i bought something online for the first time


I present to you: My Mettaton EX cosplay, debuted at Anthrocon 2017!

The first 5 were taken on Friday of the con like 10 hours after putting on the costume / makeup, so a little was wearing off, but it held up pretty well for the most part! The last 3 were Saturday morning immediately after applying the makeup.

Friday’s makeup took 5 hours, while Saturday’s took about 2 and a half (Friday I did it on Facebook live, and also I don’t have a great work surface at home). I’ve practiced it so many times, and I’m so glad it turned out as well as it did!

The main body of the costume was ordered online with custom measurements. I didn’t have the sewing / construction skills to make something that complex and have it look good, so that was the best option for me! Wig was bought on eBay, and I styled it myself (my first time doing so!).

I was having problems with the shoulder things, but I’ll get that figured out eventually!

Had a blast at the con, though! Everyone loved my cosplay, and I made some new friends.

- Mod A

i work at a kids toy store and currently, during back to school season, it seems to be the season of grandmothers who just want to make my life as hard as humanly possible. i normally deal with it alright but this morning i just had one lady who… she came up with her husband and her two grandsons, the first thing she does is look at the toys at the front of the shop and go, very irritated

“they were cheaper online”

which, they’re not, i know. she complains that we made them more expensive in the store to rip her off. we didn’t, they’re the same price online. i told her that if she can show me that on the website they’re the price she claimed ($22 instead of $27 for one of them) and it’s not listed as an online exclusive sale then i would honor it because that’s what we’re supposed to do

she pulls out her phone, tells me she’ll “show me where it is” and proceeds to google our company name and then scroll through google images and starts getting huffy when she can’t find it. great.

so finally they get all their stuff picked out and she’s asking me a ton of questions, which is fine, but she’s being super rude about it, which isn’t fine. we give out these little freebies with every purchase, super cheap little things and she starts going, “oh my grandson is special so he always gets two” which is fine, we don’t strictly limit them to one per person he can have two if he wants i literally don’t care so i’m like, “okay awesome we’ll make sure he gets two!”

i help them pick out their toys and everything and when we go up to checkout. this old woman says, “we also want to order something online” which is fine, we do that all the time if we don’t have it in the store and if you order and pay in the store for it you get free shipping if your total is over a certain amount (including what you bought in that purchase in the store) which hers was.

but to have something be shipped to your house, you have to provide some basic information. a name, an email, a phone number and an address. this woman… first off she says, “well i don’t have an email! we don’t believe in email!”

and so finally we sort this out and get the kids’ mom to ok using her email on it. then i ask her for the rest of the info and it turns out she doesn’t know: her address, her phone number, her zip code, what city she lives in or basically anything required for ordering something that will be shipped to your house.

thirty minutes and quite a lot of text correspondence with her daughter later, i’m completely sure i have her street address right, pretty sure about the city she lives in, and so so on the zipcode and phone number. now, you’re thinking, you can look up a phone number in a phone right, she has a phone…

that she absolutely would not let me come near and told me she didn’t want anyone to see her personal stuff. which is fine but me attempting to verbally explain how to find her phone number on her phone got us nowhere because she couldn’t follow my instructions.

then, she becomes extremely suspicious about paying. she argues with me that there is no enter button on the pin pad despite me describing it and its location extensively and keeps just trying to press the screen, which doesn’t work that way on that prompt. eventually the pin pad times out so i offered to come around and show her where the enter button is and help her out and she got extremely angry at me for trying to “steal her information” so i just ask her to slide her card again and explain the pin pad timed out.

she immediately accuses me of charging her twice and tells me that if she finds out it had charged her bank account twice there would be “hell to pay” which i doubt because given her level of technological competence, i could probably have charged her bank account 20 times and she wouldn’t ever have noticed.

