big with all that noise…”

“Yeah,” I hear him sigh on the other end. “Listen, we’re about to fly off to Italy in a few hours.”

We?

“I’ll call you later.” Before the call ends, I hear a woman say his name and then a beep. I place my phone down beside me. Did he just say we? Who would the other be?

I feel my face start to burn up and I shake my head, taking a sip of my coffee.

Probably a team. I should stop overthinking…

My phone vibrates again beside me and I check to see an unknown caller.

“Hello…?” I answer.

“Hey, kid,” a familiar gruff voice replies and my whole body freezes, but my smile widens as I’m starting to feel like I’m eighteen again.

“Got time for another hunt?”

“Oh my God! Sullivan?!” I laugh in disbelief, jumping up from the couch. “Of course! Where are we headed?”

He chuckles. “Pack your bags and I’ll explain along the way. See you in the airport.”

Just as the call ends, I rush to our bedroom and pack my bags.
As I walk back and forth from the dresser and closet, a nagging thought stops me halfway and I place my hands on my hips, giving out a sigh. What about Rafe?

I look at our bedside table, a picture frame with us in it and then to the engagement ring on my finger, the diamond sparkling from the sun shining in through the window.

Fuck it. If he can leave, then so can I.

Within seconds, I’ve packed all my necessities.

Leaving my ring behind.

- - - - -

“You didn’t tell me we were going to some fancy place!” I softly yell at Sullivan while we enter the Rossi Estate.

“Well, at least we got you a dress.” He says, walking up the stairs.
I place my arm around his, pulling up the skirt of my dress as we walk. This whole time I’ve been hoping that I won’t bump into Rafe, looking everywhere for the sight of him and rehearsing excuses in my head in case we do see each other.

Then again, he didn’t exactly say which part of Italy… But seeing that he’s busy, he won’t even have time to go to an auction.
Entering the building, someone with a white suit catches my attention and I glance to see…

Rafe…?

Talking to another woman and smiling each other.

I blink my eyes and keep staring to make sure I’m not hallucinating.

“Ow! Hey, is everything alright?” Victor asks me and I loosen my grip on his arm.

“Sorry, I thought I saw… Someone…” I avert my eyes from them and we walk up to the library.

Victor sits on the couch, taking out a cigar and a lighter. I walk to one of the books, seeing some old classics that I read from when I was sixteen or so.

“So, how are things with you, kid?” I turn around and see him puffing on his cigar, lounging on the couch with his feet up on the table. “Maybe I shouldn’t call you kid. You’re not eighteen anymore.”

I laugh lightly at the statement, walking towards him and sitting on the chair next to him. “When we said our goodbyes in Honduras, I meant what I said… That’s the last time I’m going to work as a treasure hunter…”

He rubs his chin. “So, you’ve got your dream…”

I nod my head and I reach to twist the ring on my finger again, only to find it empty. I half regret that I left it home. Now I wish that I brought something to remind me of Rafe…

I think back to the man in the suit… Maybe that’s not him… Maybe I thought it was him and it’s just the getting married effect… I’d rather not think this far ahead. I curse my brain again for overthinking.

“I’m proud of you, kid.” Sully says, taking me out of my thoughts. I look at him as he smiles at me and I smile, forgetting about everything as I’m almost tearing up from the memories flashing back.

“Thanks, old man.”

He chuckles lightly, “I hate to admit it. It’s nice hearing that name again.”


Fifteen minutes must have passed until we hear a thud out the window and whispers before a figure comes in followed by another. I can already tell that it’s Nate walking by, but I can’t clearly make out who the other one is.

“Sully?”

As Victor turns on the lamp, Nate’s face brightens up as they hug each other. I can’t help but smile and feeling my heart be touched at this moment. As they break away, he sees me and I can’t help but say it: “Hey, asswipe.” I greet him with a smirk.

“C’mon. We haven’t seen each other in fifteen years and that’s what you call me?” He laughs and opens his arms. “C’mere, shortie.”

We hug and I really miss the embrace of an older-brother-figure.

“I miss this trio.” Nate says as we break away and as we look to Sully, he has already been introduced to the other guy.

“This is my brother. Sam.”

I raise an eyebrow, looking from one to the other to see no resemblance. “You’re joking.” I scoff.

“No, he’s not.” Sam says, clearing his throat. “But we can both agree that I’m the more attractive one.” Nate slaps his shoulder as Sam lends out a hand for me to shake, “Nice to meet such a fine lady in this occasion.”

I cross my arms. “Is that what you say to all the girls?”

