i apologise profusely for this

archiveofourown.org
Did You Mean It. - melody1987 - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Batman - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Characters: Joker (DCU), Batman, Bruce Wayne
Additional Tags: absolutely fluffy bullshit, Alternate Ending, gay lego, this fucking movie will be the death of me i swear
Summary:

Batman wasn’t good with words. As his Greatest Enemy, Joker should have known that by now.

A short silly little piece of self-indulgent crap that I apologise for profusely! Kind of based on this drawing

So I saw a post with holiday au’s and felt like doing a little writing, seeing as I haven’t done any in literal years. So here’s a feysand fic.

“I was having a snowball fight outside and you were casually walking by and oh my god I’m so sorry I accidentally nailed you in the face

The first decent snow for the holiday season had fallen and Feyre couldn’t even enjoy it because once again, Tamlin had business elsewhere to attend to. Sensing her dark mood, Lucien had arrived with supplies to build a snowman and suggested a snowball fight.

It had been fun chasing Lucien around Tamlin’s garden, hurling snowballs at each other until Lucien dodged one of Feyre’s most lethal throws, and it went hurtling straight into the face of a nearby man.

Rushing over Feyre started quickly brushing off the bits of snow while the man’s two, very big and very intimidating friends, howled with laughter.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I accidentally nailed you in the face!’ Feyre said, profusely apologising.

When the man cleared away the remaining snow clinging to his face Feyre immediately froze. Long, snow coated lashes and piercing, violet eyes met hers. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. And she had just hit him in the face with a gods damned snowball.

The man also seemed to freeze when he saw her, those violet eyes grazing up and down her body before resting on her face. A pleasant smile broke his stony stare.

They both seemed at once to notice Feyre’s frozen hands lingering on his chest from her attempt to brush away snow.

They both sprung apart.

“No it’s fine. It’s actually rather impressive you managed to hit me.”

Feyre fought the urge to roll her eyes as she turned away to head back to Lucien, already overcome with annoyance at the man’s over confidence. But a light hand on her shoulder had her turning back to face him.

“On second thought my face does feel a bit bruised,” He teased. “But I know a way for you to make it up to me.”

A pause while he waited to see if she would take his bait.

Feyre glanced past him at his two friends who were staring at the back of his head, one with shorter hair in obvious shock, and the one with longer hair with amusement.

“The only thing bruised I think is your ego, but sure what could I ever do to make amends for my grievous mistake?’ I played along.

"Meet me for coffee. I’ll even let you pick the place. Oh and my friends are not invited.” He said glancing behind him at the two males who were clearly trying to eavesdrop.

Before I even had a chance to explain that I had a boyfriend, Lucien finally appeared, stepping directly between me and the man.

“She’s taken.” Lucien practically growled. “Go home Rhysand. And take your lackeys with you.”

The two males were immediately flanking Rhysand, violence in their gazes, but Rhysand merely tutted at Lucien before addressing Feyre.

“Such a pretty thing could do much better than you Lucien.”

I could feel the embarrassment rolling off Lucien as he ground out through gritted teeth,
“She’s not mine. She’s Tamlin’s.”

The two males exchanged glances while Rhysand chuckled.

“Well that does make things more interesting.” He said.

But Feyre bristled over the tone that Lucien was using. The way he said she was Tamlin’s, like an object and not a girlfriend.

“I belong to myself. I just happen to be dating Tamlin. The two are not the same.” She spat at Lucien’s back.

But Lucien ignored Feyre, attention now snagging on the two males who seemed to be sizing him up. With Lucien preoccupied, Rhysand neatly stepped around him and prowled a few steps away. When he reached a distance out of eavesdropping zone he lifted an eyebrow at me, coming? It seemed to ask.

Giving Lucien a quick glance to make sure he wasn’t about to get into a fist fight, Feyre followed him, stopping inches away. Close enough to feel the heat of Rhysand’s warm breath.

“Don’t worry about them. Cassian and Azriel won’t start a fight,” He flashed me a predatory smile, “Unless of course I tell them to.”

“Make this quick. What do you want?”

Feyre knew she shouldn’t have even followed Rhysand. Even though he wore thick winter clothing she could tell he was powerful. Tall too, around the same height as Tamlin. But the second he’d walked away Feyre knew she wanted to follow him, something deep down in her gut that told her to stay close to him.

“Well now you know my name, it’s only fair that I know yours.” He purred.

“Feyre. Feyre Archeron.”

“Well Feyre, I doubt you’ll be able to join me for coffee now, but I hope you’ll at least accept this.” He said, placing a folded up piece of paper in her hand.

Feyre unfolded it revealing his phone number, surrounded by twinkling stars. She tried to give it back to him, fear curdling her insides. If Tamlin found another male’s phone number on her, especially one that Lucien seemed to know and not like, it would not be a pretty argument.