this time i try to point out which button she needs to press by blindly indicating it on the pin pad that i could not see and she got mad at me again for trying to “mess up her transactions” and accused me of trying to “con her out of money” by “pressing buttons” which i didn’t press and patiently explained that she would have to press herself (not policy but i figured it couldn’t hurt to let her believe it was) because i didn’t want to mess up her transaction

eventually we get to the end of it and she demands i give her a copy of the receipt from “when it didn’t work before” and wouldn’t hear it when i tried to explain that her payment just didn’t go through so there was no other receipt. eventually i just covertly rang up an empty transaction and voided it so i could show her a receipt that said the transaction was “voided” so she “wasn’t charged twice” which she seemed to accept and walk away

she said she was coming back to have us help her with what she’d ordered (we also help assemble toys in the store) so………… great


I know I didn’t really participate in TRC month this year cuz i’m bad, but I still wanted to participate in the introductions cuz i’m still part of the fandom… sorta? right? I love TRC ok. Interesting point: One of these pictures is of me and one is simply an illustration of my two basic moods. can you guess which is which?

anyway you can call me jenzie or boateggs or eggy or boaty whatever you like. No one has ever called me eggy or boaty but I’m fine with it. I’m 25 and I live in Wisconsin AKA WINsconsin!!!!!! (I like it here)

I actually read TRC not that long ago. I’d been super into anime and manga a lot when I was younger (CLAMP stuff especially, Wish was my first manga) but I’d kind of fallen out of it… time spent in my high school’s anime club actually made me like anime LESS, because I didn’t want to be associated with these people who thought it was okay to “glomp” people without consent and thought it was hilarious to cartoonishly hit people over the heads with heavy objects, so I just kind of stopped watching/reading any of it except for like Yu Yu Hakusho/Trigun/a few others.

Then @llybian had to go and remind me of how great CLAMP is and got me started on a huge anime/manga kick again, which included finally reading TRC and xxxHolic for the first time.

Like most of us I think my favorite things about TRC are the characters. The art is incredible as well, as it always is with CLAMP!

My hobbies are video games, movies, reading, listening to music, and writing and drawing even though I don’t do them enough. Also you probably can’t tell from my selfie skills but I love photography.

Other fandoms would be other CLAMP stuff (esp CCS), Marvel, Yu Yu Hakusho, Pokemon, Borderlands, Disgaea… I’m also pretty obsessed with Bob’s Burgers, Archer, Venture Bros, and oldschool Simpsons and Futurama. Talk to me about most any video game and I’ll probably have something to say about it.

Fun facts: I compulsively chew my fingers! I’ve had numerous dental surgeries, including a super fun bone graft (friends don’t let friends ride Razor scooters)! I’ve bought Diablo 3 seven times! SEVEN TIMES.



Something smutty with Harry, hope you enjoy! Requests are open -here-

I knew that when I purchased the item from Love Honey, there was no going back, I’d have to show you because well, truth be told, I couldn’t wait for Christmas. It was due any day now and of course the day it arrives, you had to be the one that collected the post. ‘’What’s this?’’ I heard you question whilst holding up a rather small package but big enough for the item secured inside. I placed my laptop down on the table, the emails I was currently going through soon forgotten about as I walked over to you and snatched the small parcel from your fingers. ‘’Nothing you need to worry your little head about, not yet anyway.’’ I mumbled to you whilst I squished my fingers down onto the package to feel around for the item.

‘’Why are you being coy about this? You always tell me what you order online.’’ I watched as you stuck your bottom lip out, I couldn’t help but smile as I knew it was getting to you, not knowing what I’d ordered. It was true, I did always tell you what I’d ordered online because nine times out of ten you were the one that helped me order the item in the first place. I never do my Christmas shopping for you online anymore, I made that mistake the first year as a couple. You went snooping on my laptop for clues and you found every single item I had bought for you. So, to be a pain; I must now physically go to the shops to buy you your gifts. ‘’It’s just a little something I thought would be nice for you when I’m away princess.’’ Your eyebrows furrowed and I could see the cogs turning in your head before your eyebrows raised, ‘’did you get me a vibrator?’’ I chuckled lightly as I shook my head, taking your hand and leading you back over to the sofa. ‘’No, you’ve got plenty of them, this is kind of like that but it’s pretty and I know you’ll like it.’’ I said confidently whilst tearing open the package. I opened the seal and peeked inside, I could see you out the corner of my eye you trying to peek over my shoulder to have a look. I tucked it into my chest and tutted.