“Trust me, you’re the first one.”

This guy is way up his ass. I take his hand, but get quickly interrupted. “No more time to chit-chat. We need to take this cross before Rafe does.” Nate says, swiftly walking towards the door.

Wait… Rafe?

We follow Nate downstairs, back to the auction and the three of them exchange plans; all I’m thinking about is how Rafe is put into this situation. He said he’s at work… Is this his work..? Are we still talking about the same Rafe?

As we’ve reached the second floor, I look beyond the railing to the ground floor, searching for that same guy in the white suit, making sure that it’s not Rafe. It took me a second until I see the back of the guy, waiting until he turns around and when he does, that’s when I feel my gut sink. It is him.

It is Rafe…

He looks up at me and I turn away, looking back at the three of them.

“Shit…” I say under my breath. I bite my lower lip and I look back to see him gone. My eyes roam around the room, but see no trace of
him.

“You alright?” Sam says with his eyebrows raised. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

Something like that…

“I’m… Fine…” I take a deep breath and I feel my phone vibrate in my purse. It’s a message from an unknown number.

I know you’re here.

Fuck.


Part 2

Not Right ~J.G.;S.W.~

Summary: you cheat on Gilinsky with Sammy.

Requested: yup

Note: sorry it’s so long, but I feel like this is one of my best writings :))


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How do you sleep at night?” I roll my eyes and wiggle into my skinny jeans.

“I think it’s the fact that he doesn’t love me that helps” I say pretending like I had to think about it. I turn around and look at the boy I’ve been sleeping with for the past 6 months. It was more than just sex though. It had always been more than sex. Sammy made me feel like no one on this earth did. We loved eachother, even though for the time being, we couldn’t be together.

That tore me apart. Knowing that I would see Sam almost everyday and never get to cuddle with him around our friends. I wouldn’t get to show him off and take couple like pictures with him. I know it killed him too. I saw the way his light brown eyes turned to a murky black, the way his contagious smile slowly crept away from his perfect face, the way he became more insecure and felt smaller in his big bed, the way he watched with intense curiosity as I moved around his bedroom collecting my belongs getting ready to leave again. But we could never be together.

I kiss him goodbye and tell him I might be able to come over later that night. He just nods and savors the kiss as he usually does.

I walk through the apartment and out toward my car, making sure no one saw me. Even if they did though, I had an amazing excuse, just incase. I climbed up in the car I first bought when everyone made the great migration to Los Angeles. I turned up the radio and made my way home.

As I turned on to the highway, my phone started ringing, the contact name flashed across my navigation system: My Love followed by a series of different hearts. I pressed a button on my steering wheel that answered the call.

“Hey baby, I was just on the way home, do you want me to pick you up something to eat?” I ask getting off at my correct exit.

“Oh sure, but could you pick me and Johnson up and take us to voice lessons, our cars are still at Dillons” my boyfriends voice sounded different through the speakers of my car.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” I say turning into our street.

“Okay. Bye” and with that he was gone. That’s how all of our phone conversations ended, no i love you, no see ya later. Just okay, bye. I pull into my driveway and honk the horn before seeing the two bestfriends goof around and jump into my car.

“Hey y/n” Johnson says from the backseat. I give him a big smile and put the car in reverse.

“Hey baby girl, what did you do today?” Jack says quickly pecking my cheek before buckling his seatbelt.

“I went to a few stores, but I didn’t find anything good. I’m thinking about going to the flea market later for some more decorations, you guys wanna come?” I ask the two crazy boys.

“Sorry y/n/n me and G have to finish this song tonight or this album is never getting out.” Johnson says.

We all began talking about the boys album and how they shouldn’t rush it.

I pull up to the building where they boys get vocal lessons before going to the studio.

“If you need me to pick you guys up or whatever just let me know” I say smiling.

Gilinsky pecks my cheek again before sliding out the door.

“Thanks y/n” Johnson smiles lightly at me before following behind Gilinsky.

I drive home listening to music and thinking about my life.

As I get home I start cleaning up. When I get to my bedroom I get an overwhelming feeling of wrongness.

I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with Sam when me and Gilinsky are together, but I love Sam. Aren’t you supposed to be with the person you love.

I know it may be cruel that I don’t love jack, but he doesn’t love me either, he never did. Me and him grew up as great best friends and people just kinda expected us to be together like some kind of cliche book. Hell our parents even let us shower with each other until the time we moved to Cali. Everyone was shocked when Jack started dating Madison. I was for a moment but then he told me how happy she makes him and that’s all I want for my bestfriend. When they broke up it was pretty bad for the both of them. I tried my best to console them individually but it was getting hard. Madison just wanted to be alone and Jack just needed someone. So of course I was there.

