i believe in each and every one of you

So this happened today.

Oh my god, guys! This is just crazy. 1000 of you! 1000. That is just insane! I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. I never in my wildest dreams thought this blog would even have 100 followers, let alone 1000! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve all of you but I thank you so very much for being here.

Thank you to everyone for your continued love, support, kind words, and friendship. Honestly, I’ve never met a better group of people than the group that we have here. You all are truly and utterly amazing.

To the new and old friendships, to the casual acquaintances, to the silent likers/rebloggers: I love each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you so very much to the previous 900 for sticking with me and welcome to the new 100! Welcome to the crazy train ladies and gents!

100 FOLLOWERS!!!!

Holy Arceus! You just reached 100 followers last night and I want to scream with joy. I can tell you all how happy I am about this I never believed I would ever get here.

Originally posted by endlesstabi

When I first came to tumblr I came to look at @blasticheart art work ((If you don’t know who this amazing person is I highly encourage you to check them out)). At first I fear no one would ever notice me, that I was nothing more but a low life. I still am But then I met amazing people like @troijandarts @noonesarts @weraspberryus @sugarkanz @angelicxem and @night-ralme-inc . Every single one of them has been with me from the beginning. And I love each and every single one of them. They are some of my closest friends.

I haven’t been on tumblr for a long time but it has been a struggle. I have remade my blog three times. I want my blog to be an art blog but it was and still is difficult. Beyond that I still didn’t know what to do with my blog and if I was just a waste of space. Then I got into the roleplaying community and met awsome people like @uzbosti @melaniedragon and @lone-red-lion . If it weren’t for these three amazing people I probably wouldn’t be here. 

Now I have gotten the chance to meet more amazing people and continue my art and roleplaying. I don’t know what the future holds for me and this blog but hopefully it can soar higher and higher. Thank you, all of you wonderful and amazing people, thank you for following and sticking with me. Lets see how are far and high we can go.

hypnotic coffin

stephanie w.
one forgotten, there am I
dark faith you never knew
complete as often catatonic and
diseased –
sun-dressed in his hypnotic coffin

breathe life into me, my Lord,
he then believes
as wasteful heaven shatters each
thin veil
litany-spirits soaking off
a blinded truth, impassioned

complete me, every song
and powerless, raw conscience
his ache, deep magic felt
as wistfully, damned comfort

none other than a hallelujah
praying for release
or else, wedded confusion
cremating martyred silence

Dear you

Hi…it’s me I know you don’t care to listen to anything I have to say but I have so many things on my mind, so many questions.

Could we just rewind our time together and pause at the exact moment where we went wrong. or where I went wrong?

I can’t sleep without thinking, what did I do so wrong to make you hate me or love me less? What happened to us against the world? now it’s you against me..

Please tell me why you can’t stand to hear my name or treat it like it  is a forbidden word in your secret language in which I thought I understood but these days it has become questionable.

Do you remember the promise we made to one another? the one about never leaving each other behind? well I guess that was nothing more than a phrase to you which had no meaning to you but did you know it meant everything to me?

I cried every single day helplessly begging for you to just reach out to me or throw me a life jacket but instead you abandon me and left to drown because I couldn’t keep myself afloat.

Call me naïve but I really believed you were on my side, call me pathetic for thinking you truly loved me. call me whatever you want but just know despite the bitterness you were the sweetest love I ever knew.

Hey….I know you remember me because you told me you will never forget me but I hope you remember me as the only one who loved every part of you even though you tore me apart and left me with emptiness in my heart and soul.

One last thing please love the next person the way you couldn’t love me, you at least owe them that.

sincerely
me

—  Tenari Ioapo Excerpt from a book I may write.

Guys…I am so excited to say that I am in PARIS 🥐🍾 I can’t believe that this has been my dream for so long and now it is happening. I cannot thank you enough for supporting me and because of that I am able to live this dream. I want to share it with each and every one of you ✨ I swear (and I know this sounds cheesy) but if you work hard and put your mind to it, literally anything you want can happen. Love you guys SO much. Now off to cafés… ☕️

