i bet you guys thought i was kidding

Signs as things my English teacher has said
  • Aries: “Swallow it hard.”
  • Taurus: “*to a lady who asked him if he’s ever shanked anyone* Well, I've thought about it.”
  • Gemini: “I'm a Gemini, my kids don't know if I'm gonna hit them or hug them, I usually just hit them.”
  • Cancer: “Every time you guys act badly it builds up inside of me and I take it out on my children.”
  • Leo: “Hey little fellow, wanna put your little stick in a hole?”
  • Virgo: “I bet I've ruined the idea of love for lots of people.”
  • Libra: “According to the ladies of this class it is considered weird and creepy for guys to show up randomly in your backyard.”
  • Scorpio: “You know when it's six thirty, we’ll need some Viagra.”
  • Sagittarius: “You know what they say… one man’s creepy is another man’s erotica.”
  • Capricorn: “It's one thing to be eating a corndog and it's another thing to be making eye contact while eating it slowly.”
  • Aquarius: “I used to raise croissants, I keep them in a cage.”
  • Pisces: “Put the corn dog away.”

So a bunch of us associates at Walmart got called in to do grocery zoning and stocking, and in the aisle that I was working was this older guy. I didn’t really see him around much, he was in a different department so we struck up conversation while stocking and at one point he says “hey, do you wanna see a picture of my pride and joy?” And I assumed it was gonna be his grandkid or something and said “sure” and in his shirt pocket, he gets out this picture:

So, I laugh as any person suckered into a great pun by an old man would do, and he laughs like “haha, I bet you thought it was gonna be a picture of my kids.” and I was just yeah haha and hes just “Nah, kiddo, these are my kids!” and he pulls ANOTHER picture from the same pocket and its this: