i apologize for objectifying you

I want to apologize to the LGBT community...

So I’m kind of new to the whole fujioshi world, and I was therefore very surprised when I started getting a lot of hate for liking things like Killing Stalking (KS).

People were calling me “disgusting,” “homophobic,” and a supporter of abusive relationships, and I just couldn’t understand why people were being so mean to the KS fandom (you can see I’m also kind of new to the internet, I have to admit I got into this social media thing a little late in my life). Therefore I kept involving myself in pointless arguments with a lot of people because I was tired of being called so many horrible things.

Finally, today I was scrambling through Tumblr and I saw this post about a gay man that, after showing affection to his partner on a public bus, two girls behind them started giggling and trying to get closer to the “yaoi” action. He wrote about how he felt offended because his partner and he were not there for these girls’ entertainment.

It was through this post that I finally understood why the LGBT community dislikes fujioshies so much: I really dislike it when female characters in anime, superhero movies, and social media in general, are portrayed in a sexual way in order to satisfy male audiences. I won’t judge you if you like those kinds of things, after all, it is fiction, but when those ideas begin to transfer into the real world, I get furious.

I am guilty of saying “I love gay people” and squealing when I see a gay couple in a street or restaurant. Therefore, I wanted to apologize to the LGBT community for objectifying you, especially gay people. I am going to continue being fujioshi and liking KS, however, I am going to be more conscious when it comes to separating fiction from reality.

However, I want to point out that the reason I realized my mistakes was not by being called “disgusting” and “homophobic,” it was by reading about someone’s experience and trying to understand how they feel. So you antis also need to change your way of communicating because cursing at people is just going to lead to more arguments.

Thank you.

make happy starters.

“the world is not funny.”

“we are all dying.”

“the world is not funny: Guy Fieri owns two functioning restaurants.”

“entertainers are not here to help you, they are here to control you.”

“never listen to them.”

“never give them what they want.”

“if you can divide by zero let me hear you say ‘hell yeah!’”

“don’t be pavlovian. I’m looking for actual answers here.”

 “pot is ruining America.”

“yeah we got a room full of pot heads, we’re gonna need back up.”

“I have no idea what’s going on over there.”

“what are they fighting about?”

“they have similar hats.”

“I can’t wrap my mind around exactly why I’m here.”

“I just hope I don’t get more from this than you do.”

“I would love to tell you that everything is fine.”

“you wanna be happy? well get in line.”

“yeah this is almost musically incoherent at this point.”

“y’all ain’t never seen a comedy show like this in your fucking lives, and for good reason: it get’s old after a while.”

“so I was at the dentist the other day, and nothing funny happened so I was like ‘don’t mention that on stage’”

“I already fucked it up.”

“I love you!”

“haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love. you need to reject both ends of the spectrum to leave a healthy middle.”

“I love the idea of you.”

“stop participating.”

“I’m trying to immortalize something I’ve worked on for a long time, shut up!”

“I have not made my mind up about masturbation, because, on one hand it feels good…”

“did you not think I was gonna use it, idiots?” 

“it’s not a prop.”

“I’ve got a lot of problems in my life, so I wrote a song about some of the problems in my life.”

“I got no one to talk to.”“If I could change don’t you think that I’d do it?”

“God only knows why he cursed me to be a straight, white man.”

“I state my problems, other people roll their eyes.”

“I’ve never been the victim of a random search for drugs, but you can’t say my life is easy until you’ve walked a mile in my Uggs.”

“the gays want kids… what?”

“can’t you just leave us alone? Also, no, to the things you asked for.”

“they’re being greedy and they know it.”

“everyone thinks that I’ve got it easy and just cause it’s true, doesn’t mean that it’s right.”

“give me a chance to show you what it is like to be a straight, white man.”

“my wife bought me the brand new iPhone… with and iPod Touch’s case, the case doesn’t fit that phone!”