I let a boy tell me what I deserved, and that was the first mistake.
Because when it comes down to it, his words will echo in my head until I believe what he’s saying, even if it isn’t true.
It was a vibrant feeling, the way his hands held mine and the way that my heart beat against his. His words dangled over my head, and every day I tried to capture them from the air. Because there is no feeling like the one when he told me I was beautiful, when he whispered “I think I love you,” like the words surprised him as each one rolled off his lips. And I guess I’m a sucker for being the girl that changes the boy who can’t be changed, being the girl that turns his world from wrong to right. And he made me feel loved when he wept about not wanting to let me go. It made me feel real, it made every word feel palpable. I had changed him, I had turned the boy from stone to life.
But the truth is everybody has their flaws, and every one of his glimmered under the waves, while I tried to avoid them and told myself to just look up at the fucking sky. Look up. Don’t look down. He is perfect, he is beautiful, he is worth your soul and mind.
But they haunted me when my feet dipped into the sand and the shiny rocks pierced my toes. He made me bleed but I tried to let the ocean of him wash it all away. I still smell him on my skin and I get sick at the thought of that lingering scent disappearing, but he told me I was not what I am.
When people saw me for who I am, a strong and genuine person, he cloaked me and covered me and tried to suppress it. He let me believe I didn’t deserve to shine the way I did. He believed I was only meant to shine for him. So I dimmed my light and cut myself up just so he would accept me. He was what I wanted, he was what I needed. I didn’t need the other things, I could sacrifice myself for him. The ocean was too vast and wonderful for me to realize that I was getting bruised and battered under the waves, that his long and careful fingertips ripped my heart apart.
He held me close and told me he wanted me, he told me I was his and he was mine. But every drunken word was laced with fear and jealousy, and I became a consolation prize in the war within himself.
I like to believe I changed this boy, and that our love was epic in every sense of the word. We laughed and we cried and we loved and we loved and we loved. But sometimes the things you love tear you to pieces, and your addictions become your worst enemies.


I let a boy tell me what I deserved, and that was my first mistake.

[TRANS] ‘WINGS: YOU NEVER WALK ALONE’ - V Thanks To

(italic = purposely typos / written in English)

From now on I’ll write the “thanks to” as a letter to people whom I love and am thankful for. I’m originally not the type to write letters so it’ll be even more touching! This is an album for ARMYs! First of all, those who let me get to meet ARMYs, Bang PD-nim, Vice President Yoojung, Director Seokjoon, Director Shinkyu, Director Lee Hyung, Director Chaeeun, heh, happy ew year and may you be happy and healthy everyday this year. Thank you and I love you.

Dad, mom, my siblings, I love you. Jongkyu, enlist and comeback~

Our beloved manager hyungs, it won’t be enough even if I mention them twice, our Director Shinkyu, Hobeomie-hyung, Sejinie-hyung, Jungilie-hyung, Sungseokie-hyung, Yoonjae-hyung, Sunhakie-hyung, Kwangtaekie-hyung, you know we’re always by your side right? Our hyongs who take care of us with love and love, heart bbyongbbyong. You worked really hard in 2016, have a happy new year~~

And I just want to say I really love our family, Woojung-noona, Surin-noona, teacher Sungdeuk, thank you and thank you so much for staying by this troublemaker’s side and raising me with your love. Woojung-noona, Surin-noona, heh, I love you a lot.

Teacher Sungdeuk, your appearance or your atmosphere, aura has become sweeter even since you got married. Looking at you smiling so sweetly like this, your newlywed life must be really nice. Thank you for taking our teacher Sungdeok away. (Bow) Our hyungs and noonas from the Financial Accounting team, Hyukki-hyung, thank you for always working so hard from behind. Hyukki-hyung, how’s your newlywed life? Are you happy!! I have ARMYs so I’m happy, euhahaha. Happy new year.

Visual makes visual. But who’s the visual?

Our visual hyungs and noonas, Sunghyunie-hyung, Hyunjoo-noona, Sunkyung-noona, Gabriel bro thank u so much sehebokmanee badeusehyo

beautiful make up good hair perfect style

Darung darung Head of Department Dareum, Head of Department Jihye, Head of Department Naejoo, Hyunah-nim, Seolji-nim, Jinyoungie-hyung, Hajung-noona, Hyesoo-noona, Seoyeon-noona, Jieun-nim, ah really, I love you so much. Happy new year and may you only have happy days!

Noonas from Rookie Development team and Business Management team, I don’t see you a lot these days but anyway, our Sunjung-noona, Mijung-noona, team leader Heesun, I always miss you~~ Happy new year

Our Fan Marketing noonas who let us stay a little closer, a little a little a little jomthe closer to our ARMYs, Seul-noona, team leader Jaedong, Jungwook-nim, Junsu-nim from Management Support team. A&R Changwonie-hyung, Jooyoungie-hyung, Bosungie-hyung, Wooyoungie-hyung, thank you so much and have a happy new year!!

Our noonas, Bunhong-noona, Hyunji-noona, thank you for always filming Bangtan Bombs and Bangtan’s photos beautifully and coolly on the site. Hayan-noona, thank you for always staying by our side even when you’re probably more tired than anyone else.

