i can do what i want!!!!!

2

My heart is pierced by Cupid;

I disdain all glittering gold.

There is nothing can console me

But my jolly sailor bold.
___

I’m trying to fight my art block and I received some lovely suggestions I’m going to draw.

Mer!Hanzo and Pirate!McCree was one of these.
@rebeza and @finchworks are my inspirations and I look up to their designs and AUs ‘cause wow.

Have you ever seen a prettier Hanzo?

im not tried.. but am i not tired enough to go in game????

fae-ble  asked:

When I'm older, I'd like to have a little dog like a chihuahua or a Papillion. How can I make sure to give it as much bodily autonomy as a big dog would get? I don't want it to always be on edge and stressed out because it doesn't feel safe

Straight up just treat it like a regular dog. Don’t pick it up when you need it to do something - train it instead - or when you need it to move. Let it growl or bark and listen to what it is telling you, rather than ignoring it or thinking the signals are just cute. Train it to walk on a leash without pulling, with all the manners you would expect of a giant breed. 

anonymous asked:

@ parents: STOP MAKING YOUR 6 YEAR OLDS ORDER FOR THEMSELVES AT RESTAURANTS, THEY CLEARLY ARENT COMFORTABLE TELLING ME WHAT THEY WANT. JUST ASK WHAT THEY WANT BEFORE I TAKE YOUR ORDER AND ORDER FOR THEM AND SAVE ALL OF US 10 MINUTES

Fucking thank you! My mom used to make us do this til I was old enough to move out and I just stopped going with her anywhere because it only made me more nervous to order by myself instead of better at it. I still can’t stand ordering on my own because I have a mini panic attack(seriously don’t do this to your fucking kids). At the moment my kids want to order on their own but I’m hesitant mainly because I don’t think they’re quite old enough to get proper customer etiquette. My oldest is 12, so I’m sure I’m either being over protective with him or biased based on my experience, so if anyone has input on that feel free to tell me. lol But, yeah, I’m 33 and I still have to rehearse my order 15 minutes in advance… -Abby

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to ask, do you have the story mostly planned already? I love the Chara part right now, but I can't seem to find what it has to do with Zombie Frisk. I'll assume you do have a connection between them and it's not just filler because I really enjoy both sides of the story so far and I desperately want to know the connection ♡♡♡ keep up the good work, you're amazing

Yup! Most of the story is planned (at least, in terms of an outline, yes.)
And nope! It is not filler, even though it probably feels like it, haha…
But no worries! We’re almost done with Intermission 2, I promise. (Even though I probably said that a month ago too haha whoops. I promise I have been slacking on pages for pretty decent reasons.)
And then we’ll be back to our mostly lovable, completely socially awkward and inappropriate human friend and the jerk flower. About time, amirite?
Glad you’re enjoying though, and thanks for sticking with, friend! ;D

That's Claims Now, Thanks

So I’m a back room associate for a large chain store that sells everything from food to furniture to car batteries. As a backroom associate my duties consist of unloading the truck, stocking shelves, and binning overstock.
Now I have made my claim to fame by being REALLY good at stocking cosmetics. I’ve been doing it for about a year and a half now and I don’t intend to stop any time soon.
But as I have worked with my multi-colored treats of the make-up variety, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.
People TRY ON the cosmetics. Like testing foundations on hands, face, and whatever else they can get their hands on. Smearing nail polishes and lipsticks on displays. And then they put it back on the shelf, oozing foundation under caps, and lipsticks ground down, and torn open packaging strewn about.
Guess what guys…That’s claims!
You want to know WHY that’s claims? Cause it’s a health hazard as there’s no telling what germs you have on your hands or mouth that could case irritations and break outs and even possible illnesses to a person​ who might buy that, which more than likely they won’t cause it’s obvious you’ve been fiddling with it.
This is not a high end store. We don’t have testers. You don’t get to open a can of Pringles till you can find the right flavor you like so why would you think you can do the same with make-up? It’s disgusting to think that someone else has tried on my makeup before me.
If you want to try a new make-up, purchase it, save your receipt, if it doesn’t work out then bring it back and you can get a full refund. I’m sorry that it’s a hassle but you’re exposing others to potential hazard and I think that’s pure rudeness.

