i bled for like

5 things I did that improved my mental health in the last 1 year

1. I realized my worth. It was so hard because it meant letting go of those who didn’t. And those were the people that I loved. It hurt so bad. When the ropes that tied them to me were cut, I got cut too. I bled. It hurt. But then those wounds healed like wounds always do. And Now? I am free.

2. I started taking care of myself and that involved going back to the things I learned as a child. Brush your teeth. Take a shower. Sleep on time. Sleep enough. Drink loads of water. Walk. Let your skin shower in sunlight. I keep a habit tracker. It’s simple. It lets me be conscious of my daily needs and whether or not I am fulfilling them.

3. I learned that you don’t always have to respond. To what people say, to that person texting you after 8 months of complete silence, to negative comments, to accusations. It doesn’t make you a coward. Not in the least. What it really does is, is let you be at peace. But the hard part? I also learned that you don’t always have to respond to ‘I love you’ either.

4. I learned to not be extreme. Yes I don’t want to do anything with them. But do I need to burn their letters? Delete all pictures? Even when I’m not sure how that will make me feel in the long run? No. I learned to store it all away in a place I wouldn’t touch until I wanted to. It’s been a year. I haven’t once touched.

It works for all aspects of life. Had a bad day at work? Do you just yell and quit? No. Have 100 bad days at work where they don’t respect you but still continue to be silent and work? No any extreme isn’t good.

5. Food is important. So important. They just don’t say ‘you are what you eat’ to sound silly. Food is literally you putting something in yourself. You gotta be more mindful of what, when and how much you’re putting in. Don’t restrict yourself. But don’t not monitor yourself either.

I need us to talk about this.

Rihanna just shared promo teasers for her highly anticipated beauty line (FENTYBEAUTY.com) dropping on Sept 8th at midnight.

What we know about this so far:

• there’s 40 shades of FOUNDATION!!!
• her beauty campaign includes models who are visibly Muslim (Halima Aden), dark skinned goddess (Duckie Thot), a gap toothed beauty (Slick Woods) and so many other diverse folks of different ethnicities and shades (wish the diversity bled elsewhere like where my fat girls at though, I think I saw a curvier girl but not sure?)
• Fenty Beauty is developed in the same lab as Kat Von D and Marc Jacobs, so we already know the make up’s formula WILL be 💣.com

5 things I did that improved my mental health in the last 1 year

1. I realized my worth. It was so hard because it meant letting go of those who didn’t. And those were the people that I loved. It hurt so bad. When the ropes that tied them to me were cut, I got cut too. I bled. It hurt. But then those wounds healed like they always do. And Now? I am free.

2. I started taking care of myself and that involved going back to the things I learned as a child. Brush your teeth. Take a shower. Sleep on time. Sleep enough. Drink loads of water. Walk. Let your skin shower in sunlight. I keep a habit tracker. It’s simple. It lets me be conscious of my daily needs and whether or not I am fulfilling them.

3. I learned that you don’t always have to respond. To what people say, to that person texting you after 8 months of complete silence, to negative comments, to accusations. It doesn’t make you a coward. Not in the least. What it really does is, is let you be at peace. But the hard part? I also learned that you don’t always have to respond to ‘I love you’ either.

4. I learned to not be extreme. Yes I don’t want to do anything with them. But do I need to burn their letters? Delete all pictures? Even when I’m not sure how that will make me feel in the long run? No. I learned to store it all away in a place I wouldn’t touch until I wanted to. It’s been a year. I haven’t once touched.

It works for all aspects of life. Had a bad day at work? Do you just yell and quit? No. Have 100 bad days at work where they don’t respect you but still continue to be silent and work? No any extreme isn’t good.

5. Food is important. So important. They just don’t say 'you are what you eat’ to sound silly. Food is literally you putting something in yourself. You gotta be more mindful of what, when and how much you’re putting in. Don’t restrict yourself. But don’t not monitor yourself either.

Here’s the full transcript of Mark talking Darkiplier in the livestream

(Time approx. 3 hours, 52 minutes to 4 hours, 4 minutes into the stream. And, yes, this took forever). Thought you’d like this, maybe.

