Hiiiiii~ can I please request a smut or fluff (maybe a kind of fluffy smut??) of you and Seungkwan's first time ever and together, when you're both a little bit self conscious? I feel like my boy Seungkwan doesn't get enough love! (o^^o) Thank you bbys! <3
this got way too long o m g but thank you for the request, I hope I got the self-conscious part right and hope you enjoy! ;w;
During the past few weeks of your four-month relationship with Seungkwan, there had been an unmentioned tension hanging around. It wasn’t an unpleasant kind of tension, though, and more than anything, you would’ve called it sexual tension.
It wasn’t there all the time, but when you felt it, you felt it hard. It was there when you were making out, naturally, but also when one of you hugged the other from behind and stayed there; when either or both of you had anything less than all clothes on, and even when you had every last piece of clothing on and were just stealing glances at each other.
Seungkwan often found himself getting lost in the way your hair twirled around your fingers when you were lost in thought, whereas you often caught yourself staring at his lips parting and pouting every now and then when he was focused on something. They were little things you yourselves didn’t pay much attention to, but to each other they were fascinating and incredibly attractive. Amongst everything else, you liked his lips and he liked your fingers, and the more time passed the more he found himself thinking about how your fingers would probably feel nice somewhere else, and you felt the exact same way about his lips.
Sitting on a bench near a small market you had bought popsicles from, you breathed in the spring air contently. Seungkwan smiled a little, his tongue catching melting drops of the popsicle while also melting the thing itself. Absentmindedly, you took quite a bit of yours into your mouth, let it melt a little and began pulling it out, your cheeks hollowed as you got as much of the melted drops in your mouth as you could.
Seungkwan, who hadn’t been able to tear his eyes away from you, shook his head and groaned when he felt a cold drop fall to his forefinger. His mind had been filled with thoughts he’d rather not have in public, and he had gotten too distracted to notice that his ice cream was melting. “Please, don’t do that.”
You blinked just as the popsicle left your lips with a wet pop, and only from the way Seungkwan’s cheeks were a shade of pink and how he was nervously fixing his hair did you realize what it might’ve looked like. Although, you also knew that it spoke volumes that whereas most people probably would’ve seen you only as a girl enjoying her popsicle, Seungkwan’s mind had gone to a very different direction. You giggled, even though your stomach was twisting a little with nervousness. “…Sorry.”
He shook his head, mentally cursing the way his jeans felt a bit tighter than before. With a sigh, Seungkwan silently apologized to everyone he possibly could’ve for what he was about to say as he scooted closer to you on the bench, making sure he was close enough to your ear to keep his words as private as possible. “I’ve been thinking…”
Your popsicle nearly fell from your hand and your cheeks felt awfully hot when Seungkwan told you what he had been ‘thinking about’, which was a lot like what your mind had been going through.
“…so, all in all, I think that, if you’d like it, we could have sex.”
When he pulled away, avoiding your eyes and focusing on his popsicle, you nodded slowly, making sure yours wasn’t melting too badly, either. It had been on your mind a lot, but whenever you thought about bringing it up, you were plagued by a lot of other thoughts.
Seungkwan was accepting and loved you endlessly, always making sure that you knew how beautiful you were, but you couldn’t help but think if he’d still somehow find you unappealing when there was nothing covering your body; if there was something he was expecting but you wouldn’t be able to give him. Naturally, it would be his loss if that was to be the case, but even the thought of the mere possibility of something like that happening hurt you.
Seungkwan could see your nod from the corner of his eye, and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards and he felt a bit easier, after the tension of the past two weeks had more or less been dealt with.
“Okay, so uh… Tonight or..?” he asked unsurely, his lips puckering slightly as he tried to appear nonchalant and failed at it. You laughed nervously, although excitement was already pooling at the pit of your stomach.
After you had finished your popsicles and agreed to spend the night over at Seungkwan’s place, seeing as his roommates would be gone in the evening, you stopped by a store, where Seungkwan first spent ten minutes psyching himself up and then bought a packet of condoms while stuttering a little. You grinned at him when he walked to you with the pack in a plastic bag, his cheeks pink and warm as he sighed.
“At least you got them,” you said and patted his back encouragingly, at which he nodded.
“It was a lot more nerve-wracking than I thought,” he huffed and shivered exaggeratedly, and you giggled.
“I bet they see that a lot, though,” you sing-sang as you began walking to your place so that you could grab some essentials and have a quick dinner in form of instant noodles before heading to Seungkwan’s place.
“Doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking to me…” he mumbled and squeezed your hand in his as you walked.
A few hours later you finally reached the apartment he shared with two of his friends, both of whom were out on their own accord; Vernon had a date and Jeonghan was at work, and neither was expected to be back until late.
So, while you held his hand, slightly sweaty from nervousness, you followed him to his room and closed the door behind you, locking it just in case. Seungkwan ran his hands through his hair as he mentally told himself to calm down a little, and even when he turned to you, he still shook his head a little to fix his fringe, which barely even moved. You chuckled and walked to him.
“Don’t be so nervous,” you said, the shakiness of your voice giving away that you were, in fact, just as nervous, if not even more so. Seungkwan placed his hands on your waist and looked into your eyes with a small pout on his lips.
“How can I not be?” he asked as he pulled you a bit closer. You smiled at him and shook your head, leaning to give him a kiss - surprisingly enough, having his lips pressed against yours made you feel a bit calmer.
With your lips locked, you moved to his bed, you dropping your bag to the floor on the way and Seungkwan soon sitting on his bed and letting his hands drop to your hips and from there to your ass, while you played with his neck hair and sat on his lap, holding yourself up with your knees.
You made out for a while, letting yourselves get lost in the kisses that only grew hungrier and needier as you both let the weeks of sexual tension finally release in them, freely telling in form of kisses just how much you needed each other. He moaned into the kiss when you fixed your position on his lap and brushed against his slight bulge, and you pulled back in an instant.
“Don’t mind it,” Seungkwan said rushedly, cheeks pink and his smile nervous. You swallowed hard, already feeling the heat pooling in your stomach and the need beginning to form between your legs; the need that had reminded you of its existence more frequently than ever before during the past weeks. You shook your head and kissed him, long and sweet.
“This is the exact moment I will mind it,” you mumbled against his lips when you had pulled away slowly, and moved to sit next to him, palming him through his jeans for a moment. He breathed heavily, swallowing as he tried to figure out how to proceed, a quiet moan leaving his lips at the friction your hand was providing him. After a bit of conversing, you sat on the bed facing each other, you on the head end and him on the other one.
“Can we have the lights off?” you asked a bit hesitantly, playing with the hem of your shirt and looking at Seungkwan, who seemed to take his time processing your question.
“Do you absolutely want to?” he asked quietly, as if your words had just made the situation more real than it had been earlier. You winced and shrugged, leaving the answer hanging.
“It’s my first time, I’d rather not to do it in the dark,” he said with a small whine, lips in a pout, and you sighed heavily. At that, he smiled and reached to caress your cheek. “You’re beautiful and I want to see you, so if you’re comfortable enough with it, please..?”
After you had given him your approval, still a bit uneasy despite his words comforting you a little, Seungkwan began pulling his shirt off, freezing when it was on the floor and your eyes were glued on his upper body as you scanned him - naturally, lights on meant you’d see him, too, which he had been too excited to realize. Covering his stomach a little, Seungkwan let out a forced laugh and reached for his bedside lamp, the only source of light you had on. “Let’s have them off, after all–”
“Seungkwan,” you said and grabbed his wrist, stopping his hand from reaching the lamp. He looked at you with raised eyebrows, whereas you quirked one of yours meaningfully. “I agreed to have them on, so you’ll find a way to live with it, too. And I want to see you, too, so…”
With your other hand, you reached to remove Seungkwan’s arm from his stomach and without thinking about it too much, bent down to press a kiss to his upper stomach. “You’re beautiful, too, Seungkwan.”
He gasped at the feeling of your lips against his skin and brought his hand away from the bedside table. “L-let’s have them on, then.”
You sat up again, smiling nervously. While you were pulling your shirt off, too, Seungkwan moved closer to you on the bed, and when your shirt joined his on the floor, he leaned to kiss your collarbone. You sighed contently albeit shakily at that, running your fingers through his hair. When he moved back, he took the sight in, and you couldn’t help but smile when you saw his pupils dilate. “You’re even more beautiful than I thought.”
You shook your head, barely able to resist the urge to cover yourself despite still having most of your clothes on. Seungkwan pouted, and as if he had read your thoughts, he cleared his throat. “If I promise not to cover myself up, will you do the same?”
Taking it as a challenge, you smiled and nodded. It sounded like a good idea overall, too, so you saw no reason to decline. “Deal.”
You undressed yourselves clothing by clothing at a slow pace, giving each other gentle kisses somewhere on the area that was newly exposed - most areas, anyway. When Seungkwan’s jeans had been thrown to the floor, you gave him a kiss by his bip, and when you took your shorts off, he was daring enough to kiss your inner thigh, which made you jolt.