Joowon-nim, Jooyeon-nim, Seolhee-noona from the Communication team, you have worked really hard!

And this time we have to give a big hand again to our Director Lumpens and Director Nam Hyunwoo, along with staff noonas and hyungs!!! Uoahahah we can eat tasty food. I’ll tell Director Lumpens to treat us a lot!!!

My hyungs, noonas, dongsaengs and friends who believe in me, always support me, listen to me talking when we meet and talk to me too, thank you. I’ll be a more prideworthy, a better dongsaeng, hyung and friend. I love you.

And I’ll cheer for all citizens to have only good days in 2017, may each and every one of them will be healthy and only have meaningful days ahead.

And lastly, our Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, ARMY…

I trust and rely on them the most in this world, and I’m living like that, but really, thanks to them my self-esteem has grew bigger. I’ll work harder and become a more dillegent, a cooler BTS’ V, Kim Daesung’s son, grandmother and grandfather’s grandson Kim Taehyung. My family who are always by my side, who have no way but to support me from afar and I don’t know how tired it must be for you. Take care of my beloved grandfather. I still can’t let go of grandmother yet but I’m trying hard too, I’ll hold it back and work hard to become grandma’s grandson, a beautiful grandson, so please look after me. Receive a lot of luck and thank you for having raised me up. I love you.

I have given a New Year message separately but now that I got a chance to say it again through the “thanks to”, I want to write it down even if just shortly. Thank you so much to everyone and I love you! Fighting to the start of 2017!

Jin | Suga | J-hope | Rap Monster | Jimin | V | Jungkook

Hit Me Like A Ray Of Sun

“Bitty. Holy fuck.”

Bitty’s eyes fly open.

Ransom is only an inch from his face.

“Wake up, Bits.”

Bitty groans and holds onto the blankets but Ransom gets a good grip on them and rips them all off at once.

“Justin Oluransi I swear if you don’t let me sleep I’m never making pie for you again. I mean it. I need my rest. I was up late studying.”

Ransom snorts.

“I was to studying.” He only talked to Jack for ten minutes. Fifteen tops. “And if you don’t let me sleep for the remaining 25 minutes that I am allowed I am taking every single piece of dessert that I make here and bringing it to the LAX house. You’re going to ruin it for everyone.”

“Jeeze,” Ransom says with a roll of his eyes. “So dramatic. Just like your boyfriend.”

Keep reading

based on this post where lardo and shitty are accidentally pregnant

She was five weeks in and nothing was showing, but she’d been puking almost everyday and had refused Bitty’s pumpkin pie yesterday. Lardo hadn’t told her mom yet, and Shitty refuses to tell anything to his father, but she knows that his mother knew. Jack had called her immediately after Shitty freaked and told him a week ago, before freaking out himself and telling Bitty, who had broken into their apartment in order to make sure she was okay.

“I’m okay, people should stop asking me if I was okay, I’m pregnant, not sick.” She complained to Jack, who only answered by giving a silent nod.

“Shitty’s freaking out,” Jack said instead.

“I know.” She groaned and put her face in her hands. A moment of silence passed between the two before she lifted her head again. “I don’t want to chain him down like this or jerk him around emotionally. I know he wants me to keep it.”

“He wants whatever you want,” Jack said.

She knew that, but she could also read Shitty well enough to know that he was ecstatic and wanted nothing more than to have her keep it. And the scary thing was, she could also feel herself being as excited as he is.

“How are the two of us even remotely qualified to be parents? He’s just starting his job, and I have my job.” And Lardo wasn’t sure that her bosses would let her take a maternity leave. And even more terrifyingly, she just realized that she wasn’t on the life track that she had envisioned for herself with this job. Sports management paid a lot, and Lardo knew she was on the fast track to a good promotion, but now this forced her to look at her life, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend it all on picking up after athletes. But she wasn’t sure if she could provide proper care if she didn’t have this high paying position. And it was a downward spiraling mess of disaster.

It was as if Jack could read her mind, or at least the mood in her mind, because he puts a hand on her shoulder and leaned back on the sofa that they were sitting at.

“Maybe you’re thinking too much,” he said. “Just concentrate on whether or not you want to keep it, and trust in your friends to help you no matter which choice it is. We’re a team.”

She sniffed, and suddenly Jack found himself with an armful of Lardo. She let her tears and snot stain his sweater, and he held her through her trembling. When the two of them extricated themselves from their situation, Jack extended a fist, and Lardo bumped it.

“Got your back,” they said together.

Keep reading

1. You take a bite out of the brownie and I finish it. We’re both high as hell, and we move lazily in your bed, drifting in and out. You hold my hand. I was scared until I met you.