I’ve bolded stuff I find especially interesting.

~~~~~~~

Mark: Long ago, a long time ago, I liked to do these scary edits because I just felt like doing scary edits and this is how Darkiplier got born. And then what happened was over time Darkiplier became less and less about the scary figure and more about this romantic figure, and it always rubbed me the wrong way. And I kind of shied away from Darkiplier for a while. And I really really really- if I was going to bring Darkiplier, and when we thought about this, we thought, okay there should be a Darkiplier route. And that was there from the beginning, and so when I wanted to do it I wanted to do it my way, and I wanted to do it right, and I wanted to have this unending level of creepiness. And at the same time, I didn’t want to step on the toes of Antisepticeye because I know there’s a big fan base of that, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that at all and I really don’t care that there’s more than one dark personalities of people. But when I saw the opportunity to have this character here, I spent like 8 hours editing this, like just meticulously every single RBG. This is a layer, we green screened this one, I color corrected it, I separated the RBG layers I added the shakes and glitchiness every frame. I worked on the voice, too. The voice took me the longest to figure out. Like the shakes! And my computer was dying this whole time cause I put my effects on here.

Tyler: The amount of time you had to spend rendering this.

Mark: And so, the audio’s actually three separate layers. It would have been two, but Kathryn helped me out on that one to make it more clear. It’s a normal pitched layer that’s edited, echoed, reverbed, mastered, and convoluted which means it’s just thrown off to the left and right, and then it’s a deep layer of that. But then to make it really come together- it didn’t live without this center channel that wasn’t convoluted but was centered. But getting that voice right was so pinnacle, so paramount to what I wanted to come out of this. And we did like thirty minutes of shooting various versions of me talking to the camera and I wanted to pick the exact dialogue that really kind of gave away my idea of what Dark is in not a terribly obvious way.

Tyler: The other thing, this was supposed to all be one video.

Mark: But YouTube annotations, this new version doesn’t allow you to link the same video multiple times, so these are literally the old videos that I first did when Darkiplier first came about, like, these are the ones, especially this one here, and then this is my cheap knockoff Darkiplier.

Amy: Canon Darkiplier.

Mark: Canon Darkiplier. And I’m going to readily admit something. I joked about Darkiplier because it didn’t seem like something people wanted to take seriously, and I’m okay with that on certain aspects but it had diverged into multiple different facets and multiple different personalities, and everyone had their own version of Darkiplier, and I thought it was hilarious that, “Hey, here’s my version of Darkiplier, and he’s an idiot.” Like, he’s just this weird emo kid. And then I stepped back from that, like, I stepped back. And you can even- in that time, when I was doing those videos, in this era, I was not very happy. I was kind of… I was pessimistic about a lot of things. And I felt like that bled through in a lot of things I did. And that’s why even October of last year I literally made Darkiplier an emo character. And then when we were getting to this, I thought about it like very carefully and I thought back to why I did it originally, and I did it originally because, well, Darkiplier wasn’t even a thing. Darkiplier was not a thing when I was making those videos. I just wanted to make some creepy stuff. And then I thought about that, and I was like if I want to make a statement about who this is, I need to own that and I need to put something out there that is not ambiguous, because I realize that’s where I went wrong. I didn’t have a solid character so obviously, people would come up with their own versions, they would fill in the gaps where they saw fit. So, when I made this I had to embrace it fully and fine-tune it down to exactly where I wanted. When you choose the “fake” choice carrying through to this one, I really wanted that to come through, except at the end to this video, where it gets silly, but that’s because the real me comes in and the real me’s an idiot. And I’ve actually watched this over and over again because I’m listening to the takes I put in here and I’m listening to my inflection and my tone, my demeanor and I’m imagining like how to refine it better next time when I bring him back, like how to do it better.