‘’Be a good girl for daddy and just wait okay? I’m just making sure it’s what I ordered.’’ I watched you nod your head before you sat back and waited patiently for what I was about to give to you, ‘’I want you to be honest with me okay? If you don’t like it, tell daddy and I’ll change it for something you do want and like.’’  You nodded your head once again but that wasn’t good enough for me and you knew it, ‘’Where are your words? You know it irritates daddy when you don’t use your words.’’ I spoke to you softly with a slight edge to my voice so you knew I wasn’t playing games. ‘’I’m sorry daddy, I’ll tell you if I don’t like it.’’ The almost desperate tinge to your voice had me shifting on the sofa as I dug my hand into the brown padded package. I pulled out a further smaller clear package which held the item I had ordered for you. I glanced up at your face before I threw the now empty package onto the table before pulling the lace underwear from the clear package. I nodded my head towards you for you to take the item from my grasp.

‘’Underwear? Harry, I don’t get it…’’ I smirked and slowly licked over my lips as I saw genuine confusion spread across your face. I mean I get the confusion, I buy you underwear on a weekly basis so I guess right in this moment, having a pretty pair of lace underwear in your hand isn’t anything new. ‘’Just go and put them on for daddy yeah? I want to see them on you.’’ I muttered under my breath at you as you held the lace material tight in your hand before disappearing into one of the downstairs toilets to change. I quickly leaned forward to grab the instructions that were inside the package, I read them carefully and quickly all whilst downloading their app on my phone which is a big part in how the device works.

‘’I love them, they’re super comfortable and I think they look good on me.’’ I heard your voice from behind me so I turned my body slightly to see you wandering through in your underwear and an old shirt of mine. I couldn’t help the spread of a smirk that plastered on my face as I nodded my head. ‘’Of course they look good on you, I picked them and it’s you. Model them for daddy princess.’’ I watched a shy smile make it’s way onto your face as you slowly walked around to where I was sat before you started to sway your hips ever so slightly. I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes as I concentrated fully on how they cupped your cunt perfectly as well as your ass. ‘’Turn, let me see your ass better princess.’’ You did as I said and slowly turned your back to me before accentuating your bum by pushing it out.

‘’Come here, come sit on daddy’s knee.’’ I said huskily, my arousal evident in my voice. You padded your way over to me before you slowly sank down into my lap, legs either side of my thighs. I looked up at you through my lashes with a lazy smirk on my face, ‘’Got anything to say to daddy princess?’’ You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth before you nodded your head; ‘’Yes, thank you daddy, I love them but why the need for all that packaging for one item? Talk about killing the environment.’’ I chuckled as you seriously had no idea what that pair of underwear was capable of but instead of spoiling the surprise I just simply shrugged my shoulders. ‘’I don’t know princess, maybe they like their packaging and as much as I want to fuck right now, we need to be getting ready. We’re meeting your parents for dinner in an hour and I’d hate for us to be late. Leave them on though, I want to take them off you tonight.’’ I said whilst cupping your bum and tugging you closer to my body so I could place a few delicate kisses to your lips.