2. You told me it was awful with her and you were happy I changed my mind and came back. I told you I thought about you every time I lay next to him and that it’s always been you. You’ve always been the one.

3 We’re in the bath, except the water keeps spilling each time we move and I have to keep refilling it with hot water. We talk and sing and you’re smiling from ear to ear. I can’t believe somebody like you is in love with me. It might be a miracle.

4. When you ask me what I’m writing about, the answer is always you. You and your blue eyes and button-ups and the night we met in front of the bar I lived above. You and the future I can’t help but imagine. You and the way you kiss me and touch me and love me. I can’t imagine life without you, you know.

5. I’m happy you came back, too.

—  cut scene: “five times i knew that you were it for me”
4

studyblr icons !!!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K! I can’t believe I’ve reached my first milestone in such a short space of time, and I am so grateful for each and every one of my followers because it’s all thanks to you :-) 

I will now be tracking the tag #hittingthebooks - if you post anything to the tag, I’ll reblog it for my followers to see!

To say thank you for 1k, I made 4 icons that you can use for your studyblr (or anywhere really!). You don’t need to follow me to use these but please reblog if you’re using one!

Please please please give credit where it is due - I’ve abstained from putting watermarks on these because I recognise that it doesn’t make the design look as nice, but I put a lot of effort into these so I would really appreciate it if you didn’t steal them or claim them as your own. (like seriously omg the mildliner one has me in literal pain, it took forever and I made it from scratch LOOK AT ALL THE RECTANGLES) If you’d like me to tweak the design for you to match your theme (eg. change a colour, put more/less mildliners) then please let me know, and if you have any other questions, feel free to message me!

Thank you all again for 1k and I hope you enjoy using these! xxx

a letter to the past us:

be happy; forget about all the outside problems and just be happy. tell each other everything; don’t leave a single thing out. hold each other’s hands; it’s a way of saying ‘i love you’ without having to actually say it. love with every fiber of your body; show the other person that you appreciate them and are grateful to have them in your life. there will be days when you won’t talk to one another, that’s okay. when you do talk again, tell the person what they missed, and that their absence was unbearable. when problems arise, talk about them; how you felt, how to solve them, and how you’re not going to leave. don’t take anything for granted; appreciate the times you have with each other to the fullest extent. this isn’t a movie, nor is it a tv show; this is reality and sometimes it’s going to be hard. on some days, you’ll think that the pain is intolerable, you’ll think that the damage is irreversible, but i promise, you guys will get through it because your love is stronger than either of you will ever understand. smile at one another; this shows that you enjoy the other’s presence. laugh at each other’s jokes, even if they’re not funny, and believe me, neither of you are comedians. sing at the top of your lungs; blast your music in the car and sing along with each other. never take each other for granted; just because you guys forgave each other doesn’t mean it’s okay to do it again. just love each other because that’s all you can do; love every flaw and every imperfection just as much as you love the great things about them. and when the time comes when love is just not enough anymore, let one another go. remember all the love and all the good times, but be selfless and let him/her find happiness; let yourself find happiness. you’ll still love each other, that won’t stop, ever, but it’ll be a different kind of love; just as strong, but for different reasons.

Turns out I have a shit ton of headcanons about Noah Czerny pre-death and since I’m avoiding responsibility right now I’m going to type a bunch of them out:

  • Noah was part of a badass group of skater kids who all owned fancy bright colored cars but preferred to skateboard to school.
  • Him and his five friends lived in a huge house seven minutes (ten by skateboard) away from Aglionby. There was a bowl pool outback that stayed empty throughout the entire summer and a terribly built halfpipe that you had to be careful not to skate over the missing board. 
  • Pretty much all of them were the epitome of emo kids. Noah had the bleached blond hair that the Gangsey later wouldn’t understand wasn’t his natural color. The rest of his friends either had stark black long hair or spiky blond hair too- during the summer months, they would all dye their hair the bright crazy colors that didn’t meet Aglionby’s dress code requirements. 
  • If you wanted weed, they were the resident go-to dealers. And with every weed purchase, one (1) free cd featuring their garage band’s music was included. Noah played drums. The band was called “Prep School Scandal” or something equally as corny and they constantly sang about hating their school/town even though they were a bunch of privileged kids. 
  • They were constantly getting in trouble for skating the railings out front of Aglionby and had racked up enough detentions between them to cover an entire wall in their house with the slips. If it wasn’t for their parents’ money, they would have been kicked out a long time ago.

Keep reading

You know what I haven’t seen anything of?

Fucking… posts about trans peeps that aren’t out yet, and won’t be able to be for a long time.