Rhysand read the fear on her face like an open book. Instantly his face darkened with a calm and lethal fury.

“Does he scare you?” He asked quietly.

“No… Tamlin would never hurt me. But he wouldn’t like me having this.”

Feyre again tried to give it back to him, and again he refused.

“Keep it. Please. You may need it. I want you to contact me if you ever feel… unsafe.” His eyes shone with an unwavering promise.

Glancing at Lucien again, Feyre made sure he was still fiercely arguing with Cassian and Azriel before slipping the paper into an inner pocket of her jacket. Rhysand smiled before signalling to the two males.

“Well Feyre Darling, it was a pleasure to have been hit by your snowball. I look forward to it again in the future.” Rhysand said.

His grin turned into something more tentative, a small, shy, smile that Feyre knew he didn’t show people often, before he turned and stalked off.

The two males stormed past as well, the one with longer hair pausing to give Feyre a wicked grin and wink, before following his friends.

Tagged by @alivingstonseagull (ty! <3)

Rules: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 several people you’d like to get to know better.

Name: Amy

Nickname: Aimz? not necessarily exciting nicknames over here

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Height: 4′11″

Orientation: Bi~bi~bi

Ethnicity: white

Favorite Fruit: Strawberries

Favorite Season: Winter… and Autumn and Spring… and Summer is good too I love all seasons they’re all beautiful man idk

Favorite Flower: Daffodils! They just always look like happy little flowers lmao

Favorite Scent: Bonfires holy shit

Favorite Color: yellow

Favorite Animal: Dolphins!

Coffee, Tea, Hot Cocoa: Yorkshire Tea all the way

Average Sleep Hours: like 4-6

Cat or Dog Person: I’ve always had dogs but I literally adore cats too so both don’t do this to me

Favorite Fictional Character: Ellie Williams 10000%

Number Of Blankets: 1

Blog Created: late 2012/early 2013ish?

Number Of Followers: 243

tagging @agoddamnsupernova @bostonfireflies @softellie @elliewilliams @quakebeats @flut3ym00dy idk if any of you have already done it feel free to ignore obviously lol

ZTD dick science

Now, ever since I finished Zero Time Dilemma, there has been a burning question plaguing my mind. Perhaps it is the most tricky puzzle in the entire zero escape series. It is a question which I am sincerely surprised the fandom has not yet addressed. And that question is: ‘If Phi’s boobs are D Cup, how long is Sigma’s dick?

Now, hear me out. We all know that the two factors are connected. In VLR we are supposedly told that Phi’s boobs are C Cup, to which Sigma replies:

Implying that there is a mathematical relationship between the dick length of Sigma (which shall henceforth be named SDL - Sigma Dick Length) and the size of Phi’s boobs (PBS - Phi Boob Size). This could easily be interpreted as a bewildered sarcastic remark. HOWEVER, we as human beings perceive sarcasm primarily through tone of voice. Thus, as Sigma in VLR is not voice acted, we cannot know whether he was being sarcastic, or whether he was informing us sincerely that there was a direct relationship between his dick length and Phi’s boob size.

This mystery only comes to mind because of a drastic change in information presented in ZTD, namely:

To which Sigma replies:

Thus acknowledging the uncanny transformation.

Naturally, this leads us to the burning question: If Sigma was telling the truth in VLR, and there is a mathematical relationship between PBS and SDL, how long is Sigma’s dick anyway? If Phi’s boobs are actually bigger than C Cup, surely Sigma’s dick is longer than 12 inches?

I’m no mathematician. This is probably clearly indicated by the fact I’m here doing so little with my life that I have time to write a hypothesis like this. But, I have attempted to calculate the true SDL, based on PBS:SDL ratio suggested in the first screenshot. Hopefully this handy table shall be helpful in explaining the issue:

Using these simple sums we can learn that, indeed, if what Sigma said in VLR is true, and if Phi’s boobs are actually Ds, then Sigma’s dick can only be 16 inches long.

16 inches.

So, clearly some of these facts aren’t true or Diana is a very lucky lady.

2

Tommy Shelby x Reader

(Not my photo, credit goes to its owner/s)

Walking into the Garrison you were pretty overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people that were crammed into such a small pub. You had never been here before but you thought you’d check it out seeing as you were new to this neck of the woods. Gently pushing your way through, you clutched your bag in front of you and made your way to the bar before perching yourself on a barstool.

“Erm excuse me?” You asked trying to get the barman’s attention. “Excuse me?” You continued but to no avail, not knowing how you were going to get a drink if no one was paying attention.