We were first at the restaurant which gave us time to get settled at the table and have a glass of champagne before your parents arrived. I was just about to start the ball rolling on your underwear when I watched your parents make their way over to the table. After the greetings, we all sat comfortably, talking about recent job antics and future ones. As I listened to your dad order what everyone wanted for their main course, I took it upon myself to lay my phone on my thigh before I pressed the ‘start’ button. I selected a low buzz for now, I’ll increase it when I deem necessary. I glanced over the table at you to see your eyes widen before you shifted in your seat a little. ‘’You okay princess?’’ I said whilst keeping my eyes glued to your face as you looked up at me with big eyes, ‘’Y-Yeah, I’m fine…’’ I nodded my head before muttering a ‘good’ under my breath. I clicked the ‘stop’ button and watched as your body physically relaxed back into the seat.

I knew I’d got you exactly where I wanted you, dripping wet and anticipating when the next wave of pleasure would hit. We were sat comfortably during our main course when I decided to notch it up to ‘medium’ and quickly clicked ‘start.’ I let my eyes move over to you and I could have groaned out myself just by the look on your face. Your eyebrows were furrowed in a way I knew only too well, your bottom lip was tucked deliciously into your mouth and if you parents weren’t sat with us right now, I just know you’d be whimpering. I went to pop another piece of my grilled chicken into my mouth when I heard you speak up; ‘’Daddy, could you pass me the salt.’’ Not even thinking, I reached for the salt just as your dad did. I quickly pulled my hand away and shot my stare over to you to see your eyes wide – this was definitely a first, never had this happened before. Mainly because I was more aware of my surroundings and who I was with. Shit. I had to think of something quickly. ‘’So (Y/N) told me that you were selling the house, if it’s because of any financial difficulties, you know me and (Y/N) wouldn’t mind lending you money.’’ That was good Harry, keep going. ‘’Of course, I don’t want to pry or stick my nose in, just curious.’’ Your mum smiled softly at me before going on to explain that they’re just wanting something smaller and more manageable. Nice save Styles.

It was hard listening to any conversation taking place when you were sat opposite me and I knew what was going on between your thighs. I argued with your dad for a solid five minutes about who was going to pay for the bill but in the end, I won. We said our goodbyes by the cars before going our separate ways. I leaned down just as I was helping you in the car and whispered in your ear; ‘’We’re not going home yet; I’m going to make a tiny detour.’’ I watched your throat bob up and down as you swallowed thickly but nodded anyway. Once we were both in the car, buckled up and ready for where I was going to take you I pulled out my phone and opened the app. ‘’It works by app?!’’ I simply smirked at you as I nodded my head, ‘’Oh yeah princess, daddy can control this whenever and wherever he likes. I could be in LA for work and you could be right here in London and it would work. Technology hey?’’ I laughed slightly as I looked back down at my screen and decided to just go all out and set it to ‘high’ before I pressed ‘start.’

‘’Oh shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck… daddy please touch me.’’ I heard you whimper out from the seat next to me and I shook my head, ‘’Not yet, don’t even think about touching yourself either. We’re going to go on a little drive and also, try not to come.’’ I smirked more to myself as I started the car and sped off down the road. I drove for around 10 minutes because to be honest, that’s all I could handle with hearing your moans and whimpers next to me. I needed inside of you and I needed it now. I pulled the car into an empty car park and quickly switched the ignition off before looking at you. Your head was tilted back against the headrest and your hands were gripping the seat so hard, your knuckles had turned white. ‘’Does my princess need to come?’’ I said to you whilst unbuckling my seat belt and shifting my body so I was closer to your face, you must have sensed I was there because your head was turned and your lips met mine which quickly turned into a heated kiss. I let out a deep breath through my nose as I pressed my lips harder to yours, a little grunt let my lips when I felt your hand cup my cock through my tight jeans. I reluctantly pulled my lips back from yours and nodded towards the backseats.