Because people like us, we gotta deal with a really wide range of pain that I don’t think most people think of.

Especially with teenagers, who are still going through what they know is the wrong kind of puberty, and can’t do anything about it.

Spending every day questioning yourself, wondering if maybe you’re not trans, wondering if hormones will even make you look better or make you happy, dealing with being called and having to answer to the wrong name for years… it’s fucking hard, it sucks, and it hurts.

But yknow what? Fuck it. You’re all strong,even if you don’t realize it, even if it’s hard to think you are.

Each and every one of you will make it to that point, will get your first mones(if you want them), you’ll be around people who know your name and respect you enough to use it.

And I know, the waiting hurts the worst, it gives you time to doubt yourself, it opens you up to so much pain… but hey, I’ll get there.

And so will you.

I believe in you.

Dead Poets Society for the Signs
  • Aries: "Close your eyes, close your eyes! Close 'em! Now tell me what you see."
  • Taurus: "This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls."
  • Gemini: "That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
  • Cancer: "Poetry, beauty, romance, love... these are the things we stay alive for."
  • Leo: "Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"
  • Virgo: "Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold and die."
  • Libra: "We all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own."
  • Scorpio: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion."
  • Sagittarius: "Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."
  • Capricorn: "I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way."
  • Aquarius: "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."
  • Pisces: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”
Conflicting Love

Originally posted by mintsugakookies

Genre: romance/Fluff/Angst/Semi smut (maybe ?)
Pairing: Jungkook& Unknown 
Length:  754 words
Summary: Your friend Jimin is a new intern at your workplace and your boyfriend Jungkook ,who happens to be a superior, isn’t pleased at the sight of you and Jimin together.



You stared at him and he stared back at you. You knew something was wrong with the way his piercing eyes were glued onto you. He had this way of staring you up and down as if it was something natural. Jungkook never had any shame to express how he felt and this time his blood was boiling with anger at the sight of you and the new intern Park Jimin. Watching you from afar was only adding fuel to the fire.

“Are you sure this is alright?” Jimin stuttered as he watched jungkook’s orbs darkening at the sight of jimin whispering onto your ears

“Are you scared of my boyfriend, jimin?” you chuckled in response “He doesn’t bite! I promise”

“No, he doesn’t bite but he probably has a plan to murder me” Jimin bit on his bottom lip

“Relax” you rub your friend’s arm in reassurance

“No, how can I relax when Jeon Jungkook is staring at me”

“What?” you raised a suspicious brow “Do you like him or something?”

“E-Excuse you!!!! I do NOT LIKE HIM! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!”

“Oh lord” you sighed before tapping his arm “You’re the third one”

“What?”

“The third friend who falls for him” you rolled your eyes

“Pardon?” jimin stepped back

“Get in line buddy, Jungkook is quite popular” you comment “I, myself can’t even believe he’s my man”

“I don’t like him!” jimin protests “I’m about to shit my pants because he keeps on staring at me with knives in his eyes!”

“Jungkook does kill people though” you nod

“K-K-Kill??!!!!!”

“He’s amazing at seduction that’s what I meant “you add before whispering in his ear “One smirk and he gets what he wants”

“Just exactly…” Jimin runs his tongue across his bottom lip in frustration” why are you so cool about this?! He could be a player! Why are you dating him?”

“I got used to it” you cross your arms on your chest “Jungkook is not a player if that’s what you want to know. He may get what he wants, but once he’s stuck onto something, he never leaves it.”

“Are you sure this is a healthy relationship?” Jimin rubs his temples in frustration

“Oh no jimin, you don’t understand” you shook your head “there’s nothing healthier than a relationship with jungkook”

“What?”

“This kid forces me to eat vegetables everyday” you growl “Can I just squish his face” you express discontentment

“Am I allowed to puke now?” Jimin cringed

“You do like Jungkook” you nod

“I do not!”

“Oh look! Jungkook is coming over here!” you comment

“F*ck” Jimin pulls your arm and hides behind you

“Why are you hiding? Does he makes you nervous?” you smirk

“Stop speculating shit like that! And why did you lie! I almost shat my pants you son of a @#$E@#$@$”

“I’m a female” you stare at him

“And I’m a mochi! So what?! You’re still being unfair to me!”

