i ate dinner so this is really late

today is very good! yesterday i finally met my bestie again after two months! and a lot of friends, we had a dinner at dads houseboat. we drank beer and some of us stayed and talked until late and slept over. then when we woke up we ate sandwiches and hurried to school, it was so sunny we put on sunglasses and joked around. at school i got tired but it was nice and i drank tea. then i started painting and now its getting pretty late and i think this painting is starting to look really nice, its gonne be a series i think. i feel better than okay :)

21.3.17

12:35pm
Apple 67cal
Nectarine 38cal
Strawberries 47cal
Banana 116cal

7:30pm
Salad - baby spinach, tomato, pine nuts and red onion (asked for sauce on the side - didn’t eat it) I have no idea how many calories but I didn’t finish it.

Total: 268 calories + dinner .. ?

Calories burned: 283cal

So I got through it. I feel guilty even though I ate the best option there. I think it’s because I ate so late. Something I just realised is that in less than a month I’m going to Disneyland and I have idea what to do. I will not be able to count calories, will be limited to fresh produce and it’s for a whole week. That could really set back my progress. If anyone has any ideas what I can do please let me know. Hope your day was lovely. Stay safe xxx
☁️

3

Oregon.

One night we were just sitting around my friends apartment talking about how we wanted to go camping. Then the next day we ended up at Target buying food and camping supplies. We got to the site after the sun was setting and hiked 2 miles through a forest in the dark, while carrying SO MUCH STUFF. And when I say so much stuff, I really mean so much stuff. After pitching the tent, we ate sour gummy worms and other various junk foods for dinner in our cozy tent and talked about life. I remember laying in that tent, hearing the waves crash below us, and feeling so happy. A moment in life that I could never forget.

As a kid, the ocean has always fascinated me. Camping on/above the beach has always been on my bucket-list. This morning we woke up late and it was gloomy. I stepped outside the tent and I remember being so in awe of where we slept last night. These photos give the view zero justice. There were beautiful rock formations all along the beach and it looked like something out of a movie. Then we took some photos, packed up our stuff, got pancakes and headed back to Portland. 

160515 “Kyocera Dome Day 2″

Jonghyun messed up and mispronounced a word. For a little bit he went silent and then said, “I messed up” very shyly. He then said, “Actually, [I wanted to say] are you getting excited?” And then Onew made a bad pun: “The next [song] is a combination platter!”*

[T/N: The word Jonghyun was trying to say is pronounced, “Moriagaremasu.” Combination platter is “moriawase.”

cr: korea_shygeeks trans: professorjjong

Mom, Tree and boyfriend were right to

“So how’s Adam doing, honey? It’s been a while since I last saw him.” Andrea wondered, smiling at her daughter as they ate dinner. Taylor looked at her mom, a small smile on her face as she thought of her boyfriend.

“He’s great. He’s been really busy lately but he’s great.” Taylor replied, taking a bite of her food. Her mother nodded her head.

“That’s good, honey. You two doing okay? Living together and everything?” Andrea questioned and Taylor grinned at her mother nodding. Taylor had moved in with Calvin about two months ago, a decision that wasn’t very hard seeing as they had been basically living together already but hadn’t officially moved in with each other.

“Yeah. It’s been amazing. He’s amazing.” Taylor answered her mom.

“You’ve been different lately.” Her mother commented making her furrow her eyebrows, confused at what she meant.

“Different? In what way?” Taylor inquired. Had something been different in her lately?

“It’s nothing, it’s just my head messing with me.” Andrea laughed and Taylor nodded her head reluctantly.

“The show tonight is going to kill me, I’ve been so tired lately.” Taylor sighed, moving the conversation topic to another or so she thought.

“Oh I almost forgot, I made pie for dessert.” Andrea stood up from the table.

“Wait, mom! I kinda don’t want pie right now?” She cleared her throat and her mom looked at her curiously.

“Why? You love it, you never say no to this pie.” She sat back down on her chair, eyeing her daughter.

“Pies make me nauseous lately for some reason.” And it had, that and sushi. Every Time she saw pie or sushi, she would get really nauseous. Calvin had brought sushi with him from work for dinner but they ended up having McDonald’s because Taylor literally ran to the bathroom to throw up because it made her so nauseous.

“Taylor, are you pregnant?” Andrea straightforward asked and Taylor almost choked on the juice she was having.

“What?” She breathed out.

“What? You’re tired, pies make you nauseous when you love them and when I called you yesterday you said your back was killing you. Are you pregnant?” Taylor’s eyes widened. The thing was, the thought had crossed her mind because she missed her period but she was so busy and scared to even take a test she didn’t think about it for at least a week but now her mother had made her think about it again.

“I…I don’t know.” She stuttered.

“Have you thought about it? Because this isn’t very normal for you sweetie.”

Taylor shook her head before looking at her phone. “Oh crap! I have to go!” She stood up quickly. “We’ll talk later about this. I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant though, I mean hopefully.” She took a deep breath and hugged her mother before walking out of the house and into the car. Her driver was already there waiting so she walking into the car and her driver started the engine.