‘’Come on, daddy can’t wait any longer for you princess. I just want to fill your cunt full of come and then you can wear your pretty underwear for the rest of the ride home.’’ I watched as you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth as you quickly followed me into the backseat. ‘’How wet are you princess? Tell daddy…’’ I whispered softly as I tugged your body closer to mine and I heard a small whine leave your lips as you rubbed your thighs together to try and get even more friction. ‘’So wet daddy, please just fuck me, I need your cock so bad.’’ You whined out as I grabbed my phone and switched the underwear off and I watched your body physically shrink back as the sensation to your cunt was cut. I tossed my phone onto the front seat before I grabbed for your jeans and started to work quickly to get them down and when I did I was met with such a sight I just stopped and stared for what felt like hours but was only mere seconds. ‘’Holy fucking shit princess, you’re absolutely soaking.’’ I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I tugged your jeans down the rest of the way before I hooked my fingers into the waistband of your lace underwear and slowly pulled them down. Savouring the way, they slightly clung to your cunt due to how wet you were before I held them up on my pointer finger. ‘’You’ve absolutely soiled them; I mean it’s a shame that they’re going to be full of come as well isn’t it? Best forty quid I’ve ever spent.’’ I mumbled out as I moved to hover over you, ‘’open your mouth princess, daddy wants you to taste yourself whilst he fucks you.’’ You opened your mouth in a heartbeat, always so willing to please me.

I pushed the wet material into your mouth making sure the wettest part was pressed firmly against your tongue whilst I worked to take down my own jeans and boxers. My cock sprung free instantly and I let out a quiet sigh as it was nice to release it from the tightness. I brought my right hand up to my mouth, making sure your eyes were firmly on me before I spat down onto my hand then wrapped it around my cock. I knew you’d be more than wet enough but I just knew that it was a weakness of yours, watching me get myself off. ‘’You want daddy’s cock princess?’’ I watched you nod quickly as you let out a muffled moan, ‘’I can’t say no to that face, now can I? And you have been a good girl for daddy today.’’ I bent my leg that was off the seat so I could get to your cunt easier then ran the tip of my cock through your creamy slits, gathering as much wetness as I could. I just smirked to myself before I pushed my bare cock into you.

The feeling of taking you bare was relatively new, we’d discussed it one afternoon and since that day we haven’t used a condom since. I dragged my eyes up the length of your body until my eyes locked with yours. Your eyes were fluttering closed as I kept pushing my cock into your cunt over and over, getting harder with every thrust. I let out a deep grunt from my throat when I felt you constrict yourself around my cock, ‘’Yeah that’s it baby, squeeze daddy’s fucking cock, god I need you to come soon princess. Daddy isn’t going to last long tonight.’’ I saw a hint of a smirk spread across your face before your hand reached between the two of you so you could start to play with your clit to bring you closer to you orgasm. I couldn’t help but just watch the way your fingers rolled and flicked over the little bundle of nerves. My thrusts increased with speed and it soon became a needy, raw fuck. I needed to come, preferably inside of you but I couldn’t until you’d come first. That’s how this relationship worked and I wasn’t about to break a habit of a lifetime.

I could hear you moaning out ‘Harry’ from behind the underwear and it only spurred me on. I removed your hand from your clit and replaced it with my own and as soon as my fingers made contact with you, I could feel your cunt draw up, I quickly looked over to your face and it matched what I thought – you were coming. Hard and fast waves washing through your body. I quickly removed the underwear from your mouth and tossed them down onto your body and as I did I heard a loud moan leave your lips as I kept pushing my hips into yours to help ride you through your orgasm. ‘’Fuck that’s it princess, fuck you’re squeezing me so tight.’’ I kept up the quick pace of my hips as I felt my jaw go slack before I felt my own hot release leave my cock and coat your insides. As I was coming, I felt your body respond with mine just like always, as you started milking everything from my cock. I couldn’t help but collapse on top of you but I saved most of my weight on my arm next to your body so I didn’t completely crush you. ‘’I love you, I love you so much Harry.’’ I felt your hand run through my hair before tugging on it and I let out a small laugh as I brought my head up from your neck and just stared down at you. ‘’I love you so much more princess.’’