“Jimin…” you turn around to face him “It’s okay to fanboy over my boyfriend”

“I am NOT FANBOYING” jimin scowled

“Who’s not fanboying?” Jungkook’s voice made every nerve in jimin’s body freeze

“I-I-I… Good morning sir” jimin bows

“Is he the new intern we hired ?” Jungkook stared at you

“Yes” you smiled “He’s very cute isn’t he?” you poked jimin

“You better shut the front door before I—“jimin glared at you “I mean… yes sir…” Jimin bowed to jungkook

Jungkook stopped on his tracks to analyze each and every feature of the new worker. From his clothing style, to his hair to the way his eyes crinkled every time he made that dumb smile. One thing that caught jungkook’s attention was…

“Very small…” Jungkook smirked

“S-Small?” Jimin stuttered

“Jungkook” you furrowed your brows “Don’t be so rude”

“Not rude. I was just stating facts” he responded staring at jimin “ I believe you might want to make your presence as small as you are if you want to keep on being an intern here , Park Jimin-ssi”

“Jungkook” you pinch his arm “I-I’m sorry jimin-ah, he can be a bit cranky in the mornings”

“No… It’s all good” Jimin stuttered “I’ll just go do my work” he stammered before leaving both of you in a staring contest

Jungkook wasn’t being his usual self and the way his dark orbs locked onto yours, gave off a completely different feeling than the normal Guy you were used to. What was wrong with him?

To be continued…


DO NOT RE-POST/PLAGIARISE/TRANSLATE /DISTRIBUTE, I’M WATCHING YOU.

I wrote this on impulse lol and I wanted it to be more dramatic than that but I ended up writing fluff/crack.Request for a part 2 if you want more :) <3 This is just a drabble I wrote for fun, so I hope you had fun reading it as well <333

I’ve been trying to formulate this for awhile, so here we go:

Today, I am juggling single motherhood, evading an abusive ex, full time school admission stuff while taking 9 hours of transfer classes, keeping this blog limping along, working full time in my current job while simultaneously training on a new job and handling huge IT project integration thing, handling the fallout from my two support systems in terms of child care falling through in one week, two different soccer schedules, my brother is in the hospital, and my mom and grandma both facing long-term chronic illnesses. 

And I am doing, like, okay. Not great, but good, some of the time, and okay, most of the time. That isn’t a humble brag! I never would have given myself credit to do a quarter of this a year ago, half of this six months ago, or even all of this three months ago! 

So many factors have kicked my ass into gear. Therapy is key, and that isn’t accessable to most people. I have the endless support of great family + friend. Surprisingly, going analog and using a bullet journal is the key to all of this. It started with just writing shit down.

Suddenly, I was making appointments on time. Paying my bills. Writing down my work tasks and getting them all completed. 

And this isn’t one more “drink water and your depression will go away post” or “will the sadness away.” That isn’t reality.

I’m doing all of this, and obviously my anxiety is ratcheted up, like, a lot. (Finals! in two weeks! Shit!) I’m still not sleeping, but I am overall killin’ it. I’m pretty proud of myself. For me, it started with one good decision. my goal at first was just, “OK, Linds, Make one good, forward-thinking decision today.” 

I started small: start a yoga routine. I mean, I still don’t have a yoga routine, but I do, by and large, have my shit together. Or I’m getting there. 

And now I pay my bills on time, am excelling in my job, have more confidence, got myself and kids in therapy, and am managing all of the above. 

You can come back from anything.

It started with taking fucking care of myself first. Learning that I was worth taking care of. I am still learning this. Getting whatever help I could. I read books at the library (free!) that helped teach coping strategies for managing anxiety. They weren’t cure-alls, but every little bit helps.

Anxiety doesn’t go away. I had a panic attack at work last week because I stood up to my boss. You know what? It was okay. My coworker was a great support. And my boss actually admitted he was wrong, gave me a HIGHER RATING on my review, and thanked me for bringing his slip-up (not looking at the new rating system criteria) to his attention. You can, however, have anxiety and still Kill It.

Confidence doesn’t build overnight. It is a process. Proving to yourself on, like, a daily basis that you can do it. This is my therapist’s #1 gripe with me. But look at me praising myself up there! Give yourself credit where credit is due.  Give yourself some grace, babe. You are doing your fucking best. And for today, that is good enough.

Failure is still part of the equation. I fucked up at work today! I apologized and moved on. I would have let that clobber me a year ago. Every single person makes mistakes. The world still moves on. So will you. It’s ok.

I am not a Mental Health Expert or a motivational coach, but I do believe that our stories can empower each other. It is possible to live with anxiety and still get shit done. Make ONE forward-thinking decision today, even if that one thing is taking care of yourself as best as you can. Doing homework in 20 minute increments until you finish an assignment. Whatever you can manage. 

