i came to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

  • Me, on a date: so how do you feel about using old memes?
  • Them: I honestly hate people using memes that have expired. It's not funny anymore
  • Me, shoving breadsticks into my purse: I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now
The Tale Of How A Girl Scout Stole From Me

So listen– 

My roommate in college is a Girl Scout leader, and her scouts really wanted to explore a dorm room because they think it’s cool, being in college and all. So I let these girls in my room, just kind of smiling and them being really excited and thinking it was rad and such. Now I was sitting in my lofted bed the entire time, so I wasn’t really paying that much attention when they were looking at my stuff underneath me. One was crouching below me, while another one was talking to me, distracting me (we’ll get to her later), and then the other one came back up, and she stopped talking to me. After they leave, I get out of the bed to close our blinds. The cord is right by where I keep all my gems and rocks that I collect, and I noticed my palm-size citrine was missing. I looked on the floor, around it and everything and could not find any shards from a fall or anything. It wouldn’t have been that big a deal had I not just got it a week ago from my aunt who got it for me because of the meanings and spiritual stuff surrounding it, so it means a lot to me. 

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but I texted my roommate asking if by any chance one of the girls had accidentally picked it up or something, and I didn’t get a response. 

Now I was on a time limit because if the meeting ended and all the girls went their separate ways, I would probably lose this rock forever. It shouldn’t have been that big a deal, but at this point I just needed to know if a ten year old stole from me. 

I called my roommate after she didn’t respond for about fifteen minutes, and finally she answered and said she read the texts and she was asking them at that exact moment. None were ‘fessing up. But then one said “I have one exactly like that, that size, that color, but I brought it from home.” My roommate immediately knew there was some shady shit going on there, so she asked to see it. This kid opens up this flimsy little folder and had stuffed my rock away into the little pocket. My roommate took picture of it, and me, being oblivious to what the situation was, confirmed that was my rock and I was so glad it was found. Even after that, she kept with the story, kept saying it was hers, got it from home, so on. And THE OTHER GIRL FROM EARLIER was defending her saying “Yea, that’s her rock, she showed me earlier” and I feel so used??? By ten year olds?? Bamboozled?? They plotted against me to take my rock, they had a plan and everything? I had so much shit underneath my bed and on the window sill, tsum tsum’s, hello kitty stuff, candy, things I wouldn’t notice were missing, but they had to pull the ultimate heist. Thinking they can get away with it. I think not.

It gets better.

Then her dad shows up. She immediately twisted her story into that she had gotten from school. Where from school? Her locker. How’d it get into her locker? She said she didn’t know, it just showed up one day. The dad kept interrogating her, but she was not budging. My roommate said that she would bring the rock to have me look at it, and that we would look to make sure that I hadn’t just misplaced mine, and she would bring it back if it was not mine, trying to be like a good leader, like she is, but the little girl responded with “Well it’s mine, but she can have it” trying make me look bad.

Now, it’s been a few hours since then, and we just got an email from one of the parents saying she had confessed and her reason was because she has low self-esteem. The subject line was “‘Her name’ and the Rock” and I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a while.

TL;DR: Lesson learned, don’t trust Girl Scouts, don’t bring them into your home. You will be ROBBED and you’ll never want to buy another girl scout cookie in your life.

A year in 2014

January: Selfie Olympics

February: Flappy Bird

March: No Oscar for Leonardo DiCaprio

April: It’s a metaphors, you’re a metaphors, we are a metaphor, if I see another metaphor I’m going to kill someone

May: HOENN INTENSIFIES

June: Luigi death stare

July: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

August: Ice bucket Challenge

September: MaddenGIFERATOR

October: Skeleton War

November: When mom isn’t home

December: Crave that mineral

Tolkien characters as memes
  • Me, an intellectual: Gandalf, Elrond
  • She is beauty, she is grace, she will punch you in the face: Éowyn, Lúthien, Legolas (let's be honest xd)
  • The dress: Galadriel (is she blue and black or is she white and gold?)
  • I came out to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now: Bilbo, Déagol (ha. ha.), Túrin (ha. ha. ha.)
  • *shoving breadsticks into the purse*: Turgon
  • okay... that sounds fake but okay...: Thranduil, Manwë
  • perfect men don't exis-: Aragorn, Éomer, Faramir, literally hALF OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE YOU READ LOTR
  • don't talk to me or my son ever again: um, Fëanor??? and like, all Fëanorians and their sons and the sons of their sons what even is this family???
@ all the antis

Me: *scrolling through a ship tag*
*comes across a hate post*
Anti: ew I hate *insert ship here* they are so gross I don’t understand why anyone would like them. They are so disgusting to look at and-
Me: THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE IN THE TAG???

The signs as memes

Aries: do you crave that mineral

Taurus: pepe

Gemini: I’m a snerson (snake person)

Cancer: I’m a snerson (snail person)

Leo: blowing the trumpet and slamming the oven door

Virgo: RICKROLLING

Libra: I’ve never heard of a George Glass at our sküle

Scorpio: left shark

Sagittarius: inappropriate audition songs

Capricorn: *looks at smudged writing on hand*

Aquarius: I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Pisces: putting things in that weird-ass advertisement frame

  • Hamilton: There's a million things I haven't done.. Just you wait!
  • Burr: *waits for it*
  • Hamilton: Jefferson has my vote
  • Burr: I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now