Of course it started out as innocent, regular bestfriend duties. Then we slept together and we continued to have sex for over a month. Then one day, while Johnson was on Instagram live me and jack accidentally walked through the camera. This wouldn’t be so bad, but I was half naked with my lips attached to Jacks.

We didn’t want to let everyone down and have our entire families and friend group disappointed so we just started dating and told everyone. It was fun at first, but the most important part of every relationship, is actually having feelings for the other person.

About a year into our relationship, I started getting feelings for someone else. These feelings were very real and very strong. Sammy caught my eye one day and everything hit me like a truck. He smiled at me and the world spun in the opposite direction for a moment. He hugged me goodbye like usual, but this time I could smell his heavenly cologne and feel how warm he was.

Our quiet flirting eventually turned into something more. We began hanging out by ourselves and realized we loved eachother. Luckily Sam had broken up with Stassie and she had already moved on.

Me and jack grew further apart and suddenly we were strangers. He didn’t care where I went and why I vanished for the night. He was always to caught up with Madison. I get it, I do.

As I sit in my bed, craving more from Sammy I realize this life wasn’t for me. I knew jack was probably in the studio by now so I decided to pay him a visit.

As I got in my car and began driving, I could feel and hear my heart slamming against my rib cage, threatening to bust out if I didn’t calm myself. My hands began sweating from my nerves and I found myself tightly gripping the wheel. I got a sudden lump in my throat and it was hard to breathe.

I pulled into the parking lot and raced up the stairs. I was moving a bit faster than I wanted to but my heart was controlling me, not my brain. I opened the door where the boys wrote and record songs. I see the 2 boys sitting at the computer with their sound manager, trying to make a beat.

“I hate to interrupt, but G, I need to talk to you” I say as confidently as I can. Though it sounded like a whimper.

He nods nervously and follows me out and into an empty room.

We both sit on the couch, knowing exactly what’s happening. We knew this would happen, it has to.

“We can’t keep doing this Jack” I turn my head and look at the stressed out boy.

“I know, I just feel like we have to because everyone wants us to and that’s what we were born to be” he says leaning his head on my shoulder. Jack will always be my bestfriend before he’s anything else.

“I know. But I was born to be happy and I love you so much jack I do, but I’m not happy with you and I know you’re miserable with me” I say almost whining.

“What do we tell everyone?” He says chuckling.

“The truth I suppose” I say scratching the side of his head. I always do this to calm him down.

“Do you love Sam the way I love Madison?” He asks quietly after a few moments of silence.

“Yea. Yea I do” I say before kissing jacks head making my way back to my car. I put out a tweet.

@y/n: you can’t keep doing things that make you unhappy, just because that’s what everyone expects of you

@y/n: me and @jackgilinsky just weren’t made to be together. We are bestfriends and I don’t think we could ever be more.

@y/n: I’m so sorry, but me and jack both have our hearts set in other places.

I tweet them and see all the mentions saying they’re crying and the ship has sunk. Most people said they understood and as fans they just wanted us happy.

As I got in my car I saw jack retweeted my tweets and posted a few of his own.

@jackgilinsky: my heart is set with @madisonbeer and it always has been

@jackgilinsky: don’t worry, I love @y/n, just not in that way. I love you guys too.

I retweeted and and immediately got calls and texts from my friends and family. I laugh and began my drive towards Sammy’s apartment.

The drive seemed so much shorter on the way there. As I walked in front of his front door I took a deep breathe with a huge smile on my face. I could finally be with the love of my life. I knock on the door and it’s ripped open by a topless Sammy who pulls me into a kiss before I get a chance to say hey.

“I love you so much” he says grabbing my face and squishing it. I laugh and pull him down on the bed, cuddling into his warm chest.

I would never have to see Sam get a little less happy every time I walked out his door. His sad smile would be replaced with giant grins. His murky black eyes could stay shiny and light brown. His insecurities washed away and his bed felt just right with both of our bodies mingled in it. We were finally happy and together forever.

Grey

The sky is a dark grey, causing shadows even in the lightest of places. It’s not necessarily because there’s bad weather; it’s always this way. It’s almost like the sun is no longer existing, like it gradually decided that this sad excuse of a planet wasn’t worth it’s time.

People walk at a reasonable pace, all wearing black suits or black dresses. They style their hair in a certain way in the morning, not because it’s how they like, but because they know they’re not going to get any respect if they show up to work looking like they’d got out bed five minutes ago. Each face is empty, almost lifeless.