Tomorrow, do it again plus one more.

random sentence starters!

here’s a list of dialogue prompts that you can request from bc i love making these and they totally help with writer’s block!! so feel free to send in a number and a muse :-) **i’ll probably continue to add on to this as time goes on btw

  1. ❝i think about it every day and every night.❞
  2. ❝i.. i can’t stay..❞
  3. ❝what did you just call me?❞ 
  4. ❝i couldn’t care less. i’m with you right now, that’s all that matters.❞ 
  5. ❝please, don’t go. don’t leave me.❞ 
  6. ❝you still love her, huh?❞ 
  7. ❝frankly, my dear, i don’t give a damn❞ 
  8. ❝i’m not ready for them to find out about us.❞ 
  9. ❝it was always you.❞ 
  10. ❝you’re a coward.❞ 
  11. ❝it certainly took them long enough.❞ 
  12. ❝you’re the best part of me.❞ 
  13. ❝stay the night. please.❞ 
  14. ❝well, well. my night just got better.❞ 
  15. ❝my life would be so boring if you weren’t in it.❞ 
  16. ❝i didn’t think love existed until i met you.❞ 
  17. ❝when were you going to tell me?❞ 
  18. ❝[name], you look tired. come to bed.❞ 
  19. ❝i want to marry you.❞ 
  20. ❝you’ll be fine, i promise.❞ 
  21. ❝please get up.❞ 
  22. ❝you know i’m/we’re here for you, right?❞ 
  23. ❝don’t look at me like that.❞ 
  24. ❝your lips are so soft. i could kiss them all day.❞ 
  25. ❝i can’t fall in love with you. i don’t want all the pain that comes with that.❞ 
  26. ❝it’s nice that your voice was the first thing i heard today.❞ 
  27. ❝aww, you’re blushing like a rose!❞ 
  28. ❝you don’t need to leave so soon.❞ 
  29. ❝i can’t believe i got the first date, let slone the first year!❞ 
  30. ❝i don’t think i can do this without you.❞ 
  31. ❝i tried to move on but nobody is you.❞ 
  32. ❝you know, [name], i’m glad we’re here together.❞ 
  33. ❝hello, i’m [name], and i’m completely available.❞ 
  34. ❝i never wanted any of this to happen to you.❞ 
  35. ❝whatever it takes, isn’t that what you said?❞ 
  36. ❝i’d give up so much to have another chance.❞ 
  37. ❝you think i wanted all this?!❞ 
  38. ❝i made mistakes.. and i can’t keep pretending they didn’t happen.❞ 
  39. ❝you made mistakes.. and you can’t keep pretending they didn’t happen.❞ [for a angstier fic] 
  40. ❝this is what life’s about.❞ 
  41. ❝i’m just saying.. please believe in something.❞ 
  42. ❝you’re going to be fine.❞ 
  43. ❝it’s easier to be by myself.❞ 
  44. ❝i made i promise and now it seems that i won’t be able to keep it.❞ 
  45. ❝they don’t hate you.❞ 
  46. ❝i’m an open book.❞ 
  47. ❝i’m not going to stop leaving marks until I’m sure that every knows you’re mine.❞ 
  48. ❝look! the is so beautiful tonight!❞ 
  49. ❝if you shut up people might actually think you’re smart.❞ 
  50. ❝you have something in your hair.. um–do you want me to get it out?❞ 
  51. ❝look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but i’m still worried about you. no one deserves to be alone.❞ 
  52. ❝you could’ve died, you know?❞ 
  53. ❝can i offer you a drink?❞ 
  54. ❝coming here was your idea.❞ 
  55. ❝chin up. there’s always next time.❞ 
  56. ’Fine’? Are you mad?❞ 
  57. ❝there are rules. even for one such as you.❞ 
  58. ❝there is a thin line between a martyr and a fool.❞ 
  59. ❝oh, c’mon! i came all this way.❞ 
  60. ❝shame.  i kind of liked you.❞ 
  61. ❝i still believe there is a good person in you.❞ 
  62. ❝you’re kidding right? Right?❞ 
  63. ❝i knew this day would come.. sooner or later.❞ 
  64. ❝i’ll be fine, i promise.❞ 
  65. ❝i just want to hold you.❞ 
  66. ❝you know we belong together. i knew it the first time i saw you, and you know it, too. i know you do.❞ 
  67. ❝could i sit here? all the other tables are full.❞ 
  68. ❝i came here to explain and i’m not leaving until you listening.❞ 
  69. ❝stay alive for me, please.❞ 
  70. ❝i promise.❞ 
  71. ❝you’re the best part of me.❞ 
  72. ❝are you really taking their side against mine?❞ 
  73. ❝i had to see you again.❞ 
  74. ❝help me understand.❞ 
  75. ❝look, i don’t have much time, but i wanted to tell you that i love you.❞ 
  76. ❝no one needs to know.❞
  77. ❝you people are insufferable.❞ 
  78. ❝yes, s/he is.. s/he’s perfect.❞ 
  79. ❝i don’t believe i’ve introduced myself properly. how rude of me!❞ 
  80. ❝may i ask for a name to put to a lovely face?❞ 
  81. ❝just hold me.❞ 
  82. ❝i’m with you, okay? always.❞ 
  83. ❝s/he started it!❞ 
  84. ❝i didn’t realize i needed your permission.❞ 
  85. ❝everyone i’ve loved has either died or left me and i’ll be damned if you name is added to that list.❞ 
  86. ❝how could you let this happen?!❞ 
  87. ❝i’ll be fine love.❞ 
  88. ❝stop worrying so much! i’m grown i can take care of myself!❞ 
  89. ❝if i didn’t know any better, i’d say you’re trying to seduce me.❞ 
  90. ❝i wish i never even met her/him!❞ 
  91. ❝you thought you had a choice?❞ 
  92. ❝i don’t have a choice, [name].❞ 
  93. ❝you’ll do amazing, just like always.❞ 
  94. ❝you’re ridiculously comfortable..❞ 
  95. ❝a little cuddling won’t kill you, i promise.❞ 
  96. ❝i always sleep better when you’re here with me.❞ 
  97. ❝it isn’t up for debate.❞ 
  98. ❝you’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.❞ 
  99. ❝i can’t do this anymore.. not with you..❞ 
  100. ❝i’ve had a rough day and honestly all i want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.❞ 
Poking Fun

