i am very tired and everything is so stressful

you make this all go away.

Summary: Dylan goes to prom without Eric.

“Why do you look so tired?” Her mouth straightened into a thin line, looking at her son who was picking at his good. He shrugged, looking down at his shoes, rubbing them against the table leg.
“I don’t know. I just am. School and everything, soccer, college. It’s stressful.” She nodded, wishing that his dad was there to give him some advice, she had always been better with his older brother. Eric saw that she was trying, and gave her a forced smile.
“Hey mom, I’m not very hungry. Do you mind if I go to Dylan’s now?” She shook her head, standing up with her and his plate, going over the sink to wash them.

He sat behind the wheel of his prelude, coasting along with some band he’d never heard playing softly through the speakers. It sounded like something Dylan would listen to, it was sort of melancholic and it collided nicely with the sound of rain on the top of his car.

Eric slammed his car door, and rushed into the Klebold household to avoid the rain.
“Hello, Eric! Did you have dinner? If you’re hungry I can whip up a sandwich.” He grinned at Sue’s polite behavior, and declined.
“I just finished mine, thank you ma’am. Is Dylan in his room?” She nodded, and Eric stepped up the stairs. Dylan’s room emitted no light from the sliver between his door and the floor, and Eric opened it softly, hoping Dylan was awake.

He was, and he was sitting hunched over his desk, sipping on a screwdriver. He turned around, noticing Eric’s presence, and he stood up.
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t know you were coming over.” Dylan waved to him almost, awkwardly happy.
Eric nodded, closing his door softly. “It’s fine.” They stood there, not saying anything for a few minutes, kind of just analyzing each other. Eric had gone on vacation with his family for a few weeks, so it had been a while since they’d seen each other. Eric had gotten tanner, still pale, but he looked less like he belonged in a coffin. Dylan had gotten skinnier.

“I’m going to the prom, soon.” Dylan looked at his feet when he told Eric, shuffling towards him slowly. “You can come, they’ll be nice. Robyn asked, I gave in, I guess.” Eric flushed pink when Dylan asked him, and then he realized that he went they would go as friends. He had Robyn, fucking Robyn. He didn’t want to tell Dylan he was mad, because he would pry, and he really did hope Dylan had a good time.

“I hope you have fun, V. I think I’ll pass. You have to take pictures though, alright?” Dylan laughed at Eric’s tight lipped response, scratching the back of his head. His hair was pulled into a small ponytail at the nape of his neck, and a few strands had fallen out, framing his pallid face.
“Of course. They like hanging out with you, you know…” he trailed off, sensing that Eric knew he was lying. Eric did. He heard the way people lowered their voices whenever he sat next to Dylan at lunch, and he knew that Dylan had been invited places as long as he didn’t bring Eric along.

“I know, don’t worry. Prom isn’t my cup of tea, you know? Nobody to go with really. It’s cool. Have a good time though, next month, right?” Dylan said yes, and they got caught up in some conversation about tuxedos and Dylan’s new Tec-9.

Prom came quicker than Eric would have thought, and that Saturday night he found himself with nothing to do. He tried to tell himself to just calm down, play some Doom, maybe watch a movie or two. He was going to be fine, Dylan would tell him all about it tomorrow. He tried to relax, pouring himself a cup of Jack Daniels and lighting a cigarette. His parents weren’t home this weekend, they had gone to visit family, insisting that Eric stay home and focus on school.

Halfway through a shitty bootlegged version of a Tarantino movie he had never seen, Eric gave up. Eric gave up acting like Dylan, Vodka, his best friend, going to prom, the night of their fucking lives, with some dumb bitch was okay. He knew it wasn’t fucking okay. He knew Dylan would be laughing and having fun and blah blah fucking blah with his friends, forgetting about the short angry kid left sitting in his basement with fuck all to do. He was so mad at him. The rage coursed through his body as he took one last swig of whiskey, grabbed a small black box, and went to his Honda, driving as fast as he could to Dylan’s house.