So i have a problem and i was wondering if yoou guys can help me haha. I’ve been talking to three guys this past week and i just don’t know what to do…

First guy: Went on a date with him, we have lots of things in common, he’s basically what i wanted in a guy but he’s not that good looking and he’s a little clingy…he already asked me to go with him to his cousin’s wedding…four months from now ! He’s a little too eager…

Second guy:  I’ve been texting him the past week, he’s funny, we have lots of things in common and i like talking to him. He’s much more relaxed and i don’t feel suffocated. 

Third guy: We talked a little and he’s really nice, the thing is that he’s from another town and he’s not always gonna be here…and i don’t do long distance relationships haha

All three of them asked me out on Saturday and i just don’t know which one to pick…Who would you pick ?

mafer-miraculous-rlan-avatar  asked:

sentence prompt: "No, not even in a million years" LadyNoir, please

“No, not even in a million years.” Chat swallowed hard mentally kicking himself for what he was doing. Here Ladybug, the girl of his dreams, was asking for him to kiss her and he was saying no. What the hell was wrong with him?! Ladybug pouted her bottom lip as she avoided his gaze looking utterly heartbroken. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with him!?

“I guess I shouldn’t have assumed you would be okay with it,” Ladybug sighed. Chat ran a nervous hand through his hair. What was he doing?

“No Ladybug. I just- you caught me off guard is all. If you really need help I can-it’s really not a big deal,” Chat offered, voice tight. Ladybug looked back up at him hesitantly.

“Are you sure?” Ladybug asked cautiously. “I don’t want to cross any boundaries with you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a one time thing right?” Chat asked, every cell in his body begging for her to say it wasn’t just for this one time.

“Just this once,” She assured him. “I don’t want this to mean anything.” And with those words Chat could feel his chest tighten. Not trusting himself to speak he simply nodded. Slowly Ladybug reached for him wrapping her arms around his neck. Chat swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. What had he done? He was damned if he did and he was damned if he didn’t. Ladybug nervously chewed on her lip as she stood on her tip toes eyes falling on his mouth. Chat took a shaky breath before leaning in and placing his lips on hers.

Ladybug’s kiss was everything he imagined it to be and more. It was soft and sweet, and surprisingly tentative. She smelled like vanilla, and flowers. And every time she moved her lips against his his pulse sped up. This is what he had wanted for so long so why did it suddenly feel so wrong? Her fingers slid up into his hair. A soft groan crawled up his throat muffled by her kiss. More confident now Ladybug pressed herself against him kissing him more fervently now. Her fingers softly played with his messy hair, almost lovings as they combed their way through.

That’s when Chat lost it. He couldn’t do this! He couldn’t stand here and kiss the girl he loved when he knew it meant absolutely nothing to her. Chat reeled back. He could feel his heart in his throat. He panted as he looked at her with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry. I-I can’t do this,” He choked out.

“Chat I-” Before she could get the words out Chat was already running away and he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to stop.


Woo! Done with finals, but not taking messages right now - just finishing these up.

anonymous asked:

do we have more personal infos abt yuzu? he dn't have sns n i can't understand how he able to function *laugh* ik he said 's not comfortable abt private life n ik some bits like he play games when day off but what kind? what music he hear, when did he start dancing how's his dancing now n many more.. i want to see this world from his eyes and it'd be a great help if you know some resources / articles... thanks xx.

Oh well. You should check out these documentaries about him (x) (x) first. Then these translations that give you some insights about what his daily life looks like (x). I’ll also link the famous and lovely guys talk because lol (x)

As for wanting to see the world through his eyes…that’s pretty complex to do. I suggest reading interviews about skating, because they can really help understanding his personality. Here you can find lots of videos collected throughout the years (x). The kind of music he likes…I know he’s a fan of Bump of chicken and One Ok Rock for sure. At NHK last year he was listening to Butterfly by Koji Wada, so maybe he listens to anime ost too?

kittyboo8015  asked:

What inspired your eruri actor au? I've always wanted to know😊

…so I just wrote this whole thing and bloody deleted it ¬_¬ right!

so it all began from this: 

I had seen some instagram fanart on my dashboard previously and I just adored the idea I believe it was @bluecrownedbird work . I wanted to do my own interpiration of the topic. My favaourite photos are those that are taken behind the scenes or backstage,  it brings the surreal reality that can be film, fashion shows, music back to what it is. People.