Originally posted by andersjohnson

Originally posted by smart-arse-under-the-mountain

Warnings: Slightly suggestive

MASTER LIST

“What are those on your back, lad?” You hear Dwalin ask and that makes you swallow, hard. The mountain was reclaimed about a year ago and Thorin had been made King Under the Mountain. In order to keep in touch with all of the members of the Company, Thorin made sure to set aside one weekend every month for the company to gather together like old times.

You were all currently in the armory, sparring each other and it was currently Fili and Dwalin. They had both removed their shirts during the process and it’s when Dwalin had asked his question that you realized you left marks on Fili’s back from your rendezvous the night before.

No one but Thorin, Dis, and Kili knew about the two of you and they never gave you two a break.

“Ay. I believe it’s the mark of a lover. I didn’t realize the heir had a possible consort,” Bofur jumps in, clapping Fili on the back. Thorin and Kili shoot you knowing looks and you stick your tongue out at the both of them.

“I didn’t realize she left a few marks,” Fili says, trying to get a proper look at his back. “Oh she’s a feisty one,” Dwalin chuckles. “Who is she? A lady from the Iron Hills?” Nori asks making you scoff.

“Dams from the iron hills are known to be quite good in bed,” Bofur says, nodding at his own observation. Fili shoots you a glance and you look away.

He was the one who wanted to keep this relationship between the two of you. For what reason? You did not know but you were going to let him do whatever he wanted. That, however doesn’t mean you have to like it.

“I bet she’s a hag,” Kili says, laughing and you covertly flip him off. “Have you not met her?” Ori asks quietly. “Oh I have. Fili dear could not do better,” Kili replies and that makes you smile. You were thankful that Dis, Kili and Thorin had immediately accepted you into the family. You don’t think you could’ve handled it if they didn’t.

“Well come on lad. Aren’t you going to tell us about the lady from the iron hills?” Bofur asks.

“Yeah. Come on Fee. Lets hear about this lady of yours,” you say and he shoots you a glare making you smirk.

“Is she good in bed?” “Is she a screamer?” “Does she-”

Those questions make fili snap.

“Oh for Mahal’s sake she’s right there!” He shouts pointing at you. “Y/n and I have been courting for nearly a year already and your questions are getting on my nerves.”

There is a complete silence before dwalin starts laughing.

“Don’t worry lad. We were just trying to push your buttons. We’ve known for a while now but we were getting tired of you two pussyfooting around the subject,” he explains and that makes you smile. Always the blunt one.

“At least we know that the lassie is quite a scratcher,” Bofur says, giving you a wink and with that, you shove him off the bench. No matter how much fun they poked at you, you will always love this company.

Just in case you forgot.

You are not a soulless part of the place that you work at. You are a human being and deserve to be treated as such. You’re in charge of who you are so what customers say to you or about you is not and will never be the truth. If anyone calls you a name or tells you how to do your job, just remember that they are the ones that forgot what it is to be human. They’re the soulless monsters. You’re better than that and I believe each and every single one of you knows it. Just a reminder that that’s still true. Keep being amazing. You’ve got this. -Abby