The thought had been running through her head all the time. Was she pregnant? She could be but she didn’t know if she wanted to be, at least not yet. She decided that if she missed her period next week then she would take the test because she suspected something was up when her mother brought it up. It wasn’t usual to throw up all the time although she could be sick. Mood swings weren’t normal as well and feeling tired all the time weren’t either. It was a distant thought that had crossed her mind which she brushed off.

She hadn’t even noticed the car had stopped, too lost in her thoughts so she walked out and made her way inside the arena, entering the chaos as everyone got everything ready for the show tonight. It was quite similar to the chaos inside her mind. She spotted Tree, her publicist, down the hall, a smile on her face as Taylor approached her.

“Hey, superstar.” Tree greeted, giving Taylor a hug. “You have soundcheck in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, I’m just going to lay on the couch for a while, call me when it’s time.” Taylor told her.

“Are you feeling okay? Is there anything wrong with you, Tay?” Tree questioned worriedly and Taylor smiled softly at her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired that’s all.” She responded before walking away to her dressing room. She sighed when she shut the door, the sounds outside almost disappearing as she was alone with her thoughts. She felt so tired she could probably just fall asleep on that couch she was laying and that was what happened when Tree came into the door.

“Taylor, wake up!” She shook Taylor’s arm and she opened her eyes. “Are you really that tired? What’s up? Did you get any sleep last night?” Tree wondered, moving to sit on the chair next to the table.

“I slept well last night. Don’t worry, Tree. It’s fine.” Taylor stood up and went to get a bottle of water before looking back at Tree who was eating sushi. “Oh god, is that sushi?” Taylor groaned. “That smells terrible.”

“No it doesn’t. It’s sushi. You like sushi. It also happens to be from your favorite sushi restaurant.” Tree furrowed her eyebrows as Taylor made a disgusted face.

“Oh no!” Taylor put her hand over her mouth before running to the bathroom And throwing up in the toilet, kneeling down. Tree stood up quickly and held Taylor’s hair back. “Ugh this is terrible.” She groaned leaning against the wall.

“Taylor, what’s up with you?” Tree rubbed her arm.

“I don’t know.” Taylor closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Sushi has been making me nauseous for a few months now and I’ve been tired most of time and I’ve been throwing up a lot.” She sighed.

“Tay, you’re not pregnant, are you?” Tree asked carefully and Taylor ran her hand through her hair.

“My mom asked me that too and I don’t know, Tree. It would make things so complicated.” She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes.

“You need to know for sure. But wait until after the show. Talk with Adam afterwards but let’s get you to soundcheck so we can get this ready.” She offered her hand to Taylor to help her stand up and Taylor took it.

“I’ll just brush my teeth. I’ll be out in five minutes.” Taylor smiled softly and Tree left the room. She took a deep breath and quickly brushed her teeth before going out the door into the hall. She was greeted by smiles from the crew as she walked towards the stage. Soundcheck went surprisingly fast and she was back in her dressing room soon to find her boyfriend sitting on the couch, a smile on his face as she stepped in the room. “Oh my gosh, baby! What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming!” She ran to his open arms and he held her close to him.

“It’s a surprise, love. I missed you.” He murmured against her neck. “And Tree called, saying you weren’t feeling okay and I was already on my way here.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” She pulled away to look at him and he raised his eyebrows making her roll her eyes. “I mean it. I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“Taylor, you’ve been tired for a few weeks now and you’ve been throwing up a lot lately too, I’ve noticed, Tay. Even if you tried to hide it. I know and Tree told me you threw up earlier. Baby, what’s going on?” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m worried about you.” He kissed her forehead.

“I don’t know yet. My mom and Tree think I might be…” She paused, closing her eyes and he cut her off, voicing her thoughts.

“Pregnant?” He whispered against her forehead and she held her breath. “I think so too.”

“Why? I could just be sick.” Taylor shrugged although she was a nervous wreck inside.

“I know but you should consider all the possibilities, love. Taylor, there’s a big chance you are.” She nodded her head and rested it on his chest and he held her against him. “And it’s okay if you are, you hear me?”

“After the show, I’ll take a test, okay? But hopefully I’m not.”

“What do you mean hopefully you’re not? Do you not want kids?” He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes and she sighed.

“No, not right now!” She told him, running her hand through her hair. “Adam…” She groaned. “You know how complicated it would be to have kids right now! Things are crazy! We don’t have time for kids, we’re not even married yet.”

“I know, Taylor. I just thought you maybe wanted kids but I was wrong and it’s fine.” He moved away from her making her sigh again and grab his hand.

“I do want kids! But I don’t think now is the right time!” She spoke up and he looked back at her.

“And if you are pregnant? What then?” He stared at her and she didn’t speak for a few moments.

