i ate this!

say a quick prayer for me please!! im feeling really ill all of a sudden, nauseous and dizzy, and not only is it a busy weekend for me with term papers and midterms, i have a residence outreach presentation tonight to help first years with exam prep that i can’t miss bc there’s only me and one other girl running the whole event

sorry that I’ve been a bit absent (again) from tumblr (and will continue to be). I’m still around, lurking and such, but responding to messages/replies and such is just … not something I can do right now. things with my dad have taken a nosedive and we’re basically in the ‘waiting’ stage, and on top of that, dealing with my lyme regime has left me with little to no energy for much else aside from hospital visits, scrolling this damn website that doesn’t even LOAD HALF OF THE TIME and giggling here and there at stupid memes.

I’ll be back, I swear … just wanted you all to know I’m not ignoring you :)

True Black: The Tarot Deck

True Black: The Tarot Deck just lauched on Kickstarter!

*Images property of True Black Tarot, used with permission. For more deck images see the Kickstarter.

Launching on Kickstarter for the reduced price of $70 (retail $85) this deck is really a stunning work of art. Go check it out & get yours! For more deck pictures, please visit the Kickstarter page!

True Black: The Tarot Deck on Kickstarter!

It characters as things that happened in my school

Stan: for a whole year walked around with a water bottle on his head

Richie: taped pictures of Danny Devito everywhere and didn’t get caught

Eddie: broke his ankle on the last step of the stairs and had to be carried across the school by his friends

Mike: gave his friend a quesadilla from Taco Bell during the middle of history class

Bev: said “we’re so close to our teacher like I can call him a hoe and he won’t even care… MR BAKER YOURE A HOE”

Ben: blasted cotton eye joe every art class on the TV

Bill: jumped in the pond for weed but never got it

Georgie: in the middle of the hallway yelled SASUKE and then proceeded to naruto run

Henry: at lunch screamed “y’all mind if I hit that YEET?” And then dabbed

Patrick: in Aqua class someone told him “don’t drop the fish” but then he accidentally threw it across the room

Pennywise: was thrown into the water fountain and broke it clean off the wall

‘this, Lilibet, is Alfred. my son, and the same obnoxious chap who drove your great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather quite mad.’

‘pleasure to meet you ma’am. i promise i’m not that bad.’

it’s 1945 and alfred gets to meet the (future) queen 

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Happy Birthday to my Moonshine, TSUKISHIMA KEI
      belated
 誕生日おめでと~ TSUKKI!! #月島蛍生誕祭2017

(Technically it’s the 15th since it’s 1:38am)

So there’s one bit near the end of the Genocide Run that hit me pretty hard, personally. And as with most things that hit me very hard emotionally, it was a random almost throwaway line that wasn’t written to be focused on that much. But whether it intentionally held the meaning I took from it or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I DID take meaning from it.

When Flowey is monologuing near the very very end of the game and explaining what he went through, he talks about how he lacks the ability to feel anything for the people around him, and how desperately, frantically, he wishes he did. He talks about how, at first, he tried to help people. He talks about how at first it seemed to help, but every time it was time to let go, to move on, he got scared and couldn’t do it. He’d panic and reset instead. And how then he’d be right back where he started. And he would try helping everyone again.

But it became hollow. Everyone always said the exact same things, and did the exact same things. And nothing changed. And nothing new ever happened.

And eventually, just out of sheer desperation for SOMETHING new, he decided to kill everyone. And how that was at first a relief, but even that grew stale and empty as he did it over and over again. Until he was left with nothing, and there was nothing to care about, either for better or worse, but he couldn’t let go either. So he was trapped in this world where nothing ever changed, and he couldn’t make himself leave.

It’s a sad story, but it’s also a bit of a gut punch because of its implications.

Maybe in time, the person playing the game, the actual human being behind the keyboard, not the pixel character they control, would find themselves in the exact same situation. Eventually, things in a game stop changing. Characters always say the same things, do the same things. And maybe in time, as boredom takes over, the player would also try a genocide game just for SOMETHING new. But eventually even that will become empty and lead to nowhere after you do it enough.

I can’t really say if that’s true or not. I can’t say it’s false either.

But It’s 2 years now. And a lot of us are still here. And more importantly a lot of us still care. Quite deeply in fact.

And maybe we won’t care forever, maybe the same thing will happen, or more likely, we’d be the ones able to let go and move on to other things and let go. Maybe there’s no escaping that.

But it’s been 2 years, and at least for now, we’re still here.

There is also the possibility I’ve considered, that since the insane success of the game was never expected or anticipated at all, that the level of love it caused in gamers was a complete and utter surprise, maybe their ability to never fall into that cycle of apathy and just how long they can keep going, caring as hard as ever, will also be a complete surprise that was never foreseen.

Or even more simply, maybe Flowey just needed to be shown, as with so many things, he was wrong about that too.

Who knows. Honestly I can’t say how things will look in time. It could either way.


But at least by year 2 we were still here.

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