I closed the small gap between us to press my lips softly against yours, I made sure to keep it slow and gentle just like I did after something as intense as that was. I pulled my mouth away from yours and let my eyes flicker all over your face before smiling, ‘’I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?’’ You shook your head as you caressed a hand down my cheek before whispering out a hoarse ‘no’ and I nodded slowly in response. I carefully sat myself back on heels, pulling my softening cock from your cunt which resulted in gravity catching up with us, as my come slowly oozed back out of you. I grabbed your underwear from your stomach and carefully pulled them back up your legs. ‘’Now that’s sorted, I think home is in order and a nice hot soak in the bath?’’ You nodded your head in agreement and I couldn’t help but just smile as I watched you sit yourself back up so you could bundle your hair up into a high ponytail. You were completely and utterly it for me, my princess.

LOOK! MY @aboutchopsuey PHONE CASE IS FINALLY HERE!!! i’ve been impatiently tracking down the order almost EVERYDAY & i am ecstatic. look at how beautiful it is?! now i can carry my two favourite people in the universe with me :)

peppermint spice and everything (not) nice

summary; an unexpected occurrence during sex leads dan and phil to a&e on christmas eve

word count; 1.5k

warnings; swearing, lingerie!dan, blowjobs

a/n; hello hello – smut is definitely not my forte but i gave it a shot
((3/5 days of ficmas complete – click here to read others))


Dan arrived home shortly after with a bottle of wine and a small cactus, instead of a bouquet of flowers; he really knew what Phil wanted in life. Phil let Dan get settled on his own by ridding himself of his jacket and shoes, before taking his hand and leading him into their bedroom.

“I have something for you,” Phil smiled. Dan glanced around in awe as they entered their bedroom. He pulled a box from under their bed, lifted the lid, and revealed the lingerie he’d bought for Dan. “I thought you’d look ravishing in this and had to buy it for you.”

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anonymous asked:

Hi Sarah. I'm a senior in high school, and I want to be a fashion designer. But when I told my parents, they flipped and did not support me wanting to apply to a school for fashion design. I was so shocked when I saw how they reacted, like i had committed a crime or something. I'm going to start school in the fall in a business school. But I really want to be a fashion designer. I feel like I can't be myself when I'm around my parents. Did you parents act similarly? If they did, what'd u do?

 I mean I was designing clothing since I was like 13 or 12 and through that entire time they just considered it a phase that I would get over so when I graduated high school and they were like “so what are you going to do? law school? be a doctor?..” i was like binch.. I’M G O I N G TO BE A FASHION DESIGNER?? like why are you confused about that?? lol and I applied for all these design programs in NYC and Miami and got accepted to just about every single one but my parents refused to help me fund schooling if that was what I was going to do so I just decided to go to the local state college for journalism.
Which really fucking sucked because I basically felt really overwhelmed and gave up on it and settled for being a writer because it was something I was good at even though I wasn’t a passionate about it. (I love writing, reading and research but not nearly as much as I love being a creative.) 

Ironically, I was actually doing really well with my writing career, within my first year of school I was running my own online magazine with a staff of writers and fashion bloggers and my site got bought out by a corporation.. I ended up leaving school, moving to NYC on their dime and working for that corporation as the Lead Editor and youngest department head. A lot happened during my time there that sort of changed my life. Like being 19 working a corporate job is an experience in itself. During my time there I sort of inadvertently got really involved with the design team. (the clothing they were producing sucked for a lot of reasons but it was crazy because they had some of the best streetwear designers in the industry working at that corporation and I learned A LOT thanks to them I started becoming a major part of the design process while I was there, at every meeting, presenting my projects to the CEO, and I realized how much I loved clothing design and even though I was on my way to doing so well.. I mean I was like taking AMAZING strides as a writer.. I was never really happy doing that, I felt like I was short changing myself.. it never really felt right…

it was crazy because considering the fact that I had essentially given up as a designer I found myself exactly where I wanted to be, in NYC working with a design team.. it was kind of a major revelation for me. Like at that moment i couldn’t believe I almost let a little thing like my parents disapproval stand in the way of something so big. 