Nobody was home. The lights were all off, no cars in the driveway, no cars in the garage. Eric checked, unlocking the door with the key hidden under Dylan’s “Hello!” doormat. He opened Sue’s liquor cabinet, pouring himself a shot of vodka, in honor of his V, and went upstairs to Dylan’s room. It was dark, and Eric didn’t want to turn on the too-bright-light. He rummaged around in Dylan’s closet, producing a flashlight that appeared to have dimmed significantly since the first use.

Eric put in Dylan’s favorite Nine Inch Nails cd, turning it down low enough to hear, but not loud enough to blare and stab nails into his head. As he sat in the yellow glow of the flashlight, drunk and listening to a band he didn’t even like, he looked at the clock. 12:56. Surely, Dylan should be home by now, prom ended almost an hour ago. What could he be doing? Fucking that dumb Robyn girl, probably, having the night of his wasted teenage life.

Eric was so caught up in his thoughts that, about an hour later, he didn’t hear the front door open, and he didn’t hear the slow steps coming up the stairs. He did hear the creaky door to Dylan’s bedroom opening, almost hitting him in the process. He stood up quickly, grabbing at the doorknob for stability, and noticed that it was, in fact, his Vodka. Dylan looked surprised to see someone, and he flipped on the light switch and saw that it was Eric.

“What the fuck, dude?! Why are you in my house, how did you even get in?” Eric held his head in one hand, still gripping the door with the other.
“Did you have fun?Did you have the night of your fuckin’ life? Huh?” he slurred, pointing at Dylan, his finger landing right on his chest.
“Eric, what’s wrong, you’re bleeding, your hip-” Eric realized he must have scratched it on the way here.
“My hip is fine! I, however, am a little bit fucking pissed that you left me! You left me alone while you were with your friends, your loving friends who hate me and your loving loving loving fucking friends who leave me out of everything! Your stupid friends! Your stupid fucking girlfriend!” Dylan looked hurt by his words, backing up.

“Hey, I asked you if you wanted to come, Reb. You should have come, you would have had so much fun. The guys like you, and Robyn likes you. We missed you.” Eric scoffed at Dylan’s attempt to cheer him up.
“Your friends call me weird. Don’t invite the weird Eric kid, oh fucking no! I love you Dylan, tonight was supposed to be for us. Tonight was going to be our last night before… it was going to be ours and Robyn, and her dumb friends ruined it! Doesn’t that bother you?” Dylan pulled Eric into his chest, not caring about the rented tuxedo getting wrinkled or stained.

“Eric, I love you too. You know that, okay? Those guys aren’t even that cool, you know. I would have had more fun staying in with you, all you had to do was ask.” Eric inhaled in Dylan’s chest, the way he smelled like cigarette smoke and cologne, it got him even drunker.
“I got you a gift,” he mumbled into Dylan’s chest. He reached into his sweatshirt pocket, pulling out the black box that he stuffed into it earlier. He placed it into Dylan’s hand after they had pulled apart, waiting for him to open it. Dylan draped his suit jacket over his desk chair, and sat down on his bed, flipping the box open. A silver ring with an oval onyx stone sat in it, gleaming alongside the mulled wine velvet that held it.

“Eric, wow, it’s really, well it’s really just, wow. Thank you, so much. Why did you get it for me?” Eric was standing in front of Dylan on the bed, and he shrugged. Something he seemed to be doing a lot lately.
“I wanted you to have it. I saw it when I was out with Kathy, I thought maybe you would like it. Do you like it?” Dylan didn’t answer, he was looking at Eric with a concerned expression.
“I really adore you, Dylan. You’re my best friend.” Dylan brought Eric back to him, putting one arm around his waist and another around his neck.

Eric stood still for a second, trying to figure out why Dylan had hugged him so much tonight, trying to figure out why Dylan was so fucking nice to him all the time, why Dylan was so, so Dylan. Eric didn’t deserve him. Dylan broke the hug off, his hand with his new ring on it lingering on the back of Eric’s neck. They stood like that for a while, and it was a while in that Eric started to cry. He didn’t like to cry in front of people, he hated showing vulnerability, but he was too drunk to care.