He smiled a bit shyly when he straightened his back again. “I guess that’s a sensitive area.”
You just nodded, swallowing as you tried to ignore the way your nipples were hardening and your panties were getting wetter little by little. Seungkwan coughed dramatically when he hooked his thumbs on the waistband of his boxers after standing up. “You’ll now see a side of me you haven’t seen before, so please excuse me.”
With a laugh leaving your lips you nodded, eternally grateful that Seungkwan always found a way to make you feel more at ease even though he was a wreck, too. You felt your mouth water when he finally pulled his boxers down and revealed the rest of his body, his length nearing a half-hard state and all of him looking amazing to you. Unsure of what to say, you just nodded, looking up at Seungkwan while biting your lower lip to hold in any noises that threatened to escape them.
Seungkwan got back on the bed, fiddling with his fingers as he looked at you a bit shyly, almost hiding behind his fringe. You took in a deep breath and unhooked your bra, tossing it aside when you had slid the straps off your arms. Unable to control his expression, Seungkwan’s mouth opened and his eyes widened. You were about to cover your chest when you remembered your deal, and so you let your hands rest on your lap for a moment, until you quickly got rid of your panties, too, not giving yourself enough time for second thoughts.
Seungkwan swallowed hard, looking at you with appreciative eyes and doing his best not to touch himself just yet.
After you had returned to the bed and laid down, Seungkwan moved to you, finding a place on your right side and caressing your cheek as he looked down at you with a soft smile on his lips. “You’re gorgeous.”
You giggled quietly, running your hand up and down his side slowly. “You are, too.”
He shook his head and leaned down to kiss you, first gently but little by little the kisses got more intense, showing more of the hunger you had for each other. Having never been in a similar situation, neither of you really knew what to do, so you went by your instincts and whatever you had learnt from other sources.
Slowly, he let his hand move from your cheek to your breast, and he ran his shaky fingers over your erect nipples, catching your moan with his lips with the noise going straight to his crotch. You pushed your chest up a little against his touch while your tongue played with his. Seungkwan continued teasing your nipple for a while before moving to the other one, then slowly sliding his hand further down on your body.
When he got close enough to your heat, you opened your legs by instinct and he pulled away from the kiss, his breathing heavy. “Is it okay if I..?”
You looked at him desperately and nodded, wishing nothing more than him to touch you. A whine left your lips when you could feel Seungkwan’s fingers moving around in your wetness, moving over your clit a few times and just exploring, finding the places that had you jolting and whimpering more than the others and circling by your entrance, all the while his fingers getting wetter with your anticipation.
He licked his lips that suddenly felt awfully dry and moved a little bit, his length brushing against your thigh and making him groan quietly. You bit your lower lip and moved your hand down his side, soon touching him lightly, at which he jolted and dipped a finger inside of you. With you moaning, Seungkwan leaned down to kiss your collarbone, his breath hot against your skin. “That feels really good, Y/N.”
You whined and said that it was feeling good on your end, too, as Seungkwan’s finger pushed deeper into you; you had tried it yourself, but it felt completely different to have someone else’s fingers inside of you, and it was definitely in a good way. He watched with great interest as his finger disappeared inside of you, and when he pulled it out, it was glistening and made him swallow hard. “You’re really wet.”
You couldn’t help but snort at that. “Thanks for stating the obvious.”
He grinned, too, and just as you began stroking him slowly, still merely testing the waters, he leaned down to kiss you, his moan muffled by your lips.
You spent a good while like that, him stretching you open at a slow pace with his fingers and you stroking him; him peppering you with kisses not only on your lips and neck, but also your breasts. It didn’t take Seungkwan too long to figure out that he really liked them - they were nice and soft and touching them clearly made you feel good, whether it was him kissing or sucking them lightly.
“Seungkwan,” you whined when he curled his two fingers inside of you and brought his thumb over your clit, and he let go of your nipple he had had his lips wrapped around. You squeezed his shoulder and looked deep into his eyes while thumbing the slit of his slightly leaking cock, eliciting a quiet moan from Seungkwan. “I want to feel you.”
The small smile that tugged at his lips made your heart feel nice and warm, and he nodded. He pulled his fingers out of you, and after a while of thinking about what to do with them, decided to just suck them clean. You covered your eyes for a while and laughed a little, and with anticipation pooling within you, watched Seungkwan reach for the plastic bag by his clothes and get the pack of condoms.