I’m the same, of course. My hair is forced out of my face every morning, shining due to the gel. I rise out of bed every morning and take the time to make sure I’m looking presentable; ensuring my suit is ironed and my shoes are shining. I eat cereal - the same one added to the breakfast table in every house all over the world each morning - full of fibre with no exciting taste. I don’t like it or hate it.

The long drone of the alarm buzzes through the building, and I don’t hesitate to the lean over and reach into the top drawer of my desk. I keep nothing in there besides papers compulsory for me to do my job. I grab the small gun that sits in the middle and feel the roughness of the plastic underneath my fingers. (The government had to create billions, do you really think they’d use anything that’d cost them more money?) I already know there’s four doses ready to be used because I made sure to reload this morning.

All around me, men and women are doing the same as I. As though it’s recited, we all raise the gun to our necks and pull the trigger, still sat behind our desks. The skin surrounding the end of the gun is opened and allows the blue liquid to seep into our system. To describe how it feels would be impossible; the whole purpose of the dose is to take away any feelings or any emotion that threaten to surface.

The room falls silent when the alarm stops ringing and everyone has shut the drawer of their desk. I sit up straight, feeling refreshed. Just as before, there’s the constant sound of typing and clicking from each desk around me.

“Bieber,” I hear the rough voice that I’m aware belongs to my boss as he comes striding along from behind me, I can hear his shoes meeting the floor as he walks purposefully. “Have you taken your dose?”

“Of course, sir,” I reply and stare ahead. There’s no movement in my face - my nose doesn’t twitch, my lip doesn’t threaten to curl up into a smile - while my boss’ hands press against my desk.

“There’s a woman just been brought in, mind doing the honours?” he asks and when I’ve had enough of his stare burning holes into my face, I shift my gaze from the multiple backs of heads in front of me to look at him.

His hair, just like mine, is swept back and kept in place with gel, although his hair is a lot darker than my own, apart from the grey strands beginning to show. He has a crooked nose that gives me the feeling he’s going to poke my eye out with it if he gets any closer. He’s showing his age with the crow’s feet and wrinkles that are starting to layer over his skin, and not to mention his ashen skin that makes me wonder whether he’s ill or simply tired.

“Of course, sir,” I nod before rising from my desk. “What’s she here for?”

I’m walking by his side now - I’m only just taller than him - and we must look almost identical, I think.

“What do you think?” He doesn’t give me time to compose an answer. “Sense Offence.”

I don’t say anything in response but carry on walking, knowing the exact moment my boss will turn off onto a different route as he aims for his office. When he does, he takes the awkwardness from the conversation with him and I feel as though I’m able to breathe again.

There’s a door at the end of the hallway. It’s grey paint glitters under the blazing lights. As I’m marching towards it, it opens and one of the other men appears dressed in the same suit as me. He catches sight of me and does a subtle head nod in my direction, I return it before swiftly sliding into the room and closing the door.

Sat at the table, a woman sits staring at the wall opposite, as though interested by it. She doesn’t acknowledge me, even when I make my way around the table so her eyes are piercing through my stomach.

“Hi. What’s your name?”

She doesn’t show a sign of wanting to talk to me, or wanting to be here, and I don’t expect an answer from her and I know I’m right not to when she continues to keep her lips in a straight line. My hands press flat against the table so I can see the veins on the back of my hand rising through my skin; they look like tiny rivers.

“I’m Justin Bieber,” I say and she - finally - looks me in the face, although she looks less than pleased, “but you don’t care about that,” I mutter and grab a chair that’s been pressed up against the wall and sit in front of her. “Do you know why you’re here?”

She takes a few seconds, but I watch her lips part and she takes a deep breath. She’s starting to tremble slightly. “Because I want to live like a real human being?” She looks like she might start crying.

“To live like a real human being is to abide by the law and take your doses, and we both know you haven’t being doing so. Why?”

“What keeps you going?” she asks, taking me by surprise.

“What?”

“What makes you get out of bed in the morning? What’s your reason for living? What’s your purpose?”

I frown at her, watching her eyebrows furrow while waterfalls are building in her eyes, threatening to burst and flood her cheeks.

“To serve, to make sure offenders like you are incinerated the second you leave this room.”

“Are you happy?”

I shrug. “I’m merely doing my job; I neither love nor hate it.”

Her facial expression shows sympathy, although I’m unsure as to why. Her body shakes, causing strands of her hair to twist and turn.