Dylan brought his forehead to Eric’s, trying so hard to read his mind, figure out what was wrong, what he could do, how to fix it. Eric leaned forward and pushed his lips against Dylan’s, hard and bruising and angry. Dylan tightened his grip on Eric, his free arm slithering to wrap it’s way around Eric’s waist, pulling him closer and closer. Nine Inch Nails were still faintly there in the background, and he could hear the opening words of Something I Can Never Have and Eric was climbing into his lap, thighs resting on either side of Dylan. It tasted like booze and menthols, and the cinnamon toothpaste that they both used.

Eric and Dylan were now DylanAndEric, VodkaAndReb, LoveAndAnger. Eric and Dylan belonged together, Dylan and Eric belonged with eachother. ‘Til a shotgun and a Tec-9 do them part.

anonymous asked:

Hi Emma! I have been thinking about drop out of university and start working instead because I am so tired after high school. I'm probably going to start studying at the same school in a year again, but at the moment everything just feels heavy.I still live at home because of my lack of money, but my parents are very against my decision and because of this I get very stressed. Do you have any tips, on how I can confront them on this?

Hey there! I think if you’re considering taking time off university, that is a bit of a sign! Deferring a year is definitely something you could do to get a bit of money, that is what my sister considering after she finishes high school. It might be nice to have a bit of a break from studying if you’ve just done big exams and aren’t someone that really enjoys the heavy study. If you take that time off, you’ll probably figure out more about yourself and what you want to pursue once you go back. It might help clarify a career path afterwards! I’d maybe sit them down and have a deep conversation about it. If you express your concerns but decided to go back to university, they might be really supportive. It would probably be worth writing down the key issues or questions they might have and then answer them before you start a conversation. Then you’ll have an idea on how to respond but in a structured and informative way. They might be more worried if you seem confused or hesitant in your answers! It is also a bonus to think you can always save that cash to pay off any student loans you might have xx

TIME FOR THE REPORT

okay, I am here I am here sorry for the waiting. I am going to write down what happened today when me and my friends (bless them) decided to go to the studio to see and maybe meet 1D. Ready? Okay.

  • We were like front row let’s say, right in front of where the cars stopped to let the artists going in the studio. I saw LOADS of artists I am still shocked. 
  • So basically, the studio was a house and there were a lot of people in it : Marco, Kim, Will, Preston (the bodyguard), Harry’s hired bodyguard was there and of course the rest of the bodyguards squad. We first saw them and then the boys.
  • This studio had very big windows from where you could see the stairs that led to the first floor of the “house” so you could see who was going up and down. We saw Niall first, then Zayn and THEN I saw Harry’s bodyguard. I saw Harry coming UP the stairs on his own, everyone screamed and we were trying to see if we could see more but he disappeared on the first floor that you couldn’t really see. You could only see the stairs. Suddenly, like 10 minutes after that, I saw Louis putting his backpack on and climbing down the stairs and right behind him (WITH NOBODY BETWEEN THEM, JUST LITERALLY ONE BEHIND THE OTHER), there was Harry. Everyone screamed because they saw Harry and I was thinking that I am sure Harry went up to call him and tell him to come down because the cars were ready.
  • i didn’t see them coming out the studio because they chose the back door, we couldn’t move so I didn’t meet them nor see them BUT fans were there and they said they stopped 2 seconds to take pictures, Harry was the first one leaving in a car and Louis and Zayn stopped to. I am 99% sure they separated before going out publicly because they were literally TOGETHER on the stairs going down, I saw them, I am not a fan that made up shit who knows me can really tell. Also I had other 450 eyewitnesses that SCREAMED when they realised Harry and louis were actually going out together. 
  • The cars left, Niall Zayn louis and zayn in the same cars they arrived with. Liam exited like two hours later, from the front door, everyone shouted, I couldn’t take pictures because AS USUAL I was pushed and crashed so I couldn’t move or take a nice picture. But Liam is BEAUTIFUL he seems unreal. 
  • I saw the paparazzi pics and some paparazzi actually showed me the pics they took of Niall and the other boys and they were all very serious and tired and stressed. I am sure something is going on behind the scenes and they are having meetings and stressful things because I have never seen them so tired and annoyed. Even Liam who tried to smile seemed pretty “fake” and forced. I hope everything they are going through is going to be fine at the end because I love them so much and they deserve the best. Especially Harry and Louis who are the most perfect couple ever even if I only saw them together for 2 seconds and I basically saw their backs. 
  • Grimshaw was there.
  • Harry went to subway right after the recording session and he took pics with fans before leaving ON HIS OWN (not grimshaw with him)
  • Lottie and Lou T were there too with Julian too (<3 love him) and lottie passed me over my feet basically I said “hi lottie” but she didn’t answer. She’s very pretty and tiny. 
  • Julian is such a lovely man :) I thanked him for the album and he smiled and thanked me for the compliments I am in love!