Tyler: I remember now, I set up the table.

Mark: Yeah, you did. You set up the table we had to change it out for clear glasses because the green screen was reflecting through. But yeah, even this, like the intersplices of anger, and this is me getting real deep in the meta of Darkiplier, like if that’s even a thing that can be- let me just pause it here. I don’t read too much into this but if there’s something that I want to take seriously, I want to actually do right. So, in my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me. But, much like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in another world entirely and bleeds through into this one. This is sounding really nerdy of me.

Tyler: I remember the Warfstache talk.

Mark: So Completely unironically, Darkiplier is a completely separate entity from who I am. But, he admires what I’ve accomplished, and he’s very much… people picked up on this, and people thought it was really creepy, because it’s what I wanted. He’s a social manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you. That is literally what I wanted for Darkiplier. And how creepy and scary that actually is from the surface. Especially in this first bit, where he says, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide.” And I wanted this to come across in a seductive way while also masking, like, this burning rage inside that breaks through the suave nature of it. That was my clue to reveal he’s not your friend. He’s not here to help you. He’s here to use you. And that also came across when I was thinking about, like, the effects. Like, his image shatters, he separates because he’s not entirely kept together, you know what I mean? So, I wanted like the drastic impacts of the rage pulling back suddenly to the calm nature and the demeanor and this last one, I was thinking was especially telling. It’s not me trying to break through, it’s his shell cracking.

Kathryn: I love that.

Mark: Yeah? It’s my favorite of all of them.

Kathryn: That’s one’s my favorite. I have legitimately just gone and watched that bit.

Mark: Yeah?

Kathryn: It’s really good.

Mark: Oh, thank you.

Kathryn: I really like that.

Mark: Yeah. And number 1 the visuals work hard on this one, but nailing the audio- that high-pitched ringing that a lot of people were like wow that really hurts my ears, that was by design. That was supposed to hurt because listening to him- a lot if inspiration for him comes from G-man from Half-life 2 and 1, like this weird interdimensional person that seems human but is obviously not and doesn’t obey the laws of physics, and is just like this shell of a person that’s in a suit. Not a suit, literally a human suit, and is trying to figure out how to puppet it right that you believe him, but he’s really good at it. And that’s where the scariness of Darkiplier, I think, really comes from, is because he seems like someone you can trust, and he will manipulate you, and take advantage of you, and literally use you, and to me that’s terrifying. Like that’s the antithesis of what I want to be and so if I’m going to make an opposite version of me, he’s gonna be the fucking worst. Like worse than any romantic story can ever bring about. He’s fucking awful.

Amy: It was convenient, though, I like the way it goes from Relax to this, like the video “Relax,” because then people were not expecting this. But it’s so nice to have it on Valentine’s Day. It works so well.

Mark: And then came the bullshit transition that we had to do. So, this is comical in a way.

Amy: It doesn’t drag it though.

Mark: Yeah it doesn’t drag. You get the scary. Tyler’s here-

Tyler: In Mark’s suit, which I have fit in, but not the pants.

Mark: He didn’t fit, we forgot to get a tie, like, we printed out a mask, and I looked at this and was like I could try to make this creepy, and then I went, I objectively can’t. Let me throw in some punch sound effects.

Tyler: I have to make sure, cause-

Mark: He couldn’t see shoot.

Tyler: No, I couldn’t, and I had to keep moving the mask cause there was one time we did this that the mask ended up completely on the side of my head and I was just like, hey Mark, you can’t touch my face.

Amy: The convenient thing about this, though, with all the glitches is that you can hide stuff with it.

Tyler: Yeah, and there’s a reason I never let go of Mark I have no clue where anything is.

Mark: Yeah, oh man. Oh, this, oh my god. Oh, and secret Easter egg- you know who Dark is because he doesn’t have a shadow. Totally intentional and by design.

Amy: His toes are missing too, but.

Mark: Shh he doesn’t have toes he’s so scary.