I loved the idea of bring SNK to this reality where it is a show, a much loved british show where the special affects are a bit shit sometimes and sometimes a bit clunky. I took inspiration from BBC Sherlock. I have been obsessed with the show sine it first came out and I loved the literal over night success and international following that it gained, throwing the actors into the big acting world. Both Cumberbatch and freeman were known but I not think anyone ever expected the show to be the success it is. I wanted to take that concept and apply it to SNK. Where the producers and writers had their eyes set on Levi from the moment snk was just talk. I wanted Erwin to be a character that was not meant to be in the forefront, only meant to have a few lines and disappear back into the background. But the producers loved Erwin so much they rewrote his character to suit him.


So all that was going through my head as I drew the above image. It was only meant to be one or two drawings, so I dialed up the flirting and the banter.

then I believe @zedsdead1001 (whom I was in awe of their talent, still am) and/or @alwaysbesassy  asked what happened next, so I told them.


but it wasn’t until I began talking to @erwinsalive did the concept and the story really unfold. their questions allowed the world to open up and it gave me an opportunity to share the thoughts in my head. something I never planned on doing. I vowed I was never going to write again. but talking to them…typing the words felt so natural  and the story just flowed. So I wanted to draw more and more, scenes which stuck in my head more than others. Which is why the images are all so disjointed. But I draw what comes to my mind. 

I love hearing other people’s take on it, to know that my work has inspired others is just such an hounour and has bought me the friends I have made here. Hearing other people’s take on the actors lives and the events that occur within it has helped me develop my own characters. so like you kitty, and @winglysimmer and @shortpieceofshit @herbivorousviolin @sibahahahahawhoops @lostcauses-noregrets @minxiebutt @snowtoes @sugardaddyerwinsmith without everyone listening to my constant rambling and offering up their thoughts and ideas, this au would not have happened. I only planned on doing two instagram drawings 

but my style has rapidly changed, now that I look back at that first image of actor erwin and compare it to my latest. 


its a bit change :)

anonymous asked:

Is it normal to take a while to normalize your Real Name? What I mean is, I'm in the closet in some settings, and out in others. When I'm finally able to use my Real Name, it takes maybe an hour before it feels right on me. Do other people experience this, or is your Real Name supposed to feel right always?

Other people definitely experience this. When you’re used to hearing a name for yourself, it can take a bit for the name that you want people to use for you to sound right. It took like six months of everyone around me using my name before it actually got my attention immediately if people mentioned me e and it felt a bit weird for the first few weeks.

tl;dr: other people experience this, it doesn’t mean that your name isn’t your Real True Name

–Ell

I’m not sure how to answer this in another way so I’m just going to do it like this.

@creativetomboylovesbooks​ : I’m not entirely sure you understand what biphobia IS so let me explain the difference between being threatened (as you say)/unsure of oneself and being biphobic:

When you’re unsure/threatened you might say/do things like:

  • Constantly compare yourself with your significant other’s ex, maybe talk to them about it and ask them things like: “Why are you with me, you can have anyone you want?”

  • Look at your partner talking to someone who’s objectively good looking and think that they would look much better with them than with you, and you don’t really understand what in the world this wonderful and gorgeous human(or warlock) being is doing with you.

  • You might meet their ex and get rightfully pissed off if he/she keeps touching/flirting with your man/girl

  • Talk to them about being afraid to measure up to the experiences they’ve had before you and about being able to be good enough for them.

Now, that’s all things that might tear at a relationship, but it’s not being biphobic at all. However, if you’re doing just one of the following things, you’re biphobic and need to stop right the hell now:

  • Whenever your partner talks about old friends/people they met before you two were together, you ask: “Did you sleep with him/her too?” - Alec does this ALOT when Magnus talks about his past and the worst part of that is that Magnus stays with him and doesn’t even tell him off for being a gigantic asshole.