That’s it .I still haven’t pictures with them after one year here in London but eventually I’ll get there. Anyway, I saw the power couple together and I am ever more 1D AF so yeah, happy days. 

Is Seriousness All That Useful?

‘There is a lot we could accomplish in this brief human life. We could actually realize the nature of reality and the truth of phenomena - including ourselves. How ridiculous it is then to be so serious about carrying a briefcase, driving a BMW, or talking on a cell phone to our friends? At some point, we have to say, “OK, that’s enough.” This doesn’t mean ignoring our mind and emotions, or not addressing or discussing things. It means simply asking ourselves whether seriousness is all that useful.

Seriousness can be a curse. Before we even get out of bed in the morning, we start planning our day - because if we don’t plan ahead, we might just lie there and get nothing done. Then our boss would fire us, our spouse would think we’re a terrible person, everyone would think we’re a terrible practitioner - and we might agree! Obviously, we must do some planning. But when we take it too seriously, we just torment our mind and body and waste one whole precious day in stress, pain, and confusion.

When we wake up in the morning, thoughts and feelings naturally arise. It’s up to us how seriously we take them. Some people don’t take things very seriously at all; they may even seem a bit spaced out. But these people get through the day with less stress on the mind and body than people who take things so seriously. This is not to say we should never be serious or responsible. It just means that we need some perspective and a more positive attitude.

A positive attitude doesn’t mean just thinking good thoughts. It means not getting caught up in the seriousness of everything we do, hear, see, feel, and relate with. I myself am very tired of being so serious - exhausted, actually. But it doesn’t help to just give up on the things we’re so serious about. That doesn’t really serve the purpose. What helps is having more lightness and humor.

When you find yourself stuck in seriousness - even if it’s your karma to be a very serious person - you can just pop out of it. This is quite a profound practice.’

- Dzigar Kongtrul, It’s Up to You, The Practice of Self-Reflection on the Buddhist Path.

Just had a tiring day at work and afterwards I went to buy clothes from a mall for the trip to Spain to meet my boyfriend, Ska. As I was looking at myself from the mirror in the clothes changing booth I realized how happy and lucky I was. I felt so good with who I am. Despite being tired and stressed I felt everything in my life is finally overall really fucking great. I’m first time in a relationship which I feel absolutely comfortable with being myself and with thinking of our future together. Ska I love you very very much and no matter how cliche it might sound like, you really are the best thing ever happened to me and being with you is worth of overcoming the distance and every other problem we might face. You’re amazing boyfriend and there is a million things I love about you. And oh god I love you a lot, even after all this time and if I think of your smile for even a split of a second, I feel more than I’ve felt for years. I had a great time when you were here and I’m looking to spend as much time with you as I can in the future. You’re worth of all the effort. Once again, I love you.