“we used to have all the money and land, ans we still do but it’s not as fun now.”

“white guys invented everything but peanut butter, I believe, that’s what I was taught in school.”

“it doesn’t sound right but the american educational system having a racial bias? no way, joseph.”

“put the lights down, their faces creep me out.”

“why is it that when a woman wears revealing clothing, she’s labeled a slut yet if I were to wear her skin as a jacket I’m a murder?”

“that wasn’t clever it was just mean.”

*singing* “you’re a faggot! you’re a faggot! you’re a fucking faaaggot!”

“ —why was it on a record player? You know it’s one thing to make that, but to press it onto vinyl is a whole other thing. that’s gonna outlive me.”

“just to be clear I wrote, conceived and executed the entirety of that bit, do not give those dumb fucks any credit.”

“two examples is enough.”

“a lesser comedian would have milked that for four verses, and a better comedian wouldn’t have done it at all.”

“tomorrow is a relative term, we’re not getting there… which make’s ‘Annie’ more depressing.”

“fuck you! you don’t know where I’m going, don’t act like it! you are not ahead of me!”

“honesty is for the birds, baby.”

“that’s textbook pandering.”

“I hope my southern charm offsets all of these rape-y vibes I’m puttin’ out.”

“they’re lying to you, that’s all.”

“you deserve better. I’m not saying I’m it, but I’m the guy that says you deserve better, you go get better and you say ‘thank you weird man, bye’”

“it’s the end of culture! culture’s over, everybody, we lost!”

“I saw a gorgeous… dick.”

“yeah, ‘wooo’ that sadness out.”

“you might think this guy only exists in your mind, but guess what? you’re right.”

“if you want love, lower your expectations.”

“Prince Charming would never settle for you.”

“If you want love, just pick a guy/girl and love him/her.”

“If he’s got a thing for feet say ‘fuck it, sweep me off them.’”

“the good thing is, at least men have very real expectations for women …he said, sarcastically.”

“you might think this girl only exists in your mind, but she’s real– but last week, she died.”

“you might think your dick is a gift, I promise it’s not.”

“but we all deserve love, even on the days when we aren’t our best. ‘cause we all suck, but love can make us suck less.”

“it’s the very best part of being alive, and I would know, I just turned twenty-five.”

“original does not mean good.”

“I don’t wanna get political because I only know my ideas of other people’s ideas.”

“mother fucker’s got moving candles!”

“are you drunk? have you been drinking again? you’re fucking wasted, aren’t you?”

“what’s behind your back? what are you holding behind your back?”

“that’s… mayonnaise. that is a jar or mayonnaise, that is not peanut butter. why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?”

“touche, bitch.”

“no, no I WILL have to clean it up, because you’ll make it worse if you try.”

“this is what I deal with man, this is what I deal with Monday through… Monday.”

“guys I was at the store recently and –no, i’ll save you time… I bought something.”

“they’re not sponsoring me I’m just trying to get them to.”

“they like to kick you when times get rough, and you give your all, but it’s not enough.”

“sticks and stones might break your bones but words can break your heart.”

“if you don’t know where to go I’ll tell you where to start: kill yourself.”

“kill yourself! it’ll only take a minute, you’ll be happy that you did it!”

“just go over to your oven and stick your head in it.”

“just grab a mug and chug a cup of lighter fluid.”

“I feel like you’ve pulled back, maybe it’s on account of the face I’m telling you to kill yourself over and over.”

“life’s toughest problems don’t have simple answers.”“get it through your head – ‘it’ being a bullet.”

“I don’t like explaining jokes but the one where I tell everyone to kill themselves might deserve an explanation.”

“if you’re offended, do not right a blog, I apologize immediately. SORRY! right away!”

“take your pants off!”

“do not objectify me. you think it’s okay just ‘cause I’m a dude?”

“you think it’s okay because he’s a dude?”

“life is not always rock and roll.”

“it’s over. we shouldn’t fight to stay together, just to fight again.”