  • Tell your family/friends that before you, your partner slept with anything and anyone (aka slut-shaming, which a lot of bisexual people - including myself - is met with more often than we’d like to admit. As if “I like both men and women” automatically means: “I sleep with anything that moves and will let me have sex with them”???) - Alec tells his siblings basically these exact words.

  • Tell your partner that they “have to pick a side”, “are just confused”, “are half straight and half gay”, “they’re only properly bisexual/part of the LGBT+-community if they date someone of the same sex, otherwise they’re straight” - I can’t actually say for sure that Alec does this, but it’s a pretty common thing for biphobia so I thought I’d add it in here.

I could go on and on about this, and about the fact that just because you’re a part of the community (like Alec) doesn’t mean that you can’t still be narrow-minded and biphobic. But in short: Alec is very biphobic in the books, but not in the show (Yay!) and the reason I wrote the original post was because I really don’t want to read fics with a biphobic!Alec and for me to be able to avoid said fics, writers need to tag properly which fandom they’re writing for. If you’re writing for the show, tag it as such, and if you’re writing for the books then tag them and NOT the show so the right people find your fic.

I hope this helped you understand it better!

anonymous asked:

I broke up with the love of my life and during that time another friend of mine proposed. I accepted because I thought it'd help me get over the first one whom I'm absolutely in love with. But it doesn't help. The first one is back and I don't want to lose him but I also do not want to be a bitch and break the second one's heart. He's so in love with me. I don't know what to do. I know I've made these horrible mistakes but I want a way out of it. Please, help me and tell me what to do.

Hey, Nonnie <3

I can’t tell you what to do. I’m so sorry, I know this isn’t the answer you were looking for, but the only person who can figure this out is yourself. Whatever you choose to do, though, you’re going to be okay. Think about what is fair to all of you, whether staying in a relationship with a person you don’t love romantically is worth it to the both of you. Ponder everything and the answer is there. It won’t be easy, but you’ll get through this.

Sending all the love and hugs <3

What I think about Laucy phosothoot, the MTV article, Camren and Lauren’s tweets

I am aware that as part of the big audience we are constantly fed by the information they provide us, and as we don’t know what happens in real life we ​​can easily believe what they want us to believe.

All of this things like the photoshoot, the MTV article brings media attention, gossip, headlines, the fandom freaking out on social media… Come on, we can’t forget that THEY know our patterns and way of thinking (in general as a fandom, as a mass, not as individuals, of course) a lot better than we know THEIRS simply because it’s THEIR work, they are professionals that know how to work with an audience and get inside our minds to achieve what they want, to sell whatever they want us to buy.

But hey, don’t you guys wonder why ALL of this is happening right now? Because I do, I wonder why are we seeing the photoshoot now, why are we reading the MTV article now, why is the photographer supposedly giving her point of view as some kind of insider according to some laucy-live-interaction she witnessed during that photoshoot… I notice how conveniently the article ends with the phrase “She added, ‘I did not stage that, I did not tell them to do that. A lot of the moments were very real. Very candid” and now after all of that stuff, as the dessert strawberry, we read Lauren’s tweets. It’s all a big WOW.

I’m not going to talk about what kind of bond Lauren and Lucy have in real life or what kind of relationship they had, have or may have in the future. It’s none of my business. It’s their life and I respect them. But I do and will talk about laucy in the sense of being PR because for me it was used for it.

If we ask ourselves why would Lauren be open to a PR like laucy and being shipped with Lucy, I think the answer could be that she was doing it for many reasons like she was promoting Lucy whose singing skills started to show up (and if I’m not wrong I believe she has an album coming up or at least it was a rumor at that moment) and the focus was on “laucy” as a ship and not on “camren”.

I’m pretty sure the laucy kiss had a purpose because it happened right before Lauren came out and the pics were staged and in HD (not like those camren leaked pics in potato quality). I mean, Lauren wrote a letter to Trump supporters in which among of all the important things she said, she mentioned that she was a bisexual Cuban-American woman. With that being said, if the media searched about Lauren’s love life just for gossip, what would have they found? That laucy kiss was the perfect cover to get Lauren out of the closet without involving Camila and to create an imbalance in the attention they give to the band because at that moment Mila was still in 5H.

I think laucy was carefully planned. Every single pic or interaction we’ve seen… everything that reached our eyes or ears… all planned for PR and I think it still can be used in the future – just like this MTV article says “they dated on and off for a few years. So they’re good friends over everything else”, so if it is needed again all they have to do is have some laucy social media interaction and some people will believe that laucy is back on the game again.  

I repeat, I’m not talking about laucy as the real relationship Lauren and Lucy had, have or might have, I think it’s fair to say that actually no one but them knows what is really going on between them. I’m just talking about laucy being used for publicity regardless their personal relationship, just that.

I think about why this kind of information comes to us right now. One of the many things we have to consider is timing, that’s one of the many things we’ve learned after reading all those mind-blowing posts the wise people of this fandom made explaining how this crazy industry works and sharing what they’ve searched and discovered and letting us know their mature and well-formed opinions. We know that nothing is random, nothing happens just by coincidence or casuality. Like if we see or hear or read something it’s because they wanted us to see it or hear it or read it at that precise moment. That’s why I say it’s very clear that timing is the key that allow us to connect one fact with another and make our conclusions. There is always a cause and a consequence, we can see it.

Now talking about Lauren’s tweets, well… I can say that I understand her – of course, if it was actually Lauren herself the one writing and replying because we all know their social media accounts can be controlled, I think that’s a possibility we have to keep in mind.

I think the “killing-camren-campaign” had always been a main project for the label and management and all those teams that work with the girls and now Lauren’s tweets bombarded the ship, I mean, we can say that she made herself clear.

But we can’t ignore that it had to be done so this narrative can continue with a single Lauren open to any relationship in the future and a Camila who seems straight to her potential audience and new fans apart from all the fans she already has who lover her unconditionally, so time will pass and some camren shippers may jump to a new ship – just like it happened with laucy – and this will take the focus away from camren as the audience will see both Camila and Lauren walking in different and separate ways following their dreams and dating other people.

As it is a fact that a huge part of this fandom seems to have short memories, I’d say that in this way camren might remain as a ship inside this fandom, a ship that was never real, a ship that was just in our camren shipper’s delusional minds. So following this kind of logic camren will sunk for good like the Titanic in the deep ocean with the passage of time. And I think this is what it is needed for the label to keep this story going. It is convenient. 

Now, if it was Lauren the one who wrote all her tweets and she meant every word she said, I understand that she needed to do it and why she used those words. I get it. I get her.

I know social media, especially twitter, is a warzone. Some people are so toxic that their bad vibes are almost palpable, so I get why Lauren could probably be done with all of this hashtags and comments and stuff. I understand her, honestly. Her life is being exposed because she’s a celebrity, and she is a reserved person so I can’t imagine how hard it might be to be in her shoes.

It’s a shame that a part of the fandom always found a way to put one of the girls as a villain and the others as pure saints. It’s a shame how because of some rude and disrespectful people that don’t know about boundaries, everyone tends to put us all in the same “annoying fans” basket. It’s a shame, really. Being a harmonizer is beautiful and this kind of things in a way ruin the good parts that we as a fandom have.

But I want to say something: Shipping is ok. There’s nothing wrong with it. We can ship all we want but one thing is being a low-key camren shipper and another completely different thing is to be one of those people who comment “camren is real” under their tweets and photos the girls post, tag them in pics, edits, gifs and manips and bother the them with the ship thing… Come on! Not all camren shippers are the same! Don’t judge us all for shipping camren just because of the crazy, rude and aggressive part of the fandom’s behavior. It’s silly to just generalize, really.

As I trust body language and unscripted moments, the ones we can consider spontaneous actions or interactions, it’s hard, very hard, for me to believe that camren was just a product of our imagination, just a ship that our delusional minds created and that was never real.