When he had, after a few quiet curse words, finally managed to put the condom on, he sat on his knees between your legs and ran his hands on your thighs. He pouted with a playful glint in his eyes as he bent forward, his length rubbing against your swollen, wet womanhood. “It’s your last chance to change your mind.”
You giggled and wrapped your arms around his neck, nibbling on his lower lip a little, your nose rubbing against his. “We both know you’ll stop as soon as I show any signs of discomfort.”
Seungkwan shrugged. “True.”
He leaned down to kiss you and ground against you while your tongues rubbed against each other, and only when you began bucking your hips against his and whimpering into the kiss did he pull away and position himself against your entrance.
Seungkwan pushed in slowly, one of his hands moving up and down on your side comfortingly while the other rubbed circles into your clit to distract you a little from the stretch. It wasn’t all that bad, honestly, but you could still feel it enough to hold your breath.
“Deep breaths,” Seungkwan said softly, and much like you had predicted, stopped moving. You nodded and did as he said, and the more he touched you and whispered you soothing words, the more you relaxed, soon moving your hips in an attempt to get more of him inside, although it felt a lot more like a need than a wish.
Feeling that, Seungkwan hissed and you could feel his hold on your side tighten slightly. “C-can I move now?”
“Please,” you moaned, and with Seungkwan pushing fully in, you wrapped your legs around his waist and let out a string of satisfied sounds, all of which made Seungkwan jolt a little with arousal.
The first thrusts were slow and shallow as he still wanted to make sure you were completely adjusted to his size, but eventually you tightened your legs around him and looked pleadingly up at him. “Could you… a bit faster?”
He broke into a wide grin. “I can do anything you want.”
With that, he leaned down to kiss you passionately while his thrusts became a bit faster, and definitely deeper. From the way you were bucking against him and moaning into the kiss, he could sense whenever you wanted him to increase the speed a bit more, but neither of you wanted the pace to be too fast. He wanted to feel you around himself, hot and tight and absolutely perfect, and you wanted to feel him move inside of you, nicely sized and rubbing against your inner walls in a way that had your orgasm approaching faster and faster.
Seungkwan’s breathing got faster and heavier when he got closer to his peak, and having heard that stimulating certain areas was good, he brought one of his hands between your bodies and began massaging your clit with his thumb. Your back arched a little and you clenched around him as you moaned loudly against his lips, your hips meeting his thrusts in a way that was almost desperate. Or actually, it was desperate..
“I’m go–” Seungkwan wasn’t even able to finish his words before he was releasing into the condom, his hips stuttering until they stopped altogether. His thumb on your clit didn’t stop, though, and some time later you were coming around him, too, his name leaving your lips in a cry.
With both of you sweaty and flushed, Seungkwan sat up and pulled out of you slowly, panting as he looked at you with his hands on your thighs. “How do you manage to look gorgeous even now?”
You laughed in relief, most if not all of your earlier doubts and fears gone, leaving you feeling sated and free. “I could ask you the same thing. Who would’ve guessed that Boo Seungkwan would look this good when out of breath?”
Seungkwan smiled and shook his head, disposing the condom before cuddling up to you. “It wasn’t too bad, was it? I mean, I’m sure I could’ve done better, but if you just give me some time–”
“Shh,” you giggled, placing your forefinger on his lips and keeping it there until he melted into a smile. “It was better than I had thought, so you’ve got that going for you already.”
He leaned down to kiss you, one of his hands cupping your cheek. “That won’t stop me from trying to do better next time.”
You nibbled on his lower lip and looked into his eyes with a playful glint in yours. “I never said I’d stop you from doing that.”
After you had showered and changed into comfortable clothes to sleep in (and his roommates had come home, both squinting their eyes and blatantly stating “You’ve had sex”), you cuddled up to him and rested your head by his shoulder.
“You know,” you began quietly and waited for Seungkwan to hold your hand and let out a sound for you to continue, “I was really nervous you wouldn’t like… me. My body.”
He gasped a lot louder than he had intended and looked at you with a scandalized expression. “What? No, oh my God, I love you, and your body is amazing.”
You blushed and were unable to hide your smile before hiding your face in his chest. Seungkwan sighed and held you tighter with the arm he had around you.
“I had similar thoughts, though,” he admitted quietly, smiling rather sadly at you when you shot him a look of similar disbelief as he had given you earlier. “You know I’m not all that happy with it, so…”
You nodded with a pout and leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “And you know that I love every little bit of you.”
Instead of replying, he gave you a soft kiss square on the lips. “I love you.”