My time working there eventually came to an end and when it was over I had the choice of working for almost any company of my choosing OR really taking advantage of the time I spent, the things I learned and doing this for real, for real. I moved back to Florida spent the first few months I was there locked inside creating and posting the things I made online and soon after 000sportwear was born. 

tbh to this day my parents are still not entirely happy with me being a designer but tbh I really can’t find it in me to care. Like I’m not going to be ignorant to all that my time working corporate taught me, I’m truly going to do what I want because I know I can, i already knew that I had vision and talent and now Im equipped with the approval of people I once looked up too and ended up being my colleague.. and I can’t see my life turning out any other way.

A Letter To Benedict

Dear Benedict,

I know you don’t read social media, so this is safe. I can say what I need, and not have to worry about the embarrassment. At the Adelaide ComicCon today, (Sunday, April 6th) I wanted to tell you today “thank you” when you signed your photograph for me. Which I did, but probably not in a way that was it was meant.

So, I write this letter now, to get it out of me, because well, after asking to chase down an official to give you a very small note to say as much as I could with my “thank you”, we obviously couldn’t. I obviously thought there was no harm in asking, and you’ll never know if you don’t ask. I wanted to tell you during your panel, but it wasn’t to be.

So, here I’ll tell you now. And what my small, meek, and frightened “thank you” meant. For me, and toward you. 

I’m 28 years old. 8 years ago this month, I lost my best friend, a mere 3 years after I lost my youngest daughter, and my son. I crawled into a hole so dark, I have barely been breathing since. I put myself into an abusive toxic relationship that not only left me suicidal, but terrified to leave my house. I was housebound for 6 years. I wasn’t able to do my shopping, terrified to go to a simple doctor’s appointment, or even walk my dogs.

When my late fiance died of a heart attack due to post-war traumatic stress in early 2010, my nephew was diagnosed of a rare disease only months before. He was born with it, and he died with it in 2011 - and I shut myself out from even leaving my bedroom most of the time.

In October, on my would-be late friend’s birthday, I made them a promise that I would get out and find something to get out enough for, that I’d fight for it. On Friday two days before the ComicCon, I was floored. Being a fan of the Sherlock story arc, AND of your work outside of it - it was my ledge to grip to. I had been losing faith these last few weeks and thought I was going to have to live with limits for the rest of my life now.

But through agony, gripping fear and many MANY tears, I made it through the car ride, made it through the ticket gate and probably made a damn fool of myself in line in front of everybody (but I met some wonderful, supportive people as well) One of the volunteers, had been aware of my struggle since I bought the token for an autograph (photos were sold out) when she handed me the ticket, I almost collapsed into tears. It was then that it finally hit me that I’d made it. I was out of the house, I was FREE. For the first time in 8 years, I’d done something more than just attended a family member’s funeral that was being streamed online because I couldn’t bear to attend. I was no longer living in a horror story.

When she saw me in line again, she had told me to wait, and she would speak to someone to bring me up front so that I didn’t have to bare the crowds and possible “anxiety zone” for too long. “Anxiety zone” is what I call a situation or place that I am unfamiliar with, or can be triggering. It usually causes me to run away back to my comfort zone and well…miss out on millions of opportunities. 

As we stood there, I fought in my head what to say. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to have a panic attack because my parents had to wait outside (they had no token) This volunteer, was a lovely lady named Fiona. She asked me did I want anything written on it personally. “I said, I just want to tell him "thank you”. She suggested something like “a job well done.” She was worried I wouldn’t stay calm. “I don’t get star struck” I told her.

And I don’t. For my own reasons, I find no point in making a big deal of meeting someone that is just another person. But, I’ll say this right now. If I was meant to explain my “thank you” to you, I would have cried. Not because I was star struck, but because a person who doesn’t even *know* me, gave me more strength, courage and will to fight through my demons more than anyone else close to me has in 8 whole YEARS. It was because I would have been so overwhelmed with gratitude that just you being here to see your fans, gave me a reason to leave my self-made prison.