You turned around to head back the way you came but instead you collided with a firm muscled body and the contents of a beer glass.
“Oh my goodness! I am ever so sorry.” You apologised profusely, looking straight up into icy blue eyes that seemed to warm almost immediately upon eye contact with you.

“Don’t you worry love, it appears your dress has suffered more damage than I have.” He chuckled as he directed your attention with his eyes to the front of your now sodden dress.

“It’s no bother it’s an old fashioned thing anyway, it’s a good excuse to get a new one.” You giggled as you began to feel your cheeks heat up under the gaze of the strikingly handsome man.

“Such a pretty smile.” He said extremely quietly which you guessed wasn’t meant to be for you to hear. “The names Tommy Shelby, why don’t you let me get you a drink…. HARRY!”

“Oh err I better not stay, I look a bit of a mess.” You declined whilst attempting dry yourself with an handkerchief.

“If you don’t mind me saying, I don’t think people will mind what your dress looks like when the beauty truly lies in your face.” Tommy commented with sincerity.

“Thank you, you are far too kind. I really must be going though. I apologise for spilling your drink.”
Just as you were about to leave, Tommy gently grabbed your wrist making you turn to face him once more.

“Wait! I never got your name. You can’t bump into a man and not give him your name. He smiled trying to not appear as eager and excitable as he was truly feeling standing there watching you.

“My name is (Y/F/L/N). I’m new around these parts so I’m sure I’ll be seeing more of you.”

“You will (Y/N) I can guarantee it.”

hi guys ! i want to apologise profusely. i’ve had a horrible weekend and i just couldn’t get online due to certain circumstances. i thought the main was being looked after but unfortunately, that didn’t happen and i wasn’t really checking up on my phone so i’m sorry if the main wasn’t looking active enough.

i’ll be performing an activity check tomorrow evening and i have the day off so i should be in and out. the event is officially over, but you can continue threads and begin new ones in the different lands if you want ! i would love to get online but there’s nothing i want more right now than to fall into my bed after the horrendous weekend i’ve been through, so i’m gonna get some sleep, and we’ll be back in business tomorrow !

anonymous asked:

h e y don't imagine yuuri and victor living together And victor getting rlly drunk one night, and comes home really flirty a n d yuuri gets anxious bc 'what if victor was all over other people in the clubs? What if he found someone better?' a n d he starts crying like the little soft boy he is victor wakes up next morning and sees his lil bby with tear stains on his cute lil cheeks and starts apologising profusely d o n t i m a g i n e i t

I never imagine things
I wonder if Victor would forget it like Yuuri…but i think he doesn’t
He wouldn’t cheat on him but i can imagine that he would mistaken objects with  yuuri lol
(this is late,i was waiting if i could find the time to draw this but but unfortunately,i can’t)

It’s funny because having a child is the highest form of fucking narcissism there is.

My Facebook feed is full of self-satisfied parents bragging about their kids and posting photos of their wonderful offspring so that everyone else can congratulate them on what a good job they’re doing.

And here I am refusing to take any credit for how my kid turned out because HE did that. He gets to take credit for all of what he is because he is an individual that I brought into this world without any consideration for whether he wanted to be born or not.

Which, I might add, I have apologised for profusely. Because this world is no place for an innocent.

Reproduction is narcissistic. So, unless you’re planning on taking EVERYONE’S children away, how about you give the whole “narcissistic parents shouldn’t be allowed to keep their children” bullshit to yourselves.

I am sick to death of hearing how fucking terrible parents with Personality Disorders inherently are when there are so many shitty people in this world with no such diagnosis.

Written for @puns-n-buns (who is lovely).

(again i would like to apologise profusely for the incredible unwarranted delay, i am terrible and i’m soRRY it’s nOT EVEN THAT GOOD AHHH)

32: “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” Will says one day, when they’re lying next to each other, basking in the sun on Half-Blood Hill, “and I’m terrified.”

“W-What,” squeaks Nico, which is really embarrassing, because he’s supposed to be cool and dark and impressive.

“Well,” says Will, sounding amused, “your friends are the most powerful demigods in America, and they’re pretty protective. Can you imagine if Percy or Jason caught us kissing–”

“Oh gods,” Nico groans at the thought. There’s a reason he hasn’t told anyone that he and Will are dating.

“Not to mention your sister,” Will continues, vaguely horrified. “She’s the scariest of them all. Plus, she’s from the 40s, right? She’d be all concerned about your virtue and stuff, she probably won’t even let us make out until we get married.”

Until. The word echoes in Nico’s brain, makes him dazed and dizzy and euphoric.

“It’s okay,” Nico hears himself say as he rolls over to face Will, lips tugged into a soft smile. “I’m a pretty powerful demigod myself.”

Will grins and reaches over to kiss Nico softly. “You’ll protect me?” he teases, pressing their foreheads together gently.