“we need to take a break from us to make us right again.”

“when the dust has settled I hope we can still be friends.”

“eat a dick!”“I think I made the right decision.”

“okay, you’re angry. I can see that, but you don’t have to make this harder than it has to be.”
“honestly are you fucking five?”

“I’m saying how I’m feeling, and then you’re saying ‘eat a dick’ over and over again.”

“see I think the issue is I got my father’s temper and I’m emotionally inarticulate so rather than being honest and vulnerable I did a quick switch ‘cause I’m hurt inside and I’m trying to hide it so-” *crying* “eat a dick bitch!”

“I didn’t think you’d cry for me. I didn’t think you cared.”

“I thought you were lashing out in anger, but now I see you’re scared. I’m scared too.”

“maybe we can work this out and not break up.”

“you think three lousy tears offsets three years of shit?”

“I deserve better than you.”

“stay out of it!”

“it’s a very diverse crowd –I mean more European than I had hoped.”

“I had a privileged life, AND I got luck, AND I’m unhappy.”

“And now you’re thinking, ‘how the fuck are you gonna dig yourself out of this weird hole?’”

“oh you want me to be funny AND make a point?”

“he talked about his problem: race… power… his $90 t-shirts weren’t selling very well, that was most of it.”

“I’ll be honest, my problems are not as high-stakes as Kanye’s.”

“I can’t fit my hand inside a Pringles can. I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of Pringles can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but by that point a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can and they all go spilling onto my face.”

“what I’m trying to say is the diameter of a Pringle can is way to small.”

“I wanna have a daughter. I wanna have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house that can fit their hand inside of Pringles can– Yes I am still on the Pringle cans thing. Yeah, I’ll move on, but that is priority numero uno.”

“I don’t go to the gym because I’m self conscious about my body, but I’m self conscious about my body because I don’t go to the gym. Irony can be so painful.”

“I went to Chipotle. Got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line, I got like all these ingredients and then at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but have of the shit inside spilled out and he still tried to wrap it and I was like ‘dude you warned me. you’re a burrito expert, you should’ve told me halfway through ‘hey man you might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here.’ do you think I want a messy burrito? no one wants a messy burrito.”

“the whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn’t have gotten half this shit if I knew it wasn’t gonna fit in the burrito.”

“I’m okay with small mistakes like if you got no more chicken I’ll take pork but I’ll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork.”

“I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are Pringles cans and burritos.”

“the truth is my biggest problem is you. I wanna please you, but I wanna stay true to myself.”

“I wanna give you the night out you deserve.”

“I wanna say what I think, and not care what you think about it.”

“A part of me loves you, a part of me hates you, a part of me needs you, a part of me fears you.”

“I don’t think that I can handle this right now.”

“come and watch the skinny kid with the steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself.”

“I hope you’re happy.”

“on a scale from one to zero: are you happy?”

“you’re on your own from here.”

“what the fuck kind of question is ‘am I happy’?”

“I really wanna try to get happy, and I think that I could get it if I didn’t panic every time I’m unhappy.”

“oh, god, my dad was right.”

“you’re everything you hated. are you happy?”

How To Be Rejected: A Guide For Guys

Not enough men and boys know how to deal with rejection well. Far too often, men and boys who are rejected result to violence, angry outbursts, name calling, and threats. A scroll through the Instagram account @feminist_tinder will prove as much. Margaret Atwood is attributed as saying that “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” And doesn’t that speak volumes? How often can a man say that he is afraid to reject a woman’s advances for fear she may kill him?

Rejection doesn’t feel good, but that doesn’t give someone the right or justification to be predatory, vicious, a dick, or menacing. Newsflash: women are autonomous beings. They have a right to say no and to be free from any shitty reactions afterwards. So, to that end, I’ve compiled a guide to explain (to guys) how a guy should react to various types of rejection.