In 5 days, It will be 8 years since I lost my best friend, who kept my head above water when I lost my children. In the same 5 days, it will be the anniversary of my would-be wedding (we would have been married 3 years if h had made it to our wedding day). In 8 days, it will be 3 years since my nephew died. He was only 20 months old.

I dread April every single year. It is the start of three months of nightmares because of my children’s birthdays and anniversaries, it is the date I buried another child in my family, and my best friend. It is a month of unrest, tears, and pain. Today, was a candle for me. In more ways that I don’t think these words can ever explain. You have made April bearable and survivable again.

I’m not thanking you because I am just one of the millions of fans you inspire everyday. I’m not thanking you because you’re Benedict Cumberbatch, and I’m just Amy. I am thank you for just BEING here to be something I could move FORWARD to. I’m a thanking you for coming here because you gave me a reason to LEAVE.

I’m not sure if it was explained to you when Fiona graciously and very carefully let me “jump the queue”. Heck, you might not have even noticed at all that I wasn’t in the line, and then suddenly I was “there”. But if that “thank you” I gave you between the small, brief 4-word exchanges between us sounded small, if it sounded meek - this is why. I no longer know how to talk to people who do such gracious things, because there hasn’t been many of those people for so long in my life. I didn’t know what else to say, because I had nothing else.

I am crying as I’m typing this, just thinking back over the events of the day. Meeting and making new friends for the first time in 10 years, and then two simple words of “Hello Amy” from you, and “Thank you” from me. I hope no one ever can understand what that means to me. Even you, because it would mean they would have had to be stuck and trapped too. I couldn’t wish that upon anyone.

“Hello Amy” seems so petty and ordinary. But to me, it said “You’re here.” That’s all my head heard, and is still hearing. The fact I was STANDING there outside of my house, the fact that I kept my promise, and just you being here gave me that thing I needed to keep it.

So honestly. Just THANK YOU for being here. Thank you for taking time out when and where you could and being HERE when you could have gone to Sydney or Melbourne or any of the other cities like everyone else does and SKIPS us. Thank you for your “Hello Amy” and your acknowledgement that I was THERE. That I had MADE it. That I left my house and I don’t EVER have to go back inside.

Normally, I do not see the point in autographs. I find them quite…useless and nothing really special about a signature other than it being a personal calling card of someone that in most cases (not all) don’t add anything to your life but piece of paper and some ink. This is one autograph I cannot say the same about. It is so simple, but it says so much to me. It is not your signature, it is something that says to me “He said hello, and you were standing there.”

I will cherish those four words for the rest of my life that I briefly shared with you. I know, you will never think of me again, but that’s okay. I will remember you for the rest of my life. I will remember when you said “hello” to me. I will remember that I was there, and YOU were the reason I fought for, because I just needed that moment to tell myself I could do it. And I think (but I can’t be sure because I think my brain had shut-out the words) that you said “thank you” to me too, but honestly. I am in awe of that possibility. I hope you never ever have to feel the need to thank me. I have done nothing for you to thank. But you, you gave me EVERYTHING with “Hello Amy”. You said my name, and you said “hello”. I will never EVER stop thanking you for that. Ever. You gave me my world back today.

THANK YOU. Until long after my last breath. Thank you.

Mama, Outfit of the Day ♡

Today we took Lohan to the beach for the first time and the opportunity for me to wear something else than my pregnancy shorts or jeans.

I bought this bikini online a few weeks ago, to be honest I don’t really like the blue color but I loved this one as soon as I saw it, and above all it’s very comfortable, even when you’re pregnant.

This one is not a pregnancy bikini, I just took a size up from my normal size because my body hasn’t really changed. everything is in the bump haha

Bikini by Metens | Hat by M1ss Duo