“Of course,” Nico breathes back. “I– I’m in love with you, too, you know.”

Will’s face lights up with joy, and he rolls over to straddle Nico before kissing him properly, loving and hot and mind-numbing, and Nico thinks maybe, maybe he’s ready to tell his friends.

“Oh my gods!” Percy’s voice screeches from the top of the hill.

“Oh my gods,” says Will, turning pale with actual terror.

Nico laughs and pulls him down for another kiss, and they melt into the shadow Will’s body casts on the grass.

anonymous asked:

GoM reactions to their S/O trying to flip a pancake but it lands on the boys head and they're just like '&gt;.&gt;'

Lets assume the reader is dry frying premade ones because we don’t want our miracles to take any hot oil to the face.

Kuroko’s sighed when the pancake you had been so vigorously trying to flip flung straight out of the pan and into his face. Why were you so enthusiastic in the first place. When you peeled the food from his face he couldn’t stop a smile from creeping onto his face as you profusely apologised. “It’s okay ____-san, I’ll stand back next time”

Kise was too busy cooing over his ___-cchi in an apron and chefs hat to even notice the actual trouble you were having flipping the pancake. He was stood behind you, playing with your aprons tie strings when in one last effort you gave the pan a good jilt only for the contents to fly over your shoulder. “____-cchiii. At least let me get a plate first”

Murasakibara was sat at the table waiting for you to deliver him a plate of deliciousness but unfortunately for you he was impatient to say the least. All you’d had since the beginning of this ordeal was him whinging that you weren’t going fast enough. In an effort to increase productivity you opted to flip rather than use the spatula and technically it did get the food to your boyfriend quicker. Not even bothering to remove it from his face he began munching away, not before sending a cheerful “thank you ___-chin~” your way. 

Midorima was the worst backseat driver whenever you cooked and right now he was really grating on your nerves. Fed up of hearing his instructions you tried to do things your own way only for your Midorin to end up with a little pancake hat. Trying to stifle your giggles you held out the syrup before bursting into a fit of giggles as you offered him “Cancers lucky item right?”

Aomine hadn’t signed up for this. What started out at one pancake landing on his head had devolved into a sticky sickly sweet food fight. As you smushed strawberries into his hair, he put a hand full of cream to your face. Before long a truce had to be called or else the furniture might suffer. Taking his opportunity he traced the tip of his tongue up your jaw, savouring the odd mix of sugar, cream and sweat. “You know ____, I’d much rather eat you right now”

Akashi sat back, watching you shake the pan but never commented on your technique. He’d already ended up with batter on his face once today he wasn’t going to risk that again. Standing behind you he placed his hand over yours to help you get to grips with the wrist motion necessary. Smirking when things went his way he repeated his famous “I am absolute in everything” line to which you could only reply “so this means you’re an absolute tosser?”

Some sociology notes from earlier… I am honestly so tired and I’ve only been back for three days…It’s now 10 and I was going to do so much work but I’ll have to settle for editing my coursework and apologising profusely for not meeting the deadline of my class civ work… I’m really not with it lately… I hope everyone else is doing far better than me though! We’re half-way through the week woo!! I also gave my flashcards an Easter theme!

I have to admit, I’ve occasionally wondered if I’d like to be male, since I’m already pretty masculine already I have wondered if people would treat me better if I was male.

But then I remember all the times, and you have no idea how many times there have been, that people have assumed I’m a man because I never have a profile picture that is me, and I rarely mention I’m a woman unless it’s directly relevant to the topic. I remember all the times I’ve been called a bastard, or a neckbeard, or a virgin, or a misogynist, or told of my supposed privilege. The amount of times a man has been so needlessly aggressive towards me, only to flip completely and apologise profusely as soon as I mention I’m actually a woman.

All the times - and it’s likely literally in the triple figures by now after running this blog - someone has assumed I’m a man SOLELY because I disagree with them on a topic, so they think that therefore I must be male, or assumed I’m male because of what I find interesting, or assumed I’m male because I’m attracted to women and so I must be “objectifying” them.

I will be honest, I have experienced little sexism aimed at me for being a woman, not none, of course, and those who have been sexist to me for being female are just as much in the wrong as the ones who have assumed I’m male. But this idea that men don’t experience sexism, have it easy, are privileged (well men in the west are, but so are women) is utterly ridiculous.

Men can and do experience sexism, not just occasionally, on a daily basis.

I’ve had tumblr for many months and went on many hookups before I matched with this one guy, he messages me near straight away and we have a great conversation. He asks for my number I gladly give it to him, he asked me on a date the following week and I accept. The night arrives and I pick him up (he doesn’t have a car or licence) and drive to where he’s made reservations.

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