“Feeling is beautiful. It’s what makes us human and what keeps us alive, and yet, it’s being taken from us completely. Why?”

It’s starting to feel as though I’m the one being interrogated. “Emotion is forbidden and you know it. Emotion is dangerous. These doses are what’s keeping this race existing, if you have some kind of problem with that, you should take it up with the government, although I highly doubt you’re going to make it as far as the double doors of this building. Now, answer my question; why aren’t you taking your doses?”

As though something snaps - a vein or a muscle - behind the surface of her skin, the tears finally spill over, gliding down her eyelashes before splashing against the woman’s cheeks. I notice her try to blink them away.

“I can’t live like that anymore; not feeling anything, it’s driving me insane. I refuse,” she gulps.

“Very well, but you know what happens to anyone who’s been found to be feeling and/or not taking their dose-“

“Do it. I don’t care.”

She’s shaking vigorously now and she looks as though she’s shivering. Her cheeks are a faded pink, and the victim of multiple sets of tears; all hot and salty and leaving a subtle shine to her skin. I watch her blankly. Neither of us speaks for a moment.

There’s a fan doing circles above us and it’s creating a humming sound all around the room, meaning we’re never in complete silence. I inspect her face and see hurt and pain, my head tilts to the right ever so slightly.

“Do you not ever wonder what you’re here for, what’s outside your life within these walls?” Her voice is calm, which I find unusual. I notice she’s slumped back in her seat now, her fingers locked around her stomach.

“I have a family; a wife and a kid. That’s my life.”

“How? How can you possibly take a woman’s hand in marriage when you don’t love her? How can you be intimate with her, and conceive a child when you know you’re not going to love the heart and soul of that child? You feel nothing for those people who you share a life with, do you really know them at all?”

I frown.

“Have you never wanted to be able to touch someone’s hand and feel their warmth? What about music and art and poetry- oh wait, I forgot, you’re the one who makes the effort to go around and burn those kinda things, aren’t you?” she spits, and an angry expression takes over her face. “Emotion is everything. Emotion keeps me going, keeps us going. Love is pure, but so is hate. Fuck you.”

Her face is round and glows under the blazing light; I’m sure if I could feel a single thing I would feel something for the woman sat before me.

I wait until I’ve risen from my seat to speak again. Her gaze follows me tiredly. I straighten out my suit before clasping my hands behind my back.

“You’ll stay here until someone comes and collects you. I imagine they won’t take you for incineration today, and if not, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you sometime in the near future.”

Even as I’m walking towards the door - the fan still humming above me - I can feel the woman’s gaze on the back of head and I’m more than aware it’s full of hate and despise for me, maybe even a hint of disgust.

holy shit you guys, the state of Tolkien fandom on Tumblr is… bad. it’s really bad. don’t go into the tags. I’m saving you the trouble, they’re really really really bad, just don’t.

anyway I’m trying to take better care of my mental health so I kinda want to dive back into fandom. like, four days ago I had an epiphany and started writing A Mountain Keeps An Echo again, which… it’s been like four years since I updated that thing and I’m really sorry but I’m 25 pages into a third chapter because all I’ve done lately is write about FUCKING ELVES because I can’t concentrate on anything else.

so that’s a thing. if you liked that fic, here’s your chance to stop hating me. (you’re definitely gonna hate me before it’s over and I’m not even sorry, bad shit is gonna happen)

I’m also gonna try to revive my Dragon Age blog because why have one sideblog when you can have 8,000?

anyway, you can find those at The Lonely Mountain and Thedas Mom so go follow me and make me feel good about myself and I promise I’ll start contributing to fandom again

anonymous asked:

Awww did I hit a soft spot when I insulted that bitch dana? Aww how sad 💔

You aspire to insult me but you’re so out of reach of more insults that you bring in Dana who’s done literally nothing to you lmao.

You say you aren’t stalking my blog, but you know enough about my posts and my followers to call them “furries”.

You stated that you’re checking the notes on my posts which means you’re sticking around long enough to wait for me to reply to you, which seems a bit out of hand for someone who allegedly hates me?

You think I’m ugly, which I agree. I’m not aesthetically pleasing by any means, but I still have the right to call myself pretty when I feel I am. Everyone has that right, you can’t take it away. UNLESS, they’re like you and their ugliness isn’t cosmetic, it’s internal and lies in their personality. Personalities are hard to erase.

The only person you’re torturing is yourself by being on my page, waiting and waiting for a reply from me or from one of my followers. Waiting and waiting, refreshing and waiting.

I’m not the petty one, you are. Congrats on playing yourself.