~~~~~~

.

you wanna talk about stress? you wanna talk about stress? i’ve just stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, mac. how’s that for stress? this company is being bled like a stuck pig, mac, and i got a paper trail to prove it. check this out. take a look at this. that right there is the mail, now, let’s talk about the mail. can we talk about the mail? please, mac? i’ve been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? pepe silvia. this name keeps coming up over and over again. every day, pepe’s mail is getting sent back to me. i look in the mail. this whole box is pepe silvia. so i say to myself, i gotta find this guy. i gotta go up to his office. i gotta put the guy’s mail in the guy’s god damn hands, otherwise he’s never gonna get it. it’s gonna keep coming back down here. so i go up to pepe’s office, and what. do. i. find. out? what do i find out? there is no pepe silvia. the man does not exist. so i decide, ohhh shit, buddy, i gotta dig a little deeper. there’s no pepe silvia? you gotta be kidding me? i got boxes full of pepe! all right, so i start marching my way down to carol in HR, and knock on her door and i say Caaaaaaaarol, Caaaaaaaarol, i gotta talk to you about pepe! and when i open the door, what do i find? there’s not a single goddamn desk in that office there is. no. carol. in. h. r. mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. this office is a goddamn ghost town.

anonymous asked:

Never once have I ever seen someone get attacked and still be happy like min yoongi got attacked by park jimin, seriously.

uhmmmm….

we get attacked on a daily… and we don’t seem to mind… (。•̀ᴗ-)✧

I’m still not sure what we have done to be attacked like this…

But uhmmm… happy?? yes? no? (⁰ ◕〜◕ ⁰)

Welcome to Genji’s McCree Harem, aka my friend @1floweredcrown and I should not have the power to create custom games in Overwatch


We tweeted about this when we played it, but I thought I’d share it on here too for everyone to enjoy, along with some highlights:

  • I’m the matcha green Genji right there, while Nico is the McCree right behind me (he’s my main McCree, the rest are the side hoes)
  • The other team was comprised of entirely McCrees as well
  • Yes, this was totally a self indulgent mcgenji game (it’s our favorite ship)
  • We also didn’t think this through because as fun as having an entire game of boyfriends is, when half the boyfriends are trying to kill you and there’s no healer, it’s really annoying
  • We almost lost the match because I was constantly dying and we were screaming in the chat
  • Here’s some of my favorite things we said:
  • “dkjfshfsdjls WE’RE GONNA LOSE. I REGRET THIS SO MUCH.”
  • “You did this for me though.”
  • “I did. I really did.”
  • “FUCK YOU MCCREE 7!”
  • “I killed McCree 7 for you.”
  • “I love you.”
  • When we got pushed back to defending objective B, all the enemy McCrees used Deadeye at the same time and we died
  • It was literally six echoes of “It’s High Noon” and I died by McCree 9
  • The odd number McCrees have it out for me
  • After a painstaking victory, this match gave us A TON of experience

The lesson here: being super self indulgent has its rewards as long as you can live to see them and I also have this cool commemorative photo so that’s neat

10

Nine years of painting in a sketchbook

As a freshman in art school I cringed when I was told that students were required to keep a sketchbook. I never draw preparatory sketches because I like to work a painting out as I go, not in advance. When shown a finished artwork and its original sketch, I usually find the first draft to be more spontaneous, energetic, fresh and beautiful. But I was an obedient student so I forced my hand and began drawing in a Moleskine journal.

Drawing in public places always led to striking up conversations with strangers and helped me to make friends outside of school. I began drawing and experimenting on a daily basis. I bought acrylic ink for a school assignment and poured some into my sketchbook using an eye dropper. I liked how the ink bled onto other pages, adding color and texture. I fell in love with the medium and started drawing with ink using a dip pen and brush.

It’s difficult to use dip pens, brushes and ink jars while sitting in a cafe, so I began painting in my room. The privacy loosened me up and my themes became more personal. For years I was in the habit of punctuating paintings with song lyrics, but I finally started using my own poetry. After a while, I grew so invested in the sketchbooks that I began referring to them as “books of paintings” to imply they were complete, indivisible artworks.

I used to surf the internet to find images to draw, but that became boring because I kept googling the same things: antelope, construction cranes and light houses were among my usual search terms. In 2011 I got into photography and started using my own photos for reference. Now I exclusively paint scenes from memory or personal photographs.

Change is so gradual it’s hard to tell if I’m improving at all, so occasionally I flip through my collection of Moleskines. I think the most important creative change was the decision to stop copying images from the internet and other people’s poetry. This really opened me up creatively and I’ve become more observant of my surroundings– time spent outside of studio feels creative and productive because I always have an eye out for material.

SMITTEN KITTEN BONUS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!

This little blurb is for my darling @t-starkasm who sent me this picture of a very obvious Smitten Kitten!!