Now, I think that there is some trouble with the term “real” when it comes to ships, especially ships like this one, camren. I, personally, consider that a ship is “real” because I talk about feelings being real, not because I say that the people I ship are actually married and have children and live in a mansion in the middle of nowhere with a cat and a golden retriever. Real, for me and maybe for some other people, means that there is chemistry between them, feelings involved, looks, touches, smiles and candid moments that demonstrate that there is a special bond and connection between them, a romantic one to be precise.

So even though I love and respect Lauren I find it very, very difficult to just believe that what she tweeted it’s the complete truth.

I feel that there are things like feelings and emotions that we as humans can’t hide even if we try to control them. Love is one of those things. Eyes don’t lie, they speak and scream what we’re feeling just like our gestures do and we certainly didn’t imagine it all.

anonymous asked:

Meebs I just CAN'T! The love is too strong! Honestly though...I have two younger siblings that mean more than the world to me and I do everything I can for them. Just being able to be with them is enough for me. The last update brought me to tears thinking of them. There's so much doubt being a big sister and caretaker, and hearing "you're a good sibling" is the best thing in the world especially in the midst of turmoil. Your comic is perfect Meebs, I love how you draw and write the bros

Awwwwww thank you! ^^

I’m so jealous you can actually feel that much love for your siblings - i sometimes wonder if something’s wrong with me…

But yes, love is strong, i want strong love…

Who wants to see it?

I am 12 followers short of my goal of 60. When I get to sixty I will post a crotch picture for those craving it.
Please boost my blog so I can be more slutty which I love!
Also - please message me telling me what my pics do to you. I love hearing how I turn you on!

anonymous asked:

Have you ever written a fic where shinichi is the ace one?

Do you know I don’t think I have?  I’ll see what I can do!  ;D  Under the readmore as always!


Shinichi froze up, eyes wide and dread closing his throat.  Kaito was holding his hand, and he looked like he… like he wanted to…

“Shinichi, I’m in love with you.”

He looked away, chest tight with anxiety.  This was bad.  He was going to have to tell Kaito, and then their relationship would be ruined.  One of the people Shinichi liked the most, the first person he’d loved since Ran, gone forever.

“Shinichi, Shinichi, are you okay?”  Kaito sounded like he’d been trying to get his attention more than just the twice.  “Hey, what’s wrong?  It’s not–I mean, you approve of Ran and Sera, so I thought…?”

“It’s not you,” Shinichi blurted.  “It’s not–I don’t mind, that is…  It’s not that you like boys, that’s not it.”

Keep reading

I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in like six days which was really hard I really missed him but I finally saw him today! he was with his mom in the morning so we only got an hour or two before class and then I got out late so we only got another hour or two after school but I’m still so glad I got to see him. we didn’t do much but I’m just thinking about this one moment where I was talking and he was staring at me with just this look in his eyes I can’t describe and when I asked what he said “I love you” and smiled and it was just so sweet I never want him to stop looking at me like that

Revealing

Written for @lokisgame in response to an ask about how Scully managed to read fanfic on stake-outs as revealed in a previous story of mine. This is also my final entry to the dialogue only challenge for @txf-fic-chicks.

You can read the companion pieces here: Tried and  Tested


“Scully, do you want coffee?”

“Real coffee or the granules of dirt that someone puts into the old Nescafe jar at the refreshment station?”

“I was just going to the photocopier, so dirt I guess…”

“Fine. Double dirt please. And Mulder, can you collect my expenses reports? They should all be printed by now.”

“One double dirt with no cream or sugar. One doubly dirty great pile of expenses reports. What are you claiming for here, Scully? Every single pair of hose you’ve ripped in the line of duty, receipts for every lettuce leaf and carrot strip that comprise what you allegedly call lunch, Steristrips for all my boo-boos?”

“Mulder, printing out the report for all your boo-boos would take all year and the paper stock required would decimate the world’s remaining rain forests. This, on the other hand, is a month’s worth of standard X-Files expenses, and if you bothered to do any of your paperwork, Mulder, you would know that.”

“Scully, you know how much I love it when you dot all the Is and cross all those Ts for the team. Your manual dexterity is far superior to mine and I know how much you thrive on logic, rationalism and scientific fact. Expenses reports are nothing if not factual.”