Scenario 1: You build up the nerve to ask a gal out. She says “No.” Her “no” can be followed by any reason she chooses, whether that reason is her real reason or not. Her reason is not important. Her “no” is. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. Thank you for your honesty. Hope you have a lovely day.” Your ego is bruised, but you’ll get over it. The rejection sucks, but do you know what sucks more? Degrading or threatening or hurting a woman because she told you “no.”

Scenario 2: You’ve been on multiple dates with someone and she texts you to call things off. Maybe it’s “We’re not at the same point in life” or “We’re too different,” or “I met someone else.” The reason, again, is irrelevant. What’s relevant is that she said she’s ending it, which is her right. You don’t own her and she hardly owes you an explanation. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. I enjoyed getting to know you. I wish you all the best in your search for the right partner.” You’re out time and maybe money, but you get to dignify someone else’s choice. And that is huge. Don’t be the guy that clings on after a few dates. If she wants out, she gets to leave. No questions asked.

Scenario 3: You’ve been dating for quite some time and feel quite connected to your girlfriend. But, she meets with you to end your relationship. Again, any reason she gives she is entitled to give, and you have to accept that. It will be a bitter pill, but life goes on. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say). “Ok. I loved our time together. I learned a lot about myself. I wish you the best going forward.” See the pattern yet? She says some variation of “I’m not interested” and your reply conveys complete and utter acceptance and support for her decision. This is called “being a fucking adult who respects the autonomy of other human beings and supports their growth.” Your girlfriend breaks up with you, but you’re not a dick, so you’ll reflect and grow (as oppose to threaten and shrivel).

Scenario 4: You both swipe right on Tinder, but after you say hi she tells you she is not interested. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. Thanks for your honesty.” Matching on Tinder isn’t a golden ticket to romance or sex. You still have to be a decent human being, which means acknowledging that people can change their minds for any reason and don’t owe you an explanation.

Scenario 5: You both swipe right on Tinder, but you lead with something sexist like “Sup sexy. Hot pics.” She replies “I have a name and it’s not ‘sexy.’ You should use it if you want women to reply.” So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “You’re exactly right. My sincerest apologies. I was wrong to objectify you. You probably get that a lot. Sorry to have added to the pile. I’ll stop saying that. Good luck on here.” This reply = mature adult who learns from mistakes. Other possible replies (seriously, go read @feminist_tinder on Instagram) that rely on belittling, degrading, making threats, etc., reveal that you are not an adult but a child, one that sees a woman as a toy to play with instead of a human to get to know. You want control of your possessions, so when your “toy” says “no” and leaves you with no control, you lash out. If you saw her as a person with feelings, one to be cared for and not controlled, you wouldn’t respond like this. You’d have empathy and grow.

When men resort to violence, anger, name calling, or threats, they are not acting out of any kind of love. Instead, they are acting out of a selfish need for control or power. You claim to adore someone then threaten to hurt her for “breaking your heart?” That’s not love, that’s abuse. That’s attacking her human autonomy. That’s cowardice.

When faced with rejection, you only get to say “Ok. Thanks for letting me know.” That’s it. The examples above are all variations on that idea. You can feel hurt, but you don’t get to hurt her. You can feel angry, but you don’t get to get angry at her. She gets to walk away, and you have to walk away. No questions asked, either, because you’re not entitled to the answers. She’s not your possession. She’s her own person.

An apology to Sam Heughan

An apology to Sam Heughan in advance of tomorrow’s episode: Dear Sam: you are a supremely talented actor and an incredible human being. Intelligent, informed, passionate, kind, an incredible personality, a total dork…I love all of those things about you. I respect you for those things. I have spent a lot of time appreciating your amazing talent thus far on Outlander. However, I’m afraid that tomorrow, I will be objectifying you. I apologize in advance. I’m sure your talent will shine through but…well…tomorrow, I am looking forward to your fine ass. And…other things. Apologies.

Felt I could bring this from FB to here.