“Then I am. It’s not like I wouldn’t love it, it would just make things a whole lot complicated or am I the only one who sees it?” She questioned throwing her hands in the air in a desperate manner. “After the show, we’ll know for sure so let’s just stop right now. I don’t want to fight about this with you especially when it’s about something like this.” She placed her hand on his cheek, the other on his chest as she looked up at him. “If I’m pregnant, then we’re having a kid and if I’m not then we’ll wait until we want to and we actually plan for one. Baby, please don’t be mad at me because of this.”

“Tay, I understand. Don’t worry.” He kissed her cheek. “I just kind of want one right now but it fine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She inquired, smiling softly.

“Because I was worried about your reaction. I don’t want to rush you or anything. A baby is a life commitment, I want us to be ready for it. I know I am but I didn’t know about you, now I do and now we might actually be having one.” He shook his head and she put her lips on his making him laugh slightly.

“Can you go buy me some tests?” She questioned against his lips and he looked at her weirdly.

“Didn’t you want to wait until after the show?”

“Not anymore. I don’t want to spend the concert wondering if I’m pregnant or not, I want to know now.” She pecked his lips and he nodded his head, smiling. “On a second thought, we should just send Tree to get some. Don’t want any headlines written about you buying pregnancy tests do we?”

“I’ll go tell her. You lay on the couch and sleep if you want, you seem to be tired.” He told her, kissing her forehead before going to find Tree who was in the hall talking to Andrea who had arrived while they were talking. “Hey, Andrea.” He leaned down to hug her.

“Hey, sweetie! I didn’t know you’d be here!” She grinned at him.

“Taylor wasn’t feeling well so here I am.” He smiled. “I actually need you to do something, Tree.” He turned to the red head. “I need you to go get pregnancy tests.”

“So Taylor talked to you about our suspicions?” Andrea perked up, a small grin on her face when Calvin nodded his head. “Just so you know, I wouldn’t mind being a grandma at all.” She patted his cheek and he laughed. “I’m going to find Scott and see if he has run out of guitar picks.” She said making everyone laugh.

“I’ll go get that for you. Go back to your girlfriend, knowing how she is, she’s probably stressing out right now.” Calvin nodded and made his way back to the dressing room. He stood on the doorway watching her for a while as she lay on the couch, his presence still unnoticed. She was on her phone, probably on tumblr. He walked to her, pulling her in his lap and hugging her tightly.

After about half an hour, a knock on the door interrupted the silence that had settled and Tree came in a bag in her hand. Taylor gulped standing up from Calvin’s lap.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Good luck.” Tree smiled and Taylor nodded taking the bag from her hand before looking at Calvin.

“Whatever happens, it’s fine.” She walked into the bathroom, shut the door and took the tests before putting all four of them on the counter and opening the door so Calvin could step in. “How long do we have to wait?”

“Like four minutes.” Taylor responded. “Oh god! There might be an actual baby inside me, how are you not freaking out?”

“Okay, you need to breathe, Taylor. It will be fine. It’s a potential baby, not a monster.” He laughed and she glared at him making him shut up. Four minutes seemed a lot longer than usual as they waited for possible life changing results. “Do you want me to look or are we just going to stand here?” He asked looking at her after the four minutes passed.

“Right! Yeah, you look, I can’t do it.” He eyed the tests and picked up the first one before reading all the other ones. “For fucks sake, Adam. Does it take you that long to read? What does it say?”

“That you can add mommy to your resumé and I can add daddy to mine.” He spoke, a smile on his face. “You’re pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

“Oh my god!” She breathed out. “A baby, for real. We’re going to be parents.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “What are we going to do? Adam, this is going to be so hard.”

“And it will also be fun and amazing. We’re having a kid, baby. That’s kind of awesome!” He grinned at her making her giggle at his excitement. “For one second, please forget about everything else and just focus on the fact that a real baby is going to be ours, that it’s living inside you right now. Imagine a little someone running around calling you mommy. Isn’t it wonderful?” He rubbed her cheek and she smiled, allowing herself to forget everything, the reality they lived in.

“It is.” She nodded. “It’s not a bad situation. It’s actually a pretty good one.” She grinned and her hand flew to her stomach, placing it there and looking down. “It’s amazing.” She whispered as he placed his hand on hers.

Later that day, at the show, Taylor was ready to play her surprise song and the decision she had made when she stepped foot on the stage was the one thing going through her mind. She played never grow up. This time, with a different meaning as the father of her baby stood in the sound booth looking up at her as she played a song not to the thousands of fans in that arena but to a special little someone made out of love.

hehehehe so this evening i planned to have a late night ihop dinner thing with a friend. on the way i got really freaking hungry, despite the fact that i had eaten a big dinner earlier. i didn’t wanna wait until i got food at ihop so i pulled into a mcdonalds and picked up two big macs and two sausage biscuits to tide me over. i was a little late getting to ihop (and my clothes were a little tight) but luckily my friend happened to be running late as well. at ihop i opted for the blueberry pancakes, drowned them in syrup, and ate the entire stack. we sat and talked for a pretty long time and by the time we left i was hungry again! sooo i went BACK to mcdonalds and got another big mac, a large fry, and a large shake and finished every last bit! treated myself very nicely this evening! also i miiight just be losing control over my food addiction…