“Really, Mulder? When was the last time you actually read one of these things? This one contains so much of your particular brand of ‘I Want to Believe’ dreaming that I’m pretty certain I could put your name to it and Skinner wouldn’t bat an eyelid.”

“Except that he knows I don’t write them and that would raise suspicions.”

“Well, thanks for the dirt and thanks for the non-input into this magical report where the unicorn accountants will stamp their approval with their rainbow hoofs and get you off the hook from your ridiculous claims by sprinkling fairy dust over the facts. Again. I’ll catch you later, Mulder.”

“Stake-out tonight, Scully. Don’t forget. Wrap up warm, bring your own thermos of real coffee and some quality reading.”

“By quality, I presume you mean something without pictures, Mulder.”

“Ouch, Scully. There’s another boo-boo to add to my collection.”

“So, what are you reading, Mulder?”

“Oh, just some stuff I printed out earlier. You know.”

“No, I don’t know. What stuff?”

“Nothing that would interest you.”

“No? Try me. We’ve got all night.”

“You first. You’ve been engrossed in your medical journal for ages now. Just how much fun can the ‘American Journal of Pathology’ really be? Or is December the Christmas special? Do you get extras like ‘World’s Most Bizarre Autopsies’ or Cause of Death word searches or…”

“Mulder, I’m reading about cutting edge research and technology. That’s pretty absorbing.”

“But you’ve been shifting around in your seat like whatever you’re reading is making you…”

“Making me what, Mulder?”

“Nothing.”

“You still haven’t told me what you’re reading. There doesn’t seem to be any naked skin on the cover, so that’s an improvement.”

“Sometimes, covered skin can be just as sexy, Scully. Don’t you think?”

“I haven’t really given it much thought, Mulder.”

“Because you’re totally engrossed in the latest article on cell injury and repair?”

“Have you been reading this journal too, Mulder?”

“I might subscribe…”

“You subscribe to the AJP?”

“You sound sceptical, Scully.”

“Would you believe me if I said I subscribed to Aliens Today?”

“There is no such journal, Scully. But there is an Aliens Tomorrow. I’ll sign you up if you’re serious. If it means one less quirked brow or roll of the eyes before we go on our next case, it might be worth the $29.95.”

“Last of the big spenders, Mulder. I’m touched. Anyway, there’s no sign of our suspect, yet. Trail mix?”

“Will nobody think of the guinea pigs? Our suspect is probably headed to the Bahamas as we speak. How did we land this gig, Scully?”

“I’d like to think that sometimes Skinner advocates for our mental wellbeing by provisioning cases that are actually restful, in a bizarre kind of way. Just sitting in a car, the two of us, talking, reading a little. Not getting abducted.”

“So it’s like one of those team-building exercises where we’re supposed to communicate, discuss the minutiae of our days, really find out stuff about each other. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Maybe. What do you want to know about me, Mulder? Some secret you think I’ve been holding back?

“Have you been holding back, Scully?”

“Have you?”

“I asked first. I was just wondering if being totally honest with each other would actually be beneficial to our partnership. Workwise, that is.”

“Workwise…I see. And by total honesty, you mean like some kind of truth or dare.”

“If you choose to see it that way. I guess.”

“Mulder, I am always honest with you.”

“Really?”

“Now who’s being sceptical? Yes, I am honest with you.”

“But you see, I’m not sure you’re being totally honest, Scully.”

“Truth or dare, Mulder. Just ask the damned question.”

“Are you really reading an article on cell injury?”

“Dare.”

“Ooh, Scully. I dare you to strip naked and run up and down the street three times.”

“Mulder, aside from the fact that if I do that three times I’m not going to get back to car, I don’t think that we should jeopardise our stake out on a dare like that.”

“So you’ve already reneged on your first dare. Truth, Scully?”

“Ask another question.”

“No. I want you to answer my first question truthfully. Are you reading about cell injury?”

“No, Mulder. I’m not.”

“And…”

“And, it’s my turn to ask you a question. Truth or dare?”

“Scully.”

“Mulder, are you reading Celebrity Skin?”
“No.”

“Are you reading something pornographic?”

“Define pornography.”

“I think you know the answer to that better than I do, Mulder.”