So I added another little bit to the ORIGINAL STORY to include this darling little scene!!!

Enjoy!!

********************

The ringtone of Steves phone completely interrupted the mission briefing, and absolutely made Agent Coulsons jaw drop.

Who let the dogs out? Who who who who! Who let the dogs out?”

“Oh my god.” His face flamed red and he scrambled to mute it. “I am so sorry, Agent Coulson, Colonel Rhodes, its um—”

“Captain Rogers.” Rhodey was trying his damnest to keep the snmirk off his face. “Captain Rogers.” he cleared his throat. “Would I be correct in assuming that Seargent Barnes is the one calling you right now?”

“I–I–” the Lion shifter swallowed back a growl of annoyance. “My mate changed my ringtone, I apologize.”

“Sorry, but Seargent Barnes chose that as his ringtone?” Agent Coulson asked in that quietly, polite way of his. “Seargent Barnes, the Alpha Wolf shifter?”

“Not that mate. My other mate, Tony.” he breathed a deep sigh. Tony had changed his ringtone because hed been upset Steve couldnt stay with him all day today. Not that Steve had wanted to spend his whole day locked in the conference room talking about missions and personell. No he would much rather be snuggled up in bed with both his mates. He missed Tony and Bucky so much he nearly ached. He needed a break from all this. A break from being Captain America. A break from being Steve. He needed to just be Bucky and Tonys mate, and let them take care of him.

Steve shook his head and pushed those thoughts away. He had been feeing down for weeks now and didnt really know what to do about it.

“If you’ll excuse me.” he said politely. “I need to take this.”

“Ah. Of course.” Coulson said with a little smile. “By all means, take your mates call.”

“Thank you. Just a few minutes.” Steve stepped into the hallway and opened his phone. “Bucky, I swear to god. You know I am in a meeting, I will muzzle your–”

“911, Steve.” Buckys voice was stressed, nearly a whine. “911, our room. Its Tony.”

“Oh shit.” Steve only stepped into the conference room long enough to snatch his shield, and took off running, no apology or explanation or anything.

“ I havent been around the compound much since this all happened.” Coulson commented mildly. “Does this sort of thing–”

“Tony is the most high maintenance person in the world. Also the most high maintence shifter. Steve and Bucky have their hands full all the time.”

“Tony only weighs eighty pounds.” Coulson raised his eyebrows and Rhodey just started laughing.

“Phil. You literally have no idea how much of a handful Tony can be.”

“Isnt his shifter form a cat?”

Phil. You have no idea.” The colonel collapsed back into his chair, shoulders shaking.

“But both Rogers and Barnes are Alpha–”

“Phil.” Rhodey was full on cackling now, wiping his tears away. “You have no idea.”

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deh x hamilton

kali literally wrote one line to this and one day we hung out and decided to write the whole ass thing

written: 7/15/17

c-connor

e-evan

b-both

TO THE TUNE OF DEAR THEODOSIA


C: dear evan hansen,
what to say to you?
you have nice eyes…and i really like your name
after i pushed you down in school,
you cried.
and it broke my heart.

i spent my very last day with you
a high schoolers life , was never quite my style
but when you smiled
you knocked me out i fell apart
and i thought i was so smart

i can’t come of age with our young nation
i bled and fought and hid
feels like that’s all i ever did
if you lay a strong enough foundation
you’ll pass it on for me
and then the world will see
we can blow them away

someday , someday

E: oh connor murphy, when i found the news , it stung
you were so young
look at my cast
it’s proof that your memory will last
you have left a mark inside me now
oh connor, “you were my very best friend,
till the end”
you pushed me down
i fell apart , and i thought i was so smart

E: my father isn’t around
C: my father wasn’t around
E: i swear that i’ll be around for you
C: i swore that i’d be around for you
E: i’ll do what ever it takes
C: i made a million mistakes
E: i’ll make sure the world remembers you

B: we will come of age with this new nation
E: you bled because of it , and i’ll make sure i never quit
C: if you lay a strong enough foundation , you’ll pass it on for me and then the world will see

B: we can blow them all away

someday , someday

we’ll blow them all away

someday, someday