I’m going to Planned Parenthood for my yearly exam today, which reminded me of the happenings of last year. In the interest of oversharing, I thought I’d let you in on that too.
So, you know, you’re supposed to like, get naked and put on the paper vest and put the paper blanket over your lap, right?
Uhhhhhh well somewhere in the process of this, I was like, “instructions unclear. Tried to wear paper vest as pants.”
Which didn’t work. I wound up accidentally tearing the thing in half in my attempt to make something pants that clearly wasn’t pants. Then in my haste to fix my egregious errors, I managed to rip the paper blanket too, so when the doctor comes in I’m basically just clutching scraps of paper to my naked body and trying to explain myself.
They also have these bowls of condoms out, right? But most of them are in places where people are gonna see you if you take them. So I’ll be checking into my appointment like, “Condom? No I couldn’t possibly. Haha not me. I am pure.”
Cut to me in the bathroom stuffing condoms in my purse cuz they got a drawer full of them in there. Because, I mean, hey, if a miracle happens, you gotta be prepared.
But we got Planned Parenthood themed chapstick and a year’s worth of good ol’ birth control, so all in all a good trip.