“Scully, pornography is usually a selfish perspective – a male perspective. There is an element of distance, where the female, usually, is seen as an object rather than a person, as opposed to…”

“What?”

“Erotica, where the parties involved are willing, consensual and equally fulfilled by the activities.”

“Erotica.”

“Erotica is often seen as a more female oriented genre. It has a softer image than pornography. It seems more acceptable, almost more intellectual, cerebral.”

“Is that right?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Scully.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I found your stories.”

“My what?”

“In amongst your expenses reports. Your erotic stories…”

“They’re not mine.”

“Scully, if there is an agent at the FBI who read ‘Alien’ fan-fiction I think I would have sat with him in the cafeteria on my first day here. Come on. I know it’s you. As I said, there’s no shame. Ripley is a great female character. Why wouldn’t you want to read about her, her adventures, her love life?”

“That’s not what it’s like…I…Mulder, I’m so…I don’t know what to say…I’m embarrassed.”

“Scully, you should know by now that there should be no secrets between us. None.”

“This is hardly a secret. This is just a…”

“A peccadillo?”

“You make it sound sordid, when you put it that way.”

“Scully, there is nothing sordid about sex.”

“Says the man with an obscene Triple X bill. I can’t believe I left that story in the copier. Supposing someone else had got hold of it. How humiliating.”

“Scully, please don’t feel embarrassed. I copied the story. I read it. It was well written, the narrative was strong, the characterisation was spot on.”

“Mulder, it was smut.”

“Yet it was still literary. That’s a skill.”

“It is one of the better ones I’ve read.”

“And how long have you been addicted?”

“It’s not an addiction! It’s a way to…relax. It sort of turns my brain off. Allows me to chill out, forget about the day, the case, the office politics, whatever.”

“I understand, Scully. More than you could ever know.”

“I guess some people drink, some people eat Doritos, some people inject heroin. I read fan fiction. I confess. Do I need the 12 step program?”
“I get it, Scully. I really do.”

“But this is me, Mulder. This is the Ice Queen. Mrs Spooky. The professional sceptic. The spy in your ointment. I write the reports, I do the paperwork, I dot the Is, cross the Ts. I am not supposed to have feelings, or emotions, or to do the wrong thing. That’s you. I’m the one who follows the rules. I don’t print out erotic fiction in the office. I don’t read it on stake-outs. What? What’s this?”

“My confession.”

“Your what? I don’t understand. What is this, Mulder?”

“This is what I’ve been reading.”

“Mulder, this is fan fiction. I’ve read this one. It’s widely held…”

“To be the best of its kind in the fandom. I know. It’s great. I’ve read it multiple times. It kills me every single time.”
“Are you teasing me?”

“No! I love this shit. It’s the perfect way to escape our work. I mean, I know you think I go home and watch porn or I go swing a baseball bat or shoot some hoops, but you’ll find that I’m more likely to be eye-deep in fan fiction – Alien, Star Trek, Star Wars – have you read the Leia/Han stories? You’d love them.”
“Mulder…”

“I know. It’s weird, isn’t it? Me and you. Sharing the same guilty pleasure. Are you crying, Scully?”

“No. Yes.”

“Scully, do you have any other kinks?”

“Mulder.”

“I’m serious. You keep me guessing. I love that about you.”

“Well, I do know how to tie more than one hundred different types of knot. Courtesy of my dad. Does that thrill you?”

“Depends where you’re tying ‘em.”

“And I know how to say fuck you in about twenty different languages. Courtesy of my sister.”

“That might come in useful one day. Any more?”

“I seem to be doing all the revealing here, Mulder. You’re not playing fair.”

“I don’t have any special skills. I’m completely boring. You now know everything about me. Fan fiction and all.”

“Mulder, do you ever wonder where we’ll end up? I mean we can’t spend the rest of our lives reading fan fic on stake outs or hunting ghosts and ghoulies. What do you want? Where do you see yourself in five, ten, twenty years? Do you want the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids, do you want to retire and do the UFO talk circuit? Do you ever think about the future?”

“I do.”

“And?”

“Scully…I think that’s our suspect.”